Who's cooler than M. Giant? Nobody. He recapped with a newborn in his arms. I had no excuse to skip a recap, when compared to that. I'm terrified to take another week off. Who will they give the recap to ? Sars while she's in the dentist chair? Sara M while she's driving a car full of her family members? Stee at his bachelor party? Hmm. On second thought, I might have to skip week's recap. Wing, you'd better set Stee up with some kind of recap webcam.
Let me paint for you the picture of me recapping tonight, because I want your fullest sympathy. I'm alone. It's a Saturday night. I have a bottle of wine and a bowl of popcorn, and I'm not afraid to use them. Due to the insanity known as my life, which is currently filled with such joyous occasions as new homeownership, planning a wedding, turning in a manuscript, pitching a movie, writing a screenplay, and recapping the seven hundredth season of Gilmore Girls, there are times when the only spare time I have is the time I'm supposed to be either sleeping or drinking heavily to pretend I'm not three things behind on my to-do list. There are about twenty people coming over tomorrow. I must turn this in before they get here, and then talk to myself for about an hour, preparing for a meeting on Monday where I will be performing a song and dance for Warner Brothers. You don't have to care about my schedule; I just want you to know that when I have no time for Rory's pouting, it's because homegirl's infringing on my personal time. So, I'll start the recap, since it's the only way I can finish the recap, which is my big to-do checkbox for tonight. Saturday-night recapping. I have hit a new low.
Previously: Luke plus Lorelai. Lane plus Zack. Richard minus Emily. Rory is less than or equal to Dean. Tristan x Jess = Logan. Rory(Deadlines) - Downloading Music = Lame Subplot That Will Become a Tedious Part of Tonight's Episode. Pam + 4 (Years of High School Latin) = Agricolae sunt in via. Call me Nuwanda, but if Logan's a huge legacy at Yale, and Richard's also a big Yalie, shouldn't Rory already know about this "super-secret society"? I mean, I didn't go to Harvard, yet I know a couple of certain somebodies who are part of their "super-secret society."
Emily's. New maid. Lorelai is late, wearing a dress that makes me shake my head in disapproval (and I'm alone, just to reiterate), already in mid-excuse. It seems as though not everyone who has a "Honk if you love..." bumper sticker actually enjoys being honked at. So while M. Giant was recapping with M. Tiny by his side, at that exact same moment, I was walking in New York City, somewhere in the East Village or...Little Italy...HoJo?...NoGo?...IDo'No? Anyway, I was walking somewhere in Manhattan, and as my friend (who I keep referencing here because he's Michel without the accent) was talking, I noticed a woman walking toward me who looked familiar. I thought, "Did I go to high school with her? College? Man, she looks familiar. But she doesn't seem to think I look familiar, and she's talking to someone, so I'll just stand here and listen to my friend." So the pretty lady walks past, all pretty and really quite skinny, and after she passes, my other friend grabs my arm and goes, "That was her, right? That was her?" And I'm all, "Who?" because I can't wait to find out which old friend I'm going to have a reunion with in Times Square or Union Square or Chinatown Square or I-really-need-to-buy-a-map. And he gives me this look, this look of such disappointment, and says, "Isn't it your job to know when Lauren Graham walks right past you?" I'm awesome! And since I'm now resigned to the fact that I'm going to be here all night, just me and you guys who I'll never meet, I might as well turn this recap into a drinking game. Now, I have only done this once before, and it met with serious consequences, but I'm older now, and perhaps wiser. Because I have to keep typing, I should make a very shorthanded version of this drinking game. Okay: for every outfit Lorelai wears, I will take one drink. For every time Rory tucks her hair back, I will take one drink. For every time mfTL says "Dude," I will take one drink. And finally, for every strummy-strummy-la-la, I will take a drink. I'm hoping I will make it through this episode semi-sober, at least enough to turn in the recap. That would be embarrassing. Here goes.
Okay, Emily's. Lorelai's going on about the bumper sticker. I take my first drink for the really ugly heart dress. In the sitting room, Lorelai continues her bumper-sticker obsession, coming up with an idea for a reality show where people who have those "Honk" bumper stickers have to do whatever their stickers says, and then eat bugs. What do you do if you have a "Honk if you're horny" bumper sticker? Emily tells Lorelai she heard there's a boyfriend. Lorelai immediately assumes that Rory's the rat, but in fact, Kirk told Emily. I like how Emily has three drinks to her side: a glass of milk, a martini, and some kind of large cola-type drink. It's like she's playing along with me. There's a long story about how Emily ended up on the phone with Kirk, but it's not worth transcribing. Emily wants to know why Lorelai was hiding her relationship with Luke. Lorelai says she's not hiding her relationship, and that the only reason she reacted so strongly upon hearing that Emily had spoken to Kirk is that Kirk belongs in a world that has nothing to do with Emily: "It's as if I out of the blue told you I was having tea with Mrs. Von Uppity." Emily: "Who?" Lorelai: "Hortense Von Uppity? Tight bun? Lace collar? Tiny poodle? Fictional friend?" Emily tells Lorelai to start merging her worlds together and share some details. She wants to re-meet, in their current capacity. Emily sets a date for week to meet Lorelai's "gentleman caller." She says she doesn't want to meet an insignificant passing ship. Lorelai tells her mother that Luke isn't insignificant. Did Emily even meet Max? Rory: "Honk if Emily Gilmore views your mind as her personal playground." Lorelai: "Honk, honk."
Doyle, who I didn't exactly miss, is freaking out about the newspaper's accuracy while he downs some pills. Rory -- whose hair is growing at the same rate as mine and who is thus giving me some good pointers in this episode -- asks Doyle how he's doing. Doyle says that Charles Kuralt ate aspirin like candy, but that he "also ate candy like candy, thus the belly like Jell-O." He then regrets the swipe, since the man is dead. Rory tells Doyle she's got a contact in the Life & Death Brigade. Rory says that her contact will remain anonymous, but that she's going to tell this story from the inside. Doyle and Rory congratulate themselves for running around the newsroom discussing an anonymous source in a very All the President's Men sort of way.
Luke's. Lane serves and order and then runs out of the diner to talk to mfTL. She asks why he's acting "all squirrelly." He tells her, "I'm ready now. To date." He asks if the offer's still good. It is. He says they should pick a time. "How 'bout now?" Lane says she's kind of working. Tonight they both have band practice. They agree to figure it out. "See you at home." MfTL almost runs into a passing car. He's running with his hands in his pockets, which always makes for a silly run.
Back in the diner, Lorelai's in a new outfit, so I’m drinking. She asks Lane how it's going. Lane says it's going "very good [sic]." Lorelai rolls her eyes and is all, "Oh, well. Lucky you." She pouts over to the counter and plops onto a stool, asking Luke how dark the clouds above her head are. Lorelai breaks it to Luke that they have to have dinner with Emily. Luke doesn't see the catastrophe, but Lorelai likens the words "mother, dinner, us" to "car, test, crash test dummy." She says she'll try to get them out of it. Luke thinks they should just do it, and that meeting the parents is something they'll have to do eventually. Lorelai brags that her fourth-grade teacher once wanted to meet with her parents, and now that she was hit by a bus six months ago, that's one less person her parents will ever have to meet. Luke tells her to book the date. Lorelai tells him he can't back out of this thing once it's set, no matter what. Luke is confident that he will make the date. Lorelai tries to pull out her cell phone, but it's suddenly made of lead, and of evil and dark forces. Luke tells her to make the call. Lorelai takes us way back to 1999 by whimpering, "I see dead people." Yeah, baby! Does this recap make you horny, baby? Schwing!
Time jump! Who knows what day it is. Who cares? Luke and Lorelai are now at Emily's front door. Hold on, I've got to take another drink for Lorelai's new outfit as Luke marvels over Emily's house. He calls it a waste, and claims it's the reason that peasants revolt and heads end up on pikes. "Open with that," Lorelai says. "That's a great icebreaker." Hee. Lorelai appears to be talking to me when she warns Luke about his consumption of booze tonight. Luke says he won't drink too much, but Lorelai says he should do just the opposite: "Ride the pink elephant, baby." She says that'll be his only defense against Emily unless he's packing a Kalashnikov. Lorelai picks up a metal rod -- of the kind we have in front of our house, but ours is to turn on the sprinkler system, which couldn't possibly be why Emily has one -- and uses it to draw in a plant pot the game plan to hit the booze as quickly as possible. She tells him to take off his coat and roll it into a ball so it's ready to be handed off to the maid as quickly as possible.
The door is opened by another new maid. Luke takes the sprinkler rod, which I'm now convinced it is, and that's just weird. I'm sure Emily doesn't have to water her lawn with seven different spouts like we do. Luke introduces himself to the maid. She introduces herself back as "a maid." Emily saunters in as if she's already had a go-round on the pink elephant, calling Luke their "honored guest." Emily tells Luke to call her "Emily." Lorelai asks for drinks. "We're in the foyer," Emily says. Emily says that Luke might want a tour. Lorelai says all of the rooms in the house out loud as his tour. Luke tells Emily that her house is beautiful. Emily says they don't make them like this anymore: "They make them out of cardboard now. White boxes with heating vents." Hey! Lorelai says, "Gin!" Emily asks if Lorelai has Tourette's, in a rather out-of-character question for her to ask. Lorelai says she thought they asked what she wanted to drink. Lorelai asks for a gin martini. Emily says she made a pitcher, but they're vodka. Mmm. That would be so much better than recapping right now. Emily asks Luke if he'd like a beer. She says the word "beer" like some of us say "spam" or "tofu" or, in my case, "Gin." Lorelai says that Luke might want to choose his own drink. Luke says that beer is perfect. Emily carries over a tray of martinis and one big ol' pilsner glass of beer. Why do I know what a pilsner glass is? Because when you've spent hours at Crate&Barrel.com flipping through glassware for your registry, you pick up a few things here and there. Emily says that the beer is "nice and cold" and makes her "almost" want one herself. Luke, before taking the first sip, offers Emily "some" of his. Emily's face is frozen in a forced grin as she changes the subject to Luke's diner. Lorelai tries to get Emily to back off, but Luke doesn't see where the night is headed, so he says the diner's doing great. Emily tells Luke she found the diner to be charming: "Nice and rustic." Lorelai coughs her mother a warning. Emily asks if Lorelai needs a cough drop. Luke says that Lorelai is fine. Emily asks Lorelai where her martini went. Lorelai: "To a happy place?" She says she wants another one like Pavarotti wants another donut. Emily goes to check on dinner as Luke pours Lorelai another martini.
"Unbelievable," Luke grumbles, once they're alone. "I know; she didn't make nearly enough," Lorelai says, referring to the pitcher. "I meant you," Luke says. "You're acting crazy." Lorelai's mouth drops to the floor: "She's insulting you!" Luke says that Emily is being perfectly nice. Lorelai tells him that Emily's been saying awful things about him, including calling his diner "rustic," which means "crap pile." Or how "charming" means "doggie poopie." Luke says "unbelievable" again. Lorelai can't believe her mother gave Luke beer, which is backhand slang for "nitwit juice." Luke tells Lorelai she's reading way too much into this, but Lorelai says he should defer to the Gilmore expert in the room. Luke asks her to calm down, since she's making him nervous. Luke says he's a grown man, and that this isn't his first foray into the big city. (You mean "foyer," Luke. It's where they keep the panic room? Luke says that for Lorelai to make constant comments after everything Emily says makes Luke appear weak, and that he doesn't want to be weak. So in other words, shut your mouth, woman. Luke doesn't need your help. Let him suffer his own cocky consequences.
Emily returns, promising that dinner will be as good as it smells. She tells Luke that it's nice to have a gentleman in the house. "So?" she starts in. "You're recently divorced?" Lorelai stays quiet and smiles into her martini, happy to watch Luke squirm this one out. He says it's not really all that recent. Emily says that if it was in the last year, that's pretty recent. Emily comments that the divorce rate is just terrible these days: "Sure it was inevitable in your case." People in glass poolhouses shouldn't throw stones. Emily says that people get married for fun these days: "Apparently there's nothing good on T.V." Luke catches a glance to Lorelai, who smiles back quietly.
Yale. Rory checks her messages, flipping back her hair (one drink). It's Dean, breaking a date because he has to work more jobs than Kirk. Rory finds a note outside her window as Dean says the word "window." Rory has some really dorky wall art. The note reads: "Be in your vestibule at four tomorrow. Blindfolded. The LDB." As Dean's message comes to a close (I wasn't listening to it either), Rory finds a blindfold in the envelope.
Emily's. The woman is on a roll, discussing how filthy diners can be, and how some even serve roadkill. She's sure that Luke wouldn't participate in such filthy practices, but you know, she just can't leave it alone. Luke is now sufficiently beaten down and is failing at holding his own against Emily, who is now so rude that there's no reason why Luke wouldn't have stormed out of that room by now. Emily: "Would you like another beer, Luke?"
Luke and Lorelai are finally making their escape as Emily calls baseball an "opiate of the masses." Emily follows them out the front and immediately complains that a worker left his filthy truck in the front yard. Luke tells her that it's actually his truck, and Emily mutters some kind of fake compliment: "Rustic." He thanks her. She compliments his coat, telling him that there's something nice about such a "simple cloth." He thanks her again. She tells him not to be a stranger. He thanks her again. Emily goes inside as Luke thanks her again. Once the door closes, Luke marvels that Emily never said anything directly bad about him or the diner: "And all I did was thank her over and over! She'd hammer me, and I'd thank her!" Lorelai says it's a talent. Luke: "'Rustic' really did sound like 'crap pile' that time." Lorelai links an arm around Luke and walks him to the truck, telling him he'll feel better about halfway home. Then he'll get nausea from the memory, and then the rich food will settle and it'll get worse and then better, and then at Route 44 he'll hit bottom. Lorelai says she'll be ready with a tongue depressor for when he tries to swallow his tongue.
It's 4 at Yale, which means nothing for the rest of the world, and Rory is waiting in her dormitory's vestibule, but not exactly in her vestibule, according to definition #2 of the hyperdictionary. I'll bet Rory has never even seen her vestibule. Logan grabs her arm and pulls.
Rory's placed in a car with Finn, Colin, and the blonde gorilla girl. Rory recognizes their voices as they chatter along in their annoying way. Rory puts on her seatbelt, but Logan doesn't. Finn complains about leaving while the sun is still up. He hates the sun: "It's too bright." They're keeping Rory blindfolded so that she doesn't know where they're taking her. She asks why they're not wearing their gorilla masks. "She can see!" says Colin. Rory says she can tell that their voices aren't muffled. "She's sharp," says Gorilla Girl. "Who's the girl?" Rory asks. "I've been told we've met," GG says. "Oh, Gorilla Girl," Rory says. GG: "Oh, wow. Isn't that a pretty nickname?" Logan tells Rory that "this thing" is overnight. Rory says it doesn't mess up her schedule. Logan's impressed with her loose schedule. Finn says that they like their schedules loose, like their women. "Clever," Colin says. "My God, it's early," Finn complains. Are they supposed to be charming? I really can't tell if we're supposed to like them.
Luke's. He gets a phone call from Richard's assistant, who puts him through to Richard, who asks to meet for a round of golf the afternoon. Luke answers, "Well?" That's enough for Richard, who says Margie will call Luke back to set a time. Oh, the strummy-strummy-la-la kicks in and I have to take a drink.
It's dark, and Rory's kidnapping van has pulled into some remote area. That means that Margie works pretty late for Richard. We learn Gorilla Girl's name: Stephanie. She's sent to make sure Finn doesn't run off a cliff, since he's very excited to have reached their destination. Stephanie grabs a lantern and runs off. Logan pulls Rory out of the car. "You okay?" he asks her. "I smell trees," Rory says. Man, she's really good at being an investigator.
Walking through the forest, Rory asks if the firing squad is just ahead. Logan: "Yep, and there's a line. Damn." Rory asks if she has to Patty Hearst it the entire time. Logan tells her that the blindfold is coming off right now. He pulls off the blindfold, and Rory sees that she's been transported into an old-fashioned white tent safari party. What? I don't know what they're called, okay? Rory is much more impressed than I would be. "Oh, my," she says. I'd be all, "You guys got wireless?"
Lorelai, you are going to be the one reason I get drunk tonight, with your hundreds of outfits. She races down the stairs at the Dragonfly, telling Luke over the phone that he cannot go golfing with Richard. Luke says it's a done deal. He's searching through his apartment for an old book of his dad's about golfing the Arnold Palmer way. In my world, that means playing golf while sipping an iced tea and lemonade. Lorelai beseeches Luke not to go golfing with her father. Luke says it's too late, and that he had no choice. Lorelai reminds him that "no" is a choice. This is similar to a conversation my mom and Stee recently had, when Stee asked Mom why she would own a copy of Boat Trip on DVD. "Well," she said, "I like Cuba Gooding Jr. And I hadn't seen the movie before I bought it. I had no way of knowing it was going to be that bad." "You could have read the back," said Stee. Lorelai asks Luke if he learned nothing from his dinner with Emily. "Apparently not," he says. Lorelai suggests that he call up, cancel, and then hang up really quickly. She says he should explain to Richard that when he called, Luke had just dropped some peyote and he was tripping balls and that's why he accidentally said he'd go golfing. Lorelai asks Luke if he even knows how to golf. Luke took a course one summer but accidentally hit Kent Colida in the head with a driver and was asked to leave. Luke says he knows the basics and promises to fake it well.
Lorelai kind of hangs up on Luke and then calls her father. Richard is practicing his putting in the back yard. Lorelai asks him to cancel the golf game. She asks him why he's doing this. Richard asks how it's any of her business. Lorelai says that Luke's her boyfriend. Richard says that this is his right as her father. He's mostly upset that Luke already met Emily at a "secret dinner" he found out about from his valet. Lorelai tells Richard about Kent Colida's head, and asks Richard if he's ready for a similar fate: "You like your head, huh?" Richard says he's golfing with Luke tomorrow. Lorelai -- really unhappy that she's not getting her way anywhere -- tells Richard to have fun. Richard says that this isn't about fun; it's protocol. Lorelai tells Richard to have a good protocol.
Walking through the fake safari, Logan asks Rory if this is what she expected. Rory says that it wasn't anything like she expected. Logan guesses that Rory was picturing some flashlights, sleeping bags, boxes of Triscuits, Doritos, and a bong. Rory gets her own tent. Inside, a candle has been lit, uncovered and unattended. This is how inns burn down, people. Let's be a little more cautious in our reckless unpredictability. Logan tells her that the festivities start in half an hour. Rory immediately calls Dean (and gives a hairflip. Maybe it's Dean that makes her touch her hair) and says she's canceling on him this time. You got that Dean? SHE'S too busy for YOU. So YOU can go back to your WIFE. Rory leaves the worst message ever on Dean's machine, about how something so unexpected came up that she can't talk about and might not live through it maybe but perhaps she'll see him again if she doesn't die from her mysterious overnight location. Dude, I'd be kicking my boyfriend's ass if he left cryptic shit like that. Not that I have a boyfriend. Totally getting married, everybody. I haven't had a boyfriend since April. Rory then sets to writing in her super-secret notebook about the super-secret society. Yale doesn't assign enough homework.
Lane is in her bedroom, getting ready for her date. She grabs her purse and coat and heads out the door.
MfTL is waiting for Lane in the living room. He asks if he's early. She says he's right on time. They compliment each other. Lane asks if she's seen those pants on him before. MfTL says he found them in the bottom of his drawer; he forgot he had them. "Cool!" says Lane. They discuss what they should do with their evening. If they drive somewhere, mfTL would have to gas up his car and put air in the tires. Poor Lane. I miss Dave. Lane's cool with just sitting on their futon, watching the rest of what they started last night. MfTL's cool with that too, so they put their coats and bags aside and sit down to watch the rest of Stop Making Sense. Holy cow, Lane looks awesome in thigh-highs. Brian comes home, happy to see his roomies watching the rest of the David Byrne movie. Lane and mfTL explain to Brian that they are on a date, and that while it might look like exactly what they all did together last night when they were most definitely not on a date (for mfTL wasn't wearing any pants at the time), this one is more formal, and shouldn't include Brian. So Brian asks where he's supposed to go while this date is going on. Lane tells him that he can go hang out in her room. Brian is stoked, because he never gets to go in Lane's room. MfTL asks if that's such a good idea, since they may need Lane's room later if the date gets good. Lane, a bit insulted, tells Brian to go hang out in her room. Brian practically skips to Lane's bedroom, gushing, "Man, it smells good in here!" They washed mfTL's hair for this date.
Back at the other lame date, Rory emerges from her tent to mingle with snobby faux-intellectuals. She's really good at infiltrating -- she's taking notes in her notebook right there in front of everybody. Why would anyone want to talk to her? Way to fit in, Rory. She interrupts people's conversations, going right for the meaty questions from total strangers, not even bothering to ask their names. She is getting understandably ignored, left and right. Rory stumbles into the middle of four guys talking in what seems like inflated dialogue until they hint to her that they aren't allowed to use any words containing the letter "E." Thank God "stupid" doesn't have any "e"s, or I wouldn't be able to recap this section. But Rory keeps doing it, even though I would think Rory would happily geek out at this challenge, and decides to catch up with them later: "Have fun. If that's what you're doing." I wish Paris were here.
Rory wanders past the tables full of food to find Stephanie, who is glad to hear that Rory is using "e"s. A few hair flips and I refill my glass. Rory asks if Logan is the leader of the group. Stephanie tells Rory that they're an "anarchy collective," and that they don't recognize leaders. Right. Then Stephanie realizes that she shouldn't be talking to Rory at all, at least not with all of this information, but she's a little drunk and her lips are loose. I like Stephanie's voice. I don't, however, like Stephanie's fake hiccup. Rory flip, flip, flips her hair as Stephanie asks if she thinks Logan's cute. Rory admits that she does, but adds that she also has a job to do as a reporter. Stephanie leaves to go kill herself. I should mention now that it's the morning and I'm no longer playing the drinking game and there's company coming in about six hours and I've woken up to discover that today's forecast in Los Angeles is thunderstorms. Fantastic. I'm not sure where I'm going to put all these people that were supposed to come here, or they all won't come because it's raining and I'll be eating cheese and crackers for the month.
Rory heads back to the E group and asks if the safari theme is something they always do, or if they choose different themes. Great question, Rory. Couldn't you maybe do a page of research before infiltrating their group? E-Boy asks if he can quote Max Ernst, and then walks away.
Weird time cut to Rory alone in the dark writing in her notebook, far from the party she's supposed to be investigating. Poor Rory hates being not the center of all attention. Logan joins her, holding a lantern and a plate of food. Rory says she wanted a quiet place to collect her thoughts. She thanks Logan for the food, but Logan tells her it's for him. Logan apologizes for her not getting along with the group. He admits that it took arm-twisting to get them to let her come along in the first place. I'll say; that Rory's a total wet blanket. Rory says she doesn't need their cooperation, and that she's already filled two notebooks with her thoughts, including half a notebook without using the letter "E." Rory says that while this gathering is incredible, she knows it must be a preamble to the big stunt tomorrow. Logan's busy talking about how his food has too much salt on it, due to his Australian friend Finn. Rory asks a load of questions, including where they come up with the money for these stunts. Logan stares at Rory with a smarmy, impressed smile. He puts his salty food aside and says it's time to tell her the conditions of her being here. He takes her camera and says she'll get it back at the end of the trip. He tells her she can't use any names or descriptions, and that under no circumstances is she allowed to compromise the integrity of the event. In the background, the group begins to sing "As Time Goes By." If you can find thirty college-age kids who aren't in some kind of show choir who know all the words to that song, I'll give you a hundred bucks. Rory calls their singing pretty; Logan says they're drunk. So much underage drinking on this show these days. You kids stay out of my yard! And turn this recap down, it's too loud! Logan is called back to the group. He heads back with his arms out wide, doing his best Blaine impression.
Lane and mfTL have gotten snugglier as their movie ended, a pizza half-eaten and a bag of chips destroyed in the interim. They chit chat about how nice the date was. Lane says she has to get up early for work tomorrow. MfTL walks Lane to her bedroom door, holding her hand. Lane opens her door to find Brian konked out in her bed. "This is bad news," mfTL says. "Once he hits his REM state, Motörhead wouldn't wake him." MfTL walks over to Brian, picks him up and flips him over his shoulder. This gives me an instant flashback to The Tower Massacre Musical, the night I watched Todd Lowe flip Jason Liebrecht onto his back...and then drop him on his head. The audience thought it was part of the show, and only later, when someone shouted from the back, "Call an ambulance!" did we know that Jason had hurt himself. So Jason -- who's covered in squibs because he's playing Whitman, so he's got all these guns all over him -- is taken to the hospital without his wallet, because it's in the dressing room, and everybody's dressed as murdered people and grackles and crazy, and are trying to tell the doctors that he's not a serial killer or a madman -- he's just an actor who was playing Whitman, and all the blood is fake, but that he really did get dropped on his head and that's why he's a little delirious. And I had to run across the street and do a comedy show, and between sketches my friends would run up and give the latest news on Jason. All of that came flooding back when I watched mfTL flip Brian onto his back. But this time mfTL leans over and kisses Lane, and it's a weird moment when I think about how far we all have come in the past five years, and how some of us are married with kids now, and most of us moved out here to L.A. or to New York, but that we all came from the same place and had such faith in each other back when we were performing some of our weirdest, most experimental things. And the director of that musical is the director of the show I'm doing week, the same show we did back in February when Todd helped us haul furniture to the theatre, and once again we're auditioning for the Aspen Comedy Festival, as we did every year we were doing comedy in Austin. So as much as things have changed, it's remarkable how much has remained the same. Dude. I'm not even drunk and I got all nostalgic! Anyway, Todd gives Lane what looks like a pretty good kiss. They float to their rooms to the sound of strummy-strummy-la-la. I take a sip of my coffee, but it's not the same.
Morning at the safari. Logan's in a tux. Rory says, "Another day; another sartorial surprise." Logan tells her that the outfit she's wearing, the same thing she had on yesterday, compromises the integrity of the event. That and I think it's on inside out. Rory complains that she has nothing else to wear. Logan tells her to go back into her tent and do some more investigating. Rory does, and finds a gift-wrapped box filled with strummy-strummy-la-la.
Luke's at the Hartford Country Club dressed in his diner outfit. Richard doesn't assume that the man dressed as some kind of worker could be Luke. But eventually the two men find each other. Richard tells Luke he can't rent clubs; he must buy a set immediately. They go off to spend all of Luke's money.
Rory emerges in a very pretty gown. Ooh, it's very pretty indeed. I'll tell you a secret about it, but you'll have to wait until after we come back from winter hiatus. Someone remind me. Actually, I bet you can guess what that means. The episode is over, and Stee didn't see it, and he doesn't read my recaps so...put it in white and lose the flowered embroidery, and you've got something pretty close to my wedding gown. PLEASE DON'T TALK ABOUT THIS ON THE FORUMS. Just in case Stee stumbles anywhere near something Gilmore Girl-related. Is it bad luck to recap the bride before the wedding? If so, Wing, feel free to delete here. ["Hee, I don't think there's recap-related etiquette precedent, so it's cool." -- Wing Chun] Hey, here's another wedding fact, since this has turned into one of those recaps where I end up talking about myself all the time because there's nothing more to comment (and one of my bridesmaids recently decided to tell me that Stee and I are selfish and hate people, which is right up there with my mom asking if she can fly in on the day of the ceremony and leave the day) (ooh, I think I just did a little bride-y venting on y'all), so I'll tell you some good wedding facts: Wing Chun is our officiant. That's right, we will be married in the eyes of Tubey. ["And the law. Kind of. Well, close enough. But it's true, I have been Rev. Wing Chun for the past couple of months, so if my interjections have seemed more soulful, that's probably why." -- Wing Chun] Logan compliments his own eye for dress sizes. Yeah, hard to figure out that Rory falls somewhere between two and negative two.
Someone calls to order the 108th assembly of the Life and Death Brigade. Everyone is dressed in their prom finest. They raise their glasses In Omnia Paratus. They sip champagne and then get it on, bang a gong, get it on. The kids run wild all over their field day celebration. "And to think some folks just go bowling!" Logan says. A man in a gorilla mask gets too close to Rory, who is left alone again.
People are playing games with mallets and litters. Rory holds her notebook and wanders through the festivities.
Now society members are flinging themselves onto large mats while other men shoot corks at them, skeet-style. Finn, doing his best Robert Downey Jr., declares himself bored, and says he's to be a target. Rory asks if this is the big stunt. Logan asks her if it looks like the big stunt. Rory guesses no. Logan tells her she answered her own question, and that Rory will know the stunt when she sees it. Colin comes by on a stretcher, telling Logan he missed the mat. "I'll be fine," he whimpers. "Don't worry about me!" He adds, "In Omnia!" which means, "In all!" Logan laughs and keeps shooting.
Golf. I fall into a deep sleep. Luke's caddy helps Luke to select the right clubs, which is how people play golf, isn't it? Luke doesn't hit the ball very well, I guess, because he's grumpy. Richard asks Luke what his main hobby is. Luke asks his caddy, who suggests reading. Luke says he likes reading. Richard asks what he recently read. "Books, you know. This, that." Luke then has a hard time remembering the words "Philip K. Dick," and ends up accidentally calling Richard a dick a few times. Richard says he'll type "dick" on the internet and see what comes up. Heh. Richard apologizes to the group waiting to hit their balls, explaining that Luke is new. Luke hits a guy in a cart. Richard and Luke walk to the ...putter place, as Richard asks Luke when he's going to franchise the diner. He tells Luke exactly how to do it, and which people from the club Luke should get to help him with this business venture. Richard wants Luke to get a straight razor shave. I can't argue with that suggestion.
If there was a picture in the last episode of people jumping off a scaffolding holding umbrellas, why is it a huge surprise that they're about to do it again? Rory tells Logan that she worries those people will die. Logan explains that there's room for one more after him, because Finn didn't make it this far. Rory realizes what he means. "No!" she says. Logan says they won't die, because nobody in the Life and Death Brigade has ever died, despite the ominous-sounding name. A guy named Seth tells Rory that it's very safe, and that not one potato on the test drop was harmed. I just realized that sash they threw around Rory is to hide her body mic. You can tell how it's clipped to the front of her gown. Rory tries to back out, saying she's a journalist and not a participant. Logan goes down a list of great journalists who were great because they threw themselves into the thick of it. Now, most of those journalists are dead or crazy, but that's good enough for Rory, who realizes she's going to have to jump. Stee just walked over, watched six seconds over my shoulder, and then said: "What a dumb guy. Is that the love interest? Is he wearing a wig?" Stee, who wanted nothing more than for Luke and Lorelai to get together because he loves Luke more than a straight man should, has stopped watching this show. I think that really says something. It also means Stee saw the top half of the gown, but that's the part that looks the least like what I'll be wearing. I'm not going to stress about it. Our wedding will be fantastic!
Rory and Logan climb the scaffolding, bonding over their fear of ladders. I am impressed by Rory's ability to climb in that thing, even with the ballet slippers. "High," Rory says when she reaches the top and looks down. "We are very high." Logan says he's been higher. Seth tells Rory that the piece of fabric that will tie her to the string that will save her life is "totally safe" and "goes with [her] outfit." Rory asks why the people down on the ground look so worried. "We're low on champagne," Logan explains. The crowd begins shouting random Latin-esque words. "You trust me?" Logan asks as they hold their umbrellas and look down. "You jump, I jump, Jack," says Rory. Logan grabs Rory's hand, and everyone jumps. Wide shot of the six jumpers as they make their way down to the ground. Oh, it's the most glorious thing that has ever happened to Rory! She says it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. "Only if you want it to be," Logan says to her.
Dragonfly. Lorelai gets a phone call from a drunken Luke, who is practicing his...drive(?) and has just franchised his diner with Richard. He's gotta handful of stock! Luke says Richard wants to shave him. "Shave what?" Lorelai asks, disgusted. Luke says he's tipsy because they hit the club bar and he didn't want to order nitwit juice so he had whiskey something, which was more whiskey than something. If the something was "neat," Luke's in trouble. Luke: "And I've got an art dealer now." Lorelai: "No." Hee. Luke says he's driving to Manhattan week to look at some Diebenkorn that Luke will surely hate. Luke: "Oh, and I bought some golf clubs. They cost the same as a car." Luke also flubbed his reading hobby and now has to read The Iliad and The Odyssey: "And can we not hang out with your parents for a very long time?" Lorelai says that Luke needs to leave the driving range at once. "I don't think I could drive," Luke slurs. Lorelai tells him to have some coffee and come home. Luke doesn't want to go back into the club for coffee because the Diebenkorn guy is talking to Luke's rare coin guy. Lorelai tells him to leave at once, so Luke does, presumably with a blood alcohol content of point Booze.
Emily confronts Richard outside the pool house, screeching that he went golfing with Luke. "You are encouraging this ridiculous relationship," Emily says. Richard: "Emily, please." Emily: "He is not good enough for Lorelai. Or to be Rory's stepfather, God forbid." Richard asks if Emily could be more of a snob. Emily can't believe Richard paraded Luke around their club like that. Richard says that it was a fruitful outing, now that Luke's going to franchise the diner. Emily says there's no way a lout like Luke could manage a business. Richard says that's obvious, and that's why Richard will be the one making all the profits off Luke's chain: "He'll be the frontman. We'll shave him. Stick his picture on the menus." He hopes the whole thing will bestow some credibility on Luke: "At least then, if this insane relationship between him and Lorelai continues, we can legitimately take him to places like the club." How's Digger treating you guys these days? For some reason, Emily thinks this is absurd and Richard's absurd and this whole thing is absurd. I don't even know why they're angry at each other anymore. Aren't they both on the same side of every argument they have? Richard tells Emily to think ahead, and goes back into his poolhouse.
Rory's consulting her notes as she writes her article. She gets a cell-phone call from Lorelai, who says, "Are you typing?" instead of "Hello." She says they agreed Rory wouldn't type while they talked. Heh, that's such a conversation of me and Mom, because she always calls when I'm working. She would argue that I'm always working, and that's why it happens that I'm usually typing when she calls. Rory says she has to break the rule this time because she's under deadline. Lorelai says she's off to Luke's to de-stress him after his "Unhappy Gilmore" outing. I bet they've been waiting years to use that joke. Lorelai asks Rory if men shave anywhere but their faces. Rory's grossed out, and says she's never lived with a man. Lorelai says she hasn't either. Rory asks Lorelai to tell Luke to put a diner near Yale, since she misses the burgers. How is that possible, when she's back in Stars Hollow every other night? Rory asks Lorelai if she thinks she's too scared: "Too timid? Do I take enough chances?" Lorelai says she does. "I'm not a mouse?" Rory wonders. Then there's a knock at her door, so she hangs up with Lorelai. Rory answers, and finds her camera and a bottle of champagne on the floor, wrapped up in a bow of strummy-strummy-la-la. Rory flips through her camera's pictures. Aaugh! There's a monster behind the camera! Oh, wait. I guess there's a gorilla mask on the floor, too. The last two shots are of Rory jumping off the scaffolding. Someone is very talented with a digital camera. Proud of her "incredibly brave" life risk, Rory smugly closes her door.
week, Dean realizes how Yale turns people into snobs.