After a month off for baseball, we're back to our regularly scheduled snarking. An ancient-looking airplane flies high above the African plains. Or the inland empire plains, since I'm guessing this show doesn't quite have the budget for a location shoot halfway around the world. Villagers cheer as the plane lands (because everyone assumed that piece of poorly welded scrap metal would explode upon impact), and one Ron Livingston hops out. He's greeted by a villager who tells "Dr. Sebastian" that the antibiotic-to-patient ratio is 1:3. Dr. Sebastian says he's heading back to America tomorrow to get some more drugs, and then a bunch of happy kids run up and gather around Dr. Sebastian, who hands out candy bars in lieu of lifesaving drugs. Some greedy adults grab for the candy bars as well. It seems kind of cruel to give sugary goodness out to people who don't have access to proper dental care.
Sebastian heads over to his office-shack-hut, where he is met by a guy who says his son fell on a rock and needs medical attention. Sebastian and a heretofore unseen nurse/helper woman run over to tend to the boy. Sebastian quickly determines that he has collapsed lung, and orders the nurse/helper to "give me that." We don't need to use technical terms here in Africa. ("That" is a syringe.) Sebastian jabs it into air pocket between the kid's ribs and lung and the air whooshes out, not unlike deflating a bicycle tire. Wow, medicine is easy! Sebastian says the kid will be fine, aside from the excruciating pain he must have endured.
Or not, as Sebastian explains to the pharmaceutical company back in America that the kid's lung collapse was caused by tuberculosis, and that he'll be lucky to survive the year. The slide is a picture of a young girl with a back brace that Sebastian says he paid for himself, noting that the back brace actually cost more than the medicine to prevent it would have. Well, not for the pharmaceutical company, since they didn't have to pay for the back brace or the medicine. Sebastian tells the board that they have medicine in their warehouses that will save thousands of lives, but they won't give it away. One guy speaks up to say that they give ten thousand doses away every year as it is. Sebastian says that's not enough. The guy says they're giving as much as they can. Sebastian doesn't believe him: he noticed the guy just bought a fancy new car, and according to Sebastian we should all drive around in rustbuckets so that others may live. Which isn't wrong, exactly, but it's not exactly fair to expect people to give up everything they've worked so hard for until they have absolutely nothing left to give, either. Especially if said people are trying as hard as they can to get their company to give away as much free medicine as possible. Sebastian urges them to try harder, but then he passes out because all that self-righteousness coursing through his veins has blocked the oxygen to his brain. He manages to knock over the entire snack cart as he goes down. He could have fed thirty starving children with those snacks, but instead he just through them on the ground and rolled around in them like a greedy asshole.
“ TB usually takes years to progress the way it has with Sebastian. Just ask the Bront sisters, but only if you're ready for a long- winded, snore- inducing answer chock- full of overly- described moors and crazy attic ladies. Only the Bronts could make that stuff boring. ”
Sebastian says that none of this matters anyway, since he knows he has TB and just needs them to treat him and release him back to Africa, at which point he (one hopes) won't still be contagious. That would be pretty devastatingly ironic, if the guy who was crusading to save all those lives ended up being part of the reason those people had TB in the first place. Anyway, House thinks Sebastian's symptoms are too varied for a TB diagnosis. Sebastian scoffs that he's seen thousands more cases of TB than House has, so he thinks he knows a little bit more about the disease. He wasn't the one who requested House's second opinion, anyway -- his backers did. He orders a PPD and sputum test to confirm the diagnosis, and a CT scan to remove all possibility of error. He leaves the room to answer his cell phone as the Cottages jump to their Sebastian-assigned work.
Out in the hall, Sebastian yells at someone for not selling his firstborn son away to buy TB drugs. When he's finally off the phone, Cameron gently informs him that cell phone use is (sometimes) against hospital regulations. Sebastian simply says he needs his phone. The Cottages are used to dealing with difficult, stubborn men, and manage to convince Sebastian to worry his own health for a while. Then their pagers go off with an emergency. Foreman and Chase rush off to take care of it, while Cameron stays behind to inform Sebastian that he has a phone in his room. "Yeah, I figured that there would be," Sebastian snots, and heads for the elevator. Cameron follows, holds the elevator door open, and nervously stammers that she just thought PPTH wasn't like African hospitals, so Sebastian might have forgotten what First World healthcare is like. If PPTH is anything to go by, Third World healthcare is much better. Sebastian finally thanks Cameron for sending him that check, and then Cameron's pager goes off again as her emergency patient probably dies thanks to her decision to flirt instead of take care of him.
The Cottages assemble in House's office, where he informs them that the emergency is that he can't make his yo-yo walk the dog. Maybe I was wrong about Cameron, and she's actually the smart person in the group for knowing that House's emergency page was just another one of his trademark mindfucks and not letting it interfere with her day. Good on you, Cammy. House says that he paged the kids for a Sebastian-free differential diagnosis. He says they won't be giving Sebastian any TB confirmation tests, since House is still convinced that Sebastian has something else, based on how quickly his symptoms appeared. TB usually takes years to progress the way it has with Sebastian. Just ask the Bront sisters, but only if you're ready for a long-winded, snore-inducing answer chock-full of overly-described moors and crazy attic ladies. Only the Bronts could make that stuff boring. Chase says that Sebastian could have something metabolic, and House calls him a kiss-ass, because there's nothing you can say to him that won't get you made fun of, which is why Foreman smartly hangs out in the background and doesn't say anything at all. Cameron dismisses Chase's theory, so he comes up with another: there's something wrong with Sebastian's heart. He notes a very subtle abnormal heart rhythm in Sebastian's EKG. House agrees with Chase, and the Cottages go off to do some heart tests. House orders them to treat Sebastian the way they would any other hospital patient, and put him in one of those backless gowns so that everyone can see his body-powdered ass.
“ Sebastian turns around, and Cameron sneaks a quick peek at his butt and then does the perfect smirk. Either Cameron's much cooler in this episode, or I'm just going easy on her because I'd act the same way if I were Ron Livingston's doctor. ”
Sebastian asks Cameron to give him a hand tying the back of his gown. He turns around, and Cameron sneaks a quick peek at Sebastian's butt and then does the perfect smirk. Either Cameron's much cooler in this episode, or I'm just going easy on her because I'd act the same way if I were Ron Livingston's doctor. Sebastian isn't pleased that he's being tested for a heart condition when he clearly has TB, but Cameron points out that he has to do what his sponsors tell him to. But she will give him a secret PPD. It's hard to tell who's more pleased with Cameron at her deliberate disobedience of her boss: Sebastian, or Cameron herself. She wheels him to his echocardiogram.
House talks to some guy in the elevator about how much he hates do-gooders like Sebastian. Wait a minute -- that's Wilson he's talking to! I forgot what he looked like for a minute there, which is easy to do when you consider that Wilson is kind of invisible on this show. Wilson thinks the root of House's dislike is jealously, because Sebastian cures thousands of people a year while House only cures about thirty. Actually, the number is more like twenty-two, depending on the season's episode order. House counters that quantity is not an indicator of quality, using McDonald's hamburgers as an example. Wilson asks if House is saying that the Third World people Sebastian cures aren't as important as House's patients. Judging by House's fondness for calling his black employee "Dr. Mandingo," I'd say Wilson is correct. House leaves him to go to the Clinic.
House's patient is a woman with clogged sinuses, caused by her mother dying and leaving her a cat to take care of that she's allergic to. House starts to prescribe pills, but the woman doesn't want those. "You don't like to swallow. Not surprised," House says. How did that one get by the censors and the Vietnamese candle-snuffing vagina didn't? Allergy woman also rejects a steroidy nasal spray. House presents her with a third option, which is a bag for the woman to place the cat inside when she throws it in the river. They're never going to get PETA-loving Pamela Anderson as a guest star on this show now. And that is a good thing.
Foreman catches up with House outside the clinic and says that the stress test and the echo came back normal. House wants to do another kind of stress test that involves a tilting table. He bets Foreman a week of clinic duty that they'll find something there. Foreman takes the bet, because he still hasn't learned not to bet against House, especially when the stakes are as high as a week of Clinic duty.
Sebastian has been strapped to a table that tilts up and down like a seesaw. The tilting table stress test looks like a great old time. Much more fun than a lumbar puncture, anyway. Foreman and House watch Sebastian's heart rhythm as the table tilts and House talks about how much he hates people like Sebastian, who care about people indiscriminately even though it's evolutionarily unnatural for them to, as if that's any different than what House does, which is hate all people indiscriminately. Humanitarians, House says, are just as selfish as everyone else. They just aren't as honest about it. They LIE. Foreman notes that Sebastian's heart rhythm is fine so far, and House decides to turn things up a few notches and see what happens. The table tilts rapidly, and Sebastian complains that he's starting to feel sick, then dizzy, then blind, and, finally, about to pass out. "I win," House says.
“ Cameron tells Sebastian that he'll be able to 'maintain' his pacemaker from anywhere in the world as long as he gets to a phone line every few months. What, is a pacemaker like a Tivo? Do you have to plug it into the phone line once a week to download updates? Can it store digital photos, too? ”
Back in his room, Sebastian grouses that House is insane. Foreman agrees that House is "abusive" and "unprofessional," but adds that he also revealed something they wouldn't have caught otherwise -- Sebastian needs a pacemaker. He's scheduled for surgery in the afternoon, which gives him a few hours to say goodbye to microwaves.
Cameron wheels Sebastian down to surgery. As they wait for the elevator, she tells Sebastian that he'll be able to "maintain" his pacemaker from anywhere in the world as long as he gets to a phone line every few months. What, is a pacemaker like a Tivo? Do you have to plug it into the phone line once a week to download updates? Can it store digital photos, too? Sebastian asks Cameron to join him in Africa for all his pacemaker-maintenance needs. She turns him down, saying she's "spoiled" by all this First World medical technology that never actually works the way it should. Sebastian is sick of waiting for the elevator to come because House is probably holding it on another floor just to enrage the rest of the elevator-dependant hospital population. He stands up and heads for the stairs, offering his chair to a sick old lady. Cameron follows, weakly trying to warn him that this is against hospital regulations.
On the stairs, Sebastian tells Cameron that she could actually become a better diagnostician if she didn't have high-tech stuff to rely on. Case in point: he totally thought he had TB, but House and some First World technology reveal that it was something entirely different. Oh, wait -- that would be the example that disproves Sebastian's theory. I'm sure there's one that proves it out there somewhere, though. Sebastian asks Cameron out to dinner to continue their discussion of Third World medicine and how much it sucks. Wow, that date might be even worse than Cameron's last one, which I didn't think was possible. She says that dating patients is against hospital regulations, which Sebastian dismisses by saying that the maintenance of objectivity that those regulations are for is overrated. If he maintained objectivity in Africa, the thought of millions of people dying unnecessarily would drive him crazy. By losing objectivity, you become a preachy self-righteous smug bastard who tells people that their inability to give more money has just killed another five people. That's much better.
Suddenly, Sebastian has a headache. Cameron helps him to sit at the top of the stairs, and takes his pulse. Using Third World medicine skills, Cameron measures Sebastian's heart rate with her fingers and reports that he's fine. So he barfs and passes out, taking Cameron and her improved diagnostician skills down with him. They tumble down to the landing, Sebastian lying on top of Cameron. She savors that for a minute, and then calls out a code on the second-floor stairwell. Hopefully, someone happens to be passing by the stairwell door who can hear her and has the authority to do something about that, and also to inform Cuddy that Cameron is such a crappy doctor that she can't even wheel a patient to surgery without almost killing him.
“ Cecilia's cousin died six months later, but not before this weird young female doctor kept stopping by her room and hugging her and saying something about taking a trip to one of the few states that allow same-sex civil unions. ”
Back from commercial, House and the Cottages are back in the meeting room trying to figure out what's wrong with Sebastian, since his stairwell collapse has shown that they were wrong about the heart problem. House actually admits that it's a good thing they figured this out before they gave Sebastian an unnecessary pacemaker, like Sebastian wasn't going to just rip it out of his chest and sell the parts off to buy more candy bars for African children anyway. Chase's unsolicited opinion is that Sebastian is a "selfish jerk," because, as House quickly deduces, Foreman told him that's what House said, and Chase the Weaselly Suck-Up was hoping to score some points with House by saying it as though he had thought of it himself. Foreman asks if they can stop talking about Sebastian's character and get back to his illness, because Foreman is the only person on staff who's a competent doctor. He thinks the headaches indicate a brain tumor, and recommends some brain tests. House tells them to get to it, and then answers the phone. It's the Clinic, wondering why he's late for duty. House happily offers to do an extra hour to make up for his tardiness, and tosses Foreman his name badge. Foreman walks off to make good on his bet.
Foreman enters a patient's room with a diagnosis of flu already made for her symptoms of "explosive diarrhea" and a fever. I guess if you know the patient has explosive diarrhea, you make every effort to spend as little time with her as possible. The patient sarcastically calls Foreman a "Harvard boy," because calling a black man "boy" isn't racist at all, but it is slightly better than "Mandingo," I guess. It turns out that Evil Nurse Brenda put patient Cecilia "Call me Mrs." Carter in the wrong room. Foreman apologizes for the confusion and starts to leave to find his explosive diarrhea patient (just follow your nose, Foreman!), but Mrs. Carter demands to be seen now, because she has cancer. You see, she found a lump in her breast and she figured the clinic was the best place to take care of it, as opposed to her actual doctor. For someone so willing to crap on other people's intelligence, Cecilia's pretty dumb. Foreman feels around Cecilia's boob. She sighs that her cousin had breast cancer, too. Foreman tells her she has nothing to worry about; the lump does not feel like a malignant tumor. Cecilia says they told her cousin that, too, and then she died six months later, but not before this weird young female doctor kept stopping by her room and hugging her and saying something about taking a trip to one of the few states that allow same-sex civil unions. They had to call Security to keep her out. Cecilia tells Foreman, noting the "Dr. House" nametag he's wearing, that she will not be dismissed like that. She demands a biopsy.
Sebastian gets an MRI of DOOM. In the booth, Cameron tells Chase how Sebastian asked her on a date, and to Africa. Chase assumes Cameron turned him down on both counts because Sebastian isn't House. Ugh, I thought we left that back in Season 1. Chase doesn't see anything wrong with Sebastian's brain. Cameron notices that Sebastian's PPD spot is now a huge red lump.
“ House agrees to give Sebastian the TB drugs. 'Maybe he'll actually get better,' Cameron says. 'You'd like that, wouldn't you?' House answers. He doesn't know her at all. ”
House is pissed that Cameron gave Sebastian a PPD after he specifically told her not to. Cameron says that's besides the point, which is that they know what's wrong with Sebastian and can treat him. House says that's not exactly true; he assumed that a guy who spent the last twenty years around TB patients had TB, but he still doesn't think the TB is what put Sebastian in the hospital. I hope someone goes off to check on that sick old lady who sat in Sebastian's wheelchair before she coughs up one or both of her lungs. House says that now that Sebastian has the TB diagnosis, he's going to be a stubborn jerk about it and not let them do any more tests to find out what's really wrong with him. Cameron points out that Sebastian isn't the only stubborn jerk obsessed with being right in this hospital, and says that they have to treat Sebastian's TB so they'll know which of his symptoms are from that and which are from his mystery illness. House has to admit that she has a point, and this is like the first time Cameron has ever been right about something. Congratulations, Cameron! House agrees to give Sebastian the TB drugs. "Maybe he'll actually get better," Cameron says. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" House answers. He doesn't know her at all.
Wilson and House grab lunch at the cafeteria. House complains about Sebastian some more, saying that the guy is a "human telethon," not a "real doctor." Is anyone a "real doctor" according to House? Cuddy isn't, and now Sebastian isn't, either. And how is Sebastian's human telethon-ing any less annoying to others than House's anti-Sebastian tirades? House complains that Sebastian treats thousands of patients for the same thing, and that he knows the diagnosis going in. House says that's "cheating," as he carefully places lettuce over his steak so that he can cheat the cafeteria by only paying for a salad. The only time I've ever seen someone actually do that was in college. It's bad enough when rich private college kids rip off the system, but when it's a doctor, it's just pathetic. Somewhere between Season 1 and 2, they crossed the line between "refreshingly rude" and "annoying asshole" with House. I liked him better when the reason he was a jerk was that it would somehow help him figure out what was wrong with his patients. Cuddy walks up and tells House that he has "outdone" himself. He thinks she's talking about the steak theft, but she's actually referring to Cecilia, who just went crying to Cuddy over the rude and rushed treatment she received from Dr. House. House asks Cuddy if she would be acting like this if a patient complained about another doctor, like, oh, let's say...Foreman. Cuddy admits that she wouldn't, and then orders House to apologize to Cecilia.
Cameron tells Sebastian that he has resistant TB, and gives him some pills. Sebastian studies them, and then says there are places where people will stab you for these things. He does some quick mental math and figures out that it costs $10,000 to treat just one person with these pills. And yet, he's demanding that these drug companies give them away for free. Or maybe he's making a point about how overpriced drugs are. Anyway, Sebastian knew a woman who had resistant TB and couldn't afford food, let alone medicine. She died. Sebastian makes a sad face. Cameron makes a sad face. Sebastian refuses to take the pills, saying that this will get the attention those people back in Africa should be getting.
“ House says that Cuddy's whorish eyeshadow indicates that House is 'totally screwed.' 'Totally,' Cuddy says, inches away from his face. And then she leaves even though they were obviously supposed to do it right then and there. ”
Back from commercial, the Cottages have gathered in House's office. Cameron -- who changed her mind during the commercial break and now thinks Sebastian's death wish is not insane, but a really great way to get support and attention for a real problem -- says that Sebastian's death could save millions of lives. The phone rings, and Chase says that Newsweek is calling. Either someone on the writing staff loves Newsweek, or the magazine paid for exclusive product placement rights. Maybe that's how they could afford that African village set. House asks for suggestions as to what Sebastian has in addition to the TB, but there's not much they can do, since Sebastian is now refusing additional diagnostic tests. The phone rings again, and House picks it up and tells the caller that it is his medical opinion that Dr. Sebastian Charles is an idiot. He tells them his name is spelled "C-U-D-D-Y," and the Cottages laugh. I wonder if they'll find it more or less funny when they see a quotation attributed to one of them about Cuddy sucking monkey balls.
House tries to get Cuddy to let him do tests against Sebastian's will, but she refuses to help him. House grumbles that if Sebastian were refusing treatment because he was a Christian Scientist, Cuddy wouldn't be so supportive. He then notices that she's putting on makeup. Cuddy says she's on her way to Sebastian's press conference. House calls her and Sebastian media whores. Cuddy says it's not media whorish to agree with Sebastian's cause and try to help it any way she can. Really, Cuddy? Because your iPod is worth, like, seven TB doses. I'm just saying. House says that Cuddy's whorish eyeshadow indicates that House is "totally screwed." "Totally," Cuddy says, inches away from his face. And then she leaves even though they were obviously supposed to do it right then and there.
Cameron dotes on Sebastian, who's looking pretty sick. She tells him that his disease will progress until he can't breathe and dies, which I should point out is Cameron's idea of seductive bedroom talk. She offers to make Sebastian's last days "fairly comfortable," by which she means she'll provide painkillers, not sex. But probably that too. She says she hopes Sebastian can have one more "good day" so that they can go to that dinner. They hold hands. House bursts in and declares that he's going to make sure Sebastian gets the Third World treatment he wants so badly. He turns the room temperature up to Africa degrees, throws Sebastian's toothbrush and toothpaste away, turns off his TV, and flushes Sebastian's cell phone down the toilet, thereby clogging it and taking away Sebastian's indoor plumbing privileges. Sebastian says this won't change his mind. House says that Sebastian isn't the same as his patients, and that he's "cheapening" their plight by pretending that he is. Sebastian says he is the same as his patients. House asks how many of Sebastian's patients call press conferences on their deathbeds. Sebastian says that's the media treating him like he's special. He's taking advantage of it like the selfish jerk House thinks he is.
“ House observes that self- sacrificing women die alone, while self- sacrificing men are surrounded by hot mamas like Cuddy and Cameron. A good point, but House's examples are flawed, since Joan of Arc was insane and had an ugly haircut and Mother Teresa was a nun. These things tend to make romantic relationships difficult. ”
Sebastian holds his press conference, telling reporters that the pharmaceutical company that sponsors him has the drugs to save lives, but won't give them up for free because of this weird thing called "capitalism," and the need to charge money for products in order to stay in business. Not that I'm on the side of the pharmaceutical companies here, because I think they're greedy bastards who grossly overcharge for their product in countries without universal healthcare (i.e. America), but it's not fair to expect them to give out free drugs until they can't give anymore because they're out of business. Because then no one gets any drugs at all, free or not. Sebastian asks why he can get drugs for his TB but his African patients can't. "Where is your outrage?" Sebastian asks, noting that, in Africa, another person has just died needlessly.
Over in our favorite abused coma patient's room, House and Wilson watch the press conference on the TV. Foreman enters, answering House's page. House tells him to apologize to Cecilia, and then wonders aloud why self-sacrificing women in history, of whom he can think of only two (Joan of Arc and Mother Teresa) die alone, while the self-sacrificing men are surrounded by hot mamas like Cuddy and Cameron. A good point, but House's examples are flawed, since Joan of Arc was insane and had an ugly haircut and Mother Teresa was a nun. These things tend to make romantic relationships difficult. Foreman protests that he didn't do anything to upset Cecilia, but House orders him to apologize to her anyway and leave the patient-offending to the guy with the "mad skillz." Foreman says he only has to do this because Cuddy thinks House was the person who insulted Cecilia, not Foreman. House anvils that, in the real world, different people get different treatment. And then he notices that Sebastian is sweating, which is what House's little heat-turning-up move was actually designed to test. If Sebastian had TB, he wouldn't be able to cool himself by sweating and would be turning bright red right now. But he isn't. It's not TB.
House shoves his way through the phalanx of media around Sebastian's bed and shoves a nearby camera light in Sebastian's face. Back in the coma room, Foreman grabs Wilson's bag of potato chips and sits down to watch the fun unfold. Back in Sebastian's room, Sebastian becomes disoriented. House orders a crash cart, since Sebastian is going into cardiac arrest. Cuddy orders the press to leave. Sebastian flatlines. Cameron and Cuddy get to work with the defibrillators, being sure to look as photogenic as possible as they do so because cameras are still in the room and everyone likes to look good on TV. They bring Sebastian back, and House turns to the nearest camera and yells that Sebastian doesn't have TB. Foreman and Wilson agree that this is compelling television.
The resuscitated Sebastian tells House to run whatever tests he wants. House says he will, but first he needs Sebastian to take his TB medicine. Sebastian still has TB, but he also has something else that made him go into cardiac arrest, and they can't figure out what it is until they get rid of Sebastian's TB symptoms and see what's left. Sebastian still won't take the TB pills. House is pissed. Sebastian asks House why he has such a problem with the work Sebastian does: "Do you just have a problem with hope?" House rolls his eyes, but says nothing, since his mind was filled with so many awesome sarcastic responses that he couldn't pick just one. Sebastian says that the difference between himself and House is that Sebastian knows he can't save everyone, and House couldn't handle that. Right, because Sebastian handles it so well, what with the preaching and the martyring and all. House tells Sebastian that he has two choices here: either he takes the TB pills, or he dies and House calls his own press conference and tells everyone that Sebastian didn't die of TB, which would hurt Sebastian's cause a lot more than his death would have helped it. Sebastian takes the pills.
“ House tells Foreman that if Cecilia actually does have breast cancer, Foreman won't have to apologize to her. House is such an optimist. ”
One by one, Sebastian's TB symptoms are crossed off the whiteboard. In the end, they're left with the heart problems, headaches, and the low cerebral spinal fluid sugar they assumed was part of the TB. House says this is good, because it's weird and therefore much easier to isolate the cause of. Chase suggests Sebastian has very high insulin levels in his blood. Cameron says that there's absolutely no way that could happen, since they've ruled out all causes of that, including a tumor. House says that they're looking for a tumor, then.
House leaves the office, Cottages in tow. Cameron angrily asks why House always craps on everything she says. House says he isn't, exactly; they're looking for a small tumor that Cameron's tests wouldn't have detected -- a tumor in the insulin-secreting cells in Sebastian's pancreas, to be exact. Cameron asks whether House means to "hack away" at Sebastian's pancreas until he finds the tumor he's pretty sure will be there somewhere. House says he's going to prove that the tumor exists by looking for its effects. Foreman panics as he sees Cuddy and Cecilia heading straight for them. They run away, and House tells Foreman that if Cecilia actually does have breast cancer, Foreman won't have to apologize to her. House is such an optimist.
House and the Cottages are suited up in blue vest things. Chase, the designated artery-tube-angiogram guy, shoves a tube into Sebastian's splenic artery as House explains that they're going to inject Sebastian's pancreas with calcium. His beta cells will react by releasing insulin. If he has a tumor, he'll have too many beta cells releasing insulin, and his blood sugar will drop to dangerous levels. House says he's keeping his fingers and his toes crossed that Sebastian won't die from this. Chase injects the calcium. Nothing happens. House tells Chase to inject more. In the Magic Schoolbus Cam, yellow cells that I'm assuming are supposed to be insulin rush out to greet the calcium, and Sebastian's blood sugar drops. Foreman jumps to treat him, but House tells him to hold on, because Sebastian's blood sugar isn't dropping fast enough for a definite diagnosis. And also because House wants to kill Sebastian a little bit. Sebastian seizes and the monitors go off. Finally, House tells them to give him the glucose. Sebastian comes out of his seizure. "Congratulations! You have a tumor," House tells him.
“ Cameron says she doesn't put labels on people like that. House says that everyone does, and everyone is perceived differently, and if I have to learn that lesson one more time in this episode I'm going to scream. ”
House and Cameron de-elevator. House asks Cameron if she's going to date Sebastian. She tells him to mind his own business, and then says she probably won't. House asks what's changed between the few days ago when Cameron was holding Sebastian's hand, and now. Cameron just says that the guy pretty much lives in Africa, and that there's not much of a future for her and someone like that. House thinks there's too much of a future, since Sebastian is no longer dying, and Cameron is attracted to dying guys. Cameron says she doesn't put labels on people like that. House says that everyone does, and everyone is perceived differently, and if I have to learn that lesson one more time in this episode I'm going to scream. House tells Cameron that he'll prove his point right now, as he notices Cecilia in the Clinic. He says that people who know him know he's an asshole and treat him as such. People who don't know him only see a cripple, and treat him accordingly. And he's going to take advantage of that.
House walks by Cecilia, being sure to slam his cane down on her toe. She jumps up, about to yell at him, but then she notices his cane and changes her attitude immediately. House apologizes, being sure to stare at the watching Cuddy as he does so. Cecilia tells House not to worry at all, and they shake hands. Cuddy is all impressed with House for doing what she ordered him to, and not in a half-assed way, either. Cameron smiles, because she finds men who attack women almost as sexy as men who die tragically. Cuddy asks Cecilia if everything is okay, and Cecilia says her foot hurts, but that it was all her fault. All three of those women are suckers.
Sebastian packs his things. Cameron walks in with a wheelchair and a six-month supply of TB medicine. He says he'll be back for a refill in two months. He'll be giving away four months' worth of his pills to his African friends, because he is the BizarroHouse, and therefore, he doesn't hoard and abuse his pills; he shares them. He invites Cameron to bring him the refill in Africa, but she turns him down. They hug and kiss on the cheek as some music starts up on the soundtrack.
Outside the hospital, Sebastian walks into a gaggle of reporters and photographers. House and Wilson watch from their shared balcony, and House says thatSebastian's cause isn't about the dying Africans; it's about media stroking. Wilson realizes what House's real problem with Sebastian is: "He enjoys what he does." House doesn't answer that, just saying that he saved Sebastian's life, which means he gets assist points for every life Sebastian saves from now on. Wilson returns to his office, leaving House alone with nary a reporter in sight.