Richard decides to give the attendings a challenge -- he's got a million-dollar grant, and they each have to make a pitch for why they should get the money for their own department. But when each of them makes their pitch, almost everyone winds up bringing some personal baggage into it. Derek wants to cure Alzheimer's, because every time Mere does something absentminded, he's afraid she's getting it herself. Callie wants it to start using bovine ligaments in surgeries, but also wants it because she feels like Arizona is better at everything than she is, from being a doctor to being a lesbian, and she wants to "win" something between the two of them. She even spends the whole day trying to psych Arizona out so that she'll cry in front of the Chief and then not get the money. Arizona doesn't cry, and gives a very well thought-out presentation about why it should go to pediatrics, but then gets fired up because everyone expected her to cry and winds up just wanting to punch someone in the face. Mark wants to bring in more cosmetic surgeries for more revenue and then create a state-of-the-art burn unit, but even more so wants something on which he can focus his attentions and spare time since he's not having sex with anyone right now. Teddy wants to do something with regenerating heart tissue, but really, she just doesn't want neuro to get the money, because she still harbors a grudge about Derek wanting to fire her a while back.
The only two docs that don't make it entirely about themselves are Owen, who wants to provide trauma training for the staff so that if something horrible like the shooting happens again they might be able to save more lives, and Bailey, who points out that they could repair some broken machines they already have and could hire a night nurse. Richard's pretty disappointed in that but she points out that she's practical rather than fanciful and also, he doesn't really have the money, so what is going on? He alludes to something happening in the few weeks, though he doesn't say what, and then he announces Owen as the winner. You've never seen such insincere smiles on the other doctors' faces, which is saying a lot, given this crowd.
Since they are all busy with their pitches, Richard "promotes" the 4th year residents up to attendings for the day, navy blue scrubs and all. Lexie's disappointed to realize she's not part of this, since she's a third year, but then realizes this makes her Chief Resident for a day so she perks back up, even if it means she's run into the ground trying to help out everyone. Meredith and Jackson are in neuro for the day, and compete to see who gets to perform a procedure on Derek's patient. Jackson lures Meredith into thinking he's a basket case and then kicks her ass in the competition, so he wins the reward of taking point on the surgery. But once in the OR, he makes a mistake and Derek has to take over, though fortunately he's able to patch everything up. Even though Derek tells him later that it's okay, that people make mistakes and that this was totally normal, it clearly doesn't help Jackson's state of mind after last week's beatdown by Teddy for trying to use his looks to get ahead. Lexie, meanwhile, has a patient who suddenly has neurological symptoms, and Derek sends Meredith to help her out; since he's busy helping Jackson, Meredith has to go ahead and perform the other surgery with Lexie assisting. When Derek finally makes it in to their OR, he finds Meredith totally kicking ass, as she does the job perfectly.
Alex is in charge of a patient of both Arizona and Mark's -- a 13-year-old boy who has some condition which has given him breasts. His mother is totally nervous and winds up backing out of the surgery at the last minute, which ticks Mark right off since they'd been involved in this case for a while. But just as they are about to leave, Alex makes a case for the surgery and the mom winds up agreeing, and Alex proceeds to do an awesome job of it.
The last two temporary attendings are April and Cristina, who are working together on an old man whose lungs are failing. Cristina is still just shuffling around, saying she doesn't know the answers to questions, so April has to make almost all of the decisions herself and decides to gather a transplant panel to see if they can get him on the list. Teddy finally tells Cristina that she's in danger of getting fired if she can't pull it together soon -- she's not asking her to do any surgery, but she needs to at least start having opinions and making decisions. Even this doesn't really spur Cristina into any action, but she shuffles along and at least takes care of all of the guy's labs, while he teases her for her sourpuss face and attitude. When the two of them have a moment alone, right before the panel, he makes an impassioned plea to Cristina for the lungs, showing her just how much he wants to live. Once in the panel April flounders a bit and finally has to admit he's not a good candidate, but something stirs in Cristina and she actually speaks up (not a lot, and she speaks mainly to the floor, but she speaks nonetheless) and gives her own opinion of why he deserves the lungs after all. Teddy is both proud and relieved to see that Cristina might have some life left in her after all and it turns out she even convinces the transplant board, as they vote to put the guy on the list. So while it's still baby steps, Cristina still looks like she might make it back, if ever so slowly.
First off, I want to thank reader Karen who emailed me to point out that last week, Mere didn't tell Lexie she's great, she told her she's a GREY. That makes so much more sense given that they were talking about Lexie's being crazy or not, and explains Meredith's little knowing smirk as she says it. Ah, I love it when I hear something wrong the first time and then continue to hear it wrong on every subsequent viewing. Okay, now on to this week!
The docs are all in the locker room getting ready for another day of work as Meredith VOs: "The train doctors slowly. They watch us practice on frogs, and pigs, and dead people, and then live people. They grill us relentlessly. They raise us like children." As the residents get changed, the attendings convene for a meeting in the conference room. "And eventually they take a cold, hard boot and they kick us out of the nest." Richard flatters all of the attendings for a bit and then tells them why he gathered them there: he has a million dollar surplus and he's going to reward it to one department. Seriously? After all of his fretting about money last week he just found a cool million lying around? I call shenanigans, and Bailey seems too as well by the confused look on her face. He then promises the attendings that he'll keep the residents very busy to give them time to prepare their pitches about why their department should get the mystery money.
All of this has overlapped with him giving a speech to the residents. The way he is going to keep them busy is by "promoting" them for the day to attendings, and they all geek out as navy scrubs are handed out to everyone. He does remind them that the attendings will all be there if they get in too deep but otherwise, they are on their own and in charge today. Lexie asks the Chief why she didn't get any scrubs and he tells her that it's only for fourth-year residents. As she is apparently the only third year resident left in the entire hospital, she makes herself feel better by declaring herself Chief Resident for the day, even though Alex tries to laugh that she's actually his "scut monkey." Rather inexplicably, Cristina has been given navy scrubs -- knowing what she's going through, wouldn't you not put that pressure on her? But they do, and she just stares at them blankly for a long time until Meredith sees her and reminds her gently that the attendings will all still be there and that they are basically just playing glorified dress-up. Cristina says she knows but she has almost no voice and this is clearly another thing that is going to weigh on her today.
Richard, Teddy, Bailey and Callie watch as a giddy April takes a chart, and when Jackson comes up and gives a little fashion show of his own scrubs, a very skeptical Teddy asks Richard if he thinks this is a good idea. Richard speechifies a tad about the passing of the torch but after Alex and Jackson are handed charts Richard seems to realize what he's done and warns them to pray. "We'll want God in the building today." Callie then asks him in what order they'll be pitching, but Richard tells them to figure it out themselves, adding that he loves a good dog fight. As he walks off Callie comments how intimidating he can be and when Teddy seems skeptical, she tells of his freaking out over a typo in her table of contents when she made a pitch the year before. Teddy doesn't think about the fact that at that time Callie would have been preparing this for a long time rather than in one day, and runs off to get to work. Callie giggles at her handiwork as Bailey shoots her a nasty look but Bailey acts all innocent and just comments that she loves a good dog fight, too.
Mark must have pulled the chart out of Alex's hands and Alex is miffed that he won't give it back. Instead, Mark quizzes him on why someone would want a breast reduction. Alex's reasons (neck pain, back pain,etc.) aren't good enough and Mark tells him to keep going, so Alex shows off his marvelous sensitivity by suggesting maybe she's a prude who doesn't like people staring at them. He adds that maybe she gets embarrassed, and Mark tells him he's not right but he's getting warmer and finally hands the chart over. Alex doesn't read it but just goes in and meets a woman who seems to have a decently-sized chest, and comments that he can work with this. But he didn't notice Arizona sitting there, and she comments that she isn't the patient. The woman, Mindy, then knocks on the door of the bathroom and tells someone to come out, and out walks her teenage son, Seth, who is sporting at least b-cups.
Jackson and Mere have a patient, Ellie, who has been experiencing ringing in her ears and headaches, which Mere explains is caused by a fluid buildup, so they are going to put in a shunt. Ellie's partner, Joanne, notices that she uses "we" and freaks out, wanting Derek to do the procedure. She's not swayed by Derek's assuring her that they are both very talented and that he will be monitoring things the whole time. She refuses to let a "trainee" cut into her partner's brain, but Ellie agrees with Derek that at some point they have to do something themselves, and tries to tell a very skeptical and frightened Joanne that they have to learn on someone, and it might as well be her. She even plays on Joanne's being a teacher, imploring her to let the kids learn. Derek assures the women that the residents won't make a move without his approval and so Joanne finally turns to them, unhappy but resigned, and reminds them that Ellie has been her life for 40 years, implying they'd better not screw this up or she will kill them with her own two hands. She is very clearly the teacher who the students do not fuck with.
Out in the hall they are anxious to find out who actually gets to do the procedure and Derek tells them he's going to have them compete in the skills lab so he can decide. Jackson figures he's already screwed since he's competing against the wife, but Mere tells him it's just a game. She can't help talking a little trash, that all he has to do is win... but he won't.
Neither Mark nor Arizona are thrilled that Alex is the one to handle their patient -- Arizona is already uncomfortable about doing plastic surgery on a child, but when Mark points out she'd support it if this was something growing on the kid's face, she gripes that she still wouldn't want Alex doing it, and Mark readily agrees. Callie walks up and when they share their worries she brushes off that Alex is going to do an awesome job, and then changes the subject to the pitches, figuring they want to focus their worries on Alex rather than their presentations. Arizona laughs at her, sure that as always the tiny humans are going to get the money, since no one ever says no to kids. Callie acts surprised and then asks if she thinks Arizona will cry. It's meant to be funny but also kind of a low blow, and Arizona is totally annoyed. After she leaves Mark calls her on her psych games but Callie defends that ortho needs the money more, which gives Mark his chance to bluster that plastics is going to get it over both of them. Callie laughs at him and points out that he never prepares for anything, figuring his looks, charm and wit will get him what he wants -- he agrees, because it has always worked for him thus far. She's skeptical, and as he walks away, she snickers after him.
Cristina and April are working together on Teddy's patient, Roy, who sums up his problem nicely: "I can't breathe for crap." April tells him they will run tests but Roy is sure that he just needs new lungs, as he was warned in the past that this would happen one day. Teddy calls on Cristina to see if she has anything to add, but she eventually just parrots that they will run some tests. April asks him about any family and he says he has a daughter nearby, but doesn't want to trouble her, and that he's tough and can do it alone. April puts on her most Serious Doctor face and tells him that this is serious, so it's probably the time to trouble her.
In the hall April turns back into her usual manic motormouth self and asks if he's a transplant candidate, but Teddy tells her it's her call today. April muses that there's no other choice, so Teddy asks Cristina if she agrees. It's basically a yes or no question but Cristina just mumbles that she doesn't know, and when Teddy asks if she thinks they should convene a panel, Cristina mumbles that she couldn't say. April gets as exasperated as she can, since she's usually the bubbliest human on the planet, and frets that they are running out of time so she wants to convene a panel today. Teddy agrees, and April bounces off to get some interns to order tests. Cristina tries to slink off too, but Teddy calls after her, pretty ticked off that Cristina couldn't even say if she agreed with something or not. Cristina claims that she's trying but Teddy is fed up and totally exasperated, and reminds her that they aren't asking her to cut but that she does need to have an opinion and participate, at least. She warns Cristina that they are at a crossroads, and she has to pull herself together or Teddy might recommend to Richard that it's time to let her go. The Very Serious music playing illustrates that this isn't an empty threat. Bum bum buuuuuum.
She then goes to make her presentation to the Chief, and while she didn't have time to create a table of contents she did at least make herself notecards. She makes a real pitch, telling Richard to imagine a hospital that made heart surgery obsolete. She wants to work on regenerating human hearts, but Richard isn't as impressed as she had hoped and points out that stem cell research is on the cutting edge of all types of medicine, so why should he focus on cardio? She tells him firmly that the cardio and neuro departments are the tentpoles of the hospital, but then runs out of steam and pushes her notecards aside. Instead of an argument for her own department, she starts pleading with him to not give the money to neurology, which she claims is just one strong surgeon, not an entire department. She concedes that he is a great surgeon but tries to cast doubt on his teaching and thinks he's not actually trying to cultivate any new talent. Indignantly, she asks if he practices tough love when it's needed -- obviously the difficulty she's having trying to work with Cristina is coming out here. But what it boils down to, though she tries to claim otherwise, is that she's still holding a grudge from the time Derek tried to fire her
. If she's looking to hold a grudge in that situation it really should be against Owen since he's the one who actively tried to have Teddy removed, but I guess it's harder to hold that against someone you were in love with so long? Yeah, I don't know either. Richard just stares at her so she has to admit to maybe holding the teensiest of grudges, and finally she admits that she probably should have just stuck to her notes.Jackson and Mere are practicing for their Skillz Showdown by drilling into eggs in the skills lab, and as Mere works and Jackson swears and throws out a whole lot of eggs he messes up, Cristina recounts what happened and admits that it sounds like Teddy was saying she could be fired. She's still in that weird emotionless state that she's been in all season but Meredith is worried, and asks if hearing that worked to scare her. Unfortunately, Cristina doesn't think it did. As Jackson keeps swearing, Mere gloats that he's losing it. Cristina comes back to the much more serious subject at hand and points out that she shouldn't be in charge of anyone, but Meredith assures her to just keep taking it one step and one day at a time. Lexie comes in, which breaks Jackson's concentration yet again and causes him to unravel a little bit more. She's there to report that she's done something for Meredith but really it's just so we can see how crazy busy she is, but also how excited she is about it. Honestly, with the list of things she has to do, is she supposed to be the only 3rd year left now? We've finally managed to lose the million other interns that came in with her? And how come she then never got her own interns to boss around? Oh, show, you are not always terribly consistent. Lexie breathlessly brags that she was made for this kind of day and runs out to see some more patients.
Alex is drawing lines on Seth's chest to note where he's going to cut, and after watching for a bit Mindy snaps and declares that Seth isn't having the surgery after all. Seth argues that she said that after his bar mitzvah he would be a man and could make the decision about the surgery, but she admits that she thought he would then make the "right" decision. But seriously, what 13-year-old in this situation would ever NOT decide to have this surgery? Mindy obviously doesn't remember anything of the special type of hell that is junior high and high school, especially if you are at all different. She rails that people can't cut off the parts they don't like about themselves, but when Seth tries to argue she won't listen and just cuts him off to remind him that his dad has the same condition and no one thinks he is a woman. That said, I feel like the dad would actually probably be standing up for Seth if he was there, as presumably he has already gone through everything that Seth is dealing with, but without the added sadistic factor of social networking to make any teasing that much worse. But we never actually meet Dad in this episode, so Mindy and Seth have to duke it out alone. She leaves to go call InvisiDad and Seth tells Alex about all of the teasing he endures, including finding bras hanging in his locker, and says desperately that he wants to start over year in high school, looking normal like everyone else. Alex gives him a mute nod, and he seems to care, but doesn't actually say anything.
Though April said she'd have interns run Roy's tests, she and Cristina are there doing them themselves, and it only adds to my confusion about where all of the younger residents have gone. Roy wants to know why they need a panel since they know he needs lungs, and April delicately says that some people aren't good candidates for transplant. But as she goes down the list -- someone might not reliably take their meds, or might have a disease in another organ -- he has an answer for everything. He looks over at Cristina, silently working away, and says he wants to know what she thinks: "The one with the sour puss on her face." Cristina is miffed and informs him that it's not sour, it's just her face, and April rather hilariously agrees without batting an eye that it is just her face. Cristina won't give him any sort of concrete answer when he asks if she thinks he'll pass, and he finally laughs and tells her to cheer up already, since she's young and has her health. He then goes on about how great they both are doing and of course says their fathers must be really proud -- April happily tells him that yes, as she came from a farm her dad is extra proud, but Cristina clams back up completely at the mention of dads and just glares at Roy instead of saying anything. Roy isn't scared of her though and just comments that now she really does have a sour puss.
Mark and Arizona are none too thrilled to hear that Mindy is pulling the plug on the surgery, and Mark can't help but point out that he spent two hours consulting with them about the surgery but it only took ten minutes for Alex to undo it all. Arizona reminds him that 80% of pediatric surgery is managing the parents, and Alex isn't taking all of the admonishing terribly well. He claims he's handling it though he has yet to actually be able to back up that statement.
Lexie runs into a room to check on one of Callie's patients, a woman named Megan who had knee surgery. Her boyfriend is lolling on her bed and when Megan fails to respond to Lexie's greeting he tries to get her attention too, but she just texts away and when she does finally speak, it's to snottily point out that she can hear Lexie. She then turns and informs the doctor that her hurried, messy-hair look and demeanor isn't inspiring confidence, and claims she doesn't even know her case. She has no idea who she's dealing with, though, and Lexie expertly rattles off everything about her, including the fact that she's deduced that this injury probably happened while riding her boyfriend's motorcycle without a license rather than just her bike as she claimed. She lists all of the meds that Megan is taking, including blood thinners, and then sweetly finishes up that if she'll just talk to Lexie, Lex can adjust her pain meds and both can get on with their days. Megan is so stunned she's finally stopped texting, and when her boyfriend admiringly tells Lexie she's good, Megan has to agree. Lexie beams and assures them that she's busy but she can handle it, looking happier and more in her element than she's ever seemed since the shooting. Maybe she can give Cristina some pointers?
Owen's in for his pitch, and what he wants is to give trauma and disaster training to the entire staff, not just his department. He claims that three of the people who died in the shooting, Charles Percy included, could have been saved if the docs had had the right training. This isn't any sort of a knock to Bailey -- he recounts everything she did, which was all correct and everything she knew how to do, but he claims that if she'd had disaster training she could have assessed the situation more quickly and known an alternative escape route. I have no idea if he means physically, as he mentioned the elevators being shut down, or surgically, that she might have known other things to try but either way, it's a compelling argument and Richard is both disturbed and very interested. Owen finishes by rightly pointing out that Bailey will remember Charles dying in her arms for the rest of her life, as will Owen and Richard, and that Richard will also know that he could have been saved. He claims they failed both Bailey and Charles, and Owen says he can't face that ever again. "Can you?" And BOOM, we go to commercial, which seems the only way to punctuate the end of the scene for maximum disturbance, so we have a few extra minutes ourselves to remember how horrible all that was.
Mark gets the turn in front of the Chief, and he wants to expand their burn unit, and then he also wants to upgrade their cosmetic surgery department, so that both become renowned surgical destinations. Richard's pretty taken aback that Mark has proposed two different things with the money, and he wants to know how would accomplish all that with just a million bucks. To his credit, Mark points out an actually very good system -- that money from the cosmetic center would go towards supporting the burn unit. He sits down, very proud of himself as Richard compliments the idea, but he also points out that it's a lot of work. The patented Kooky Music starts in, so we know that Mark's about to get FUNNY! Because why let a joke stand on its own when you can preface it to insure people react how you want it to? Mark admits conspiratorially to the Chief that he's not seeing/sleeping with anyone right now, so he's an "untapped source of raw power." He's very serious as he toots his own horn about how with the money and his sexual frustration powering his energy, they can mountains. He then breaks in to a grin to ask if Richard is as excited as he is, but Richard has just realized that he's been presented with a libido-fueled work plan and isn't actually excited. After a moment of dumbfounded staring, he tells Mark to leave as he drops his head into his hands. It's not Mark's fault that he went right after Owen's legitimately stirring presentation, but it is his fault that he presented an idea based solely on untapped sexual energy.
Alex has finally found his words and is trying to convince Mindy that while the surgery for Seth does have a few risks, it will make him feel better about himself. But she announces that she'll only believe it's a good idea if she hears it from Mark and Arizona. Alex did do an impressive job of letting her fears run wild, since this has obviously been in the works for a while and they already convinced her it was a good idea once. She's totally over Alex at this point, and refuses to let him say anything more.
April runs after Cristina in the hall and babbles Roy's not-so-great test results which include fungal pneumonia and kidneys that could potentially start to fail. It's freaked her out and she continues to squeak out her worries, asking if the immunosuppressants after surgery might kill him. Cristina finally just says, "Maybe," which puts April at a complete loss, not sure now if recommending him for the surgery was a good idea or a potential waste of spare lungs. When Cristina yet again claims to not know her opinion April tells her she has to, as "we" called a panel. Unfortunately, April, that was all you since Cristina's behavior now is just more of the same. As April keeps talking at Cristina, faster and faster, we see things from our damaged resident's perspective, where some white noise gets louder and louder and (rather mercifully) nearly drowns out April's panic. Cristina finally blinks and gets a hold of herself but just shoves the results back at April, who, frustrated, announces that the only really important opinion is Teddy's so she'll figure out what Teddy thinks and just say that when the time comes. Way to take ownership, April. Isn't that just another version of what Teddy was chastising Cristina about earlier -- not having her own opinion? But Cristina just quietly agrees and April finally asks her, at a complete loss, if she cares at all, and finally tells her she has to care, desperate and baffled at Cristina's behavior. But Cristina's a complete basket case, and just quietly agrees and walks away.
It seems the cafeteria is again a legitimate lunch possibility -- the staring must have died down -- and Callie, Arizona, Mark and Teddy are all eating lunch and laughing like this is the funniest meal in the history of lunches. Mark admits that Callie psyched him out, so they must be laughing at this Powered By Chastity presentation earlier. Alex walks by with his face inexplicably in a book and Mark asks him about what happened with Seth and mocks him for his ineptitude; Alex claims Mindy is thinking about it but even Mark seems to know that's not true, and Alex gripes that he can't force the woman to listen to him. Way to just give up and make no effort there, dude. He walks off, confused by the mania at the table, and the talk goes back to the presentations -- Arizona is up but as she goes to leave Callie hands her a packet of tissues, "Just in case." This is seriously so obnoxious, and Arizona seems a little tired of it but heads off with them in hand, and Mark informs Callie that she has a sickness. When is Callie going to get something to do again? Or if not something to do, something that's actually funny and not just selfish, trite, annoying, or a combination of those three?
It's time for the Skillz Showdown, and Derek tells them they have to write their initials in the eggshells without breaking the membrane of the egg, adding that if neither of them breaks it he'll judge them on precision, so make sure the initials are clear. He starts the timer and they work away for 30 seconds; when the time is up Mere proudly shows off her initials which look like "MC" since the G isn't quiiiite finished. Derek then heads over to Jackson, who sighs that he wishes he had more time... so that Derek is all the more amazed when he sees that Jackson actually was able to write "JAVERY" onto the egg. Meredith is pissed beyond belief that he played her and stupidly admits that she was lulled into feeling like she didn't have to practice. Derek chastises her deservedly for her overconfidence, and then he rewards the surgery to an elated Jackson while Meredith sulks.
Fortunately, Arizona makes her pitch without crying and actually seeming very professional with her notes and demeanor as she pitches a few different ways that the money can go to help the children. Richard is impressed and she immediately jumps on him, saying he seems surprised. When she asks he finally admits, a bit sheepishly, that he thought she might cry, so she pulls out the packet of Kleenex and gripes about Callie doing the same thing. She tries to stay calm as she suggests that they all forget that she has cried in the past, since it is something that both rarely happens and that she has under control. For one second I thought she'd punctuate that with some tears but she instead channels all of her energy into getting totally pissed off. She rants about the others thinking she would do that and claims to want to punch something, which is going a little bit far but would still be fine if she didn't then go on and on about how her Marine father taught her how to hit. She finally flicks the tissues down the table where they come to rest at his hand and she realizes that she just lost total control a la Teddy. Feebly, she pulls back and suggests they just come back to the subject of the darling children, but he obviously by now thinks she's a total nut -- the look on his face seems to say that he's wondering just how crazy his staff really is. To which I say, you hired them all, this has never been a secret, buddy.
Owen sees his bride working at a computer terminal and moseys over to flirt with her, but her mood is to dark to be charmed by him and she heaves a breath and, totally defeated, tells him, "My patient deserves a doctor." Weirdly, it's kind of refreshing to at least know that somewhere in there she at least cares about the patients, since she's been such a zombie I wasn't sure any emotion or any tiny bit of caring was inside of her at all right now. Owen echoes what all of the other doctors have said, that she doesn't have to cut, but she cuts him off and says she knows what is being asked of her and she's doing it. Well, today not so much, actually, since she can't even answer a question. He thinks a moment and then tells her he has an idea: they are going to go out to the alley and he's going to let her beat the shit out of him. She finally laughs instead of cries and Owen, relieved, says, "There you are. I knew you were in there somewhere." Her smile fades some but she's still amused, and when he reminds her that no matter what, they are going home together, she kisses him on the cheek.
From the hallway, Alex watches Seth pack his bags -- he's the absolute picture of dejection as he stuffs things into his backpack, and it's what Alex needs to finally sack up and say something. He walks over to Mindy, who is going over all of the discharge papers with Arizona as Mark looks on, and with hands on his hips launches into quite a lecture. He reminds Mindy that this isn't something Seth will grow out of, and how if this was something that could be treated another way he'd recommend that, but in this case the kid needs surgery. Mindy rolls her eyes, bent out of shape, but she does listen and Mark gives an almost imperceptible nod of admiration as Alex continues. Arizona also smiles at Alex, where Mindy can't see her, as Alex reminds her that her son will be in high school year and there's no reason he has to stay like this and be subjected to all of the bullying he'll surely face. Mindy finally looks down at the ground and Arizona puts her straight face back on and turns to ask innocently if Mindy has any more questions.
Lexie runs in to see Megan since she just got paged, and her boyfriend is sure something is wrong; Megan explains that her vision is blurry and her left side is tingling. She's terrified and Lexie tells them calmly that she doesn't know what's wrong but that she'll get a CT and page neurology for a consult so that they can figure it out. She can't help but get in a little dig that Megan is going to get to see another doctor today after all.
Meanwhile, though, Derek is getting ready to coach Jackson through his first solo surgery and he warns that he's not going to be able to hustle him the way he did Meredith. Jackson says he's ready and takes the drill, and as he starts a nurse calls out to Derek that Lexie has been paging repeatedly. Derek distractedly sends Mere to see what's up since he's busy, but her panties are still in a big old wad from earlier and she asks if he's sure, because she wouldn't want to appear overconfident. Fortunately, Derek just ignores her and focuses on the surgery, so Mere finally leaves.
Cristina is back at her post by Roy's room, with her chin in her hand as is her usual stance of late. April runs up and tries another tack to get Cristina's help -- she reminds her that cardio isn't her specialty and that she's worried she's going to go humiliate herself (and Teddy, Cristina, and the Chief) in front of the board. She's totally freaking out and it looks like Cristina is again going to just brush it off, but finally she points out to April that Roy was admitted two days earlier, and that Teddy could have convened a panel already but didn't. Slowly, April realizes that Teddy doesn't think he's a good candidate for the lungs, which is exactly what Cristina was getting at. April starts scribbling away in her notebook that she'll just go in and say that he's not a good candidate, and then everything will be fine. Cristina points out that yes, "Everyone will be fine except for Roy who will be dead." I shouldn't have laughed -- I think that just shows that I am apparently heartless -- but her deadpan delivery totally got me. April's not to happy that Cristina killed the good mood but again, at least she's going to live, unlike poor Roy.
By the time Mere reaches Megan's room, the girl is unconscious and Lexie's kinda freaking out, especially that she got Mere instead of Derek for the consult. Meredith immediately sends the boyfriend to the waiting room and then Lexie gives her the rundown of what she know happened. Mere looks at the scans that Lexie got and asks immediately if she was on blood thinners, which we know from earlier to be true -- Megan has a pesky brain bleed. Are they really that common in life or are there just extra brain bleeds to highlight Derek's surgical prowess? She tells a nurse to book an OR while Lexie frets about how she could miss this but Meredith asks her if she checked the platelets (yes, they were normal) and then says after that she got a CT and paged neuro, which were all the right things to do. In fact, now the only wrong thing is that she's standing there wasting time instead of going to the OR. Lexie pauses and admiringly points out that Mere totally sounds like an attending, and Mere is pretty stoked herself as she agrees, then slips back into professional mode to have Derek paged.
But Derek's got his hands full because as Jackson works, all of a sudden Ellie's brain starts bleeding. Jackson wigs out a bit as Derek immediately takes over, demanding to know what he did, but Jackson just stares with wide, worried (gorgeously blue) eyes.
Finally we get Callie's presentation, but what she sees as assertiveness just comes off as overconfidence since we've seen her pull all of her crap all day. She claims the future of ortho is somethingIcan'tspell. Richard looks troubled about something and Callie guesses that he thinks she's nuts, that he doesn't want a cow ligament in his leg, "That sounds wacky!" She deepens her voice but manages to sound like a totally out-of-touch geek and Richard unfortunately realizes that's supposed to be him. She tries to back out of it, but she's finally been shaken up and seems worried. Richard admits that he wanted something more inspirational, like Arizona's presentation. Callie just starts nodding and saying rather cattily, "Ooooh, yeah." Richard is confused so Callie starts moaning about how Arizona is nicer, more patient, more renowned in her field, and even a better lesbian than Callie is, this last part being because Callie's got that pesky romantic history with men. It turns out Callie's got an inferiority complex that's so large it's a wonder she could fit it in the room with the two of them. As she drones on Richard seems to be wondering why on earth she is still talking and hasn't mercifully cut herself off, and he finally asks if she's really saying that she should get the million dollars to level the playing field in her relationship? Callie weakly tries to also say she wants it for the somethingIcan'tspell, which she claims is the future of sports medicine, but Richard is so done and just walks away.
Cristina finds herself alone with Roy and as she checks him out, he asks her if she's one of those people who is like a genius but doesn't know how to talk to people. I thought he was asking if she was a savant but she asks him rather incredulously if he is asking if she's got autism, and he happily crows that that is the word he was thinking of. She glares at him but he just chuckles -- it's hard not to like the guy who can barely breathe but is still trying to needle her into engaging with him. He actually tells her that he likes that she's a tough nut to crack and says his daughter is the same way. Unfortunately his daughter is also estranged, and she's not actually coming as she sided with her mom after their messy divorce. April walks up in time to listen in and hear all of this and he finishes up by announcing to Cristina, "So it's just you and me, sourpuss." April walks in pretending that she hasn't been eavesdropping and tells them that it's time for the panel. After she leaves, Roy starts to cough and Cristina does what she can to make him comfortable. Before she can go he grabs her hands, looks her right in the eye, and turns very serious as he pleads for confirmation that this is going to go his way. He desperately wants to live, but Cristina doesn't have a very good answer to that as of right now, and she just tells him that she'll let him know.
Jackson is standing around totally uselessly and asks Derek if there's anything he can do but Derek just snaps at him as he keeps working to fix the damage that was done. A nurse holds up a cell phone, which seems awfully strange since I think there are still hospitals that forbid people from using them inside, but flashy surgeons get all the perks, I guess. Mere is on the phone and tells him the situation but he has his hands full, quite literally, and tells Meredith she has to handle it on her own. She's totally shocked and he just reminds her that she wanted a solo surgery that day, so here it is. Without wasting any more time gaping, she then immediately turns businesslike and dives right in to directing the nurses to get her the tools she needs.
As some music kicks in, Alex is prepping Seth's body for surgery and when Mark asks Arizona if he's a horrible person to root against him, Arizona reminds him that the patient is a child. So... yes. If that was an adult? Hack him to pieces! Who cares? But Mark calls out to Alex that he can do it, and Alex gets to work. I can't even watch this. Even though these are breasts on a man, watching any cut Alex makes I think is the equivalent of a guy seeing something horrible happen to another dude's junk, and I basically just held my boobs in my hands and whistled a happy tune as he worked. Mere is also working away with Lexie assisting, and Derek keeps going on his own surgery while a totally ashamed Jackson watches him. As they all work (and Mark impresses Arizona) we see the significant others all nervously waiting in the waiting area, and then we see poor Roy, waiting and wheezing away, looking terrified at what might happen.
Bailey has been filled in on what's up by Teddy and can't believe she's letting April run things, but Teddy just gripes that Cristina has been totally useless, no better than an intern. It's not a surprise to see that of course Cristina was waiting just on the other side of the door and happened to overhear that all.
Her best friend is having a much better day -- Lexie is totally impressed that she stopped the bleeder and when Derek walks in, Meredith just calls him off, saying she has it under control and can finish it. Derek glances at her work and beams, "Yes you do!" So much for Teddy's theory that he hasn't been cultivating any talent.
Finally out of all the surgeries, it's time for Derek to give his pitch, which is that he's going to find a cure for Alzheimer's. Richard is skeptical, especially as a million dollars wouldn't even cover startup costs for a clinical trial. But Derek puts on his fanciest know-it-all-pants and tightens his belt of self-righteousness, and announces that after that money runs out, investors will shower him with additional funds if they have a loved one who has suffered from the disease. He tells Richard about Mere's awesome surgery and says confidently that she inherited her mother's talent, but it makes him think all the more that she might also have inherited the Alzheimer's. He admits that every time she forgets her keys or something silly he gets worried that it's the disease announcing its arrival. It's interesting that these are his thoughts when he just last week was also totally adamant that he doesn't actually want to know if she's got it. He finishes up his presentation by announcing that breakthroughs don't happen because of medicine but rather because someone was afraid to stop trying. It's a really valid goal, but I can't imagine at all that the Chief is going to give him the money just relying on future investors to foot the other 90-something percent of the actual bill, no matter what his feelings for Ellis and her daughter.
As Alex fiddles with Seth's bandages post-surgery, Mindy starts to cry a bit. Seth wakes up and groggily asks if they are gone, and as he feels the bandages and the elation of not having man boobs any more, he wakes right up. Mindy only starts to sob harder, which freaks him out a bit, but Alex assures him that it's just that she was scared, but now she's happy he's okay, and he moves her over so she can stand right to her son. It ranks up there as one of the most sincere interactions he's had with a patient and loved one, especially considering he had to yell at her earlier. Seth is absolutely beside himself and he grins and tells Alex that he's the man, but Alex disagrees and tells Seth he's the man, so Seth gives him a fist bump. This show does know how to do a heartwarming moment, that's for sure.
April is giving her presentation to the panel and though she starts by saying that nothing other than new lungs will save him, she then goes into all of the bad things they uncovered. Richard sits down as she's listing all of Roy's maladies while Cristina slumps against the back wall, cringing like she's in actual, physical pain having to watch these proceedings. That said, April's delivery is pretty hard to watch because she's so nervous, and it only gets worse as Richard starts to question why she convened the panel at all if he's not a good candidate. April stutters and tries to come up with a good reason but Richard implies that none of the test results changed, so she should have realized this before wasting anyone's time. As a last-ditch effort, April grabs at the first new piece of info she can. Unfortunately that is the info about Roy and his daughter being estranged, and she spins this into his not having a support system and therefore not being trustworthy to keep up with his post-surgery needs. A mumbled, low noise comes from the back of the room and lo and behold, it's actually Cristina, who mumbles, "That's not a reason," obviously ticked that April has gone that route. Everyone turns to look at her and Teddy asks her a question so Cristina manages to answer, though she never looks up from her feet as she's doing it. She tells the board that support is just one factor, not the only factor, and that he's a borderline patient, but that he has the will to live and she's learned through past transplant surgeries that that is one of the most important things. She says with more conviction than she's had about anything since the shooting that if they give Roy the lungs, he will live. "I know it." April's mouth is hanging open as large as one of the Scream masks, but Teddy gives a half smile, obviously pleased and relieved that her protégé has finally spoken up about something, even if she did it the whole time staring at her toes.
Joanne and Ellie are having a happy post-surgery reunion while Jackson stares at them, looking like someone just ran over his puppy. While this was a legitimate mistake, I'm still not entirely buying this season's sudden "Jackson is a screwup" theme. Fortunately, Derek doesn't seem to either -- when Jackson asks what he should say to explain how he botched the surgery, Derek tells him that he says nothing other than that the surgery was a success. He explains that mistakes happen, and he yelled because that is his job, but that ultimately the surgery was a success and that's all they are going to tell the patient. Again, poor Teddy's suggestion that Derek doesn't teach is looking more and more petty and untrue by the moment. The guys walk into the room and Joanne goes and gives Jackson a big kiss and hug to thank him and to show that she was totally wrong in judging him to be a dumb trainee. Unfortunately this only makes him feel worse, and he stands there stiff as a board as she hugs him. A nicely ripped one, but a board nonetheless. It's a good thing she's too happy to notice, because it's actually kind of unprofessional that he can't pull it together for two minutes.
After April's failed presentation and Cristina's mumbling opinion, the two are sent to the hall while the board discusses things, and April is embarrassed and fuming as she reminds Cristina that they were supposed to be a team and that Cristina had told her what to say. It's clear she's mortified but she might pause and be happy that their patient now has at least a chance at not croaking on their watch. Cristina quietly says she didn't plan it, and April's anger seems to melt as she admits sadly that she's not used to failing. Cristina sounds terribly pathetic as she responds, "Neither am I." When Teddy and Richard come out April runs off, but Cristina goes up to Teddy to defend what she did even if Teddy doesn't agree. That's now two voluntary conversations within the span of an hour or so -- not bad! And for her part, Teddy is happy and tells her that in a case like this the right decision is just to make a decision, and Cristina did that by forming an opinion and arguing for it. And happily, her mumbling actually managed to sway the board, and Roy is on the list for a new set of lungs. Teddy proudly tells her, "You were a doctor today." Cristina is visibly shocked that this all actually worked out.
Bailey gets the last presentation of the day, and unlike her predecessors, she has some very unsexy, sensible ideas for the money -- to repair some broken machines in the basement, and to use whatever is remaining to hire an extra night nurse. She looks incredibly proud of herself, but Richard whines that he can't believe this is all she's got when he was looking for inspiration and competition among all the docs. Bailey doesn't take it personally and instead turns it on him, pointing out that she wants to go to Paris but that as a mom, she has to be more sensible about what to do with her time and money so instead of planning a vacation she does laundry, minds her son, and works to put food on the table. She then points out that a million dollars is basically nothing when they are talking about all of these grand medical plans and tells him they need to fix what they've already got. "Let's not go to Paris. Let's go to the grocery store, Chief." Can we take a moment not only to cheer her awesomeness in this moment, but to cheer that she seems more whole than she has all season? I love having Original Bailey back, bringing the Chief back down to earth. He sighs like he's dealing with an insolent teenager and literally throws up his hands, but she just asks him what I thought of at the beginning of the episode -- why is he wasting everyone's time like this when they both know he doesn't have a million dollars lying around? It's Richard's turn to look a bit smug, and he tells her teasingly that things might be a little different in the few weeks. She just raises her eyebrows at this idea.
When Cristina goes in to see Roy, she can't hide her smile and he absolutely loves it, happily joking that he can't call her sourpuss anymore. She tries to be stern as she draws some blood, but both doctor and patient are obviously tickled pink. Mere VOs, "We all want to grow up. We're desperate to get there, grab all the opportunities we can. To live.
"We're so busy trying to get out of that nest we don't think about the fact that it's going to be cold out there." The residents are all taking off their navy scrubs and tossing them in the laundry, and as a tiny peace offering April takes Cristina's for her as Cristina gets ready. Alex looks down and sees an exhausted Lexie sleeping on the bench as Mere continues, "Really freaking cold.
"Because growing up sometimes means leaving people behind." The attendings are all gathered around and it seems Owen won the dough as he thanks Richard, who congratulates him. None of the others are happy about it though Teddy and Arizona both try to force a smile for him, and Owen seems a little bit surprised at the frosty reception. Bailey also gives him a little smile but hers seems a bit more knowing, and I wonder if Richard actually did tell her what he's up to with this whole exercise. Among all of the unhappy docs, though, Derek seems the most miffed that he didn't dazzle Richard into handing him the money. He obviously did not expect to not be the winner here.
He's only more disturbed when later, as he and Meredith get home, she rummages around for her car keys only for him to point out that they are already in her hand. Dear me, if that's a sign of Alzheimer's I need to be careful because between that and the number of times I "lose" my sunglasses on top of my head, I'm a mess. Mere finishes up, "And by the time we stand on our own two feet, we're standing there alone." But for now she's standing there with Derek, who is obviously fretting about what could happen in the not-too-distant future.
Watch the episode below, discuss it in our forums, then see what we think are the most annoying Grey's storylines.
Want to immediately access TWoP content no matter where you are online? Download the free TWoP toolbar for your web browser. Already have a customized toolbar? Then just add our free toolbar app to get updated on our content as soon it's published.