Ramsay dismisses the Final Four, and then we have to listen to Mary ramble on about how she’s here to fight and she’s not the weakest chef, completely unaware of Cyndi and Ja’Nel openly rolling their eyes at her.
The morning, the chefs gather in the dining room with Ramsay standing in front of a couple of white boards with the Hell’s Kitchen logo on them. This week’s tortured metaphor is how cooking is like a puzzle or some bullshit, and he splits them into two teams -- Jon and Ja’Nel, Mary and Cyndi -- to put together some sort of food puzzle on the board. Cyndi gets mad at Ja’Nel for trying to do it all herself, but maybe Ja’Nel just wants to win? Jon and Mary get their picture of some sort of meat dish put together first. But as everyone can tell, this is not the real challenge, so they don’t win anything. Ramsay explains that this is the "Taste It, Now Make It" challenge. They’ll have thirty minutes to taste the dish (the one that’s in the picture) and then recreate it.
The teams get to work. Mary figures her mad butcher skills will give her an advantage in terms of determining the protein. Cyndi and Ja’Nel think that its venison, Mary’s going with bison (mmmm, bison) and Jon is confident that its beef filet (which is what it looks like to my untrained eye, but I would figure it’s a little more difficult than that). They all think the puree is butternut squash, so that’s a wash. As for the diced vegetable, Cyndi’s going with turnip, Ja’Nel and Mary think it’s parsnip and Jon’s picking celery root.
With ten minutes to go, Mary -- tasting the dish one more time -- thinks the protein is lamb and she scrambles to cook some. She’s not able to fully cook the lamb, but serves up the undercooked dish anyway.
Ramsay tastes the dishes, not saying anything one way or another when presented with each cheftestant’s dishes. Finally, he says the only way to win is to get the protein right, and then he tells Mary the protein was definitely not lamb. Jon’s beef was cooked beautifully, but it was the wrong protein.
Cyndi and Ja’Nel are right about the venison. Everyone was wrong about the butternut squash, though; it was carrot puree. So it comes down to the vegetable: turnip or parsnip? I can’t believe I’m watching a Fox show where a commercial-break cliffhanger is "turnip or parsnip?" I miss 24 so MUCH, you guys.
Turns out that its turnip, meaning Cyndi won the challenge. "I finally frickin’ won a challenge on my damn own!" crows Cyndi. Ramsay praises her extraordinary palate: She’s going on a shopping spree -- a thousand-dollar budget! -- at Sur La Table. "FUCKIN’ TURNIP!" yells Ja’Nel, which made me laugh. Also, he’s escorting her to dinner at a place called Fat Cow, his new Vegas restaurant. "Fat Cow"? Was "Wanker" taken? "Welcome to Fuck Off -- table for how many?" Meanwhile, the losers have to clean out the dressers and extra dorms because it’s moving day. An even worse punishment is to have to listen to Mary whine about how humiliated she is.
Cyndi goes shopping, and I love the fact that one of the things she buys is a KitchenAid mixer for her mom. Meanwhile, the losers discover discarded thong underwear and an egg-salad sandwich, like HOW DISGUSTING ARE THE CONTESTANTS?
Dinner at Fat Cow! Cyndi pumps Ramsay for info on what she needs to do. Ramsay gives her non-advice like "step out of your comfort zone" but fortunately Cyndi responds with equal meaninglessness like "take it to the level."
The losers schlep mattresses. Well, Jon does the bulk of it. Ja’Nel and Mary have the decency to thank him. He just wants to rest now, but they’ve got to go prep, which is what they’re doing when Cyndi comes back.
Later, Ramsay gives his pre-dinner pep talk, telling them they’ll each have a chance to run the pass tonight, so he can see how they lead a kitchen. "There’s four of you now. And after tonight’s service, there’ll only be two," he says, which I guess means tonight’s service is going to be spread out over the five episodes. He wishes them luck, and orders them to their stations. Mary squeaks at us about the pressure they’re under.
The guests start arriving and the cheftestants get to work. Ramsay calls out the first order, and Cyndi gets them off to a strong start, busting her ass on the risotto. "Delicious. Absolutely perfection," says Ramsay. "Thank you, Chef Ramsay, I’ll be here all night," Cyndi tells us. Oh my god, in the dining room: Is that Kirk Nieuwenhuis of the New York Mets? Uh, I’ll have to take your word for it.
And now Cyndi gets called up to the hot plate to run the pass. She calls out a ticket, but isn’t forceful enough for Ramsay’s liking. She takes another run at it, and all the other cooks respond this time. Sous-chef Andi is helping out in the kitchen and performing the sabotage role: in this case, making risotto with crab instead of lobster. She doesn’t catch it and Ramsay has to stop her. Cyndi’s pissed at herself for the mistake, but the risottos are remade and sent out. Oh my god, in the dining room, is that Kearran Giovanni of One Life to Live? Uh, I’ll have to take your word for it. At any rate, Kearran’s impressed! Overall, Cyndi did a good job. "But not great," says the narrator. Don’t be shitty, narrator!
Ja’Nel’s on the pass, where she observes that there’s no on really communicating, and resolves to start commanding the attention and respect from her fellow chefs. She keeps sending back risotto to Cyndi for more salt, prompting Ramsay to give Cyndi grief for serving him perfect risotto, but Ja’Nel unseasoned risotto and flat-out asks her if she’s trying to sabotage Ja’Nel. "Absolutely not -- no way, chef," she says. Ja’Nel’s not convinced, and can’t believe Cyndi is doing this to her. At any rate, the risottos to come up are perfect. Oh my god, in the dining room, is that Patrick Muldoon of Days of Our Lives? Uh… well, you get the idea.
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So Ja’Nel’s leading fine, but how about the quality control? Andi serves up what she says it’s halibut but it’s clearly cod. Ja’Nel catches it and Jon’s impressed with how Ja’Nel’s running the kitchen.
It’s his turn to show what he can do, but on his very first ticket, he calls out a Wellington with a "no pork" request, which is a problem because they’re pre-wrapped with prosciutto and they can’t unwrap that. After Ramsay points it out, they’ve got to call Jean-Philippe over and Ramsay gives both of them shit. Overall, Jon seems a little lost, and then Mary serves up raw lamb. He gives her hell for it, but it comes off mainly like he wants to show Ramsay how hard he is. Ramsay still has to yell at the women to tell them to get it together. So it’s not going great for Jon, but at least the entrees are getting out. By this point, he should be expecting Andi to try to fuck him (not literally) and she serves up butterfish instead of scallops. Jon plates it and serves it up. "Happy with that?" Ramsay asks him? Oh, you’re toast, Jon.
Ramsay tells him to taste it and he does. "Oh, you’re kidding me," says Jon. "Damn, this is one of those curveballs," he tells us, while we all revel in his cockiness being knocked down a peg.
Then he’s sent back to the fish station and Mary’s up to the pass now. "I’m going to own it," she promises us, like it matters to us one way or the other. Jon actually gives her credit for her high-pitched squeaky voice being able to cut through all the other chaos in the kitchen. Ja’Nel likes seeing "empowered" Mary but says she is being a bit of a tyrant. She does seem to be a little abrupt and abrasive, but you can’t argue with results. So it’s time for quality control! Andi’s serving up a Wellington stuffed with lamb instead of beef. It’s right up Mary’s alley; right away she thinks something is off with the meat and realizes it’s not beef at all. "Good catch," says Ramsay. Cyndi says, "Mary has arrived," which is nice. And also, "She’s grown some huge balls," which is a little less pleasant to contemplate. Mary did a great job tonight -- just ask her!
The final table is served, and Ramsay tells the group he has a lot of thinking to do about who’s going to stay and he also wants them to think about why they deserve to be in the final two. In the dorms, Jon decides to tell Ja’Nel that she fucked him, and Cyndi joins in on the Ja’Nel Sucks party. Ja’Nel, you might imagine, is not in agreement.
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Ramsay asks all the chefs why they deserve to be there. This aspect is as boring as it always is. I have drive! I have passion! I’m a leader! I will fight! I will service you sexually, Ramsay! You know, the usual stuff.
Ramsay tells him he’s never had such a difficult time deciding on the final two, but he’s made his decision. And the first person not moving on to the final is (after a commercial break) Cyndi. He calls her attitude fantastic and her palate amazing, but he doesn’t think she’s ready to lead what he’s got waiting for them in Vegas. "You were born to cook," he tells her. She tells us about how she came in with a lack of confidence, but has since blossomed and she gave everything she had. "I came here not knowing if I was a chef, and I’m leaving here knowing that I’m absolutely a chef," she says.
And then Ramsay drops down the screen to display who the first person one in the final is: Mary. "One of the strongest individuals in this competition, and someone who has just absolutely taken off," says Ramsay, who admits that when he met her, he didn’t think she’d last four dinner services.
So it’s down to Jon and Ja’Nel for the other spot, but we’re going to find out week. Because we need a cliffhanger to entice us to watch the finale? Jesus, that’s dumb. Anyway, I think it should be Ja’Nel. BUT I GUESS WE HAVE TO WAIT.
Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. He was surprised to make a mental note to eat at Fat Cow time he goes to Vegas. Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at danieljdaniel@gmail.com.
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