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For this -- the shocking season finale -- I decided to go the extra mile and fly home to my parents' house in Connecticut, to add greater sense of realism to my recap. It just so happened that my brother is graduating from college this weekend, but the real reason I came home was for you guys. Happy end of Season 5!
We pick up slightly after where we left off last week: Lorelai arrives at a police station to pick up her daughter. She's her usual chatty self with the desk officer, allowing us to find out that Rory was arrested and even put in a jail cell, although she didn't have any company there since, the officer says, it was a "slow night." (We later find out that this police station is in Bridgeport, a city where the chances of having a slow night, criminal activity-wise, is extremely unlikely.) Lorelai says that, usually, her daughter is a law-abiding "angel." A Yale-attending, law-abiding angel. By the conclusion of this episode, she'll be neither. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Lorelai asks if Rory is in "the system" now, like how Sipowicz's son almost was in that one episode. Sipowicz was very concerned about that. Should Lorelai also be concerned? The officer doesn't have much to say about that, possibly because he was a Hill Street Blues fan and thought that NYPD Blue was an inferior rip-off. The officer tells Lorelai that Rory will be released with a "promise to appear" in court, and Lorelai says that Rory will certainly keep that promise. She adds that Rory will probably arrive in court before the officer does. "I won't be there," says the officer impatiently. Lorelai decides to go sit down and stop making a fool of herself.
Lorelai shouldn't have worried, as Richie's assy friends Colin and Finn arrive and immediately prove to be far more annoying and silly than Lorelai could ever be. They ask the officer where they can order appetizers, and he tries not to leap over the desk, through the bulletproof glass, and strangle them. They take a seat to Lorelai and start talking about how awesome Richie is for his boat-stealing stunt. At that point, they realize that Lorelai is Rory's mom and become even more obnoxious. For probably the only time this episode, I'm actually happy when Rory enters the scene, because it means she and Lorelai will leave the station and Colin and Finn. They give Rory a "we're not worthy" bow as she walks by them.
Lorelai and Rory return to Stars Hollow and pull up in front of Luke's. They sit in the car and have awkward small talk about a bike race that will be going through the town, and about the fingerprint ink on Rory's fingers. Lorelai finally says that she'd like to start talking about the more serious and pressing issue of Rory's getting arrested. At that point, Rory's cell rings. She moves to answer it, saying it's Richie, and Lorelai says she'd really rather that Rory didn't talk to the guy who got her arrested right now. Not to mention the fact that it's very rude to start talking to someone on a cell phone while you're in the middle of a conversation with someone else. To her credit, Rory sticks up for Richie and says that SHE was the one who got HIM arrested. Since Richie spent the night in jail "because" of her, the least she could do is take his call. By this logic, you'd think Rory could also give five seconds of her time to the person who came to pick her up from jail, but no.
“ Lorelai says that all young people do stupid things. At least Rory's stupid mistake won't stay with her for the rest of her life with its slurry baby voice, like Lorelai's did. ”
Lorelai angrily exits the car so that Rory can talk to her boyfriend. She's immediately accosted by Taylor, who doesn't get the hint when he calls out to her and she keeps walking. He's all like, "turn around! Turnaroundturnaround!" to get her attention. Poor Lorelai: only a few minutes into this episode and she's already had to deal with four brats. Taylor's big news is that the side of the road Lorelai just parked on is about to be a no-parking zone in five minutes because of the day's bike race, which Taylor claims is "very prestigious." Nothing says "prestigious" like people wearing spandex! Taylor says that if Lorelai's car isn't out of the no-parking zone when the clock hits 10, it will be towed away. At this, Kirk revs up a tow truck and announces that he is "coming" for Lorelai. Lorelai says she'll move the car before 10. Taylor says it would be easier if Lorelai just moved it now. Lorelai: "If it would be easy, then anyone could do it. And I'm a maverick!" She takes off. Taylor looks pleadingly at the sky, so exasperated is he with these bike-race-unappreciating people he is forced to share oxygen with.
Lorelai enters the diner and tells Luke about Rory's little misadventure. He's so shocked and appalled that he stops cleaning the counter to sit down with Lorelai and hear more. There's not much more to tell, though, since Lorelai hasn't heard any of the details yet because her daughter's celly was blowin' up. Lorelai starts talking about hand soap, and how Rory will need some to wash off the fingerprint ink. She says she has no idea what to do ; she didn't think she would ever have to deal with this kind of thing from Rory, who couldn't even return a library book late without being all upset that her overdue-ness had deprived the rest of the library's patronage of the chance to read the The Iliad. DORK! Luke is very supportive and packs a bag of diner pastries for the girls. Lorelai says that all young people do stupid things. At least Rory's stupid mistake won't stay with her for the rest of her life with its slurry baby voice, like Lorelai's did.
When Lorelai returns to the car, Rory is off the phone and confused about the "two-minute warning" Kirk just gave her. Lorelai gives her some donuts and asks Rory why on earth she stole a boat. Rory says she was upset. Lorelai says that when she's upset, she eats pound cake. She's a little annoyed that, for the thirty thousand dollars a year Yale charges, they don't even have pound cake, thus leaving students with no choice other than to steal boats when they're feeling sad. Rory sighs and tells Lorelai about Mitch's performance evaluation, and how Rory has absolutely no ability to handle disappointment. As Kirk's tow truck approaches the Gilmore Jeep, Lorelai goes off on Mitch and how he's full of crap. She says that Mitch isn't God, and that his opinion of Rory is both uninformed and unimportant. Rory makes an insincere-sounding apology for her behavior, and then starts to freak out as she realizes that she just got arrested and will need hand soap for those fingerprint ink stains. Lorelai -- the master of anticipating her daughter's needs -- says that they will figure this out. She starts up the Jeep and they drive away, thus depriving Kirk of yet another chance to wield whatever teeny-tiny amount of power he has over them.