By Demian
In Ohio: A school-wide blackout inspires Mr. Schue to have the children go all Unplugged as this week's pre-Regionals assignment, and New Finn ends up confessing a deep, dark secret to everyone that prompts Pretty Kitty to confess a strikingly similar deep, dark secret to him alone in return. However, just when it seems like the two kiddies might be drawing closer together, romantically speaking, over their shared past misfortunes, New Finn veers away from her to continue his pursuit of that Mysterious Internet Correspondent Who Is Probably Still Not-So-Unique.
In New York: Sarah Jessica Parker returns to host a Vogue-sponsored spring gala for The New York City Ballet, recruiting St. Gay Of Lima, The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway, and the somewhat directionless Santana Lopez as her assistants, because of course she does. Naturally, and almost in spite of herself, Santana falls under Sarah Jessica Parker's fabulously-attired spell, much as St. Gay and Old Idiot Rachel themselves did in the past, and after a few heartfelt exchanges just prior to the party, Santana emerges from the experience with a newfound sense of purpose. Or something like that.
Meanwhile: Coach Sylvester is now quite happily working as an aerobics instructor, thank you very much, and neither the gentle cajoling of Dreamboat Blaine nor the desperate pleas of Becky Jackson will draw her back to The Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High ever again. Well, until Jane Lynch is done with her stint on Broadway, at least.
Featuring "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' (Plus A Couple Of Gs, Apparently)" by The Righteous Brothers, as performed by Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen and his gee-tar; a fairly exacting recreation of this piece of softcore Swedish exercise porn, with vocals by Steve Winwood; that little-known R.E.M. classic "Everybody's Molested," as performed by New Finn; a Stomp-flavored version of Queen's "We Will Rock You," as sung by (most of) The Glee Guys, with backup provided by (most of) The Glee Gals; "Little Girls" from Annie, as performed by Coach Sylvester; "At The Ballet" from A Chorus Line, as performed by Santana Lopez and Sarah Jessica Parker, with a little support from Old Idiot Rachel and St. Gay Of Lima; and Billy Joel's "The Longest Time," as performed by the kiddies of The New New Directions.