Mass Hysteria

S08E22

If you wanted to see an hour of five people on the verge of a nervous breakdown, then you came to the right place. We see how all of our residents performed during the exams, and it's not pretty. Catherine and Richard aren't the only examiners who like to mess with the residents, and all of the members of the Seattle Grace contingent kind of lose it in some way or another. Cristina is super confident, but when her examiner starts to act like he doesn't agree with her methods, he spars with her until she loses her cool and basically says she's a genius and he's a dinosaur and she can do any procedure any number of ways if he'd just tell her what he'd like to hear. This doesn't go over very well, and he ends her test early. Alex, on the other hand, does manage to make it to the hotel just as his examiners are giving up on him. They explain that he's missed the first session which means he has to pass the other two. (The test is given in three sessions and a resident can fail one and still pass overall.) He gets tripped up by some questions and ultimately finishes up frustrated and sure that he blew it.

Mere manages to make it through the two of her three sessions without vomiting, but her examiners think she's got a weak stomach when it comes to gross medical procedures. She calls Derek and fesses up to having the flu and asks him if she should quit and go home or keep going. Derek was schooled by Bailey earlier to not give concrete advice (more on that in a second) and to use metaphors instead, so that's just what he does. Mere winds up staying and during her third session, she gives up trying to hold it in and just pukes in a wastebasket mid-question. The examiners want to call off her exam but she's doing better now that she's emptied her stomach and insists they continue with just one or two more barfy interludes. In just letting it all hang out, she seems to get her confidence back, too.

Jackson can't handle that his mother is administering an exam in the room right to his and that he can hear her through the wall (and that each time he thinks of her, he remembers Richard answering the door in his bathrobe and all that implied). He loses it a little in front of his examiners, who take it to mean that he's easily distracted. April is having an even worse time taking her test. In addition to sweating through her jacket and shirt, she melts down when she wants to go back and add something to an answer she already gave; you aren't allowed to do that, but she can't control her mouth and keeps pleading with the examiners to understand what other things she might do in the scenario she was given.

In the break between their second and third sessions she and Jackson wind up in the men's room together (Mere and Cristina have locked themselves in the ladies') and the subject of their night together comes up again. Jackson feels like an asshole but April assures him that she's the one who wanted it to happen and nothing is his fault. What she's grappling with now isn't just her fear that Jesus hates her, but that she actually had a great time doing it. And... she and Jackson wind up doing it again in the bathroom. Once she goes back for her third session she begins to talk about her religious beliefs and the struggles that she's had trying to keep them under wraps for fear of what others would think. One of her examiners reminds her that this is inappropriate and she's to answer the question but she can't seem to stop herself, at least for a few more minutes. Somehow, she also manages to tell them that she just had a quickie during the break, which is something else I imagine they really didn't need nor want to hear.

Back in Seattle, a childhood friend of Arizona's -- Nick -- comes in with lots of stories and inside jokes so that we understand just how close the two of them are, and how devastated they both were when Arizona's brother died. Nick has cancer and when his naturalistic attempts to cure it didn't work out, he decided to come see Arizona and Callie. He neglected to tell Arizona that he has had it for years; when Callie opens him up to operate she finds that it's spread everywhere and there's not really anything they can do. Arizona is furious with him and reads him the riot act since they might have been able to help had he come to them earlier, and now she's going to have to go through losing another brother figure.

Mark spends the morning before work with Julia in a cozy domestic scene that makes her blurt out that she'd like to have a baby with him. He's shocked, and at work he runs to Derek for advice. Derek's not sure what Mark wants to hear, but he does pull Lexie aside and, as her brother, warns her that this is happening which makes her freak out and also beg for guidance on what to do. When Derek complains to Bailey about everyone coming to him for help, she advises him to use metaphors rather than straight advice so that no one can blame him if something goes wrong. This way, she explains, people will make the metaphor work however they really want it to do and will find their own way. As Derek, Mark, and Lexie do a surgery together he basically uses metaphor to advise Lexie to tell Mark how she's feeling so that she doesn't wind up withered and alone. That evening, Lexie finds Mark and spills all of her feelings to him. He looks completely blindsided but never has a chance to respond because just then, Julia arrives to meet him and he's left just staring slackjawed at his ex.

So y'all probably want to know the results, don't you? Meredith, Cristina, Alex and Avery all pass, and begin dancing celebratory jigs in the ambulance bay until Avery realizes April has disappeared. They turn around and see her staring, stunned, at her Blackberry... which just delivered the bad news that she failed.

"Carpe diem" has widely been a phrase that inspires people but this week, Mere is griping about it via VO while the residents (minus Alex) sit outside and gripe about the exam. Well, "gripe" might be too light a word -- "despair" is probably more accurate. Mere VO-wonders how one is supposed to plan a life and their family if always carpe diem-ing. They all moan about how hellish and tricky the test was and groan about how the test isn't going to be given for over a year. Mere finally realizes they are missing one member of their party and asks if anyone knows how Alex did, and April answers by asking if anyone knows if he made it. Mere, and, surprisingly, Cristina, are both confused and horrified by the question.

This carpe diem stuff is ridiculous and doesn't seem to apply to anything, so I declare it dead to me this hour. Basically, the takeaway for me is Mere is miserable, sick, and grumpy, and despairing about her future. Because really, I think there are plenty of ways one can seize the day while also planning a future, hence my boycott of this week's voiceover. Catherine is waiting by the elevator and seems down as well, which is surprising given her earlier glee from the night's antics. Richard gets off the elevator and sees her, worried that she's upset about what happened. She is quick to say that's not it at all -- she talked to someone and found out that one of the Seattle Grace doctors didn't pass, though she doesn't know who. All she knows is that if it's Jackson he's going to blame her forever. I don't know if he'd blame her forever but I'm not going to lie that seeing your mom in post-coital bliss with your ex-boss would be enough to throw your brain for a loop and screw you right up when you're already wound up about taking the most important test of your life.

Now it's time for the Wayne's World back in time sound effect. Doodly-oo, doodly-oo, doodly-oo! (What? How do you spell it?) It's six hours earlier, and we see a montage of the examiners welcoming the residents to the test. The setup is this: There will be four scenarios given in each of three 30-minute sessions, with 10-minute breaks in between. They must pass two of the three sessions to pass the exam, but the administrators are not allowed to indicate if they have passed or failed each session. They will be rated on how they diagnose, manage treatment, and handle the unexpected -- so, trick questions. One of Cristina's administrators is Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World. Yeah, yeah -- I'm sure I'm not the only one who recognized him from that. As he gives Cristina the instructions he talks slowly and stops and starts a whole lot and she can barely contain herself. She finally finishes a sentence for him and he asks her pointedly if she is in a hurry. She tries to be nice as she says no, she is just ready when he is. And so the test begins, and all of them are answering their scenarios. Poor Mere has the added stress of trying to not upchuck all over her administrators. Everyone is quite nervous but April really takes it to another level. She asks tons of questions about everything they ask in an incredibly panicked, squeaky voice. The two examiners who are scheduled to administer Alex's exam, meanwhile, figure they will give him 15 minutes and then talk about last night's baseball game. Honestly, this does seem kind of evil; the administrators really do try hard to make the doctors doubt every one of their answers, just like Callie did to Meredith. Even Cristina seems to be rattled, though she sticks to her answers.

Finally, we see that Alex has made it to San Francisco, but his cab is stuck in gridlock. He tries to bribe the cabbie to take the bus lane but the guy is worried about silly details like his "license" and "insurance" if he gets caught. Alex asks how far they are away and when the guy tells him it is 20 blocks, Alex throws money at him and then gets out of the car and sprints away. While the administrators shoot the shit, he sprints down the sidewalk, shoving passers-by out of his way.

Back up in Seattle, Mark makes me love him even more by making pancake faces for Sofia and Julia. He frets about Jackson and can't calm down because he knows the test is going on right now. Julia thinks this is cute and tells him he's a natural father. He keeps asking if she's sure she doesn't want anything when she says, as if she was suggesting maple syrup... "We should have a baby." Mark's face turns to stone as Julia suddenly freaks out. Mark certainly has a type in women who blurt things out and then panic about it. Granted, that could describe many women on this show in general. To the couple of men watching and/or reading, I promise that this kind of thing happens far less in real life. Julia is in a panic and grabs her things to go as she explains that she really likes Mark, and Sofia, and Sofia's moms, and everything is great, and don't worry, they can talk later. Mark's face has barely even budged. She adds that she'd say there was no rush but her FSH levels are telling her that rushing wouldn't hurt. She kisses him and runs out, and a shocked Mark just goes over and gives his daughter a smile.

It seems that the thing he did was text Callie about it, because she reads it on her Blackberry and gasps out loud as she tells Arizona. Arizona doesn't take much notice because she's nervous and busy beating herself up for not picking up a friend from the airport. Through her self-flagellation we learn that her brother's best friend Nick is on his way, and Arizona explains that he was her rock when Tim died. Of course, this makes her feel even guiltier for making him take a cab. Callie tries to assure her that this doesn't make her a terrible person, but Arizona's not really convinced. She still thinks it's rude especially when he just flew in from Tibet and has cancer. Callie reminds her that he just found out six months ago, and it's very slow growing so he'll be fine. Arizona smiles and tells Callie that since Callie will be the one doing the surgery, she knows it will be fine. She then adds happily that she's sure they are going to love each other. In TV Land, this usually means the opposite is about to happen; that, or they'll get along but it will turn out his slow-growing cancer isn't going to actually be a walk in the park.

Arizona sees him in the waiting room and they share a big hug, and then she notices that he's holding a cane; he good-naturedly reminds her he's got cancer and says it hurts to walk. She's surprised since the diagnosis was only six months earlier and Nick quickly tells her, "Did I say months? I meant years. So! You must be the wife!" Callie's face goes from happy to wary as they greet each other, while Arizona looks absolutely crushed.

Mark then tells Derek what happened and starts musing about it: first, he says it sounds crazy but might be genius since he loves Julia and wants Sofia to have siblings. Derek realizes that Mark's actually trying to get Derek's opinion and Mark immediately asks, worried, if Derek thinks he shouldn't. They banter a bit and Mark keeps trying to guess if Derek is telling him to do it or not to do it. Derek simply asks if he wants Julia in his life forever. Mark keeps flip-flopping, and seems pretty desperate to get Derek's answer about what he should do. Lexie bounds up and cheerfully asks what they are talking about; Derek manages to smoothly tell her it's about their upcoming surgery.

They go into a room where a patient is wearing a helmet that looks very similar to the one my nephew had to wear for a little while to help even out the shape of his skull. But this one is just blue while my nephew's had awesome graphics of planes and whatnot, so obviously he wins. The patient, Charlie, fell off the roof and then after they had to remove a portion of his skull he wound up with basically a big dent in his head. Now that the swelling has subsided, they're going to fix that. Lexie is giving all the info but finally gets distracted and stops to ask him what he was doing when he fell off the roof, as if this is a totally inconceivable and ridiculous injury. Well, I mean, it's kind of ridiculous in that I'm sure it was avoidable, but someone going on to their roof to fix it is far from the most outlandish thing I've ever heard and I can't muster up too much surprise that someone could also then fall off. This is why I don't spend much time on roofs, myself. He's married to Libby from Lost and she tells Lexie he was being an idiot and then at Charlie's protests that the roof needed fixing, tells him that she wanted roofers to be the ones to take care of it. Derek takes over from Lexie and explains that they are going to attach a titanium roof to his skull to fix him up, and Charlie is completely stoked at the idea and starts asking questions about drills and screws. So we now know he's a DIY nut, but Libby begs the doctors not to encourage him.

Owen, meanwhile, is tasking Bailey with wooing some potential new attendings despite her insistence that she's not the wooing type. He begs her, pointing out that they might be losing some good doctors to other programs after the test and so they need some fresh new talent. Bailey reluctantly agrees to woo this one time, and goes off to find her wooees. As she walks away Teddy walks up, and she has definitely thawed towards Owen; things are still awkward between the two of them but they both seem like they want to try and get along now as she asks if he knows what Cristina wants to do year. He doesn't, so she asks if he will keep her posted. He smiles tentatively and assures her he will. Man, that whole exchange was like a breath of fresh air! What a relief.

We know session one must be over because Cristina and Mere both walk out of their rooms at the same time; after one look at each other, Meredith runs over and pukes into a cleaning cart which thankfully is only a few feet away. Thank goodness this is Cristina and she knows not to take it personally since it looked very much like it was the glance that caused it. Cristina hands Meredith some tissue but can't maintain her sympathetic face for too long before she breaks out in a grin and gleefully notes how easy the first session was. Mere wearily tells her she wants to punch her, and Cristina dutifully hands over more tissue.

Alex's examiners have finally given up and are packing up their things when Alex runs in. He manages a breathless apology and tells them that he was stuck with a patient, but doesn't get the answer he was hoping for when the woman tells him that he was supposed to be there at 9. He gets his hackles up and repeats, angry, that he was with a patient but she evenly points out that they all have patients but they managed to make it on time. Alex asks indignantly if he just fails, now -- as if he deserves a pass just for showing up at all. He's lucky that the guy tells him that yes, he has failed the first session, which means he has to now pass the other two. So at least he's getting a chance.

As Jackson walks down the hall during the break, his mom catches up to him and he is not at all happy to see her. He is ticked that she seems to show up everywhere he is but she ignores this and asks how he did. When he doesn't answer she tells him she knows he must be shocked from what he saw that morning. He finally responds, yelling at her about being shocked to find her in bed with one of his senior attendings. He's making a scene, and she's none to pleased about it. He growls at her about always being around every corner but she argues that she's a woman and has needs. They don't seem to be having the same conversation here and that is confirmed when he rolls his eyes, and she tells him that if he doesn't want to talk about it like an adult, he shouldn't bring it up. Jackson very rightly points out that he was not the one who did. He finally yells at her to leave him alone but she follows him down the hall; when he yells at her again she tells him that she's just heading back since she is the examiner in the room to his. He gives up, muttering, "Of course."

By Lauren S

Second session. April is super nervous as she gives an answer, and the examiner drily informs her that her patient just died. She gapes at him but he just moves on to the scenario even though she begs to go back. Meredith, meanwhile, is having a hard time controlling her gag reflex as she's asked a question about a patient with bloody stools and rectal burning. One of her examiners asks her pointedly if she's squeamish, and sounds ready to pounce. Mere tells her no, but keeps swallowing and can barely get words out. Basically, for every answer our residents give, the administrators ask them something in return, trying to instill doubt or knock them off their game. Or both, really. Alex gives an answer that seems to actually please his people, but April is not so lucky. She keeps trying to go back and amend her last answer but they remind her that this isn't allowed. She stops and apologizes, but then sits and fidgets and finally can't contain herself and yells at them that she needs them to understand why she'd do whatever it was she said she'd do. Seriously, this stuff is so rapid fire and all over the place that I understand maybe every fifth word of the medical stuff. April is sweating buckets and finally takes off her coat but realizes as she fans herself that she's got huge sweat rings all over her shirt underneath. Once again she tries to go back, and her instructors are showing some great self control to not explode back at her. She finally completely loses the plot and starts yelling at them and finally dissolves into desperate pleading, telling them she is a really good doctor and just needs all of the info to answer the questions -- info she thinks she is not being given. Finally, pathetically, she whines once more that she's a really good doctor and then we mercifully cut to commercial. I actually really like Sarah Drew, and I think she just was given an annoying character to play and that the show has never really figured out what to do with April other than to focus on how she gets nervous and squeaky.

Cristina is giving answers sounding dangerously close to bored. Mr. Feeny is pouring himself some tea and takes a cookie as he keeps telling her that her patient is still not doing well. She gives another course of treatment and he acts surprised, calling it a risky move. She's obviously annoyed but she keeps herself contained as they move on even as he tries to goad her into arguing with him.

Callie gives Nick and exam and when he tells her that something doesn't hurt, she applies a bit more pressure and he can't help but wince. She can't help but needle him that this is what happens when one waits six years to be treated. He tells Arizona that Callie's not shy, and Arizona proudly tells him she never wanted that anyway. He tells them that he tried naturopathy and insists that it worked but I kind of think the wincing and the cane show that he might be in a bit of denial with regards to his own results. Arizona scoffs at him. He then explains that when he knew he had to go to an ortho surgeon, he remembered that Arizona married one. But then he adds seriously, "Not that it was a real wedding." Callie's eyebrows shoot sky-high and she starts to get her equal rights panties into a bunch but it turns out he's referring to his and Arizona's "wedding" when she was ten. They reminisce happily about the ceremony in her treehouse, and how he was probably the last boy she ever kissed. Her face falls, though, when they begin to talk about her brother Tim. Callie is fine to cut all of this short and tells him she's ordering new scans because his are old; much like he did when they first met he cheekily slips in that the scans are older than even they think. He was having too much fun traversing the world and climbing mountains and whatnot. Nick asks her if Callie's attitude means he's dying but she assures him lightly that he'll be fine and Callie is the best. They agree that they missed each other tons and give each other a big hug.

Bailey is wooing her way down the stairs, telling the candidates all about the time they can have for research projects, field work, and screwing up groundbreaking medical trials, but they are more interested in things like offices and assigned parking spaces. Bailey is thoroughly annoyed and since she doesn't have sexy, wooing answers to those questions, she snaps at them that she'll have to check and get back to them.

Derek is doing a practice run of screwing a plate on to Charlie's skull when Lexie finds him and tells him that Mark is letting her "graft the fat" during the surgery. Yay? Derek, seeing how happy she is, declares he's going to be her big brother for 30 seconds and then announces that Julia wants to have a baby with Mark. Lexie positively flips and immediately wants to know what exactly she said, how the conversation happened, and other details that women always want and men, never, ever think to ask when talking to their buddies. He's alarmed by all of her questions and tells her his time is up, then starts to make his way carefully to the door. Lexie finally calls after him that she hopes he told Mark it's an insane idea.

By Lauren S

Cristina and Mere are holed up in the bathroom during the second break while Mere moans about her gross questions. Cristina isn't terribly sympathetic and wants to complain about ancient Mr. Feeny. April knocks on the door and begs them to let her in, but Cristina brushes her off by saying that Mere is sick and refuses to open the door.

Bailey finds Derek and asks him if she should show the prospective doctors the gym, wondering if the cobwebs in there might put them off. Derek doesn't answer and instead asks her when he became an advice columnist. Oh Derek, Mark is always like this, and you volunteered the info to Lexie and started that conversation, so you don't have a leg to stand on. He whines that no one will make up their own minds but Bailey tells him that they will, but they just might need a little bit of help getting there. She explains that when people come to her with a problem, she gives them a metaphor, and he should try the same approach. He's skeptical, and asks what kind, but she tells him that the beauty of this method is that you can say anything, because the person you are talking to will figure out a way to apply it to their own situation and will then make the decision that deep down they were going to make in the first place. Ah, so it's like writing a horoscope, then. Derek is all cocky and tells her that he'll stick to honesty, thankyouverymuch, but she just tells him to suit himself. She adds, though, that when someone takes his advice and then everything goes horribly wrong, he's going to be blamed for it.

Jackson walks in to the men's room and is greeted by panicked screeching and all of the men fleeing into the hall. This is because April is in there, wearing her skirt and a camisole, trying to dry out her shirt under the hand dryer and while she does, she screams that it's no big deal, they are all doctors and should be able to see each others' bits without freaking out. Jackson calls her name and it knocks her slightly back to sanity; she offers him a shaky and embarrassed hello. They ask each other how each other is doing and in answer they both start getting worked up again about how they are failing and the test is a total mindfuck, to paraphrase lots of back and forth fretting. April finally yells that also, she broke her promise to Jesus and now can't talk to Him when He is the only one who can calm her down. This sets Jackson off anew; he wants to know why she let him do it because now he's the asshole who made her break her promise to Jesus. She tries to break in and tell him it's okay but he's on a roll and finally yells that that kind of behavior is, and I quote, "very unbecoming, especially for an Avery." No matter what I think about April right now, she's totally justified in incredulously mocking him for actually letting those words escape his lips. She thinks it's offensive that he's comparing her breaking her promise to the Lord with putting the tiniest of dents in the Avery family crest.

He then calls his wife who finally admits that she's sick as a dog, and he asks why on earth she didn't tell him before. That's a really good question, actually, but not one we get the answer to because Mere just moans about possibly failing and then asks him, "Will you still love me if I fail?" Derek asks her if she wants to be yelled at or told to come home, and she whines that she just wants to be told what to do. Aha! Here is the perfect chance for a metaphor! And he does a good job pulling something nonsensical out of his backside and tells her with a serene smile that the test is a mirror. We then get a ridiculous shot of the Mere on the phone on one side of the screen and Derek's face overlaid on the other side, and each time one of them talks their picture gets stronger. I'm sure it is its own metaphor, somehow. Maybe about how this show is sometime so ridiculous that I have an out-of-body experience and can almost see myself from above, writing my recaps? Mere asks him what on earth that means and finally guesses that she won't like herself if she gives up and won't be able to look at herself in the mirror. Derek won't confirm if that is what he meant -- probably because he doesn't even know what he meant -- and assures her that no matter what she decides, he'll still love her. She's still grumpy but he seems thrilled that this metaphor plan is actually working.

Final session. April is now calm, after her little tension relief session in the men's room. The examiner tells her that she has a patient with an advanced disease that has become terminal; what does she do? April thinks a moment and then answers honestly that she prays for them. Four eyebrows shoot up to the sky as she tells them in a zen-like state that she knows it's not the right answer, and then she adds that she's not even sure He's listening now, anyway. Her male instructor warns her how inappropriate this is but April casually tosses back that so is having premarital sex with a friend in the men's room but she just did that, too. It was around this moment that I put my money on April being the doctor who doesn't pass even though really, they leave that one pretty believably up in the air until the last possible moment. She muses about how she's been surrounded by scientists for a decade and kept quiet about her relationship with God for fear of being laughed at or judged to be less of a doctor. Well, now we know why her revelation last week seemed to come out of left field and it doesn't seem like quite so much of a cheap play by the writers, I guess. She goes on that she was hiding and ashamed to admit that she loves and relies on Him. She's not sure if she screwed up or freed herself from those limitations, but she thinks she's now done hiding. Her examiners seem to be almost done listening, but when one repeats the actual test question again April finally composes herself and launches into an actual answer.

By Lauren S

Up in Seattle, their potential replacements are now looking critically at the food offerings in the cafeteria. Many of the current attendings are at a table, watching them and rightly mocking one of them for actually sniffing a dinner roll. Dude, you're in a hospital. I doubt there are many hospitals in this country with actual gourmet offerings. Get over yourself. Bailey finally admits to the rest of them that while she never thought she'd say it, they have to convince their own residents to stay on in Seattle; she adds that she didn't put up with all of their years of bullshit to then have to grovel for some other snot-nosed kids. Owen warns her that April already has four job offers elsewhere. Mark is sure Mere won't leave, at least without Cristina, but Owen just tells them that Cristina has a number of options. Bailey reports that her contact in Boston said that Mere told her that was her first choice. Well come on, we know that's not exactly true. Mark doesn't want Derek to go, and reminds him that he's building a house, but Derek merrily tells him that Harvard has a great neuro department and Boston has plenty of houses.

Meredith's voice is extremely deep as she tries to give an answer but finally, she just gives in. She quickly tells the examiners that she is sorry and then pulls back her hair and barfs into a garbage can she found nearby. As she does, the examiners look thoroughly revolted.

Cristina, meanwhile, sounds almost bored as she tells Feeny how she would perform a procedure. He keeps asking her questions, trying to trip her up, and her attitude starts to rear its ugly head once more as he tells her he thinks she should do it a different way. She informs him that she's done this procedure a dozen times but he evenly replies that he's done it at least 1,000 times. She gets all passive aggressive in response and agrees to do it his way but with the tone of her voice saying she thinks this is totally wrong.

Mere continues to retch and I fear that her examiner might have to do the same himself in a moment -- I can't say I blame him, either, since she worked up some pretty believable puke sounds and those are my personal undoing. The woman examiner hands her a tissue and tries to convince Meredith to go home and take the test in a year, promising that it won't be marked as a failure on her record. Meredith, though, seems to have just barfed away her insecurities, and she sits back up and answers the test question. She reminds them that they are doctors and should therefore be able to handle a little bit of puke. The woman looks actually fairly impressed at her guts (no pun intended) and Mere goes on to say that her mom nearly invented the procedure they just asked her about which means she's known how to do it since she was a girl. She orders them to keep the questions coming and not take it easy on her. The woman examiner agrees and starts to ask another question, but Mere leans over and vomits again. Even though the examiners still seem to wish she'd call it for now, she tells them to continue. She's feeling her oats now, even if she might end up throwing them up too.

Mr. Feeny is still giving Cristina an absolutely terrible time and needles her about her confidence. He manages to push her every button and she gets increasingly combative, especially when he calls her out on her hostile attitude. He keeps trying to trip her up about her answer while she keeps getting angrier and angrier. Finally, she explodes and tells him that the method he likes is totally ancient news and that the answer she gave is the one that is actually correct for now but he just points out that this means she lied earlier when she finally agreed she'd use his method. This is the last straw for her and she tells him that she can do this with techniques from any era so he should pick a decade and they can just go with that. He regards her for a long moment and then tells her icily that it's been a pleasure being witness to such greatness, and now he can retire knowing there's genius like this at work in the field of surgery. All of Cristina's bravado is gone in an instant when she realizes he's really leaving with 20 minutes left in the session. He just tells her there's no need, pats her shoulder as he leaves and patronizingly wishes her good luck.

Alex is having his own difficult time holding up under the pressure and the constant second-guessing from the examiners. He finally says what procedure he'd use in a certain situation but he's wrong, and he realizes that it was a trick question. The other examiner reminds him that he had all of the facts to answer it correctly, and he just snaps. He hollers at them that he can't believe he's going to fail because of a trick question and only gets angrier when they tell him the test is designed that way. They remind him that he did, in fact, miss the first third of the test and he just yells again that he missed it for the best possible reason. Sorry, Alex, but it's true -- it's no excuse when every single one of the examiners and test-takers are all doctors and they all managed to show up. Meredith is vomiting in between answers, for goodness' sake. And then he proves that his reasons for staying were personal when he slips up and asks if he's supposed to help this baby for months and then just walk away from the mother at the end. He then adds snidely that all he missed in that first session was more hypothetical trick questions. He yells and yells and comes completely unglued when the guy mispronounces his name as closes his notebook and thereby ends the test. After all that, Alex asks them desperately if they can tell him if he passed, but they both stare at him, unmoved. He bursts out the door and then angrily throws his bag down the hall before kneeling down with his head in his hands.

Downstairs, Catherine and Richard are both heading home. Catherine tells him that she doesn't regret what they did and he agrees he feels the same, with that too-casual tone of someone who isn't entirely at ease. I think, though, that's because she's leaving and not because he regrets it happening because the thing he does is tell her it's bad timing, they live in different cities, it would be too complicated... making excuses in that way that invites someone to try and counter them. But she doesn't, and they just say goodbye. As she is about to leave, though, he asks her if she's going to a conference at which he is speaking. Her eyes light up as she tells him she's speaking there too, and she asks where he is staying. It turns out he's in a different place than she is and she immediately tells him to change his reservation because her place has a better breakfast biscuit. And then, a beautiful friendship with benefits was born.

In Seattle, Charlie is out of surgery and examining his once-again round skull. His wife is absolutely thrilled until he asks the doctors how soon he can get back on a ladder. Libby begs Derek to talk some sense into him but Derek just smiles and says it's not his place, but she should say something if she wants to. She tells Charlie gently that she knows how much he loves working on the house, but he's clumsy and she can't stand to think of almost losing him again. This is so blatant it doesn't even deserve to be thought of as a metaphor for poor Lexie. Charlie is touched to hear how worried Libby was and it makes him realize he needs to not be climbing up to do DIY on the roof anymore. As they banter, Lexie gives things a good long think.

She finds Mark outside and ready to go, texting on his Blackberry. When he looks up from his phone he sees that she looks funny and asks if everything is okay. Lexie blurts out, "I love you!" and then her mouth drops open, appalled at herself. She stutters as she tries to explain herself and just winds up telling him again that she loves him with a manic giggle. She then begins to babble about how she kept trying to push her feelings down, and how Jackson is a great guy with a number of things that make him sound great on paper: hot, no grandkids, no baby with his lesbian BFFs, etc. But, she loves Mark too much for that ever to have worked out; she starts to cry as she tells him that she can think of nothing else but him, and can't even eat or sleep because she's so in love with him. Mark can do nothing but literally stare at her in shock, with his mouth hanging open. I suspect her timing is rather horrible based on his mysterious epiphany in the OR earlier. She finally pulls herself together and heaves a sigh of relief that it's finally off her chest, but he is now looking worried. She says his name, but just then Julia walks up, says hi to Lexie and asks Mark if he's ready to go. Lexie could not be more horrified at herself.

Arizona goes to visit Nick who is groggy but happy on the good painkillers. Once she determines that he's fine, she reads him the riot act for not calling her to help treat his cancer and going off to some quack (her word) in Tibet instead. He tries to argue that naturopathy is a viable option but given the state of his health I'd say it's not a very strong argument at just this moment. He keeps trying to make jokes but she in no mood for that and yells at him that he's dying. I'm not sure if he knew this yet or not but either way, his face falls. She's extra angry with him because he knew how horrible it was for them when Tim died so this just seems irresponsible when he could have gotten help earlier and avoided this fate. He asks, "Why do you think I didn't come sooner?" and then asks if she really thinks he doesn't know what this must be like for her. Huh? Dude, if you'd come sooner you wouldn't be DYING. And that is basically what she tells him: that she couldn't help Tim but she could have helped him, and he's an idiot. He gapes at her, at a loss for words. But seriously, had he not connected those dots until now? Well, he's a wonderful human being who helps orphans -- he's just not so good with actual logic and deduction, it seems. We all have our strengths. Arizona runs from the room and Callie happens to catch this from the doorway and looks worried.

By Lauren S

The residents arrive back in Seattle and as soon as they get off the bus they all start checking their Blackberries to try and get their results, which were supposed to go up at midnight. It's now 12:04, and those four minutes have probably taken four years of each of their lives. April runs off the bus and rushes to find a bathroom while the rest of them gripe about how they are sure they failed. Mere seems to have finally gotten the last of the puke out of her system, which is probably for the best as she waits for what could be legitimately life-changing test results. Finally, Jackson seems to get something and after a moment, he grins and tells them with relief that he passed. Cristina is and she passed; so did Mere, who shrieks and laughs with glee. Alex can't get his results to come up so Avery hands over his phone and after a tense moment, unbelievably, Alex finds out he passed too. The four of them are the picture of pure joy, hugging, laughing, and dancing jigs. But we know what this means for April, and at that moment, Jackson asks if anyone has seen her. They all turn to the door and see her walk out, staring at the screen on her phone, utterly horrified.

Lauren S is a writer and gal-about-town who lives and works in Atlanta, and has made a point never to antagonize the person who is grading her tests. She wants everyone to know: "The views expressed in my recaps and anything else I might write on TWoP are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer."