Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 9
Sous Chefs' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 2
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 15
Ramsay Quote of the Night: "You're running a kitchen, yeah? Not a nail bar." - To Christina
Contestant Quote of the Night:"She was just floppin' around like a flounder on the fish station." - Petrozza, about Christina
Last week: Service went swimmingly, despite Christina burning Ramsay (TWICE!) and Petrozza's general sloppiness. Corey and Jen went to perdition, and Ramsay sent Jen and her "big heart" packing. Thus endeth the reign of the most awesomely obnoxious and deluded contestant ever to grace the red, blue, and black kitchens. Now go use that small potatoes post-reality-TV money to do something about that hair, girl. Also, Christina won a killer shopping spree by feeding some fetuses and their bratty mummies.
And then there were three -- Ramsay-burning Christina, blonde bimbo Corey, and slovenly Petrozza. P-Nasty is my personal favorite, which probably means he'll go the way of the meat hook tonight just to hurt me...not to mention the fact that last week's promos portended of a face-off with Ramsay this week. Yikes! And now (dramatic pause) the continuation of Hell's Kitchen.
Ramsay wishes the contestants good night with a disgusted look on his face. Corey interviews that she worried about going home but does deserve to be here, and now she can "taste" victory. Oh you and your trite food puns, Corey! Christina makes no secret that she's glad Jen left. Corey launches into a game-time speech, affirming that she wants to win. Does anybody ever say "Meh, I made it to the finals -- I'm done here. Peace out..."? I mean seriously, we know they want to win. Move on.
So, back to the circle jerk. The three finalists high five each other for making it to the almost-end. Petrozza interviews with great puzzlement that there are only three people left. Yes, P-Nasty, it's called subtraction. Petrozza bids the bitches adieu and heads back to his quarters, while Corey and Christina share pillow talk. By which I mean Corey congratulates Christina by calling her a "fuckin' biatch." Elegance!
The morning, the triumvirate head downstairs, nervously awaiting Ramsay's latest devious surprise. Ramsay kicks off this stage of the competition by cooking one of his signature dishes for the contestants...and their families! Corey is all shock and smiles as her mother and boyfriend stride into the restaurant. Same, plus a slew of tears, for Christina upon seeing her parents. Petrozza flies into a rage, unleashes a fierce windmill kick on Ramsay, and finally burns down Hell's Kitchen when his father and girlfriend arrive. No! He was really happy, too.
Ramsay lets mushy greetings ensue, then formally welcomes the families. As he gets to work, we learn the sneaky twist tagged onto his uncharacteristic generosity -- the contestants will have to recreate the dish after their families leave. This could be a problem for blubbering Petrozza, who admits that "the food was secondary" to seeing his loved ones. Same for Corey. Only Christina is onto Ramsay's subterfuge. Consequently, she spends most of the meal probing her family about which ingredients are in the dish, with little success.
Ramsay closes the meal, the families exit, and Ramsay springs the challenge on the final three. In short, Corey's screwed. Ramsay allots 45 minutes and gives no other guidelines or hints. The chefs have only their wits...and need I even make the joke? They can barely make risotto...and they know what goes in that!
So the contestants start down the path to inevitable failure and embarrassment, noticing -- as if for the first time -- that, "Wow, there's a lot of different kinds of food in this refrigerator!" Christina chooses venison striploin for her protein, while Corey and Petrozza opt for filet of buffalo...until Petrozza changes his mind and goes with the venison. For the other ingredients, they all choose pancetta, onion, carrots, cabbage, and parsley. Christina adds a white bean puree, but doubts herself when she can't find white beans. The high-drama ends when she eventually finds them. Whew! Corey concocts a potato parsnip puree, but Petrozza leaves out the puree entirely. This omission even gets a "tsk-tsking" tone from Narrator Man. Oh, snap! To top it off, all three make a red wine reduction, and Corey semi-confidently adds in some raspberry framboise.
Ramsay ends the challenge, calling the contestants to rattle off their ingredients as he does the taste test. Petrozza gets basically no response. Ramsay issues Corey a quizzical look for her raspberry framboise. He gives Christina a similar dubious tip of the head for putting aioli in her puree, then explains to her that it was unnecessary. He calls out Petrozza for his lack of puree, then congratulates Corey for rightly risking the framboise. She also put cream in, which chafes at Christina, whose mother suggested that ingredient during their meal. Finally, the protein. Venison, indeed. Hasta la vista, Corey! So will it be Petrozza's shameless lack of puree or Christina's misguided aioli integration? Commercials.
And now for the results of Hell's Kitchen's "most difficult challenge yet." The winner is...Christina for a twofer. Petrozza beats himself up for forgetting the puree. Luckily, he can take out his frustrations during this week's punishment, which has him and Corey hand-crushing blocks of ice. Christina, on the other hand, will enjoy a progressive dinner date-slash-sightseeing tour with dreamboat Ramsay.
Christina runs upstairs to change into some of her new duds from Lisa Kline. She regrets that her family won't be there to share the reward with her when, lo and behold! They're waiting with Ramsay at the tour bus! And today our Tour Guide will be Shana, who ushers clan Christina through L.A.'s top tourist haunts. Afterward, they enjoy their first course at Grace, replete with sincere congratulations from Ramsay.
Meanwhile, it's snowing in Hell's Kitchen, as Corey and P-Nasty chip ice blocks. Petrozza puts on a caveman shtick that is funny and lighthearted, while Corey heaves death curses on Jen. Okay, can Corey go now? Ice isn't the only thing she's crushing now (hint: my spirit). In short, this is a painful and difficult punishment for all involved.
On the outside, the winners stop for their second course at AOC, where they eat politically incorrect foie gras. Christina's dad and Ramsay give her the sage advice to win-win-WIN! (In case she hadn't already thought of it.) Elsewhere, we see what happens to losers -- they have to polish water glasses! God forbid! Then it's back to double dates-ville as Christina says farewell to her parents. They don't show dessert. I suspect it involved sexual chocolate all over Ramsay's man pecs. When and if Christina wins, bear that image in mind.
After the foie gras and chocolovin', it's back to the grind for Christina. Just one more team dinner service stands between the threesome and the finals. Corey interview-poo-poos Christina's win, asserting that it won't help her win since Christina doesn't have the full package. Petrozza emphasizes that there is no second place in Hell's Kitchen, and Christina vows to give this service her all. And then it's Ramsay Pep Talk time. He reiterates the prize spiel, then says there's one more thing he needs from the chefs to help him make his decision. But we won't know what that is until after the commercials.
Sun sets on California as Ramsay gears the contestants up for dinner. And what exactly is that "one more thing" Ramsay needs to decide the final two? It's the aforementioned "Contestant as Ramsay" drill where they take turns on the hot plate while he hurls screw-ups and curses at them. Hot. Ramsay says this will test whether the chefs can actually run a kitchen.
Before things get started, Ramsay calls Petrozza over for "assertiveness training." It consists of Ramsay calling him a "lump" and telling him to take control. They role play, and Ramsay feigns handing Petrozza an undercooked Wellington, whereby P-Nasty has to surface and show underling Ramsay who's boss. And this is the "Petrozza mouths off " moment we saw last week? What a disappointment. I wanted some hullabaloo up in here! Oh well...Ramsay is impressed and tells Petrozza he got the message. Petrozza admits he's not usually one for yelling, so this will be a challenge.
He heads off, and Ramsay beckons Christina. He gives her a generic pep talk, which I take as a sign that he doesn't see any major weakness in her demeanor. Then the same role-playing drill, but with overly salty risotto. Hilariously, Christina kind of sucks at this. So much so that Ramsay seems to stifle laughter. He calls Christina a cheerleader, aping pom-pom motions, and says he can't take her seriously. Christina takes great umbrage at the insinuation that she has spirit, yes she does. Christina promises to bring the bitch out, then rocks her do-over.
Finally, we have Corey, who worries about her acting skills. Oh, honey, you don't have to act like a bitch, it will just come naturally. In lieu of a pep talk, Ramsay rams a plate of food into her torso. She matter-of-factly tells underling Ramsay the things he did wrong without injecting any of that Ramsay oomph we all know and love. Ramsay stops her, then shows her how she should act. He even breaks a plate! I love you, Gordon Ramsay! He sums it up simply: "Nice girls don't make great chefs." Remember you're talking to Corey here, Chef. That's not an issue. They try again, and Corey goes off on underling Ramsay and kicks him off the line. He's appeased and sends her off with the wise words that she has to run the line, or it will run her. He addresses them all once more, then gives Jean-Philippe the go-ahead to open the restaurant.
Ding ding! Suppa time! Guests arrive, cheerful as always that they may or may not sit around for 5 hours without a speck of food on their plates...or, if they do get food, that it may arrive tasting like garbage and accompanied by a symphony of swearing. So much to look forward to! Ramsay reads the first ticket, and Christina VOs that she has to be perfect tonight to make up for a track record of mistakes during past services.
Appetizers are heading out after 31 minutes, and entrees are cooking. This is undoubtedly thanks to the sous chefs, who pitch in. However, they'll also be partaking in the gambit to undermine the competitors. Ramsay pulls them aside to run down how they're going to trip up the contestants. Unfortunately all they've got are lumpy mashed potatoes, pea-less risotto, sauce switching, and herb errors. Come on, people! Put your minds to work!
So, now that service is going smoothly, let's muck it up by putting Petrozza on the hot plate! He fares well for several dishes, but then comes the test. It's the dreaded pea-less risotto! Ramsay rushes him along, all the better to disorient him, then asks for approval. To Petrozza's discredit, he okays the risotto. Petrozza laments that he wasn't expecting this trickery. Back in the kitchen, he half-heartedly sends the risotto back to Scott, and Ramsay tells P-Nasty to wake up.
Spurred by this first mistake, Petrozza hones in on Christina at the fish station, at which point she starts burning things. Ramsay looks on worriedly as Petrozza continues to be the politest taskmaster on the planet. Christina tries to redeem herself for burning the fish by handing over...wait for it...raw fish. Now she's on both Ramsay's and Petrozza's shit lists. Ramsay tries to snap her out of it by yelling and threats, but -- surprise, surprise -- that only serves to fluster her more. Her fate hangs in the balance as we head to commercials.
We return, an hour into a service halted by Christina's string of blunders. Petrozza worries that Christina's screw-ups will make him look bad, too. Christina magnifies her mistakes by forgetting prawns with her John Dory (boy did I ever think I'd be writing that sentence...). Ramsay, who is himself sabotaging his contestants, accuses Christina of sabotage. She VOs that it would be silly to hamper Petrozza by looking like an ass herself -- cut to a shot of her dropping a pan on the floor. At this point, she admits that she has practically bought a ticket on the express train to elimination.
Petrozza merits a "well done" for his time on the hot plate, and concluding that he did well. Corey takes over the sinking ship and immediately flubs the first order by not noticing that a ticket had six appetizers but only five entrees. She, too, gets a "Wake up!" from Ramsay. What she lacks in math skills, though, she makes up for in haggery, when she randomly starts yelling at the other chefs because they don't give her a hearty "Yes, Chef!"
Corey sends out a few entrees, and it's time for Operation: Cream Corey, courtesy of Sous Chef Scott. He sends the wrong sauce out with the Wellington, which Corey notices only after pouring it. A grimacing Ramsay gives no second chances, and Corey is shipped back to her station immediately after the sauce snafu. Corey worries that her pour leadership skills will sink her if she doesn't perform perfectly in the rest of service.
And now for a little ditty called "Redemption" in the key of Christina. Ramsay delivers the specific pep talk he failed to give earlier, telling her, too, to wake up. She quickly duffs it by not being assertive enough. Soon enough, though, she begins to take sadistic pleasure in exercising power over her teammates. As Christina tries to save herself from a poor show of cooking, Corey redeems her poor leadership by preparing a perfect Wellington. Christina ultimately becomes drunk with power, pulling out the bossy boots and pissing off Sous Chef Scott. In turn, he garners Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter status while muttering threats of bodily harm against Christina.
Anger aside, Christina is doing a good job of being assertive. But will she survive Sous Chef Gloria's Machiavellian inclusion of the wrong seasoning in her mashed potatoes. Spoon goes to mouth, and Christina actually catches the mistake and gets kudos from Ramsay. She ends her time at the pass praying her performance there will erase any memory of the fish incidents.
As they prepare dessert, the contestants chat about the service. Christina readily cops to her rocky start. Corey brûlées the last order, and Ramsay gives them props for finishing their last team service. He gets down to business soon enough, though. Suspense builds as he says he doesn't know who belongs in the final. Ramsay promises to make things hard for the contestants...and commercials.
We return to Ramsay's doubts about the chefs. He recaps their performances' pros and cons. Corey ran her station perfectly, but sucked at the hot plate; Christina's had the exact opposite issues. Petrozza was so-so overall. Ramsay charges them each to nominate one person for elimination.
Back at the dorms, Petrozza and Christina are forlorn about the weight of this decision, while Corey takes an "It's not personal, it's business" approach. None of them is sure who will leave their jacket on the meat hook tonight. Christina counters Corey's partnering potential against Petrozza's experience. Petrozza is reluctant to set up his friends. He claims it's the most difficult word he's ever had to speak.
Everyone reconvenes in the darkened restaurant. Ramsay gives a proud papa speech, then says he doesn't like the eliminations. But the show must go on! Corey nominates Christina for being a "deer in the headlights" under pressure. Christina's all, "Right back atcha, bitch," citing Corey's subpar leadership skills. Petrozza predictably nominates Christina for her shoddy fish cookery. And we'll find out our finalists after watching a horrifying commercial for Hell's Kitchen: The Game. Let's just say Ramsay does not translate well into avatar form.
Back to business -- Ramsay delivers the good news first. Petrozza will face off against one of the ladies in the finale. But who will it be? Christina pleads her case first, saying she shows promise, despite her meager experience. Corey counters that she is strong, persistent, and hard-working. Ramsay ponders, and we flash back on both chefs' best and worst moments. Ramsay comes to his decision...and it's Christina. Guess that post-sightseeing human fondue paid off after all.
As Corey leaves, Christina promises to pick her for her team in the finale. Ramsay gives her a lovely send-off, praising her talent and ambition. After that, however, we flash to a shot of Christina trying to overturn her "dumb blonde" image by taking off her clothes while Louross leers, then stabbing her friends in the back during eliminations, and finally setting things (including but not limited to her own hand) on fire. As she walks toward the light, Corey remembers that glorious Wellington and affirms that there are other opportunities out there for her and her sailor mouth.
Ramsay congratulates Petrozza and Christina for besting 13 other competitors. He reminds them that an Executive Chef position is at stake, but surprises them that first they have one more test. Huge screens drop down featuring some sort of startling slideshow, but we'll have to wait until week to see it with our own eyes.
week: The stunning conclusion of the battle between an old dog and a new trick! Before they go head-to-head, Petrozza and Christina get frank over rosé bubbly. Christina doubts her design acumen when her restaurant is butt-ugly. Petrozza goes Asian with his menu. Six eliminated contestants return to eff things up some more. Ramsay continues to doubt his finalists. And a lot of this takes place at the original Gordon Ramsay London restaurant...in NYC!
Still hungry? Check out our Ten Reasons We Wouldn't be Caught Dead Eating in Hell's Kitchen! To see what's good on TV tonight, hit up Going Through Channels!