So Johnny finally gets his computer set up so he can upload all his flirty photos of Greta. His internet handle, by the way, is "CameraShy90." Soulful photographer! He's still could-shouldering mom, and he avoids her by taking his fine self for a swim at the country club pool, where he and Greta can make flirty talk about how Palm Springs is so horribly sunny, unlike Johnny's hometown of Seattle. Oh, fucking of course he's from Seattle. That's where he gets the soulfulness and mopey street cred. Cliff mercifully interrupts and talks about some kegger-equivalent that's happening this weekend. Greta flounces off, of course, because of Cliff, which is good because it allows Cliff some uninterrupted flirting time with Johnny. But Johnny wants to talk about why Greta and Cliff are being all icy and weird around each other, which leads Cliff to admit that Dead Eddie didn't just die, he killed himself.
Holy crap, you guys, the opening credits are so bad. They look like an Enya video, for one, and they manage to take a billion years and yet still not identify anyone. If you're going to be one of the few shows that employs a full credit sequence these days, I damn well want to see actual credits instead of moody windmills.
Johnny goes to another AA meeting where he spills his guts to Jessie Jo. They hash out the whole issue of "Isn't a teenage alcoholic kind of just a...teenager?" Jessie Jo, of course, is the voice of reason: "Not everybody's doin' the vodka shuffle." Man, I could really go for a Vodka Shuffle right now. While at AA, Johnny runs into an old friend/flame of his from rehab named Nikki, who is played by Tessa Thompson, infinitely more likeable than she was on Veronica Mars. She can't go back home to L.A. until she's had a year sober, says her dad, so she's staying at a halfway house nearby. Johnny takes her to the Club for lunch where they very quickly manage to catch Greta's eye and make her exceedingly jealous. Nikki and Johnny are a billion times cuter and less annoying together than Johnny and Greta, so it looks like I'm in for a summer's worth of frustration and disappointment. On a completely related note, still no sex in my sexy summer soap yet.
Cliff shows up at Greta's table to twist the knife about Johnny and Nikki looking so cozy, and they exchange more cryptic hints about "what we did" and such. He tells her she shouldn't be looking to replace Eddie with Johnny, and he manages to flicker from sincere to manipulative once about every second and a half. He finally settles on "petty" and leaves her to enjoy her view of Nikki and Johnny.
Back home at dinner, Johnny spills the beans to Mom about how Bob knew a kid killed himself in the house before they bought it and he let them move in anyway, knowing how traumatic that could be after Dead Dad blew his head off and all. Mom's not happy with Bob, but I'm not sure it's going to drive quite the wedge between them that Johnny would hope. In fact, all it leads to is an awkward heart-to-heart between Bob and Johnny later on where we learn that Bob was Dead Dad's "friend and business partner." Hmm.
Later that night, Johnny gets a mysterious instant message from an "08Nova," who knows Johnny's name and warns him to "be careful." He doesn't tell Johnny that he's too hold to be typing things like "Who R U?" but I suppose that wouldn't have been as creepy. The morning, Johnny gets another message, and he looks out his window to see Cliff on his computer. So Johnny's at least thinking of the obvious: that Cliff the dead body dummy prankster is behind this. Of course, all it takes is for "08Nova" to be like, "This isn't Cliff" and Johnny kind of drops it. Well, nobody said he was one of those intellectual drunks.
Greta picks up Johnny while he's off biking to...wherever, and they drive off to a remote windmill field where they tell each other their secrets. He confesses that Nikki's an old flame from rehab, meaning yes, he's an alcoholic. Johnny, hilariously, is like "I hope you don't think it's too unappealing," like, has he met Greta? That kind of damaged is all she knows. Greta, meanwhile, gives the boilerplate poor little rich girl spiel: her dad's a big-shot defense lawyer who barely has time for her, and her mom's dead, so she's left to be an emotional trainwreck all on her own.
Cocktail party at the Club. This is where all the adults go while their kids sneak off to booze in the golf cart shack. Sharon Lawrence sweet-talks Johnny's mom in that still-vaguely-Southern accent of hers (I now think it's actually supposed to be Southern, but it comes and goes like the breeze) and introduces her and Bob to her very young-looking paramour. He looks like he could be Phillip Rhys's smarmy cousin, so needless to say I hope he ends up intimately involved in the storylines.
Johnny brings Nikki to the Club party on the way to the Shack party, and they run into Liza who, of course, acts all flustered around Johnny's fine self. Oh, and she's dressed up like Harpo Marx due to some poorly-explained theme for the party. Anyway, on to the Shack, where Johnny is immediately Uncomfortable because everyone's already acting like a drunken asshole. Nikki, for her part, is looking awfully thirsty, and she ducks out with Cliff. She gets the 411 about Johnny and Greta and then takes a few longing glances at the plastic kegger cups before succumbing to Lady Liquor. And, much as I think Tessa Thompson has improved as an actress, she can't play drunk for shit. Way too over-the-top and not believable. Cliff manages to assure her, in between gulps, that she shouldn't worry, because Johnny and Greta are "doomed."
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Johnny, meanwhile, finds Greta and they duck away and talk about Eddie. Or, rather, Johnny asks about Eddie and Greta dances somberly around the subject. She also warns Johnny about how manipulative Cliff can be and that he "doesn't know where the line is." The line between offbeat-but-flirty sidekick and gay sociopath? Yeah, we noticed. "Consider yourself warned," she says, which reminds Johnny and the rest of us of his mysterious IM buddy.
Back at the Shack, Nikki's blitzed and making an ass of herself. Cliff marvels to Johnny about how that girl can really throw 'em back, which sends Johnny off looking for her. She manages to stagger her way over to the Club party, however, and she's up on the stage slurring "Route 66" by the time Johnny (with Jessie Jo's help) retrieves her. Sharon Lawrence is just scandalized, in her best Blanche Deveraux, and Johnny's mom and Bob are still talking about the drunk girl when they return home...to find Johnny and Greta holding Nikki's hair back as she ralphs into a trash can. Once Nikki is settled -- she admits she hasn't had three straight days of sobriety since rehab -- and the 'rents are placated, Johnny sees Greta out, and they finally kiss. And we at home are treated to an orthodontist's-eye view of the whole thing, which is nice. Still, number of people who have had sex in two episodes of this sexy summer soap: 0.
Finally, Johnny retires to his room where he's met by another communication from his mysterious IM buddy. "08Nova" sends a hyperlink that Johnny clicks and up pops a video of someone in a superfreaky scary mask. It's half The Joker and half Satan and all cree-pee. Creepier still, Johnny notices from the architecture in the room that it looks like whoever filmed this video filmed it in Johnny's own room. Then the guy whips off his mask and reveals that he's Dead Eddie! And he's played by J.D. Pardo, which just makes me miss Drive. He introduces himself to Johnny and says, "Welcome to my world." The world of the unflattering blue-tinted key lights?
week? Cliff keeps getting pummeled about the face. Leave the face alone, people!
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