After last week's successful surgery, Webber is feeling his oats, and when Hunt gets a patient with a presumably inoperable tumor, he asks for a chance to see if he could figure out how to operate. Hunt hands over the chart but Cristina, master game player, realizes what Webber is playing at and warns Hunt that he's trying to steal some possible glory. The two fight over the case until Derek decides they should both present their solution to him, and he will choose who gets to do the surgery. Cristina joins Webber's team to act as a spy for Hunt but Webber knows just what she is doing, and bribes her to come back to his team. Unfortunately for them, Derek winds up awarding the surgery to Hunt, but once in said surgery Hunt gets stuck and calls for Richard to help him out. Together, they manage to beat the odds and save their patient's life. Honestly, they should just stop calling them "inoperable" now with the sheer number of inoperable tumors that we have seen successfully removed on this show. It's less of a surprise now when they succeed.
Mark, meanwhile, is less consumed with work and more consumed with how much he wants to keep banging drug reps and nurses. He whines to Callie about it, who advises him to try actually going on a date with someone with whom he might eventually want to settle down. When Teddy asks him to consult on a case Callie has the bright idea that she could be the perfect woman and pushes him to go for it. Arizona, though, has told Teddy that Mark might be the perfect palate cleanser -- a bit of fun to get her mind off Hunt, no more, no less. Mark asks Teddy to dinner but she only wants a drink in anticipation of what might come , and each winds up kind of freaked out that the other isn't expecting what they assumed. He still helps her out on her case, though, and finally invites her to lunch to get to know her, and she accepts. Alex witnesses this and reports back to Lexie, who finally loses her "it's all fun and games and no feelings" cool and breaks completely down at the thought of Mark actually moving on.
Bailey also seeks Callie's advice as her date #3 with Dr. Warren is coming up, and he's going to make her dinner at his place. Callie tells her this means he thinks it is a sex date, and Bailey gets overwhelmed when Callie advises her on hair removal and condoms. She's so freaked out that when she finally is on the date, she launches into a lecture about what he might expect. Because he is hot and amazing and awesome, however, he tells her that this can be a conversation rather than a lecture. Once they actually talk, she learns that he's not expecting sex just yet, and he learns that she has only ever slept with her ex-husband and so when it does come, it will be a big step. Once that is on the table, they do some incredibly hot making out and I find myself wishing I had a sexy anesthesiologist to cook me dinner.
Callie, who has spent the day holed up in a lab doing testing when not doling out advice, is pretty proud of her Dear Abby skillz and is bragging to Arizona about it that evening. She mentions her vision of them ten years in the future, with a big house and lots of kids, but Arizona tells her that she hopes she is kidding about the kids as she absolutely doesn't want her own (though she'll take the big house). Callie figures she must be kidding since Arizona is a pediatric surgeon, but Arizona is absolutely serious and Callie realizes her relationship might not be in as perfect shape as she thought. Another relationship that might not be as perfect as everyone previously thought is (quite unfortunately) Hunt and Cristina, though Cristina doesn't know that yet. After spending the day working with Hunt on the tumor, Mere sees his reaction to Mark asking out Teddy, and calls him on being jealous about it. With a big sweet grin, she warns him that Cristina is her number one and that if he does anything to hurt her now that she's finally happy, she'll kill him. I paraphrase, but you get the idea -- if this keeps up, his balls/life/general happiness and well-being could be in danger.
Remember when this show was awesome? We do.
What better way to kick off an episode than with a shirtless Mark doing pushups? As he pushes away, Meredith VOs, "Surgeons aren't complacent people. We don't put our feet up, we don't sit still. Whatever the game is, we like to win. And once we win, we get a new game." Mark is clearly trying to be positive as he goes through making his morning coffee, but eventually his face falls (as he seems to have trouble operating a coffee maker). Callie then walks in all optimistic that today is the day she's going to invent "cartilage in a bottle," but Mark barely notices and flops dramatically to the couch while complaining that because Callie and Derek told him to stop sleeping with nurses and drug reps, that's now all he can think about. He admits to being lonely and unhappy and not knowing what to do about it, clearly hoping that Callie is going to change her mind and say that screwing his way through the hospital staff will totally help. Instead, she tells him to find a grown woman who wants what he wants and then date her. She insists this is how grown-ups do it but he whines that he doesn't know what being a grown-up means. I was about to say, "It means not whining and dramatically flopping on the couch in a funk," but then I have to admit that I've totally done that and I know my friends have too -- sometimes a good, wallowing flop is what you need. However, once you've done that it's a good idea to try and snap yourself out of it, and Mark doesn't seem willing or able to do that yet.
Hunt meets his Patient Of The Week, a woman named Audrey who has been through every cancer treatment in the book, except for surgery, because she is convinced it won't work. Her husband Don, clearly having had this conversation before, assures Hunt that they want to hear all of the options. Richard is walking by and overhears as Audrey reminds everyone that she has a tumor the size of a football wrapped around her organs, and that trying to cut it out will kill her.
Mere continues, "We push ourselves. Residents, attendings -- it doesn't matter how much we achieve. If you're a climber, there's always another mountain." Hunt comes out of the room to find Cristina working at a desk there and Richard looking at the scans. He remarks totally casually about the tumor, and Cristina's ears perk up while an oblivious Hunt says they probably won't be operating. With wide-eyed innocence, Richard asks if he could take a stab at it, adding that he probably won't be doing this for many more years and so he might not have many more chances to look at football-sized tumors. Hunt hands her right over but Cristina starts whispering and shaking her head at him; Richard notices and pointedly asks if she has work to do. Hunt hands over the chart, and Cristina drops her head in her hands, dismayed. Once Richard has walked away she explains to Hunt that this is a huge case and that Richard just totally played him to steal it for himself. Hunt realizes this is true and goes tearing after a smiling, satisfied Richard.
The two of them get into an argument in the hall because now Hunt wants to keep Audrey's case while Richard thinks he already handed her over. Cristina interjects that this case is ripe for a Harper Avery award, and Richard admits that Harper had suggested he get back into research and that this case would be perfect for that. Hunt argues that this is a surgery where one will have to improvise, while Richard thinks that it's going to take methodical analysis of her scans and a set plan. Hunt thinks this approach is "old school," and when he sees the look on Richard's face from this insult about his age, adds lamely that that shouldn't make it personal. "You just did, Ginger," Richard snaps back. Meredith and Derek come upon the fight and when Derek asks whose patient this is, they both claim her. He thinks they should work together but shit-stirrer Cristina points out that the Harper Avery is an individual award, and this starts the two docs yelling at each other again about their approach to the surgery. Derek breaks in and says that some "friendly professional competition" is good, so they should each come up with a plan and present it to him, and that Cristina and Meredith will assist. Much to everyone's shock, Cristina says she's going with Webber, and she tells an appalled Hunt that Richard has this in the bag.
She heads to the elevator and Hunt runs after her all atwitter, demanding to know why she pushed him in the first place. She points out that this way she can let him know Richard's plan, and after a moment he says he can't believe she would spy, because that's cheating. Has he met Cristina before? She just tells him he's adorable when he's slow, and he embraces the idea, telling her admiringly that she has a dark mind.
Dr. Warren and Bailey seem to have been moving forward nicely -- he asks her what she's doing that night and she tells him that she's going to a yoga class, given to her for Christmas by the "fascist vegan" door. With his disarmingly cute smile, he tells her that she's having dinner with him instead of doing yoga. She admits that her main drive is that she'll get an earful if she doesn't go, and Warren tells her, "My back kind of hurts, but the BREATHING! I've never breathed like that before in my life!" She's confused and he explains that that is what everyone says after their first yoga class, so that's what she can tell the fascist vegan while she's enjoying dinner with him. She repeats her story after him and he grins at her, and she gives a little shy smile back, clearly completely smitten with him. And who can blame her?
Alex is working on something when Avery comes out of a patient's room and hesitates a moment before sucking it up and admitting he can't find the patient's heartbeat. Alex predictably mocks him for his lack of skills, before going in and seeing the patient himself. The guy is having a hard time catching his breath, and Avery explains that he has one of his lungs removed when he was nine -- the patient, Todd, chimes in that now it seems the other one is going. His girlfriend, Molly, just bitches that this is only a panic attack because she asked him to move in with her. Alex has been trying to get a heartbeat and finally has to admit that he can't find one either. Avery gets in his own quick retort before Todd has a full attack and really can't breathe.
They call in Teddy, who finally finds Todd's heart down by his kidney. Since he has no lung, it seems his heart started drifting around in his chest with a case of floatawayitis syndrome. The shifting then caused some compression that caused him not to breathe; Molly is now berating herself for being a complete bitch when he really had a medical problem. They hold hands as Todd asks about putting his heart back where it belongs, and Teddy explains that they will use saline implants. Everyone pauses a second to digest what she just said and Alex confirms that yes, it's what they use for fake boobs. Todd is not happy with this idea in the least and even when Teddy says that no one will see them, he starts to ask how he is supposed to... Molly swings right back to being pissed off at him, assuming he was wondering how to explain his fake boobs to the girl he dates. She grabs her things and storms out while he calls after her weakly, and then asks Teddy if he has a choice. He doesn't, if he enjoys breathing.
Hunt and Richard are in with Audrey and Don to explain what they are going to do. He admits the risk is high and Audrey declares it will kill her, and that she only wants one more month anyway so that she can see her daughter get married. Hunt gives her the only piece of news that starts her thinking about the surgery, and that is that she might not make it one month. She's absolutely stricken, and then tells them she'll listen to the plan that they come up with.
Lexie, meanwhile, greets a mom, Kelly, and her son Noah who is having severe abdominal pain. Kelly is completely freaked and mentions they were at the zoo, and Lexie starts to examine him and has Arizona paged when he jumps and yelps in pain.
Teddy seeks out Mark to ask him about the implants, and he steps right in it when he congratulates her on the decision and admits he thought about it when he first met her but didn't think she was the type to go for it. She's confused and then repulsed when she realizes he thinks she's talking about implants for herself and quickly corrects him. Mark is saved by Callie, who has watched the whole exchange, and calls him over for a "consult". He hops over on one foot, his other still in his mouth, but once there Callie tells him in a whisper that Teddy is just the type of woman he's been looking for and orders him to ask her out -- she must not have heard what just happened between the two just now because Mark has to admit he's not sure Teddy will go for it. Callie isn't taking no for an answer and just shoves him back to his conversation.
He walks back over to Teddy, apologizes, and assures her that her breasts are fantastic just as they are. She's got the look of a deer in the headlights until Mark brings her back around to her original subject: her patient. She explains quickly how she wants to use the implants to stabilize his heart, and Mark tells her he will take a look. That taken care of, she flees. Before she's out of earshot Mark calls after her to ask if it would be a bad idea to try asking her out on a date, which it totally is. Callie watches all this unfold with quite an "Oh dear," face.
Arizona comes across a frazzled Teddy waiting for the elevator and she explains that Mark asked her out; she clearly doesn't expect Arizona's reaction, which is to think a moment and then carefully call it "Cool." Teddy thinks this is the very opposite of cool but Arizona explains that Mark could be a bit of fun to help take her mind off of Hunt. She says that he's like candy: "Eat it and forget about it!" (Well, except when you're at the gym trying to work it off -- if I could really eat it and forget about it my sweet tooth would be forever grateful.) She thinks this might be the best idea ever though Teddy doesn't seem entirely convinced.
While Richard looks at a computer rendering of Audrey's tumor, Cristina asks him questions and he tells her he might let her do a resection of the diaphragm, much to her delight and surprise. That only lasts a second, though, because he says it's that or kicking her off the case if she leaks too much info to Hunt. She seems to have forgotten that he was Chief, and knows the games that surgeons play and so he totally knows she's spying on him. He offers her the chance to do some more resections, though, if she wants to "realign [her] allegiances," and she looks a little torn between the idea of helping Hunt and getting to do some cool procedures. Richard tells her to think about it.
Callie pages Bailey to where she's working on her cartilage in a bottle research, and asks Bailey if she can be on her rotation in order to just work and be quiet all day, and Bailey agrees. Once that's done though, Bailey stays and does a little hesitant dance so Callie realizes something is up and that it's Dr. Warren. Bailey gets all smiley -- it's really sweet -- and tells Callie that he's making her dinner. Callie is impressed and asks if she is ready, and when Bailey assures her she's ready to eat, Callie explains that this is a Sex Date. Bailey tells her to grow up but when she says that this is the third date Callie is sure, especially as he's going to be cooking at his home, with his bed in close proximity. Bailey is all shy about it at first and then gets kind of wigged out, asking about if she's supposed to sleep over. Callie advises no, that there's sex on the couch and then the "walk of shame to the car under cover of darkness." She's to wear pants, so as to look casual like she doesn't expect sex but is still ready for it. Bailey is totally confused and clearly worried, and it doesn't get better when Callie asks if she has, er, "prepped the surgical field." She makes some motions in the vicinity of her ladybits and after a moment a disgusted Bailey realizes what she means. As Bailey sputters a protest, Callie writes down a phone number and directs Bailey to the Ukranian woman at the local manicure place who will take care of her. Bailey is disgusted and runs off, but does keep the paper with the number on it.
Noah's father Jim has arrived, and while Arizona does an ultrasound he and Kelly bicker over Noah's care, to the point that I figured this was going to be a situation in which they were divorced and could barely manage to get along anyway. However, one calls the other "Honey" and it seems that maybe in fact the dad is just kind of a controlling jackass. He thinks that Kelly must have missed something and she's absolutely a wreck and tells him to admit he blames her, because she'd blame him if this happened when Noah was with him. It's a weird and totally unhealthy dynamic, and Arizona tries to shut it down and assure them that it's no one's fault because kids just get sick. As Arizona orders another test, Jim actually suggests that maybe Noah ate something off the ground? Kelly screeches that she was watching him. Man, these two are especially horrible given that this is a fairly insignificant storyline.
Mere hands Hunt some lab results; nearby, Mark walks up to Teddy to talk about the surgery. She pauses a moment and then asks him to scrub in and place the implants for him, and when he agrees she stutters a bit and then tells him she might actually be free that evening. Hunt's ears perk up at this and he watches as a happy Mark tells her there's an Italian restaurant they could try, but Teddy shoots that idea down as fast as possible and suggests a drink at Joe's, "and then..." When Mark tells her he wants them to get to know each other Teddy stutters, rescinds her availability, and bolts. Hunt then walks over to demand to know what Mark is doing, and then tries to defend Teddy's honor by saying she's not the kind of woman Mark can just bang and leave. (Fine, there's some paraphrasing there.) But Mark informs Hunt that in this situation, he appears to be the respectful adult and that maybe Hunt should talk to Teddy about how she treats men. He smirks and walks off while Mere glares death rays into Hunt as she saw the whole exchange.
Callie leaves her dungeon long enough to go grab lunch with Arizona in the cafeteria, and when Arizona brings up the idea of Mark and Teddy Callie happily says she had the very same thought. They have a few smug moments about how they are the most in-sync, brilliant couple ever in the history of romance but then there's the proverbial record scratch when Arizona says that Teddy needs someone to cleanse her palate (her surgical field, if you will) and Callie replies that Teddy needs someone to father her children. Callie explains that Mark wants a family and Arizona fesses up to the whole "candy" analogy, her excuse being that she had no idea about this new fatherly side of Mark. Speak of the devil, he comes in and throws himself into a chair to lament how Teddy said no, then yes, then no, and is treating him like a piece of meat. When he asks who would do that, Arizona ventures that in fact he would, but he says he has changed. One can understand her confusion as it was only days before that he was acting like he was trying to win the gold in the Sex Olympics. Alex comes up to tell him the time of the surgery and when Mark pats his arm, a scared Alex flinches away from him. He obviously doesn't quite believe Mark's promise that he'll stop being a jerk. (An understandable fear given that he was caught with Little Grey two seconds after said promise was made.)
Lexie walks up to Alex but he tells her not to talk to him here since Sloan has crazy eyes. Lexie brushes this off and asks if she is still Mark's property, but when she offers to talk to him Alex tells her to wait since they are going to be in surgery together soon. She looks across the room at Mark and then gives a big "Ugh," and goes to sit with Mere and Cristina. She complains about Mark wanting to kill Alex but when Mere tries to remind her that sleeping with Alex is a bad idea Lexie insists that the situation is happy and easy, and that Mark took so much mental energy that this is the best thing that could have happened to her. Cristina clearly doesn't believe all this but Lexie goes so far as to talk about how much happier Mark would be if he could just move on. Mere decides to test this and says he was picking up Teddy, but Lexie is convinced that's just for sex like all of the other drug reps and nurses, and complains about his double standard for her sex life. Cristina just mocks her, telling her that there's no getting over her, so she lets out another "Ugh," and leaves. Mere laughs at Cristina and her ability to clear a room when Hunt joins them to tell Mere that Audrey's new scans are ready. Cristina asks how it's going and they give her an update, but when Mere asks about Richard's plans she gets all vague and says that he's flailing like the sad, old guy he is. She's made the classic mistake of going too far with her lie, because Hunt knows Richard isn't a flailer. Cristina leaves to go help him some more and Mere and Hunt know that she's been turned and run to go get to the scans before she does.
Derek finds Bailey in street clothes and asks her to come help with a consult, and he's incredibly surprised when she says no, pointing out that he's never seen her eat in all the time he's known her. Come to think of it, I think he might be right as I can't remember ever seeing her in the cafeteria or eating elsewhere. How very meta. She gets all combative as she defends that she has things to do and finally tells Derek that this doesn't require an interrogation, demanding to know if that's the kind of Chief -- nay, the kind of MAN -- he wants to be? He's frightened and confused, having received a good, old-fashioned Bailey smackdown, and she pushes out the door.
Teddy is in with Todd and as she examines him he explains that his own parents' disastrous marriage is what makes him hesitant to move in with Molly, because he doesn't want anyone to get hurt. She assures him he doesn't need to explain but he says, with a totally straight face, "You think I'm a turd and you're getting ready to slice me open with a knife." She manages to keep her own straight face as she assures him she doesn't think he's a turd. Did you know that Microsoft Word is not familiar with "turd"? There's your This is Funny Because We're All Really 11-Year-Old Boys at Heart Fact of the Day.
Arizona and Lexie go to see their patient's horrible parents (well, horrible dad) and explain how a cyst on his liver ruptured. Jim wonders how this could happen and Lexie tries to explain how it all works, adding that sometimes they can rupture with pressure. He assumes Noah must have fallen and Kelly didn't tell him and Arizona again tries to shut down this conversation by saying they have to go to surgery now. Kelly then realizes that she and Noah had been playing a game where they gave each other bear hugs, and that she squeezed him hard and that's when the pain started. Good lord, could this story be any more heavy-handed? After all of Jim's assumptions, she accidentally hurt her child by HUGGING HIM. Good grief. Alarms go off and the surgeons make plans to rush him into the OR.
Bailey gets back to the hospital and goes right in to see Callie, explaining in her no-nonsense, not-amused voice that the woman held up two postage stamps and asked if she wanted "the 44-cent or the 3?" Callie is frustrated from her experiments not working and so doesn't pick up on Bailey's tone and just brushes off that Bailey doesn't need to tell her what she picked. Bailey responds with a hint of despair that she left and then explains at some length how she likes her surgical field as God made it, and not to look like the surgical field of a child. (It's a little-voiced but very valid point, there.) She gets all defensive, adding that if a man can't handle some "nature" down there then he shouldn't be there in the first place. Callie doesn't care as she's still really paying attention to her failed research, so finally an upset Bailey grabs her friend's wrist to get her attention. Callie looks up and finally listens as Bailey asks if she's not cut out for this, if she's no longer "patient or stupid enough" to deal with it all. Hey, I ask that all the time! Let's go get cocktails. Callie gets up and gives Bailey a hug, assuring her that she can do it.
Arizona and Lexie are in surgery and realize that the cyst is huge and they'll be working a lot longer than they initially thought. Lexie asks if she should update the parents and Arizona agrees that it is a good idea, but explains that Lexie could say pretty much anything because until she reports that he's okay they won't hear anything that comes out of her mouth. Lexie runs off with the advice to keep her face happy. Man, this is boring and is clearly going to be some sort of Lesson About Parenting. On to the , already.
Hunt and Webber are waiting for Derek when Cristina drags Avery up and says that whoever wins should put him on their team. Hunt accuses her of being a spy while Richard replies that he started it -- ultimately, I actually think Cristina was the one who started it. Avery is confused, which might be evidence that he is a tad slow, until Hunt points out that Harper won't give the award to his grandson and Cristina counters that they can leave his name off, but that he can drop something about the surgery at some family dinner. I thought Mark was the one who was best at treating others like pieces of meat, but Cristina is vying for the prize with gusto here. Meredith walks up into the fray and mercifully shuts it down by announcing that Derek is ready.
Mark is in Teddy's OR and she's a little wary that he's just going to eyeball what he needs once they have Todd open. When Mark reaches for something Alex pulls back as if Mark might reach over and strangle him, and Mark mocks him for being so jumpy. Alarms then all start to blare and Teddy and Alex freak out, but Mark explains how he just needs to reposition the implants and tells them all to relax, acting like the world's weariest martyr.
Cristina hands out papers like she's the teacher's pet while Richard goes over his approach to Audrey's surgery, which is to go in through her chest. The idea shocks Hunt but Richard thinks it's not as risky as Hunt's going in through the abdomen and then just seeing how things look when he gets there. Cristina lets out a sassy, "Snap!" at his comeback. Derek asks a couple of questions and compliments Richard's work, but says that he's more comfortable with Hunt's plan and gives him the case. Richard argues that it's an attitude rather than a plan, but Derek thinks improvisation will be best in this case. He thanks everyone, and all but Richard file out. Derek apologizes to Richard and repeats that it was a good plan, but that Hunt's makes more sense. Richard retorts angrily that it makes more sense because it's what he would do personally, and that as Chief he needs to manage the surgeons and all their own methods rather than just making people do what he would do. "It takes vision, Derek. And you don't have it." Snap, indeed! Derek just pouts at this attack on his skills.
The alarms are still ringing in Teddy's OR but Sloan goes about his business and tries to get the others off his back while he works. He's like a kid who had his favorite toy taken away, just pouting and offering up passive aggressive comebacks to everything Teddy has to say. Of course, as she is really starting to freak out, the alarms stop and Todd's pressure comes back up. Mark finishes up and then dramatically rips off his gown as Teddy compliments his work. He tells her it's a hobby: "Professionally I'm more focused on my work as a male escort." He's not really making a good argument for wanting a mature woman, here, since he's acting like a petulant teenager whose girlfriend dumped him for his lab partner.
Hunt goes back to Audrey and Don and explains the surgery while Richard listens. She picks up on the improvisational nature of it and figures it's a death sentence rather than a plan. Don, who has been by her side every moment and supportive, has clearly finally had it as Hunt reminds her that this could give her way more of a life than just a month. She starts yelling that he's gambling away her daughter's wedding, so Don jumps in and says that he'll call the daughter and a justice of the peace and that they can do the wedding here and now. He reminds her that she doesn't like weddings, and that their daughter will be mad at her that day anyway because that's how brides handle their stress. She yells at him to stop but this is clearly what he's wanted to say for a while, and he says their daughter doesn't care about her wedding because her mother is dying, which makes Audrey physically recoil. Even though he's yelling, it's obviously out of love and caring and he's not a jackass like our other husband this week -- he reminds her that their daughter will need her around for grandkids and the like, and that he needs her too. Richard finally pipes up and says that Don and Hunt are both right here, and that Hunt will solve things as they come and his plan is a good one. She hugs her husband while Hunt looks at Richard, grateful for the support.
Arizona and Lexie come out to tell Noah's ridiculous parents that he is going to be totally fine. Kelly is worried about hugging or wrestling with him, already trying to explain (clearly more for her idiot husband) that Noah is a boy and he initiates it, so Jim reminds her not to throw him on the ground. Man, this is down as one of my least favorite recent storylines to have to recap -- these people are idiots. Arizona looks like she wants to punch him but assures Kelly she can do all that and that if he's in pain again now they will know what to do. Jim tries to cut her off and there's another fight, which Lexie breaks up by offering to take them to see him. Arizona stays behind, and drops her head back in the chair, exhausted.
Bailey is pacing in an on-call room when Callie responds to her page, but because she's so in her own world she once again looks surprised when she finds out that Bailey paged her. She's even more surprised when it turns out Bailey is nervous about condoms. Callie really is wrapped up in her work here because she's generally a better friend than this -- it should be no surprise after all of her other conversations with Bailey. Bailey wants to know if she should be the one to bring them and Callie assures her the guy will do it. She then admits she figured Bailey was a diaphragm girl and gets a lecture from Bailey about how diaphragms only protect against pregnancy and dude, isn't she a doctor? It's well deserved. Then she goes back on her own advice, admitting that sometimes the guy won't have them on the third date as a sign of respect, so Bailey should probably bring some after all. It's way too much for Bailey to handle; she's clearly on the verge of having a complete meltdown. She gives Callie a pleading look that Callie correctly interprets is a request to go get some condoms for her friend, but Callie thinks Bailey can do it on her own. Bailey uses this to get some of her regular mojo back and orders Callie not to make her ask twice.
Mere and Hunt are in surgery, and despite Richard's having helped talk Audrey in to it, he and Cristina are watching from the gallery. Hunt and Mere are having trouble telling liver from tumor. Up above, Richard tells Cristina he's sorry she's not on the winning team. She admits it sucks but gives him props for a ballsy play with the method he proposed, and he tells her (counter to Hunt's opinion of him) that he likes to keep it fresh. Down below they are starting to have a problem, and when Cristina calls down to ask if she can help Hunt hollers back that he needs Richard's help.
Mark is crying on Callie's shoulder about the day's events, and actually says he doesn't know why Teddy thinks he's a piece of meat. Mark, it's because you act like a piece of meat. Callie tells him to just move on and find someone else, but Mark shuffles along and complains about every suggestion she makes -- lunch isn't romantic, and daylight and getting to know each other is the least sexy thing ever. Callie reminds him that he wants more than sex and when he won't stop moping, finally realizes that he really is that insecure. She assures him that he's a good person (while also complimenting his skills in bed) and asks why he thinks Lexie fell for him? He just says that she left, but Callie counters that she was too young, and that it was about Lexie and not Mark. Really?? Are we still sticking to that story? Because the story I saw involved Lexie not being ready for an insta-family, yes, but also involved Mark's not involving her in some pretty major life decisions. Let's not heap this all on Lexiepedia here. Callie realizes Mark still doesn't believe her but assures him that he's worth getting to know in the daylight.
Richard has gone down to the OR and is working with Hunt, but they argue a bit about the best approach to take and Hunt seems on the verge of panicking. He wants to take out the liver, so Richard asks why he doesn't do that? Richard could then clean it all up ex vivo while Hunt worked on her vessels. Cristina and Mere are impressed as no one has tried this before, which -- seriously. Last week doing that ex vivo lung procedure was this huge new thing but now it's just casually thrown out as an option? It seems to warrant a less flippant tone of voice about it, at least. But at any rate, Audrey starts to crash and Hunt declares that they will go for it. It should be noted that for all his bravado, Hunt is still definitely the younger doctor while Richard seems totally in control of the OR.
Teddy comes out and reports to Molly that Todd is going to be fine. Molly is a bundle of nerves, wondering if she thinks Todd will even want to see her after she stormed out earlier. She admits that she loves him and acted crazy, but she has a very sympathetic audience and Teddy assures her that when you feel like you love someone more than he loves you back, it will make you kind of crazy.
Richard and Hunt were obviously successful as Don and a girl I presume is their daughter are shaking hands with the docs joyously. Cristina, Mere and Avery are watching this and Cristina tries to angle for the award on Richard's behalf. Mere shoots her down, pointing out that Hunt was already halfway done when he had Richard come help, so Cristina pouts that it's a waste that there will be no Harper Avery. Yes, all they have to fall back on is saving a woman's life -- what a pathetic consolation. Avery pipes up, not to tell her that, but to say that it wasn't a waste because this was why the award was created in the first place -- to push surgeons to take it to the level even if they were already at the top. He does sound a little like an informational video and Cristina mocks him, replying, "This message was brought to you by the Harper Avery Foundation of America." Mere laughs as she goes on, and Avery calls her a bitch and storms away. He's got a little bit of time yet before he can come to terms with his famous family like Mere finally did. Hunt comes up and needs something written up, so Cristina takes the chart and heads off to do it, still giggling at herself. Hunt then compliments Meredith on a job well done, and calls them a good team. With a Cheshire cat grin, Mere tells him that they aren't a team; she and Cristina are a team. She points out that she saw his reaction to Mark and Teddy, and Hunt tries to laugh it off by saying Teddy is a friend while, "Mark Sloan is a public health hazard." Meredith cuts right to it and says he was jealous, and while he looks at her, surprised, she basically tells him that Cristina is now happy after a long battle to get there, and that if Hunt screws it up she'll cut off his balls, essentially. "That's a team." I don't know why he was directed to look surprised, here -- he has already shown that he understands how deep the friendship is between these two. He was the one that came up with the "Twisted Sisters" moniker, for goodness' sake.
We see Molly sitting by Todd's bed, Jim and Kelly sitting with Noah, and Audrey's daughter sitting at her bedside while a female singer begins wailing to cue that we're wrapping things up.
Arizona is eating Chinese food from the box while a dejected Callie keeps working on her cartilage. Just as she's about to give up, though, she realizes that whatever is in the tube is no longer liquid, and she scrambles and looks at her formula with cautious excitement. She tells Arizona that she's been on fire today, not just with her research but with the relationship advice that people were asking her for. Let's just ignore the fact that Mark asked for nothing and that she kept prodding him along -- it's close enough, right? She's just thrilled that she is seen as someone sane and healthy enough to give advice, whether or not it's taken. She's thrilled because she knows that not THAT long ago she wouldn't have been regarded at all as someone qualified to help with romantical issues. Arizona sincerely tells her that she's amazing and Callie corrects that they are amazing as the stable couple everyone else aspires to be. She then indulges in a daydream about their future, ten years down the road, in a big house with kids running around. Arizona loves the idea, but just nixes the part about the kids and shudders. Callie thinks she is joking, seeing as how she's in pediatrics, but Arizona says it's just that -- the long, clunky storyline of today was meant to show how hard it is to have kids and worry that you're going to break them, and how she knows that after a scare like the idiot parents had they will never sleep well again. She's totally oblivious to Callie's reaction and starts yapping about the house again -- like dropping a "no kids" bomb is on par with saying she doesn't like the same toppings on her pizza that Callie likes. Seriously, Arizona has been created as a more in-tune character than this, and it makes me mad. Because Callie is obviously really, really bothered.
Mark walks out to where Teddy is talking to Alex and once she's done, she walks over to Mark and nervously tells him that she'd love to have dinner if he's up for it. Alex watches as Mark says he's going to take her to lunch instead so that they can get to know each other in broad daylight and see if they are interested in the same future, because he wants to build a life and a family and isn't wasting time on someone who doesn't share that. Dude. Even for the woman who wants that -- that intro is WAY too strong and he's going to have the ladies bolting like the roadrunner while he is left looking confused like Wile E. Coyote. However, this is the end of the episode and things need to be wrapped up, so Teddy looks at him like he's a new guy, he tells her he'll pick her up at noon, and when he walks away she finally says, "okay," a little shocked but clearly pleased.
Bailey is dressed in pants, looking foxy, holding a glass of wine and looking out at a gorgeous view from a gorgeous apartment in which a gorgeous man is cooking her dinner. He talks about grilling outdoors and how it doesn't really work in Seattle, but she just fiddles with her wine glass, clearly not listening, and cuts him off. She announces that she doesn't do things on a timeline just because it's the third date, and she has been out of the game for a while but still only plays by her own rules. She starts to say something about his expectations but he cuts her off to ask if she's giving him a lecture. He's good-natured but he's also serious, and she is stunned and finally tells him no. He points out that he thinks that she is, and that she does that because people are scared of her and don't want to interrupt her once she's going, but he's not scared of her so a lecture won't work. The whole time he's telling her this he's still puttering around working on the food and looking as HOT AS THE SUN. Holy hot doctors, Batman! Bailey is shocked into silence, so he tells her not to worry, that she can ask a question, he'll answer it, and then it's her turn again. He then gives her a bright smile and tells her to go ahead.
Stuttering, she finally asks if he thought they were going to have sex tonight. She tries to go on and shoot down the idea but he stops her and says that he will answer, and while this is obviously incredibly hard for her she's also clearly charmed. He tells her that he wasn't assuming because he isn't looking for something trashy and thinks that the third date is a little early. He then asks what she thinks, and she agrees, still not able to fully compose herself. She then asks if she can make a statement rather than ask a question and he tells her it's fine, so nervously she admits with downcast eyes that she's only ever had sex with her ex. He guesses this means she doesn't take sex lightly, and she agrees. Wow, I think that officially makes her the only employee of that hospital that feels that way. He then says that he doesn't take it lightly either, so I guess that's two employees. He then asks her what else and she manages to finally ask when he thinks the right time will be. He hopes they will know it when they see it, and then adds that he hopes it's between dates eight and twelve. Bailey asks if he's concerned they might end up just friends, but he walks up to her and asks if that's what she is looking for, and when she says no he says he isn't either. He takes a sip of wine, having moved to within a few inches from her face, tells her he already has friends, and then leans in to kiss her. She leans right back, clearly comfortable that this is the time for sexy make-out fun, and Mere VOs, "They take pictures of mountain climbers at the top of the mountain. They are smiling, ecstatic, triumphant."
Richard is standing at the walkway railing looking down at the hospital below. Derek comes up and congratulates him on the surgery by reporting that Hunt said he couldn't have done it without him. Derek then starts to apologize but Richard cuts him off and assures him he was doing his job, which he knows isn't easy. Derek agrees, and adds that he isn't very good at it yet, which totally leaves the door wide open for Richard to agree, "No. You're not." Derek laughs but Richard starts to trot down the stairs, and Derek realizes he's serious and calls after to try and get one kind word from him. Richard just waves gaily, and Derek looks rather worried as Mere continues, "They don't take pictures along the way, because who wants to remember the rest of it?"
"We push ourselves because we have to, not because we like it." Lexie walks up to Alex and asks if Mark tried to kill him, but Alex reports that Mark is totally cool and he thinks he might like Teddy. Lexie brushes this off as just another of his sexual conquests, but Alex replies that it looked real, and tells her about the lunch invite and the getting to know each other, and that he thinks Teddy went for it. Lexie looks like someone smacked her, and runs into the bathroom.
Inside, she sees Meredith washing her hands, and when Mere says hi Lexie just looks around wildly like a trapped animal, lost and confused. Mere got the job of being the observant friend this week and asks if she is okay, and Lexie manages to tell her that Mark seems to really be moving on. Meredith cautiously asks if this isn't a good thing (based on all she's been saying) and ultimately what she wanted. Lexie tells her that it's great but then she crumbles and drops to the floor, sobbing, while a worried Mere watches her and VO's, "The relentless climb, the pain and anguish of taking it to the level -- nobody takes pictures of that. Nobody wants to remember. We just want to remember the view from the top."
In a high-rise apartment with a great view from the top, Bailey and Ben keep making out and Mere finishes, "That's what keeps us climbing. And it's worth the pain. That's the crazy part. It's worth anything."
Find out who will be guest-starring on the final episodes of Grey's this season.