Yesterday

Well, nothing much happens in this episode. Oh, except for the fact that Mark, Addison's partner in infidelity, shows up and spills some uncomfortable truths about the Shepard-Montgomery union and McDreamy slams him one across the face. Hoo-ah! Mark declares that he's still in love with Addison and that Addison isn't being straight with McDreamy about the affair, and Addison says she's in love with her husband, and Mark thinks that's really too bad because it's pretty damn clear that her husband is NOT in love with her. Man, that's a lot of truth for one episode.

Our lessons in the forms of patients this week are Dying Vengeful Guy, Spontaneous Orgasm Girl and Plucky Lionitis Boy. I haven't quite figured out what all their actual lessons are or to whom they're directed, but I think Vengeful Guy's lesson is "Don't swallow your anger and emotions because one day you'll have to let them out"; Orgasm Girl's is "Orgasms are great, but not 24/7 and during church"; and Lionitis Boy's is "Be happy with what you have because the risk to change it could kill you and then where will you be?" But I'm just guessing here.

In the vastly entertaining personal lives of the Medicine Pit doctors, Burke finds out that Cristina is keeping her apartment and he's less than pleased, but then she gives it up and eats Chinese food in bed so Burke's mollified; George bitches incessantly about how he saw Meredith first and has always been there for her and therefore she should love him, not McDreamy, but all he does is stutter a date request at her, which she totally ignores; and Meredith confronts her twenty-year-absent father out of the damn blue in order to tell him…that she doesn't need anything from him, like, ever. Guess that Grey family reunion is out of the question, huh?

And, to wrap it all up, George finally finally FINALLY confronts Meredith about his undying love for her and instead of falling down laughing, Mere just puts her hands on his waist and…removes his shirt. And we go to black before discovering if George and Meredith get to know each other in the biblical sense BUT YOU KNOW THEY TOTALLY DO.

In the previouslys, instead of covering the bomb exploding and McDreamy telling Mere that he's glad she didn't die, we get an extended coverage of George's long-term lusting after Meredith. We get the first day they met and several instances of George announcing how much he digs her, and for more shits and giggles, we get Mere's mom calling George by her husband's name and George learning that he looks like Mere's dad. That little tidbit will rear its ugly head at the end of this episode, by the way, and you'll remember this moment and go, "Ewwwwwwwww!" Trust me on this. Oh, and we get a mention of Burke telling Meredith that he and Cristina moved in together and then McDreamy telling Meredith that he walked in on his wife and his best friend Mark in bed together. Man, that's a lot of acreage to cover in 2.5 seconds…

Hee. Oh, hee. Sorry. I love this scene. We open on Cristina, frugging around the apartment with her iPod as she brushes her teeth. Her dancing is awesomely silly and sexy at the same time. Meredith's "Message of the Week" voice-over states that there's no such thing as a grownup. I guess we have tonight's theme, then, huh? So, Cristina dances and shrugs and spills toothpaste all over the floor and Burke enters from his morning run and stares at her. She freezes and then hilariously chooses to start shaking her groove thang across the floor toward him and he's all, oh no no no and she doesn't care and tries taking off his jacket and he's pretending to resist until all of a sudden, he starts dancing too and his dancing is brilliantly awful and they're both having such a good time that I don't want the phone to ring with Cristina's landlord calling to tell her that her apartment is flooded. But the phone rings and Burke answers and her apartment is flooded and she's not supposed to HAVE an apartment and, well, Burke's dancing shoes fall off his feet faster than you can say, "Don't spit toothpaste in the kitchen sink, Cristina, YOU SLOB."

Meredith goes to visit her mom and as the voice-over blah blahs about being an adult and how you think you're all grown up and mature and then your mother says something about how she's exhausted because she was banging someone all night in the on-call room and your lofty ideas of becoming an adult come crashing down around you. Mere tries to get her mother to stop talking about how her secret on-call lover makes her growl like a tiger and purr like a kitten, but Ellis is on a role, and she mentions that her husband has no idea why she's no longer interested in him and that if he had any balls at all, he'd leave on his own.

Medicine Pit Locker Room. The Medicine Crüe is getting ready for the day ahead as Meredith sits there, stunned at her mother's revelations. Cristina enters, gibbering about how maintaining one's old apartment is not a capital crime akin to illegal organ harvesting, and Meredith levels her with an "Are you sure he's not just angry with you because you lied about moving in?" Cristina's floored. "Okay, what's wrong with you?" "My mommy's a filthy whore," whines Mere. Hee. Also hee is Alex and Izzie's exchange at the lockers. Izzie: "You have dirty in your eyes." Alex: "You have dirty in your eyes." Izzie: "I'm not doing dirty with you anymore. It was a one-time lapse in judgment." Alex: "Well, it was a four-time lapse in judgment." Hee hee hee.

Izzie declares that they're never screwing again because they're friends and when they tried to be more than friends, it didn't work, so…no more sex. Alex is like, oooooh. Okay. He totally thinks they'll be screwing by the commercial break. I totally think that too. He tells her to stop looking at him and she's all, I'm not looking at you sexily. And he's all, who said anything about sexily? And she's all, sex? Did you say sex? Oh, okay, fine. Let's have sex. And Alex is all, I thought you said no sex? And Izzie is all, more sex? You want more sex? Okay. Let's have more sex. They head off to get their morning rounds in before they head to the linen closet to partake in some more of the dirty sex they're not supposed to be having.

Our first Lesson of the Episode comes in the form of a patient I shall refer to as Bitter Dying Guy. Bitter Dying Guy has a severe form of lung cancer and is not responding to any treatment. He's been admitted for a radical surgery that, unfortunately, he has a 25% chance of surviving. Burke tells the guy that if he doesn't want to go through the surgery, they can make him more comfortable, but Bitter Dying Guy just says that he's dying, so good luck trying to make him more comfortable. He'll take the surgery, thanks.

Elsewhere in the hospital, George is quizzing Izzie on how he looks. How's his hair? Breath? Shoes? Pecs? Izzie's like, JUST TALK TO HER ALREADY GEORGE OH MY GOD. Amen, Izzie. Just then, Bailey walks up with her…baby? Good Lord. Did she give birth to a two-year-old? Child was just born a week ago and it's upright and gurgling and practically shaving. The hell? Bailey's still trying to run the hospital with a baby in her arms and she asks if the ORs are up and running and how Meredith is doing and Izzie asks when Tucker is going home and…that's the only mention of last week's bomb that we get for the rest of the episode. That's it. That's all. BOOM! And…a three-line mention. The Continuity Fairy must be on a tequila-soaked vacation in Cozumel, is all I'm thinking. I can't be too annoyed by this, though, because Bailey goes from coochie-coo talk with the baby to "get your sorry intern asses to work" snottery back to coochie-coo talk in the blink of an eye. "Do it now!" she snaps at her interns. They run off. "Dwooo it naaah," she mimics herself to her gargantuan infant. Heh. I love her.

Our second Patient As Lesson is a young boy named Jake with chronic headaches who has craniodiaphyseal dysplasia, or "lionitis." Ever see the movie Mask? Yeah. Jake has the same thing Rocky Dennis did. And, just like Rocky, Jake is sassy and sweet and when he catches Cristina kind of staring at him, he totally calls her on it. She can't stop looking at him, and not in a clinical way. He tells her to think of him as a lion and that'll make it easier for her to look at him. McDreamy asks Cristina to tell him what their immediate concerns are, and she tells him that they should be worried that the bones of Jake's skull are growing inward and encroaching on his brain. But none of that matters right now because we're about to meet McHottie O'Hotterson.

Mere's hanging out by a counter somewhere and up walks Eric Dane who, my sources tell me, used to act really, really badly on a little program about three bitchy witches. And saying someone acts badly on that show is like saying that Shaquille O'Neal has a lazy eye that everyone notices EXCEPT HIM. Aaaaanyway, Eric Dane walks right up to Mere as if he knows her and he reads over her shoulder as she's filling out paperwork on Bitter Dying Guy. He comments that BDG is a "goner" and Mere, instead of being like, uh, stop reading over my shoulder, you totally hot man, just says, "Insensitivity -- I like that in a stranger." She also likes leather and scruffy facial hair, which this dude has in spades. Mere stalks off and Eric Dane follows, babbling something about how the rain makes him want to stay in bed all day. "We just met and already you're talking about bed? Very subtle," she chastises, although it's clear that she thinks he's smoldering. Of course, he could be brandishing a pickaxe and dragging along the corpse of the last woman he killed and she'd probably still think he's smoldering. I'm just saying, if the guy looked like a Malvin, she'd have shoved him off by now, you know? But he's cute, therefore she's actually flirting with this total stranger.

As he asks her if she ever goes out with coworkers, we see Derek getting a glimpse of the action from inside an office and Addison getting her own glimpse as she comes up the hallway. Meredith lies that she makes it a rule not to date her coworkers and Dane smarms that it's a good thing he doesn't work here then. Ew. Bad lines only work from hot guys. To prove my point, Meredith grinningly asks if he's flirting with her in a hospital and he says that, duh, yeah, he is and George floppily watches all this from behind some blinds and Meredith actually holds out her hand to shake Dane's and WHAM! McDreamy decks him a solid right hook and then shakes the pain off his hand with a mild "Owwww." Hee. "What the hell was that?" asks Mere. "That was Mark," rasps McDreamy. Commercials.

Chief's Office of For God's Sake DIVORCE ALREADY Married Couples. Addison plops a bag of ice on Derek's hand as the Chief chews him out for punching someone on his surgical floor. He wants someone to tell him what the hell is going on and Derek shoots Addison a glance like, "Gone tell him, bizzotch." Addison grimaces and spits the story out piece by piece, obviously uncomfortable with having to tell her boss and friend that the guy Derek punched was the guy she cheated on Derek with. "We were all close friends," she says as Derek glares at her. "Until…Derek found us in bed together." The Chief leans down to Derek. "You put your weight behind it?" Heh. Derek says he did. "Well, all right then," says the Chief, and walks out. Heh heh. Derek asks Addison what the hell Mark is doing at their hospital, and she claims to have no idea.

"Derek and I always did have the same taste in women," says Mark as Mere treats his facial cut. What, did Derek hit him with his fraternity ring? Or does he have brass knuckles imbedded in his fists? That's a mighty big cut for a punch from a doctor who's probably never hit anything harder than a chest with a dead heart in it. When Mere is like, the huh? Mark says, "You're Derek's lusty intern, aren't you?" He heard about her all the way in New York. She says she heard about him all the way in Seattle, so they must have a lot in common. "We're the dirty mistresses," Mark sums up neatly. "I suppose we are," says Meredith. "My 400-dollar-an-hour shrink says it's because behind this rugged and confident exterior, I'm self-destructive and self-loathing to an almost pathological degree," he says. "Heeeey! We do have a lot in common!" snarks Mere. Heh.

As Mere continues to swab Mark's gaping facial wound, he mentions that when Derek caught him and Addie in bed together, he just walked out without a word. "But he catches me as much as talking to you," he says, "and I'm on the ground bleeding. Interesting, don't you think?" Yes, Mark. I think that's very interesting. I also think your facial hair is interesting, as is the mental picture I have running through my brain of you wearing nothing but your facial hair and a sexy smile. Very interesting, indeed. Mere goes to give him stitches and he's all, uh, hold the phone, sweetheart. I'll handle this. And then he proceeds to give himself stitches.

Outside the room, the rest of the Medicine Crüe watches as Mark stitches away at his face. "Why is he suturing his own face?" asks George. "To turn me on?" volleys Cristina. Heh. Alex pipes up that Mark is the go-to plastic surgeon on the East Coast and George gasps, "That's the guy Addison was sleeping with?" "Can't really blame her, can you?" interjects Izzie. "Noooo," says Cristina, mentally undressing Mark with her eyes and then making him do a rhinoplasty while she watches. Mere walks out and says that "McSexy" wants to get x-rays taken of his face and she thinks it's a bad idea for her to take him and George is all, why why why why why is it a bad idea notice me notice me notice me and everyone wisely ignores him and Alex runs off to take Mark to radiology. "'McSexy'?" queries Cristina. "No?" wonders Mere. "'McYummy'?" offers Izzie. "No," say Mere and Cristina in unison. Mere gets a flash of genius. "'McSteamy.'" "Ah!" says Izzie. "There it is!" says Cristina. The girls all turn to stare at McSteamy and George kind of hiccups and goes, "Oh! Excuse me. I'm just choking on some McVomit." Heeeee. I just realized that I recap the dialogue on this show more than I do on other shows, but it's because of scenes like this that I just have to. And typing out the lines doesn't really do them justice; it's all in the delivery, my friends.

A bit later, George is yammering on about how he saw Meredith first and how she's his his HIS and pressssscious and all that and Izzie's ignoring him as she blathers on about how you know how you don't have sex for a while and you kind of forget how awesome it is and you don't really need it as much? George looks over at her. "Yeah, that doesn't happen to guys." Heh. So true. Izzie says that sex is like this beast that was asleep for a really long time but now it's awake and it wants to be fed and the food that Alex was feeding it, well, it was prime fucking rib, dammit! And George strangles Izzie with the tie on the back of her surgical scrubs and tells her that they need to do something about her taste. Yes, George, you certainly do. You could start by getting her to go out with that sexy guy with the bum ticker. That'd do me juuuuust fine, thanks. Izzie thinks George is just jealous because his beast is asleep and George lamely argues that his beast never sleeps!

Bitter Dying Guy's Room of Angst and Decades-Long Vitriol. Mere stops by to check on BDG and he's futzing with a camcorder. She asks if he needs a hand and he asks her to set up the tripod. She asks him what he's doing, and he says he's dying, so he wants to record some goodbye messages. She offers to hold the camera and gets him in frame for his first teary and loving adieu. "This is a message for Suzie Selman, my college sweetheart and the love of my life," he begins as plinky plunky music plays on the soundtrack. "Suzie, I loved you with my whole heart. And I never would've stopped loving you…if you hadn't been the vilest whore to walk the planet earth." Mere squints at him in alarm. BDG goes on to tell Suzie that she deserves that drunken asshole she slept with and then married and that her children are ugly and troll-like. "I am so deeply happy that I'll never have to see your face again," he concludes. Then, as an afterthought, "Love, Chuck." Nice. Meredith cocks an eyebrow and wonders why she's helping this misanthrope after all.

X-Ray Room of Hot Doctors and Hot Doctor Wannabes. Mark and Alex are looking at Mark's film while Alex butters him up about the great plastic surgery he's done. Mark asks if Alex is interested in plastics and Alex says hell yeah he is. Seriously, why wouldn't Alex be interested in something that gives women bigger boobs and less cellulite? Mark tells him to consider a transfer to New York or L.A. because he won't see any heat in Seattle. And that's when Alex mentions Jake and his lionitis. Mark practically drools in anticipation.

It's time for our third Patient as Lesson. Down in the ER, George and Izzie are receiving a female patient who's been brought in because witnesses thought they saw her having seizures after a minor car accident. The woman says that she doesn't think she needs to be there, and Izzie and George start asking her if she's prone to seizures or if she has epilepsy. "It's not epilepsy," says the woman. "Oh no. Oh god. It's happening again." And she starts moaning and groaning and emitting these little squeaky sounds and…we have orgasm, people! ["Again?" -- Sars] George and Izzie stand there with their jaws hanging open and looking like they've never seen someone spontaneously orgasm without the aid of battery-operated items. "Was that a --" says the paramedic. "Did she just have a --" says George. "Orgasm," gasps Izzie. Spontaneous Orgasm Girl just makes this fabulous "I'm so sorry I just came but I honestly can't help it" face, and we go to commercials so that we can smoke a cigarette and bask in the glow of total relaxation and bliss…

Addison's brought in to consult on the case. She asks Spontaneous Orgasm Girl how long this has been happening; she says it's been about a month and between seven and eight times a day, every day. "EVERY DAY?!" Izzie spews. Addie's like, chill, Sexalicious. Izzie quickly puts her doctor face back on. Addie asks why SOG hasn't been to a doctor about this and George is all, dude! Spontaneous orgasms aren't really something you want to cure! Addie once again has to curb the leg-humping interns. Suddenly, an older man shows up calling out a name and SOG is all, you called my FATHER? Since he was her emergency contact, yes, they called him. And she's like, DOES HE REALLY NEED TO BE HERE FOR THIS? He's concerned that she was in an accident and she says she's the one who caused the accident and he's like, because of your, um, and she saves him by saying that, yes, one of her "episodes" occurred. Speaking of episodes, she's about to have another one, right in front of her daddy. Good God. Her dad blabbles something about his daughter's academic standing at U-Dub as she writhes and moans on the bed. Addison speed-talks something about administering some tests on the girl in order to get to the bottom of her "episodes," and then she skitters out along with everyone else because things like orgasms and pee-pee embarrass professional doctors.

Bitter Dying Guy's Room of Angst and Decades-Long Vitriol. BDG's still bitching into the video camera that Mere's still holding and there's a stack of about twenty-five tapes sitting on the dinner tray. BDG yells something about how he liked a girl and his brother took her anyway and Mere, disgusted, finally pipes up that his brother was fourteen, for god's sake! BDG asks her to rewind the tape a bit and she refuses, saying that she's not a videographer and she has to prep him for surgery. I'm confused -- if she's not a videographer, then what's with the stack of tapes? Was she okay with the first nineteen tapes they made where he screamed at people he hated, but on that last one, well, that was it for her? Or were the tapes pre-labeled and now BDG is just shoving them into the camera so he can get this over with? I don't…help me to understand this because I am at a loss. BDG says that Mere said she'd help him and she says she wanted to help him, but only when she thought he was saying goodbye. He says that none of the people he's making tapes for know how he feels, so he wants to let them know. She asks if he wouldn't rather want to be remembered as a nice man and he succinctly says, "No." Heh.

Over with Plucky Lionitis Jake, Cristina's getting him ready for an MRI and she's nicely trying to tell him about how it gets cramped in there and Jake's like, dude? Not exactly my first time in there, yo. Cristina, exhibiting a softer side of Yang here, kind of laughs softly and says, "Right. Sorry." Jake graciously accepts her apology and then compliments her on her eyes. Cristina shoots him a look and he backtracks a bit, saying that she comes off as all surly and grumpy, but her eyes don't. "I'm big on eyes," he says. "They're the only part of my face where tumors aren't growing." Cristina pulls the sheet up to his chin and genuinely says, "Yeah, you've got nice eyes." "You…you get that I'm jailbait, right?" Jake twits at her. Heh. Cristina laughs and smiles at him and it's a really nice moment.

At approximately the same time, the Chief passes Meredith in a hallway and she decides to ask him if he remembers her father and if he knows why Thatcher left. The Chief lies that he doesn't know and beats a hasty retreat far, far away from Mere. McDreamy and Cristina approach Plucky Jake's hospital room and Derek's surprised to see McSteamy standing inside, apparently discussing cosmetic surgery options with Lionitis Boy and his parents. Derek's all, uh, what the hell are you doing here? Jake's all, dude! This hot doctor says he can fix my face and make me look normal! McSteamy's all, I shall glare at you out of the corner of my eye in a sexy fashion that all the girls will find attractive and all the boys will be mildly threatened by. Bouncy guitar music brings us to the scene, wherein McDreamy and McSteamy rampage at each other in the Chief's office while two thirds of the Medicine Crüe watch from outside.

"What'd he say?" asks Alex. "Did you hear that?" "Did -- did he just call him a crack whore?" says Cristina. Hee. "Whaddya -- he didn't call him a crack --" "Shut up," says Cristina, cutting him off. "I'm trying to read lips." "Shut up, you crack whore," says Alex. Man, I've used "ho," "slut," "cooter," "bitch," and a host of other names when throwing 'tude at my girlfriends, but I have never used "crack whore" before. I plan to use it immediately. I may even have to stop recapping this so that I can call up my friend Megan and call her a crack whore and then hang up the phone. Crack whore is the new black. George shuffles up. "Whaddya got?" Alex tells him it's just the two docs, battling it out over which one of them gets to put his penis in the lusty intern. "Why, whaddya you got?" asks Alex. "Oh, nothing," says George casually. "Just some woman down in the ER…with spontaneous orgasms…" There's a beat and then Alex and George careen off down the hallway with Cristina chasing them and yelling, "Wait wait wait wait!" at their backs. Heeee.

As they run off in search of the G-spot, we switch to the interior of Webber's office and return to our regularly scheduled yelling, already in progress. Derek's all, you can't have the intern! Mark's all, I don't want the intern! I want the wife! And Derek's all, excuse me, haven't you already HAD the wife? And Mark's all, yeah, and it was goooood! And Webber's all, fuck this shit, I'm going to get a tuna melt. Or, you know, Derek just yells at Mark for wanting to operate on a patient of his simply to get published and Mark yells back that he wants to fix the kid's face and Webber just watches them like they're a late-night baby-oil wrestling match on the Playboy Channel and finally says that if Mark can get the parents' consent, he can go ahead with the surgery. My version of this scene is more truthful, but whatever. Mark seems pleased with the outcome of this little powwow, though. "Round Two goes to the jackass," he sneers self-importantly. Heh. It sure does.

The Orgasmatron. (I'm not asking that you love Duran Duran as much as I do or anything, but if you happen to, then you'll know just what an Orgasmatron is and where it first appeared and how hilarious it is.) George, Cristina, and Alex speed into the ER, where SOG is having yet another orgasm. They move over en masse and attempt to witness it, but Addison shows up to draw the curtain around her and spoil their fun. Killjoy. She's all, move along, people. Nothing to see here. They all slink off as Cristina says, "I wonder what McDreamy and McSteamy see in her anyway." "She's McHott," says Alex. "McYeah she is!" says George. Heeeeee. Speaking of McDreamy and McSteamy, Addison runs into them in a hallway and Derek just glares at her and walks off, leaving Mark to face his ex-lover. Unfortunately, she's not interested in seeing him right now, so she turns around and walks away. He follows and yammers at her about how everyone makes mistakes and how somehow he lost his best friend and the woman he loved. Whoa. "Loved"!

Addison's like, dude. Do NOT use the that word, okay? Mark says, "He doesn't know how we felt, does he? He doesn't know you stayed with me after he left? How do you expect to work on a marriage when you can't even be honest with him?" That is such a good point, dude. Thank you! Addison asks what in the hell he wants, and he says he came to take her home with him. "But I'm in love with my husband, Mark," she says unconvincingly. "But he's not in love with you," grits Mark. "He's in love with that intern. And he's not even trying to hide it. Why would you want to stick around for that?" Man. Can Mark hang around this hospital all the time? He's so honest! And dead-on! It's refreshing! And hot! All at the same time!

Lunch with the Medicine Crüe. Alex doesn't believe SOG is really having spontaneous orgasms. Izzie says she is and she saw them. George thinks Alex is just jealous because he hasn't seen them. Alex looks at Izzie with dirty in his eyes. She just grins and blushes and wonders if the linen closet is free. Mere thinks that spontaneous orgasms would solve many problems. "It would! It would!" says George. And then, under his breath, "I think you smell nice too." The what? That? That's his attempt at telling Mere he likes her? Man, he is so weird. Cristina wonders if the orgasms are catching; like, when someone throws up and it makes you want to throw up. Izzie gets dirty all over herself when she says, "Kinda," and then looks at Alex, who just looks back at her from behind a thick veil of dirty. Exasperated, she gets up and declares that she's not hungry and neither is the beast and she stomps off. "'The Beast'?" asks Cristina. "Is that, like, some sly reference to your penis?" "Get your mind outta the gutter, crack whore," says Alex. George, still trying to somehow tell Mere he loves her in between sips of his Diet Coke, repeats Izzie's whole thought about sex and how not having it makes you want it less and everyone at the table just shuts him down with a universal "That never happens to me." "Me neither," says George in this goofy-ass voice. I…what's wrong with him? No, really. His thing for Mere is totally freaky and as adorable as he is, his inability to just be NORMAL around her bugs the hell out of me.

MRI Observation Room. Izzie and George are sitting with the MRI tech as SOG goes through the machine. Oh, and George is STILL talking about Meredith and how he grew his hair out for her. Izzie, ever patient, just tells him that he could try just telling Mere how he feels. But Izzie, then George wouldn't be able to shuffle around mumbling about how he loves Mere the most and complaining that he's done random things like grow out his hair for a woman who A) never asked him to and B) doesn't give a shit. Whatever. Shut up, George. Mere's vagina is apparently the Bermuda Triangle; men go in there and never come out. I'd stay away if I were you. Speaking of vaginas, the MRI guy tells Izzie and George that SOG is moving too much and Izzie tells her to stop moving, but it would seem that she's having yet another orgasm and staying still isn't really possible. George looks bemused, Izzie looks hot and bothered, and MRI Guy looks like he can't wait to go home and write this in a blog.

Time to check in with Plucky Jake. Mark's drawing all over his face with a marker as Cristina watches. The parents enter along with Derek and tell Jake that they're sorry, but the brain surgery is very dangerous and they think he should forget about the cosmetic surgery. Mark pipes up that, as long as Jake is already under for the brain surgery, they might as well do the facial surgery, because putting him under for additional surgery would be excessive. Oh, sure. Because dipping your fingers into someone's brain for several hours and then ripping their face off and sawing through their bones DIRECTLY AFTERWARD isn't excessive at all. Oh ho, no. Jake says that he's almost died a couple of times and that he may die this time too, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want a new face. He begs them to let him be normal for once in his life.

After this touching scene, McDreamy needs a distraction, so he hunts down Meredith in a corner office somewhere so he can confuse her and mess with her mind a little. It's his favorite pastime. Mere's stuffing BDG's videos into envelopes and getting them ready to mail. She says she's fulfilling a dying man's wish to send hate mail to everyone he's ever met. Derek says he understands the impulse. Mere does too. "Why do people cheat?" she asks. "That's a good question," he says. Mere asks why he thinks Addison cheated on him and he says that he was absent from the marriage. Not that that's an excuse or anything. Mere asks if he thinks she would have cheated if they'd had kids and Derek doesn't know. McDreamy looks at her McDreamily, and Mark chooses this precise moment to enter and tell Derek that Jake's ready for surgery. "Oh, I'm sorry," he says with more than a note of snarkiness to his voice. "Am I interrupting something?" Mere and Derek rush to opposite ends of the planet in order to show him that no, he isn't.

The Orgasmatron. SOG is clenching and tensing and Izzie tells her she should relax. Unfortunately, she IS relaxing. Apparently, the orgasms happen when she doesn't relax. She asks if Izzie thinks the doctors can fix this problem. Izzie rather dumbly asks if it would be the worst thing if the doctors couldn't fix it. SOG is like, look, dude, I love sex as much as the person, but I'm not really fond of having an orgasm while I'm standing in line at the deli counter or while I'm at my accountant's or, god forbid, while I'm at CHURCH with my PARENTS. Izzie finally gets it and shows sympathy toward her, and then we switch over to Burke and Mere as they're operating on BDG. Meredith tells Burke about the vitriolic videotapes and how this guy spewed every bad feeling he ever had onto them. Burke asks if she mailed them, and she said she didn't because he was in shock and scared and not himself. Burke tells her that that's not up to her, that the guy asked her to do something for him and she should do it. "If you don't," he says, "it doesn't make you noble. It makes you a liar." Then Burke asks if Mere knew Cristina kept her apartment, and Mere reluctantly says that she did know and that she's sorry. Hovering over the table, BDG's transient soul looks down and shouts, "Hey! How about concentrating on the LUNG on the TABLE in FRONT of you and leave the chit-chat for the dinner table, HUH?"

Later that night, Meredith rings the doorbell of a strange house. Finally, a scruffy man shows up and looks out. After a moment, he seems to realize who she is and he opens the door. They assess each other silently. "She had an affair," says Mere. "Y-yes," says her father. "Why didn't you stay and fight for us?" she asks. He says he did and that he tried. She says he didn't try hard enough. He kind of looks at her like, uh, okay, you waited twenty years to tell me this? In the middle of the night? At my door? What, your email wasn't working? He awkwardly asks her if there's anything she needs and she just says no, she doesn't need anything from him. And then…she leaves. Well, that was effective. Really. What was that scene all about? Ding dong. Hi, Dad. Listen, you suck for leaving my mother who CHEATED on you, and I just wanted to let you know that. Uh, hi, daughter I haven't seen in twenty years because she probably thought I was a lowlife bastard! Now that you know the truth about your mother, could you maybe, I don't know, CUT ME SOME SLACK? Also? time, PHONE FIRST.

Elevator of Angst. Derek enters and hits a button. Addison, who has an uncanny knack for catching every damn elevator her husband happens to be in, shows up just as the doors are closing and gets in. "I haven't seen you all day," she says, trying to warm him up. "I didn't want to see you today," he says. Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about! Addison tells him that it's not her fault that Mark showed up. The elevator doors pop open, and speak of the devil! Mark gets on and tries to talk to Derek and Derek flings himself out of the elevator, saying he'll take the stairs. "Hey, how can you forgive her and not forgive me?" asks Mark. "I didn't forgive her," snaps Derek. "With you, I have no obligation to try!" Burn! Addison looks crushed by what her husband just said. "Your marriage is over, Addison," says Mark. "All you have to do is admit it." He moves toward her and touches her face gently. "I'm goin' to the bar across the street," he says. "Meet me there." He exits, and Addison wonders if she can sleep with Mark again and somehow still save her marriage at the same time. No, Addison. No, you cannot. Now go back to New York and make lots and lots of whoopee with Dr. McSteamy as God intended.

Cristina presents Jake's parents with his restructured face and he looks normal for the first, and last, time in his life. The parents leave and Cristina quietly puts the sheet over Jake's face. Later that night, Cristina's in bed, eating Chinese food and reading a magazine. Burke enters and kind of gives her a look like, why are you eating in my bed? But he doesn't say anything, so Cristina keeps eating. Then he takes off his coat and launches into it. "I am Preston Burke. A widely renowned cardiothoracic surgeon. I am a professional. And more than that, I am a good and kind person. I am a person that cleans up behind himself. I am a person that cooks well. And you? You are an unbelievable slob! A slovenly, angry intern. I am Preston Burke! And you! You are the most competitive, most stubborn, most challenging person I have ever met! And I love you. What the hell is the matter with you that you just won't let me?" Damn. Christina kind of blinks at him for a second. "I gave up my apartment twenty minutes ago," she says with a mouth full of moo goo gai pan. "Well, all right, then," says Burke, hilariously retreating into the bathroom. Heeee.

Mere's voice-over shows up again to tell us that she's heard about people growing up, she's just never actually known anyone who's done it. We get a glimpse of Izzie checking on SOG. SOG asks if, after the surgery, she'll still be able to have "episodes" when she actually wants to, and Izzie assures her that she will. Izzie looks out the window and sees Alex and they make dirty eyes at each other. A bit later, George is sitting on a bench outside the hospital waiting for Izzie. She shows up, and all George says is, "She doesn't hear me." Izzie's like, WHAT NOW? George says that Mere doesn't hear him when he talks, and Izzie says that she will if he makes her. George looks at her and rightly surmises that Izzie fed the beast. "Twice," she says, chagrined. Heh. Alex hangs in the distance, and George kicks Izzie off the bench so she can go make some more dirty beast meals with the Dirty Beastmaster.

Webber goes to visit Ellis and tells her that Meredith came to see him today and he thinks she knows about their affair. Ellis is like, ha ha ha! She's only FIVE. Webber's like, Alzheimer's sucks. Meredith heads to Joe's Bar, where her drink of choice seems to be a club soda with a lime. Or a mojito. Or a vodka tonic. McDrunky's not picky. Mark shows up and takes the seat to her. He orders a double scotch and tells Mere she looks sad. She tells him about seeing her father for the first time in twenty years and says it could've gone better. Then she asks him what he's doing here and he says he's waiting for Addison to show up. "You're still in love with her?" asks Mere incredulously. "You're still in love with him," says Mark wryly. Heh. Mere tells him that Addie won't show because Derek's not the kind of guy you leave if you can help it. "What if you're wrong?" he asks. "What if just this once, life comes down on the side of the dirty mistresses?"

Yeah. Good luck with that, Mark. Addison's not coming to see you because she's too busy sitting at the tiny table in the tiny kitchen of her husband's tiny trailer, wallowing in the realization that her entire marriage has hit the skids. Meredith heads home to stand in front of her window and stare out at the sad, sad rain. There's a knock at her door. It's George. He walks over to her and says, "I know I'm not a world-renowned surgeon. And I know I'm not a lot of things you've gone for in the past. I know. But…I would never leave you. I would never hurt you. And I will never stop loving you." Aw. Well, at least he's said his piece. And Meredith appears to be listening. Looks like they're going to hug -- OH GOOD HOLY LORD WHAT IS SHE DOING? Is she taking off his shirt? SHE IS TAKING OFF HIS SHIRT. What? Who? How?