Meredith's still sleeping with McDreamy, only now Izzie and George know about it. This pisses them both off, for different reasons. Izzie, for how Meredith seems to have been born with a silver scalpel in her mouth and the need to sleep with her boss to get ahead seems excessive; and George, for how Meredith keeps getting forced into bed by men other than him.
The Patients of Illustration are a man who keeps getting himself shot on purpose to produce pretty scars, an adorable little girl with a brain that needs partial removing to prevent eventual death, and an already slender college student who's taken it upon herself to go to Mexico for a botched gastric bypass. The only POI that has anything to do with the central theme is the poor gastric bypass girl, who seems to be trying to lose weight to please her bitchy skinny bitchy horrific did I mention bitchy mother.
It all winds up with Mere and Izzie making peace because Izzie realizes that Mere's falling for McDreamy instead of using him to get ahead, George realizing that even though McDreamy's screwing his imaginary girlfriend, he's still a good guy, and Cristina discovering she's pregnant with Burke's baby. Talk about making life harder than it needs to beâ¦
Previously on Tu-Tu-Tumor, Good-bye: Everyone spent the whole episode putting off tasks they didn't want to complete, so that meant that George never asked Meredith out; the tumor lady finally had her tumor removed ,but it was too late because the tumor was bigger than my dream house on the shores of Lake Como, Italy; and Meredith avoided McDreamy until she couldn't avoid him anymore and then she tossed some wine down his throat and they made sweet love while the ferryboats swam by. I might be projecting that last part.
We open on a naked Mere, dozing in bed as her alarm goes off. Her voiceover says, "Okay, whoever said 'you can sleep when you die' needs to come talk to me after a few months as an intern." She turns and runs her hand across her very hairy leg. Oh, wait. That's McDreamy's leg. Guess the wine + ferryboats did the trick, huh? She tells him they have to get up and they roll around sleepily as she says she has pre-rounds, and he has to leave before Izzie and George see him. Derek good-naturedly wrestles with her as he asks why they can't see him and they giggle and generally avoid getting out of bed.
Downstairs, Izzie and George discuss how Mere's loud boinking kept them up all night. George, of course, wants to know who the guy is. Why, George? You gonna beat him up with your bad haircut and mopey face? I'm sure he'll run screaming out the door. "Aaaaaauuuugh! Not the Hair of Doom! And the Face! The Face of Moping! Eeeeeee!" Izzie teases George for being jealous and George, of course, just denies it. Because he's a girl. They hear the front door opening and manage to see Derek just as he's sneaking out in his rumpled day-old clothes. Izzie snarks, "Well, at least we know brain surgery isn't his only skill." George is aghast that Meredith is sleeping with her boss. They continue to chatter about it and Izzie thinks that Mere's sleeping with Dere to get ahead in surgery and George thinks this isn't an ongoing thing, that it just happened, because, let's face it, Mere does have a penchant for getting drunk and sleeping with people. Mere walks in right then, and Izzie asks her who she was shtupping all night long, and Mere just lies that it's no one they know. Izzie practically spews her lungs out through her nostrils, she snorts so hard. Mere's voiceover wonders why, if life is so hard already, we make more trouble for ourselves? "What's up with the need to hit the self-destruct button?"
I see we have tonight's theme. And, conveniently, the title of the episode.
Outside the hospital, the Grey Gang meets up with the rest of the Medicine Crüe, and we learn that Cristina rides a motorcycle and Alex runs every day and has the energy of a seven-year-old with ADD and a sugar addiction. In the locker room, George grumps that he needs a major rush to get through the day and that a good surgery should do the trick. Alex asks if George was a bad boy last night and Izzie says that no, it was Meredith who was doing the nasty. Alex is congratulatory while Izzie is prudish and pissy. "time it happens," she snots, "let me know, so I can go to a hotel." Okay, on the one hand? Yeah, a roommate who has loud sex is really rude and annoying and only serves to remind you of all the sex you're not having. On the other? Shut up, Izzie. You begged Mere to let you stay in her house, you now live in a goddamn MANSION, if it bugged you that much, YOU COULD HAVE SLEPT ON THE SOFA or, I don't know, knocked on the door and told them to KEEP IT DOWN. Meredith's your roommate, not a Latin King living door with a house party going on 24/7. Tell the bitch to keep the moans and groans to herself and then SHUT. YOUR. PIEHOLE.
Sorry. It's just...shut up, Izzie.
George informs Mere that she was just a wee bit loud last night with all the bumping and the grinding and the sexing and then he and Izzie leave. Cristina asks if they know that it's McDreamy keeping them up at night and Mere says that she hopes not. During their rounds, Mere keeps yawning and George keeps slipping McDreamy the evil eye. Yeah, that's not too obvious or anything, George. As Bailey, Mere, and Izzie pass Derek, it's fairly clear that both he and Meredith were up late, and Bailey comments on this. Mere just insists her coffee hasn't kicked in yet, which Bailey believes about as much as she believes that needles don't hurt and pulling out is a successful form of birth control. She proceeds to give Mere a rundown of her duties for the morning as Mere just yawns and yawns and practically naps right there on the floor. After she leaves to do her tasks, a couple runs up and the woman tells Bailey that her boyfriend swallowed her keys. "I didn't want her to leave," wheezes the key-eating boyfriend. Bailey rolls her eyes for the gazillionth time and tells Izzie to locate the keys.
Part of Mere's duties include checking in on a teenaged girl with abdominal issues. The girl looks a mess, but her mother looks atrocious; she has a raging queen bitch expression on her face, ruby red perma-lipstick, and she keeps going on and on about how she thinks her daughter caught a bug in the third-world country she told her not to visit. The father, who seems moderately nicer, if not just totally cowed by his bitch of a wife, just keeps talking about how the girl's been weak and losing weight ever since she returned from Mexico. The girl just chews her nails and generally looks miserable. Mere asks her to lie back for an exam, but the girl resists and begins to look really nervous. Mere just tries to put her at ease, saying that it's probably nothing, but she can't be allowed to leave until Mere checks her out. The girl insists that she's fine and just needs some antibiotics. "For god's sake, Claire," says her bitch of a mother, "I don't want to spend my entire day here." It's clear from Claire's face that this woman has more in common with a fire-breathing dragon than a mother. Meredith wisely asks the parents to leave the room and, thankfully, they do.
It's time to check in with Alex, who seems to be admitting a man named "Digby" who has an appointment. He approaches Digby and notices that he's bleeding profusely from his arm. He takes a look and it appears that Digby's been shot. Alex goes into doctor mode and calls Cristina over, and they scramble to get Digby into the pit. Digby seems more than obliging, but he informs them that this isn't an emergency because his buddy shot him on purpose. "Why?" asks Cristina. "I like the scars," says Digby.
"Nobody knows where they might end up...nobody knows!" Sing it to me, you naughty interns on gurneys!
After the credits, we discover that Digby considers his gunshot wounds his "art" and that he doesn't mind that this last bullet went all the way through his arm and into his rib. Cristina's completely disgusted with him. Digby has an ethos: "Why do anything unless you're willing to go one step further than everybody else?" Alex and Digby chat with each other about pain and sports and they realize that they were both on wrestling teams in Iowa ages ago. Cristina grimaces that thinking of them in tights makes her want to puke, so she leaves to...go puke, I guess. Meanwhile, Mere is checking out Claire's abdomen and the girl seems to have a lot of sensitivity and pain. Mere asks her to lift her shirt so that she can examine her stomach and Claire reluctantly does so. She has four raised pink scars on her belly. Mere determines that Claire has had surgery recently and Claire begs her not to tell her parents.
George is on Kute Kiddie duty today. He's giving the once-over to an adorable little girl with a twitching foot. The parents got her a CT scan several months ago, which showed that their daughter has a minor brain abnormality, but since that time, the twitching has gotten a lot worse. George is pretty damn cute with the little girl as he tells the parents that he's going to go get Dr. Shepherd. "Is he good? This Dr. Shepherd?" asks the mother. "At just about everything," says George. "Including screwing the squinty-eyed goddess I lurve the most. But don't worry! I don't think he sleeps with EVERY woman he comes into contact with! Later!"
We check in with Izzie and Bailey and the Keys of Un-Breaking-Up. They're looking at the films of the keys lodged in the guy's esophagus. "I assume the lady needs her keys to leave this guy's sorry ass behind?" asks Bailey. Izzie says that she does. "Well, help her out!" responds Bailey, about to walk out and leave Izzie to it. Izzie's nervous because he needs a bronchoscopy and she's never done one. "See one, do one, teach one," says Bailey. "Alone?" Izzie asks. She's stunned. She blabbles at Bailey about her vote of confidence in her abilities and how she's worked so hard and blabbedy blabbedy boo. Bailey: "Izzie? Go." Hee. Meredith intercepts Bailey and tells her that she did all the tasks assigned to her, including checking on Claire. Unfortunately, Claire is suffering from a high fever and has peritoneal signs. Cristina shuffles by, and Bailey asks her if she's okay; she just says she's on her way back to the clinic and gives a wan thumbs up.
Meredith goes on to say that she thinks Claire had some illegal surgery done in Mexico because she has four laparoscopic scars on her abdomen and won't say where they're from. The parents are clueless. Mere states that she ordered a CT scan for the girl and Bailey says that while she's waiting for the results from the scan, she should check on some guy's charts, document some EKGs and X-rays, mop the cafeteria, wash her car, pick up her dry cleaning and walk the dog because, apparently, Bailey enjoys torturing Meredith for sleeping with her boss.
Cristina's still looking rough over by the water cooler when Burke saunters up and goes, "Whoa! Got the flu?" Cristina's like, "NO I'M PREGNANT, FUNNY GUY. Yes, I have the flu. And I got it from you. SO THANKS." Burke thinks she should go home and get some rest. "This is not gonna make me go home," she snaps. "YOU GO HOME." Heh. Burke says he feels fine, but as Cristina stalks off, he feels his glands and pulse with self-diagnosing paranoia. Hee. I love how he's this hard-assed brilliant surgeon with the occasional spine made of jelly. Sometimes it bugs, but mostly it's just adorable.
George is running after Izzie in a hallway, asking her if she's seen Dr. Shepherd. "Not as closely as Meredith has," says Izzie. God. Shut up, Izzie. George is surprised that Izzie would just come out and say something like that. Meredith's their friend; they wouldn't want to get her in trouble, now would they? Izzie just turns around and spews out all over George that recommendations from guys like Shepherd can make or break them in this program. "There is a reason we don't sleep with the attendings," she says. And that's when George climbs under his blankie and pretends there are no bogeymen in the closet. "It's not her fault," he says. "It's Shepherd's." Oh, WHAT? Shut up, George. And shut up, Izzie. God, I hope there's nothing relevant in the rest of this scene because I am TIRED of covering what little I've witnessed. George just says that it's Shepherd's fault because he's the attending and he should know better. He has a point. But also? Meredith isn't chained to a chair in a basement or anything; girlfriend's a full-grown adult with voting capabilities, she's capable of saying no, no?
George goes to get the little girl's films from neurology, and he spends some time watching Shepherd do his magic in the OR. He's about to leave when the anesthesiologist passes between him and a nurse and leaves a trail of bourbon behind. The nurse points out that he smells it too and George is horrified. The nurse comments that the guy is the best anesthesiologist on the staff and that he'll worry when the guy's too juiced to do his crossword puzzle. Gah. Remind me to bring my "Have you had a fifth of bourbon today?" questionnaire with me the time I have to have surgery. George watches in stunned silence as the anesthesiologist returns to the surgery and takes his place at the patient's head.
After Derek leaves the OR, George catches up with him to talk about little Jaime with the Bad Brain. He informs Derek that Jaime has continuous seizure activity in her left foot. Derek grabs the CT scan films and asks how old they are. When George tells him they're three months old, Derek just flings them back in his face and tells him he needs new ones because Jaime's brain could be dramatically different today. He gets on the elevator and George just brightly says, "Okay, I'll order them..." The elevator doors shut. "...doc." Niiiiiice insult, George. Way to wait until the doors SHUT before you deliver it. You da man.
Burke and Alex are going over Digby's films and sarcastically discussing his "pain as ethos" motto. Burke thinks he knows the guy and pulls over Bailey. "Hey, you remember this guy?" "Heeeey," she says. "The tattooed masochist." "Had himself shot again," says Burke. "Glad to see he's still stupid," says Bailey. Heeeee. The boys leave and Bailey checks in with Meredith, who's looking at Claire's abdominal scans. It would appear that, even though Claire is a normal girl of normal weight, she's chosen to have gastric bypass surgery. "And a bad one at that," says Bailey with a grimace.
After the break, Bailey and Meredith tell Claire's parents about the surgery and how it's normally performed on morbidly obese people. Claire's dad is stunned that his daughter wanted to have the surgery. "Claire's not fat!" "Are you kidding?" says her bitch of a mother. "This means the world to her! But it is so typical of this girl to take the easy way out." Oh, there's a special place in hell reserved for this woman. She doesn't even have to wait in line. She's going to be seated immediately by the Head Minion of Hellfire right over at her personal corner table with the flaming blue seats of fire and brimstone because DAMN.
Bailey informs the mother that nothing about this is going to be easy for Claire, especially considering how she's going to have to fight a lifetime of malnutrition unless she has the procedure reversed. "Do the procedure," snaps the mother. "I told her to watch the freshman fifteen. Don't eat junk, exercise. But when she came home at Christmas, who had to buy her a pair of size six jeans because she couldn't get in the ones I got her the year before?" Claire's father looks like a man who'd like to "accidentally" push his wife down several flights of stairs sometime soon. He tries to reason with his wife, saying that Claire tries hard and gets good grades, but Mrs. McBitch is not hearing any of it. Bailey says that there were complications with Claire's bypass and she has an abscess beneath her diaphragm that's causing an edema in the bowel wall. Exasperated, the father just tells them to do whatever they have to do to make her well. Bailey spins on her heel with a look of utter disgust on her face.
Shepherd checks in on Jaime of the Bad Brain. He, too, is very cute with the little girl. Or maybe the little girl is just so damn cute that she cute-ifies everyone around her. Her chubby little leg keeps shaking and Shepherd asks George if the MRI is ready. George snottily answers that Shepherd ordered a CT scan before so that's what he reserved. "Well, now I'm saying an MRI," Shepherd smoothly responds with the "you snotty, baby-faced git" insult heartily implied. Jaime's daddy asks if she's going to need surgery and Shepherd says he doesn't know. The parents are concerned about their insurance; it's pretty clear they're not the Rockefellers. The mother picks Jaime up and her leg immediately starts shaking much more. Shepherd orders a nurse to get some diazepam running for the girl as he puts a tourniquet on her upper arm and manages to put a butterfly needle into Jaime's vein without her even realizing he's just stuck her with a needle. It's the smoothest thing I've ever seen. Seconds after the diazepam hits her system, the leg stops shaking. He comments to the parents that diazepam is an amazing drug and then he chats with Jaime about spaceships and Captain O'Malley and the spaceship MRI and George kind of just watches him in awe. That's right, George. Even men who screw your imaginary girlfriend can be good guys. Remember that.
Izzie's getting ready to do her bronchoscopy. The girlfriend is royally pissed off and the boyfriend's just worried that this is going to hurt. Shoulda thought of that before you took her keys with a shot of whiskey, home boy. The girlfriend continues bitching about him as Izzie sprays the topical anesthesia into the back of his throat. I've had that stuff, by the way, and it is NOT fun. But it's not nearly as bad as a shot of Southern Comfort or something else I've had shot into the back of my throat, if you know what I mean, and I (unfortunately) think you do. The wheezing key-boy is annoying, but amusingly so, and I think Izzie finds that she's liking him despite herself. Forget about it, Izzie; the guy doesn't have a bum ticker. He's not your type.
Burke and Alex meet up with Digby in the hallway. Digby asks how Burke's trumpet playing is going, and he says it's a lot safer than getting shot as hobbies go. Burke says that the bullet nicked his rib, which is causing blood to flow into his lung. Digby seems to think that this is just fine. "No pain, no gain," he stupidly says. He then equates himself with doctors and how they push and push and push. Digby and Alex share a moment and we learn that they were actually at different schools, and therefore rivals. "But here in Seattle," says Digby, "we're brothers." And then he starts to cough and asks what they're going to do about his lung and Alex tells him they're going to drain the blood out and re-inflate the lung. "Oh, please," says Digby, "tell me I get to watch." Oh, gross. Burke agrees with me because he just walks off as Alex cajoles his Iowa buddy.
Claire's resting comfortably in her room, wondering if she can declare irreconcilable differences and divorce her parents, when they walk in and throw their version of concern her way. Her mother tells her that there's a healthy way to lose weight and Claire says that doesn't work for her the way it does for her mother. Her father tells her she doesn't need to lose weight, but her bitch of a mother just asks what she's eating and how much she's working out. She keeps harping on Claire about weight loss until finally Claire says that college is stressful and everyone gains weight and there's not enough time to work out. "I just thought that...if I wasn't worried about my diet, I could focus more on my studies," she says.
"So, what? You took another shortcut?" snaps her mother. "Tina!" yells her father. "What, you want to argue this?" she shoots back. He immediately shuts up. Tina, it would seem, wears the pants AND the balls in this family. Meredith finally steps in and tells them all to start focusing on Claire's health instead of her damn waistline. She tells Claire that they've agreed that she has to reverse the bypass, but Claire doesn't want them to. "There are serious complications," says Mere. "And this is about your health." "But, I'd rather be thin," says Claire. "Well, I'm afraid the choice isn't up to you," snaps her mom. Yeah. I'm getting the feeling there are a LOT of choices that aren't up to Claire. Her weight, her hair, her studies, her boyfriends, her sense of well-being and general self-esteem...
Derek and Jaime's parents are watching as she's being put through an MRI. "It's called Rasmussen's encephalitis," says Derek. Basically, what this means is that one side of her brain is dying and the condition has gotten radically worse over the last few months. Without treatment, she'll die. The mother asks if there's a treatment, and Derek says that there is, but it involves removing and sealing off the diseased part of the brain. Eventually, the spinal fluid will fill in the cavity. The father's distressed because, well, this is one half of his daughter's brain we're talking about here. The mother thinks this sounds impossible, but Derek says that Jaime's young age makes it possible because her brain's not fully developed; the remaining neurons will compensate for the missing ones. The father asks if she'll be normal and Derek assures him that, while there are risks to a major surgery like this, they can save her life with this procedure and she could go on to live a fairly normal life. They thank him and follow Jaime's gurney to her room.
"Dr. O'Malley!" Derek calls after George. He turns on the stairs, all, "Yes? What?" He's seriously acting like a woman scorned. Oh, and unprofessional. Let's not forget that one. "I'm sorry to bother you," quips Derek, "but if her parents consent, I thought you'd like to scrub in on the hemispherectomy." That sounds like a totally made-up word. "Are you in or not?" asks Derek. "Uh, in!" says George, attempting to erase the image of Derek himself "in" a little something we like to call "Meredith's Pants." George runs off to tell Cristina about cutting a girl's brain in half with Shepherd and she's totally jealous. "It's outrageous!" says George. "Almost makes it hard to hate him." Cristina asks if George knows about Shepherd and Meredith and George is stunned that Cristina already knows. "George?" says Cristina scornfully. "When are you going to learn that I? Know everything." Hee. Izzie walks up and George tells her that Cristina already knows. "What, about doctor-cest?" Heh. Cristina says it's been going on forever and Izzie and George rail on Cristina for not spilling the beans ASAP and Cristina's too busy trying to keep her bile down to bother trying to humor either one of them.
They huddle over the coffee cart as Izzie expresses surprise that Cristina's not more pissed off about Meredith's sexual proclivities. Cristina states that A) Meredith works hard and is good at her job, B) why the hell should anyone care how she unwinds after hours, and C) she herself is sleeping with Burke, so how about everyone shut the hell up? "You like to bake all night," she says to Izzie. "Some people like to drink. Others like the occasional screaming orgasm." "Yeah, we do!" says Alex, walking up. Heh. George spies the drunken anesthesiologist across the way and chooses this moment to bring up how the guy smelled like booze earlier. He wonders aloud if he should say something. "It's a can of worms, George!" says Alex, biting into what appears to be an extremely large and puffy cream-filled donut. "Weren't we talking about sex, anyway?" Heh. Everyone pretends to be disgusted and leaves.
Burke has his tools deep inside Digby's chest as Digby watches. Ew. He asks if this will leave a sexy scar, and Burke chastises him for his odd hobby. Digby says he's dizzy and Burke says he's lost some blood. Digby kind of whimpers in delight as he watches Alex drain the blood out of his lung. Gah.
Elsewhere in GrossLand General Hospital, Bailey and Meredith are working on Claire's abdomen in an OR. Bailey wonders aloud why Claire would do something like this, and Meredith says that she wanted to please her mother. "She wanted her approval." As Meredith resects the bowel, Bailey reminds her that she still has work to do on her rounds after this because Cristina's sick and she needs to pick up the slack. "Look, I'll mop the floors, okay?" says Mere. She realizes her tone and apologizes for being inappropriate. "That's not the only thing that's inappropriate," snits Bailey. True. Your tossing unnecessary extra work at your intern because she's fucking your boss is also inappropriate.
"While we're on the subject, you mind telling me what you think you're doing?" asks Bailey. "Look, I'll jump through hoops, if that's what you want me to do," snaps Mere. "But what I do when I leave this hospital is my business." Bailey says that half the hospital knows her business. Mere just says that she made a choice and that she knows Bailey doesn't respect the choice, but she'll live with the consequences. "Then I'll have lots of hoops for you to jump through!" says Bailey. Mere says she's done everything Bailey's asked her to do, so whatever else she's got, bring it on. And that's when Claire's bowel decides to spit in her face. Literally. The peanut gallery recoils with a unanimous "Ewwww!" "Now my day is perfect," says Mere, her face covered in...I have no idea. It looks white and vaguely chunky. Cottage cheese, maybe? Claire's bowel has a penchant for dairy products, it would seem.
Jaime's on her way into surgery. George musters up a thank-you speech for McDreamy before heading in to the OR. A nurse brings Derek a triple espresso which, really? Shouldn't he be concerned about keeping his hands, I don't know, STEADY? Hell, I get the shakes after a damn venti iced Americano; a triple espresso would put me in a straight jacket. Doctor Drunko enters the OR and passes George, saying something about how we'd be nowhere without coffee, and George visibly recoils from the liquor smell wafting off of him. Shepherd walks in and says to little Jaime, "Hey, princess! You ready to take a nap?" Doctor Drunko puts the mask up to her face, telling her to blow bubbles into it. Jaime's a good sport and not at all afraid of the doctors or the OR.
George isn't letting the drunk thing go, though, and he asks Derek if he smells anything. Derek's like, dude? Wearing a mask, here. He turns away and George turns to Doctor Drunko and says, "I'm sorry...Dr. Taylor? But did you just...have you been drinking?" "I beg your pardon?" says Drunko. Derek turns around. "Do you smell...I...I smell alcohol," continues George. "Where the hell do you get off accusing me of something like that?" says Drunko. "George? You're out of line," says Derek. "There are rules," says George. "You know, there are rules for a reason." He's totally not just talking about Doctor Drunko now. "There is a two-year-old girl on this table," he says. "You shouldn't take advantage of someone else's vulnerability." Yeah. Totally not about Jaime. But still. He has a point. And as much as I hate George's season one spinelessness, I do love him for almost always trying to do the right thing, regardless of the consequences. Doctor Drunko's not so pleased with him, though, and he demands that Shepherd remove George from the OR. Derek shoots Drunko a look and we think for a minute that he's going to kick this guy to the curb, but no. "You're out, George," he says. George angrily leaves. Derek walks over to Drunko and tells him that he'd damn well better be ready. "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't," he responds. "Drunk, that is! Beers for everyone! Can I get a lime in mine?"
It's time to check in with Izzie and the Key-Swallowing Boyfriend and the Girl He Really Should Leave Because DAMN Does She Ever Shut Up? Izzie's sticking a tube down the guy's throat and his girlfriend is just shrieking at him about what an ass he is. As she does this, his throat tenses and the keys start to go farther down, making them harder to get to. Suddenly, the girlfriend's all concerned. She asks her boyfriend to breathe and gets him to calm down and Izzie finally gets the keys out. The boyfriend kind of grins at his girlfriend and she loudly accuses him of choking on the keys on purpose and Izzie just turns to her and says, "Can I offer you some advice? Get in your car and go. For all our sakes." Hee. Nice, Izzie. "You're never gonna find where I parked it!" rasps the boyfriend. Heh. They deserve each other.
Meredith and Bailey leave Claire's OR and both declare they need showers. Bailey tells Meredith to go tell Claire's parents her condition. "You're not gonna let me shower?" asks Mere. "That would be a hoop, would it not?" asks Bailey. "It would qualify," says Mere. Bailey kind of grins at her begrudgingly. "Shower first, then." Mere passes by Izzie in the locker room and gets a, "Ewww, what smells?" response out of her. Mere explains about Claire's bowels all over her and Izzie says, "That makes me strangely happy." Cristina wakes up from her perch on a bench and says, "Ohhhh, Meredith, you smell like--" "Karma," snits Izzie. "What?" says Mere. "Nothing," smirks Izzie. God, I really don't like her. I like her later, during season two, but damn, I did NOT remember her being this irritating.
Meredith looks at her face in the mirror and sees particles of Claire's bowels residing in her hair. "How much do I love being a surgeon right now?" she grunts. "Karma!" simpers Izzie. "What does karma have to do with anything?" asks Mere in an annoyed tone. Izzie, being tremendously self-satisfied right now, says that Mere's been given all the best surgeries and now she smells like putrid goo. Whatever. Fuck off, Izzie. Bailey enters and says Shepherd needs an intern. Cristina volunteers. Bailey says she looks like shit. Cristina says she's fine. Bailey asks for Meredith and Izzie gets all bitchy again. "What is your problem?" Meredith asks. "Um...YOU," says Izzie. "Because, apparently, you can help Dr. McDreamy in ways the rest of us can't!" Mere's all, you did not just-- and Izzie is all, oh I totally just-- and Bailey's all, EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP. She orders Cristina to Shepherd's OR. Izzie storms off and Bailey walks over to Mere. "Apparently, I'm not the only one with hoops," she quips. Heh. I like Bailey's hoops better. At least they have a purpose.
As Tegan and Sara sing about downtown, Alex runs to tell Burke that Digby's white blood cell count is really high. Burke's concerned and tells Alex to look for existing conditions or illnesses. We check in with Jaime's surgery as Derek's about to cut. Cristina takes her place and sees that George isn't there and that Doctor Drunko is. She looks up at the peanut gallery and sees George watching and she realizes what's happened. Then we catch up with Mere as she's informing Claire's parents that the reversal went fine, but that they lost a significant portion of her bowel. "Claire will never eat normally again," she says. The father's all, okay, what? How? Um? How do we help her? Mere says that getting proper nutrition will be a lifelong problem for Claire. "Great," says her bitch of a mother. "As if we already don't have our hands full with her." OH MY GOD.
"She gets good grades," says Mere. "She stays out of trouble. She's smart. I just think she feels like nothing she does is good enough for you." Claire's mother starts to rail on her, all, I am not responsible for this! "I think Claire is killing herself to please you," says Mere. The mother scoffs and turns away, but the father looks at Mere with concern. "You have no idea what's going on in that girl's mind," says the mother. "You're her mother," says Mere. "She worships the ground you walk on. She didn't do this for herself." The mother gets up and tries to talk to the father about how this situation has become ridiculous and he just cuts her off. "Tina... shut up." Ha! He walks away as Meredith looks relieved that he's finally done something besides stand around and look useless.
Alex checks on Digby and he's freezing and can't stop shaking. Alex asks if he has any new tattoos or wounds and Digby says he has a new tat on his calf. Alex goes to check it out and it's totally septic. He orders the nurse to get Digby to the ICU and get him started on antibiotics. Back with Jaime's surgery, Derek's leading Cristina through the procedure, but he keeps checking on Jaime's face through the plastic sheeting. She seems to be moving. He mentions this to Doctor Drunko and says that her anesthesia's light. Drunko doesn't respond. "Come on, [Doctor Drunko]," Shepherd says, "she's waking up!" George hears this up in the gallery and looks concerned. Cristina walks over to get Doctor Drunko's attention and announces that the damn fool is asleep. Shepherd calls his name again and he STILL doesn't wake up. Unfortunately, Jaime IS waking up.
Shepherd finally gets the jackass to wake up and Drunko handles Jaime immediately. Shepherd says, "He was right, wasn't he?" Doctor Drunko just says that he nodded off and orders some coffee from a nurse. "It won't happen again," says Doctor Drunko. "Yeah, not in here, it won't," says Shepherd. He turns to the nurse. "Uh, Steph? Call Dr. Pennington. Hopkins, take over until she gets here." He turns back to Drunko. "Get out of here and get it together." Drunko leaves immediately. George is vindicated. Meanwhile, Digby's going into organ system failure and it does NOT look good. Burke runs in and Alex gets him caught up and just as Burke orders the defib pads to be charged, Digby flatlines. Alex tries to perform CPR manually, but Digby's still flat. At the same time, Shepherd continues to work on Jaime's little brain as Cristina watches. He finishes the procedure and tells the other doctor to close up as Cristina gushes about how she was feeling sick before but now she doesn't at all. "I was tired before," says Shepherd. "Now I'm tired again." He points up at George and indicates that he wants to meet him outside.
"Let me explain," says Derek, minutes later in the hallway. "It's fine!" says George in a tone that suggests it's not fine at all. "There is a code among doctors," says Derek. "We're not supposed to ask each other questions within the walls of this hospital." "Okay, I WAS OUT OF LINE," George shouts as he stomps off like the child that he is. "No, you weren't!" says Derek. "I was. I was out of line. Somebody should have taken responsibility and it should have been the guy doing the cutting. It should have been me. You didn't deserve what happened to you in there today. You did the right thing, code or no code." See? See George? That's why he's awesome! Derek offers his hand up for George to shake and George scoffs and looks like he's not going to take it, but he finally does. And that's when Derek realizes what's going on. "You saw me leave the house this morning, didn't you?" George is all, oh, was that you? I didn't...I don't know...you look different in the morning after lots of sex! Derek shoves George's hand away and says that he's not using Meredith and he doesn't favor her. "She's pretty great, you know!" is all George will say. Derek agrees with him and then says that they should go tell Jaime's parents that she's going to be fine. Derek clamps George on the back and George tries to shrug off his hand like the moany little chick that he is.
Meredith is escorting Claire to recovery as the girl asks if she's going to get fat now that she's been fixed. Mere tells her she won't and Claire's all, awesome! That's when Mere tells her that she's asked social services to contact her parents because they can help her. "With what?" Claire asks. "You don't know this yet," says Mere, "but life isn't supposed to be like this. It's not supposed to be this hard." As Claire contemplates this, we return to Digby, whose death has just been declared by Burke. "First guy I ever met out here from my home," says Alex as he looks at the Polaroid of Digby's bullet wound.
Later that night at Grey Manor, Izzie's frosting a cake she just baked. Mere enters the kitchen and goes to the fridge. Izzie tells her that if she waits a minute, she can have a piece of cake, baked chock-full o' love. "Actually, chock-full of unrelenting, all-consuming rage and hostility, but still tasty," she qualifies. Heh. Now THAT'S the Izzie I like. Mere asks if she wants the long sordid version or the short sordid version where she started sleeping with a guy who turned out to be her boss. Izzie wants neither. Mere wants her to cut her some slack, but Izzie won't because Mere went to Dartmouth and her mother is Ellis Grey and she grew up at Grey Manor. "You know, you walk into the OR and there isn't anyone there who doubts that you should be there," she explains. "I grew up in a trailer park. I went to state school. I put myself through med school by posing in my underwear. You know, I walk into the OR and everyone hopes I'm the nurse. You have their respect without even trying and you're throwing it away for...what? A few good surgeries?" Well, it's more like a few good fucks, but, you know, whatever.
Mere tells her that it's not about the surgeries and it's not about getting ahead. Izzie asks if it's just about the hot sex then. "I mean, Meredith, what the hell are you doing?" Meredith rolls her eyes and doesn't respond. "Oh my god..." says Izzie. "You're falling for him." Well, DUH. Mere says she isn't. Izzie says she is. Mere says she isn't. "Dammit," says Izzie. "You poor girl." Oh, first you hate her, now you pity her? At least she's getting laid, IZZIE. Mere's all, he's just so...and there's like...and the thing is...and I'm having a hard time! Izzie's all, you're mushy. And confused. And sad. You're definitely falling for him. She cuts Mere a piece of cake. "I hate you!" says Mere, grabbing a fork. "And your cake!" Izzie giggles and says her cake is good. "So, um, how hot is the sex?" asks Izzie. Mere's prudishness kicks in. "Izzie!" "What? Come on! I'm not getting any! Help a girl out with a few details."
We don't get to hear the details, unfortunately, because we have to check in on Alex as he's on the rowing machine and angrily tossing down the handle because he's so damn angry about Digby. "Maybe we like the pain," says Mere's voiceover. "Maybe we need it. Because maybe without it, we're just, I don't know..." Derek and George check on Jaime as Burke goes to check on Cristina. She's not in their clandestine meeting room of sex, though. "Maybe we just wouldn't feel real," continues Mere's voiceover as we get a shot of Cristina in the bathroom with a pregnancy test. And another pregnancy test. She took two and I'm thinking she didn't pass with flying colors.
Later, Mere and Dere get ready for bed and he says, "You know, we could just..." "Sleep?" Mere interjects. "We could, yeah, if...if you want to," he says. Heh. He looks wrecked. So does she. They both collapse into the bed with their clothes still on. "What's that saying?" asks Mere's voiceover. "'Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.'"
up on Grey's Anatomy: Mere keeps hitting herself with a penis hammer. Oh, and Cristina's preggers. And it's not pretty.