So despite having recapped 60-something episodes of this show, and knowing full well that there was a prestigious fictional award called the Harper Avery Award, I still somehow neglected to notice that one of the Mercy Westers was named, hmm, Jackson Avery. It turns out Meredith isn't the only one at the hospital with a famous family member, as Harper is Jackson's grandfather, and Jackson has an incredibly difficult relationship with him on account of his medical fame. Harper is rushed in with abdominal pain and then, when he's told he needs surgery, orders the doctors to let him stay awake so that he can see what's going on. When Derek tries to talk him out of it, Harper basically mocks his being Chief and looks more to Richard. He wants Richard to do the surgery, as he is the only one Harper actually knows and trusts. It's Richard's first day back and he wanted an easy day, but he agrees, and the only hitch during the surgery is when Harper orders him to use a different type of suture than Richard was planning to use. Afterward, Meredith convinces Jackson to talk to his grandfather and learn from him while he has time, but it dissolves into a fight that is then interrupted by Harper's cardiac arrest. Richard doesn't want to be the one to perform the fix-it surgery because he's terrified he made a mistake the first time around that caused this, but Derek assures him he can do it and sends him back in, where they find that Harper had an allergic reaction to the sutures that he had wanted. Richard is thrilled that he did in fact do everything right and actually none of this would have happened if they had done things his way in the first place, which makes up some for the humiliation of having to now submit urine samples at work so that they can make sure he's not sneaking any drinks. Derek, meanwhile, is having some trouble asserting himself as Chief, but when he finally has to stand up to Harper before his second surgery it seems to get him going in the right direction, and he and Richard seem to start to work at being able to coexist with their new backwards boss/employee relationship.
Cristina, meanwhile, is having a hard day on account of having misdiagnosed Harper before she even knew who she was. She and Lexie are working on Teddy's service and Lexie is having her own bad day since everyone thinks she has feelings for Alex now that they are sleeping together. She wants to prove she's a badass, and Cristina wants to do something incredible that Harper might hear about, so they wind up kinda/sorta stealing some lungs that were going to be tossed rather than donated and do some crazy, barely-tested procedure to implant them into their patient who is too sick to get garden-variety donor lungs. Teddy is furious when she realizes they stole lungs behind her back, and then freaks out during the surgery when complications. But Cristina manages to get her mind back to the surgery and they work together and manage to save the kid's life. They celebrate with a girls' night that Arizona planned because for ONCE someone in the hospital noticed the obvious -- that Teddy was mooning over Hunt. She convinces Teddy to hang with her and Callie and to become friends instead of just making sad puppy dog eyes at Owen, and all of the ladies wind up having a bonding, celebratory night of playing baseball.
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So the five men who watch this show are given a thank you for doing so when treated to shots of Lexie trying to arrange herself in a sexy pose on a bed, wearing only the bedsheet. As she tries out different poses, Mere starts, "Surgeons are detail oriented. We like statistics and checklists and operating procedures. Our patients live because we enjoy following the steps. But as much as we love to always rely on the numbers, the plan, we also know that some of the greatest medical discoveries have happened by accident." A fair amount of time is clearly passing, and Lexie is fidgeting. She finally decides to wait with the sheet pulled back to show off her lovely lady lumps, and of course that is the moment that Derek, not Alex, walks in to the room. They both yelp, horrified, and as Derek flees Meredith appears in the door. Alex left ten minutes earlier (shame Derek didn't realize that before he walked in) and when Mere asks, Lexie admits that she and Alex have been hooking up since Mere caught them the first time. She warns her little sister that Alex is emotionally like she was three years earlier and therefore totally unsuitable as a crush. Lexie tries to claim that it's just sex with no feelings, but Mere laughs her off because she knows Lexie too well, and points out, "Your heart lives in your vagina." Lexie tries to deny it and then, realizing that it's futile, tells her it's not like that this time. Mere laughs in her face about this and heads off to work.
"Mold: penicillin, poisonous tree bark: a cure for malaria, a little blue pill for hydropressure: impotence be damned." As Mere's VO lists famous medical discoveries that were accidents, Derek arrives at the hospital to find some doctors giggling and listening to moaning coming from behind a door. He shoos them away and walks right in, only to find Mark with his pants down, holding a woman up against a supply rack. She's horrified but Mark just seems pissed to have been interrupted, and Derek storms away muttering, "Why is this my morning?" hilariously leaving the door wide open as he stomps off.
Cristina and Hunt are walking in to work and she excitedly tells him about a surgery that she and Teddy performed when he gets a page. He is quiet and she knows something is wrong and asks what's up; he says it's nothing and then immediately comments on how she and Teddy are friends now. Cristina tells him that she is and then sincerely tells him that he can be friends with her too, reminding him that she never told him not to. It's definitely coming from the new, more mature and gentle Relationship Cristina perspective when she tells him to be friends with her. Mere VO's: "It's hard for us to accept that it's not always the hard work or attention to detail that will get us the answers we're looking for. He thanks her and they are kissing when Charles walks out, pissed to find them so as he just paged Hunt about an incoming trauma. The paramedics arrive and unload a motorcycle-riding, helmet-eschewing daredevil with a closed head wound, among other things. He's barely alive, which is just as well given that as they start to run inside, one of the medics slips on some water (it's pouring rain out) and she and the gurney come crashing down to the asphalt.
Charles wants the case but Cristina claims she touched him first and so gets him. Charles is really just dead weight on this show but even I have to give this to him as he was standing there waiting to receive this trauma. A hospital lawyer shows up wanting a statement and Hunt tells the two bickering residents to work out who is giving the statement. Because she's not even in scrubs yet, Cristina loses and has to go with the lawyer while Charles gloats. As she walks off she claims that this isn't over between them.
Teddy is watching Hunt work from across the ER, gazing at him like a lovesick puppy. Arizona walks up to her to discuss a patient of hers in oncology, apologizing that she knows Teddy is busy with surgery and staring at Owen. Teddy must have forgotten what it's like to have girlfriends because she's surprised that Arizona noticed, though Arizona brings up Christmas and the singing and then all of the pathetic gazing and it's all she can notice now. She declares that she likes to fix people and wants to help Teddy, and cuts her off when Teddy tries feebly to deny her feelings. Arizona thinks that the two of them should be friends and that Teddy should come out with her and Callie that night for a Girls' Night Out. She gets incredibly giddy at the idea that maybe she could convince Bailey to join them too. Arizona begs her to say yes so Teddy does, though she seems slightly scared. Arizona then brings her patient back up, a kid named Elliott who needs a lung transplant. Alex hears this as he's walking by and wants in, but Arizona tells him that since she found out he slept with her girlfriend, there's no way he's going to be on this case. Alex points out that it was years before but Arizona maintains that jealousy is a powerful monster, and shoos him off. Once he's gone, she turns to Teddy and asks, "As my new friend, don't judge me for that."
Derek has called Mark to the office to give him a talking-to, just like a bad student being called to the principal's office. He tells Mark he knows that he is upset Sloan left but that screwing drug reps won't help, and despite Mark's assertion that it does, Derek lays down the law that there is to be no more drug rep screwing in the hospital. Mark gripes that he's no fun now that he's Chief, and then takes his leave as the former Chief arrives. Derek asks him how his first day is going and Richard says so far it's fine before placing a cup with his urine sample down on the desk. Oh, ouch. Derek genuinely tells him that he's sorry for this, but Richard knows it's part of the rehab program and seems more interested in being done with it, asking Derek just to run the test under an anonymous name. Derek asks what he needs and Richard suggests a low-stress day with routine surgery that puts him home by 5 pm. Derek agrees and they shake hands but since we've all seen TV before, we know that's a handshake that will only insure that things run totally out of control before long.
Cristina is being nothing but gracious and helpful with the hospital lawyer... except totally not, because she's Cristina, and she just wants to get away and go to work. She decides they are finished as Avery accompanies an older man being wheeled in by paramedics. It took me a while to place the guy -- the voice was familiar but by sight I couldn't figure it out (and imdb is totally dropping the ball lately, not updating guest stars until well after the episodes air) but eventually I realized the actor is Chelcie Ross and I know him from his recent AWESOME turn as Conrad Hilton on Mad Men. He passed out while they were in a restaurant but thinks it's a waste to be there, even though he has abdominal pain. Cristina runs to his bedside and despite Avery's protests starts to examine him, treating him pretty much like a dumb old man. She's surprised to learn that this is Avery's grandfather but uses it as an excuse to continue the exam, since he is family, and suggests that it might be hurtyabdomenitis. Grandpa asks her if she's sure since he only has one symptom of the disease, and she's taken aback to realize he's a doctor, and downright speechless when he introduces himself as Harper Avery, of the oft-mentioned Harper Avery Award. Harper tells Jackson (it's going to get way too confusing to keep up my normal moniker of "Avery" this hour) to get him a new and better surgeon while Cristina stands in a panicked stupor from just misdiagnosing one of the top surgeons in the nation, who happens to be her co-worker's grandfather.
Once in her scrubs, she finds Mere and tells her the story, lamenting what this does to her chances of ever actually winning a Harper Avery award. Mere reminds her that he could die before she gets to that point, so not to worry, and when Lexie walks up Mere tells Cristina what happened that morning in an effort to cheer her up. It works, though Lexie is mortified, and Cristina proceeds to tell Lex exactly the same things Meredith did about Alex being Mere three years ago and Lexie's heart living in her vagina. As Meredith and Cristina gloat over how they basically share the same brain, Lexie storms off. They run into Derek who already heard about Cristina's run-in with Harper; apparently no one in the entire hospital knew that he was Jackson's grandfather. Cristina gripes that Jackson is an entitled brat with no skills but a good bloodline, and Meredith's hackles immediately go up as she defends that it's not his fault they are related. Cristina just retorts, "Oh whatever, Ellis Grey's daughter," but it relieves the tension of her first statement. She heads off and Derek asks his post-it wife how he looks and she realizes he's actually nervous. She thinks Harper is just a guy who happens to have an award named after him but Derek bets that she wants to meet him too. She absolutely admits it and they head down to see him.
Cristina arrives to find a hectic scene in the ER and Hunt explains that the daredevil started to bleed out on his way to the OR. Charles asks for her help and she gloats that he needs her as she heads over to assist.
Across the room, a woman is screeching at her daughter and they argue very loudly about whether or not the mom should have been driving. Callie is there because the mom injured her knee and she asks them to tone down the yelling, but her grown daughter explains that she is nearly deaf and won't admit it and get a hearing aid, so they have to yell. The woman yells at the doctors to speak to her rather than her daughter and the fighting starts anew as Callie tells Alex to run a head CT. She tells the women that she has to operate on a ruptured tendon in Mom's knee and that she'll be off her feet for a few weeks; Daughter is appalled at the idea that she'll have to help her out even longer.
As the screeching between mother and daughter continues, Harper, in a nearby bed, comments on how annoying they are. Bailey tells him they are getting him a private room and he reminds her that she already said that. Derek shows up and Harper recognizes his name from his trial on the gliomas that he did with Meredith, then asks pointedly if they brought a neurosurgeon to help with his abdominal cramps. He's not impressed when he's told Derek is the Chief as he wants to have a surgeon that he knows, so he asks for Dr. Grey. A very pleased but surprised Mere steps up, causing Harper makes to make a plastic surgery crack. He's then suitably embarrassed when Meredith explains that Ellis was her mom and that she passed away. He offers his condolences and then asks if Richard still works there. Derek says he does but tries to say he is busy, and it's at that very moment that Hunt and the others wheel out the daredevil, who then starts spraying blood all over his doctors. Amongst all the chaos, Derek resignedly says he'll page Richard.
Harper is now in his own room as Richard looks at his scans and finds an obstruction. He tells Harper that it's a good thing Jackson brought him in right away and says that Bailey will operate immediately. By way of reply, Harper asks if it was a student or a board member's wife. Richard is confused and Harper jovially explains that no one gives up Chief of Surgery and they're only asked to step down if they have done something juicy. "So who were you slipping it to?" He's kind of obnoxiously awesome, but Jackson is appalled and immediately apologizes for his grandfather. Harper just says Jackson doesn't get his sense of humor and insists everyone knew it was a joke, though I'm certain it was one of those jokes that was totally rooted in truth, and that he really thinks Richard was ousted due to his sexual exploits. Derek answers for Richard as if he's not standing right there and says he left to focus on research. Harper knows it's crap and still wants Richard to operate despite Derek's assurances that Bailey is a great surgeon. Harper, though, insists on Webber (no offense to Bailey) and then declares that he also plans to be awake during the surgery so that he can supervise what's going on. Derek heaves a sigh while Richard mutters so much for his low-stress day.
Lexie is giving the bullet on a patient, Elliott, who had cancer that went into remission, but because of radiation now has pulmonary fibrosis. This is the case Arizona was telling Teddy about, so they are all gathered around the bed as Elliott's sister snidely points out that this is old information. When Arizona gently tells her they need to review his history, she asks them to do it on their own time. She's a peach, this one, and Elliott apologizes for her. Apologizing for inappropriate family member outbursts seems to be a running theme this episode. Teddy explains how difficult it is to find new lungs that are even viable in the first place, and adds that because of his cancer, and all of his immunosuppressants that could reject donor organs, Elliott is too high-risk to get on the list. His sister Jill pleads with them that he survived both leukemia and lymphoma when people rarely do and because of that, he deserves new lungs, but Teddy sadly tells her that these are the transplant board's rules and not hers, and she's very sorry.
Out at the nurses' station, Lexie asks Teddy about ex vivo lung transplantation, and Cristina jumps in and explains that it is taking damaged donor lungs that would be thrown away and repairing them while on bypass and then asks excitedly if they are doing one. Teddy guesses that Cristina wants on her service in order to do something cool that will make up for her humiliation in front of Harper earlier that day. It seems Lexie told Teddy about that as revenge for Cristina and Mere making fun of her earlier. It totally was Mere that spilled the beans and the girls were giving Lexie actual, valid girlfriend advice (even if they were annoying while they were doing it), but as Mere is not here to be our Weekly Renegade, we'll just go ahead and blame Cristina for the mocking. Cristina has to agree that yes, her daredevil died and so she's available but Teddy refuses to do the patient as it's never even been done in the United States. Cristina tries to sway her by reminding her that Harper Avery is there and could catch wind of it and maybe give her one of his precious awards, but Teddy says she doesn't care about awards. Cristina points out that only people who don't win awards feel like that. Teddy leaves and Cristina asks Lex if she thinks they could do it. Lexie only wants to talk about how she absolutely totally doesn't have feelings for Alex, but Cristina points out that she in fact doesn't give a crap about that.
While Richard, Derek and Harper argue about his awake surgery, Jackson is waiting in the hall with Mere and he realizes his grandfather is giving a speech that he heard many times growing up about the wonders of medicine and surgeons trying new things and pushing boundaries. Why, like ex vivo lung transplants? How convenient! Mere thinks that it sounds motivating but he tells her it's cheesy, though he then admits that he heard it enough at the dinner table that he wanted to be a surgeon. Mere can only quip that she had no idea that any world-class surgeons had dinner tables, given her own lack of any true, functional, family togetherness. She feels gypped, but he warns her that she hasn't heard the speech. His griping holds less water now, though, since he has admitted it made him a surgeon.
We then are treated to the end of said speech, as Harper tries to sell Richard and Derek on the idea of being students again and gaining a new perspective. As if he's rallying his troops, he gets louder and asks if this isn't why they became surgeons in the first place? There's a lot of blustering about challenging moments and reaching potential before he tells them to get into the OR and teach the kids. "Teach ourselves what it means to be great." Teach/Be a control freak about your own care... it's six of one, half a dozen of another. Derek smiles but tells him he can't authorize the surgery, however he's interrupted by Richard who says that actually, they can. Harper is overjoyed and snips at Derek that that is how a Chief does things. "Shepherd, take note." Yes, getting bullied by a legend is very Chiefly. Derek just glares at a somewhat nervous-looking Richard.
Derek follows Richard out into the hall and Richard tries to cut him off but Derek won't be stopped and claims that he's the only person looking out for Richard and he doesn't support this decision. He's riding high on his Horse of Righteousness, and poor Richard drops his head and sucks it up to say, "I apologize... Chief Shepherd." Derek asks him if he really wants to do it and when Richard says that he does, Derek finally agrees.
Mark stumbles out of a supply closet/on-call room (I don't know which, and really aren't they all just sex stations at this point?) along with a disheveled nurse and he's totally caught by Callie. She guesses correctly that Sloan hasn't called but Mark blusters that he's moved on; Callie points out that graduating from moping in sweats all day is progress, not sleeping with every pretty thing on two legs that comes through the door. Mark counters, "Well, I wouldn't have to sleep with nurses if you'd put out." I really like her and Arizona together but... man, she and Mark were HOT and I'm not going to deny that I miss their hookups. She reminds him that she's in a committed loving relationship and he brushes it off, having tried it and failed. He can barely walk in a straight line, his head is whipping around to check out any girl that walks by, but he manages to follow Callie to look at a head CT.
Once he arrives he finds Alex with Derek in the control room and thunders at the resident to get the hell out. Derek is confused and Callie explains that he and Lexie hooked up once when she and Mark broke up. Derek looks for a second like he's about to mention that it's been more than once, but winds up keeping quiet and Mark gripes that you don't sleep with another man's girl. He saves himself from being totally, absolutely hypocritical by adding that he learned that the hard way, and Derek congratulates him on the save. There's more banter about him sleeping with the nurses and Derek actually looks surprised at his buddy's actions -- apparently becoming Chief sucked all of the common sense and knowledge of his lifelong friend right out of his head. Mark claims he can sleep with whomever he wants and when Derek protests, Mark asks if he's going to fire him. Callie breaks into the pissing match to focus on the task at hand and as soon as the scan is up, Mark comments that the woman is deaf. Derek and Callie are amazed at how he could guess that, and Mark explains that she's got extra bone growth in her ear that he can take out super easily when Callie is done with the knee surgery. It takes Derek a few moments to really wrap his mind around his slutty friend's statement but Mark reminds him, "I'm that good," and then asks if Derek really wants to fire him. Callie is fed up with the silly man-fighting because she is a woman and we can all see that this is ridiculous and they should just whip out rulers already, but Derek just smiles.
Keeping up Seattle Grace Mercy West's reputation as the least professional and appropriate medical institution around, Jackson has been allowed to stay in the OR and watch his grandfather's surgery despite the rule about family. Richard is making chitchat like it's no big thing that Harper is checking out his own intestines, and Harper asks Mere if he can ask her a personal question. When she agrees, he asks, if Ellis was still alive, would Mere have chosen to study somewhere else that wasn't as high quality just to avoid the "advantages of her legacy?" Mere knows a trap when she sees it and stalls, while Jackson jumps in to ask Richard a question about a particular method he might use during this surgery.
Up in the observation deck, there's general bitching by Cristina, Lexie and Alex about Jackson's being allowed to be down there and Harper's personal request for Mere to join in as well. Alex decides that a quickie might help his mood but when he tries to convince Lexie to go grab "a bite" she tries to shove him off to prove to nearby Cristina that she doesn't have feelings for him. It doesn't entirely make sense because if it's sex without feelings as she insists, she could just... go have sex, but I guess she's trying to cut it off completely for now and Alex is miffed. Charles then walks in to provide his usual few seconds to the episode -- Cristina bitches at him for blocking her view and then mocks him for letting the daredevil die. Charles takes immense pleasure in reporting that the guy didn't die and that Charles personally got his heart function back so that now he's an organ donor. Before you can say "shady maneuver," she bolts from the gallery as Derek comes in to watch. At that moment below, alarms start to ring and Richard tries to keep Harper calm while he figures out what is going on.
Meanwhile, Mark has gone to deliver the good news about Mom's ear, and while he talks to Daughter mom shouts in the background to try and find out what's going on. Daughter can't believe that all this time she just needed to force her mom to go to the doctor, but Callie tries to change her course of thinking and assures her that now all that matters is that Mom's hearing can be restored after Callie operates on her knee. She's totally thankful, and as she heaps praise on Mark she starts giving him sexy eyes, and he's happy to give right back. He hugs her and stops just short of feeling up her ass in front of her mother, and then when Daughter goes and talks to Mom Callie whispers a warning not to sleep with her. Mark seems bummed at that suggestion but then is immediately called over to give Mom the happy news himself, all full of charm as he yells the good news.
Things are tense down in Harper's surgery and when Jackson asks if he should be put out Harper tries to protest but starts slurring his words. Fortunately, Richard then finds the bleeder and everything returns to normal. Harper seems a bit subdued but when Richard asks a nurse for silk sutures Harper snaps back into usual form and orders him not to go cheap, and to use chromic sutures instead of silk. Richard is a little put out but goes along with it while Jackson gripes that Harper obviously is doing just fine.
Where did Cristina run off to, you ask? Well when Lexie responds to her page, she finds Cristina in a dark room (because possibly illegal medical procedures are best performed with little light) with a pair of lungs on a table under a big glass bubble. Lexie is appalled at Cristina stealing lungs but Cristina promises that these had been rejected by the transplant team and she merely redirected them when they were on their way to medical waste. She then asks if Lexie wants to be a badass and help her do the ex vivo procedure, and Lexie excitedly agrees -- no stranger to questionable, dark-room medical procedures herself. What neither of them notices is that Charles is watching them through the window. Honestly, why is he still on the show? This role could have been filled by anyone, which could be said for all of his storylines (if you could even call them that) this season. He's there only to help transitions from one scene or story to another, and it's gotten to be obvious and painful that he's just dead weight. I can't imagine this actor, Robert Baker, is thrilled that he got his chance to be on a big network show and this is what he was given. There are just way too many characters on this show right now and they are going to have to start doing some trimming.
Teddy and Hunt run into each other at one of the nurses' stations and are so nervous they do that thing where both start talking at the same time and keep doing it over and over. After talking about work Hunt pauses for an awkward beat and finally suggests that she come over for dinner sometime because while Cristina doesn't cook (my kind of girl) he makes a good lasagna. She agrees, and he seems happy but slightly terrified that she actually said yes. There's another awkward pause which is then broken by his pager and he runs gratefully off. Charles then walks up to Teddy and immediately starts in whining about how he knows that she loves Cristina but those lungs belong to his patient. Teddy is confused and asks him just what lungs he might be talking about.
And cut to an enraged Teddy reading Cristina the riot act for using Teddy's name to steal some lungs. Cristina tries to justify it and Lexie stands up for her by pointing out that the lungs were going to be thrown out, so Cristina was just, "being green." This doesn't console Teddy, who is then pissed about how they're spending thousands of the hospital's dollars on a procedure no one has tried before. As she's yelling, everything clicks into place and she realizes that Cristina is doing this all because Harper Avery is there. To be fair, I would think that Cristina would do this kind of thing just because, and it's just an added bonus that Harper is there. But that is part of Cristina's motivation and she asks Teddy why it's a bad thing before assuring her she can do this surgery. Teddy yells back that her need to win means her priorities are screwy. While Cristina thinks awards push people to be better, Teddy thinks it pushes them to be monsters and I have to say I think it's a little of both. But Lexie manages to cut their argument short when she calls their attention to the fact that whatever they did worked, and the lungs are viable and creepily breathing under the glass.
Teddy then tells Elliott about the lungs but warns him it's a huge risk as it's never been done here and there's no telling if his body could even handle it. He asks Arizona if she recommends it but Arizona defers to Teddy since she's his surgeon this time, though it looks like it pains her to not give her opinion. Jill is back in Full Bitch Mode and knocks the lungs as "hand-me-downs" and when Cristina tries to tell her they are good she pouts that they are just going to sit back and wait for good lungs like Elliott deserves. It's sweet that she's looking out for him, but dude, has she not actually heard anything the docs have said, and has she not noticed that Elliott's lips are grey? By the time your lips are grey, things aren't looking too rosy. He says virtually the same thing but he's much nicer about it, telling her gently that she's been fighting for so long she doesn't realize this is his one chance. He tells her that he's ready for this, and his affairs are in order in case things go wrong, but she doesn't want to hear about his affairs. When he asks if this is his best shot, Teddy admits it's his only shot, and so he puts his hand out to his sister, she grudgingly takes it while shooting scary death glares at the doctors, and he tells the docs to do it.
Callie has nearly finished fixing Mom's knee when Mark walks in to the OR, and upon seeing Alex bellows at him to get out. Callie thinks he's out of line but Alex is more comfortable just leaving on account of Mark's "serial killer eyes," and once he's gone Callie tells Mark in no uncertain terms that enough is enough. Mark just thinks it's funny that he scared Alex, but his face slips just a bit when he realizes that Callie is truly upset with him and she calls him sad and pathetic. She warns him that he has a choice now, to make Sloan leaving the best or worst thing that ever happened to him. His choices are to grow up and find a woman and have a baby of his own, or he can be the asshole doctor who abuses residents and sleeps his way through the entire staff. What she's describing is actually pretty much who he was before Lexie, and look how well that worked out -- the nurses all got together and ganged up on him for being such a manwhore. Callie orders him to pick one, and he just stares back at her, in shock that she's so serious.
Alex has joined the other residents and they all are hounding Jackson to meet his grandfather, but he's totally against it. Alex tries to bribe him with possible friendship, while Charles flashes him some hospital gang signs as he asks what happened to Mercy West forever? Jackson points out that this wasn't a thing, and though Charles is right now just trying to score an invite, I'm pretty sure for him it was a thing. He shoos them all out of the locker room and then plops down with a dramatic sigh while Meredith does research at a nearby table. She glances up at him and it's the opening he was looking for to complain to the only person who would understand about how much he hates it when people know they are related because they treat him differently. He grudgingly admits that having the name has also helped him out but tells her that Harper is not an easy man even though he's brilliant. Mere just gives him a very understanding smile, and then he gets a 9-1-1 page and they both dash upstairs to Harper's room.
He's not actually having an emergency -- rather, he's reading a magazine and wanted to finish up the talk he and Jackson were having at dinner when he fell ill. He's happy that Meredith is there, and she beams until she realizes that he wants an answer to the question he asked her in the OR. He asks her, more specifically this time, if a spot were being held for her at the best hospital in the country, would she turn it down? She stutters, not sure what to say, and Jackson jumps in to explain that Harper has been saving him a spot as Mass Gen ever since he graduated from med school, and that this trip was to try once again to talk him in to accepting it. Harper reminds him it's a great opportunity but Jackson snaps and yells that he doesn't want the spot and doesn't want to work for his grandfather, and that's enough of that subject. Harper, obviously not used to being challenged, yells right back that he decides when Jackson has had enough and while he might be arrogant and overbearing, he's Jackson's only living grandfather and realizes his time could be coming. That time could even be now, as he passes out and alarms start blaring, and Jackson and Mere spring to action and yell for a crash cart.
Once he's stable, a CT shows that there is some sort of complication from the surgery, and Derek tells Harper that Richard is going to fix him. Harper has been weakened but he's still a bona fide control freak and announces that they aren't putting him out because clearly a mistake was made, and he's going to make sure that doesn't happen again. Derek, however, picked up a spine on his way in and tells Harper that this is his hospital and Harper will abide by his rules and will be put under for surgery while Jackson waits outside like any other family member. He adds that if Harper refuses, he'll have him declared unfit to make his own medical decisions. He adds, with quite a bite in his tone, "That is how a Chief does things. Take note."
Out in the hall, Richard is starting to wilt and he tells Derek to have Bailey do it, since he's terrified he made a mistake the first time that caused this. He wants a drink, not the life of a world-renowned surgeon depending on him. He pleads with Derek but after thinking a moment, Derek tells him instead that Bailey will assist, and that two months earlier he would have actually had a drink rather than just admit he wanted one. He pats Richard on the shoulder and says that he can do it -- it comes off less condescending than it sounds, but still has a touch of Derek's infuriating smugness to it. Richard just slumps.
Mark is out of surgery, and while Mom sleeps he talks to crying Daughter, projecting all of his own feelings onto her situation. He tells her he understands that she got used to being the one person her mom could count on and now she's just supposed to move on. She agrees, but then corrects that she's not going to miss any of it, because she wasted years being miserable. Now she can move out, move on, and even have men over -- "Men that look like you," she says with quite the suggestive tone. Oh honey, you'll never get him as far as your house -- you're lucky if he takes you to a room with an actual bed in it. Mom woke up somewhere during this and corrects that she was taking care of her daughter, calling her a little tramp. Daughter realizes what that means and happily tells her mom that she can hear now. After a moment she realizes, and they laugh and try out her "new" ears with Mom reminding Daughter that no one asked her to move in, and that Mom let her because Daughter had just gotten a divorce and needed some TLC. Daughter happily then tells her mom she's moving out, and Mark watches the whole scene, maybe realizing that he'll be totally fine without his bratty, selfish, immature daughter around.
In another OR, Teddy, Cristina and Lexie take out Elliot's disgusting, blue-black lungs that look all the worse with the new pink ones in a bowl right to them. Teddy starts to panic when something won't hold, and gets out her frustration by ranting about awards, and how they just make people more competitive than better. As she rants, Cristina mumbles something and when Teddy demands to know what it was, she offers a solution to the problem Teddy is having at this stage of the surgery. Teddy replies, "No," and it looks like she's going to lay into Cristina directly... but actually she just comes up with an even better solution and gets back to work, asking Cristina to help.
Out in the waiting room, Jill waits and Jackson joins her, clearly uncomfortable and not used to waiting around like a regular old family member.
Richard and Bailey are rooting around in Harper's innards and seem rather cheerful as they point out all the problems going on, much to Mere's confusion. Richard explains to her that this all shows that Harper was allergic to the chromic sutures on which he insisted earlier, and that he would have never known he had the allergy since he always handled them while wearing gloves. Mere realizes that Richard couldn't have possibly known this either, and he tells her that's why he's smiling behind his mask -- ah, the incredibly satisfying, "I told you so," smile. He then confidently asks a nurse to hand over the silk sutures he was going to use in the first place.
In the OR, Teddy declares it the moment of truth for the lungs and tells the nurse to take Elliott off bypass. She whispers pleas for him to breathe, but we go to commercial with a shot of the very still, totally-not-yet breathing lungs sitting in his chest cavity.
The thing we see is Jill crying while the doctors all watch her with serious faces but... fakeout! After spending hours trying to prepare herself for her brother to die, it turns out he's going to be okay (barring any complications) and they happily escort her back to see him. Mere then walks out to Jackson and tells him that Harper is going to be fine after his allergic reaction. Jackson chuckles and gets some bitter joy out of it being his fault, which is all Mere can take. She understands the about legacy and the famous family member that he didn't ask for, but she calls him on his putting up walls and not even wanting to introduce him to his friends. She said she was the same way with Ellis but if Ellis was there now she'd want to learn from her, and he still has the opportunity. I'm not sure I believe this 100% -- I think if Ellis was still alive Mere might still have some very real issues with her -- but it still gets to Jackson. I also strongly disagree with her advice because that implies he might leave Seattle for Massachusetts, and seriously if we lose his hotness but have to keep Charles, I'm going to throw something at my television.
Alex has found a good hiding spot from Mark -- he's doing research at a table in the locker room when Lexie bursts in and tells him happily about suggesting this procedure and doing a successful surgery. Alex doesn't seem to hear her, he just cuts her off and asks if she told Mark they were together. She's stunned, and he goes on to say she's great in bed but don't use him to make Mark jealous. Lexie finds her voice and assures him that she didn't tell Mark and isn't trying to make anyone jealous. Given Marks boorish behavior, Alex has a hard time believing her but she just gives him a speech about how she's doing this just for herself that has nothing to do with feelings for anyone -- Alex makes her not feel, and if he doesn't want to be used for sex she'll find someone who does. He just goes back to work and she shows that she still is a feeling person by starting to say she knows he's had a hard time lately and he cuts her right off and orders her not to get mushy. That said, he's got a free 20 minutes, "You wanna go not have feelings somewhere?" Since there are no witnesses, she looks quite interested in not having feelings with him for a bit.
Arizona and Teddy are in the hall looking into Elliott's room and Arizona sees Hunt walk up before Teddy does. She tells Teddy that it's bad form to cancel on friends which briefly confuses her, but then she sees Hunt too and assures Arizona that she'll be there in 15 minutes. They talk about her surgery and Teddy says that Cristina was amazing, but adds that she'll kill him if he tells her that. Their conversations are filled with awkward pauses and after one of them, Hunt asks if she wants to go get a beer to celebrate. She tells him she's got ladies' night and is a little scared, but says goodnight and takes off. She seems more comfortable with telling him that than I would have expected, but when he pauses (again) and then tells the air that he'll see her tomorrow, he seems a little confused or possibly miffed. Oh show, don't go there, just let this be an actual friendship, we've already been through enough, okay? Mere VO's, "No matter how many plans we make, or steps we follow, we never know how our day is going to end up.
"We'd prefer to know, of course, what curveballs will be thrown our way." Honestly, it's a wonder that the hospital hasn't run out of condoms yet. Alex walks out of an on-call room and Mark calls after him; Alex immediately says that Lexie isn't his girlfriend but Mark is there to actually call a truce, and says that he'll stop yelling at him and kicking him out of ORs. Mark's word is going to be tested, though, because Lexie chooses that moment to walk out of the same room while putting her coat back on. They say "hi," and there's a lot of looking back and forth until finally Mark shakes his head, sighs, and walks off. Okay seriously, this isn't a double standard anymore, it's a gazillion standard given how many women Mark has slept with just TODAY.
"It's the accidents that always turn out to be the most interesting parts of our day. Of life." Richard is checking in on Harper post-surgery and Harper asks him about some research he did on regenerative medicine. Richard admits he shelved it for a while when he got busy; Harper replies that it put him on the short list for his award a number of times. Showing more human feeling than he has since we met him, he suggests that maybe it's time for Richard to dust it off. Richard agrees, with a lift in his voice that suggests this might be a really great opportunity that he hadn't considered before. Mere VO's, "The people we never expected to show up." That's the cue for Jackson to walk in and in a much less combative tone than he's used all day, tells Harper he'd like to introduce some friends if he's up for it. Harper of course is up for it, and when Jackson calls them in Cristina practically sprints to the bed to shake Harper's hand and make up for that morning. She snaps a quick picture of them together before he even knows what's happening, and then Lexie, Alex and Charles all introduce themselves as well.
"The turn of events we never would have chosen for ourselves." Well, Derek would have chosen to be Chief, just maybe not in the way it actually happened. He, Mark and Hunt are all playing mini basketball in his office. Derek tells them he told off one of his heroes so he can do anything, but proceeds to miss his shot. Hunt talks about Teddy's incredible lung surgery, and then misses his shot. Mark rounds it out by admitting he slept with his patient's daughter just now, and Derek rolls his eyes to the heavens. He assures Derek it was after he restored Mom's hearing, so he doesn't have to worry and then he unconvincingly promises not to do it again before of course missing his shot as well. There's a knock at the door and Richard walks in, so Derek immediately dismisses the other two guys and Mark hands Richard the basketball on his way out.
Richard thinks a moment before reminding Derek that he had to pee in a cup that morning, and admits that it was totally humiliating and that the reason he agreed to the awake surgery was because he needed to feel something other than that humiliation. Derek seems to actually understand, and assures Richard that tomorrow is another day. Richard turns to leave but before he goes, turns back and shoots the basketball, naturally making it when the young bucks could not. So he's going to be okay. Mere narrates, "All of a sudden you find yourself somewhere you never expected to be. And it's nice...
"Or it takes some getting used to." Arizona and Callie are cuddling, and Arizona is having a hard time getting used to the fact that she was outvoted and instead of dancing or bowling, the girls are back at the baseball diamond hitting balls like they did right after the merger. Callie loves it, especially the delighted look on Bailey's face as she keeps desperately trying to hit a ball. Mere and Cristina are there as well and Cristina says happily that she is in love with Teddy, so Meredith says she's just like Lexie with inappropriate feelings for inappropriate people. Cristina counters that, "My heart lives in my scalpel." We all have to carry it somewhere. She walks up to Teddy as someone shouts awesomely to Bailey that she just has to be taller -- at least they refrained from calling her a minnow this time. Bailey finally hits it and they all rejoice. Cristina then tells Teddy that it's her turn. Mere tells us, "Still, you know you'll find yourself appreciating it somewhere down the line. So you go to sleep each night thinking about tomorrow. Going over your plans, preparing your lists..." Cristina tries to pump Teddy up by telling her how hitting the ball will feel like her first incision, while she puts the helmet on Teddy's head. Teddy assures Cristina that she's done this before and sure enough, she knocks it out of the park on the first try, and the incredibly fake looking ball comes right at the camera and takes us to black for the week as Mere finishes up, "...and hoping whatever accidents come your way will be happy ones." The girls all cheer and at the same time... did I hear a baby cry? Or was that just an unusual cheer? I listened to that about five times and each time heard what sounded very much like a baby cry corresponding with Meredith's comments about happy accidents. Oh my, I'm not sure we need a baby on top of the eighty-five or so featured characters already on this show. We'll see what happens.
Find out who will be guest-starring on the final episodes of Grey's this season.