Liza tells Johnny all about how she saw Cliff and Greta running out of Eddie's house the night he died, complete with exact to-the-minute times. It must be because she's a chemistry nut that she's also got a really, really precise memory. Cliff seems not to believe her, on account of the little nothing fact that she was pretending to be Eddie sending instant messages from beyond the grave. I just died a little inside typing that. Thanks, Kevin Williamson. She claims that she and Eddie were great secret friends, but she's convinced he didn't leave a note and that means he was killed, and says she's going to prove it.
Johnny's mom is trying to get Johnny and Bob to bond by participating in a charity celebrity golf tournament together, which seems to be about the last thing Johnny is excited to do. Everyone, naturally, is involved in the prep. While bustling about, Cliff sees Nikki, watching Jessie Jo's dog, Spats. I actually thought at first the dog's name was Spaz, which I think would have worked just as well for a tiny little yappy thing like this. The only people not helping get ready for the big tourney are Greta and Johnny, who are busy looking at her family pictures (like her on Halloween wearing an angel costume and posing with her dad) and talking about Eddie. According to Greta, Eddie had a suicide note and she has been saving it, which isn't gruesome at all. After she talks lovingly about him being "a Jack Kerouac character," and after me vomiting into my own hand, she shows Johnny the note, which is a quote from Tennyson. Of course he knows it, since he was in his own dark place once. They then decide that this sexy summer soap needs the actual sex, and start to get it on until they're interrupted by Greta's father, Skip.
Meanwhile, Nikki and Cliff make out in the pool. He tries to get her to stay out, and she makes a lot of excuses, but when he calls her on it, she denies any hesitation. I think we're supposed to believe she's all damaged, but really all I believe is that he's a creepy mess and she doesn't want to get involved. While they're kissy-kissy, Liza tries awkwardly to steal Cliff's keys and totally gets busted. She's brilliant at chemistry, but not so much at espionage.
Johnny gets his clothes back on and leaves, assured that Greta's dad isn't the type to kill him for trying to bed his daughter. Greta then snipes at her dad, who has a beer and acts all nonchalant and non-fatherly. He's just in town for the golf tournament. He wants to party with his daughter, but she calls him one being emotionally stunted and shoots down the offer.
Bob and Karen are helping get ready at the clubhouse like everyone else. He's worried that Johnny doesn't want to play but she assures him that it will be fine and they flirt endlessly. Once she's off on her own, Skip comes in and begins to flirt shamelessly. I actually agree with Greta, he's kind of pathetic. Bob comes over to assert his dominance, so Skip moves on to Tess. She seems to be the only one immune to his, er, "charms" and shoots down all of his flirting saying she knows his game.
Johnny tells Liza about the note but she knows that he hated Tennyson and doesn't believe the note came from him. Johnny calls B.S. (rightfully, I'd say -- how old are these kids again?) but she goes on and on that the note is a fake and if it came from Greta it's proof that she's hiding something. I really think I should be caring more. What does it say that I'm siding most with Bob in this entire episode? Later that night, clearly not satisfied with Johnny's explanation, Liza climbs into Cliff's bedroom to try and search his computer for a document that says, "Oh hi! I killed Eddie!" She's interrupted by Cliff and Nikki and hides in the closet. Despite some good sleuthing by Spats, they don't discover her hiding and instead finally put some actual sex in this sexy summer soap. I mean, to the point where I know the position Nikki seems to favor, which is something I really would have been very content to leave to my imagination. Afterwards she wants to jump up with no cuddling. Cliff tries to woo her and she's not having it, which is just as well because I don't think I could handle it from him. She points out that she has a curfew and he needs to take her and Spats home. Once they're gone, Liza conveniently notices something on the floor, and pulls the carpet back to find a crawl space. Inside that is a bag, and inside that is something we don't see that makes her gasp.
Johnny and Greta can't do the same because they're again interrupted by Daddy-O, although they're clothed this time. Skip is a total dick, and as much as I hate Greta, I do feel for her with this as a father. After Johnny leaves, they have a showdown where she tells him she doesn't need him, doesn't want him and doesn't care about him. There's some quality soap opera accusations about him not being able to wait for her mother to die, as well.
The day of the tournament dawns. Johnny is sullen and pissed off, per usual, and Skip flirts with Tess and pinches her ass. Somehow, he manages to get her to agree to drinks that night. Because this is a soap opera that plays by the rules, it turns out Bob, Johnny, Skip and Cliff have been put together in a foursome. They all assure Johnny it's all about having fun and no judgment. Too bad it's not quite the same for me and this show. Golfy montage: Cliff is awesome, Johnny sucks, Johnny learns that a Mulligan is a "do-over," Johnny tells Cliff he knows everything about him and Greta, Johnny mentions the idea of Eddie being murdered, Bob tries to give Johnny tips, Johnny cracks and yells at him. It's really just about everything you'd expect.
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Back at the outdoor restaurant, where it appears Liza is a waitress as well as a server at the pool (which includes a new outfit for her), the boys talk more about the murder. Johnny accuses Cliff and Greta of being there that night, and Cliff plays it off. I'm distracted by what I've been thinking the whole series, which is that I really wish Johnny would cut his hair already. I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I'm not the right demographic for this show. I mean, I love and am familiar with Palm Springs, and I love soap operas, yet...I don't know, maybe it's just that it sucks? I think that's it.
It should be noted that in the two hours of this show that I watched this evening, no fewer than five times have I found myself fast-forwarding through the show because I thought it was a commercial for, like, Axe Body Spray or sunscreen or the like. At dinner, Bob tries to convince Karen that the boys had fun, and she mouths a thank you to her son, who looks properly shamed. Once she's gone, Johnny apologizes, and Bob says he's there to stay. In another corner of the restaurant, Skip shows up for his date with Tess, but with another date on his arm, and he totally blows Tess off. But she wins my heart a few moments later when she finds Skip and his young, blonde date at the table, reminds him they had plans for drinks, and gives him one by throwing it in his face. Now THIS is my kind of soap opera drama. And on an animal-print couch, Cliff and Nikki have another overwrought teenage conversation where she tells him he's both a good guy and a guy who scares her and that she's a mess. He claims to like her, and I think she's a better actress than he is, as she seems to actually like him.
Later that night, Liza's in her third, more formal work outfit cleaning up all alone, when a voice whispers her name. Cliff shows up behind her in the satanic mask that Eddie had been wearing, and proceeds to explain to her quietly how he killed Eddie. But, just kidding! He clarifies that is how he would kill Eddie if he'd done it. Until this year I had no idea this "If I did it," was so trendy. He then tells her to mind her own business, and trots out to the car to drive Nikki and Spats home. His phone rings and he tells his mom that he'll be right there.
Greta gets home and Skip is waiting up to tell her he's decided to stay in town. She argues that she doesn't need him but he tells her there was one night otherwise. Which night do you think that might have been? That's right, the night Eddie died, when she came home freaked out and he made it "all go away." He claims he pulled strings and made sure the cops didn't ask any questions. Greta can't believe he would think she killed Eddie, but he just says he doesn't ask that question in his line of work.
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And Johnny goes to visit Liza in her Garage Lab of No Good, who admits she snuck into Cliff's house and found something. He tries to act all high and mighty but finally Liza pulls back a sheet to show Greta's angel costume artfully arranged on a table, like you do, and covered in bloodstains.
The final montage shows Bob finding a peace offering from Johnny in the form of a putter, and everyone else looks at pictures or at mirrors or into thin air looking antsy. Everyone but Nikki, that is; she looks blissed out while she pets Spats because of her new great boyfriend Cliff. It's a shame that Cliff has dropped her off in order to go do the dirty with none other than...Eddie's mom.
Bum bum BUUUUUUUUM.
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