Ratatphooey

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Lorelai prepares for her trip to France by practicing not the language of France, but the accent. Christopher guilts her with his cutesy words coming out of his stupid cutesy face to attend Parents Weekend at Yale. She says a lot of words back to finally agree. Chris gets way into it, all emotional about being Rory’s Failed Dad, especially when he is practically drowned under parental propaganda. Lorelai is shocked and appalled to run into Emily and Richard, who are attending the weekend. The two subvert the G-Units fancy dinner plans by taking the entire Yale newspaper staff to lunch. Christopher goes way too far to impress them, getting them all sauced, and Rory is frustrated when she has to whip all their asses out onto a big story. Luke is still overseeing the care of his alleged daughter, all smiles and full of fatherly pride. Seriously, at one point he smiles at her so big you can see all his teeth, which is practically unprecedented. He meets her swim coach who is...I’m sorry, as AB Chao would say, she’s “Not Cute,” and inexplicably asks the pushy chick on an actual date after she convinces him to attend her adult swim class. Delightfully, she is a huge psycho. Sookie is torn between two lovers, er, veggie men, when a new guy shows up hawking his eggplants. Her love for Jackson prevails. Want more? The full recap starts right below!

Lorelai is leaving a message on her mother's machine. She won't be able to make their date to look at Emily's curtains. The only catch? Emily's machine isn't on. Lorelai continues to leave the message while Emily desperately tries to figure out what must be wrong with her phone or machine and yells to Lorelai that she's actually there. This scene is hard to recap. It's also maybe the funniest scene in the entire episode -- one upon which I bestowed a "B" when I wrote the recaplet, but on second viewing have had to downgrade. It ain't funny. And it ain't cute. And I don't know why I, as a viewer, am supposed to be happy that Lorelai is with Christopher. And, if I'm not supposed to be happy about it, why I am so confused about where the writers are trying to lead me? This isn't Lost! Now is when I'll get the emails that are like, "Gah! Why can't you just be happy that Lorelai seems happy?" Well, because...listen, Fernando, do you not hear the guns? The guns of catastrophe! The portents of doom! The tune of time-wasting where they once again trot out this Christopher mess and make Lorelai go through it all like she's never learned a lesson in her life.

Wow. I seem sort of mad. Many thanks, by the way, to M. Giant for filling in for me on the last episode. His skills are as giant as he is himself.

Speaking of skills, Christopher is impressed with Lorelai's as she successfully subverts her mother's attempts at speaking to her on the phone. "It's natural instincts, honed by years of experience," she says. "Fight or flight, you know. Fight or flight. And, I just did my nails, so..." Chris: "Flight." They seal their sneakiness with a kiss and I utter the first of many ughs.

The morning, Lorelai is opening her mail as she listens to a French language CD. Probably nothing on there about Gladys Knight or chicken, so such a recording would be a waste in my home town. Chris comes in with coffee and is not wholly impressed with her progress at mastering the French accent instead of the actual French. He says that to adjust their systems to French cuisine, he has brought home croissants and café au lait. "I thought café au lait was Spanish," Lorelai says. "No," Christopher responds, with a look of concern. "It's French for 'coffee and milk.'" Lorelai: "Really? I thought it was 'Cafe! Ole!' like "Coffee! All right!" Clearly, he's horrified, especially because he can't tell if she's kidding. They talk a lot of crap about France, and Lauren Graham further mangles the accent, developing a complicated backstory to use in Paris that would explain why she sounds like a French person speaking English, but can't actually speak French.

Probably about to poke his eyes out from all the manic energy plus the coffee, Chris starts sifting through the pile of mail on the table -- Lorelai only reads her mail once a month -- and notices an invitation to Yale Parents' Weekend. He gets all excited and says he wants to go. Rather than point out that Rory is about to graduate from Yale and that this is the only time Christopher has shown much interest in being a part of her life there, Lorelai takes another tack. "Parents' Weekend is for lame-o parents whose kids hate them," she protests. "My kid likes me. Fifty-one weekends of the year is my Parents' Weekend!" His big defense is that some professor of geology is giving a tour showing off The Gemstones of Yale. "How cool does that sound?" he asks. Lorelai: "On a scale of one to two?" Hee. She says that Parents' Weekend is not an accurate representation of the school, anyway. "They make special food and they gussie the place up," she goes on. "They plant kids under trees reading Tolstoy so it all looks very collegiate and idyllic." Chris tries to tempt her further by mentioning that there's a special brunch scheduled with the Provost. Lorelai says that she's always loved the word Provost, though she doesn't really know who or what one is, though it does sound deliciously like something from the deli counter.

Lorelai asks Christopher if he really wants to go. "It's Parents' Weekend," he says. "We're Rory's parents. And we're together. And why not?" So, that's it. He wants to play Happy Family. Why doesn't she call him on it? Instead, she takes a call from their spawn, who is walking the idyllic pathways of Yale on her way to class. Rory is happy to hear that they will be coming to Parents' Weekend, and finally has to almost hang up on them when the absolute must-be-paid-by-the-word mania of Lorelai becomes too much.

Meanwhile, at the diner, Kirk hangs at the counter with Lulu, being overly quirky about the number of pats of butter to eat on his banana muffin, while Luke packs April's lunch. April runs down when her carpool arrives -- honking like the fate of the world rests on her leaving at that moment -- and Luke does the father routine, asking if she's got all her stuff. She says that she does, and races out to the blaring car. Maybe, Luke, you should worry less about whether or not she has an "extra sweater" and think about Road Rage Jones out there driving her willy-nilly through Stars Hollow. Lulu makes her own exit right after April's, and Kirk pours his troubles out once again on Luke. Lulu, he says, is smothering him. "Everywhere I go, there she is," he says. Luke looks at him, justifiably, like he's crazy, and they are interrupted when April's ride screeches back to the curb and she runs back in to get the lunch she left on the counter. Luke gives us his hundred-watt Dad Smile. Hey, everybody? We get it that Luke likes April.

Lorelai is trying to quietly get her morning coffee and avoid Sookie and Michel's fight of the day. "You're peet-ee-ful," Michel harangues as they come through the door. "You're telling me that you tell me how it is?" Sookie: "That's what I'm telling you!" Finally, they drag Lorelai into it, though against her will. She reluctantly lays down the law. While she's away in Paris, she says, Michel is indeed in charge of the front desk. However, since Sookie is a co-owner of the inn, she is in charge overall. "Ha HA!" Sookie says in Michel's face. He is outraged, saying that Sookie doesn't know the first thing about his job. "All I have to know is how to tell your sorry behind to stand at the front desk and be courteous," she says, making the universal sign for You're Whipped as he grumbles out the door. "He's been driving me crazy," she tells Lorelai when he's gone. "He keeps referring to himself as my supervisor and insisting that I call him 'Captain.'" Beautiful. Moments later, Sookie is surprised by a man with a big cuke. Heeee. Sorry. Look, I had to throw a joke in here somewhere! There's a new veggie guy in town and he has come bearing the fruits (and vegetables and legumes) of his labor. His stuff looks very good, Sookie assures him politely, but she already has a vegetable man. In spite of this, he insists on leaving the basket of produce behind, asking her to pass on his name if she ever gets a chance with another chef.

Swim class is over at the local pool, and the teacher is ordering everyone into the locker room. "My towel's all wet," one girl complains. "Well, that's what happens when you throw it in the pool, Laura," the teacher snaps back. "A terrific lesson in cause and effect." Awesome. Damn kids and their inability to reason. Luke arrives to pick up April and chats with the teacher about April's progress as a swimmer. The teacher, whose hair is the most unnatural shade of chlorine blonde, ever, says that April is doing well and asks if her natural abilities are inherited. Luke demurs. He doesn't know how to swim very well, he says. "I can dog paddle to shore in a pinch," he uncomfortably laughs. "I'm pretty good on land, though." The teacher is alarmed and insists that he take her adult swim class. Luke is trying to extricate himself from her pushiness when April emerges from the locker room, excited to announce that she will be swimming in two upcoming races. "I mean," she adds, "I'm not anchor or anything, but I'm still pretty fast." So cute, but then she ruins it when her coach mentions that Luke will be taking her upcoming class and lets forth an unnatural and strange cackle. I don't think they give the actress who plays April enough takes to get her lines down, sometimes. She's super-cute, but she's not a Gilmore, and she's not used to speaking at a zillion rpm. It doesn't come out right every time, and Scott Patterson ends up staring at her with a fraught look, willing her to get it right so he can say his lines. "Do you even own a bathing suit?" she chortles. Luke looks offended. "Yeah, I do," he says. "I mean, it's not a Speedo, or anything." April loses it as if he is Lenny Bruce reincarnated, and they go out hooting it up. And, yes, I will sign the petition I know some of you are already starting to see Luke in a Speedo. Hello, I'm mad at the show, but I'm not dead.

It's a beautiful day on the Yale campus, when Lorelai and Chris arrive for Parents' Weekend. Lorelai casts aspersions on the perfectness of it all, saying the grass is too green; the air is too crisp; and the trees too beautiful for it all to be real. "Yale is crafty," she says. "Yale is smart. Yale is Yale, after all." Let me ask y'all something. Is Lauren Graham walking funny? Is she doing it on purpose? Is it all part of the whole "Lorelai is so youngish and quirky and anti-establishment that she walks all jumpity-hoppity, pigeon-toed and non-ladylike even when she's wearing a dress that costs more than my mortgage payment" shtick? I've had enough of that. Her hair, however, looks stunning as always. She joshes around making a joke out of Parents' Weekend, trying to get Chris to join her in writing silly names on their nametags. He, alternatively, is taking it all quite seriously. He says that he thinks he'll stick with his own name. "Senior Boringpants?" Lorelai says, earning a small cheer from me. "Mr. Stick 'N. Themud?" Lorelai reads the Parents' Weekend paper and is alarmed to see the endless number of a capella jams available over the weekend.

Lorelai and Chris get a call from Rory, who is busy at the paper. "Tell her," Chris says, "we're at the L-shaped building that from the top, looks like a Polaroid camera." Rory says that, believe it or not, she is not familiar with all of Yale's buildings from the sky. "Oh, how ignorant of you, honey," Lorelai jokes and turns to Christopher, announcing that Rory doesn't give two figs about Yale architecture. "Not two figs?" Chris says, taking the phone. Rory: "One-and-a-half figs is all I give!" The rest of this scene is literally Rory putting up with her parents' Laurel and Hardy "hilarity" as they blather on about the days' lecture offerings. Seriously, it's so much blathering I can't take it. Lorelai commandeers the phone to get some clarity on this a capella phenomenon and Rory warns her that to avoid it, they must stay away from arches or anywhere else that has good acoustics. "And," she adds, "if you hear a pitchpipe, run." Lorelai says they're going to go have brunch with the Provost. "Or...on the Provost," she says. "It's still unclear."

Back at the pool, Luke is suffering under the close attentions of Coach Bennett. He can't escape before she gives him the high-pressure sale for dinner, and he leaves, saying that he'll call her.

Christopher and Lorelai have made it into the dining hall where Lorelai again rails against all the fanciness Yale has put out for the weekend. "Look at this propaganda!" she says. "Belgian waffles...cloth napkins...I've had breakfast here before and it was paper napkins and American cereal all the way! Lox? Capers? Itty-bitty bagels? Packs of lies!" They are met by a little man with coffee who introduces himself as the parent of Ethan Morton, a freshman. When he hears that the two of them are the parents of Rory Gilmore, he is taken aback. Apparently, his son wants to be a journalist and is quite a fan of Rory's. "I love it that Rory has fans," Lorelai says, rather than politely accepting a compliment. When his wife overhears Ethan's dad excitedly suggest that they set up a lunch so that Ethan can meet Rory, she swoops in, seemingly to rescue Lorelai and Chris from his overeagerness. She, too, however, is all about the promoting to Ethan, and offers to email Lorelai one of his high-school editorials on flag burning.

Lorelai tries to escape by mentioning the Provost, while Ethan's dad apologizes to Chris for being so pushy. "No, please," Christopher says politely, "you're a proud dad." Yeah, Ethan's dad agrees. He is proud. They should all be proud that their kids got into such a great school, especially after all those years of badass parenting they did, looking over homework and driving them to lessons and like, clothing and feeding and housing them. Don't think any of this is getting past Christopher, who gets the Sad Dad face as he no doubt reflects on all those years of...doing nothing of the kind for Rory. Lorelai rejoins Chris as another dad comes over talking about hockey practice and science projects, mentioning when he sees Chris's nametag that he had just been talking to Chris's wife. "Um, actually," Lorelai says, uncomfortably, "I'm not his wife." Yeah, the guy says, he wasn't talking about her. He was talking about Mrs. Gilmore, over by the mimosas. Lorelai cringes as she looks over and sees Emily holding court with a bunch of other biddie women.

"And I said to him," Emily is saying, as they all titter, "they've tenured Bill Sunderland? Who's ? Carmen Electra?'" Laughter erupts as Lorelai sidles up. "Good one, Mom," she says, and Emily, embarrassed by the sight of her as usual, excuses herself.

Here begins a long argument, mostly instigated by Lorelai, on who has more right to be at Parents' Weekend. Why Lorelai can't say "Glad to see you," I don't know, but she bitches and moans sarcastically about how Parents' Weekend is for parents, not grandparents. "A grandparent is a type of parent," Emily points out. Lorelai says that no, it isn't. "A grand piano is a type of piano, is it not?" Emily counters. Lorelai: "Well, you've got me there, Riddler, but I hope that logic still works when I crash Grandparents' Weekend." Emily has had enough of this. She says that they've been attending Parents' Weekend since Rory's freshman year, and that it's one of their little traditions. "It's one of your little traditions to pretend to be Rory's parents?" Lorelai asks, incredulous. What? Does she not watch this program? It's certainly not one of their traditions to pretend to be her own parents. Richard strolls up, saying it's a surprise to see Lorelai there. "Yes, it is a surprise," Lorelai says. "You know why? Because you guys aren't parents. Why are you here?" Richard, offended, says that he's an alumnus and a visiting faculty member. Emily says they have always come, for Rory's sake, and that anyway, Parents' Weekend is obviously not Lorelai's kind of thing. This is, of course, exactly what Lorelai was just saying, but now it somehow bothers her that anyone would suggest she's not all about it. She's especially bothered when she hears the G-Unit is taking Rory to dinner at a fabulous French place with to-die-for crème brulee. Christopher arrives in time to save Lorelai, saying that the astrophysics lecture is about to start. "I know you probably don't want to..." he starts, and she jumps in to interrupt."...want to miss a minute of it! That's right" she says, and drags him away from the stunned Grandparents.

In the world's tiniest lecture hall, a bunch of parents are gathered to hear this esteemed physicist talk about exploding supernovas. For reasons we can't fathom -- since we've been repeatedly reminded that Christopher is an undereducated wastrel -- Chris is attempting to listen with interest while Lorelai bitches about her parents getting to have dinner with Rory instead of them. "My parents have got a lot of nerve," she says. "That's one thing they've got, is nerve. They should put it to good use. Start a knife-throwing contest or something." She sighs. "I mean," she goes on, as Chris tries to quiet her down, "they get dinner and we get lunch? Lunch is such a booby prize!" She texts Rory to complain that she didn't give them the 411 on the elder Gilmores. In a split-second, Rory somehow writes back that she assumed they knew the Grandparents would also be there. Chris shushes Lorelai for reporting all of this while the lecture is going on. "Something else is happening in the universe," the professor says, continuing his lecture, "that is counteracting the force of gravity; and that's what we call 'dark energy.'" Exactly, Dr. Anvil. I quite agree. When Lorelai suggests they go to the fancy French place for lunch saying she's heard they have a crème brulee to die for, Chris agrees, just to get her to shut up. She makes the date with Rory. When the lecture is over, he raises his hand during the question period to ask a question. "How can we tell," he asks, "whether dark energy is the cosmological constant?" Lorelai is suitably impressed that he knows any of those words.

Back at the Inn, Sookie is having a crisis of faith over the new vegetables, which she is using to make a ratatouille. "Just because Lorelai's away," Michel says, "does not mean that I am obligate to leesten to your incessant prattling." And yet, Sookie prattles on. It would be wrong, she says, to waste the vegetables just because they aren't Jackson's. Michel says he won't listen to any of these problems unless she calls him Captain, and even when she agrees, he decides that it wasn't worth it. I must say, in this episode, I'd rather listen to Sookie have a full-on vegetable stroke than hear another word from Lorelai about...anything. And I love Lorelai! Y'all know I do! But not tonight. Tonight, I want to kick her.

Luke arrives back at the diner after his swim lesson to find Kirk preparing to break up with Lulu. "I owe it all to you, buddy," Kirk says, going on that he is inspired that Luke is a free man, slave to no master. "You come home at 3 in the morning, no one cares," he says. "You want to eat dessert for dinner, no one cares. You walk around in your tube socks and tightie-whites, no one cares! No one cares what you do, or where you go!" Luke isn't looking like he feels too great about this conversation, especially when Kirk asks him to be his wingman. Which is bad enough, but really capped off when Kirk goes fully Top Gun, grabbing up a spoon to use as a mic, singing "You've Lost that Loving Feeling." Somehow, Luke does not vomit. Rather, he takes Kirk by the shoulder and gives him a long-time-coming man-to-man. "Listen, you pinhead," he says. "You should be kissing the ground the Lulu walks on. Why that sweet girl lets you within a hundred miles of her, is beyond me. You are the luckiest man on the planet to have a girl like that looking out for you and caring about you, and if you say so much as one unkind word to her, I will personally break every bone in your body. You got me?" With that, he turns, grabs the swim coach's number out of his bag, and heads to the phone. Go, Luke! I mean, not to the swim coach, but whatever, it's a start. While you're at it, if you beat up Kirk just for fun, that would be fine!

Rory is still at the paper, trying to lock down the front page. Her parents walk in to see her handing out orders. "I love how bossy she is," Lorelai whispers. "She's like a dictator, only cute. And non-violent. And instead of a country, she has a newspaper." When Rory's done, they give her an update on their activities of the day, including several perilous misses with various a capella groups. They announce that they're taking her to lunch at the French restaurant with the to-die-for crème brulee. "Since when do you say 'to die for'?" Rory asks her dad. Lorelai: "Since he got addicted to Project Runway." Chris: "Make it work."

Rory introduces her parents to the staff, including Paris, who kisses Lorelai on each cheek in greeting (one of my favorite moments of the ep, hands down) and tells the group that they're on the way out to lunch. The staff is visibly impressed at the restaurant choice, speaking in lauded tones about its legendary napkins and general fanciness. Sad Dad takes notice. This is his chance to shine! He invites all eight of them to join them for lunch. Rory tries to demur on everyone's behalf, saying that they probably all have plans, but of course they are eager to go.

At the restaurant, we can see why. The place is quite nice and, even better, Chris is ordering bottle after bottle of wine. I need a bottle, myself, just to get through this recap. Is it killing y'all like it's killing me? Don't answer that. Lorelai tries her French accent out on the waiter, who is less than impressed that the extent of her language skills consist of "where ees zee neareest sub-away sta-cion?" Christopher is busting out the Richie-Rich talk, going on about a ski chalet he wants to rent this season. He mentions that it's laid out sort of like Rory's apartment. None of these people have seen Rory's apartment, except Paris, so they are confused by his invitation to have them all join him on the slopes. "You don't hang out with any of these people outside the paper, do you?" Lorelai whispers to Rory. "Sorry if this lunch is weird. I feel like those lame-o parents of yore." Rory admits that yes, Christopher is trying a little hard, but it's sweet of him. She looks around the table at her drunk staff, for whom Chris is now ordering crème brulee and cognac all around. "It's great that you got to meet the whole gang before our big ski resort vacation," Rory funnily says to her mom who is also cringing at Chris's attempts at becoming buddies with everyone.

Suddenly, the pagers and phones of the whole table go off. Rory reads that a group of students protesting the war have taken over the president's office, and that this means they'll need to cover it and rework their whole edition. Another staff member gets a text with a photo attached. "It looks like they're wearing George Bush masks," she says, "and...are those Condoleezza Rice masks?" Paris: "They make Condoleezza masks?" Rory apologizes to her parents but says they've all got to go and cover the story. She starts handing out orders, but the staff is resistant, knowing that they'll miss the crème brulee. "What if I get hit by lightening tonight," Bill of the controversial haircut asks, "and die a crème brulee virgin?" Sheila: "A crème brulee virgin?" Good one. Rory has to get tough. "Get your drunk, crème brulee-craving asses out of these chairs," she says, "and let's get to work." They all stagger out, boozed up, just as the crème brulee arrives.

That night at Luke's apartment, Lane has come over to sit with April while Luke gets ready to go out with Coach Bennett. April's already beating Lane at chess, so confidently that she announces that Lane's not very good. "Tell it like it is, sister," Lane says, when April apologizes for being blunt. She says that anyway, when they get their Boggle on, she'll be ready for her. "I've been studying my seven-letter words that sound made up, but aren't," Lane says. "Palfrey! P-a-l-f-r-e-y! It's a saddle horse, for a woman." I am going to remember that, for real. Last time I played Boggle was with Pamie and Stee, and I'm over there writing words down like "cat, hat, hate, scat," and they're all "refrigerator, encyclopedia, photosynthesis." They smoked me. Luke, on his way out, says that he shouldn't be more than a couple of hours; he and Coach Bennett are going out for you know, dinner and some talking. "Well, it would be weird," April points out, "if it were dinner and no talking." She adds that Luke should call Coach Bennett Susan, since that's her name. Nervous, Luke heads out while Lane shifts uncomfortably on the couch.

Luke and Coach Bennett are led to their table at the restaurant. "Oh, no," Coach B. says when Luke goes to sit across from her, "come sit with me. It's cozier!" Luke must really, really need to get laid, because he agrees. I know for a fact that all men hate that. Also, is it just me, or is Coach Bennett a voice on The Simpsons? Whoever she is, she deserves an Emmy for this scene. She's got "crazy eyes" that rival even Anne Heche at her best (worst). As Luke shudders at the all vegan menu, she quizzes him on who, alive or dead, would best play him in Luke Danes: The Movie. She obviously does not know him well enough to know that the answer is Walter Matthau. (My grandmother pronounces his name "Walter Mattoo," by the way. I know. It kills me.) Coach Bennett says that she, herself, would be played by Marlene Dietrich. Luke is embarrassed to say he doesn't know who that is. She insists that he does. He says that no, he really doesn't, and she proceeds to do the worst (best) Marlene Dietrich impression I have ever seen. "'Your husband,'" she quotes, "would rather be cheated by me, than married to YOU!'" Luke is doing his best to back away from the crazy, but she continues to move in. "My last boyfriend, The Ex," she says, ramping up the looniness, "he was always calling me MARLENE..." She pauses, clearing the cobwebs of madness from her brain, saying that since her ex was so psycho -- "PSYCHO" -- she swore she'd never date another single dad. "But," she says, smiling coyly, "here I am. You hooked me!" Luke looks like he is dying. "Well, you know what they say," the nutbar adds, terrifying him further. "Third time's a charm." Coach Bennett saved this ep from total failure.

It's late at Yale. Chris and Lorelai are coming out of what I assume is the field hockey game when they hear from Rory that she's still at the paper. While Lorelai is evilly glad this means the Grandparents will miss out on their dinner with her, Christopher is upset. He feels bad about boozing up Rory's staff, all because he was trying to be Super Dad. Lorelai coddles him as he goes on YET AGAIN for like the TRILLIONTH TIME, about how he's all guilty for never being there for Rory and helping her with her science projects or whatever the hell. Instead of agreeing with him, or even saying something like, I don't know, "What's done is done," Lorelai insists on making him feel better about it. Whatever. I'm sick of it -- sure, he's trying now and what's done IS done, but...isn't even David Sutcliffe tired of saying these lines by now? How many times must we hear him whine, followed by Lorelai's aw-honies? She jokingly assures him that they have years of hard parenting ahead. Rory, she says, is due for a quarter-life crisis! Yes, well, will it be worse than the one she's already had? Chris is assuaged by all this, particularly when Lorelai adds that the best part will be that they'll do all this parenting together. UGH. Auspiciously, they pass one of the many a cappella groups, who are singing their hearts out, blasting forth a multi-part arrangement of "Living on a Prayer." No kidding.

Sookie is at the Inn receiving accolades from Michel and the kitchen staff as they taste her ratatouille, made with the adulterous vegetables of another. Jackson arrives, complaining about the Bosticks, who take care of Davey and Martha during the day, and how they make him take off his shoes whenever he comes in their house. Y'all, I would not enter a house where I had to take off my shoes. Seriously, that is the height of nerve, asking someone to do that. "time they come over to the house," Jackson rants, "I'm gonna ask them take off their pants, or something. It's outrageous!" Agreed. Sookie says that she knows they're a little nutso. "Very nutso!" he says. "Who irons their couch?" Love it. When Sookie goes to get her coat, Jackson tries to sneak a bite of the ratatouille, she runs to stop him, saying it's a bad batch. Aw. I know it's silly, but it's sweet. I love my husband's vegetables the best, too. And by vegetables, I mean, you know...well. Let's say no more about that.

When Luke arrives back at the apartment; he smiles to see Kirk on the curb with his arm around Lulu.

Upstairs, Lane has fallen asleep on the couch where she and April have been watching movie. Luke sends her home -- "Lane's awesome," April says -- and announces that he and Coach Bennett had an okay time. "So," April notices, "you're still calling her Coach Bennett." Luke says yeah, and it will probably stay that way. April says that's cool and she and dear ol' dad enjoy a true Gilmore-style meal of pizza and sticky buns.

Speaking of Gilmores and terrible food, Rory is still at the paper finishing up with her hungover staff, when Lorelai and Christopher arrive with donuts and coffee. Now we're talking. Chris takes Rory aside and apologizes for messing up with the fancy dinner and drinks. Rory assures him that it's okay and that she's not mad. "But, Dad," she says. "I think on Parents' Weekend, I would rather have just had lunch with my parents." Chris says he gets it. "year," he says. "Grad school Parents' Weekend!" He asks if it's all right if they hang around and watch her lock down the paper. "I don't think you can hang out," she says, innocently, "'cause you're gonna be late." Her folks look confused. Rory tells them that because of the late-breaking story, she won't be able to have dinner with her grandparents at the fancy French place, but, oops, she mentioned that Lorelai and Chris would come in her place. "You were mad," Chris says as Lorelai gasps at the evil of which her child is capable. "Oh, don't eat that donut," Rory says to her mother, "because I hear that their crème brulee is..." Lorelai gives her the hand. "Don't," she says, and cussing her, they take their lame-o selves out the door.

week, we are forced to watch Paris. Unfortunately, I don't mean Liza Weil. Ugh.