In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
The newspaper board ousts Paris from the editor position, and Rory has to be the one to break it to her. Paris takes it all right, at first, even giving a dramatic resignation speech before getting booted. However, when the staff votes Rory in as the new editor, Paris goes for vengeance, throwing Rory out of their apartment. Logan suggests that she move in with him as a solution. Breaking my heart, Rory agrees. Michel is getting pissy about Luke doing odd jobs around the Inn. It finally comes out that Michel's just missing his time with Lorelai. She makes it up to him with red velvet cake. Rory invites Christopher to come visit her at Yale, and she has to tell him about living with Logan. The two men bond over their poor life choices and indiscriminate income. Rory asks Christopher not to tell Lorelai until she can tell her, herself, but he...tells. Because he's a ratfink. Lorelai is upset, but does all right with the news. Emily browbeats Lorelai into not only revealing her (secretly postponed) wedding date, but also inviting Luke to Friday Night Dinner. Richard gives them a huge, hilarious lecture on having their insurance coverage up to date, which includes a strong suggestion that Luke get confirmation that April is really his daughter. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Since Friday Night Dinners have been "officially reinstated," we're jumping right into the one. Everyone is on their best behavior as Lorelai tries to break the ice. "The roses look amazing, Mom," she says, complimenting the centerpiece. Rory agrees that they are nice. Richard, too, comments that Emily has a way with flowers. Lorelai can't let a good thing go, and jokily gives everybody a "well done!" for their civil behavior after last week's FND craziness. She tells everyone to keep up the niceness but, if you'll pardon the pun, the bloom is off the rose. Richard awkwardly tries to segue into a discussion about Yale before being smart-assily sideswiped by Emily, who says she wasn't aware they were allowed to talk about Yale. "Oh no," Richard smirks. "We're allowed to talk about it, we're just not allowed to pay for it." This has to be the only documented instance in reality or fiction of people being angry that they get to KEEP tens of thousands of dollars per year. The Grandparents continue to smart-ass about Yale, and Lorelai has to put the kibosh on it. She says that of course they can talk about Yale, since it is Richard's alma mater and Rory's school; it's just that maybe, right now, it's not the best subject. She tries to start the whole conversation over with a countdown: "And five, four, three, two...these roses look amazing, Mom." Gamely, Richard repeats his earlier comment about Emily missing her calling as an arranger, but Lorelai just can't be satisfied with anything, and tells him that it's not necessary to have a verbatim repeat. "Lorelai," he says, "this is my house. I should have some control over what goes on here, at some point." Exactly, Grandpa. No wonder you drink. These damn women have got to be exhausting.
Emily chastises Richard for raising his voice. He denies it, and she says that, in fact, he is raising his voice to her. "Well," he says, glancing at Rory, "I'm not allowed to raise it to the people who deserve it." Lorelai panics and does another countdown after which Richard musters all his effort into changing the subject, shouting, "I LOVE SHRIMP. WHO ELSE LOVES SHRIMP?" With impeccable timing, Rory shouts, "Me!" and Lorelai happily says she's also a fan. "This is ridiculous," Richard says, and Emily takes over, asking Lorelai how Luke is doing. "Nice one, Mom," Lorelai says proudly of Emily's conversation-changing skills. Except Emily actually wants to know about Luke. And how he's doing. And the date for their wedding. And why she has not received a save-the-date card. And if she needs a dress. And...everything. Under pressure, Lorelai blurts that the wedding will be June 3rd. Rory gives her mother a worried look, but Emily has already moved on: "June 3rd...that's very soon." She asks pointedly if there is any specific reason it's so soon. "Oh, boy," Lorelai groans as her mother continues repeating the date and commenting on how soon it is. She says that they have not seen Luke in a long time and that it's important that they get together with him before the wedding. Lorelai tries to stall, but to no avail. Emily insists that Lorelai bring him to dinner Friday. The browbeat is so strong, Lorelai looks close to bugging out, and to calm her, Rory gives her a countdown as we go into the credits.
Back at home, Lorelai is putting pizzas on a tray for the oven. "Have you noticed," she asks Rory, "that anything in a red wine reduction sauce leaves you hungry twenty minutes later?" Rory says yeah, especially if you don't eat it. Lorelai rants on, saying that her parents took an exceptionally long time for dinner that night. "My mother started on the white meat portion of her game hen at 8:15 and did not reach the drumstick 'til ten of nine." As she makes more bad food, Rory asks about June 3rd, saying that she thought the wedding had been postponed. Lorelai says that she was on the spot and didn't want to go through the whole explanation with her parents. I feel you, girl. My new philosophy is Tell No One Nothing About Anything, Ever. That way, they won't have to share in my many disappointments, thus allowing me to appear to the outside world as much less of a gigantic loser. "I just said June 3rd," she says, "and it could still happen, and if it doesn't...I'll cross that bridge when I come to it." Pathological avoidance. Good plan. Rory comes out of her room in full-on Yale attire, and says that she understands Lorelai's thinking.
Lorelai mentions that Christopher might like a Yale sweatshirt, or something -- that maybe it would make him feel more involved in Rory's life. She asks Rory if she's talked to Christopher lately, saying it's weird how he pops up and then disappears. "I wonder what he's up to," she says, suspiciously. Rory says that maybe he's just doing what he promised to do: putting up the money and staying out of everything else. Lorelai contemplates this. "That's so un-Christopher of him," she says, turning on Bullets Over Broadway. ["Also...girl, please. That's entirely Christopher of him. It's so Christopher of him to disappear that I'm shocked the tuition money didn't disappear with him." -- Wing Chun] She suggests that Rory invite Christopher to Yale to look around. "Just don't take him to the library," she says, shivering with mock boredom. "And don't show him all your classes, and don't make him touch the toe." Rory looks offended and says that it's her tour. "Seriously," she says. "Don't speak."
The staff of the Yale paper is in nervous conference when Rory comes in. They confirm her fears: Paris has been ousted by the board. Thing is, no one has told Paris, who won't come out of her cardboard cave. "I interrupted Her Highness," one staffer says, "and got a five-thousand-word lecture on Robert's Rules of Order." Rory says that Paris has got to be told about her ouster, and volunteers to be the one to do it: "It's probably better that the person delivering the news doesn't chuckle with glee while doing it."
Rory finds Paris in her bunker on the phone with Mr. Weisner, an angry advertiser. She placates the guy and, when Rory comes in, complains about the editorship being a 24/7 job. She says that Weisner was threatening to withhold money he had pledged to the school because his ad was messed up in the paper. "Can he even do that?" she asks. Rory nervously says she doesn't know as Paris heats up a can of soup on a hotplate. Cleary, the madness has taken full hold of Paris, and I have to ask again: where the frick is Doyle? Her boyfriend? With whom she lives? Who has done this job before and could be of help? Has she killed him and put him in a box? Because I think it's a weird oversight of the writers to think we've forgotten he exists and that he would let Paris go down in flames like this. Rory starts her speech. Unfortunately for those of us who were just starting to tolerate Rory again, she makes it all about herself, reminding Paris how long they've known each other and all the things they've been through together. "We supported each other," she says, as Paris continues to mumble over her soup, "through good times and bad. This is a not-so-good time, Paris." The brilliant Liza Weil, totally getting the shaft in this storyline, says she knows: "If the hurricanes don't kill us, the bird flu will." No, Rory says, clarifying that she means that this is a bad time for Paris, here at the paper: "The board voted you out." Paris looks confused for only a moment before coming to a resigned acceptance. Rory says that she's sorry -- that she just found out. Paris says it's not like she didn't know it was a possibility. "So," she says, nodding to the staff room. "Are they all out there excitedly awaiting my perp walk?" Rory pshaws: "Who cares about them? You don't perp-walk. You're Paris Gellar, you walk tall! You're better than all of them." So true. Rory adds that Paris doesn't need this dumb job anyway -- she's going to be a doctor. "Surgeon," Paris corrects. Rory nods, and says she's also going to be a lawyer. "Judge," says Paris. Rory agrees that it will be a hell of a workload: "And the workload here -- the indignities -- smoothing the ruffled feathers of advertisers; covering sports as if they matter -- you are exhausted, Paris. Stretched thin. Eating soup out of a can!" Paris is beginning to buy all of this. Yes, she says, she is pretty tired: "And I'll be damned if I'm gonna give those people a perp walk." Rory says that's a good attitude. "Let's get out of this spider hole and take care of this right now," Paris says, suddenly energized. Rory says she's with her, and follows her into the staff room.
"Everyone," Paris shouts. "I have a little announcement." She says that it has become increasingly clear that she has become the story at the Yale Daily News and that it has overshadowed their journalistic efforts. (I am thinking some of speech this was taken from Howell Raines's resignation at The New York Times, but I can't source it. I feel like it's from something.) "Well," she says, "I don't want to be the story at my own newspaper, because then I'd be Judith Miller, and I'd have to wear my bangs too long, and overdo my lipstick." Hee. She says she doesn't want that and therefore is tendering her resignation immediately. She says that the paper has overcome numerous obstacles in its august history and that it will easily overcome this. "My resignation will be a loss," she says. "But it will be a loss the Daily News can survive, and will survive, and it is a loss it must survive. Luke is at the Inn, drilling something (not like that!), complaining to Lorelai about going to her parents' house for dinner. "Your parents are not warm people," he says, making the understatement of the century. Lorelai agrees: "They were extras in March of the Penguins." Luke suggests that maybe they could go and just skip the drinks portion of the evening. "Luke," Lorelai says, "you don't skip the one activity that makes the rest of the evening miraculously tolerable. The drinks fortify us! The drinks give us strength! The drinks...get us drunk!" Hear, hear. Luke says it just takes forever, and that he'll have to sit there and talk to Richard about stocks and literature and feel like an idiot because he knows nothing about either: "How many times can two people have the same awful conversation?" Oh, Luke. If you could only meet my father-in-law. Lorelai says that her plan to get out earlier is to fake food poisoning during the dessert course and have Luke rush her to the car. "Fake stomach pain is my specialty," she says. "That, and getting my fiancé to agree to horrible things he hates!"
Lorelai makes a quick exit on this, only to run into Michel. He asks what Luke is doing making repairs at the Inn, when they have a handyman, Parker, employed for that reason. Lorelai says that's true, but that Luke offered and, wink-wink, "the price was right." Michel gets his bitch on -- or should I say his beetch? -- and smart-assedly comments about Luke's price. "Well," Lorelai says, "I did have to give him a coupon for a hundred free snuggles. Parker always kind of turned up his nose at my snuggle bucks." Michel is not amused. He says that if the Inn is going to start hiring non-professionals to do the work there, maybe they can hire his cousin to do accounting. "She's got her own calculator," he says. Lorelai says it's not like Luke is doing open-heart surgery -- he's fixing a few things and saving them money. Michel snits that Luke's not doing a good job, and Lorelai suggests that Michel tell Luke what he wants. Michel says it would be absurd for him to follow Luke around, correcting his every mistake. "We will sit down and make a detailed list of everything we need done," he says, "and he can consult that." Though this is a good suggestion, Lorelai says that Luke does not need a list; he has a sixth sense about things that need to be fixed. Michel once again expresses his lack of confidence in this method, and says that he'll do a walk-through with Luke. Lorelai repeats that Luke has it covered, and that it won't be necessary. Yes, Controlelai, be sure to manage everyone's every thought and move when it comes to Luke, who has reached the stage of curmudgeonlihood that you fear he won't be able to have a conversation with another human being.
At the newspaper office, the staff is trying to elect a new editor. Is this how this stuff gets done? Do they not have an advisor from the J-school who serves as publisher and helps determine who the editor will be? I guess Yale's too advanced for that. Though Rory is not even up for editor, she serves as the tie-breaker and is voted in. She immediately gets down to business, delegating and saying she wants some space in editorial to write a note to the readers. Lame.
At her apartment building, later, Rory comes home to find her stuff in the hall and the locks changed. She knocks on the door calling for Paris and the elusive Doyle, and Paris whips open the door. "You dare show your face?" she hisses. Rory isn't getting it, and asks what her stuff is doing in the hall. Paris spits that Rory's evicted, and that the chain on the door is for Rory's protection. "Krav maga, baby," she says. "When my enemies approach, I'm trained to pounce. It's a reflex." Rory says that she's not Paris's enemy, but Paris firmly disagrees: "Enemies move in silence and strike when their prey is weakest. Pretty much sums you up, doesn't it, Editor Gilmore?" Rory says that Paris's firing was done by the board, but Paris accuses Rory of lobbying for the job: "That secret meeting, weeks ago at the pub, where you set the putsch in motion? What happened, there wasn't a beer hall available?" Rory insists that she set no putsch in motion: "I can't even spell 'putsch'!" Paris scoffs: "Nice spin. Take it to K Street." She slams the door, saying that she made Rory her #2 and that it went to Rory's head. Rory yells that Paris can't just kick her out like this, but Paris rightly points out that there's a hallway full of Rory's stuff that proves otherwise. "But we're friends," Rory says, and I have to laugh right along with Paris, considering Rory's many denials of their friendship this season. "We're not friends," Paris counters, and repeats Rory's speech about all the good times they had at Chilton: "Well, the good times are over." And with one final jerk of the door to throw one of Rory's ten thousand scarves in her face, she slams it closed.
Back at the Inn, Michel confronts Luke, who is making repairs to a chair leg. Michel is pissed that Luke's "feelthy green truck" is parked in guest parking, and says that feelthy green truck parking is in the back, behind the shed. Luke grumbles that he'll move it, later, but Michel is not done: "Now, about your hat." Michel reminds us all that gentlemen don't wear hats indoors, and I quite agree, but Luke counters that he's not much of a gentleman, anyway. "Not if you persist in dressing like a Peanuts character," Michel agrees. Ha! Michel is so, so overly bitchy in this episode, but considering the absolute ridiculousness of Luke right now, I'm fine with it. Luke says that he's not taking off his hat, but Michel has moved on: he says he saw Luke giving directions to a guest this morning and insists that Luke is not qualified to do so, being merely a diner owner. "That is my job," Michel clenches out, "and you lack my people skeelz!" He continues bitching and yelling and says that he saw Luke eating a sandwich, that they do not allow "the help" to eat in front of the guests, and that Luke is to eat in the barn from now on. Luke, understandably, says he ain't eating in the barn. "Parker ate in the barn," Michel retorts, full of florid emotion. Luke: "Who's Parker?" Michel: " Parker is wonderful, wonderful man!" And, nearly in tears, Michel stomps out.
Still in the hallway with her stuff, Rory calls Logan. "There are no singles left," she says. Logan is, as you might imagine, confused. Rory says that there are no apartments anywhere on campus. I...hate it when this show does this. Don't call someone up and start talking in the middle of a story. This is not a French farce where all sorts of hijinks are about to break out based on some simple misunderstanding. This ain't Three's Company! ["True, and more's the pity." -- Wing Chun] Logan, naturally, is confused, but Rory finally explains the editorship, the kicking out, etc. "Hotplate Harriet took it very badly," she says. Logan says that Paris is an idiot (and he ought to know), and asks what Rory's doing now. She says she's waiting on Starving Students to come move her stuff, but she's skeptical: "How starving can they be if the can't come 'til five hours after you call? Plus, I heard that guy crunching on something during our call; sounded like Baked Lays." Cute. Speaking of crunching, Logan bites the big one. He says that since Rory's got nowhere to go, she should move in with him. He says she's already there half the time anyway, and already has two dresser drawers she calls her own, so why not? "And right now, for a limited time," he says, "I'll throw in three more drawers, and a set of Ginsu knives." Rory is intrigued. "Really?" she says, and he shakes his head, admitting, "I have no idea where to get Ginsu knives." I wish you did, dude. If they can cut through a piece of rebar, they might be able to take a slice out of your smarm. Rory says it's really sweet of him to offer, but that it's kind of a big step; still, Logan presses on. "You need a place, I've got the space," he says. "It'll be fun." Rory gives in: "Well, I might need just one more drawer. I can put my socks in a shoebox under the bed." Logan seems glad she's saying yes, and says he's calling Colin and Finn to come pick up her stuff. I don't understand why HE cannot come and help her move her stuff. Why are Colin and Finn his personal moving service? What exactly is he doing right now, anyway? Looking up ever funkier male hairdos online? Buying stock in gray sweaters? Writing a paper on how to get someone else to write all your papers for you?
In the kitchen at the Inn, Lorelai finds Michel sorting his ration of twelve daily walnuts. "I hate to see you bingeing like this," Lorelai tells him, before launching into the reason for her visit: "Let's talk about your little spat with Luke, today." Michel rolls his eyes, calling Luke a crybaby. Lorelai insists that Luke is not a crybaby, but that he doesn't like getting screamed at by people he's doing favors for. "Did you check his diaper?" Michel asks. "Maybe he's just upset because you forgot to change him today." SNAP! Good one, Michel. He adds that he used to yell at Parker all the time, and that Parker never complained. "What is this thing with you and Parker?" Lorelai asks. "Did he save your life in 'Nam?" Michel snipes that Parker, unlike Luke, is a professional. "Parker," Lorelai says, "is a clumsy, forgetful, sixty-five-year-old, semi-lucid, not that handy handyman." Flustered, Michel says that Luke wears a hat indoors. "So did Parker," Lorelai retorts. Michel says Parker's hat was a wool knit cap, which is completely different. "So," Lorelai says, trying to understand, "this is a hat thing?" Michel says that he just does not like Luke's system -- that he misses many things that need not be missed. Lorelai repeats that, in that case, Michel needs to jot down a list for Luke. "That's not how we make the list," Michel says. Lorelai says that they'll type it up, then. "NO!" Michel says, finally breaking down. "We make the list at Westin's over coffee. That's what we do when we make the list. We go once a month to Westin's together, and we sit and we decide on the work for the handyman." Lorelai looks stunned while Michel rants on. "That's our thing," Michel says, his voice cracking. "We get very large coffees, and we split a slice of red velvet cake, and we gossip and I eat the whole cake and you never tell anyone." Lorelai is moved. She says that she has always enjoyed their trips to Westin's. "Oh, yes," Michel says. "That is what I do when I like something -- I cut it out of my life completely." Lorelai insists that she didn't cut coffee with Michel out of her life, but that it's just been crazy around the place and she felt like having Luke do the odd jobs would save them money. She asks what Michel is doing that afternoon. "I was going to yell at Doreen," he says, morose, "about the soap spots on the bathroom floor tiles." Lorelai says they should go to Westin's, but Michel says he doesn't want her "pity cake." She insists it isn't pity cake, and as a matter of fact, it's so delicious, he has to get his own this time because they are not sharing. Placated, Michel agrees. My God, what an endless scene. Cute, yes, but endless -- I am never going to complain about Michel being in an episode, but it's painful to see him used purely as filler in an hour full of filler.
At Yale, Rory is showing Christopher around. He says that, thus far on the tour, he has seen no one smarter or better than Rory. She smiles, until she sees two girls walk by and clock her dad. "It's the same way with Mom," she says. "I hate having hot parents." Whatever. Christopher, to me, loses a lot of hot points for being kind of a dink. They walk by a classroom where a professor is teaching Microeconomics. Christopher audibly snores, saying the guy is dull and clearly doesn't own an iron.
Later, in the cafeteria -- which looks like one of the common rooms at Hogwarts -- Chris says he wants to see Rory's place. No, no. He says he wants to see where his "kid" lives. Ugh. I think I've mentioned how over the word "kid" I am, right? The word has become so hipster, it hurts. They particularly love to sling it around on this show. Rory tries to put him off, saying that her place is pretty messy, but it doesn't really work.
We see Chris and Rory disembarking the elevator at Logan's building. Chris is marveling at the lavish place, and says he even slipped the fancy doorman some cash to keep an eye on Rory. She says he doesn't have to do that, but Chris insists: "Are you kidding? I love slipping people money to do things!" Um, are they trying to MAKE us hate Christopher? Because...I do. And also, does anyone else hear the violin strains of foreshadowing? Pay close attention to those. Chris and Rory stop at the door, and Rory freezes. "You got a key," Chris asks, "or is it scanning your retina for access?" Rory sucks it up: "Dad, I have to be straight with you about something." She tells him about her weird day, starting with being voted editor, which was good, but being kicked out of her apartment by Paris, which was bad. "I had no place to go," she concludes. "So, I moved in with my boyfriend." Christopher is slightly taken aback. "You actually met him once," Rory continues. "At Grandma's vow renewal. He was the guy with the..." Chris interrupts: "When I walked in and you two..." Rory: "Exactly." Christopher deals with it as best he can, being the non-parent that he is, and says that they should open the door to "see what my daughter living with her boyfriend looks like."
Logan, to say the least, is surprised to see Chris and Rory there. Rory had tried to call him, she says, but he didn't hear the phone due to his headphones. None of this matters, of course, as Christopher's eyes bug out all around the room as he marvels at Logan's superswank abode. Logan shakes his hand like they're old golf buddies, and this faux-maturity just goes all over me. My dad would have knocked my own head off by now for moving in with a boyfriend. Actually, when I finally did do just that at AGE TWENTY-NINE, my mother pulled me aside and told me, in hushed, dramatic tones, "Your daddy CRIED today." Seriously, people. So I have no point of reference for this laissez-faire attitude about "kids" moving in with "boyfriends" and if any boyfriend of mine had had the audacity to slap my father's shoulder like they were long lost frat brothers...my Lord, the apocalypse that would have taken place. Incidentally, we all still laugh about "my daddy crying today," because his untimely demise a very short time later unfortunately made it impossible for him to learn what a great guy I had just moved in with (and who I eventually married).
"I didn't mean to barge in on you like this," Chris says. "I just wanted to make sure my kid's got a decent place to live, that's all." Gross. They make awkward chit chat, until Christopher notices Logan's plasma television and asks him how he likes it: "I was thinking about getting the sixty inch for the bedroom." Those violins get a little louder and lead us over to Logan's side table, on which Chris notices a framed picture of Endicott Peabody. "Are you a Groton man?" he asks, full of surprise, and Logan says he was, briefly, but that he actually swiped that picture from the headmaster's office as he was being kicked out. Well, congratulations. And what an impressive thing to say to the man whose daughter you are now banging under your own roof. But, see, Chris is so "cool," he is actually impressed by this because, guess what? He was also kicked out of Groton. Why, how fascinating. They run down a list of the schools from which they were both booted, like it's the funniest thing ever, and are practically making out by the time Rory returns with Chris's soda. At this point, the violins should be so loud, you're covering your ears because...RORY IS DATING HER FATHER. Get it? I mean, if it hadn't been obvious before, they're nice enough to spell it out for us in this episode. "Rory," dear ol' dad says after Logan describes yet another of his petty crimes, "you've got a good man here." Rory cringes. "Interesting yardstick you're using," she says. They all decide to go to dinner together. "He's a cool guy," Chris says, as Logan goes to get his wallet. Barf. Rory tells her dad that she has not had a chance to tell Lorelai about any of this yet, and would like to break it all to Lorelai, herself. Chris understands: "You tell her. I'm going TV shopping." He can't even get out the door without commenting on Logan's Xbox. "Whoa," he says. "I'm totally moving in here with you, now."
In Lorelai's bedroom, Luke is looking over the handyman list she made with Michel. Luke's not happy about it. "Just look at is as a challenge," she says from the bathroom as she gets read for Friday Night Dinner. "Wow," he says. "Re-grout the tiles behind the sink basin." Lorelai says it's long overdue. "How can you tell?" Luke asks, incredulous. "Well," she says. "If you slide on your back, under the sink, and shine a flashlight up in the areas where the basin meets the wall...it's really obvious." Luke is not thrilled with this task, nor with the one that says to replace chocolate-brown contact paper in the cabinets with cocoa-brown paper. Lorelai laughs, saying that item was the result of a major sugar rush due to a second piece of cake. "I hate this list," Luke says, in what is perhaps the first instance of direct communication by anyone on this show. Lorelai says that she knows, but that she and Michel made the list together and that they bonded and that doing it will make Michel happy. "I don't want to make him happy," Luke says. Lorelai understands, but does not back down: "If Michel's happy, then I'm happy. And then I take all that happiness and give it right back to you, tonight. In bed. After you spend four hours with my parents. What do you say?!" Beaten, Luke asks if Parker can do the list, instead. "No," she says, and drags him out to meet his doom...I mean, "Emily."
At dinner, Emily actually seems to be on her best behavior. She does chide Luke, in a very friendly way, about not eating very much. "My motto," he says, "is 'everything in moderation.'" Richard says that is a smart way to go: "Very Waldenesque." Luke is insisting that everything at dinner is really good when the maid comes in with Lorelai's third martini. "Helps settle my stomach," she says, to Emily's inquisitive eyes. "Helps counteract the absolutely regrettable shrimp I had for lunch today." She waves her eyebrows at Luke, who gets in on the game. "Yeah," he says, "you mentioned that before. The shrimp did not agree with you." Lorelai nods and gets dramatic. "Might have to turn in early," she says. "Damn that Al!" Hey! Oh, she's talking about Al's Pancake World, where she had the shrimp. "You ate shrimp at a pancake house?" Emily asks, amazed. "Well, of course your stomach's unsettled." Exactly. I am vividly reminded of this one time my husband ate shrimp at a karaoke bar when we were visiting Pamie and Stee and big and unfortunate dramas occurred in his whole GI tract. Let that be a lesson unto you, internet. Don't eat shrimp at a restaurant without, at the very least, a neon shrimp on its sign.
Emily abruptly changes the subject, asking if Luke is living at Lorelai's now. He says that they are just beginning to consolidate things. "Consolidating your assets?" Richard says, importantly. "Tricky business." Emily asks if there's enough room at Lorelai's house for both of them. She tells them that she did some remodeling. "You've updated your coverage, I assume," Richard says. "Small gaps in your insurance coverage can lead to big mistakes. Oh, I could tell you horror stories." So could I, Grandpa. So could I.
Emily throws out the first horrific example of the underinsured: Brian Hunter. "Yes," Richard says, and tells the sad story of Brian Hunter, who owned a home for forty years until his bimbo trophy wife burned it down with a marijuana cigarette. "He couldn't afford to rebuild," Richard says. "Lost his fortune, lost the bimbo." Emily interrupts: "Now he sells sunglasses out of the back of a van in California," she says. "Cheap ones." Richard: "Because he didn't update his coverage." He asks Luke about the coverage on his diner. Lorelai tries to make a joke, saying that if her dad invited them over to talk insurance, she's going to have to insist on seeing the complimentary customer calendar. Luke nervously says that he thinks he's all up-to-date on his coverage. He says that he's known his insurance guy a long time. Richard says that they can't be naïve -- that there are schemers all over the place looking to take advantage. "John Kendall," Emily says. Richard nods. Poor John Kendall wrote a huge check to a fake insurance guy and then suffered earthquake damage for which he was not insured. "Now he's working the gift shop at the Grand Ol' Opry," Richard says. "Horrid music," Emily interjects, causing me to throw my remote in protest. Lorelai and Luke are looking more and more nervous, but the Grandparents go on. Apparently, Luke and Lorelai haven't heard the tragic tale of Hubert Lansing. "Fell prey to a telephone scam running out of Estonia," Richard says, seriously. "Took his life with a track and field starter's pistol." I have to pause here and give props to that line and the superhuman Edward Herrman who delivers it, as he does everything, so brilliantly. "On your mark, get set, die awkwardly," Lorelai cringes, but Richard goes on, saying that it's not funny. He says that both Luke and Lorelai have significant assets and thus are both targets. "Who in the world would target us?" Lorelai asks. Richard says that grifters and con men are everywhere. "Joe Collins," Emily intones, and Lorelai has to interrupt. "Oh my God," she says. "You two have more stories than Somerset Maugham!"
Richard goes on, saying that Luke's daughter's suddenly appearing out of nowhere raises a red flag. "Do you think she's a grifter?" Lorelai jokes. The Grandparents say of course not, but that the people around her could be. The timing, Richard says, is a bit suspect, especially now, when Luke is about to marry a woman of means. "I'm not a woman of means," Lorelai insists, but Richard says that the Stars Hollow real estate market is skyrocketing: her home and her Inn are worth a lot. Luke and Lorelai are getting more and more nervous. Emily and Richard ask questions about the DNA test April and her alleged uncle allegedly performed on Luke's hair. Luke says he "thinks" the uncle is authorized to perform such tests. "You never confirmed it?" Emily asks. Luke: "I saw a picture of him...he was standing right to a microscope." Finally, someone casts aspersions on this crazy storyline. The Grandparents say that when Luke and Lorelai get married on June 3rd (as if!), they'll all be connected, and thus all their assets are in jeopardy, and as the maid brings in dessert, L & L look across the table at each other in horror.
After dinner, the stagger out the door, exhausted. (This is, incidentally, may be my favorite Luke and Lorelai scene of the whole series.) "I didn't realize," Luke says, breathless, "that there were so many horrible ways you could lose everything you own." Lorelai can barely stand up: "Con men!" she shouts. "Con men! Are there really con men? I thought they went the way of vaudevillians and Trotskyites." They have a very funny and increasingly panicked conversation, frantically listing all the ways the con men could come after them and their families and everyone they know. When they get all the way to Sookie and Jackson, the ridiculousness of the situation finally hits Lorelai. "This is what Gilmores do!" she says. "They get in your freakin' head and they mess with it!" Luke: "Oh, they're good at that!" Lorelai says that she and Luke are adults, and that they have it under control and can talk over their coverage with their insurance guys. "But in person, right?" Lorelai says of Luke's guy. "You should see his office. That's what the Hubert Lansing story taught us!" Luke is confused. "Or was it John Kendall?" he says. "No," Lorelai reminds him. "He's selling banjos in Nashville." Luke nods and says it was Hubert Lansing, and agrees that he should see his insurance guy in person. Luke wonders if he should be worried about April after all, but says he trusts his gut, and doesn't suspect Anna of running a con on him. Lorelai says that she trusts his gut, too, and feels like she should run back into the house and yell at her parents about something. "What is this feeling..." Luke asks, hand over heart. "This tightness in the chest...this anger, mixed with paralyzing weakness?" Lorelai pffts. "You've been Gilmored!" she says. "But you know what the weird thing is? They referred to us as family. You. Me." Luke agrees that that was crazy, and Lorelai says that in some twisted way, it may have been her parents validating them as a couple. They take deep breaths, trying to recover, when it dawns on Luke that Emily had mentioned June 3rd as their wedding date. "Oh," Lorelai covers. "Old information. They're always a step behind."
Over at Yale, Chris sneaks out of the restaurant to rat out his daughter. He calls Lorelai, telling her about Rory's moving in with Logan. He is, he says, just trying to do the right thing as a parent, which I guess we're supposed to think is noble, or something, but I don't like him, so it isn't. Lorelai is upset, but takes it all right. Chris asks if he's supposed to hate Logan, but Lorelai says that he can feel however he wants about him. "Good, because...I think I like him," Christopher admits. "He's a cool guy. Great apartment. Funny." Lorelai rolls her eyes and says that Logan is taken. "Wow," she then sighs, and not in a great way. "Our little girl is living with her boyfriend." She and Chris try to let it soak in, but Lorelai gets another call.
Somehow, it's Rory, and somehow she's in her apartment even though her dad is still at the restaurant. Rory tells her that she gave her dad the tour today. "It was nice," she says. "He saw the campus. We had dinner." Lorelai says that all sounds very 7th Heaven. Rory says that she has news, and tells the story again about being made editor of the paper, and about moving in with Logan after being kicked out by Paris. Lorelai is thrilled to hear the former but not the latter. "Wow, big news," Lorelai says, attempting to sound cool about it. "Dad told you," Rory says, "didn't he?" Lorelai tells her not to be mad at Chris for telling, and Rory asks what Lorelai really thinks about her moving in with Logan. "I'm sorry," Lorelai says. "Do you remember what happened the last time I piped in with my opinions on your life choices?" Rory says that she really wants to know, and Lorelai says that, yes, she thinks moving in is a big deal, but that she can't really say, since she never lived with a guy, "and there's that whole thing about the cow and the milk's free..." Rory says that she does love Logan, and Lorelai sighs and says she wants Rory to be happy. Rory says that she is very happy. Lorelai congratulates her, in that case, and says she wants to hear all about what it's like to really live with a guy. "I have heard some horror stories about toilet seats," she says, "that you would not believe."