Previously: Emily butted in. Christopher was an ass. Luke high-tailed it out of his relationship with Lorelai. Logan got some tail.
Lorelai takes mail from mailman Skip, even though she has a mailbox (and I wonder which one she ended up buying from Kirk for the inn). Lorelai compliments the "stems" on Skip, and approves of his being back in shorts. Lorelai flips through her large stack of mail and makes a "Pfth!" sound. She picks up the phone and calls her daughter. The phone number? La-la-la-LA-la-la-LA (area code 203). Ooh, Lorelai's cute outfit and the boots. I can't wear a sweater vest without looking like an exchange student dressed by her elderly caretakers. Lorelai is upset that the entire stack of mail is for Rory. "This mail envy of yours is not pretty," Rory comments. Lorelai did get some more "stupid Greenpeace return address labels." Those'll keep coming for the rest of your life. Can you believe Rory's still typing on that Blueberry clamshell iMac? Lorelai says she "feels badly [sic]" for the environment. Rory scolds Lorelai for calling Rory's cell when her bill's already astronomical. Lorelai: "But a conversation with me? Priceless."
Lorelai finds a postcard from the Temple of Apollo. It's from Emily. Look at Rory's Lite Brite lamp. Where can I get that? [/Stac(e)y] Lorelai thinks it's weird that Emily can compartmentalize her life like that, comparing her to a serial killer who goes to work, talks about a "funny Seinfeld" she saw, and then goes home and cooks herself a "man-flesh sandwich." Ha. Lorelai reads the postcard aloud: "Dear Lorelai. Kicked a dog, then punched a gypsy in the groin." Rory tells her mother to stop, but Lorelai's not finished yet: "Complained about the fois gras to a waiter whose yearly pay is less than what I spend monthly on silver polish. Then, kicked another dog!" Hee. "Tripped a nun. Then burned down an orphanage." Rory notes that Emily's vacation has a busy itinerary. Lorelai rips the postcard in half. Rory says she's just been getting reminders about Friday Night Dinner. Rory says that, for the record, she's mad at Emily as well: "Anything else?" When Lorelai is bristled from the briskness, Rory explains that she's busy studying. Lorelai: "I gotta pop out of an envelope for you to have an interest in me?" Rory promises that they'll have a gay old time this Friday night, after the dinner. Lorelai tells Rory that Skip's back in shorts. Rory wisely announces she's not going to waste cell-phone minutes on Skip and his shorts. Lorelai adds that they're the funny Reno 911! short-shorts. They hang up, and we go to opening credits.
Luke's mad, you guys. Really mad. Throwing coffee, bumping Asian Cesar, tossing plates mad. It actually looks like he might have bruised Cesar. Lane (who's back in her glasses) shoves mfTL, and tells him to sit up and actually pay for this meal. MfTL says he's not going to pay for cold, undercooked fries. Lane says that this advice is for his own protection, since Luke is in a very bad mood. Lane kicks mfTL's feet off the chair and promises him that she's doing this because she cares for him. A customer (wearing a sweater with sleeves I don't understand) leans over and asks Lane about his omelet, which is "way overdone." Before Lane can explain why he should shut up about that, Luke opens the diner door, picks the customer up by his collar, and throws him out before the words "Make me another" have stopped making sound waves. Luke yells to the rest of his patrons, "How's everyone else's eggs, huh?" Everybody immediately chimes in that their eggs are super-fab, thanks for asking. MfTL tosses a wad of ones onto the table, promising that it's all he's got. Luke grumps off. "His eyes," mfTL says. "Red. Like the fires of Mordor." (Geeky website alert.) Lane tells mfTL to leave and keep low. She checks on Kirk, who is loving his "blackened Cajun bread." It's burnt toast, and he's using the flecks of black crumbs to flavor his runny eggs, which goes great with the "fishy-tasting bacon." Luke throws more food around. Lane notes that his oven door isn't attached to the oven anymore. Luke tells her it fell off when he kicked it. Lane doesn't want to serve a plate of some kind of hash instead of a side of hash browns. She adds that the customers are all going to eat at Weston's after Luke tosses them out. Weston's must be so happy for the extra cash, but poor Lane and her tips. Luke pretty much ejects the rest of his diner, banishing them to the land of ceramic cow creamers and kitty-cat salt and pepper shakers. Actually, one couple stays, like, "Screw Weston's, man. I hate knick-knacks." Lane hands Kirk the plate of mystery meat. "Terrif!" Kirk smiles.
Dragonfly. Lorelai's on hold when Sookie enters, asking about the reservations over the two to three months. She's trying to set up the menus for while she's on maternity leave. Amazing that she won't just keep cooking from home. Lorelai's on the phone with her insurance company, asking why her premiums were raised "yet again." She says she only had a couple of snow-related small claims. (Were they from people falling on the wet floor? Because those may be some serious spinal injuries.) Lorelai's put on hold again. She explains to Sookie that the "charmers" at their insurance agency get mad when you try to claim something. I think that's what happens with all insurance companies. They like taking money, not spending it. Lorelai's phone call gets disconnected, just like she was on hold with Adelphia Cable Company. Emily calls. "Lorelai! It's your mother. I--" Click! Lorelai goes back to her conversation with Sookie. Emily calls again. Lorelai hangs up. Kudos to the editor on that one. Emily's cut off at the funniest part of her syllable. Lorelai asks Sookie who will be Sookie 2.0 while Original Sookie is gone. Some lady named Chantal is in the lead. She had once gotten her "face caught in the mixer," but now that she's got her "new nostril," apparently she's just peachy. Richard calls this time. Lorelai doesn't mind speaking to her father. She asks Richard about his trip and his flight home. But when Richard puts Emily on the phone, Lorelai hangs up immediately. I appreciate how she waits until Emily says her daughter's name.
Lorelai asks Sookie if she can have some leftovers to eat for dinner tonight when she's home alone watching all three A Star Is Borns: "I thought I'd hunker down with some fabulous food and watch all the men who got away." Sookie thinks this is a terrible idea, hurling Lorelai closer to her spinster status. Lorelai brags that she still has her original nostril. Sookie says Lorelai can't become "Couch Potato Girl," the one who sits home night after night, ordering Chinese food, watching old movies. Mmm, that could be fun. If I could ever catch up on all the TiVo I still have to watch. Tonight I might find out if there's someone else living on that island. Lorelai points out that she's been Couch Potato Girl for the past twenty years and nobody's been concerned about her. Sookie says the difference is that "now it's pathetic." Hey, thanks, best friend. How's your whole avoiding-motherhood thing going? Sookie decides they need to have a Girls' Night Out immediately, where they paint the town: "Big fun. Big excitement. Big hair!" She tells Lorelai to look hot by 7:30 when Sookie comes to pick her up tonight. Lorelai doesn't argue. Lorelai: "But remember, I don't put out unless I get dinner." Sookie: "I know; I saw your bumper sticker." Ha.
The following scene was made entirely from your forum suggestions. Rory goes to her Yale kiosk and orders a caramel macchiato with an extra shot and whipped cream. Mmm. When the bill comes to close to $5, she asks the barista to knock off the extra shot. When that's still not enough to match the change in her hand, Rory asks to make it a small minus the whipped cream. The small makes it just over three dollars, but the whipped cream saves her nothing but calories. Rory orders a small, black coffee. Time for Rory to invest in a coffee maker for her room. Rory drops her change and says, "D'oh!" I've gotta say, it does feel pretty good to watch Rory pick her pennies out of the gutter. Logan comes to the rescue, of course: "This would definitely qualify as a cute meet if we hadn't met already." Ha. I honestly thought "meet cute" was a term only used in this town, so I got a kick out of Logan dropping it. Logan pays for Rory's coffee. Rory thanks him. They walk, discussing Doyle and how he never leaves the office. Logan pulls Rory away to a corner and kisses her. "People will see," Rory frets. At least she's getting a bit better about kissing someone. Maybe she and Milo had a fight that week. I'm guessing, however, that it's all her exposure to this crew. Logan tells Rory he's done with his midterms, and was just around to drop off his Ethics paper. Logan has a tight grip on Rory's jacket sleeve. Rory flirts that she'd really like to read his Ethics paper. Logan calls her mind a mysterious place. Rory says she'd really like to know if Logan's for ethics, or against it. Hee. Logan says he can't trust Rory with his paper -- which he actually wrote -- having just seen her drop coins in a gutter. He reminds her of Hemingway, saying he trusted "that wife of his" with his only copy of the novel he was working on. "The silly woman lost it." Rory says that's not true, and that the story goes that Hemingway left it on a plane: "His wife had nothing to do with it." Rory bets Logan all the money in her purse and a million dollars that she's right. Logan says his spelling stinks. They kiss again. Logan promises to call Rory from his ski cabin. Rory thanks him again. Logan heads out, telling Rory she'd better have the million bucks ready when he gets back, adding, "And I don't accept coins." They really have better chemistry than she's had with any of her other boyfriends, even though I don't trust Logan any more than I trusted Digger.
Lorelai is pouring coffee in her kitchen when Rory shows up, cursing her heavy bags of laundry. When she asks her mother for a hand, Lorelai breaks into applause. Rory says that while Bob Hope is laughing in Heaven, Rory isn't. Lorelai is shocked that Bob Hope got into Heaven. I wish I had laundry bags like Rory's when I was in college...and after college...and until just a couple of years ago, actually. I used trash bags, which is what happens when you live in a city that doesn't have a Target. Rory is upset to find that Lorelai is already using the washing machine, which means that Rory won't get all of her clothes washed before she has to go back to Yale. Just staying the night, Rory? I thought you were coming home for Spring Break? She says the very fact that she's a college student coming home for Spring Break means she should have dibs on the washing machine the entire week. Lorelai says there's no such thing as implied dibs, and that if you don't call it, you don't get it. Turns out Lorelai is washing a single pair of socks, which is just cruel. Why can't Rory throw her clothes on top of the dancing Santa socks? Lorelai promises to do two of Rory's loads while Rory's at Emily's. Lorelai gives Rory a twenty-dollar bill. She's figured out, between the laundry and the cell phone, that Rory must be hurting for cash. It might be because she's jobless and spending money like she's already betrothed to a Huntzberger. Rory says there are "no good jobs at Yale now," even though she'd take anything (Hey, Rory, I found a way you could get out of Friday night dinners forever. Check this out). Lorelai asked around Stars Hollow and found a few jobs for Rory already: "The radio station need someone to drive up the hill a couple times a day and shoo the cows away from the transmitter." Rory, already revising the word "anything," says she's not good with livestock. She also turns her nose up at a job holding a Slow Down sign for a construction crew, even when she finds out she'd get to wear a helmet. ["Which is crazy, because road jobs are union jobs and you get paid sweet cash just to stand there." -- Wing Chun] But, of course, there's a Rory-fied job ready for her: helping Andrew do inventory at the bookstore. Rory thanks her mom and asks to borrow clothes to Emily's, since she's down to her "Give Bush a Wedgie" t-shirt. As much as Lorelai begs her to wear that shirt to Emily's, Rory insists on changing into something fancy, no matter how much money Lorelai offers.
Emily's. Rory is cold toward her grandmother. Emily throws her arms around Rory and tells her how much they missed her. Rory hands her coat to Eliza, the current maid. Emily calls Rory's outfit "interesting." It's a very pretty dress underneath a strange, sparkly bolero jacket. Rory explains that it's laundry day. Emily: "'Laundry day.' Everything young people do sounds like fun." Totally. Try this one on, Emily: keg stand.
In the living room, Emily tells Rory how she and Richard have so much to tell her, but that the pictures will have to wait until week when they finally figure out how to work their digital camera. Emily tries to get Rory to discuss Athens with her -- some archeological museum that made Emily think of Rory the entire time she was there. When Richard runs down the stairs, Rory completely changes her mood. She hugs Richard, gushes over him, asks him questions. She's so happy to see this guy, confident that he has nothing to do with the woman he's been married to for such a long time. Emily isn't pleased with the way Rory's acting. Richard hands Rory a gift -- it's Leaves of Grass in Greek, over a hundred years old. Rory thanks Richard and only after he insists does she give a curt "Thank you, Gramma." Dinner's ready, so Emily tells Rory to look at her gift later. As Richard and Rory head to the dining room, deep in a conversation about Greece, Emily stares, open-mouthed, scheming.
La-la-Lorelai. La-la-walks-over- to-Sookie's-minivan. La-la-la-I-really-like-her-top. Lorelai brags to Sookie about how hot she is tonight. Lorelai asks what town they're going to paint tonight. Sookie tells Lorelai to decide, since she's the one having the special night. Lorelai wants to go dancing. Sookie says it'll be big fun to watch Lorelai dance. She can't, you see, because of the baby that'll shimmy out from between her legs if she attempts anything more strenuous than a Cosby dance. Hey, where is everybody getting those circle necklaces like the one Ephram gave Amy? Is it from that place AB Chao found? I like it. I want one. I'm Stac(e)y. Lorelai doesn't want to dance alone, so she suggests that they go out to a bar, hang out and talk. Well, that'd be great, if Sookie could drink, and if looking at other people drinking and having fun didn't bum her out. In fact, Sookie's been having dreams lately about a magical piña colada, with whipped cream and a talking pink umbrella. Funny: AB Chao has those dreams, too. Only they aren't dreams. Sookie (I accidentally just typed "Dookie," and that's funny because I'm seven) can't go for a movie either, because her bladder only lasts about five seconds. All of which means they're going to be staying at Lorelai's watching all three A Star Is Borns, which was the plan in the first place. Lorelai swears that hanging out with Sookie is exciting, and that, with pepperoni and extra cheese, it'll be amazing. Sookie admits that she's getting a little hungry. "Well, sure, all this partying'll do that to you," Lorelai says. They agree to watch the Streisand one first, and head back into the house. Strummy-strummy-best-friends. Strummy-strummy-have fun. Strummy-strummy-Lorelai-was-nice- to-Sookie-for-a-change.
Awkward Friday Night Dinner. Emily asks Rory where all her "Yale friends" are going to be for Spring Break. Rory: "Uh, here and there." Emily tries to get Rory to talk about Paris. Rory doesn't bite. Rory tells Emily that the strawberry shortcake is fine. Emily and Richard complain that California can't handle a little rain, and how it ruined the strawberries this season. I don't think they understand how much rain. Emily asks Rory to pass the strawberries. Rory practically flings the bowl in Emily's direction; a move that looks very much like one Lorelai would make, and a move that would have gotten me grounded with a spanking, even at Rory's age. Emily mouths for Richard to do something, and it's here (because I'm wearing headphones) that I want to point out the classical music that always plays in the background when they're at Richard and Emily's, no matter what scene or time of day. I like that touch. I don't know if we hear it when we're in Richard's office, or Emily's bedroom, but the dinner scenes are always underscored with this patient, quiet hum of piano, which sets the mood nicely. It's like here, at this coffee shop, which is always playing weird beepy-emo whenever I come here to recap. So now I associate the feeling like I'm behind in my musical tastes with recapping. Rory's bolero jacket appears to be made out of folded aluminum foil, or some kind of tinsel and barbed wire. Richard asks Rory if everything's all right this evening. Rory says she's fine. Emily motions for him to probe further. He does. Rory swears that she's fine, and that there's nothing on her mind. She asks him to talk more about his trip, specifically about the archeological museum.
Emily throws down her fork and declares that to be it. She wants to know why Rory's having a silent temper tantrum tonight, gushing all over her grandfather, but giving Emily the cold shoulder: "What is wrong with you?!" Rory is snotty in her responses, including informing Emily of the name of her own maid. Emily is upset that Rory will compliment and chat with everyone in the house but Emily herself: "This isn't you, this attitude of yours. This is your mother." Rory says she knows Emily's memory can't be this short. Emily tells Rory to walk out of the house and come in again, starting over. Richard tries to play mediator, but it's no good. Emily tells Rory that they have a contract. Every week, Rory comes to dinner because they are paying for Yale. Rory stands up and yells at Emily: "I mean, what did you expect? Ten Acropolis postcards and I would forget the fact that you broke up Mom and Luke? Now, I respect our contract, and I will continue to come every Friday night and eat dinner with you. But I won't guarantee an attitude that will please you. Excuse me." Emily doesn't excuse Rory. Rory totally doesn't care. She will "skip the Port," as she says. Richard: "Rory!" Rory tells Richard good night and that she'll see him in a week. Rory leaves. Richard and Emily are speechless.
Weston's. Lorelai and Sookie are having a late-night cup of coffee. Lorelai says that this is perfect. Sookie knows it's not a nightclub, but it's still a place Lorelai never goes: "Different and exciting." Lorelai: "And chocolatey." Frankie the busboy walks by and says hello to Lorelai: "Twice in one day, huh?" Lorelai says she's got to have some pie. She tells Sookie she hasn't memorized the menu yet, but that she does have to go somewhere for someone to make all of her meals and provide all of her coffee. Sookie's bummed that she took Lorelai to a place she always goes, like her couch. Lorelai says thatshe had a great time tonight, and that she won't become a couch potato spinster woman. Sookie says the minute "This" -- a vague, floaty, hand motion toward her stomach -- comes out, she'll be back to party monster status with her Be Fri. Lorelai notes that Sookie might be busy with her newborn, and that son who allegedly lives in Stars Hollow.
Rory joins Lorelai and Sookie. Lorelai asks Rory how she knew they'd be there. "What do you mean?" Rory asks. "You're always here." Sookie immediately hits an exhaustion wall, done with her babysitting duties. Rory eats pie and recaps the fight she had with Emily. Sookie has fallen asleep sitting up, face in her hand.
Lorelai and Rory move to a nearby table to let Sookie get some rest. Rory tells her mother that since things didn't go with Dean the way she planned, she wanted to make sure she talked to Lorelai this time because of Logan, and how it won't be messed up or weird this time because she can talk to Lorelai now, even when it's weird, and she wants to go back to how it was before Dean, because with Logan it's starting. That's pretty much the sentence Rory delivers to her mom. Rory says Logan's great, really beautiful, smarter than she is, and great. And they have a lot in common, like the paper and Yale. Books. And even though he's rich -- which Lorelai says isn't a problem -- he treats her well and she's having fun. Lorelai says she should probably meet him again with everything buttoned and zipped. Rory says she wanted her mom to know. Lorelai looks a little shell-shocked at the image of her daughter having sex. She goes, "O...Kay. So....Good talk." Heh. That's how my dad wrapped up the sex talk we had so many years ago, the one that kept my legs crossed until I was Rory's age. Lorelai exhales and says she feels like she should buy Rory a shot. They settle for two rum balls. (Dirty!)
Walking down a sunny street, coffee in hand, Lorelai gets a cell-phone call from Richard. He tells he she could adopt a more serious tone, so she says hello to him like Katharine Hepburn, but she calls that her "British" accent. Richard tells Lorelai that Rory was "incredibly rude and insensitive" to Emily the night. He says that Rory's behavior was inexcusable, and he wants to know what Lorelai is going to do about it. He tells Lorelai to she needs to set an example, and that there's no excuse for a girl to yell at her grandmother at the dinner table. Lorelai calls Rory an adult and says Lorelai herself tried to set an example by not going at all. She adds that it's none of her business. Richard says it is her business, since it's Lorelai's battle Rory's fighting. Lorelai says she doesn't have a battle: "This is Rory's thing, okay? She was mad. She was upset." She tells Richard that Rory loves Luke and was mad that he got hurt. Lorelai says she's not interested in hearing Emily's reasons. All that matters is they've broken up now because of what Emily did, and Lorelai knows they don't care, but that she's hurt and extremely upset. She says she can stay away and not come to dinner, but that because of Rory's deal, Rory had to be there. She says she feels that Rory has every right to be upset, and that Richard and Emily are going to have to work this out with her. Richard asks whether this means Lorelai will never visit the house again, and will just send Rory. Lorelai says she doesn't know, but probably that will be so, even on holidays. She tells him that he can see her whenever he wants, since she has no beef with him. "I see," Richard says, thinking it all over. Lorelai asks Richard a question while she's gotten him calm and listening. She tells him about the increase in her insurance premiums. Richard is, at first, confused that Lorelai wants to talk business at a time like this, but tells her to continue.
Lorelai has to call Richard back because there's someone putting a parking ticket on Luke's boat. Lorelai stammers a long lie about how the boat is supposed to be auctioned off for charity, but that there's been a problem and so there's a boat still here right now. Blame the kitten in the tree. The officer tells Lorelai to move the boat on street-cleaning days. Wow, Stars Hollow is really growing up as a town. La-la-LA-la-sad boat stare. Interesting that Lorelai would protect that boat. You'd think she'd want that thing with a big ol' orange boot on the wheel, just to remind Luke how mean it was to park it in the street like that. Also, I can't believe Taylor wasn't renting out a space to Luke in the alley or something, for the small fee of building a door between the diner and the ice creame shoppe.
La-la-Luke's. No-glasses Lane offers Kirk some ketchup for his burnt food, but Kirk's enjoying the charred taste of his meat without having any condiments competing with the flavor. Lane: "I think that's a pancake." Kirk: "Fascinating." Hee. Lane asks Luke about the status of her burger and fries. Luke gives her such a grumpy answer involving kumquats that she goes to find out on her own. Kirk asks Luke for a napkin. Luke flings his counter towel in Kirk's face. Kirk's pleased: "A cloth napkin and a moist towelette all in one!" When will we meet Kirk's mother? Why hasn't this happened yet? Lane heads out to do a delivery, but runs into a customer who asks if he can sit anywhere. Lane quietly tells him she'll be back in fifteen minutes, and then she'll serve him. The customer doesn't want to wait. Lane knows it's his funeral.
Lane walks down the street as we all count to six. Boom! The customer is flung out the front door at Luke's. He hits the cement hard -- first on his knees and then his face. It really looks painful. Lawsuit! Luke's going to need Richard's insurance advice soon, too.
Bookstore. Lane brings a cheeseburger and fries into new, clean, pristine books. Rory's happy to have the food, which I assume she's not paying for because she's working at Andrew's so that she can eventually afford a burger and fries again. I'd really like a burger and fries. This episode was good; it always makes for a boring recap. Rory's inventory is taking a bit longer than it probably should, since she has a third pile of books that are the ones she now has to buy. "This job must be costing you a fortune," Lane notes. Rory calls the cheeseburger disgusting. Lane apologizes for not warning Rory about Luke's cooking these days. She says he's off his game, burning everything. He's in "a mood." He mopes, growls, stomps, and throws customers out the door. She says it's due to Lorelai. "Poor, sad Luke," Rory says. "Poor, sad tips," Lane correctly notes. Rory leaves to go get some food at anyplace but Luke's. Lane can't leave with her because, unlike Rory, when she has a job she actually has to be there for because that's how she makes money. Unlike this empty, customer-less bookstore Rory's currently watching all alone. Rory asks Lane if she wants to do something tonight. Lane says she can't because mfTL is planning a deflowering. I mean, "bringing her flowers." I mean, "cooking her dinner." Lane says that having a great guy like mfTL is like "having a perfect haircut every day." Okay. Rory thanks Lane for the concept of lunch. Lane runs off to her job; Rory ditches hers, adding another stack to her book pile. "This job was a great idea," she says, heading out the door with her keys. I have that job. It's called "living in my house without enough bookcases."
Lorelai walks into the kitchen at the Dragonfly . Sookie's very excited about August 14. It's when Jackson's sister Colleen -- "Not the drunk one" -- will take the kids for the weekend, since they'll be old enough to be considered "kids" and Sookie will be able to have the weekend free without guilt. Lorelai wishes Sookie had gotten to her sooner than six months out: "August is my bathing month." Sookie says that September might work, and then realizes Lorelai is kidding. Richard enters the kitchen with his inspector, whom he sends to check on the landing. Richard tells Lorelai they've decided that (with the exception of one too many garden gnomes) the inn is in tip-top shape. He adds that whoever got her to sign her insurance policy was a criminal genius. Lorelai jokes that the name "Shysty McShysterson" should have tipped her off. I'd like to declare the end of Name McName jokes. Years. We've been doing them for years. Can we please give the "O"s or the "Mac"s a shot? Okay, Old-Jokey MacStaleJokemanson? Richard tells Lorelai he can help. He says he'll put a new policy together for her tomorrow. Sookie offers Richard lunch. When he agrees to a cup of coffee, Sookie adds a scone to the order, despite his repeated protests. "My God, this is a bossy place," he says. You should see Rory's dorm room.
Walking through the Dragonfly, Richard tells his daughter she's done a wonderful job with the inn. Richard compliments the rooms, the renovation, the homey feel and the smart choice of having a stable. Richard tells her that large hotel chains are always looking to buy little places like this and take care of the overhead, protecting the management. Oh, they'll buy it, all right, but then they'll fire everyone but Michel. Take it from a girl who's lived in more than one hotel. Lorelai says she's uninterested, but thanks Richard for taking an interest. Is this like when Richard wanted to buy Luke's business? Did that happen? Richard loves the smell of Sookie's scones (Dirty!).
Lane (with glasses) and mfTL are on a date in their living room on the floor. MfTL pours Lane a bit more Pepsi from their two-liter. Now this is college life done accurately. Lane goes on and on, as she should, about how great it is to have mfTL cook her dinner. Note to new daters: it's really important to compliment heavily when your significant other does things like this -- cooks dinner, does the dishes, takes out the trash, does the laundry, makes the bed. Talk about how sexy it is, constantly. Act like it's the most orgasmic thing that's ever happened to you. That's the only way it'll continue happening. It's really worth all the praising. MfTL brags that he made the tomato sauce himself: Ragu with garlic salt, cayenne pepper, and a dash of wasabi. Don't try this at home. Lane says that the sauce made her ears pop. MfTL says he threw the spaghetti against the wall to see if it was done: "Made a shape of Peter Gabriel's big, bloated head." Ha. Lane gets up to go see it. MfTL grabs her arm and asks if she'll go see it "later." You know: "later." Later. I love that there are bunk beds in their living room. MfTL puts the charm on thick, kissing Lane's wrist, talking about how she's the best. They kiss. They kiss some more. MfTL has to add the word "after" to "later" so that Lane gets it: he wants sex. Tonight. Now-ish. Lane runs to the other side of the room, wondering how she should have known he'd want some. How long have they been living together? Do they really still sleep in separate rooms? Poor Brian. MfTL thinks it was pretty clear he was angling for the booty, what with the cooking and the cleaning and the romancing with candles. "I don't know what else I could have done," he whines. Lane says he's right, and that she'd been given many, many clues: "I'm stupid." MfTL says she's not stupid. He was trying to be subtle. He calls himself a bad, bad man. "I pushed you," he says. "I should be arrested." Lane joins him on the wicker...papasan kind of thing, assuring him that he's a good guy: "I should have known." They've been dating four months, they live together, she's twenty, and they are of opposite sexes. Birds. Bees. Etc. MfTL smiles and asks, "What do you think?" Lane immediately answers, robotically: "Oh, well, I have to wait until I get married." This is news to both mfTL and Lane, who didn't expect those words to come out of her own mouth. MfTL says he's not sure he's cool with that; neither is Lane. Lane goes to clean the dishes. "You're not getting any tonight," she says. "The least I could do is clean up." MfTL sits back down, balls of blue, re-evaluating the past two years of his life.
Emily's kitchen. Much to our surprise, Emily does her own flower arrangements. Maybe Lorelai should slip her mother a twenty-dollar bill as well. There are so many flowers on the counter. Also, when do you get rich enough to have all that fresh fruit lying around your house as decoration? When I go to the store, all the oranges have brown spots, or the apples are a little mushy. When I have six lemons, they're six different sizes and don't look cute in a bundle. Is that a talent, or a rich thing? ["Rich thing. Every piece of fruit at Whole Foods is gorgeously perfect, and they each cost $17." -- Wing Chun] Richard thinks Emily shouldn't be as furious as she is. Emily knows that Richard is loving this weird time in their lives, when Rory won't look at her and Lorelai hates her, but both girls are all, "Grampa! Grampa! Rah-rah-rah!" Emily: "You're the favorite and you're loving every single minute of it." Richard says this isn't a popularity contest, but we can see that he's pretty amused by the attention. He calls Emily immature. Emily says she doesn't understand why he won't stand by her on this Luke issue. Richard screams, "Why haven't we gotten stools in here?" It's hilarious, and such an actor-y frustration, to have to stand there, upstaged by a kitchen island full of cut flowers, trying to have a huge scene when you can't move from your mark. Emily says she had to act on what was happening with Lorelai, that she had to step in and do something about Luke. Richard agrees that she acted, but that it backfired: "It was a noble effort, but if failed." He says they have to deal with Lorelai's feelings right now, "no matter how misguided." That's the great thing about Richard's character: you think he's a great guy, but he's really got a dark side you don't want to ever meet. This is just like when he connived to make Luke start a restaurant chain. Richard says that Lorelai will deal with him, so at least one of them has contact with her. With time, they might get her back to coming to dinner and this can all blow over. But if they let her cut them off, she'll never come back: "Don't you agree?" Emily lowers her head. Richard kisses her forehead and tells her not to worry: "I have everything under control." "Of course you do," Emily says once Richard has left the room. She snots, "'Cuz you're the favorite."
Rory's job. Lane is on the ground, practically weeping into her arm: "I can't believe it! I just can't believe it!" Rory's still taking inventory while trying to soothe her friend. "It's okay," she says. Lane recounts all the ways she's rebelled against her mother's morals and ideals over the years, from makeup and spicy condiments to living with boys. But this? No sex before marriage? "Why couldn't the gluten-free thing stick? I could have lived with that." Lane says that Rory should have seen mfTL's face. Rory can imagine it's just like the face he'd make when he found out he wasn't going to have sex with Lane until their wedding night. Lane says that's exactly what his face looked like. Rory says a lot of people wait until their wedding night to have sex. Lane doesn't want to be Jessica Simpson or Donna from . ["Which, bad fact-checking; Donna did eventually give it up before she got married." -- Wing Chun] ["Does a massive number of blowjobs count? Because then I suppose Jessica's out, too." -- Pamie] Lane wonders what'll happen if she never gets married and therefore never has sex. Rory assures her that she'll have sex one day. Lane says that's easy for Rory to say: "You've already had sex with two different guys all within a one-year period." Rory: "Okay, you're making me sound a little slutty." Lane says that Rory might as well be slutty, since she has no moral-preaching mother standing in the way of her skankiness. Rory: "Oh, well. When you put it that way." Lorelai did sleep with Digger and Luke in a one-month period, I think, so Rory is learning it from somewhere. Lane asks if sex is great. Rory scolds, "Not in front of the books, Lane." Lane says she knows it's great, and that she'll never experience it because nobody will ever marry her if he has to wait until they get married to have sex. Rory is unfazed, thinking about how great her sex life is, as Lane leaves to get trash bags for the diner. I bet Rory doesn't like sex all that much. I'm just sayin'.
Outside the bookstore, Lane runs into MamaLane, who is passing out pamphlets. Lane shouts, "You're in my head! Are you happy? You are in my head!" MamaLane is confused, but secretly satisfied that her daughter is still living by her teachings. Must be all the soy. Good for the brainwashing.
Rory's job is sweet, dude. She just stands around and reads books? Sign me up. Rory calls Logan to tell him that they were both wrong: Hemingway's manuscript was stolen in a suitcase. Rory says they're both dumb. Logan agrees. His outdoor trip has turned weird, now that Finn's going through a naked thing. Logan says that the cabin suddenly seemed small and got boring, so he cut his skiing trip short and went back to Yale. He says he has the whole place to himself, with the rest of the student body gone for break. He says it's really nice, all the privacy, and that it's too bad Rory's not there, because she'd probably like it. In the background, there's this girl all like, "I didn't have anywhere to go either, cute boy." Logan suggests that Rory cut her Spring Break short so she could spend some time with him alone at Yale. Count the seconds before Rory quits her job and leaves skid marks out of Lorelai's laundry room. I'm not blaming her; it's what you're supposed to do when you've got a new boyfriend and it's Spring Break and you're in that first month of new sex. I just think it's funny that she bothered trying to have a job at all. Silly Rory; you know you're gonna let your boyfriend pay for everything. That's why you dumped Dean's broke ass, isn't it?
Lorelai tells Rory for the fiftieth time that she doesn't mind Rory high-tailing it back to Yale. She's on the couch with her takeout and spinster movies, and she doesn't really want to talk about how Rory's driving to get some sex. Rory says they can do it weekend. Lorelai says she'll be busy knitting toilet-paper cozies from her spinster catalog until 3, but then she's free. Rory says she'll see her at Weston's Friday night. Rory asks if Lorelai's sure she's not mad. Lorelai says Rory will never truly know until she reads the memoir. Ha. Lorelai gives Rory a couple of rolls of quarters so she always has free underwear. She then covers the books Rory bought at the bookstore with her fake job. Rory protests for about three seconds. "You're my only daughter." Lorelai says. "That I know of." I love that joke; I use it all the time. I mean, with the daughters I don't have. That I know of. See? Rory thanks her mom. Lorelai tries to talk about Logan, but Rory's evasive and coy about it, running out of there to go have sex. Lorelai curls up with the Judy A Star Is Born.
Luke's. Kirk's eating at the counter. He shouts between smacks, "Oh, my God! I love this stuff that I think is meatloaf!" Luke gives him a glare. Kirk apologizes. Emily enters the diner (that's something you don't see every day). She says hello, says she'd like to have a word with Luke, and sits to Kirk, waiting for Luke not to be so busy. She looks through the menu and compliments the selection. She asks what "Mud Pie" is. Kirk explains in detail what goes into a mud pie, including the Gummi worms you can get Luke to toss in every once in a while. This week he'll even put real mud into it, I'll bet. Luke pours Kirk some coffee, even while Kirk explains he can't drink the stuff because it makes his lungs hurt. Emily asks Kirk if he'd mind excusing them. Kirk takes his plate and walks out of the diner. Emily tells Luke that she and Lorelai aren't speaking. Lorelai wants nothing to do with her: "I'm sure you know that Lorelai and I have had many battles. Most of them have been because I feel I know what's best for her." But Lorelai insists on thinking she knows what's best for herself: "She wants you, Luke. She's made her choice, God help her, but there it is." She tells Luke he's won: "Go back to her. I promise I will stay out of it." Warms the cockles of your heart, doesn't it? Emily walks to the door, where Kirk is pressed against the glass, looking in. "You're going to have to clean that window," she informs Luke as she leaves. Luke stares after her, bracing himself against the counter, wondering -- I assume -- if Lorelai is worth this insanity.
Lorelai's. Judy sings. "The night is bitter. The stars have lost their glitter. The winds grow colder. Suddenly you're older. And all because of the man that got away!" There's a banging on Lorelai's door. She gets up and walks over as Judy sings. Lorelai opens the door. It's Luke. There's a beat where they stare at each other. Then Luke steps into the house, wraps his arms around Lorelai, turns her to the side, and kisses her. They kiss as Lorelai slides her arm around his waist. Eventually she shuts the door because...well, the neighbors don't need to know everything.