Somethin' Stupid

S04E09

We resume right where we left off -- Boring New Rachel has just fainted, and the entire New Directions has dragged her off to the music room. And for leaving the stage during the performance, New Directions is disqualified, losing Sectionals. Sue wastes no time in seizing the music room, the April Rhodes Civic Pavilion, and any other possible rehearsal space the New Directions could use. And with no more competitions to practice for, the kids of the glee club all decide to move on to other things. Finn is despondent until a phone call from Rachel reminds him that the real glee in glee doesn't come from competing, but from the love of music. Marley finds a new rehearsal space (the Improbable Outdoor Cafeteria), and a heartfelt e-mail from Finn convinces the rest of the kids to return. Yay?

In New York, Rachel gets one of ten invitations to perform in the Winter Showcase, which is apparently also a competition. After a sing- and dance-off with Cassie July, Rachel realizes that the only way she'll possibly win is to concentrate on her singing, since she can't dance for shit. And she sings a lovely song, gets asked to do an encore, and wins the Showcase.

It's also that time of year when Kurt has to reapply to Fake New York Theater School. Carmen Thibodeaux rejects him at first, but then spontaneously invites him to sing a song at the Showcase. He opens himself up emotionally, and vocally, and gets accepted.

Finally, Sam and Brit-Brit start dating, risking the wrath of internet-loving lesbians everywhere. Leave Brittany alone!

Featuring American classic "Somethin' Stupid," sung by Sam and Brit-Brit; "All That Jazz," from Chicago, sung by Cassie Julie and Rachel; "Being Good Isn't Good Enough," from Hallelujah Baby, sung by Rachel; "O Holy Night," sung by Rachel; "Being Alive," from Company, sung by Kurt; and Crowded House's "Don't Dream It's Over," sung by the New Directions.

We open in the music room, where the New Directions are bringing a non-deceased Marley so she can recover from last episode's fainting spell. Everyone runs around getting a juice box for Marley while Jake explains to Finn that she's been skipping meals. Santana's in the room, and she calls Kitty out for causing Marley's implausible food issues. Will joins them and tells the New Directions (sans Marley) to get their asses back out on stage, since leaving the stage risks immediate disqualification. So he finally read the rule book? Sue enters to tell them that it's too late; the judges have invoked that rule, and awarded the win to the Warblers. Topes lose... Topes lose... Topes lose. Title card.

Improbably Bohemian Bushwick Loft. Kurt and Rachel are cleaning up from their kiki. Kurt has just spoken with Blaine on the phone and reports the news of New Directions' loss to Rachel. So either Kurt and Rachel's party lasted from 7:00 to 7:30 or Blaine waited until the wee hours of the morning (or even the evening?) to call Kurt with the bad news. They chat about the whys and wherefores, and Rachel wonders aloud if she should call Finn. Kurt asks her if she thinks that it will make Finn feel better, and she decides that it won't. Not because she fears Finn thinks she's some kind of shrewish harpy, but because she fears it will remind him of the loss of their relationship. Kurt tells Rachel that the bad news from Lima has made him focus on taking advantage of the chances he has in life, which means he really wants to put everything he can into his audition for the Fake Theater School because he's decided that if he doesn't get in this time, he's going to move on to some other plan. And then he expositions about the golden tickets Carmen Thibodeaux should be handing out any day now. Apparently, these are invitations to perform at the Winter Showcase, and only ten of them are handed out. And only one freshman has gotten one in the last seven years.

Kurt drops the needle on a vinyl record and plays the "Ebben? Ne andrò lontana" aria from La Wally. (And if you have never seen Diva, you had better watch it before the time I see you.) Anyway, Kurt describes what a tremendous honor it is to be invited to perform at the Winter Showcase as we see Carmen Thibodeaux hand-writing the invitations and sealing them with her signet and then striding through the halls of the Fake New York Theater School to hand one out. To, you guessed it, Rachel. Because she's just that special.

By LTG

McKinley. Finn walks towards the music room and is puzzled to find a line of Cheerios carrying all of the chairs out of the room. He enters to find that Sue has claimed possession of the room and is planning to use it as Cheerios practice space. For some reason, Sue also thinks this means she gets possession over all of the New Directions paraphernalia in the room, so she plans to take the Nationals trophy and run it over. This leads to a tug-of-war between Sue and Finn over the trophy, which they eventually both decide to carry to the Maharishi's office.

In said office, they are joined by Will, who doesn't understand why Figgins, who once charged Will for the privilege of running the glee club, would take the club's space away. Figgins, mercenary that he is, pointed out that with no more competitions for the New Directions this year, he couldn't hold space for them that could be used for more profitable endeavors. Which means that there is no space in the entire school that they can use for rehearsals. Finn turns the keys over to Sue, but turns down her offer to break the bad news to the kids on his behalf.

Sue's office. A mournful dirge plays as she confesses to Becky that even though she's finally got what she wanted, she can't help but worry what the end of glee club will mean for the poor losers who make up New Directions. We get quick flashes to a number of glee club members, telling us what the lack of glee has driven them to in just a few short months. Tina: "I'm a drug mule in the Lima crack district." Artie: "I was forced to sell my legs to science." Blaine: "I'm performing on the bathhouse circuit." Brit-Brit: "I'm a finance major at Brandeis. Turns out glee club was really holding me back." Still in her office, Sue asks the universe to send her a sign that she's doing the right thing by destroying the New Directions.

At that moment, Tinkles (a.k.a. Brad) knocks on her door. "Sue Sylvester? I cannot thank you enough. I can't tell you how much I hate those kids. Do you know how demeaning it is when they just turn to you and yell 'hit it,' and you're just supposed to know what song they're gonna sing? I'm free. Free!" Well, that was the sign that Sue needed, so Blaine will just have to get used to singing in very humid environments.

Music room. The kids are sitting on the risers (since the chairs have been removed), and Finn and Will have just broken the news that there'll be no more glee club until September. Tina blames the entire fiasco on Marley. Finn reminds them that they still have to prepare for the holiday concert, which is in a week. The kids can't believe he expects them to sing in front of everyone after their humiliating loss. Commercials.

By LTG

Brit-Brit is walking down a crowded hallway when she notices a line of 'O'-shaped oat-y cereal on the floor, leading down the corridor. Mmmmm, Floorios! She bends down, picks up the first piece, and eats it. And then works her way down the line. All while more hygienically-minded viewers gag and freak out throughout the land. She eventually follows the line of tasty yet disgusting treats to an empty office, where Sam is waiting with a glass of milk to wash down the fiber and germs she just crammed down her gullet. He's waiting there to confess to her that he's totally into her, since she's the only person who understands him. Brit: "That's 'cause you're a genius. And most people don't understand geniuses. Like most people didn't understand Einstein or the Spice Girls until it was too late." Brit-Brit also tells him that she's pretty into him as well. Sam tells her that the saddest thing about glee club ending is that he won't have a chance to sing a real love song with her, so he has lured her into this empty classroom to sing a song. Did I mention the band was hovering in the corner? Because they are.

Anyway, the two of them sing the American classic "Somethin' Stupid." (Enjoy that video of a brother and sister singing this love song to each other. Sinatra family values!) And although they have great dumb blond chemistry together, Brit thinks they can't be together. Because apparently she and Santana became so famous as young lesbians that if Brit starts dating a guy, the women who post at, say, Pam's House Blend will hunt him down. I just can't even address the stupidity of this.

Dance class. Rachel is prancing about when Cassie July comes over and gives her some constructive criticism. Rachel asks if she can get a sip of water. Cassie gives her permission to do so, and then stops the class to mock Rachel for thinking it's okay to stop whenever you feel like it. And have permission from the teacher. Rachel gets defensive and accuses Cassie of not seeing how good Rachel really is. So Cassie proposes a dance-off. And the two of them launch into "All That Jazz," from Chicago. As always, Rachel can look kind of sexy while she moves around, but she really can't dance. And the camera tricks they use to disguise that fact really don't. The number makes it clear that Rachel isn't nearly as good a dancer as her dance teacher. So if she wants to do well at the Winter Showcase, she needs to focus on her singing. Oh, and also, we learn that the showcase is apparently a competition of some kind. Commercials.

Kurt enters Mme Thibodeaux's office. He's there to ask her if she got her application package. She did, including the video of him performing "the acoustic version of Wham's 'Wake Me Up Before You Go Go.'" And she wasn't impressed. He's a fantastic showman, but she feels like all she's seen from him is surface, with no complexity, depth or soul. So, he's rejected.

McKinley. Artie, dressed as a drum major, runs into Tina and Blaine dressed as Cheerios. They've each moved on to new activities to take the place of glee club. And then they're joined by Blake and Ryder, who are wearing their basketball uniforms. And then Not-so-Unique stumbles in the hallway on her roller blades -- she's joined the school's floor hockey team. And then Tarantula Head walks up and tells him that he's joined the Interfaith Paintball League, where "Christians, Jews and Muslims can shoot at each other safely."

Auditorium. The McKinley High Village People have arrived to tell Finn that they're all quitting glee club for these new activities. He's super disappointed, but his guilt trip doesn't really work on them. He tells them he's secured the auditorium for rehearsal for a six-minute window late Friday night, and he hopes they'll be there. They all wander off without making a commitment one way or the other. I mean, except for Marley, who tells him she'll be there. Whatever, Newsboy.

Sam's locker. Brit-Brit walks up to him and the rack of 20 lip balms he has mounted on the inside of his locker door to ask him a question. And that question is whether he's going to the glee club rehearsal on Friday night. Because if he's not, she thinks they should go out together. To the VIP booth at BreadstiX. She's decided to risk the wrath of lesbian bloggers everywhere. And then they kiss. Commercials.

Magical round performance space at Fake New York Theater School. It's time for the Winter Showcase. After Mme Thibodeaux welcomes everyone, she introduces the first performer, a dancer. And we cut away before we can see if she's any good, where we find Rachel in the ... lobby, or stairs, or something, of the theater. She's wearing her white silk and rhinestone Special Snowflake dress. Brody walks up to her to reminder that she's among the best of the best and that she shouldn't be nervous. She feels surprisingly calm. And then she kisses him before he walks away. And then Kurt interrupts to tell her that she's on.

Back in the magical round performance space, Mme Thibodeaux introduces Rachel. And then she sings "Being Good Isn't Good Enough," from Hallelujah Baby. And it's totally gorgeous and moving, as you would expect. When she finishes, the audience leaps to their feet, and there are calls for an encore, only one of which comes from Brody. Rachel looks to Mme Thibodeaux for approval, and after receiving a small nod, sings "O Holy Night." Because every Jewish girl has a favorite religious Christmas carol. As she sings, we see Finn packing up all of the glee club materials in the music room, including the trophies. We also see Mme Thibodeaux sneak a glance over at Kurt, who is raptly caught up in Rachel's performance. After Rachel finishes, Mme Thibodeaux announces a brief intermission, "and when we come back, if he thinks he's ready, we'll have a performance from Mr. Hummel." BAM! Commercials.

By LTG

The same lobby/stairwell where Rachel kissed Brody. Kurt is freaking out; he feels ambushed by Mme Thibodeaux, completely unprepared to sing a song, especially in front of such an illustrious crowd. Rachel reminds him that he has an entire repertoire of songs at his disposal. But he doesn't have any props or dance routine planned. Rachel reminds him that his most amazing performances have been small, intimate pieces, with no props or costumes. And then the intermission is over, and Kurt enters the magical round performance space and sings "Being Alive," from Company. And it's freaking awesome. I know Chris Colfer wants to write and direct, but if he gives up performing, that will really suck. He gets a standing ovation of his own, and then we go to commercials. Again.

Finn's in his bedroom, staring at all the boxed up trophies. His phone rings. He sees that it's Rachel, answers it, and says, "Rachel, it's Finn. You butt dialed me again." Except that she didn't butt dial him. She just wanted to hear his voice. He tells her that everybody is giving up on glee club now that they've lost and are done competing for the year. She tells him that glee club isn't about competing, and he reminds her that she lives to compete. Speaking of competition, he asks how she did that night. She won. Of course. Finn seems genuinely happy for her. She tells him that even if they had never won anything, her time in glee club would have been worth it. It's about the love of the music, and unlikely friendships, and dancing, and even doomed, stupid, adolescent romances. She tells him not to let the kids give up on their dreams, and not to give up on his.

By LTG

Auditorium, late on Friday night. Finn is waiting on the kids, and Marley is the only one who shows up. She tells him that she found a place they can practice, but it probably doesn't matter since all the other kids gave up.

Somewhere at McKinley, Finn sits down and writes a heartfelt e-mail to the entire glee club while Simple Minds' "Don't You Forget About Me" plays in the background. Sure, just spit on my adolescence, show. We see the kids in their various activities getting and reading the e-mail, which reminds them that the glee club is about the love of music. He asks them all to come to the new rehearsal space at 5:00. I hope they all get detention.

Unlikely Outdoor Cafeteria. It's dark and snowing, and Finn and Marley and the band are waiting to see if any other kids arrive. Marley apologizes for the fact that her massive stupidity caused her to think she was getting fat even though all of her clothes fit exactly as they always had, which led to her starving herself, which led to her fainting away the New Directions' chances of winning Sectionals. He tells her, "Well, you and I are still here, right." And then the band walks off in disgust over the fact that he refuses to acknowledge their presence. Or they don't, and they start to play Crowded House's "Don't Dream It's Over." Finn and Marley start to sing. And as the song goes on, the other kids arrive and join in.

And as the song still plays in the background, Rachel walks into the Improbably Bohemian Bushwick Loft to find Kurt, holding a letter and in tears. She asks him what happened. What happened is that he got into the Fake New York Theater School. Duh.

LTG lives in Boston, where he's a full-time pension and benefits attorney and part-time detention monitor. You can reach him at ltg.jon@gmail.com.