So Ja'Nel is on the Blue team now, and Jon sure isn't going to let Blue's dismal record stop him from crowing that Red team doesn't know what they're doing. Zach similarly thinks Red's not winning anything from here on out. Bold prediction, considering it's going to be time for the Black jackets soon anyway.
Sure enough, the morning Ramsay announces the final team challenge, and notes it's a chance for Blue to end the team challenges at 10-2 in favor of Red instead of 11-1 in favor of Red.
Ramsay brings out "Chef Owen" and "Chef Jon" who are there to demonstrate Ramsay's labored metaphor on how they, as chefs, have to be expert jugglers, and then naturally Jon and Owen start juggling knives and flaming torches. Jon tells Zach, "I can't juggle. I'm not gonna lie." First of all, I doubt you're going to have to juggle, and second, can people stop appending "I'm not gonna lie" to things they'd have no reason to lie about?
And then it gets cool, because Jon and Owen then start passing the torches and knives to each other, Ramsay CALMLY STANDING BETWEEN THE FLYING TORCHES AND KNIVES and his point ostensibly is he trusts them and teamwork and blah blah blah but really his point is "look how badass I am."
So this is the three-entrée relay: One teammate at a time in the kitchen, cooking for five minutes at a stretch without communicating with the others except when they switch off, and the challenge is to cook three entrées from the regular menu as accurately as possible in half an hour.
Zach and Cyndi lead off for their teams, Ramsay whispering that the three entrées are roasted chicken, rack of lamb, and halibut. Cyndi seems much more on the ball, while Zach doesn't really have anything cooking by the time Ja'Nel comes in to take over. "Zach didn't do anything!" Ja'Nel complains. Despite Cyndi having done a much better job, Susan is completely discombobulated, calling it total chaos. Bot Susan and Ja'Nel have fires going in pans that Ramsay has to come in and put out, with the oil in Blue spattering him just a tiny bit, in contrast to the previews from last week that attempted to make it look like he went all Freddy Krueger.
When Jon gets in the kitchen, he drops the chicken on the floor, and when Zach comes in to spell him off, Zach doesn't seem to realize that maybe the guy who was JUST IN the kitchen should be giving the instructions to the person coming in. Hilariously, everybody on Red thinks her teammates were completely useless during their shifts in the kitchen. Mary and Jon are the last ones in the kitchens, so their job is to finish everything off and plate it. But Mary isn't able to plate everything, and Jon is pissed because Blue's lamb is raw. You guys pulled a Susan!
Lamb is what Ramsay starts with, and Ramsay actually says, "OMG." Red's looks a mess, but at least it's cooked. Their polenta sucks. Blue's is good, but the lamb is raw, and Ramsay awards no points.
Chicken: Susan hilariously tries to hand Ramsay the baking pan with the chicken on it. Blue's is cooked properly. "THANK GOD FOR MY QUICK THINKING," yells Zach, since he's the one who saved the chicken after Jon dropped it. Point for Blue.
Halibut: Red's is badly seared on one side and tastes burned. Hard to imagine they'll get the point they need just to tie it up, but it doesn't matter because Blue's is beautifully cooked and gets one more point, winning the challenge. I'm surprised Jon and Zach even know how to celebrate anymore, since they really haven't had to do it. Their prize: a helicopter tour of L.A., followed by a trip to the Gillette Ranch, where they're going to eat $20,000 worth of caviar? It's the common touches that really makes this show so great.
Blue leaves to get ready while Ramsay asks Red what the hell's going on. Their punishment is to prep the truckload of potatoes and onions that are arriving so they can be sent to the L.A. mission, and then they have to prep both kitchens for tonight's service. And conversely, Red doesn't really know how to lose; Mary starts crying, and they manage to spill a box of potatoes all over the parking lot when they start unloading the truck.
Blue goes for their helicopter ride -- Zach popping a boner when Ja'Nel grabs his leg during a rapid ascent (she was between the men and grabbed Jon's leg at the same time, which would either bum Zach out or make him even more excited). I sure hope Ja'Nel's flattered when she hears Zach talk about how intrigued he was not because he's attracted to Ja'Nel or anything but just because "it's been a while."
As for Red, Cyndi is now hyperventilating, so things could be going better.
The medic comes to attend to her, around the time Blue is landing at the Gillette Ranch and trying the caviar, declaring it "money money money" (Jon), "so good" (Ja'Nel), and "baller" (Zach). Cyndi manages to recover from her asthma attack in time to help Susan and Mary peel potatoes.
Blue returns and starts getting ready for dinner service, with Ja'Nel wondering if there's anything she should know about cooking for Blue. Jon says their biggest problem was that people would just shut down and not be able to recover, and Zach non-helpfully advises her not to be "too cool for school." Jon tells us that he was, of course, talking about Zach.
Meanwhile, Cyndi's like an exhausted zombie, and Susan wants to make sure they do well, because even though they've proven themselves so often before, if they don't do well tonight, their "legacy will completely die," and that has to be one of the flat-out funniest fucking things anyone has ever said on this show. Yes, you want to take your place in history alongside all the other famous Final Three People on the Red Team that we, as a society, elevate to a place of reverence and esteem above all others.
Ramsay rallies the chefs, reminding them that tonight is the last hurrah for the separate teams: Those who survive will land the coveted Black jacket. And no pressure, but they're fully booked: Five-hundred people were turned away tonight. On the plus side, those people probably then went to restaurants where the possibility of getting food is a hundred percent.
Dinner starts! Great scallops from Jon, Ja'Nel's on top of the risotto, but Zach seems to be a little spaced and is having difficulty keeping track of the Wellingtons he's gotta make. No major hiccups yet, though. Red is humming equally well.
And then: Zach starts burning his lamb, and Ramsay has to point it out. "Don't shut down on me, Zach," Jon warns. And then in Red, Ramsay has to yell at Cyndi for jumping the gun on entrees, with a pan full of fish.
Blue is moving on to entrées, upping the pressure on Zach to perform, while Red can't get its last appetizer out; Cyndi overcooks the lobster tail, and Ramsay bounces it off the wall like a superball. Five-second rule! It's still good! It's still good!
Then the lobsters are raw. An angry Ramsay gets Andi to take over while he brings Red back to the pantry to yell at/murder them. He screams at them to "wake up" and slow down if they need to keep the standards up. Susan is all, "Woo! Yeah! Standards!" as they head back into the kitchen. "Being face-to-face with chef is a swift kick in my ass," Cyndi says. The yelling seems to have worked, since her lobster tails are deemed edible, and Red moves on to entrées.
Blue is just about ready to serve their first entrees, and Zach is doing that thing where he's not answering his teammates or Ramsay when they yell questions at him. But at least his entrees seem to be cooked perfectly. He's still having a little difficulty keeping the number of orders straight.
Cyndi's seafood entrées are good too, and Cyndi's confidence seems to have returned. Zach's confidence will never leave -- "I'm the fuckin' meat master!" he tells us, edited right before he serves up raw lamb. Ramsay yells at him that at this stage of the game if Zach can't give his best, he's history. "Pick it up or fuck off!" Ramsay yells. His teammates watch nervously as Zach serves his order of lamb, but it's cooked right.
Red's doing well and, according to Susan, no one deserves more credit for that than Susan. Both teams finish very strong. After the pitchfork is extinguished, Ramsay says they did well. Not perfect, but good, and what's important is that they all fought back. So both teams are winners.
The bad news is Ramsay has decided to give out just four Black jackets this time, and he wants each team to come up with a nominee to go. In the dorms, Susan apparently not only wants to not be the nominee but is demanding "extra credit" for growing as much as she has. So Mary has to try one-up the "No, I used to suck the most but am now awesome" game, pointing out she was up for elimination five times. Cyndi's rolling her eyes, and tells us Ramsay's not looking for the most-improved player but the MVP. This brings back horrible memories of the three years in a row I won most-improved player on my hockey team, but this isn't about me. Cyndi says she's been solid from Day 1, and Susan patronizingly says she hasn't seen Cyndi grow as much, and Mary similarly condescendingly says she would have expected better from Cyndi given her experience.
Over in Blue, Jon's all, "There's no way it's Ja'Nel, it's gotta be Zach." Zach can't believe it, because remember that time Zach cooked a chicken after Jon dropped one? Earlier today? Well, that settles that. Ja'Nel seems to be the tiebreaker, and she's torn between nominating the weaker chef (Zach) or the chef who'd be her strongest competition (Jon).
The teams file back into the kitchen, where Ja'Nel tells Ramsay they nominated Zach because of the multiple problems and breakdowns in communications. Cyndi announces herself as Red's nominee -- Ramsay appears surprised -- and dryly explains it's because her team feels that she should know better than to make the mistakes she's made. "The question was who is the weakest chef?" he reminds them. Cyndi says that would be Mary. Mary has the gall to look hurt at that, and Ramsay is all, "Yeah, what's the deal with Cyndi being nominated," and Mary squeaks out an excuse that she was looking at the question wrong and she's sorry she misunderstood, but in fact Susan is the weakest chef. And then Susan says she thinks Cyndi is. Tell him Cyndi hasn't grown! So Ramsay asks Ja'Nel who the weakest chef on Blue is, and Ja'Nel says it's Susan. Ramsay's all, "Hallelujah, two votes for Susan," and he makes Susan and Zach step forward.
Zach says he thinks he should stay and seemingly without any irony talks about how being an executive chef is all about being a team player. Susan says she should stay because she can operate under pressure.
Ramsay starts by taking Zach's jacket, and Zach waves goodbye. He says he'll continue his dream, and got to work side-by-side with a great chef, and if Ramsay ever called him, he'd work for him, no problem. Lucky for Ramsay!
Ramsay tells Susan that when she walks out the doors, she'll be successful -- but she's not leaving tonight. He orders her back in line. She starts to cry.
Ramsay tells them that tomorrow they have to do one more thing before he doles out the Black jackets, and dismisses them. Susan's take: "Obviously Chef Ramsay changed his mind tonight because he couldn't bear to see me go." Despite common sense, she seems to be entirely serious on that assessment.
Oh, and Ramsay is completely serious too: "There once was a chef named Zach. For words he didn't lack. But in the kitchen, he was no magician, and he won't be coming back."
Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. Can't wait for Zach's restaurant: Yelly. Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at danieljdaniel@gmail.com.