Adios

S03E22

It's time for graduation, which means lots of sappy songs and nostalgic memories. Everybody sings lots of songs to say goodbye, and we get some nice flashbacks to first season scenes. A few actual plot developments happen. First, we learn that Mercedes has been offered a gig as a backup singer in L.A., so she plans to move there and study part-time while singing. Second, Santana really doesn't want to go to Kentucky to be a cheerleader, especially after learning that Brit isn't going to graduate (what with her 0.0 GPA). Santana's fabulous mother, played by Gloria Estefan, is reluctant to support Santana's dream of going to NY to pursue a show-biz career, but she eventually comes around. Puck, inspired by a magic kiss from Quinn, regains his confidence and passes his exam, allowing him to graduate. And Burt's graduation gift to Kurt is a recreation of Kurt's famous "All the Single Ladies" dance performance. And they all graduate.

The biggest plot development is that Finn and Kurt both fail to get into their chosen New York schools, while Rachel is accepted to the Fictional New York Theater School. Rachel decides she doesn't want to leave Finn behind or be in New York without Kurt, so she elects to defer her admission for a year to stick around and help them perfect their auditions so they can all go together. But Finn finally develops some kind of a brain, and on the way to their wedding he ambushes her by bringing her to the train to New York, where her fathers are waiting to look at the dorms with her. Finn insists that she go to New York, and to be certain she doesn't hang around waiting for him, he's joined the army. So, no wedding, and a tear-filled Amtrak solo from Rachel.

Featuring: Rod Stewart's "Forever Young," performed by Will; Bruce Springsteen's "Glory Days," performed by Puck during the graduation ceremony; Madonna's "I'll Remember," performed by Kurt; The Beatles' "In My Life," performed by the underclasspersons; Room for Two's "Roots Before Branches," performed by Rachel; and the New Radicals' "You Get What You Give," performed by the graduating seniors. Oh, and a reprise of "Sit Down, You're Rocking the Boat," from the very first episode.

Will is walking through the crowd in the school hallway in slow motion. He walks into the music room, straight into a flashback to the original five New Directions singing "Sit Down You're Rocking the Boat," from the very first episode. Is Will having a stroke? No, actually, the First Five are just recreating the performance for their fellow glee club members (although there is a snippet of actual flashback incorporated into the scene as viewed by Will). This recreated performance does not end with Artie colliding with the wall of the music room, however. There are some jokes about how insanely bad that number was, and then Will gives everyone their last assignment of the year -- find songs to use to say goodbye to each other. And then he starts things off, singing Rod Stewart's "Forever Young."

Cut to Kurt walking through the hall, lost in the middle of his own nostalgic voiceover about how far he's come, from dainty closet case to flag waving homo superstar. Since you've all been watching the show, I won't bother to repeat all the details. It is nice to see that Kurt and Blaine's (and presumably Santana and Brit's) example has made it easier for kids to be out at McKinley, as we see a couple of gay underclassmen giving a passing nod to Kurt. Kurt enters the auditorium, where Burt is waiting for him. Kurt fears that Burt's there because his letter from Fictional New York Theater School has arrived, but Burt's just there to give Kurt his graduation present. He tells Kurt that once he turned seven or eight, the two of them started drifting apart, and they didn't start coming back together until sometime in the show's fourth episode. You remember, Kurt was wearing a unitard. And then Burt, accompanied by Tina and Brit, recreates Kurt's "All the Single Ladies" dance. He does not wear a unitard, although he does don a single sparkly glove. We also get some flashbacks to the original performance. My God, Kurt looked so young back then. Present-day Kurt has an absolutely gleeful reaction to the performance. As do we all.

Kurt and Blaine are walking into an empty classroom. Kurt declares Burt's present to be the best graduation present ever, which makes Blaine feel bad about his monogrammed towels. And then Blaine wants to have a talk about "the future." And he's not talking about flying cars, or the Singularity. Kurt asks for just two more days of denial before they have to confront reality. Now, you might think that Kurt is forgetting that they have the entire summer together before Kurt leaves for school (potentially), but you don't realize that in the Glee-verse, all graduating high school seniors are forced to spend two months in sensory deprivation tanks before they start college. So Kurt will be too busy turning into an ape man to spend the summer with Blaine. Blaine insists on having the conversation. He's worried that they won't be able to survive a long distance relationship. Except that he doesn't count on Kurt to promise that they will figure out how to make it work and have a long and happy life together. Well, if Kurt promises, I don't see what could possibly go wrong. In other news, kids are stupid.

By LTG

And then we're in the music room, where Kurt is about to sing his goodbye song. He's decided to dedicate it to the guys in the room, who never made him feel like he was less than a man. I mean, once they stopped throwing him in dumpsters. And then he sings Madonna's "I'll Remember."

Hallway. Rachel finds Kurt and Finn at a locker, and tells them that she's learned that their letters from Pace (home of Inside the Actors Studio) and Fictional New York Theater School were sent out and are due any day now. And they agree to all wait to open their letters until they're together. And they pinky-swear on it. Nobody better break that promise! Commercials.

Santana walks around the corner, straight into a balloon ambush. Sam is celebrating Mercedes' success -- it seems that on the strength of a video he posted on YouTube, she's been offered a job as a backup singer for an "indie label" in L.A. Do independent music labels really maintain stables of backup singers on the payroll? Is Sam planning on using a time machine to shoot Mercedes back to some earlier era of the music business? In any case, Mercedes is going to take the job and take college classes at night. Or something. Santana swallows her burning rage and jealousy long enough to very sincerely congratulate Mercedes. Who in turn is extremely grateful to Sam. And then Sam tells Santana that Mike also got some great news.

Cut to BreadStix, where Mama Santana, played by Gloria Estefan, is telling Brit and Santana that it should have been obvious to her that Santana was gay after she dressed as Uncle Jesse from Full House for Halloween when she was eight. I think it would have been more telling if she had dressed as Uncle Jesse from Dukes of Hazzard. Brit's thrilled that Santana's parents wanted nothing more than her happiness, and they commiserate for a moment about Santana's wicked grandmother and her refusal to support Santana's dreams. Santana takes that moment to tell her mother that she doesn't want to go to that college in Louisville, but wants to go to New York instead, to pursue some kind of performing career. And after all the work Sue went through to forge Santana's college application. Mama Santana tells her to go to college because New York will still be there after she earns her degree. She tries to change the subject by asking Brit about her post-graduation plans, which is when Brit breaks the news that she's not graduating. Santana is shocked to hear it. Brit: "What did you think was gonna happen to me? I have a zero-point-zero grade point average." Yeah, Santana, who's the dumb one now? Santana reinforces my fears about her intelligence by telling them that if Brit is sticking around Lima for another year, she might as well do the same.

And now it's time for the graduating seniors to sing the New Radicals' "You Get What You Give" to everybody they're leaving behind. That was sweet.

And now it's time for Rachel and Finn to bicker about the selection of chairs for their wedding reception. Rachel doesn't want her butt to have to settle, and Finn tells her he's worried that what she's really settling for is him. Well, that was abrupt and out of nowhere. Rachel reassures him that she doesn't care who gets into what school -- it's marrying him that is what she's really looking forward to. Commercials.

Now it's Finn's turn for a voiceover as he walks down the hall. He remembers starting the school year with no idea what he wanted to do with his life. He used to be scared of the future, but not anymore: "I'm marrying a great girl. And I'm moving to New York to chase my dreams with her and my gay step-brother." You guys, that would have been the best sitcom ever. In 1989. He's so confident because he nailed his Actors Studio audition. Which, as we see in a flashback, was performed for James Lipton himself. Wait, now I'm worried that Finn is having some kind of stroke. Anyway, flashback Lipton tells Finn that he was moved by his application letter. So moved that he's considering letting him into the program, even though it's technically a master's degree program. Wow, Lipton must have a real soft spot for stories about dead fathers who turn out to be junkies instead of war heroes. Unfortunately, the flashback ends before we actually see Finn's monologue.

Finn's arrived at Will's office, which was his destination. He's there to get his yearbook, which he left with Will to sign. Y'all, that is the skinniest yearbook I've ever seen. Is it really a yearbook, or just a large package for a disc containing all the photos? Anyway, Finn is unhappy with the unsentimental pap Will has written, but Will tells him he couldn't write what he really felt without turning into a puddle of tears. And then Will confesses about that time so long ago when he planted a joint in Finn's locker in order to blackmail him into joining New Directions. Finn has a shocked look on his face. But he's really just shocked that Will would ever actually be that cool.

Finn's at home, clutching a photo of his father while sitting in his dad's old armchair. Carol tells him that he can have the chair, which will likely be the only piece of furniture that will fit into his tiny New York rathole. Finn starts talking about feeling like he failed in his efforts to get his father's discharge recorded as honorable. Which I guess is something that he devoted tons of time and energy to, even though we never once saw it mentioned on screen. Finn tells us that he learned that his dad was an actual war hero, saving the lives of guys who now have kids who are Finn's age before he became a drug addict. Finn doesn't think that becoming an actor will actually redeem his father's memory. Y'all, if we were supposed to pick careers that would redeem our parents' bad decisions... I can't even finish that sentence, it's such a stupid notion.

And now it's time for the underclasspersons to sing to the seniors. They've selected a lovely rendition of The Beatles' "In My Life." Which they dedicate to Finn, for ... being their friend? Pulling them out of port-a-potties? I'm really not certain. I mean, Puck's the one who stopped throwing them in dumpsters. Commercials.

Oh, hey, now it's Quinn's turn for a voiceover. Unlike the others, who were clearly walking, she seems to be gliding down the hallway. She tells us that she's finishing school the way she started it, on top. And unlike everybody else, she's not feeling that emotional. She thinks that's partly because her friends have become such amazing people that she's not worried about them. All except for one. That one being Puck, who Quinn sees being tutored in geography by Coach Beiste. Quinn's V.O. tells us that she's decided to try to give back a little bit of everything she's received.

Cut to the Novack. Quinn enters to find Rachel brushing her hair. They celebrate their newfound friendship. And then Quinn gives Rachel a train pass to use to get from New York to New Haven, so that they can visit each other. She wants to be certain the two of them really do stay in touch. Quinn tells Rachel that even though she's not really in favor of teen weddings, she's glad that Rachel and Finn are ending up together. Rachel tells Quinn that she always thought Quinn and Puck were meant to be. Really? I mean, they had a baby, sure, but they weren't really that memorable a couple, were they?

And now cut to Quinn's bedroom, where she's helping Puck study. He's completely lacking in confidence and certain he'll fail. He tries to ditch, but she tells him that she loves him, 'cause he was her first. She cares about him, and they're connected for life. She reminds him that when he got into her pants, he was full of confidence. He needs to find that again and he'll pass the test. And since one thing this show has taught us is that female sexuality is a gift that women give to men (rather than, you know, something for themselves to enjoy), she kisses him to give him his confidence back.

And her kiss is magic, as Puck's voiceover tells us while he's swaggering into the classroom to take the retest.

Sue's office. Sue is polishing a giant trophy while rubbing it into Black Sue's skin that she, White Sue, retains sole control of the Cheerios. Who apparently won another national championship since the last episode. After they finish insulting each other, Black Sue admits defeat. But she also suggests that the two of them work together to get rid of Figgins, since they both think it's a crime that such an idiot runs the school. White Sue and Black Sue working together for evil? I knew integration wasn't always a good thing.

And then Quinn arrives. She's there to return her Cheerios uniform. Shouldn't she have done that when she quit the team last year? Oh, this is all just an excuse for an emotional scene in which Sue tells Quinn that she admires her for being slightly less evil than Sue. Sure, that all makes sense. Commercials.

Puck, Finn, Mike Chang, Kurt, Santana and Rachel pace outside the office of Puck's geography teacher. Quinn arrives to ask what's going on. Wasn't she the one who helped him study? Shouldn't she have known when he was taking the test? In any case, they're all assembled to wait for the geography teacher to grade the test. And then she does, and gives it to Puck, who is thrilled to see that he passed. Which means he can graduate!

By LTG

And her kiss is magic, as Puck's voiceover tells us while he's swaggering into the classroom to take the retest.

In the weirdest graduation ceremony ever. Puck sings Bruce Springsteen's "Glory Days," while Figgins calls out the names of New Directions seniors in random, non-alphabetical order. And the graduates then walk out from the wings and join all their classmates on the stage. Also, there are apparently fewer than 100 graduates. Maybe this is the special graduation ceremony for kids who have overcome great adversity and/or have tearjerking stories? And all the normal kids went through a more sane and traditional graduation ceremony? Sure, that'll do. (And I just realized that the strange woman standing to Quinn's mother is Puck's mom. Way to reach back into the first season casting file, show! But Rachel's dads aren't there. Because it's not like they have Jeff Goldblum money for more than one episode.)

And now the big final scene. Finn honks the horn on his car and Rachel comes out of her house and gets in. They're heading... somewhere, with her dress and shoes and makeup, to get married. Where are her fathers, you ask? They're apparently still "being weird" about the wedding, refusing to discuss it with her. Rachel, that's not "being weird." It's "refusing to give your blessing to an utterly moronic idea." But Finn's being weird too. He's brought her not to the church or VFW or whatever, but to the train station. Because he's putting her on the train to New York, where her fathers will help her pick out her summer sensory deprivation tank. Or, I mean, help her look at the dorms she'll be living in when school starts in the fall. Because her dads have flown on ahead of her, I guess. Finn won't let her defer her dream. And to make sure she doesn't rebel against his manly orders and hang around Lima to wait for him, he's joined the army. He'll be leaving in just a few days. There will be no wedding. It's all very teary, and Rachel thinks she's being dumped. But Finn tells her that if they're meant to be together it will happen. I'm guessing over the course of the first four to six episodes fall. Finn tells her that he needs her to join him in surrendering to fate, and after a lot of tears, she does.

And then she gets on the train and sings Room for Two's "Roots Before Branches." And all of her friends are gathered there on the platform to wave goodbye. I can't believe she's singing in the quiet car. The song lasts all the way to New York. Rachel has apparently dug a tunnel by hand from Penn Station to Grand Central, since she's clearly aware it makes for a more dramatic entrance to the city. And then she walks about ten miles all over mid-town, wearing a jaunty red pillbox cap. I keep expecting her to run into Ann Marie or Mary Richards (in town to visit Rhoda, duh.) There's a really nice transition during this song from Rachel being utterly devastated to really looking forward to what the future has in store for her. Which is really what most train/plane/bus/car rides to college are like.

LTG lives in Boston, where he's a full-time pension and benefits attorney, and a part-time quiet car rule enforcer. You can reach him at ltg.jon@gmail.com.

By LTG

LTG lives in Boston, where he's a full-time pension and benefits attorney, and a part-time quiet car rule enforcer. You can reach him at ltg.jon@gmail.com.