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Meredith is all stupid because her hot, naked boyfriend discovered her mother's super-secret diary while he was looking for a place to stash his clothes. Instead of behaving like a normal person, she gets all pissy and refuses to talk to him, or look at what the diary says, until she finally realizes she's being a moron and he's the most understanding boyfriend of all time. This is actually by far the most annoying part of the entire episode, and no one else really irks me. Something strange is definitely going on here.
Christina is irritated that she's been stuck in the clinic treating patients who have rashes instead of major injuries. But her journey leads her to the mythical land of dermatology, a previously unexplored part of the hospital where residents get constant massages and there is fresh fruit. The rest of the surgical residents come to marvel at this place for what seems like hours on end and no one seems to mind or care where they are... except for Christina's dying, rashy patient and George, who has been left to pick up Meredith's slack. But George works it out, showing a freaked-out kid the scariest thing ever and convinces the reluctant, pint-sized patient to stop terrorizing the hospital and go through with the surgery. And he gets the news that he's passed his exam, at which point he starts ignoring his lowly-but-loyal intern pal Lexie.
Alex is all pissed off at his crazy bipolar girlfriend, and he takes it out on Izzie by acting like an asshole. This is typical Alex behavior, so Izzie shouldn't be surprised, but of course she is. Frankly, she kinda deserves it for torturing us with the whole George thing last season. This is like her penance. He steals her surgery, so she gets mad and uses her feminine wiles to win it back. They both try and use Derek's new roomie status to help them out, but it backfires when Derek threatens both of them. Sloan is around basically to talk about cowboys and do absolutely nothing else at all.
Hahn and Callie get ready for their first date, but Callie freaks about what they'd actually do when they get south of the border. So she goes to Bailey for advice. Bailey does not talk about sex, but does give her tips creating rules of behavior for visiting vajayjayland. Bailey's hair looks really awesome. Hahn and Callie get all adorable and awkward and then flirt and talk about going to second base. Cute. And Hahn totally calls Meredith on lying about her surgical skills and gives her the dressing-down that she so desperately needs. Basically, Hahn is totally the hero of the episode.
-- Angel Cohn Want more? The full recap starts right below!First things first, an correction of sorts that I should have made last week -- I now know that there is a refresh button on many, many keyboards out there. I was in fact completely uninformed and wrong. Noooo! Don't worry, I'm sure it will never, ever happen again. For at least a page or two.
"In 6500 B.C., some guy looked at his sick friend and said, 'I have an idea. Why don't I drill a hole in your skull? It'll make you feel better.' And thus, surgery was born." That's quite an opening voiceover this week. Izzie is skulking down the hall and listens at a door. After some back and forth, she decides to knock super quietly, and the door is pulled open by Derek, wearing a pillow over his naughty bits. She's rather delighted, but he interrupts her gawking to say that Mere isn't there and that he's waiting for her. When he asks what she wants, she goes into a very long and ridiculous story about ordering a pizza, and Alex owing her $20, but that he won't pay her because of the crying, she thought for a moment he might be human... it's annoying, classic Izzie, I'm sure you can fill in the rest in a self-righteous voice. Derek tells her to go into the bathroom and once she's hiding, hollers for Alex to give him $20. He does without even asking and once his door is closed, he hands it over to Izzie. She's amazed and now thinks he's cool, rather than just hairy. She offers him some pizza but he slams the door in her face like I wish I could do quite often.
Mere's VO continues: "It takes a certain brand of crazy to come up with an idea like drilling into somebody's skull. But surgeons have always been a confident bunch." And a super bitchy bunch, if this show is to be believed. Cristina and Callie are moving into the new apartment with the help of Meredith and Erica. Cristina pauses in the living room with a box of her clothes, but Callie orders her to put them in her room, adding that the living room won't be a dumping ground. Has she learned nothing in the time they've already been roommates? Once she's gone, Cristina rests the box elsewhere in the living room and Erica asks acidly, "Did you not hear her?" Cristina's answer is to drop the box in the middle of the floor and leave it. Seriously, I hate that Erica is so 100% different from Callie versus the others. I get that she's an attending, but watching her be a bitch to everyone is just tiresome. She reminds me of guys I've dated and how relieved I had been to break up with them and not feel like I was having to run interference between my significant others and my friends and family. But Callie doesn't seem to mind, so here we are. Cristina makes a comment about Callie needing a new best friend.
Once they've gone, Sunshine Erica comes out of the room and they comment on the awesomeness of the apartment. Erica touches Callie's back familiarly but Callie flinches. Mere's disembodied voice finishes: "We usually know what we're doing and when we don't, we still act like we do. We walk boldly into undiscovered country, plant a flag, and start ordering people around. It's invigorating, and terrifying." Hahn asks Callie out on a real date, as she explains, one with dinner, wine, and her trying to take Callie's clothes off at the end of the night. Callie is clearly nervous and comments, "That would be a date!" Hahn, though, just grins back at her. I refuse to believe that she would really be so oblivious to Callie's nerves or that she would just ignore them. It's a weird writing choice for these two.
Mere gets home to find a still-naked Derek reading in bed. She notices he's got a diary on the bedside table, and flirts up a storm about how cute it is that he keeps a journal, as she climbs on the bed. He corrects that it isn't his, but when he tries to kiss her, she pulls back and suspiciously asks whose it is. He fesses up that it is Ellis' journal, and that he found it in a box of medical journals. Meredith of course goes all damaged and silent, and Derek tells her he didn't read it, but that he brought it for her. She just demands to know why he was going through her mother's things, and he explains that he was trying to find a place for his clothes, as her closet is full. Rather than try to talk about it, she then excuses herself to take a shower and grabs the journal on the way out while he pouts in bed. If he's surprised at this, then he doesn't know her as well as he and everyone else thought he did, as this is Meredith 101 right here. It doesn't mean it's not annoying, but it certainly isn't a surprise.
Our four residents approach a nurse's station followed by their pack of mostly unidentifiable interns. Mere is bitching about the journal and her boyfriend, but when Cristina asks she says she hasn't read and won't read any of it. She then wants to know why her boyfriend is snooping around the house anyway. Cristina is able to be herself with her best friend for one second and answer, "I think because you invited him." The Chief starts yelling because everyone has still managed to try and stay on their would-be specialties. He reminds them that it isn't allowed, and says that Bailey will be giving assignments and they aren't allowed to argue. He stomps off and O'Malley runs after him, but before he can ask, Richard tells him that he doesn't have George's test scores and will let him know as soon as he has them. Lexie overhears and rah-rahs that she's sure he passed, and she'll buy him a beer at Joe's that night to celebrate. George asks what will happen if he doesn't pass, and she promises to still buy him a beer. "Beer for losers."
Bailey hands out the day's assignments: Mere is with Hahn, Alex and Izzie are in the pit, and Cristina is in the clinic. Izzie and Alex first complain about the assignment, both because they don't want to be there and second because they don't want to work with each other. But Izzie goes extra ballistic when she hears that Cristina is in the clinic. She and Cristina both agree that Cristina is not the person for the clinic, but Bailey won't hear it. Apparently Cristina has not worked in the clinic since it opened, so she is to look at this as a "new frontier." There's eye-rolling all around at the plan, but no one is getting out of their assignments. Mere tells Cristina she's sorry, but her shit-eating grin says otherwise. She does claim, believably, that she's nervous since Hahn is scary and also because Cristina gave her unrealistic expectations about how much residents actually know. Welcome to why no one is able to specialize any more. Cristina just warns her to be familiar with the material and not to be "warm and fuzzy" with the patients, since Hahn hates that. Hahn, or Cristina? Well, okay, both. She tells Mere to ask if she has any questions. "I'll be in the clinic! Putting band-aids on stupid whiners who don't have the balls to get real injuries."
Outside, Derek is getting coffee and bitching about his girlfriend. These two really are quite a couple. He's whining to Mark about the diary and how he didn't read it, but just got it for heeer! Mark, a nice counterpoint to the whining, says that he would have read it. Derek gripes, "Every time I actually do something to move into the house, she freaks out." Mark tries to shift the subject and asks what Derek is doing with the trailer. Derek isn't doing anything, knowing that Meredith could realistically freak out and kick him out at any time. Mark, like the rest of us, is amused by the stupidity of it all and chuckles. Okay, or maybe he's just commiserating with his best friend and I added the 'stupidity' part.
Alex and Izzie arrive in the ER to a menu of "Sutures, fecal impaction, and more sutures." I've got to tell you that I love that my job never involves the words "fecal impaction." (Well, except for right now.) Alex offers Izzie for the job, since she's, "good at boring stupid crap. [She's] like a specialist." Izzie glares at him oh so menacingly, but he isn't fazed since he's enjoying reading the paper. If she wants to affect him, she should know by now that she needs to up her game. She goes to see her first sutures patient, who needs stitches in his forehead from where his wife threw the remote at him. She was (and still is) mad that all he does is sleep and watch TV. She declares that she's divorcing him as soon as he's taken care of here, and then proceeds to tell Izzie how he slept through her European dream vacation. The man, clearly used to being henpecked, testily answers that he was tired after 30 years of working. When Izzie touches his face, she notices that his mouth twitches, but he doesn't even know it's happening and she decides to run some tests. Outside his stall, she tells her interns that she thinks he has some "major neuro thing" going on and tells them to take him for a CT once he's stitched up. Once she's gone, Alex pulls the file out of the intern's hand gleefully.
George gives Hahn and Mere the rundown on their patient, an 8-year-old named Duncan with aortic valve disease due for something called a "Ross procedure." Before they can meet him, a little hellion runs out of the room, his parents hot on his tail. The doctors all pause a moment, until Hahn orders them to, "Go!" Mere actually runs off with her hands still in her pockets, like a strange motorized doll. Everyone ends up in the waiting room, where Duncan stands on the chairs with his fingers on the fire alarm. He wants them to promise that he's not going to have surgery, and everyone ends up turning to a stuttering Mere. Unfortunately for them all she stutters that they can't promise he won't have surgery. He pulls the alarm, and a very bored-sounding electronic voice starts telling them that this is an emergency as emergency lights flash.
Presumably order has been restored, and Richard demands to know if they have the kid under control. He's extra pissed because they already look so ridiculous after the ceiling collapse from last week. Hahn promises that nothing else will happen and once he's gone, turns to make sure her underlings will make sure of that. Mere answers, "I'll sedate him if I have to." Satisfied, Hahn tells them to study pulmonary autografts, concluding, "I don't want to spend the day bathed in your ignorance as well as your incompetence." As much as I agree with her, I do wish that they would make her a little more human, especially after deciding last week that she wanted to be a better teacher. Once she's gone, George expresses worry at the idea of sedating the kid and Meredith has to tell him that she was just trying to sound tough for Hahn. She reminds him that it's his last day as an intern, and won't he be happy to move on?
Hahn finds her sorta-girlfriend working on the computer and asks if 8 is too late for dinner. Callie's fine with it but very graciously and quickly offers to reschedule if need be. Hahn won't hear of it, she made reservations somewhere named Canto. Callie is clearly terrified, but since we're to believe that Hahn is completely brilliant but somehow can't manage to read even the most obvious emotions in other people, she happily tells her, "We are doing this," and leaves.
Mere finds Cristina to ask her about the Ross procedure. Cristina coaches her on what to say, describing the procedure and some extra details to make her look like she's familiar with it. Mere panics that nothing Cristina has said is in the book, but Cristina promises her that it's the key to this procedure. And hey, if ever there was a time to fake it, it's when you're operating on an 8-year-old, right? Meredith is stoked that someone has the answers for her, while Cristina is ticked off that she's given Mere some of her best stuff. Mere leaves, and Lexie finds Cristina so that she can see a patient. This one is sporting a rash, which of course thrills Cristina to no end. But even better, when she pulls back the curtain the patient sees her and screams, "No! She's the mean one! I don't want her!" Cristina looks shocked, but I have to wonder if she's also a little proud to have that reputation after half an hour there.
Alex has called Derek to look at the CT of the patient he stole from Izzie; it turns out he has a tumor the size of a baseball in his head. Derek tells him to page Izzie, but he smarmily tells Derek that she gave him the patient since she was feeling sorry for him and wanted to cheer him up. Derek raises an eyebrow but merely tells Alex that means he's going to get to help him get the tumor out.
George and Mere go to Duncan's room to attempt to put in an IV. He's playing with a toy airplane and once interrupted, demands to know what it is and if it will hurt, and protests emphatically that he won't do it as his parents and Mere try to tell him it will be fine. George, however, pipes in that it's going to hurt, as it's a needle, but that it will only be for a second. This is the way I always like to have a doctor handle my hatred of shots -- truthfully -- and I've got over 20 years on Duncan. George has Mere give him an IV to prove it, and she performs the procedure smoothly. George grimaces for a second but then it's done, and having now seen it, Duncan agrees to let them do it on him. Mere goes to get another IV kit and Duncan's mom leaves the room, giving Duncan's dad a chance to tell him that he's good with kids. George shrugs it off and explains, "I was an airplane guy too when I was his age. Us airplane guys, I think we just like to know how things work." I know plenty of kids who like playing with toy airplanes and who still wouldn't consent to an IV after all that, but it's still a sweet sentiment to set up the rest of the episode for these two. Duncan then speaks up to apologize for pulling the alarm, and George tells him he already knows that. Airplane guys feel remorse, too.
Bailey yells at some interns to move, and once they scurry away continues to vent to Callie about how they have no right to act indignant. She herself starts to lean towards 'indignant' when she realizes Callie isn't listening to her. Given an opening in the conversation, she starts to babble about how she's going on a date with Hahn. Bailey's jaw literally drops, and she stares, stunned. Callie goes on about how weird it is because she's a colleague, and an attending and oh yeah, a woman. She then starts to voice her fears about going, "South!... Of the border!" What if she doesn't like it? After a moment of silence, she realizes that Bailey is gaping. Callie tells her to pretend the conversation didn't happen and runs off while Bailey still gapes.
Izzie finds her would-be neuro patient, Arnie, all settled into a hospital room. She wanders in to find out what's up and can barely keep a calm face when he tells her that his new doctor, Dr. Karev, told him he's got a huge tumor in his head. He then asks if she's seen his wife, but Izzie can only ask through gritted teeth, "Your new doctor?"
Cristina has seen her patient even though the woman wanted a "nice" doctor, and called Sloane down to check out her rash. She's totally hoping it's something surgical with a name like horribleskintis surgerydiseasis, but he snarks that it's dermatitis. He orders her to get a tube of cream from dermatology, and never to page him again like that. Chastised, she slumps up the stairs, past the Chief yelling at workers about the OR ceiling, past Bailey yelling at some interns and past Izzie recommending that she stick a needle in Alex's throat. She finds dermatology, and pushes through the door... into a waiting room filled with soft light, wood furniture, and plants. A woman, Dr. Peppman, calls to her from the desk, asking of she needs help. Cristina tells her about the cream, and Daisy tells her that the nurses are busy, but if she can wait Dr. P will get it herself, and would she like some water with raspberries while she waits? The weirdest moment, though, is when a man comes up and wordlessly starts rubbing Dr. P's hand. She explains that he's the massage therapist, and that since they do such delicate work with their hands, they need to be kept healthy! Cristina seems unable to process everything that's going on, and asks disbelievingly if every attending gets their hands rubbed. Daisy corrects that no, the attendings have their own masseuse. This guy, Chris, is just there for the residents. She's a first-year resident, and just LOVING it! I'm worried Cristina might keel over.
Derek and Mark are at a computer, watching a virtual head have its face peeled off so that they can get to its brain through its forehead and then remove the tumor behind its eyes. Mark asks Derek which of his roommates will be assisting, and just after Derek tells him it will be Alex, Izzie storms in like a little kid whining to daddy about how Alex stole her patient. She actually tries to ask, "Remember when I was telling you..." but Derek cuts off their bonding moment to tell her he doesn't give a crap, they aren't roommates when they're at work, and he's got a resident already. Alex comes in just in time to see the end of this, and grins at her. She really gets him back, calling him a son of a bitch. He answers smarmily, "Go cry to someone who cares." I don't like that they've made Alex so much of a jerk that I hate both of them right now. They're both little bitches and kind of a waste of story time right now. Once Derek and Alex are gone, Izzie whines to Mark that it isn't fair. Wow, that's really going to do a good job of making you look like a competent, professional adult. Mark just tells her that surgery is like the Wild West. "You didn't get your claim to Montana from the bank, you got it because you put a fence around it and shot the ass off anyone who walked by. Karev's a cowboy. You're not." She gapes as he walks out, clearly thinking being whiny and indignant was enough to get her ahead in the world, I guess.
Hahn is looking at Duncan's films and explains the procedure that they will be doing later. Mere asks her questions about the stuff Cristina explained earlier, seeming to impress Hahn with her knowledge. She even offers to let Mere help out stitching his arteries or some such during the procedure. After she leaves, George calls her on being a dirty liar, but admits it wasn't obvious. Out in the hallway, Hahn sees Callie get in the elevator and watches her with a goofy grin on her face. Seriously, this is the longest montage of someone getting in an elevator EVER. Bailey is off to the side and watches Hahn watch Callie, that is until Hahn notices and demands, "What?" Bailey shakes her head and assures her it's nothing.
Mere runs into the dermatology waiting room, responding to Cristina's 911 page. She's not sure what she's looking at when Cristina, sitting on a sofa, whispers to her to "Look!" and motions to the room they are in. Cristina pulls her confused friend onto the sofa and points out various residents -- one who made a cake from scratch for someone else, one who is going skiing with his girlfriend, and one who is leaving to get a facial, with the blessing of her attending since they have to get facials. Mere is now confused but more intrigued. One of the roving massage therapists walks by with a chair and Cristina excitedly explains that they have hired people to rub them, full time. There is no way that doesn't sound dirty, though she didn't mean it that way. I am just mentally twelve years old. Mere guesses that here, their boyfriends don't dig around in their things without their permission. Cristina agrees, "Never," and hugs a pillow to her. Are the dermatology residents also deaf and blind? Because I would think it was weird that two doctors were just sitting on the sofa and staring at me as I worked. Mere fesses up that she lied to Hahn about being able to do the heart procedure; Cristina laughs at her a moment but then says she'll teach her friend what to do. She tells Mere to ask Dr. Daisy Peppman for a suture kit. Mere is understandably confused by her friend sounding so chipper and happy about all of this and asks, "Who?" Cristina answers. "She's a resident. She pours fruity drinks. Because she has time for that kind of thing! And I like saying her name." The last bit she says in a dreamy voice and she puts her chin in her hand. Mere starts to lightly mock Daisy's name but Cristina cuts her off. "There's no mocking in derm! Only warmth, and light."
In a colder and darker part of the hospital, George finds Duncan's mom sitting on the floor outside his room. She's freaking out because Duncan is packing to leave, refusing to have surgery, and there's nothing she can do. Well, she can overpower him, but I know that's too literal an answer and not what she means. She sounds exhausted and tells George she doesn't even sleep any more, since she listens to Duncan breathe all night to make sure his heart hasn't stopped. George kindly tells her that there isn't a manual for being a parent to a child with heart failure. "We just need to up our game a little bit." He asks if he can try, and she tells him to go for it.
Alex and Derek have delivered the news of his tumor to Arnie, who's in a bit of shock that he's got something the size of a baseball in his head. Derek explains that's why he was lethargic, and Arnie gets a good dig in, clarifying that is also why he slept through his and his wife's vacation, not because he's boring and uninterested in other cultures. She's both sad and defensive, demanding to know how she was supposed to know. Arnie, sad and clearly freaked out, yells back that she should have given her husband the benefit of the doubt and not resorted to throwing remotes. Derek tells them to talk it over but Arnie snarks that he's sure his wife is fine with the risk, and declares he wants the surgery, and that he has nothing left to lose. Derek and Alex head out where Izzie is waiting in the hallway, whining about him possibly needing a second resident. Derek doesn't want to mediate this argument and tells her as much while Alex smirks. As Alex walks away, Izzie demands he stops and then throws some sort of plastic medical thingy (that's the technical term) at his head. He turns around with a thunderous look, but then relaxes back to a smile and leaves. A nurse has seen it all and glares at Izzie -- even better, she just continues to glare as Izzie whines about her problems. Realizing she doesn't have a sympathetic audience, she pouts that she'll go pick up what she threw. This really is like watching a toddler have a fit; it's ridiculous no matter how jerky Alex was to steal her patient.
Mere and Cristina are relaxing in the magical dermatology wing, while Mere practices stitching on some grapes in anticipation of the heart surgery later. Cristina is asking her about the journal, and offers to read it first and cross out the scary parts. Despite the nice gesture, Mere maintains that no one is reading it. Izzie then busts in yelling about both Alex stealing her patient and Derek not giving a crap (his words, in fact). I have to agree. I don't give a crap either. Cristina answers by pointing out one of the doctors in front of them, who is dragging from getting too much sleep the night before. Izzie is confused at this crazy notion and Cristina delightedly adds, "It's like watching a living freakshow!" She has taken one shoe off and pulls her sock-clad foot up on the sofa to get more comfortable while Izzie sits with them.
Bailey finds Callie scrubbing in for surgery and announces to her that she doesn't talk about sex. Callie, mortified, begs her to pretend that Callie never said anything but Bailey shuts her up, and then thinks a moment. "The vajayjay is undiscovered country. It's the motherland. You've never traveled there, you don't know its customs and ways." She compares Callie's conundrum to Bailey's wanting to visit Africa -- Bailey has to learn things about the country first, she needs shots, she needs to know how to get to the embassy. Callie is completely lost -- okay, so am I, but this speech is my favorite part of this week, it's so awesome. Bailey sighs and tells Callie just to talk to Hahn about her worries. They should set rules and discuss expectations. "How to gracefully demur if you find that you don't like... the... theeee... local cuisine." Seriously, just imagine it. Nothing I say can make that scene any better. Bailey wraps things up by telling Callie, "In Ethiopia, they eat stew off of spongy, sour bread. That's not for everyone!" Then, incredibly satisfied with herself, she leaves and Callie sighs.
George has gone in search of the girls and finds the three of them sitting in a trance on the dermatology sofa. He yells that he needs Mere but Cristina shushes him. "Harshing the vibe!" she whisper-yells. Izzie explains that they found a magical world with happy doctors and patients, where no surgeries are stolen. Cristina adds, "Everyone just rubs each other. All day long!" The twelve-year-old in me is seriously turning red with giggles. George whisper-chastises them that they don't want to be dermatologists. "Dermatologists apply lotion for a living!" Cristina sits him down to argue the point -- they are empty inside and therefore don't have to fight. "They just love lotion! Do you know how much easier our life would be if we could just love lotion?" I actually do love lotion, given that I have very dry skin. It doesn't mean I want to rub it on other people all day long. (Hee!) After some more dreamy wondering about these strange people, with Mere bitching about her mom and the journal and Izzie piping in about Alex and how she's not a cowboy who can shoot the ass off of him, George has had enough. He jumps up and in a loud voice tells them to snap out of it. First, he tells Izzie how there's always a woman in the saloon who none of the cowboys mess with. Izzie argues condescendingly that the woman in the saloon is a whore. Hey, she's having more fun than you are, lady. George just points out that no, "She just has other skills she uses to make her way in the world." He pulls her up as he tells her to use what she's got, and sends her on her way. He then pulls up Mere, saying he needs her help selling the Chief on an idea. As he pulls her away, he yells at Cristina that she's coming too. She just slumps into the couch in response.
Izzie decides to try George's way of things, and wanders into Arnie's room to check on him. He's pretty down about both having a brain tumor and having a wife that now won't even look at him. Izzie assures him that she's just freaked out, and that it's a totally common response. Arnie is afraid that maybe it's not the tumor, and she just doesn't like him. She tells him he's a likeable guy, and he compliments her back that she's a nice girl, prompting a toothpaste-commercial smile from her. She then asks casually how his new doctor is, dropping that Alex has been off his game lately but that she's sure he's fine now. I have to give credit, it's a smooth move. Clearly worried, he says he doesn't want a doctor off his game, he wants her. Innocently, she says that he can talk to Dr. Shepherd about it, and gives another gleaming grin.
Cristina makes her way back to the clinic to find her patient unable to breathe, and both the patient and her interns panicking. She yells at them to get her into the ER, and abuses them about not knowing what to do. Lexie gets a good dig back in, pointing out that she was paging Cristina repeatedly and demands to know where she was. Is part of the magic of dermatology that pager signals can't penetrate the walls?
Cristina uses a book to figure out what medicine needs to be given, but fortunately once they administer it the woman's blood pressure starts to come back up to normal. Everyone breathes a sign of relief and Cristina tells Lexie to call Bailey and to get a biopsy. She shakes her head to get the last fog of dermatology out.
Alex bursts into the scrub room where Izzie is getting ready for surgery, and he's super pissed that she stole "his" surgery. Izzie shoots back, "Using me as a doormat is one thing. Screwing with my career is another." I still can't stand her and don't expect that to change any time soon, but I will give her credit for a nice move. (That someone else had to walk her through since she couldn't come up with it on her own.) She goes on that she's been covering his ass and only gotten abuse back, and that it all ends now. One might argue that it actually ended when he turned on her a couple of weeks ago and that she's since just played the role of martyr. Alex whines to Derek that Izzie stole his surgery, but he announces that the patient requested Izzie. "Nothing I can do."
Bailey is watching Cristina's patient, and Cristina explains that a bunch of her skin had sloughed off, adding that she's surprised the woman didn't crash when she woke up that morning. Bailey is surprised Sloane didn't catch the problem, but Cristina fesses up that he probably was distracted by her telling him it was horribleskintis surgerydiseasis. She asks Bailey if she can do the biopsy, and Bailey is pleasantly surprised that Cristina is offering to do anything beyond cardio, telling her she didn't know Cristina was interested in dermatology. Cristina tries to convince her that she's only interested in the surgical aspect, but Bailey is having too much fun teasing her as she walks away.
Brain surgery time! That means it's time for me to recap this scene entirely by sound, because I do not need to see a man's face being peeled off layer by layer. Fine, a mannequin's face. The special effects team did a really good job this week, and wow can you tell they were proud of it by the amount of time they spent on this guy. Mark slices across the top of Arnie's forehead, and slowly begins to pull his face back. There's silence, which I'm sure is shots of the surgery interspersed with Meaningful Looks over surgical masks.
Hahn, George, Mere and Richard are in a meeting in Richard's office -- George has just suggested he bring Duncan into the OR to see a bit of surgery so that he knows what it's going to be like when he goes under the knife. He argues that there isn't any way for him to imagine it from scratch, and that Hahn is doing a thoroscopic procedure later that only involves three incisions and no blood. Hahn doesn't understand what good it will do, but George patiently explains that Duncan will see the people, the room and the instruments, as well as a person who is perfectly fine even when anesthetized. He yells that pinning Duncan down and doping him up is traumatic, while showing him how surgery works is an easy solution to their problem.
George clearly convinced them, since we see he's putting a cap onto Duncan, who is already in a surgical robe and booties. Duncan whispers that he doesn't want to go in, but George explains that there's no blood and it won't be scary -- it's just 3 small cuts. He stoops down to Duncan's level and admits that he was scared the first time he went in an OR, but that the people in there are the very best, and that it's the safest place he'll ever be. With that settled, he takes Duncan to the door and opens it... to a view of Arnie with his face entirely pulled down. After a beat, he breathes, "Where did that guy's face go?" Derek asks them if they are lost, and George grabs the kid and runs out.
George has him tucked under one arm as he races down the hall, Duncan screaming that he wants to see the guy with no face. George tells him that if he never tells anyone what happened, George will give him anything he wants for the rest of his life. "Okay?" "Okay." He pushes Duncan into the new OR, where a very chaste operation is going on, obscured mostly by a drape over the patient. Duncan leans in to tell George he wants to go back to the other OR, and George whispers fiercely that they aren't talking about that. "This one's boring!" Duncan whispers. "Yeah, well yours will be boring too," George answers. Hahn watches them whisper back and forth but magically somehow seems to not hear any of what they are saying.
It's time for Duncan's surgery, and he rides excitedly into the OR. He bounces around, asking where everything is, wanting to feel the suction and touch a scalpel. George has him climb onto the operating table and Duncan tells him he wants to see absolutely everything. George shows him the video camera from above, and promises him he can watch it all once it's over. Duncan is really cute, excited and giggling, as George puts the mask over his face to put him to sleep.
Back in the more exciting and disgusting OR, they work away on Arnie's tumor. I peeked over my hand long enough to see Izzie look up to see Alex taking notes. Mark catches her looking and warns her, "Cowboys don't have friends." Oh, but the ladies in the saloon do, Mark.
In Duncan's OR, Hahn gives Mere the tools to do the sutures that she promised and then compliments her work. "You can tell Dr. Yang she's a better teacher than I would have thought." Chastised, Mere apologizes. Hahn tells her to save it, advising that if she has colleagues that know more than she does, she should milk them for all they're worth. But she adds that if Mere ever lies to her again she'll cut her heart out with a steak knife. I wonder if Mere is going to be able to actually control herself and admit when she doesn't know things with that threat hanging over her head? Probably not.
Izzie finds Mrs. Arnie and tells her that the procedure went really well. Mrs. Arnie is relieved, but then spills that she's sure Arnie will never forgive her, and beats herself up for thinking he was lazy and boring. Izzie comforts her but she maintains that as his wife, she should have realized he was sick. Izzie sits down to wisely counsel her, explaining that people are terrible to those that they love, and when they are having a hard time, they take it out on one another. Izzie assures her that she's not a bad wife, she just made a mistake. Naturally, Mrs. Arnie is totally comforted by Izzie's magical personal touch and great wisdom. I just threw up a little, myself. And from across the room, Alex watches her as she leaves. Remember kids -- it's okay to be cruel to someone on a regular basis as long as deep down you love them! Sheesh.
That night, Mere and Cristina are back on the couch in dermatology. Izzie runs in to join them and asks what she missed. Cristina fills her in that one resident gave away a case to another since they thought the other would find it interesting. Izzie wonders if they would be happier if they transferred, but Cristina seems to have seen the light a bit and tells her they'd die of boredom. Mere points out they'd also die with great skin. Cristina tells them that she had about the biggest dermatological emergency one could have that day, but that ultimately all that came of it was the woman needed a biopsy. It's a little less exciting than Izzie tearing a guy's face off and Mere reattaching a child's artery to his heart and Cristina is jealous. They agree that they aren't "happy glowy people" and that they need to get out of there. However, none of them actually moves from the sofa.
Outside, Lexie asks George if he's heard about the test and when he says he hasn't, she reassures him that she's buying him a beer and it will be okay. Just then, Richard shows up and hands him a sealed envelope with his results, then walks away. George just stares at it so Lexie opens it for him and squeals that he passed. From a ways away, Richard smiles. George is stunned as Lexie tells him he's not an intern anymore and that they're going to celebrate. But once it sinks in, George jumps up, saying he's got to go tell Izzie and Meredith. Lexie agrees, but before she can tell him they'll get a drink after he tells the girls, he's already gone.
Lexie finally goes to Joe's, and George is already there with the other residents. That's just mean, and totally not George's style to be so thoughtless. He invites her to sit down but she just goes to get her own drink and sit elsewhere by herself, sad little angel clown that she is. Izzie goes up to the bar to order a drink and finds herself to Alex, who ignores her comment that George passed the exam. Derek comes in, having been looking for the two of them. He buys them a drink, then threatens that if they ever pull shit again like they did today, he'll have them thrown out of the program. Oh, one can only hope! He sees Mere and decides to just turn and leave; she watches him go with a pretty blank expression on her face. Back at the bar, Alex grabs Izzie as she turns to leave and admits that he knows he's being an ass. He's pissed off all the time but since he can't be mad at Ava for going nuts, he claims the only person in the whole world that he can be pissed at is Izzie. ... Thanks? It's a kind of strange way to show affection for someone, but she decides to stay standing at the bar with him.
A smoking-hot Callie meets Erica at the restaurant, and as soon as she sits down announces that they need to have rules. Hahn's totally confused, and it doesn't get any better when Callie explains that they need to have rules about the motherland. She desperately says that this might be the best vacation ever, but it's also mysterious and they need rules. "And an embassy. And a safe word." Hahn has no idea what's going on, so Callie adds, "Below... below the Mason-Dixon Line. Of your pants." Yup, that didn't help the confusion either. I know she's stumbling through this, but I can't believe that Erica wouldn't be able to grasp what Callie is trying (badly) to say. Callie finally admits in English that she's not sure she's ready to go all the way. Hahn agrees, like it's the most natural thing ever and she can't believe Callie didn't know this. It's very weird, it's like her only reaction to anything is the same smile and agreement each time. There's no change in expression no matter how many variations of this conversation they have. But regardless, Erica agrees and tells her that they can take it slow, maybe just to first base. Callie is totally relieved, and Erica hands her the last of her glass of wine to calm her down. She looks at the menu and after a moment Callie pipes up that maybe they could go to second base, and they smile at each other.
Meredith gets home to find Derek waiting for her, but she basically ignores him. He offers that he can move back to the trailer, which takes her by surprise and she tells him she wants him at the house. She then finally admits that he needs a place for his things, too, and offers use of the den. He points out that it's her mother's den, but she tells him, "She's not here. You are." They have a kiss that is probably supposed to be all romantic and understanding, but comes off kind of face-smooshingly awkward, without their usual chemistry. He tells Mere he loves her, and adds that she also needs a place that she can get away to. She tells him she can always go to Cristina's, but he has a better idea than that.
Voiceover time! "We like to think we're fearless, eager to explore unknown lands and soak up new experiences." Mere hands Cristina a drink. "But the fact is, we're always terrified. Maybe the terror is part of the attraction -- some people go to horror movies, we cut things open! Dive into dark water." Either Ellen really rushed through the voiceover this week or the edited it for time and nearly overlapped the sentences. It must be that they spent too much time showing off their good work with Faceless Arnie. Mere and Cristina are on a couch, and once they have drinks in hand Mere starts to read a 1977 entry from her mother's journal. VO: "And at the end of the day, isn't that what you'd rather hear about? If you've got one drink and one friend and 45 minutes? Smooth rides make for boring stories. A little calamity, that's worth talking about." The camera pans back to show the dermatology sign on a door. But it's not just any door -- it's Derek's trailer, repurposed as a place for Mere and Cristina to be safe and comfortable. As douche as Derek's been lately, it's a really heartwarming gesture and once again a really nice illustration of one of the best relationships on the show -- Meredith and Cristina's friendship. Aw.
The docs at Seattle Grace sure do act like stupid teenagers sometimes. Don't believe us? Take a tour of our Grey's Anatomy: Doctor or Highschooler? gallery and see what you have to say then!