By Montykins
House finally learns what the rest of us knew months ago, which is that Cuddy isn't in charge at PPTH anymore. The new Dean of Medicine? Foreman! He spends most of the episodes trying to get House to treat him with respect. It doesn't go terribly well for him.
The mission is to figure out what's wrong some donor lungs. They don't have a body attached to them, which probably saves on the actor budget. They also save by only giving House one assistant. And she's played by Charlyne Yi, which I personally found pretty exciting. Anyway, she's Dr. Park, and she's the result of some hilariously off-target racism from House. It's wacky!
House's main goal is to get Wilson to be his friend again. And at the end of the episode, he's saved Wilson's patient and gotten Wilson to stop being a vegetarian. And then Wilson punches him in the face and everything's going to be all right forever. Hooray? I mean, um, Hooray!
As we open, House is in bed in prison. He spent most of last week in bed, too. I can only assume that it's really comfortable. He is awoken by a prison guard announcing that there's a VIP guest from his old hospital. House doesn't care. But it's the Dean of Medicine! House doesn't want to see her. The guard, who is showing an impressive amount of patience, says, "He said you'd say that." "He?"
He, indeed! For unless Cuddy has turned into a bald, black man, Foreman is now the Dean of Medicine. He doesn't look delighted to be there, but he has an offer: he can get House out of the clink if he'll come back to PPTH. House declines the offer. But Foreman knows House, so he brings out the big guns: The "patient" is two lungs in a box. "No pulse, no body. No ability to answer questions. It's your perfect patient." I never knew House hated pulses so much.
As House gets his stuff back, it's time for Exposition Download! The lungs came from a kid who had a motorcycle accident. They have increased airway resistance and only twelve hours left before the recipient will die. Foreman talks really fast, by the way, and this is just a weecap, so I might have missed some details. But that's the important part: Lungs, deadline, get to work.
So House is back at PPTH. As he enters the lobby, he complains about a painting. Foreman, not particularly interested in breaking down the decor, says that the lungs are in the ICU. House tries to make him take the file, but Foreman declines on the grounds that he's not actually House's flunky anymore. House is theatrically disbelieving that Foreman won't grovel.
In the elevator, Foreman warns House that any illegal behavior or Vicodin-stealing will result in him being sent back to jail. House does not appear to entirely respect his new boss, judging by the "Yes, massa!" response. I think this scene is just here to foreshadow House's burst of off-target racism later on. House asks when Cuddy left, but he cuts Foreman off before he can say where she works now. The important part is that she gave her notice the day after House's "incident." She should probably have gotten a restraining order at the same time.
To House's disbelief, his old office is now occupied by someone cutting off a cast. And his stuff is all gone. Foreman mocks him for combining "I don't want my old environment" with "Where's my old environment?" Anyway, Chase, Thirteen and Taub have all split. What? Well, now I feel like a fool for all that cramming I did as soon as I learned I was the new House recapper. Let's move on. Foreman introduces House to his new office, which is an old broom closet. And his new team, which is Charlyne Yi! She's awesome! She's also very funny, so now there are going to be a bunch of scenes where she and Hugh Laurie act all serious when they could just be hilarious comedians. I've got some ideas for shaking this show out of its doldrums!
House and Charlyne (not her character's name, I'm guessing) stride through the hallway! House calls her "sloppy seconds" and then moves on to "cowardly reject" based on his analysis of why she was waiting in the hospital in the middle of the night. Eventually we learn the details of why she was available to work with House: she was working in Neurology, but she can't go back she punched her attending. Really? But she's so tiny!
They arrive at the ICU. Wilson's here. So are the lungs and another doctor I don't immediately recognize. The unknown doctor provides some medical gibberish until he's interrupted by House shouting, "Prison!" He then says he wasn't "raped raped raped" and demands cake. There is no cake. There is also no alveolar ... something. So it's time to make wild guesses about what's wrong. Could it be something related to ticks? Nope. How about cocaine? They tested the donor's blood, but it might never have gotten past the lungs. They're all set to test for that, but House says that the treatment would burn a hole in the lungs if he's wrong. It's nice to see that he has some dim idea that he might not be right every dingle time he throws out a guess. So it's time to "find the dead kid's stash." Field trip!
Enough of all that. House wants to bother Wilson! He's deduced that the recipient of the lungs is Wilson's patient, which he takes to mean that Wilson cooked this whole plan up because he couldn't stand to be away from House. Wilson says that springing House was Foreman's idea. "I wasn't convinced until Simpson failed three times." House is smug that Wilson wanted him back, no matter how many of Simpson's failures it took. Wilson denies everything. His wrist, incidentally, is healed. Remember? At the end of last season, when he was getting it looked at even though he wasn't involved in the car crash at all? It's fine now. I don't care either, but I assume they mentioned it because someone spent the offseason worried about Wilson's wrist. House starts to speculate about Wilson's motives, and Wilson tells him, "Analyze it however you like. We're not friends anymore."
Wilson goes into a patient's room. She's got angina and is getting some nitro. She's had a mastectomy and still misses her spectacular boobs. She's got emphysema. So with all that, we can fairly conclude that she's the one waiting for the lungs. Also she's an alcoholic, which her sister does not find amusing. They ask about House. Wilson is willing to go this far: "He is an excellent doctor."
Charlyne and House are in the morgue to look at a body. She wants to roll the body out to the MRI, but House just cuts right into the arm to get a tumor. She admits that she's already had an interview with Chicago, so she has someplace to go instead of dealing with the aftermath of punching her attending. House thinks this tumor is a particular kind of thing that starts with "radish" or something. House continues to give helpful life advice until she snaps at him. Seriously, would you take life advice from this guy? She only just met him, but he obviously doesn't make great decisions, you know?
Wilson's Patient and Wilson's Patient's Sister have a discussion about a hot dog cart. Wilson comes in and gets his Bedside Manner on. We learn that Bobby, the patient's ex-boyfriend, is a drunk. And the patient's catheter bag is empty, even though she's taken in plenty of fluids. Her kidneys are shutting down, which means that she has to stop getting the nitro, so the chest pains will return.
Wilson busts into his office to see House listening to "My Heart Will Go On" on a laptop. They squabble while occasionally turning the song on and off. Wilson is really good at reaching over the laptop's screen and pushing the "stop playing" button without looking. Charlyne interrupts the squabbling to reports that the lump was congealed plasma from the ER, and the donor didn't have cancer. So maybe the problem was in the plasma itself? It could have as many as 25 donors. House is unbowed. It's time to start investigating! Or "continue investigating," I guess.
Foreman's office. House and Foreman. House wants more people to interview the donors. Foreman is dubious. House wants Chase, Taub and Thirteen. Foreman doesn't bite. By the way, Charlyne's character's name is "Park," so I'm going to start calling her that. And House is on minimum wage. He is? House is a little surprised by that.
Wilson is out on the road. He calls in to report that one donor had peanuts at the ballpark. House claims to be enjoying their repartee, but Wilson doesn't want to participate. House insists, "It's just good to hear your voice!"
House goes into his old office and steals his old whiteboard, which is currently being used to demonstrate to a small child how a cast comes off. A smiling older lady explains that she'd be delighted to call Foreman to tell him that House came and tried some funny business. House buckles immediately. As well he should, because this smiling older lady clearly means business. But he steals a marker and shuts the blinds so he can write on the window. Park calls with news about Dengue Fever in Thailand. There's a montage of him writing things. We break back in with Park telling him that one of the plasma donors was a homeless guy from under a bridge, and he was soaked in alcohol. And she's at the underpass, which leads both she and House to arrive at "lead."
Wilson's Patient. The sister says, "She can barely catch her breath." They're now testing the lungs for iron overload. The patient's small airways are collapsing and she's not getting enough oxygen. She doesn't look surprised. Wilson wants to use an oxygen-rich slurry. She's not delighted with the idea of liquid, which will hurt and feel like drowning. She shakes her head, "No. I'm done." Her sister looks sad.
House is in the bathroom. It's bigger than his "office," anyway. Hospital bathrooms are huge! Wilson comes in to announce that his patient signed a DNR ("Do Not Resuscitate"). House shrugs, "It's not my fault you can't handle your patient." Wilson insists that he accepted her decision with respect. House suggests some manipulative tactics for getting her to change her mind. Wilson snits off. House closes the door.
Foreman asks Park what she's currently checking for. Then he tells her that if House meddles in her personal life, it's a compliment. And he (Foreman) gave her a recommendation to Chicago. "It works out well for everyone," he claims. Park looks thoughtful for a moment and asks, in a surprisingly angry tone, "Why exactly is that good for you?" She's ticked off about being hustled out the door. Foreman turns to leave. But first! Park has spotted something in the medical tests: "Dr. Foreman? Would you look at this" It's not iron. Instead, it's a lot of white blood cells. An infection? "How the hell did we miss that?"
House has a giant fruit bouquet. Park tells him about the infection and wonders why he isn't more alarmed. He shouts randomly to demonstrate that panic doesn't actually solve problems. You know what actually solved problems? Random speculation! So...maybe the bacteria are inside the cells themselves. House employs an elaborate war metaphor to arrive at the new plan. Antibiotics to the rescue! Frankly, I'm not all that impressed. I'm not a genius diagnostician or anything, but I think I could have come up with the idea of using antibiotics to fight an infection. Park asks, "Did you use metaphors for your old team or do you just think I'm particularly stupid?" House answers, somewhat reassuringly, "No. They were stupid too."
Bobby's here! I bet you forgot who Bobby was. Wilson's Patient and Wilson's Patient's Sister had a discussion earlier about him. He's the ex-boyfriend who used to get drunk with the patient. And now he's here. And the sister is enraged! Wilson admits that it was his idea, because Bobby once got Vanessa to go one more round of chemo. Vanessa would appear to be the patient's name. Hooray! But Bobby's been drinking, so the sister wants him gone. Vanessa, who has been apparently unconscious this whole time, rasps. "Hail, hail, the gang's all here." Bobby enters and the sister is angry.
House is in the MRI tube. Wilson comes into the room and pushes the button to roll him out. House tells him, "The case is under control. It's me time." He rolls back in. Wilson rolls him out. "Vanessa's gonna do the lung slurry. You were right to push me. I needed that. Thank you." "So we're good?" Not entirely, it would appear. House tells him, "I like you. I have fun with you." He dares Wilson to say he doesn't like him. Would Wilson like to punch him in the face or kick him in the crotch? Surely that would fix things! Or perhaps not: "The thing is House...I don't like you." House looks sad and alone.
ICU. The lungs look browner to me. House looks in and asks, "When did the discoloration start?" I was right! That doctor I don't know from earlier says, "You screwed up the lungs." House lists all the things he was wrong about. He needs ideas. Park promptly tosses something out. The other doctor tries out "lupus," which draws some disdain from House. House says they're not out of time until the lungs or Vanessa dies. He goes off to think.
A window is broken. It would appear that House broke into his old office to play with his ball and tap his cane. Slow zoom-in on him thinking. Someone is outraged and House is given the bum's rush. He goes somewhere else and bounces the ball. It gets stuck under a bench. He needs the right feng shui for bouncing. A lot of big flat surfaces, for example. He sees Wilson having a woman blow candles out on a birthday cake. The smoke is in slow motion. House gets a Look on his face.
He bursts into the ICU. "The lungs. A smoker!" But the donor didn't smoke! Well, says House, he played poker, so there must have been cigar smoke involved. The windows were closed, it being a rainy night, so he must at least have been breathing smoke. "As soon as he breathed in all that cigar smoke, he was a dead man." Well, okay. "I was right. Not about anything medical, but my metaphors were perfect." He wants to declare war on the lungs. Specifically, he wants to use radiation, which will destroy the good lung, too. Park wants to be careful, but that will take too long. "Wilson needs these lungs." I suppose I should point out that House doesn't care that there's a dying woman that needs the lungs. It's all about doing something for Wilson.
Foreman enters to watch Park irradiate the lungs. Park says, "It's working. He did it." She looks like she's just gotten religion. "I'm not going to Chicago," she tells him. She knows that means a hearing about the punching. Foreman leaves and she picks up her phone to make a call. "Dad? Do you have a minute?"
Operation! The lungs are stuffed into Vanessa's torso. Then we see her talking to Bobby, which seems like something that wouldn't happen for like a week. If not more. Vanessa's sister thanks Wilson for calling Bobby. Wilson thinks Vanessa will be strong. Judging from their body language, Bobby does seem to like her.
House has an unlit cigar. It's very thick. He starts to light it, but Foreman stops him. "House! Got something for you." It's his old office. And Foreman found House's stuff in storage. "This is all you get. Ortho still has the outer office." "Well, that sucks. Where are Chase, Taub and Thirteen gonna sit?" "You're welcome, House." I am pleased to report that I haven't followed any news reports, so I don't know if they're coming back or not. I hope not! Not that I hate them or anything; I just want new stuff.
Exit Foreman, enter Wilson. Pow! Wilson punches House in the jaw! Down goes House! Wilson asks, "Dinner later? I'll pick something up." House says, "I heard about a good new vegetarian place." "Screw that. I want a steak. I'll see you at your place at eight." I don't think House is allowed to go to this place, is he? Ankle bracelet? Anyone? Aw, forget it.
House puts his feet up on his desk. In his office.
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