Well, this is "Seven Chefs Compete Part 1" so we know going in that there will be the good ol' "To Be Continued" sign tonight. How many episodes are they going for this season? Thirty?
The shell-shocked teams debrief in the dorms, with Jon -- possibly high -- talking about "the beast of Hell's Kitchen" rising up, and mixing in Frankenstein (let me be the pedant who points out he means "Frankenstein's monster") and Atlas. Anthony's assessment is simpler: "God, we suck."
Meanwhile, Red wonders how the hell Nedra went from awesome on apps for them to a complete implosion as soon as she went over to Blue. Mary thinks Zach is the problem, and not just because he is currently hanging out with Red and talking shit about Nedra. Mary figures he might have actually sabotaged Nedra. More sensibly, the rest of Red is working on getting drunk.
The morning, the chefs assemble in the dining room, everyone hyper-aware that six will receive black jackets. (So tune in week!) Ramsay starts rambling about the five senses, finally coming around to "touch," and with the help of two volunteers -- who wind up being Cyndi and Anthony -- he's going to be testing their senses of touch. Chef James wheels out a box with holes in it (is there really never anything better the show can edit in than a chef -- Ja'Nel in this case -- talking about how they had no idea what the challenge was going to be? Why do they always do this?), and Cyndi and Anthony step forward. Ramsay's going to put something in the box and they have to feel around and determine what it is. Mary, for one, worries that Ramsay could put "weird things" in there, "like Zach's boxers or a dragon." (I swear to God.) I presume Ramsay's going to stay in the realm of "food" not to mention "things that exist."
Ramsay sticks a bowl of egg yolks in there, and the chefs stick an arm in each and both get it correctly. (Ramsay using the less-than-ideal method of making them both say out loud at the same time what it is they're feeling.) They also both get polenta, although that one seemed tougher, at least for Anthony. Finally, it's a bowl of ice-cold oysters. (Their teammates are really helpful, yelling things like "really put your hand in there.") Anthony gets oysters and Cyndi didn't, but Blue wins. Not surprisingly, since that was such a quick game, Blue doesn't actually win jack shit, because that's just a warm-up for the blind taste test. Jon tells us he's been looking forward to this, and the two "idiots" on his team -- whoa! -- better be ready for it.
With Blue short a person, one of them will have to go twice. Zach thinks he should go, with his reasoning being that Jon smokes like a chimney and presumably has burned his taste buds beyond all function. We actually get the selection of the guy-going-twice as the cliffhanger going out to commercial.
In the end, with not much argument, Jon agrees to let Zach go twice. Ramsay is surprised. Mary is delighted, because she thinks Zach is a moron. She goes up against him in the first round.
Hilarity ensues when the chefs can't hear Ramsay through their ear muffs. Zach gets scallions correct, while Mary guesses shallots. They both guess plums when it's actually papaya. Then, somehow, Mary guesses "egg yolk" for turkey. Say WHAT? Zach gets it right and seals the round for the men when he gets zucchini (Ramsay accepts "squash" too) and Mary finally gets one right as well, so it wasn't a total washout.
Ja'Nel and Anthony are , Anthony confident because he's tasted lots of things with his eyes closed. (*cough*). But he guesses "potato" for broccoli, and loses ground to Ja'Nel, who gets it right. He mistakes pistachios for cashews and Ja'Nel ties it up by getting it right. Then Ja'Nel guesses tuna for halibut, but so does Anthony. The final one is prune. "Prunes kind of taste like a grandma," says Mary, who you might remember guessed "egg yolk" when she was eating turkey. Ja'Nel gets it right, and then Anthony takes forever to guess "licorice." Red's in the lead now.
So Jon better put up or shut up too, huh? He's up against Cyndi. They both nail cheddar, and Jon bests Cyndi by correctly identifying duck while Cyndi guesses chicken. But then Jon guesses "squash" while Cyndi gets the parsnip right. Final ingredient is Brussels sprouts. They both guess "cauliflower."
Red's still up by one when Zach goes up for a second round against Susan. First up: White asparagus. That's a thing? Apparently it's something on the menu. Susan guesses radish while Zach tries "celery." I see Anthony's not letting his goose egg deter him from grimacing when someone else gets one wrong.
Then boiled egg white. I'd probably get it immediately because it would make me gag. Zach gets it, and Susan guesses "soy." It's tied for garbanzo beans. Susan guesses peas, and then beats herself up because she eats hummus all the time. Zach also guesses peas, though, so it's still tied. Cauliflower: Zach guesses white radish, so Ramsay lets the tension build before Susan guesses... and we go to commercial.
Susan gets immediately after Ramsay taps her, so Red wins. Amusingly, Susan seems to think her one point was more crucial than Ja'Nel's three. Classic Susan! Ramsay mocks Anthony for being the only to get everything wrong, and then announces the women are going to enjoy some fresh seafood at Nobu in Malibu and after that they're going horseback riding. They scurry off to get ready.
Ramsay tells Blue they're in for a painful day, because it's delivery day. Zach sighs that he would like to riding horses, "but Chef Anthony has a palate like a bottom of a shoe." He probably couldn't even identify buck chewie!
So they get their back braces on and start unloading, enduring the catcalls of the women as they pass by on their way to Malibu. The restaurant -- right on the beach -- looks spectacular. Not for the first time I want to come to California (and also be ridiculously wealthy). So the women gorge themselves on amazing food while the men sling sacks of food. Anthony gets flour on the red carpet, so they have to clean that up too. Then the bread truck arrives, apparently around the same time the women get on their horses and do their best not to look completely dorky in their horse-riding helmets.
At Hell's Kitchen, four thousand pounds of ice arrive in fifty-pound bags. Anthony signs for it - "Ah, yes. Shitload of ice," he says, which was pretty funny -- and they start hauling it. They don't appear to even have enough room for it all. They're stacking it in the hallways -- generally not an ideal storage place for ice -- when James comes by and is all, "Uh, HOW MUCH ICE DID YOU UNLOAD," and it appears that watching Anthony sign for a "shitload of ice" wasn't just for comedic purposes, but also dramatic ones.
James looks at the invoice and tells them to make sure they've got fifteen of the twenty-five pound bags, and twenty of the fifty-pound bags. Jon and Zach are pissed at Anthony's "nonchalant attitude," and I'm not sure I blame them being pissed for all the extra unloading and then reloading they had to do.
Then it's time to prep both kitchens, which they're doing when the women return, unaware that not all the tension they're sensing is due to jealousy, and that some is due to hatred of Anthony.
The morning, Anthony knows that his position on the Blue team is pretty shaky, so he resolves to work his ass off. In the dorms, the teams get the call from Ramsay summoning them down to the dining room, where he goes over the top prize again and then reminds them they're getting close to the intermediate prize of the black jacket (one of which lowers dramatically lowers from the ceiling).
But he needs more information from them, because for the first time in Hell's Kitchen, he's doing an individual challenge with each of them because he wants to see how much they've grown. They've got forty-five minutes to make him whatever they want. Oh, so it's really just a little bit of Master Chef? The prize, he announces, is that the person who makes the dish he likes the best will be safe from elimination, no matter what happens in the dinner service.
So the chefs get to work. Susan's doing lamb -- despite Ramsay, in the season premiere, wanting to know if she was trying to kill him by serving it raw. Not the dumbest move, since Ramsay says it's specifically about seeing how much they've grown.
What boring storyline can we highlight in Blue? Well, Jon talks to himself while he's cooking. "It's how I process," says Jon. "I'm bouncing ideas off my own self." Zach's OK with it, as long as he doesn't answer. Zach throws his shoulder out praising his own creativity, and compares his dish to sending someone to the moon.
With seconds to go, Susan is horrified to realize her lamb's not done all the way through, and starts panic-searing. She's pushing the plating deadline. "Come on, Susan!" yells Ramsay.
The chefs get their food plated. "Who has the best dish?" he asks, and all the chefs raise their hands. "Love the confidence," he says. "Love the automatic response you know you have to give" is more like it.
He starts with Ja'Nel. He thinks back to her Thai grilled prawns (just two of them!). She's made pan-seared duck breast, with a Cuban-scented sweet potato puree and orange-glazed green beans (she nervously corrects herself after saying "orange-glazed carrots"). He says the duck is cooked beautifully and is beautifully seasoned. She gets to sit in the winner's chair for now. She would have, even if she'd made him puke, but he says she's set a high bar. Still, it's hard not to think going first is a bit of a disadvantage.
Anthony is up , knowing that he's got to do well because if their dinner service (week, clearly) goes bad, he'll be up for elimination. Ramsay reminisces about his scallop po' boy. Disappointing, he recalls. "Fucking disgusting" and "hideous," according to the flashback. But, Ramsay says, he's done some great things in this competition. Anthony has made a seared rib eye that he's seasoned with chili powder, salt and pepper and Italian seasoning, with caramelized carrots on the side. Ramsay calls it nice and soft and subtle, but it's slightly overcooked, and the carrots are practically raw. Ja'Nel's not moving from the chair.
So it's Susan's lamb dish now. He loves her tenacity, but it's raw. IT'S RAW. "At this stage of the competition, I expect you to nail it," he says. Ja'Nel's safe again.
Jon's up. Can I just say I love Ramsay pretending to remember perfectly what each chef cooked for him in Vegas? For Jon, it was scallop and foie gras with truffle. He nailed it. Here, he's made seared mahi mahi and citrus quinoa and a tropical fruit syrup. Visually it's got that "wow factor," Ramsay says. He tries it and says it's delicious, and when we come back from commercial, Ramsay announces that Jon has just edged Ja'Nel out of the winner's chair.
Mary the butcher, now, who butchered her seared duck breast in Vegas. She has made a pan-seared (everything pan-seared!) filet with a red wine reduction, with some jus, chicken stock, shallots and garlic. He says the filet is cooked beautifully, but spoiled with the heavy, over-reduced sauce.
Here comes Zach, yelling at us how proud he is of his dish. In Vegas he made a pork chop with an apple and fig puree that Ramsay liked, but the pork was slightly dry. Here he's got a "twist on surf n' turf," with filet mignon under prawns. But the prawns dominate, points out Ramsay, who is also concerned with the tiny medallions of filet. Zach has made medallions of a medallion, really. "Where's the rest of it?" asks Ramsay. "On our menu, I'm using that for a tartare," Zach "explains." Susan says she knows bullshit when she smells it, and she's not wrong. Ramsay says it's the first time he's seen anyone cut filet, and Zach says he was "thinking out the box," but Ramsay says he's got the balance upside-down. Good effort, but it's not beating Jon's dish.
That leaves just Cyndi. In Vegas, she had a delicious tri-coloured pepper-crusted New York strip. Here she's made a pan-seared halibut, with a "play on succotash": potatoes, corn, peppers and onion. Jon's worried that Ramsay's having a "food orgasm" over the dish. Indeed, Ramsay says it's one of the best pieces of halibut he's seen cooked so far. He wouldn't have put butter in the cream, though. He says it's difficult to choose between the two of them, so guess where we leave off this week?
Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. Personally, he thinks Anthony didn't do that bad a job hosting the Oscars this year. Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at danieljdaniel@gmail.com.
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