Episode Report Card AB Chao: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I Am A Tree
By AB Chao | Season 3 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.27.2006
d is going to be okay. He asks, "Hospital? What's the matter with me?" The kid's dad has just rushed over from his car and answers, "You're an idiot. That's what's the matter with you." Oh, way to make your dying son feel better, DAD. He keeps yelling at his son for being an idiot, and finally Alex jerks him away and slams him up against a wall. Dad comes away from it with a bloody nose, and calls Alex a son of a bitch. They finally get the boy inside and the father led elsewhere, and that's when Bailey turns around to unleash her fury on Alex. "He is terrified! His child IS A TREE! Listen to me, you will not get physical on my watch, ever again. You will not question my authority. And you will not defend your LITTLE GIRLFRIEND for killing a man, ARE WE CLEAR?" Alex answers, "Crystal," and then makes bull-horns with his fingers. Oh, he does not. He just glares at Bailey and says Izzie's not his girlfriend.Meanwhile, Cristina and Mama are having some nice coffee together. Mama tells Cristina proudly that Burke graduated first in his class from Tulane. Shout-out to the Green Wave! Cristina says she did know that, and reveals that she, too, graduated first in her class. Mama is not impressed with this information, and inquires as to whether Cristina is planning to pursue a less time-consuming specialty -- after all, she does want to get married and start a family soon, correct? Jesus gay. Cristina can't get a word in edgewise, what with Mama talking about how any woman in the world would be just THRILLED to marry her Preston -- he's the most magnificent thing she's ever done, he's handsome, and he's brilliant! Luckily, the man himself walks over to save the day. Cristina's all, "Burke! Burke, Burke! Burke's here. Preston. Preston Burke is here!" Heee. Burke says he's so happy to see his two favorite ladies all in one place. Mama asks Burke what on earth he's doing out of bed; Burke gets all little-boy, and finally stutters out that he wanted to stretch his legs. Mama tells him he's supposed to be resting. Burke says he just wanted a little...um...air, and some...ah...some coffee. "Anybody want some coffee?" Oh my God. Cristina says they already have coffee, and asks him to PLEASE have a seat. Burke says he'll be just a second, and escapes. Mama turns on Cristina. "You did this. Cristina, listen to me. It's not that I don't like you. You're a very smart, very attractive woman. But you're selfish! You pulled him out of a sickbed because you were...uncomfortable. That's selfish! You are selfish, and my son is giving, and the combination? Well, it's not going to last." Aaaaaahhhh! Cristina is STUNNED. As she should be. Bless her heart. Burke comes back just then, his confidence back, but he's still whipped. "Hey hey, hi! I brought you a scone, Mama." Kill me now: I was just transported back to my freshman year in high school. And you can stick THIS up your ass, ROBBIE'S MOTHER.
Little Boy Bluge is in surgery, as his father waits anxiously outside. Bailey realizes there's no way to save his kidney, not with a tree sticking through it. Webber tells everyone to pace themselves; they've got a long way to go. Up in the gallery, Cristina is complaining about Mama. "His mother rivals MY mother, and that is saying something." She says Mama is dark -- dark and evil. In retaliation, she kicks George in the ass with her foot. "You're blocking my view, George." Meredith says she misses Dirty Stripper Cristina, because she was fun. Cristina can't believe Mama suggested she change her career. "She wants to call me a racist? I'll call her sexist. What is this, 1953?" She says next time Mama comes at her, she's "going there." Mere says she agrees -- they should all tell the truth, spit it out, go with their guts, follow their instincts. Cristina: "I miss Philandering Whore Meredith. She was much more trashy, and much less idyllic." Heh. George turns around and randomly asks the girls if some women have two sets of panties, like they would wear for different occasions. The girls ignore him. Mere tells Cristina she's made a choice: she's picking Derek. "Finn is great, but Derek is...Derek. And I'm following my gut." Cristina says whatever, she just wants her patient back, the one Meredith stole after "Mama" cornered her. Mere says that's fine; she needs to go check on Izzie anyway.
Hot Man Nurse pages George to Mrs. Seabury's room and informs him that she was caught shoplifting chocolates from the hospital gift shop. George can't believe it, but Mrs. Seabury is all, "I've never done that before! It was exhilarating!" She is annoying me. Hot Man Nurse says she's also planning to leave. George tells her she can't leave -- she's supposed to be resting. Mrs. Seabury is not interested in either surgery or her 60% chance of survival. She says she's spent her entire life stifling every impulse and following every rule, and she's done. "I'm claiming my life, Doctor. I can't do that from a hospital bed." George says she doesn't actually know she'll die. Mrs. Seabury: "Maybe. But at least when I do, I'll know that I have lived." She takes a bite of one of her stolen chocolates and experiences another, uh, moment. Mrs. Seabury really does need to get out more often.
Meredith arrives home and calls out for Izzie. Instead, she discovers Izzie's crazy baking frenzy in the kitchen. She picks up a muffin and the doorbell rings. It's Finn! Finn is cute. He asks Mere what she's doing there, and she explains that she is, she just came home to check on Izzie. Finn says he did too, AND he brought her lunch. Aw, Finn. He says there wasn't really anything anyone could say to make him feel better when his wife died, but the bringing of food actually helped. Meredith is immediately in love with him again because he brought Izzie food even though he knew she wasn't there. I can't blame her. She starts listing off all the things he is: sweet, kind, sensitive, et cetera. Finn tells her that he knows she has a decision to make, and he doesn't want to rush her, but he does want to make one thing clear. Mere: "What's that?" Finn: "I'm not all that sensitive." And then he KISSES HER. Because he's SO CUTE. Dear Lord, how am I ever going to make a decision about my two imaginary TV boyfriends? Commercials.
Bailey leaves the OR to give "Mr. Hernandez" an update on his son's progress. He's frantic, but relieved that his son is still alive, even though they've had to remove his kidney and a portion of his bowel and, you know, there's still a tree impaling his entire mid-section. Bailey goes back into surgery, and Mr. Hernandez sits back down again. Aw, now I feel bad for the mean jackass.
Joe's Bar. It's the middle of the day, and business is slow. Joe wipes down a counter, then looks up to see Izzie walking in with two huge baskets of muffins. Even in the midst of her incredible grief, she's found time to wrap the muffins lovingly in a pair of decorative towels. It's heartbreaking. Anyway, she looks like shit, like she hasn't slept in days. She tells Joe that she was running out of room and thought maybe he'd like some. She adds flatly she's a good baker, and it nearly does me in. Joe says absolutely, thanks her, and takes the muffins. Aw, Joe. Suddenly, a very drunk Addison stumbles over. "Dr Stevens!" Izzie tells her not to call her "Doctor." Addison plops herself unsteadily onto a barstool and slurs, "Oookay. Please don't call me Mrs. Shepherd. Haaaa! That's funny." Izzie observes that Addison is drunk. Joe agrees. Addison asks Izzie if she knows about the slutty sex her slutty friend had with her super-slutty husband. Izzie tells Addison she should have a muffin -- they're really good, and they'll help. Addison: "I may be beyond help." Izzie: "Yeah. Me too. Don't let her drive, Joe." She walks out. Addison munches on a muffin. (Hee.) That was the worst (best) scene ever.
Cristina watches from outside Burke's room, where her boyfriend and Mama are having a big old time. Meredith passes by with a bag full of muffins and comments, "She's still here." Cristina says she never leaves; she never even pees. "I'm not entirely sure she's human!" Meredith tells her ab