Glee TV Show - Showmance - Glee Recaps, Glee Reviews, Glee Episodes | TWoP

Recapped by LTG · Aired 2009-09-09

Sigh. It's finally here. New episodes of Glee, after a long summer of videos, singles, and Hot Topics appearances. (Which, by the way, happened while I had to work. So unfair!)

So, what happened this week? Well, Terri (aided by her sister) convince Will that if they're going to have a baby, they really need a new house. Because she just can't live without the grand foyer, he takes a second job as the school's night time janitor. This results in some sexy flirting time with Emma, who just can't resist the sight of a man scraping gum off the bottom of a desk. However, she realizes just how wrong it was to be pursuing a married man with a baby on the way, and agrees to go to Tulipalooza with Coach Ken.

In a parallel development, Rachel is smitten with Finn. On Emma's advice, she decides to find a common interest with him, and joins the Celibacy Club. That lasts for one whole meeting, at the end of which she tells the boys the big secret that girls want sex just as much as boys do. Finn decides that perhaps the non-celibacy club would be more fun to join, and ends up kissing Rachel during a private rehearsal. Unfortunately, he has a little accident of the non-automotive variety, and runs away, embarrassed, after making her promise not to tell anyone about the kissing.

On the Glee Club front, Sue reminds Will that in order to compete at regionals, the club must have twelve members. In order to attract new recruits, he decides that the club should perform "Freak Out" at a pep rally. Rachel recognizes that disco is lame, and her experience with the Celibacy Club also helps her see that the kids are all secretly desperate for some sexy time, so she secretly arranges for the gleesters to perform a smoking hot rendition of "Push It." The result is a standing ovation, new restrictions on what the club can perform, and a decision by Quinn and two unnamed Cheerios to join Glee so that they can keep an eye on Rachel and Finn.

Before everything is over, Terri discovers that she was just having a hysterical pregnancy. But she can't bring herself to tell Will that, and instead lies to him that she's having a boy. But she does tell him that he can quit his janitorial job because she's decided they can raise their (fictitious) baby in their current apartment.

Also, Sue is as hysterically, insanely funny as you would expect. And Emma wears a number of delightful outfits.

Discuss this episode in our forums, then see what vloggers Val and Beth thought of Glee's big tease in TV is the Answer!

Previously, on Glee: SQUEEEEEEE!!!

Will drives his broken-down humpty-mobile into the school parking lot, muffler trailing on the ground. Someone should tell him that he could use a clothes hanger to keep that from happening. (Look at me, I'm an automotive genius!) Some Vegas-y big band music plays as he walks through the parking lot, past all the kids arriving at school. Rachel, pulling a hot pink rolling suitcase along behind her, tells him that she's found a ton of songs for the Glee Club to sing, all of which feature her on lead vocals. Finn walks up to them and offers to take her bag. She thanks him for being so chivalrous. Finn: "Thanks. That's a good thing, right?" Aw, I forgot how special needs Finn could be. As Rachel and Finn walk away, Mercedes, Tina and Artie join Mr. Schue and sing a little riff. Then he walks past Kurt, hanging out by the dumpster with his best buds from the football team. Puck has his arm around Kurt's shoulder. I'd be jealous, but I know that Puck only has eyes for me (whatever that skank Demian might claim). As Will leaves them behind, Puck and company prepare to throw Kurt into the dumpster. He tells them to wait and then passes his valise off to some waiting Neanderthal. Kurt: "One day, you will all work for me." And then you'll fire them, and give their jobs to robots. Good plan, Kurt -- it shows some foresight. They deposit him into the dumpster. On the plus side, at least he doesn't have to worry that anyone is throwing their half-drunk slushie into the trash -- those get saved up for throwing in Rachel's face.

Will walks along an outdoor corridor. (Which, by the way, don't exist at high schools in the snowy northeast.) Some douchey kid plays guitar while Emma lies in wait. As soon as Will approaches, she turns around the corner and conveniently bumps into him. He thanks her for her advice of the episode. (You remember, the advice that ensured there was a show for us to continue watching.) She awkwardly reminds him (and us) that she's a guidance counselor, then comments on the fact that they're wearing the same shade of blue. Quinn and an unnamed Latina Cheerio walk by. Unnamed Latina Cheerio: "Get a room." Quinn tells Will that Ms. Sylvester would like to see him in her office.

Will enters Sue's office, where she's blasting her hammies on the elliptical. She offers him an iron tablet: "Keeps your strength up while you're menstruating." Will: "I don't menstruate." Sue: "Yeah? Neither do I." Sue tells him that she's learned that if Glee Club doesn't place at the Regionals, the club will be disbanded. Will thinks the club will do just find, but she informs him that while she was at the local library, reading Cheerleading Today aloud to blind geriatrics, she checked out the official show choir rule book, which contains the juicy fact that a club needs 12 members to compete at Regionals. He only has six kids (or five-and-a-half, in Sue's worldview), and she doesn't think anyone outside of the special ed classes will "want to swim over to your Island of Misfit Toys." If you tell kids that they'll get to be cowboys who ride ostriches, a whole bunch of them would sign up. Will asks if Sue is threatening him. I think it's more on the order of "predicting his downfall," but Sue tells him that she's just offering him a chance to compromise himself. She tells him that it's clear that he wants to be creative and in the spotlight: "Face it, you want to be me." Oh, Sue, we all want to be you. Sue tells him that she'll give him the chance to exercise his desire for creativity and fame by letting him be her second assistant coach (which means fetching sports drinks and laundering her soiled undergarments). Will respectfully declines, as tempting as that offer sounds. (By the way, I left out at least three very funny lines from Sue in that scene -- I'm not running a transcription service here, people.)

By LTG

At Finn's locker, Quinn berates him for jeopardizing their chance at being homecoming court royalty by joining the losers on the Glee Club. At her own locker five feet away, Rachel listens in on this conversation. Quinn offers a deal -- if Finn will give up Glee, she'll let him touch her breasts. But she insists on under the shirt, over the bra, so he declines. Should have offered him some nip there, Quinn -- you really need to learn how to negotiate. Quinn reveals that she's not just worried about the potential loss of social standing. Now that Finn is in Glee, everyone thinks he's gay, which makes her his "big gay beard." Finn leaves, and Quinn busts Rachel on the eavesdropping. Quinn: "Time for some girl talk, man hands." She tells Rachel that however much she dances and sings with Finn, she'll never have him, because he belongs to Quinn. Rachel claims that, despite any connection she's made with Finn, her own sense of honor would prevent her from making a move. Plus, she's way too busy with all the suitors knocking at her door. "Every day, Glee's status is going up, and yours is going down. Deal with it." And then Puck throws a slushie in her face. Followed by a second slushie from some other football player. These slushies are bright blue-- what is that, anti-freeze flavor? [I believe that's Blue Raspberry? You need to hang out in more gas stations. - Zach]

By LTG

Flashback to brunch at Will and Terri's. Her sister Kendra is there with her husband and three red-headed sons (all of whom are running around the table and screaming at the top of their lungs). (The sons, I mean -- not Kendra and her husband, they're sitting at the table and eating with Will and Terri.) Kendra can't imagine where they're going to put the nursery once the baby arrives. Will points out that they have a second bedroom, but Kendra thinks that if Terri gives up her craft room she might as well just strangle the baby as soon as it's born, because she'll just go insane without some kind of respite from the demands of the tiny little bundle of needs they're about to have. Kendra: "Post-partum runs in our family." If those were my sons, I'd be depressed too. And possibly murderous. Kendra tells them that the conversation is over, since they're about to open up a new section in their subdevelopment.

Which brings us back to the model home. The agent is giving Will and Terri a tour, noting that the banister was bathed in the blood of Ecuadorian children. Or made by them, same difference. Will points out to Terri that there are nine foreclosures on their street, all of which are available for half the price of the McMansion they're touring. Terri: "I'm not raising our baby in a used house. They're not clean." They enter the kitchen, where Terri is overcome with awe at the sight of the sun nook. The agent tells her that the price in the brochure only includes the basics -- the grand foyer is an extra $14,000, and the sun nook is an extra $24,000. The agent leaves them to talk. Will thinks they can't afford the house, but Terri says that if they give up Applebee's and avoid running the AC the first couple of years, it'll work out fine. He tells her they have to choose between the sun nook and the grand foyer. She drags him away to see something.

That something is a frilly bedroom with a sign that says "Our Princess." Terri: "This is where our daughter or gay son will sleep. I thought maybe we could put one of those mini-pianos in here and you two could put on shows for me." She's already seeing one of those shows in her own mind. There's a dancing bear in the second act. Will tells her that he loves it, but they still can't afford everything. Terri: "It's my very own Sophie's Choice." She decides to send the sun nook to the gas chamber, and Will decides to give in to her insanity and buy the house, even if it means getting a part-time job to pay for the extra cost of the polished door handles.

By LTG

As the Glee Club kids wait for Will to arrive at rehearsal, Kurt and Mercedes bicker about whose clothes look more ridiculous. (It's a tie.) And Finn ties his shoes while Rachel looks on, longingly. Will arrives and asks them how they feel about a little Kanye. Personally, I prefer the normal-sized version. [Really? I am currently unhappy with Kanye in all sizes. - Z] He dashes their hopes, telling them that they're still singing disco for the assembly, but that he thinks they could work Kanye into their repertoire and that it would be a hit at Regionals. Will tells them that communication is key to a music group's success, and he listened to them when they said they wanted to sing some modern music. Artie tells him that they really don't want to sing disco at the assembly. Will doesn't listen. He tells Finn that he's going to sing the lead on the Kanye song. Finn claims that he can't, as he's still learning how to sing and walk at the same time. Will tells him that he'll show him what do to. (Um, I could do that, too. If you know what I mean.) And then Will takes off his jacket, revealing a sexy red t-shirt with some muscles underneath it. I feel a little sexually harassed already. Will asks Mercedes if she knows the beginning of the song. Sure, assume the black girl knows the rap song. Um, except in this case it's a safe assumption, as Mercedes nails the beginning of "Gold Digger." And then Will is singing/rapping and dancing around while the kids magically know all of the background parts after spending five seconds with the sheet music. And I know that bothered some of you, but it's a television show. You just have to assume that they're all magical fairy singers (and I don't just mean Kurt) who will always sing every song as though they've rehearsed it ten times before. Will sings and dances around. It's super-hot, but I do think that no teacher should ever be that sexy. Also, as Will sings to us that he ain't saying she's a gold digger, we see Terri and Kendra in the model home making design plans. Wait a minute, I think Will is saying she's a gold digger. I've been lied to in song. That's the worst kind of lie.

Emma emerges from a stall in the restroom and approaches the sink, prepared to use her elbows to turn on the tap when she hears a retching sound coming from on the of the stalls. From the inside-the-toilet cam, we see Emma standing over Rachel, whose face is looming over the toilet. Emma asks if Rachel just threw up. When Rachel denies it, Emma notes that she missed the toilet a little bit. Rachel: "The girl who was throwing up before me left that. I tried, but I guess I just don't have a gag reflex." Emma: "One day when you're older, that'll turn out to be a gift." I'm sure she's talking about... um, well, it turns out I can't think of anything she could be referring to other than oral sex. That either means there is no other reason a lack of a gag reflex would be a gift, or I'm a horrible pervert. You be the judge.

By LTG

Emma's office. The shelf behind her desk is lined with pamphlets, including "Ouch! That Stings!," "Divorce: Why Your Parents Stopped Loving You," "I Can't Stop Touching Myself," "Radon: The Silent Killer," "My Mom's Bipolar and She Won't Stop YELLING," "Wow! There's a Hair Down There!," and "So You Like Throwing Up: Understanding and Overcoming Bulimia." Currently out of stock: "What To Do When Your Teacher Is Too Sexy" and "So You're a Mohawked Football Player Who Can't Stop Having Erotic Fantasies About a Recapper." As Rachel peruses the bulimia pamphlet, Emma gives a little wave to Will, who is standing in the hallway for some reason. Emma pretty matter-of-factly accepts Rachel's declaration that she doesn't have bulimia, but still wants to talk about the feelings that caused her to want to puke her guts out. Rachel wants to be thinner and prettier, like Quinn. She asks if Emma's ever liked a guy so much "you just wanted to lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music, and cry?" Flash to Emma, locked in her car in the rain, mascara running all down her cheeks, crying and singing along to "All By Myself." God, it's like Saturday night at my house. Emma can certainly relate to having a crush on a boy, and tells Rachel that she needs to remember that no guy who is married with a baby on the way is worth getting hurt over. That probably describes half a dozen students at Rachel's school. Emma asks if Rachel has just tried telling the boy how she feels. She hasn't, because the boy hardly notices she exists. Emma suggests finding something they have in common and building a relationship around that. That seems to cheer Rachel up. We come to some commercials, which cheers me up -- my fingers are killing me.

By LTG

Mr. Figgins's office. Rachel and Finn sit in chairs as Mr. Figgins, Sue and Will all look on with some consternation. The kids are there because Sue caught them doing something unspeakable. Rachel tells Mr. Figgins, "I don't want to be rude, but I think she [Sue] is overreacting." Sue: "You watch your tone, young lady! Gay parents encourage rebellion, there are studies on this." Which is just one more reason to let us have kids. Will asks what happened. Rachel says that she noticed that Finn was worried about performing at the assembly, so she "made a preemptive creative strike." By which she means she got together with him to make some flyers to recruit new students for Glee Club, in the hopes it would make it unnecessary to perform at the assembly. The flyers feature some famous singers who got their start in Glee Club, including Justin Timberlake and Kelly Clarkson, along with Robin Thicke (the only one of the three that Rachel felt the need to label). As Finn and Rachel were making copies of the flyer, Sue walked into the copy room and found them. In shock, she dropped her protein shake on the floor. Because the copier is apparently for Cheerios use only. Will tells Sue to hold on for a second. Sue: "I resent being told to hold on to anything, William. I will not be treated like a second-class citizen because of my gender." Sue tells Mr. Figgins, "It is my strong recommendation that both of these students be hobbled." Will asks how much a photocopy costs. Mr. Figgins knows, right down to the ha'pence. Will suggests that the kids pay Sue for the 17 copies they made. Mr. Figgins thinks that's a great suggestion, and also tells Sue that she needs to clean up the protein shake she dropped (since he's had to lay off half the janitorial staff). Under the weight of this affront, Sue holds out her hand for the 76.5 cents the kids owe her, telling them, "Lady Justice wept today." Yes, but probably because she was laughing so hard at Jane Lynch.

Rachel and Finn follow Will out of the principal's office. Finn apologizes, and Rachel tells him that she wants to get the flyers up as soon as possible. He tells her to forget the flyers, and she tells him that nobody want to sing that horrible song at the assembly. He tells them that you often have to do what you don't want to, and that they are going to sing that song at the assembly come hell or high water. As he walks away, he reminds the universe that "everybody loves disco!" Finn is more certain than ever that he's going to die. Rachel tells him that he's really talented. His words tell her to stop, but his shy smile begs her to go on. She offers to practice with him after school, but he tells her that he can't because he has a Celibacy Club meeting.

By LTG

Will and Terri lounge in the fabulous clawfoot bathtub in their fabulous tile bathroom. If the show wants us to think that money is in tight supply, it should probably not make it look like these two live in a Restoration Hardware catalog. Will has bad news. Terri: "A wealthy relative died?" The actual bad news is that Will can't find a part-time job to supplement his income to afford the grand foyer in the new house. Terri thinks that she deserves a grand foyer because of all her hard work, compromise, and sacrifice. She doesn't think the big shots at Sheets 'n' Things care that she sells more personal massagers than any other assistant manager, or that the Glee kids care that Will spends all of his time choreographing dance routines. "When does anyone start giving back?" She leaves, and Will sinks under the bubbles in their enormous tub.

Will finds Mr. Figgins scraping Sue's protein shake off the linoleum and asks why Sue isn't doing it. Apparently, the school nurse gave her a note "claiming that her lupus made it impossible to bend over a bucket of suds." It turns out that Mr. Figgins is at the school until 10:00 every night cleaning. Will offers to take on a shift as a night janitor at half pay. And then the show ends, because the janitor's union murders him and dumps his body in the woods. Commercials.

Quinn gavels the Celibacy Club to order, using a gavel that would make any judge proud. The club is meeting at a large array of tables in a U shape, with all of the cheerleaders at one end and Rachel all alone at the other end. Quinn notes that because of a stupid rule that requires them to accept anyone as a member, they had to allow "Rachel What's-her-face" to join the club. Rachel asks where the boys are; it turns out the sexes meet separately for half an hour and then get together "to share [their] faith." In the boys' half of the meeting, the guys just sit around trying to kill 30 minutes. Finn voices over that he's still uncertain about the club, since he joined only to get in Quinn's pants. "Still, it is a productive way for guys to get together and talk about sexual issues." We pan across all the jocky looking boys, with the camera landing on the one nerd in the room, whom we will refer to as J-Fro. J-Fro tells us that society is overwhelming his teenage brains with a bombardment of sexual imagery and short skirts. Puck declares the short skirts to be "crunchy toast," claiming that when one cheerleader bent over, he could see her ovaries. (Right to her prostate, I'm sure.) At the girls' meeting, Quinn blesses the perv who came up with the tiny cheerleading skirt, and then the girls recite the power motto: "It's all about the teasing and not about the pleasing." And then they dance all sexy-like.

By LTG

In the boys meeting, some jock is asking Finn how far Quinn lets him go. Finn admits to making out and grinding. J-Fro asks him if he doesn't ever have a problem with premature arrival: "Whenever I grind, Cinco de Mayo." The French army is defeated in his pants? That is tragic. Finn tells him that early arrival is no problem for him, and he high-fives Puck. In his voice-over, he tells him that it's a big problem. He's been told that to avoid "erupting too early, you should think of dead kittens and stuff." Really? Dead kittens? Regular fuzzy little kittens and puppies aren't enough? Apparently, neither live nor dead kittens work for Finn. The only image that helps him out happened when he was getting a driving lesson from his mother. Flashback to Finn driving along with his mother. He's never seemed more special needs than when he tells her "driving's fun." And then he runs into the mailman, who smashes their windshield on the way over the car. Finn's mother starts screaming: "Oh my God, you killed him! What are you gonna do?" Ah, maternal instinct.

Quinn finishes blowing up a balloon. Each girl is holding a balloon, and Quinn tells all of the girls and boys (now in one room) that they are going to pair up for the "immaculate affection." Which involves them standing face-to-face with a balloon pressed between their crotches. The object is to not cause the balloon to pop. Which I guess would happen if the boys get an erection? Maybe all the teen boys in this town have genital piercings. Anyway, Rachel is paired with J-Fro, and she is not at all polite as he waddles over to her and tells her that she enchants him. Puck starts pumping and grinding on his balloon. And then Finn's balloon pops, to Quinn's chagrin. Rachel backs away from J-Fro and tells them all that this entire exercise is stupid, since celibacy doesn't work for teens. If they want to take care of themselves, they need to know about contraception. Quinn: "Don't you dare mention the c-word." Looking straight at Finn, Rachel tells the boys, "You want to know a dirty little secret that none of them want you to know? Girls want sex just as much as guys do." Rachel leaves, and J-Fro asks the room at large if that is accurate.

By LTG

It's after school hours, and Will is scraping gum from under a student's desk. Emma walks by the room, sees him, and asks him if he's a janitor. He denies it, but the jumpsuit with his name on it is pretty damning evidence. (Hey, overeducated forum posters -- what's the history of embroidered name patches on the uniforms of the working class? No lawyer ever walked into court with a name patch on the lapel of his suit. Where did this come from?) Will is embarrassed that he and Terri are having money problems, and asks Emma not to tell anyone about his nocturnal activities. She offers to help (which will just make the janitor's union even more angry). Confronted with her superior knowledge of how to clean, Will lets her hang out.

Cut to Will feather-dusting a mobile while Emma scrubs a pencil sharpener with a toothbrush. Will thinks that since Emma is helping him with his problem (his problem being that he's an incompetent janitor), he should help her with one of hers. She denies having a problem, and he points out that she's spent the last hour scrubbing a pencil sharpener. She acknowledges having a problem with messy things. That problem stems from a family trip to a dairy farm when she was a girl, during which her older brother pushed her into the runoff lagoon, causing a lifelong fear of dirt and cows. But she thinks her problem is completely manageable if she takes multiple showers every day and avoids eating dairy. Will decides to try some sexy therapy; he gathers chalk dust on his finger and deposits it on the tip of her nose. Time slows to a crawl as she's torn between her loathing of the dust on her nose and her pleasure at having Will stand two inches away from her. He uses his arm to wipe the dust off after ten seconds. Out of breath, but not out of her mind or morals, Emma beats a hasty retreat. And we see that Coach Ken has witnessed this entire scene through an interior window.

Rachel, having learned a trick or two from Quinn, gavels the Glee Club meeting into order. Artie points out that Will is not there, and she tells him that she bribed a student to ask him for help with irregular verbs. Mercedes: "I'm so sick of hearing you squawk, Eva Peron." Finn, perhaps confused by who this "Eva" person is, tells Mercedes to let Rachel speak. She tells them that she has a solution for the assembly -- instead of giving them disco, they're going to give the kids sex.

By LTG

Assembly, in the gym. Principal Figgins tells the dead-silent assembled kids to please be silent. Before the program, he has an announcement -- the toilets are broken again, but notwithstanding that fact he warns of strict punishment for anyone who soils school grounds again. (Sue has a slightly guilty look at that.) Figgins introduces Will, who tells the assembled kids that instead of telling them how great Glee Club is, he'll let some friends show them. Before the performance, Sue looks might pleased with herself. But then the curtain comes up, and the Glee kids start performing a down and dirty version of "Push It," by Salt-n-Pepa. Complete with knee pads, bumping and grinding, and simulated oral sex. Will and Sue each have disturbed looks on their faces as they watch. Emma does a little chair dance along with the music. And Principal Figgins closes his eyes and sways along, while tapping his foot to the rhythm. Quinn is disturbed to see Finn dancing so sexily with Rachel, and Puck is disturbed to see Kurt slap Finn's ass. (Finn seems a little disturbed by this last one as well.) I must note that while Rachel ordinarily looks quite cute in those high-waisted Jackie Kennedy-esque skirts she wears, she seems to have decided to wear this enormous denim number up under her armpits. It looks insanely bad. The song finishes, and the room is dead quiet. Until J-Fro has what appears to be an early arrival of his own, as he leaps to his feet and screams out "Yes!" Which leads to everyone except the cheerleaders and football players giving the song a standing ovation.

Cut to the principal's office. Figgins, Sue and Will all sit there silently. Sue offers to break the silence -- I'm surprised there was any silence to break, with her in the room. She thinks that was the most disturbing thing she's seen in 20 years of teaching, "including an elementary school production of Hair." Figgins noted that he received a number of angry e-mails from parents who thought their kids were going to be hearing an inspirational message from a Special Olympian. Which... makes me think some joke got left on the cutting room floor. Sue's first thought was that Will's students "should be put into foster care." But she's decided she'd be happy if Will resigned his post and the Glee Club was disbanded. Figgins thinks this is too hasty, since the kids were obviously talented. Since the problem is one of content, he took the liberty of asking his pastor for a list of family-friendly songs. He gives Will the list (it's printed on American flag stationery), and tells him those are the only songs they're allowed to sing. Will: "But, all these songs have either Jesus or balloons in the title." Figgins: "But there are also songs about the circus!" Figgins also thinks the gleeks need new costumes, so he's cutting the Cheerios dry-cleaning budget to pay for it. Sue: "This will not stand!" Figgins: "Oh, Sue, the dry cleaners here are just as good as the ones in Europe."

By LTG

And then someone arrives early on Terri's belly. Except it's just the doctor squirting goop onto her before giving her an ultrasound. She tells him that she doesn't want her baby to grow a third arm because she lives in squalor (with a magnificent bathroom), so he should run any and all available tests. But one look at the ultrasound, and he tells her there's no need for that, because she's not actually pregnant. It's just a hysterical pregnancy, probably caused by her intense desire to have a baby. Commercials

Will is telling someone that he's surprised he, she, or they are trying out for Glee. It's Quinn, backed up by unnamed Latina Cheerio and unnamed blonde Cheerio with bangs. She tells him that he must know from the crackerjack reporting in the school paper and she and Finn are an item, and she's just trying to be a supportive girlfriend. And then they audition together with a sweet little rendition of "I Say a Little Prayer." The dancing is a combination of creepy cheerleader sexiness with classic girl group perkiness. The backup vocals are a bit overproduced, but Quinn sounds great on lead.

By LTG

Cut to Sue's office, where she can't believe she's hearing that Quinn and the two unnamed Cheerios are joining Glee. Quinn tells her that she has to intervene: "There's something going on between Finn and that thing. You saw how it was undressing him with its eyes. Please don't kick us off the Cheerios." Sue calls for a ceasefire on the waterworks: "You know, Q, when I first laid eyes on you, I was reminded of a young Sue Sylvester. Although you don't have my bone structure. But it wasn't until this very moment I saw how alike we really are." Sue wants the three Cheerios to be her spies: "I need eyes on the inside." I know a doctor who can do that for you. Oh, she means eyes on the inside of Glee Club. She wants to use Quinn to bring down Glee Club from within. Quinn: "And I'm gonna get my boyfriend back." Sue: "I don't care so much about that."

Emma is in the hallway, scrubbing down the spigot of a water fountain with a toothbrush and antiseptic. Will approaches her and tells her he discovered some cool new bleach towelettes. Is that a sexual aid? I guess for Emma, it might be. He thinks they can use them after school while he's cleaning. Emma asks him, "Will, what are we doing? I mean, you're having a baby." In any case, she has a date, to go to Tulipalooza with Ken. And then she walks away, near tears. You know, Will, it's probably not a good idea to get involved with her. She'd probably want you to scrub your junk with bleach and a wire brush before, during and after sex. Nobody wants that.

Will gets home from his janitorial shift and finds Terri waiting for him, perfectly posed to light the candles on the dining room table. She made a chicken pot pie from scratch, because she wanted to talk to him about something. And, in all seriousness, I'm certain this was the moment she was going to tell him that she's not pregnant. But then Will starts telling her that seeing her do something like this reminds him that he's working so hard because he wants to very badly to be a good father, because family is the most important thing to him. He asks her what she wanted to tell him. She says that she went to the "baby doctor," and then, after an interminable pause, tells him the baby is a boy. He's thrilled, and jumps up to hug her. Over his shoulder, you can see that she can't believe she just told that lie. But then she tells him to give up being a janitor -- they can stay in their current apartment and turn the craft room into a nursery. "It's a compromise I want to make. You know, the only project I want to work on now, is us." And trying to get pregnant for real before she has to tell him the truth.

By LTG

Rehearsal room. Will has just broken the news to Rachel that he's giving Quinn the solo in the Glee Club's big number (although it's not clear to me whether that big number will be "Don't Stop Believing" or "I Say a Little Prayer"). She can't believe it. He tells her that Quinn's song is on the approved list and she did a great job singing it. And she brought it on herself with her assembly switcheroo. She thinks she's being punished. He tells her it's about her. Or about him -- he realized that he should never have pushed them to sing disco. It worked back in 1993 because the kids had fun with it, and that's what Glee needs to be about. "You're not always going to be the star. But I promise to do my best to make sure you're always having fun." I think that telling her she won't always be the star is pretty much a declaration of war, in Rachel's eyes. But time will tell. In the meantime, she asks if she can use the auditorium to practice after school, since "our neighbors are filing a lawsuit." I think she should countersue for lack of appreciation of her fabulousness.

I guess this practice involves lights, sound, and Mercedes and Tina singing backup, as we see Rachel launch into Rihanna's "Take a Bow." We see her singing on stage, singing the song into her hairbrush at home, and singing it at her locker as she watches Finn canoodle with Quinn. And it's a lovely song, and Rachel sings the hell out of it, but it's a little too music video for this show. But it's how we end this episode.

In some future episode, we'll see if Sue really does vomit down Will's back. That'll be fun, don't you think?

Discuss this episode in our forums, then see what vloggers Val and Beth thought of Glee's big tease in TV is the Answer!

LTG is a full-time pension lawyer and part-time enemy of magic. You can write to him at ltg.jon@gmail.com.