In Ohio: After Single-T Tina captures an especially embarrassing video of Dreamboat Blaine twerking in the choir room, Mr. Schue decides to train all the children on the finer points of the latest dance craze to sweep the nation in the deeply misguided belief that this will give The New New Directions the edge they need to defeat Throat Explosion at Nationals. Naturally, Principal Sylvester has numerous problems with this, and she takes to the airwaves of western Ohio to decry what she sees as the latest in a very long line of filthy assaults on good old American decency, promising to ban for all time this particular brand of lewd and suggestive wiggling at McKinley High. Things escalate rather quickly from there -- as one would expect -- but Will somehow manages to get the school board on his side, so it would seem he's won yet another round of his never-ending feud with Sue, right?
Not so fast. While all that was happening, a bunch of mouthbreathers repeatedly threatened Unique with physical violence, primarily due to the fact that she's been forced to use the boys' bathroom all this time. In a cold-bloodedly calculating move I'm not entirely certain I find acceptable, Principal Sylvester decides to exploit this issue in order to force Mr. Schue's hand, and in exchange for a promise from Will never to incorporate twerking into anything he does ever again, Sue agrees to grant Unique access to the faculty's private facilities during school hours. Not sure what message Sue's trying to send, there, but I probably shouldn't care, because God knows they're never going to address this storyline again.
In New York: The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway convinces St. Gay Of Lima that they've fallen into a rut as of late, so they suck down a couple of limoncellos and go get tattoos. Hijinks ensue, naturally, but the two emerge from the experience having learned A Very Important Lesson About Themselves, so good for them. I think.
In Other News: More stupid relationship crap.
Featuring "You Are Woman, I Am Man" from Funny Girl, as performed by The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway and Horatio Hornblower; Robin Thicke's repellent "Blurred Lines," as performed by Mr. Schue and a variety of supposedly underage teenagers; Beyoncé's "If I Were A Boy," as rather touchingly performed by Urethra Franklin; the inevitable "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus, as performed by a heartsick Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel; and "On Our Way" by The Royal Concept, as performed by the children of The New New Directions.
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