Johnny plays with the angel dress, which he somehow now has, because in Palm Springs, creepy finds you. Bob's cooking breakfast using the intense pressure of a stern speech about disappointing Gail O'Grady, then gives her a stern speech about something else. He's all fake grins, and her insane eyes are flattered by her toothpaste-colored polo. She yells at him for again bringing up how the foundation of their marriage is whoredom, and Johnny is, predictably, bewildered yet wounded.
Fairy God-Fairy! Fucking finally! Jessie Jo is the only worthwhile person on this entire show. He comforts me so much when he talks about things. Like sobriety for example, sometimes he talks about that. He makes Nikki help him move the coffee table around the bungalow, and all those assorted tchotchkes and knickknacks and doilies and crap that old gay dudes have so he can practice his drag routine that all gay dudes have in those sweet stiletto pumps that every goddamn gay dude has. Cliff shows up and Jessie Jo threatens to shoot him in the "narrow behind." Cliff looks just so awesome, even this early in the AM. Cliff apologizes for getting to second base with his BFF's MILF in the very room where BFF shot himself, and then lying about it, and explains how totally upset he is, but this is not about him and his sad feelings, so Nikki tells him to go to hell. Maria has now called Cliff one thousand times.
More of that shitty music this show is all about leads to Liza's garage, where Johnny apologizes for ignoring her at the party, then for stealing the dress. She tells him to leave and then Johnny spills about the love connection between Maria and Cliff, and how gross it is. Liza gives her patented "Johnny There's Something You Should See" and shows him a pointless video of Eddie whining about his parents' wedded non-bliss. Eddie's an even worse actor than Liza, and if you put their badness together you get Greta. Eddie has figured out about Cliff, it would seem, and this somehow led to his death. These people are so fucking stupid, I'm sorry. They jump to the weirdest conclusions, and then they're right, because the show's even stupider than they are.
Luckily, it has my favorite credits since I don't remember when. Question: Liza won't shut up about how Eddie recorded everything that ever happened in a variety of formats, including "journaling" at the "coffee shop," because he's even queerer than Cliff and Johnny and Jessie Jo dancing with the tennis pro. So how come they don't sit their asses down for a marathon of that? Busy schedule of not going to school or being interesting or believable characters? Johnny's too busy not taking his shirt off? I realize it would be a boring TV show, but check it out: we're already watching a boring TV show.
Greta is petulant today. She lets Johnny into her house in a petulant manner.
Maria visits the pre-lunch drunken Skip at the only restaurant in Palm Beach, and they are even this early the two best looking people on this show besides all those gay boys that keep sleeping with Greta. They say a bunch of meaningless shit about how mysterious everything is in the whole world, and then Skip sits down with Tess and is impish and adorable. Tess is wearing salmon and it's nice with her hair, and I would put the accent at two out of five Lone Stars.
Johnny apologizes to Greta for not believing her, and Greta is at first hesitant, but soon relents and combusts when she finds out about Cliff and Maria. Greta is about to barf. Johnny insists, like Liza before him, that this is motive for the murder. Greta makes the salient point that Johnny is just going to have another epiphany when some other kind of evidence shows up. Still nobody points out that all of this results from Cliff's "manipulation" of Johnny whenever they're together, in order to advance the plot, nor that this is sound evidence that Johnny has sustained permanent brain damage from his substance abuse, because Cliff's manipulations of Johnny are about as subtle as Tess's lovely breasts. Or Greta's pronounced overbite. Johnny whips out the bloody dress as a sign of love and trust, because Palm Springs is like that.
Karen and Bob talk about their relationship as though it is real.
Cliff is fetching and pining after Nikki and Johnny refuses to "champion that cause." Lordy, these kids. Cliff talks about how the MILF is obsessed with him, and Johnny gives him tude about how A) it was long term and B) Eddie found out. Cliff admits, once again, to killing Eddie, then takes it back, once again.
Greta is hesitant yet curious about her father's involvement in the coverup of the murder or the death or whatever. "It's pretty simple, I made some calls," he says. Apparently to physics, he made these calls, because still nobody knows how the kid died. Greta comes away from the meeting feeling unfulfilled, but once she's gone Skip is all crazy with a folder of pictures from the crime scene and the very weapon that may or may not have killed Eddie. The music goes nuts at this point, but I mean, duh.
Karen thinks and then Johnny sits down to talk to her and she says she's fine, because: WASPs. Apparently, she called Bob by her dead husband's name at some point in the breakfast scene, and I was not paying attention, because of all the things that don't hold your interest about this show, they're the not-holding-your-interestest.
More awful bloody music welcomes Greta to Liza's wench job, where she asks about Johnny and then promises Liza that she loved Eddie and wouldn't hurt him. Liza apologizes for having "pre-judged" her, and Greta tells her how much Eddie liked her and all the nice things he said about her, and she tries to pull a Cliff on Liza and be her BFF. Liza is, of course, fooled.
Tess invites Karen to party with drag queens, and then Karen talks MORE about her stupid freakin' marriage. Tess is drinking. It's probably about 11 in the morning at this point. Bob comes home all smiles, Karen is all lip liner, and it's awkward.
Fairy God-Fairy invites Nikki and Johnny to his drag show and they discuss her issues with Cliff. They both tell her to stay away from Cliff, whom Jessie Jo calls "man trash." Johnny admits that Jessie Jo knows everything there is in the whole world, but does not explain why he ignores him all the time. Greta comes over and they urge him to talk to her stupid ass. She acts all weird and pointy like usual, and they try to have chemistry until their eyes bleed, but still no dice. And then they're back together, or something, if they were broken up, which I can't remember.
Maria the MILF gets all Glenn Close with Cliff and gets really weird about Nikki, again. Cliff begs her to leave him alone and she's not hearing it, and he yells and drives away in a golf cart. Across the green, Skip is aimlessly driving another one around, and they lock eyes and are mysterious.
Greta is deductive about things we've already talked about three times, and nothing is gained until she points the finger at Maria the MILF -- Cliff equals statuatory, not to mention other stuff. Johnny says Maria seemed "like a pretty good mother," and that's the act out, which makes it ten times creepier. "Pretty good mother...other...other..."
Greta feels fat and Liza tells her to shut up, and now they're friends. Greta is dressed in a skin-baring black mini-dress and looks totally cute. Johnny and Greta talk about how Liza was totally in love with Eddie, and then Cliff comes up all creepy and Greta runs away. Cliff asks if Nikki's going to the drag show and Johnny tells him to get lost again. Cliff tries to explain about how Maria is crazy and unstable, and Johnny floats the idea that Maria killed her own son. Cliff responds that Johnny needs to get laid. Then they make love.
Drag show, which Greta thinks is amazing. Johnny says Hi to the moms and is very damned charming. Cliff is smoldering and looking all over for Nikki. He finally finds her in the makeup room, and is mesmerized by drag queens. Jessie Jo threatens to kick his ass, in drag, and summons all the other drag queens to menace Cliff into leaving the room. This is the best thing that has ever happened on the show.
First: You know who Nikki reminds me of? Joey Potter. Watch how she smiles and how she looks down and then up. It's so weird. Second: My favorite thing about Cliff is how he laughs out loud when he sees Nikki, instead of just grinning hugely like usual. It's a really cool acting thing. Third and Final: An explicative analogy. Cougar : MILF :: Tess : Maria. See now?
Skip and Maria drink and bitch at each other but since they're totally mysterious, all you get out of it is how he wants her to stop stalking Cliff. Maria brings up the gigs and gigs of Eddie's footage, FINALLY. I knew Maria would come through. Liza listens and realizes that, in fact, she was more right than she knew. It's not just half the cast that was in on the murder, like she has previously thought, but apparently the entire population of Palm Springs. Her eyes bug out impressively.
Tess admits to having done much worse than calling Bob "John," in her time. Karen and Tess climb into their martini glasses and watch more scary drag queens. Skip gets something under the door that makes him crazy. Rewind. Oh, it's a DVD marked, "Enjoy! Maria." Tess and Karen are drunk. Greta has no rhythm and notices that Karen is drunk. Karen gets onstage with Tess and they dance around like idiots.
Nikki finishes up Jessie Jo's makeup and it's all very loving and typical. Jessie Jo has three sons and five grandkids. Plus then there's Nikki, his favorite daughter. Awwwww. Then Jessie Jo finally comes out onstage in an amazing Tammy wig and sings "Stand By Your Man" and Karen sings along very sincerely. Nikki loves JJ from the wings, and it goes on a long time. Greta points out to Johnny that this is their first date, and it's even better than she imagined. They kiss and she says some shit about how she needed a really great date to the drag club to make her feel wonderful. And secure with her boyfriend's sexuality!
Skip creepily watches the video on the DVD, a tape from Eddie's room which involves Skip wiping and then putting the gun in Eddie's dead-ass hand!
That one kind of sad slow crappy song that ends every single episode with a montage starts playing, so you know there will be heartbreak. And a montage. Nikki walks the imminently kickable Spats outside the Fairy God-Bungalow, and Cliff gets all psycho stalker about her, and she almost gives in, and he apologizes for scaring her. It's just that he's not the bad guy; everybody thinks he's evil and scary and a maniac, but Nikki recognized the good in him. (Contradicting her statement that she liked the psycho in him, then her statement that she liked both the nice guy and the psycho in him.) They bond for the eighth time about how they're both really untrustworthy, and isn't that romantic? Jessie Jo is none too pleased. He stares into Nikki's eyes with his arms folded while Cliff sucks on her neck, and it goes on a bit too long. Nikki remembers finally that the entire show is about getting back to clarity when you're surrounded by toxic people, and sends him away, almost calls him back, doesn't, angsts.
Karen comes home all wasted and Bob laughs and invites her to bed, because he's a forgiving sort. Nobody points out how Bob is the Cliff because Karen/Greta betrayed John/Eddie with him, and that means that Bob isn't going to die, but is probably a psycho. Also: so Greta just lives in that house, alone? That's how it goes? Oh, sorry, Karen's talking. ...Nope, still don't care. She basically accuses him of being a symptom of her grief process, and he doesn't rum screaming from her, because I guess people get less honest when they're drunk? Or Bob's not psycho at all, just a sadsack.
Greta comes home to the ever-drunker and -louder Skip, and she's wary and bemused when he says he's glad she's with Johnny, because she was so nuts after Eddie died. He talks about her mom and how she was a good parent, and Greta is amazed to hear him say something nice about her. It's really not compelling at all.
Maria's sitting on Cliff's bed in a raincoat and negligee when he comes home, and Cliff is not into it, begging her to understand that she is now completely insane and that they are not together. She asks him to "give [her] one for the road," and he of course does, but the music thinks it's all so terribly fucked up, which it really...oh. So Tess walks in.
Johnny goes to visit Liza, and starts tapping around on her laptop. A dumb move if ever there were one. Now playing: Eddie and Liza fucking, on one of Eddie's webcam videos.