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Emily has hired the fanciest of all party planners to put together Lorelai's wedding celebration. Lorelai, naturally, hates every second of the planning and acts line a nine-year -old. Liz brings Doula to the diner to visit Uncle Luke, and suggests that he get a lawyer to deal with the whole April/Anna debacle. Following this mature advice, Liz promptly dumps her baby on his counter and dashes for a Mother's Day Out. Out on a walk with Doula, Luke runs into Lorelai in front of Doose's. As they coo over the baby together, Christopher walks out and gets an uncomfortable look. Later, his insecurity gets the best of him, and he tells Lorelai he wants to have another baby with her. Like, RIGHT NOW. When she is hesitant, he gets offended and wreaks his revenge the day by taking Emily's side at the wedding party planning. They get in a big fight, and he accuses her of being selfish. Speaking of motherhood, April's mother is getting her bitch on. Luke is thus put in the unusual position of taking Liz's advice: he consults a lawyer from whom he does not get good news. The attorney tells him he'll have to fight in court, and do it soon. Logan doesn't like that Rory and Marty are pretending not to know each other, and much to everyone's great disappointment, he busts the secret wide open, embarrassing everyone. Everybody's upset about everything, but no one is pissier than Christopher, who drunkenly decides that it's finally time he and Luke had it out. They get into an awesome, wordless beatdown in the town square which ends with no clear winner. A beatdown of a gentler sort takes place when Emily ambushes Lorelai with marital advice, telling Lorelai that if she doesn't take her relationship seriously and learn to compromise, it could be over before she knows it. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Lorelai and Christopher are saying their loving goodbyes as he leaves their house for work one morning. Except, well, they aren't in their house. ["And he doesn't have a job, does he?" -- Wing Chun] They're in a new house that's for sale, practicing their morning routine to see how it would feel if they were to move there. Christopher thanks Lorelai for making him those delicious frittatas for breakfast. That's how we know it's fake. Lorelai's wearing another wrap dress that even slightly resembles a bathrobe. It's gorgeous, don't get me wrong, but I'm saying it might be a gorgeous bathrobe. Chris and Lorelai quiz the realtor -- who has witnessed their little charade -- on whether the lighting makes them look young enough, and she seems charmed by their cuteness, though when she excuses herself to "make a phone call," I am positive she's calling the cops to see if any criminals have escaped the loony bin recently. Chris and Lorelai review the great features of the town, house, yard, and mailbox. "Honey," Lorelai says, "I can't imagine a better house." They walk outside smiling, but Christopher can't help noticing that Lorelai's smile has turned into a cringe. "You want to stay in Stars Hollow," he says, putting his arm around her. "You want to stay in your house. You don't want to move at all." Lorelai says he's right, in which case, I don't know, maybe she could have mentioned it before they engaged a realtor and went out looking at houses in an entirely separate town? There is, after all, precedent: remember that endless storyline involving the remodel (by Luke) of the CrapShack which took place solely because Lorelai did not want to...what was it, again? Move. Out of her house? What IS this mess? We have already DONE all this with Luke. And he had the exact reaction Christopher is now having: to give Lorelai what she wants. So...what is this? .
Have y'all seen this Hallmark commercial where the lady whips out the singing snowmen in a crowded airport lounge and dozens of disgruntled passengers suddenly light up and gather around and become a big happy family? Do you also believe, as I do, that what would happen in reality would be that one of those angry travelers would more likely beat that woman to death with a valise?
Lorelai has arrived at her mother's house to do some party planning for the big wedding celebration Emily will host for her and Christopher. Lorelai is already annoyed by the whole thing before she even hears that Emily has hired one of the area's premiere event planners to handle the event. Randall Farber, queenier than Dame Edna on poppers, brushes aside Lorelai's late arrival, saying he's used to such behavior, being an opera man: "I've worked with Renée Fleming. The personality of a pit bull, that one, but all is forgiven when she sings, am I right?" I don't care if Renée Fleming eats live babies backstage every night, I recording of her singing La Trav that blows my mind. Lorelai, however, is less impressed at the reference, nor is she thrilled by any of this party stuff, especially when Randall tells her that they're going to have to decide on a theme for the night. "How about 'man's inhumanity to man'?" she cracks. "It always used to work for my term papers in high school." She says she doesn't really want the party to be a big production, anyway, at which Randall reminds her that every party is a production. If the production is not good, he says, the party is not good, and everyone leaves by 8:30. "What about that as a theme?" Lorelai suggests. Emily and Randall ignore her.
Kirk is running a new scheme over at Luke's, trying to sell wrapping paper by charging less than what the middle schools are selling it for in a fundraiser. When Luke points out that the kids are selling paper to build a new gym, Kirk gets indignant: "I'm not a school, Luke. No one's raising money for me." Liz arrives with Doula, who is immediately fawned over by Miss Patty. "She's really strong, too," says Liz. "She can already hold her head up." I bother to quote that seemingly inconsequential line, because she repeats it verbatim one second later. Oops. Liz puts the baby, still in her carrier, on the counter, and after a nonsensical conversation about T.J. and an interruption from Kirk hawking his wares, she asks Luke how things are going with Anna. Luke says that things are okay, though he hasn't talked much to Anna since the big blow-up. He says he thinks that the whole April visitation thing should work out all right -- he's even made a list of times to see her that he thinks is pretty reasonable. All he wants is for April to visit during one holiday and one month of the summer, along with flying back and forth to Stars Hollow every other month: "In between, I can travel to New Mexico." Liz says that this (frankly, ludicrous) arrangement sounds good to her, but advises him to get a lawyer to make his chances better. "I don't like lawyers," says Luke, shaking his head. ["Not since he MARRIED ONE, anyway." -- Wing Chun] "Well, nobody does," says Liz, and I am in the weird position of agreeing with something Liz is saying. Ah, motherhood has made Liz smart? That's great. Except no, it hasn't. Having delivered her advice, she promptly leaves the baby with Luke, saying she needs time to herself, and runs out the door.
Back at Emily's, Lorelai is biting her cheeks as Randall gushes over his ideas to plan the party thematically around La Bohéme. A party at which everyone is poor and starving and pretends to have tuberculosis? Why would that be fun? As an alternative, Lorelai suggests that they use the theme from Rent. Same story, different disease. Randall, naturally, blanches at such a suggestion, and Lorelai is saved by a call from Rory, who's just checking in to see how things are going. "What?!" Lorelai cries. "What happened? Is he okay?! Oh my God! What can I do? What do you need?" Nice try, Rory says, but she's not going to help Lorelai to get out of the planning. Emily, too, is on to the game -- "I can hear Rory on the phone. You're not as clever as you think" -- and Lorelai's escape is foiled. To torture Lorelai further, Emily makes her look at invitations. Lorelai fruitlessly asks if they can just send an E-vite. Look, I know Emily is about as irritating as they come, but if someone is going to throw you a party that costs more than my house, please...just shut up for a second and act right.
Back in Stars Hollow, Lorelai is ranting her way through Doose's, complaining to Christopher about having to spend hours picking out party invitations. She contemplates suicide over the whole debacle, especially when Christopher denies her the sweet, soothing peanut buttery chemicals of Cap'n Crunch. She says that the nine days of planning she has left to do with Randall and Emily are nine more days than she can take. Tomorrow, she has to go to a food and wine tasting. "Well," says Christopher, "at least you get to drink your way through it." Lorelai says that fancy people spit out the wine at tastings: "But not me. I'm gonna drink them under the ballroom." Christopher says that he will be happy to meet her at the tasting so that she won't have to tough it out on her own. She is thrilled, and promises him that if he shows up, she will never eat Cap'n Crunch again, a promise she immediately retracts. "Together," she smiles, "we can defeat them!" Her happiness is deflated when, as they are about to check out, Lorelai notices that Taylor's niece Bonnie is working the register today: "She couldn't be slower or care less about the job." Christopher says he thought life in a small town was supposed to be leisurely. Lorelai: "There's leisurely, and then there's Bonnie." Like a prince, Chris offers to stand in the line while Lorelai waits outside. How does this woman get these men to do everything she wants? Is it her hair? Is it her eyes? TELL ME. Because I am about as spoiled as they come, but my husband would make me stand in the Bonnie line, for sure.
Freed from Doose's, Lorelai steps onto the sidewalk just as Luke comes by with the baby in the stroller. I guess he just keeps a stroller around for whatever reason? They have a totally weird, not-awkward, chemistry-free conversation like two people who used to know each other from the office, or something. Lorelai asks if she can hold the baby, and picks up the child, who is wearing a snowsuit fit for a three-month-old, and holds her like a toddler. Luke and Lorelai both smile at the baby, and Lorelai coos and makes jokes about her long fingers: "You might be a pickpocketing pianist." Though Luke is also smiling, he isn't really smiling at Lorelai, or anything. I see absolutely nothing between them. No poignant, unspoken tension about "what could have been" or anything like that -- though when Chris steps out moments later with the groceries, he acts like he caught them making out. Lorelai practically slings Doula back in the pram, and she and Christopher head for home without even so much as a backward glace from Luke. So, basically, that was meaningless, and though I enjoy looking at Lorelai and Luke on screen at the same time, if they are not even going to have any unresolved feelings or whatever...why do they even bother having Luke on the show anymore at all? To torture me with his stubble and flannel? It's working.
Logan is at Yale to visit Rory, who insists that they eat in the cafeteria, where he never had a meal in his long tenure at the school. He says that he occasionally stopped in for cereal, but she assures him that that wasn't good enough: "You need to get something hot, and mushy and meaty." Also, she has an extra family guest pass from Parents' Weekend, and she wants to use it to get Logan's meal comped: "I'm going to tell them that you're my brother." He tells her that he doesn't mind paying for his mushy meat (ew), but she says that's not the issue, all sneaky as she explains, "I know how to work the system. You know me, I can be crafty." Yeah, says Logan, she can be crafty, in the sense of being able to make a macaroni necklace, but this family pass business is high-stakes deception. "Yeah, well, what's my middle name?" she jokes. "Rory 'High Stakes Deception' Gilmore." I thought your middle name was "Steals Yachts" or "Sleeps with Married Dudes." No? In any case, Rory's sneakiness does not pay off -- they almost sneak by on the family pass until Logan is greeted loudly by someone he used to know and who refers to Rory as Logan's girlfriend. "I'm a terrible liar," Rory tells the cashier, and they are forced to pay ten dollars for the mushy meat. Wow, people. Do cafeteria meals really cost ten dollars now? Seriously? Because in my day, they cost $3.25. Of course, I did not go to Yale. "Way to work the system," Logan chides Rory, and as she vengefully orders him a serving of meatloaf, they are interrupted by none other than Lucy. She bounces over and loudly meets Logan. "I'd give you a proper hug," she says, "but my pockets are full of Apple Jacks. I have Art History in a few minutes, and my professor sounds like Garrison Keillor on Quaaludes, so I need a constant intake of sugar just to stay awake." She congratulates Logan on "buying the internet or something," and they make plans to have dinner the night.
Marty steps through the door calling out to Lucy -- "Hey, babe, come on!" -- like a biker in a 1950s motorcycle song. What is the deal with Marty's lack of personality? If this were One Tree Hill, he'd eventually end up stalking and trying to kill Rory, but would be thwarted by the sexily righteous Chad Michael Murray, who would then marry Rory barefoot on the beach (but then divorce her six weeks later to marry the youngest daughter on 7th Heaven). I almost wish Marty'd pull out a knife, because his blank stare and weird behavior are boring. When Marty sees that "babe" is talking to Logan and Rory, the blood drains from his face. Reluctantly, he goes over and says hello. Logan immediately shakes Marty's hand, saying of course he knows Marty. He tells Lucy that Marty bartended at a few of his parties, causing Lucy's eyes to go wide. "You probably met Marty, too," Lucy trills to Rory, "you just didn't know it!" Rory hems and haws, uncomfortable, and Marty pulls Lucy away, saying something about getting to the library before it closes. Didn't she just say she had a class? Whatever. Logan, of course, realizes that something is afoot and, when the other two are gone, asks Rory what the cageyness is all about. She explains the whole thing to him: Marty pretended that they'd never met, and she was so weirded out by it that she went along with the lie. Logan asks why Marty would pretend not to know her, anyway. "I don't know," says Rory, positing that maybe Marty still likes her a little. Logan gets a little bit pushy about it, though he pretends he's not bothered, asking why she hasn't told Lucy yet and why she hadn't told him that she and Marty had been hanging out. Rory is caught off-guard, and swears that she just didn't think there was anything to tell. "You have to tell Lucy," Logan advises, and I agree, but why doesn't Rory get up in Logan's face now (or later, when it will be even more appropriate) and ask why he is so hot to defend Marty when Logan, more than once, publicly humiliated and openly scorned him? "A little brotherly advice?" adds Logan. "You should tell her sooner, rather than later." Rory says that she will, when she finds the right time, and adds that they don't have to go to dinner with Marty and Lucy as they've just planned. Logan says they should go ominously adding, "Unless there's something on your end." Rory is offended and says that there definitely isn't, but we cut away on her uncomfortable face.
Speaking of uncomfortable, raise your hand if you nearly skeeved out of your skin when the scene started. Lorelai and Christopher are in their bed, late at night. She is all, gag, nuzzled up to his chest, falling asleep when he says, out of nowhere, "Let's make a baby." She actually laughs, not taking him seriously for a second, but when she realizes that he is serious, she becomes fully awake. "Why not?" asks Chris. Lorelai: "Because we haven't talked about it at all, ever..." He says that, okay, they should talk about it: "You want to have another kid, right?" Now, when Luke asked Lorelai this, you'll remember that "kids would be nice." But now? It's all "um" and "maybe" and "uh" and "I guess." ["In fairness (sort of), with Luke, at the time that they had that discussion, there wasn't some other lady's kid in the equation, as there is with Chris. If she stays married to Christopher, you know Lorelai's basically going to end up inheriting the job of raising Gigi, so maybe that's enough of another kid for her already." -- Wing Chun] Christopher, all jokey, says that they should, since the last one turned out "pretty good." Oh, nice. Even Lorelai, who can't confront an emotion on her best day, has to take issue with his characterization: "The last one didn't 'turn out pretty good.' The last one came out and a lot of work went into getting her to pretty good." Chris immediately realizes that he's stepped in it: "You're right, you're right. I'm sorry. But, it's different now. We're adults. We're married. It would be easier." Lorelai mumbles again that maybe she'd like another kid, but... That's all Christopher needed to hear: "Good. We're on the same page, so let's go for it." And go for it he does, moving in for an impregnating kiss. "Seriously, seriously," says Lorelai, pushing him away and looking at him like he's crazy. "I don't want to 'go for it' right now!" She points out that they just got married, and that Gigi is note even back from France yet. Christopher asks whether her hesitation is about Gigi. "No," she says, but Chris just goes on, saying that, you know, financially, they're set and she shouldn't worry about money. Lorelai says she knows that. "Do you not think we'll work?" asks Christopher, puppy-eyed. Lorelai is shocked by his question and insists that that is not what she's thinking. She can't understand what the rush is all about, and instead of addressing his feelings, or saying anything more, Christopher goes passive-aggressively limp, sighs and agrees that they should wait. Lorelai looks at him, confused, as he turns away from her to sleep.
Luke is bustling around the diner waiting for April to show up to see a movie with him. He is nervous that they will be late, giving Cesar another chance to try out his new catchphrase: "I'm feeling you." Luke: "Stop feeling me." Hee. While Luke waits, he makes the serious error of engaging Kirk in conversation. Kirk crows that he is killing the middle-schoolers in the wrapping-paper trade: "I think it's safe to say they won't be getting their new gym any time soon." Kirk allows that the kids are prank-calling him all day and night, sending pizza after pizza to his house, but he doesn't care: "You know what? I love pizza. Bring it on. They think they're intimidating me, but I'm not scared." Luke: "Twelve-year-olds don't scare you!" Kirk says no, not at all. His hubris is tested when the door jingles open and a gang of kids stands waiting for him. "Kirk," says their leader, menacing, "we wanna talk. Not here, outside." Kirk flexes: "All right, let's go. But I'm warning you, if it gets physical, I will show no mercy." Awesome. Meanwhile, Luke has called Anna to check on April. He tells her he's worried, since April's not there yet, and she's never late. "April's fine," says Anna tersely. "She's not coming." She says that Luke can't just show up at her house and threaten her and expect her to trust him to hang out with April: "I'm not comfortable with April being with you right now." Luke kind of apologetically tries to smooth things over, but it doesn't work. "This IS my decision," says Anna, and hangs up in his face. Aw, snap. It sucks, but then again, why does Luke need a damn kid, anyway? I hate to see him get repeatedly shat upon, but Anna is the one who all casually let her child run around pulling hairs from the heads of strange men and testing them to find her daddy, so...what is with the defensiveness now? Whatever. I hope this ends up being something about Luke not really being the father.
Lorelai and Christopher are at the tasting with Randall and Emily. Chris is doing what he does best: pouting and being sullen as a result of not getting his baby-making way the night before. Randall is doing his thing the best he can around Lorelai's jokes, his least favorite being one she cracks about being morally opposed to his suggested dance floor. "She's just kidding," Chris drones, annoyed. Emily comes over, saying she's glad Christopher has joined them: "Maybe you can help keep Lorelai's snarkiness in check." "Snarkiness"! I'll take that as a shout-out. Lorelai rolls her eyes to Christopher, expecting him to back her up. Here, she is sorely disappointed. He studiously avoids her look and goes over to where Emily and Randall are discussing the menus.
When they've decided on the salmon (what is with Emily's obsession with salmon?), Emily suggests that they move on to discussing the vows. Lorelai chokes: "Vows? What are you talking about?" Emily's talking about wedding vows, of course: "They can be traditional, or you can write your own." While Lorelai jokily nudges Chris's arm, Emily turns to Randall, who shares her distaste for personally written vows. "Cecily Pendalen's daughter actually promised to cook her husband lasagna once a month!" says Emily, as Randall nearly faints from the garishness. "Who wants to hear the word 'lasagna' at a wedding?" Lorelai says that she has a point there, but that this thing they're planning is not a wedding, it's a party. Emily argues that since they are celebrating a marriage, and since no one actually was privileged enough to see the couple exchange vows, they might want to consider doing that in front of guests. Christopher, who Lorelai obviously expects to back her up on the dissent, makes the unprecedented move of taking Emily's side: "I think it might be kind of nice." This prompts Lorelai to suspect an ambush: "The whole reason we eloped was to avoid the wedding thing!" Christopher, from out of nowhere, gets indignant, snarking, "Uh, no. That is not the reason we eloped. We eloped because we love each other and we wanted to get married." Lorelai is surprised at this reaction, but Christopher keeps pushing, asking what her problem is with the whole vows thing. Lorelai: "The big deal is I don't want to do it, and we're already married." Chris sighs, saying he's not sure why he's even shown up, since Lorelai's going to do what she wants to do, no matter what. ["Way to catch up, holmes." -- Wing Chun] "House, wedding, kids," he huffs. "It's all your call, right?" This rings the alarm bell for Emily, who nearly squeals with delight at the idea that Lorelai might be pregnant. "No," Lorelai says, sighing. Christopher keeps up his pouty shtick: "That's nice. You don't have to act like it's the most horrible thing in the world."
At this, Emily and Randall make a discreet exit, and Chris and Lorelai get into it. When he goes on again about the vows, she insists, "We're already married." "What's the big deal?" he asks, all pissy. "I mean, you planned a whole, huge wedding with that diner guy!" Lorelai takes offense: "'That diner guy'?" He gets even more childish: "Oh, I'm sorry. Am I supposed to show more respect to the guy who punched me in the face?" Lorelai tries to calm him down, but eventually Chris sulks out, saying that this wedding party isn't about them, it's just about Lorelai. ["It's actually about Emily, so whatever." -- Wing Chun] She tries to get him to stay, but he won't, and over her shoulder, Emily worriedly watches him go. Okay, well...that was interesting. But, y'all help me out here: what the frick is going on in this show? What are they trying to tell me? Does Lorelai want to be married to Christopher or not? Because when I think she's showing us that she doesn't, she then sincerely insists that she does. What GIVES? Please HELP me.
Luke meets with his attorney in sort of an endless roundabout which concludes with him deciding to fight a probably fruitless battle for partial custody of April: "I don't want this to get ugly. I just want what's fair."
Speaking of getting ugly, Lucy is telling a loud, rambling story to Logan at dinner while Rory and Marty silently and uncomfortably stand by. When she's done, they all engage in a little "my girl/boyfriend is so funny/hardworking" story tradeoff, ending with Lucy commenting on how hard Marty works at his four jobs. "That's a lot of jobs, my boy," Logan says, in a friendly tone. Marty gets uppity: "Hey, I'm just waiting for that trust fund to kick in." Though Rory and Logan both look uncomfortable, Logan doesn't take the bait. Instead, he asks Lucy how she and Marty met, at which point she gigglingly tells a story about how Marty came to see her in a play every night: "After the fifth show, I went up to him and I said, 'time I see you, you'd better bring flowers, or have a knife and stab me,' and..." Marty: "time I saw her, I had daisies and a butter knife." Lucy giggles again, and asks how Logan and Rory met. "Actually," says Logan, as Rory blanches, "Marty introduced us." Everybody's face goes pale. "I'm sorry," says Logan to Rory. Lucy asks what he's talking about. "I can't be a part of this," Logan tells Rory. He tells Lucy that Rory and Marty have known each other since freshman year when they used to hang out watching Duck Soup. Lucy FREAKS OUT like she's just finding out that they're secretly married. I mean, yes, it's crazy that they didn't tell her they knew each other, but correct me if I'm wrong: Marty and Rory never dated, right? What IS the big deal? Lucy screeches as they all try to apologize, and runs out crying. When Marty chases after her, Rory wants to know what is wrong with Logan. "I was asked a direct question," says Logan. "I'm not going to lie. She's a nice girl." Who am I supposed to think is the asshat here? Because at this point, I can't even tell you. Sure, Logan is technically right, but who is he? TruthMan? Saving us all from our little white lies? Marty's a freak and Rory's a bad friend? I guess, but...who even cares about this? ["Seriously. Rory and Lucy have been friends for ten minutes." -- Wing Chun] And if I'm supposed to care, please tell me why, somebody. Is Marty Rory's one true love, or something? Why, again? Rory and Logan have a big fight, Logan getting all sanctimonious about telling Lucy the truth. It ends with him saying he's going to go back to the city tonight after dinner. Rory: "Fine."
Lorelai is at the Inn doing inventory when Rory calls her late that night. "I thought it was an all-Logan weekend," says Lorelai. Rory says that it was, but that "boys suck." Agreed! She asks her mom to tell her that it gets better when men get older. "Well," says Lorelai, "it gets more confusing and more complex. Does any of that sound better?" Rory says no, and gives Lorelai the lowdown on what happened at dinner. "Yikes!" says Lorelai. Rory can't figure out Logan's motivation for the whole debacle, and says that Logan has no reason to be jealous, because he knows Rory loves him. "Of course he does," says Lorelai. Rory wonders again why Logan would do what he did. "Mars and Venus, you know?" Lorelai suggests, but Rory says that she doesn't think that's it: "Because Mars and Venus? Are both planets, so they have something in common. I think it's more like Mars and a bowl of soup." Rory says that Lucy won't answer her phone, so Rory's going to go over and try to talk to her. "Sorry boys suck," says Lorelai, and they hang up.
At an empty bar (Casey's?), Christopher drinks alone. Slowly, he gets up and sullenly pulls on his coat. Outside, he's about to get in his car when he looks across the empty street to see Luke messing around in the back of his truck. The two men lock eyes, and IT! IS! ON! Listen, I'm not sure what they're fighting about other than that, at some point, they were or are or are still or once were in love with the same woman, but it doesn't even matter, because in what I found to be a very confusing episode where no one's actions made any sense whatsoever, I was just happy to see some punches get thrown. I mean, I have wanted to hit somebody since Lucy showed up with the Apple Jacks, so this was great. Luke and Chris charge at each other, removing scarves and jackets and getting right to punchin'. Luke gets in the first left cross, and they go even-steven, punch for punch. Neither of them is a very impressive fighter, frankly, but it's beautiful when they end up entangled in the Stars Hollow Christmas display. Wordlessly, the fight ends just as it started, and both men return to their corners.
Rory arrives at Lucy's room to find a pissy Olivia at the door. "She doesn't want to see you right now," Olivia tells Rory, sucking her teeth, "and to be honest with you, neither do I." Rory: "Olivia, just let me explain. Please." Olivia: "No." She slams the door in Rory's face, and Rory walks away crying, breaking my heart.
Lorelai arrives home late to be ambushed yet again by Emily, who is waiting on her porch in the dark: "I want to talk to you, Lorelai." Lorelai says that if it's about the party, she's had a really long day and doesn't want to talk about it. "It's not about the party," says Emily. "I've come to talk to you about your marriage." Lorelai is surprised, but Emily says that she's come to offer some friendly advice. "Mom," says Lorelai, "I really don't want your advice." Emily: "Well, then consider it unfriendly advice." With no further ado, she launches into it: Christopher is immature and often foolish. He doesn't always make the best choices. Lorelai assumes she's saying that Chris chose wrongly in marrying her. "I'm saying he's your husband, Lorelai," Emily corrects her, "for better or for worse." She says that she likes Christopher, and that she thinks he's good for Lorelai: "But it's not going to be perfect. He's not perfect, and God knows you're not perfect." She says that marriage is not about always being happy, and that often it's not about being happy at all. Nice. She says that it's about compromise, which is not Lorelai's strong suit: "Marriage is about swallowing your pride sometimes -- about doing what he wants." She says that marriage is not about winning an argument, which may make Lorelai sad, since that's what she loves to do: "I don't want to see you ruin this. Marriage is serious business, Lorelai, and if you don't take this very seriously, then this whole thing could fall apart faster than you could possibly imagine. And he'll be gone, and you'll be alone again. A ring is no guarantee." With that, she apologizes for scaring her in the dark, and marches off the porch to leave Lorelai to ponder her future.