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Sookie gives Lorelai the painful play-by-play of her performance at Lane's wedding. It was far worse than Lorelai had originally thought. Two words: inappropriate gyrating. Rory rushes to Logan's side in the hospital, and, with Paris's help, finds out that he is badly injured, but will make a full recovery. She, awesomely, gets her BITCH ON, and rips Logan's pouting dad a new one via voicemail, guilting him into visiting his son in the hospital. She and Logan mend their rift. Luke returns from his trip with the world-touring math team. Miss Patty has done damage control, talking the whole town into keeping Lorelai's wedding toast a secret. Luke announces to Lorelai that he is throwing April a birthday party at the diner. Lorelai sweetly offers to help, but Luke insists that he has it all under control. He finally reveals his whole reason for being such a supreme ass and not introducing Lorelai to April -- he's afraid she'll like Lorelai better. He's right to worry, since he pretty much snuffs out the fun from the very beginning of the party. Lorelai comes to the rescue and helps him throw a humdinger of a birthday bash; April has an awesome time. She and Lorelai bond, but the day, Anna comes and chews Luke out, saying she can't believe he let Lorelai, who she doesn't know, hang around her kid. Hate. Lorelai takes it on herself to go and explain things to Anna (hate), who says that she can't risk April becoming friends with Lorelai if she and Luke are "only engaged." Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Lorelai is treating her hangover in the kitchen of the Dragonfly as Sookie gives her a rundown of her embarrassing behavior at Lane's wedding reception. Sookie reminds Lorelai that she drank ten giant shots of tequila, but that she shouldn't worry about the crazy toast she gave, since she was less a lunatic than a lovable character. "And what is Stars Hollow if not a haven for colorful characters?" Sookie asks. "I mean, you're not up there with Stevie The Pantsless Santa Claus or Jojo The Cow Whisperer, but you made some strides." Somehow, Lorelai does not find this comforting. Sookie says that they had tried to sober Lorelai up with coffee, but that all it had done was make her "energetically wasted." Lorelai cringes again, saying that she should borrow the wedding video to see what a fool she made of herself. "And check out your audition..." Sookie adds. Apparently, Lorelai cornered the videographer and insisted on filming her audition tape for America's Top Model. "I thought that was a dream!" Lorelai says. "The posing, the strutting, the inappropriate gyrating?" Sookie says that they all tried to stop Lorelai, but that she was on a mission: "You kept saying 'I'm not here to make friends; I wanna win!'" Lorelai is disturbed to hear that, even after her runway performance, she kept on rocking. "You tried to start a limbo contest," Sookie says, "a poker game, and a secret club for super cool party people only." Lorelai can't stop cringing.
Rory arrives at the hospital in New York and starts asking around for information about Logan. She is in a panic, and the busy staff won't give her any details about his condition, other than that he is still unconscious and in "serious but stable" condition. They won't tell her more, since she is not family. "But I'm his girlfriend," Rory says. "We've been together a long time; we live together." The nurse gives Rory a terse "Sorry."
Rory turns to find Colin and Finn waiting in the hall outside Logan's room. They give her the details on Logan's accident: he dove head-first off the cliffs of Caldera, instantly spun out of control, and barely managed to get his parachute open. "Yet still manages to stick the landing," Colin says. "Had to deduct three-tenths for all the screaming and bleeding." Rory asks whether they've contacted Logan's family. They tell her that Honor is still on her honeymoon in Greece, and that Logan's mom checked herself into a spa in Arizona the moment she heard about it. Finn: "When the going gets tough, the tough get hot rock massages." Rory asks whether they've talked to Mitchum. "The Dark Lord?" Finn asks. "We left word, but haven't heard anything back." Colin and Finn go on, joking that their plan to get around the whole family-only information policy is to marry each other and adopt Logan. They make a lot of stupid jokes about it, the only funny part being the unfunny intimation that they're gay, which everybody already knew, anyway. Rory is not amused, and bitches them out, asking how they can be so glib when their alleged friend is lying unconscious in the hospital: "You're supposed to have his back. You're supposed to watch out for each other on these stupid trips of yours. But no, everything's a big joke. Everything's hilarious." The idiots have the wherewithal to look chagrined, but Rory drives the final blow: "You're useless. Just go home. Both of you go home. I can't stand to look at you." With that, Rory stomps off, and frankly...I love it. I may kind of despise Logan -- okay, more than "kind of" -- but at least someone on this show is standing up for their relationship.
Rory finds Logan's room, and is alarmed to see his battered and swollen condition. A doctor comes in (which is really unbelievable, since waiting for a doctor to show up is normally one's primary activity in a hospital), and checks Logan out, while Rory asks nervous questions about Logan's surgery and his condition. The doctor blows her off, refusing to tell her anything and leaving her standing there. Rory doesn't even touch Logan, which is weird to me, but hell, I wouldn't touch Logan, either. ["That girl has a touching problem. She's the worst kisser on TV. She can't even hug!" -- Wing Chun]
In the Stars Hollow town square, the Troubadour is back, singing a sweet song about being with someone for forty years. I've missed him.
Meanwhile, at the diner, Luke is getting on to Cesar, who continues to put bananas in the fridge, despite Luke's command to the contrary. Cesar: "It's just that, while I was running the place, that was one of my innovations: cold bananas. People seemed to really love 'em." Luke says he highly doubts that, and snaps at Cesar to get rid of them, as well as the scones he put out. Luke's being a an ass, acting like Cesar has killed someone, instead of just putting some bananas in the fridge ["Luke is being a rag, but don't put bananas in the fridge, people! It makes them turn brown faster!" -- Wing Chun], and Cesar reminds him that people also respond well to a sunny demeanor, rather than Luke's buttholism, which is running high: "Service with a smile. It's a cliché for a reason." Luke, not surprisingly, is not interested in improving his customer-service skills: "I just want you to keep my damn bananas out of the damn fridge. And I want you to keep my damn donuts in the damn donut case." Rebuffed, Cesar walks off, grumbling that customers also don't appreciate gratuitous swearing. Luke, you DO need to get your banana out of the fridge, if you know what I mean, because...damn. Shut up.
Lorelai walks in, and, for once, Luke seems glad to see her. They even share a somewhat convincing kiss, which at one time would have made me so excited, but now just revolts me, because Luke is a jerk, and Lorelai's dumb and will not kick him in the nuts as he so richly deserves. She tells him that he looks older and wiser after his trip with the schoolkids, and he says that must be due to all the time he spent squinting at historical documents. "That's what it is," Lorelai says. "Constitution face." She says hello to Patty, who tells Luke that she's still waiting on her cold banana. Keep on waiting, Patty. Luke tells Lorelai that after spending ten days with his secret daughter, he's throwing her a birthday party at the diner the day. Lorelai is surprised to hear about this: "Look at you, diving into fatherhood." She tells Luke that if he needs a consultant on party-throwing, she's available: "I've thrown some rockin' pre-teen parties in my time." Luke tells her that he's sure he'll do fine. He's ordered some balloons and a cake. "All good," Lorelai says. "I'm just saying that Rory's birthday scavenger hunt of 1998 is still talked about in hushed, reverent tones." Luke asks whether that's the one where all the kids ended up raiding Taylor's kitchen in the middle of the night. Heee. I would have liked to have seen what they found. Probably a pink apron and fourteen bottles of hand sanitizer.
Luke offers Lorelai some coffee, but she declines, saying that she's had enough that morning already. "Oh, right," he says, smiling. "Battling the hangover." Lorelai blinks, worried that he's heard the whole story of her toast. "Patty filled me in, you know," he says. "Tequila shots, you taking the mic..." Lorelai looks very worried now, and starts rambling that she hadn't realized what she was saying, but he interrupts: "I hear you really belted it out. 'Endless Love.'" Patty jumps in: "The song, honey," she says, hinting hard at Lorelai, who finally catches on that Patty has covered for her with Luke. "Ohhhh," Lorelai says. "Well, is there really any other way to sing 'Endless Love'? I mean, if you're not going to belt it out, you might as well just stay in your seat." True. Luke smirks that everybody does embarrassing stuff at weddings, and goes off to get something from the kitchen. Patty rushes over and explains to Lorelai that she's already gotten to the whole town, and everyone is on board with the "Endless Love" story. Lorelai thanks her, saying she owes Patty one. "Oh, honey, please," Patty says. "I've given more drunken toasts than Colin Farrell. You owe me nothin'." Lorelai thanks her again, and Patty goes on: "That Luke. It may take a mule team, but you're getting him to the altar someday." Poor Lorelai says, "Yeah, someday," and puts her head in her hands, and sighs.
Rory sits on a bench in the hospital hallway, and calls Paris, who rages about the laziness of her the university system and her professors: "Why not just hand us our diplomas the moment we step on campus as freshmen, along with some government cheese, a bong, and a t-shirt that reads 'Hard Work Is For Suckers.'" Rory finally interrupts to tell her about Logan and his accident. Paris is concerned, and asks several questions about how Logan looks and how he is breathing. Rory gets more and more upset, and asks whether she can read Logan's chart to Paris over the phone and have her translate it. "Forget it," Paris says. "I don't know how to read charts yet. I can tell you everything you want to know about the difference between recessive and dominant eye color genes in fruit flies, but God forbid I learn how to read a chart before I'm a fourth-year surgical resident." Paris asks what hospital Logan's in and about his attending physician. Rory tries to shrug her off, saying that the hospital isn't going to release information to non-family. "Just give me the name," Paris says, sternly. "I'll call you right back." Rory hangs up, and seconds later we hear a distant phone ring. The nurse at the end of the hall answers the desk phone and begins arguing with someone on the other end of the line: "That language is simply not necessary!" She hands the phone off to the doctor, who must take an earful, because when he finally hangs up, he wipes his brow. A few more seconds go by, and Rory's phone rings again. It's Paris, with all the news about Logan. According to the doctor, Logan was bleeding internally when he came in, but he's stabilized now and on IV antibiotics. He has a partially collapsed lung, six broken ribs, a broken ankle, torn cartilage in both knees, and a severe concussion. (Weirdly, my brother was in a car accident about eleven years ago, and had almost the exact same list of injuries, except with a few more thrown in. He is as strong as a bull, but still has problems with his back and knees.) Rory gets more and more upset as she hears about Logan's surgery -- which, though it went well, was scary. Paris says that the doctors expect Logan to make a full recovery, after rehab, being young and strong: "He could have died. Those guys are idiots." Rory sincerely thanks her for being such a good friend, but Paris says that her flaying of the medical profession was fun, and that Rory should call her if she needs anything else.
Back in Stars Hollow, Luke is following Lorelai around on her shopping trip, carrying her bags. "You know, you would make the best sherpa," Lorelai tells him. "And the hottest. You could move to Nepal and open your own Hot Sherpa Shop and make a fortune." Luke says he's glad to shop with her, especially because he likes to think he has influence over what she buys. Sure, the guy who wears the same flannel shirt, army jacket, and backwards cap every single day of his life influences one of the most stylishly dressed women ever on TV. Lorelai condenses this all into a simple, incredulous "You do?" Luke insists that he's an important part of the shopping equation -- she is, after all, always asking his opinion. Lorelai smirks: "Yeah, but it's the way I ask: 'Isn't this adorable?' or 'This isn't right, right?' I put your answer right there in the question." Luke is shocked at this manipulation, so Lorelai throws him a bone, saying that she does always try to buy at least one thing he likes, because she knows that whenever she wears it, he'll notice it and compliment her and that will make her appreciate it more and more: "And I'll eventually really grow to like it, and I'll forget that I didn't really like it in the first place and...holy crap, you've picked out all my favorite clothes." Luke says he knew it.
The block down, Luke points out a toiletry kit in the window that he'd like to get for April's birthday. It has cats on it, and I cannot stop laughing remembering when my friend Tito turned sixteen, just knowing her dad was going to buy her a new car for her birthday. Instead, he gave her -- the least girly, softballiest, most studious young woman I knew -- a vanity table set. That was seventeen years ago, and she's still complaining. Lorelai goes a little too far in discouraging Luke from the toiletry kit -- it is kind of ugly, but for some reason he thinks April will like it, because of the cats, and he really wants to get it for her. "Luke, it's weird," Lorelai says. "It says, 'Happy Birthday, now go clean yourself up.'" Lorelai insists that she knows girls and that it's not the right gift, and says she can take him to the perfect store and show him fifty things that would be better. Luke says that he's getting the toiletry kit, and that he knows Lorelai's an expert on all of this, but he just needs to do this himself. "Then do it," Lorelai says. "I'm just saying let me be part of it." He flatly says no, and she asks why. "Because it's too soon," he says. "Because the minute you get involved in her life, it'll be all over for me." Lorelai looks hurt, and says that's ridiculous. "You're colorful, and funny," says Luke. "You're practically a cartoon character. Kids love you. I wouldn't want to hang out with me, either, after meeting you. She'll like you better; it's just a fact." Lorelai can't believe Luke's saying any of this: "You're her dad!" He nods: "Yes, I am her dad, and this is the way I want it to be." Luke goes into the store to buy the stupid toiletry set, and I am somewhat placated: his speech goes a long way toward explaining why he has been so dumb about getting April and Lorelai together. Of course, it is still stupid, and I think if I were Lorelai, I would grab my shopping bags, tell Luke to call me when he was done with all his ridiculous rules, and walk home.
Later, at the diner, Luke talks with Anna, while April and all her friends mingle around, giggling. Anna tells him that April gave her rave reviews on Luke's performance as a school-trip chaperone: "Her friends call you Hagrid." "Really? Hagrid! Wow!" says Luke, trying to act excited. "I...don't know what that means." Anna explains who Hagrid is: "Very big, very hairy. Very lovable." Luke decides to take it as a compliment, and I am very amused at the thought of Luke keeping a fire-breathing dragon in his apartment. I mean, a secret dragon would make just about as much sense to me at this point as an unknown daughter. Anna tells Luke that she's going now, and will talk to him later tonight. Where is she going, again? Like, seriously, she can't stay for the party? She says goodbye to April, who gives her the quintessential adolescent brush-off, and adds that the diner is looking really good. "I was here when you opened it, remember?" Anna reminds him. Luke says he remembers, and Anna heads out. Now, wait. Has Luke had the diner for more than thirteen years? He's supposed to be, what, thirty-seven? And so he's had the diner since he was twenty-four? Is that true, or is this more Gilmore math?
Anna gone, Luke turns and surveys the troops. He asks the girls to pull their chairs around so that they can all see him, and introduces himself as April's dad, earning a big cheer from all of them. Luke tells them that before they get the party started, he needs to lay down some ground rules: simple dos and don'ts, so that everyone can have fun and not get hurt. Basically...everything is off-limits. He starts describing the "party area," which consists of the tables and chairs where they are now standing, and terrifies them with a rundown of all the dangers that can occur in the kitchen. "Everyone must remain in the party area at all times," Luke says, concluding by saying that no one can go outside, either. "Are we clear?" he yells. Receiving stammered answers from the alarmed girls, he claps his hands to begin the unfunnest party ever.
At the Inn, Lorelai is looking over Michel's shoulder at the Dragonfly website. "What happened to it?" she asks. "I made some modifications," he smarms. Lorelai: "It's just a big picture of you." Michel says that since he is the one who maintains the website, he figures he should be prominently featured. "Featured, sure," says Lorelai, "but all I see is your face." Yes, Michel says, but if you want to hear about the Inn, you click on his mouth; if you want to see photos of the Inn, you click on his eyes; and if you want to post something about the Inn, you click on his ears. Lauren Graham actually looks like she is about to start laughing in the middle of this, and I guess now that this idea has been outed on this show, Glark will have to cancel his plans for the version of TWoP. And I was so looking forward seeing where the "complain about this recap" link was going to go.
Before Lorelai and Michel can fight it out, Lorelai is interrupted by a call from Rory to give her an update about Logan: "He basically jumped off a cliff," and his parachute barely opened." She gives her mom a rundown on the injuries. "How'd you get all that information?" Lorelai asks. "I thought they only allowed family members to..." Rory interrupts: "Paris." Lorelai: "God love her." Lorelai asks whether there's anything she can do or send to Rory, but Rory says that Colin and Finn went back to New Haven to get her some things, and that she's going to be at the hospital for a while. Now, what? Colin and Finn, after Rory tore them both new ones, are running off to bring her stuff? Whatever. A nurse comes to tell Rory that Logan is awake and that she can see him, and she and Lorelai hang up.
Rory goes in to see Logan and approaches his bedside with all the warmth of a snow cone. She quickly jumps straight to quirk mode, rather than make any heartfelt expression of relief that he's even alive. Rory still doesn't touch even his hand, which I just find incredible, and just sort of stands there with her arms crossed. Logan says that he knows he must look awful. "Well," she says, "now I know why you never let me see you without your makeup on." Logan admits that base-jumping with no preparation was a dumb idea, and that he was drunk and stupid to do it at all. Rory tells him that he's going to be all right, and that she'll be there as long as he wants; she can stay on top of her schoolwork via computer, and Bill can run the paper while she's gone. Logan tries to protest, saying he doesn't want her to miss too many classes, but she stops him: "I'll be here." He says he's glad.
Back at Luke's, the party is at full stop. The girls are sitting around, playing cards, bored out of their minds, and Luke is freaking out. His party is a dud. The big hit of the afternoon, so far, happens when all of the girls line up to use the bathroom at the same time. Luke panics and runs into the back, where he calls Lorelai. "It's a disaster," he says when she answers the phone. "The party, it's a total disaster." Luke says it's like a funeral parlor in the diner. "I didn't know thirteen-year-old girls could be so unhappy." "Haaaaaaaaaaaa!" says my thirteen-year-old self from the past. Luke tells Lorelai that he's been hiding in the storage room on and off, supervising through a peep hole in the wall. "You're peeping at the girls from the storage room?" asks Lorelai, ewwwing all the way. "I do not have time," says Luke through clenched teeth, "for any weird jokes." She asks why he didn't plan any activities. "It's a birthday party," he says, clenching again. "I thought that was the activity." Lorelai shakes her head and tells him to go upstairs and get his clock radio. "Why?" he asks, panicked. "So we can watch the minutes of the world's worst birthday party tick off one by one?" She says he needs to go get it, bring it downstairs, and put on some music; she'll be right over, if that's okay with him. "WHAT?" he yelps, practically stroking out. "Yes, Lorelai! Come! Hurry!"
Moments later, we see Lorelai arrive at the diner. Luke rushes out to tell her that the party actually got worse after they hung up. Luke forgot that the radio part of his clock radio was broken: "And then the buzzer alarm went off at one point, and there was a slight uptick in the mood, but I think it's too late!" Lorelai says that it isn't too late, but Luke's afraid that he heard the word "mutiny" bandied around in there. She assures him that it's not too late, and moves to go in. He stops her, asking where the party stuff is. "Oh, my God," she says. "I left the circus elephants in my car and I didn't crack a window!" Luke: "Seriously. Where is the party stuff?" Lorelai just smiles and tells him to follow her lead.
Lorelai bursts in the door of the diner, all bubbly, introducing herself and thanking the guests for holding off on the heavy partying until she arrived. This is met with blank stares, but she soldiers on, calling for the birthday girl to stand front and center. "You know," Lorelai says, placing a tiara on April's head, "I met you briefly. You were filling salt and pepper shakers." April says she remembers, and that Lorelai had been wearing all black and had really blue eyes: "They aren't quite as blue today, but I think that's just the light thing." Weird and random. Lorelai crowns the birthday girl and has the rest of the partygoers line up behind her, in a single file, holding hands. "Oh," says April helpfully. "We already went to the bathroom." Lorelai says she knows, but that this is going to be so much better. She instructs the skeptical Luke to bring up the rear, and leads them all out the door, while Luke gives further safety recommendations.
Lorelai leads everyone at a full trot in a serpentine pattern down the sidewalk and into the beauty shop, where two ladies, Allison and Leslie, are waiting for them. Lorelai introduces April, the birthday girl, and they say hello to her. Leslie -- not looking at April AT ALL, nor at anyone else that I can tell -- says "Oh, you are adorable!" Since she says it to no one, it is super-weird and spooky, and I am sure the girls are all afraid that she is about to cook and eat them, but they are distracted when Lorelai gives them all baskets and tells them to pick out all the stuff they want, because they're all getting makeovers! Luke -- who is so relieved that April is having a good time now that he doesn't care that his party budget just went from $40 to, like, $500 -- tells Lorelai that she's a genius. "Well," she says, "thirteen-year-old girls and makeup. It's like betting on Secretariat." Luke says he never would have thought of anything like this himself. "That's why I'm the yin to your yang," says Lorelai, shrugging. "The Emack to your Bolio." She picks up a spray can, asking which of the girls wants hot pink highlights. They all scramble around her.
Rory is on the phone with Honor, who is standing outside some Greek hotel, self-consciously smoking and talking shit about her parents. She says she doesn't mind coming home for Logan, seeing as how her mom flaked out, and that her dad knows about the accident, but won't be coming to the hospital. Rory is incredulous, and asks why. Honor says it's because Logan got hurt in a Life and Death Brigade stunt, which their father is very against. "But," Rory says, incredulous, "he was in the Life and Death Brigade." Honor says that's true, but that Daddy Dearest thinks he knew when to grow up and leave such shenanigans behind, and Logan doesn't: "He wanted his precious boy done with that by now. So, he's boycotting." Rory is really mad: "He's boycotting his own son? Logan had emergency surgery!" Honor says it's typical Huntzberger hypocrisy, and that she'll try to get there as soon as she can. Rory hangs up, and thinks quietly for a second before pulling Logan's cell phone out of her pocket and scrolling through the numbers. She finds the one she's looking for, places the call, and gets her BITCH ON. "Mitchum Huntzberger?" she says. "It's Rory Gilmore. I just thought I'd call and remind you that Logan is lying in a hospital bed with a partially collapsed lung, and a whole host of other potentially life-threatening injuries." She doesn't even pause before lowering the boom: "And I'm figuring, a guy like you, surrounded by nothing but a bunch of terrified sycophants, might not have someone in his life with the guts to tell him what an incredibly selfish, narcissistic ass he's being, so I thought I'd jump on in. Swallow your pride, get in your car, and come down here and see your son. NOW." Sure, maybe it was inappropriate. Yeah, perhaps it's not her place, but...you go, Rory. For once, do anything but shut up.
Back at the diner, things are going awesomely. Lorelai is having a big time with all the girls, who are way into the makeup thing. She compliments one girl, saying she looks just like Sophia Loren. "I was going for Vanessa Manillo on MTV," says the girl. "Ah," says Lorelai, trying to play along. "I love her music." The girl explains that Vanessa's a VJ. "No, well, you didn't let me finish," says Lorelai. "I love her music video introductions. She's so smooth and...classy." Hee. April runs up to show off her makeover, and says that Leslie told her she had great bone structure. (Yeah, I bet, because Leslie wants to roast you and bake you in a cake! Run, April!) Lorelai agrees. "So, it's not weird," says April, "when someone complements your skull?" Lorelai says that a woman should take whatever compliment comes her way. April is so, so cute. I can't stand this storyline, still, but I can't help finding her charming. April asks Lorelai to paint a heart on her cheek, in purple, because she is obsessed with purple right now: "Probably because I'm obsessed with Harold and the Purple Crayon. I know I'm too old, but it's still, like, one of my all-time favorite books." Lorelai says that's okay; she's too old for US Weekly, but she still reads it. "So," April asks, "you have a daughter, right?" Lorelai: "Yes, Rory." April says that's good, because Lorelai would be wasted on a son, and that Lorelai reminds her of her mom: "I think you'd like her." Lorelai freezes up a little, but tries to hide it, and just smiles.
Later, still at the diner, April is having a blast opening her presents, and soon gets to Luke's. He bites his nails, now worrying about the toiletry kit, but when April opens the present, it's a copy of this book, with a gift certificate to a store she likes. She is thrilled, and jumps up to hug Luke, telling him she loves it. He happily thanks Lorelai for pulling one over on him. Lorelai suggests kicking the party up yet another notch -- turning it into a sleepover -- and when he puts the question to April, she squeals with delight all over again. All the girls leap onto their cell phones to get permission before Luke can even organize a single-file line for the landline. In all the activity, Lorelai says she's going to take off, but Luke begs her to stay: "April would want that." Lorelai looks happy, and agrees.
Meanwhile, Kirk has finished setting up a movie screen and projector for the evening's movie entertainment, and Lorelai gives the big introduction: "All right, girls. You're about to meet someone very special to me." She explains that Molly Ringwald was her generation's Audrey Hepburn, and that she knows they will love her. With that, they start Pretty in Pink, no doubt changing their lives forever.
Later, as Luke falls asleep on a cot downstairs, he hears the girls upstairs, playing light as a feather/stiff as a board.
The day at the Dragonfly, Lorelai tells Sookie all about the party. They reminisce about the wonders of makeup at age thirteen. "Whatever happened to the questionably attractive glories of Wet 'n Wild blue eye shadow," Lorelai says, "or crimping irons?" Sookie runs down her favorites as well, remembering with special fondness the delicious taste of Bonne Belle Lipsmackers. "Well," Lorelai asks, "who doesn't love a lip gloss that doubles as a necklace? And they smelled so great." Sookie tells the horrible tale of a kid in her class who ate her chocolate fudge-flavored lipsmacker and then barfed it up all over her copy of The Red Badge Of Courage. Lorelai tells Sookie that she and April bonded over the great party, and that she hopes this means Luke will stop hiding her away from April. She says that Luke must really have needed all that time and space to get to know April and that, in hindsight, it was good for him: "And I'm really glad that I let him have it." Sookie says that Lorelai has been incredibly patient about the whole thing. "I was," Lorelai agrees. "Incredibly patient, while at the same time being incredibly impatient." Sookie: "You're a complicated woman." Lorelai admits that this is true, and hands off some leftover Lipsmackers, to Sookie's great delight. "I feel like I'm fifteen again," Sookie says, smearing it on. "Jackson is totally getting under my bra tonight!"
At the diner, Luke is dusting stray glitter off a customer's pancakes when Anna rages through the door. Luke takes her into the back, where she really lays into him, saying that he's betrayed her trust: he said he was going to throw April a party, and his girlfriend was the one who threw it. Luke is flabbergasted. He explains that Lorelai was just there to help out, but Anna is furious that Lorelai slept upstairs with the girls, and goes on and on, all "she's my kid" this, "I can't trust you" that, and Sherilynn Finn is so over-the-top I'd like to punch her in the neck. My favorite part is where she rants that April is not a sweater Luke is borrowing, and that he can't just treat her like one. Stupid, especially since it makes no sense, but if they'd write Luke any balls, he could have easily and calmly said that neither is April a sweater Anna is loaning. But Luke is nearly speechless, swearing that Anna can trust him, and she drama-queens all over the place, saying that she's too mad even to look at him right now, and stomping out. Ugh. Put Anna, Babette, Emily, and Taylor in a boxing ring and see how long it takes for one of them to outshrew the rest. Then take the winner and drown him or her in a sack in the lake.
Rory is getting something out of a vending machine when she looks up and sees Mitchum down the hall. Without speaking, she points to Logan's room, which he grudgingly enters.
Lorelai is at home arranging the Chinese takeout when Luke comes in. She's all perky and happy to see him, but he's all sighing and being an ass, and Lorelai finally has to ask what's up. Luke tells Lorelai about Anna coming by and what she said, and instead of, like, laughing at what a bitch Anna is, he gets all high and mighty about it, saying he should have seen it coming. Lorelai's face says it all: she's crushed. Once again, she's getting the shaft.
Back at the hospital, Rory comes in to see Logan, whose father has just left. Logan's feeling better, but Rory looks more upset than ever. He asks her what's wrong, and she finally admits that she is sorry. She should have stopped him from going on the trip, she says, but she was too busy being mad at him and trying to punish him. Logan tells Rory that she shouldn't feel guilty -- that she couldn't have stopped him anyway -- but she's still sad: "I just sent you out that door. I didn't even care. I was so cold, and I could have lost you." Logan actually sacks up, here, and acts like a man, saying he's the one who should be sorry, about their fight and about this accident: "I don't know what's going on with me, but I'll get better."
Anna is coming out from the back of her store when Lorelai walks in. They make small talk about the stuff in the place, and Lorelai compliments her on the store itself. Anna's all friendly until Lorelai introduces herself as Luke's fiancée, and then Anna goes cold. Lorelai apologizes, very openly and nicely, saying that she just meant to help Luke with the party, but that she may have gone too far: "I just thought we should meet, so you could see that you have nothing to worry about." Anna smirks, totally know-it-all: "She's a thirteen-year-old girl. I always have something to worry about." Lorelai: "Yeah, of course, but I meant in regards to me." Anna sighs, condescendingly saying that she's sure Lorelai's a great person, but that Anna's a single mom and can't play fast and loose with the people in her kid's life. Lorelai says she completely understands, being a single mom herself. Anna asks what if April becomes attached to Lorelai and then one day Lorelai just disappears. "Well," Lorelai says, "that's not gonna happen." Anna says that Lorelai can't guarantee that, and that she has to have hard and fast rules. Which...you let your kid do a science project where she went around and plucked hairs from the three men you must have been sleeping with at the same time in order to figure out which one was her father. Yeah. You're quite the stern taskmaster. Anna continues to condescend, saying that she never even introduces her dates to April, because she wants her to have stability: "For all she knows, I'm a nun." Lorelai nods again, saying that she went through a whole Sister Wendy phase herself once: "But Luke and I are engaged. We are stable." Ridiculously, Anna says that being engaged doesn't mean anything: "People get engaged all the time." Maybe on this show they do. Lorelai insists that her relationship with Luke is not some casual thing -- it's been going on a long time and is solid. Anna says that's all well and good, but that April's her world, and April's getting really attached to Luke, and Anna's just worried about how it's all going: "When you're married, we'll deal with that, then." Lorelai really does understand, despite Anna's being kind of wretched about it. "I have a daughter," Lorelai says, all sad, "just like you." She thanks Anna for hearing her out, and with what look like tears in her eyes, she turns to go. "Hey," Anna calls after her. "If it makes you feel better, she had a really great time at that party." Lorelai kind of smiles a sad smile, saying that she's glad, and walks out.