Keg! Max!

First of all, thanks to Kim for filling in for me last week. I'm bummed I didn't get to recap the episode that should have been titled Pamie's Shout-Out, but Kim did an awesome job. Now, I must address the following issues. Is Michel still wandering around looking for Lorelai's gift to beat Bruce McCulloch's Tobin? And hopefully Tobin will keep coming around. Can you believe this show did a Birthday Week? Do you know I've been celebrating Birthday Week for over four years? Even Pamie.com had a Birthday Week, back in its old incarnation. And on my Birthday Week, I had a Sephora day, too! Now, Lorelai does Birthday Week old school, with the last day of Birthday Week happening on the actual birthday. I like to do it the other way around, so that when people forget your birthday, they still have another seven days to get you a gift. I'm a little like Lorelai on my Birthday Week. I used to be more reserved and shy about it. Now I accept all presents with a great big celebration of joy. Because that's the response you want when you give a gift, right? Oh, and I was glad to see they reused the pizza delivery boy at the pizza place -- the kid with the afro. But what was up with Rory never calling Sookie to apologize for the pizza fiasco? In one episode, the girls made everyone who loved them hate them. Like that's new, I guess.

What? You want me to discuss this week's episode? Fine. Here goes.

Previously: Jess was not greater than or equal to CuteDean. Lorelai - Max = Lorelai. CuteDean + Lindsay = CuteDean. Jess + Max = Patience(Tested)(Infinity).

We open with Lorelai and Rory sitting on their couch. Lorelai comes up with an idea, but changes her mind before she says the entire sentence, prompting Rory to beg her not to do that anymore. She says it's just like someone saying "shave and a haircut" and then nothing more. Lorelai makes Rory finish the "two bits" so the world isn't forever on hold waiting for it. I have that reaction when you see open quotes in a paragraph but they never finish, so the rest of the book is one giant quote. I was joking with Djb about having my novel open with a set of quotation marks to end all of the open-quoted things I've ever read, finally finishing off that enormous speech one character has been having for volumes upon volumes of literature. Lorelai suggests that she and Rory have pizza and television for their Friday night. Rory thinks that's pretty lame, since it's Friday night and they should actually be doing something. But since both of them have pretty lame boyfriends, I guess it makes sense that they're with each other on a Friday night. Rory thinks they should be out hanging with their homies, but Lorelai complains that all of their Stars Hollow homies have early bedtimes. Rory suggests watching Kirk play video trivia at the pizza place. Lorelai says that would make them officially old. I'd like to add here that although I think everyone overreacted to Lorelai giving Emily the money in the last episode, I also think it's incredibly stupid for them to stop going to Friday dinners immediately, particularly when they don't have anything better to do this Friday night. Why not just go, to prove that the money wasn't what was bringing them together? Why immediately spend your evenings alone? This proves Emily's point, and looks childish on their part. Also, do you think they got rid of Friday night dinners because they were tired of us counting the Fridays? Now it'll be harder to determine what day it is. Pretty sneaky, Sis.

Rory picks up the phone to call Emily and Richard, saying that it feels weird not even to talk to them on a Friday night. Lorelai tells Rory not to call them because they're probably eating alone, shivering in a one-bulb room with cold food, milking the pathetic martyrdom for all it's worth. Rory says that she's not the one fighting with Richard and Emily, so she can call them if she wants. Why can't Rory be this assertive around Jess? Anyway, Richard and Emily are having a killer party and their house is filled with guests. I love that they instantly used their Friday nights for fun while Lorelai and Rory just moped at home. And it's unlike Rory and Lorelai to give up free meals. And I can't believe Richard and Emily didn't invite Rory to the party so that they can introduce their Yale-going granddaughter to all their important friends. I've spent too long on this topic. Anyway, Emily's dancing with some guy who's got Roman Hands, there are mushroom caps and singing, and Rory's planning to visit after school on Monday. Rory tells Lorelai that the Gilmore house is partying like it's 1999. Lorelai says their own house is like The 700 Club in comparison. She doesn't understand how Emily and Richard bounced back so quickly: "Okay. They win this time. But we gotta think of something super-big, fantastic, and cool for Friday night." The girls sit and think. Rory briefly fantasizes about mushroom caps until Lorelai shushes her. Awkward fade to opening credits, missing a callback to Kirk's Video Trivia here.

Do you guys think it's weird that Jess's spin-off doesn't have a name yet? I think it does not bode well.

Luke's. Lorelai is in an ugly fuschia sweater vest, taking pictures with her new digital camera. Who bought her the fancy present? Lorelai says she loves her digital camera and she'll never stop taking pictures of it. Its name is Digital Dan. Lorelai tries to take a picture of Rory, but seems not to understand the concept of taking pictures, and takes a picture past Rory, of the woman sitting beside Rory. Lorelai compliments the woman's cheekbones. I get that Lorelai is too self-absorbed to learn how to use gadgets properly, but the woman's smart enough to work a camera, people. Rory hands Lorelai a letter from Chilton. The Booster Club is asking for Lorelai's help. Rory calls them "bastards." Lorelai has been summoned for Booster Duty. Rory says that Lorelai doesn't really have to go, since Rory's going to Yale and she doesn't need many more favors from Chilton, but she does eventually need to get her diploma and extra graduation tickets. Lorelai pouts and says she'll go. Luke walks up, prompting Lorelai to take a picture of him, flashing him in the face (and the picture is totally of his neck, with the zoom and the fact that Lorelai was moving the camera as she took the picture). Luke gets grumpy about the camera. Lorelai laughs at the picture, telling Luke that he doesn't photograph well. Luke explains that the lighting is bad in the room, and that the photo was taken from a bad angle. Lorelai teases Luke for knowing about lighting. She then takes pictures of the menu, saying she'll order from the camera's pictures. Luke gives up and walks away as Lorelai zooms in on the breakfast meats.

Lane's band practices. I guess it's Sunday. The band celebrates a new first: they all stopped playing at the same time, finishing the song in unison. Rory tells them that they sounded great. Cross-armed and jiggly-legged beside her, Jess reluctantly agrees. Lane celebrates the fact that the band has a gig. A kid from school -- Kyle -- is having a party while his parents are out of town. Jess asks if they have enough songs. Hi, random question. Dave says they have enough for two half-hour sets. But the band doesn't have a name yet. Brian likes "The Harry Potters." Todd Lowe likes "Follow Them To the Edge of the Desert." He thinks it's memorable and classy. "I run out of breath every time I say it," Brian says. Todd Lowe tells Brian that, with Brian's asthma, he runs out of breath saying anything. Dave agrees that they can't name the band around Brian's respiratory issues. I love "Follow Them To the Edge of the Desert," after the whole "And You Shall Know Us By the Trail Of Dead," and any title Dave Eggers comes up with. Don't make me have to sit around remembering all of the words when I want to buy something, you know? Todd Lowe says that once they get famous their fans will shorten the band to just "FTTTEOTD." Hee. It'll totally be "F 3T EO TD," by the way. And have you guys seen the trailer for League of Extraordinary Gentlemen? The one where they want us to call it "LXG"? My ass. ["That's totally what I said when we saw the trailer. It's like when they tried to tell us that the abbreviation for Independence Day was 'ID4.' Yes, I know that Independence Day is the 4th of July, but there's no 4 in that title, just like there's no X initial in League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Shut up, Fox. The alphabet is not your plaything." -- Wing Chun] Brian asks Lane how she's going to lie to her mom. It's all an elaborate system of switcheroos involving Rory and Jess lugging drums and Jung Chu taking Lane out on another fake date. Rory and Jess make an abrupt and awkward exit. Brian suggests "The We" as their band name, as in "We are the We." Todd Lowe says he can't talk about this anymore.

Rory asks Jess if there's been any word on his car. Jess is all, "Nothing." Okay. Jess would totally have gotten another car by now. What, did he just quit Wal-Mart and start going to school? I'm sure he didn't. How's he skipping school these days? And how many cars is this kid going to go through? And why wouldn't Luke give him the car back by now? Where's he hiding it? Did Jess go to the cops eventually? So many questions! No real answers! Also, last week when Rory was teasing Jess for looking up how far away Yale was from Stars Hollow -- that's the nicest they've ever written Jess. He was reluctantly sweet and even a tiny bit romantic. But now he's back to just being shitty to her once again: "Say goodbye, it's gone. Whatever." So, I guess Jess doesn't care about his car being gone. It's sort of how I feel about Jess on this show now, since his days are so numbered. It's not really worth dissecting everything that's wrong about his character, is it? ["If you won't do it, I can pick up the slack." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, Rory says she likes that Jess is getting to know Dave. (I guess watching someone play guitar can bring you closer.) She says it'll make the four of them going to Prom together even better. Jess says he almost forgot about Prom. Rory says she knows he's trying to forget about it. Jess says he agreed and he's a man of his word, so he's still taking her to Prom. Rory says that if she only got to go to one more dance in her whole entire life, it'd be the Stars Hollow High Prom with Lane. Boys optional, it seems. Jess says he'll get the tickets this week. Rory offers to pay, but Jess says, "Not a chance." He kisses her. She reminds him that he'll have to wear a tux. "I know it's geeky..." she starts. Jess says that tuxes are also very James Bond. He also plans on stashing a change of clothes in the limo. They need to take a limo to go all the way across the street? They kiss again. Jess pats Rory on her stomach. She leaves to the sound of strummy-strummy la la.

Sookie's kitchen. A man is on his side under the stove. We can only see his butt. Sookie, in a too-short jacket for that pink (!) Oxford shirt underneath it, calls to Lorelai that she's in the kitchen. Lorelai pouts in and demands "love and a hug" because she just laid off Julio, the man she was professing love to only two weeks ago. Poor Julio. Still again I ask, where's the manager lady of this Inn? ["Mia." -- Wing Chun] It seems that Lorelai is having to lay off all kinds of invisible workers at the Inn while they repair the three things that got soot damage. Sookie now refers to Lorelai's job as a "we," as in: "We all love them and we'll hire them back as soon as all the repairs are done." Watch it, Sookie. With a useless kitchen due to fire damage, I'm pretty sure the most expendable lady in the place is the gourmet chef. I mean, it's wine and cheese, isn't it? Lorelai says that she still had to lay off Frank, but she couldn't do it, so Michel offered, skipping away to do the deed.

Lorelai asks how Luke's doing under the stove. Sookie confesses that she's been keeping her distance since "The Incident": earlier, she leaned in close to watch what he was doing, and after a while she noticed that she'd been holding his butt the entire time. "It's getting very Cinemax at Night in here!" Lorelai scoffs. Lorelai asks how the butt was. "Got a nice shape to it," Sookie smiles. Luke asks them to stop talking about his butt. Lorelai says they'll just talk about it after he leaves. "Which is now, 'cause I'm done," Luke says. He tells the ladies that the contractors were right, and that the gas line can't be hooked up again until the wall is fixed. No kitchen. See ya, Sookie. Don't let the baby hit you on the way out. Lorelai and Sookie talk about Luke's butt again. Lorelai asks if she'll see Luke for breakfast Saturday morning. Luke says she won't, because he and Nicole are going skiing, and they have to get up ridiculously early since Nicole has to drive in from out of town. Nicole can't stay the night at Luke's apartment because of Jess, which I guess means Nicole can't sleep in the same room as Luke without having sex with him, or maybe Nicole hates Jess as much as we do, so she refuses to even see him. Since Lorelai stayed there platonically the other night, I don't understand...it doesn't matter. Anyway, Lorelai offers to let Luke and Nicole spend the night at the Inn, since the rooms are unsellable with all the fire damage and she's been getting free work out of him while shutting down his diner for about a month now. Luke thanks her and says he'll think about it. I immediately assume that Jess will try to get Rory to spend the night at his empty diner shack. The girls go back to discussing Luke's fine ass. He leaves, and Michel enters. Michel tells Lorelai that Frank rescues Chow puppies. He feeds and rescues them until he finds owners for them. Michel holds up a picture of two Chow puppies -- Chin Chin and Pau Pau. Michel has taken them in. Meanwhile, he needs Lorelai to fire Frank for him while he goes to buy puppy chow.

Chilton...in the middle of the night, it seems. The Booster Club is meeting, and Lorelai's trying not to sleep through the notes. Are these the same Boosters from before? Lorelai isn't alone: a man named Doug has also joined the club. He got the same threatening letter Lorelai did. The ladies discuss the upcoming grad night. One woman comments that she can't believe her Farrah is eighteen. Doug mumbles that his daughter was eighteen when she was twelve. "Men," the lady hisses back at him. Lorelai tells Doug to be careful. The Booster head informs Lorelai that this year's grad night will be on a yacht. The party will start at the dock, and then the boat will sail for three hours, and then there will be fireworks. The Booster head lady then hands Lorelai the cash box. This is something that really makes no sense in this episode. I'm not sure if it'll be used later for something important, but it really goes nowhere in this one, so I'm not going to dwell on it for too long. For the couple of days, Lorelai is in charge of watching a box of cash. How the Chilton Booster Club wouldn't have a bank account is beyond me. Wait. Not dwelling. Anyway, they took a vote and Lorelai's in charge, even though Lorelai explains that she's bad with money. Lorelai's the grad night treasurer, and Doug is head chaperon. Enter Max, wearing a blue sweater vest. Lorelai's tongue falls out of her mouth and rolls onto the floor as Max makes casual talk with the group. He empathizes with Doug's male position and fails to mention that he was once engaged to Lorelai. As the head Booster lady goes on about caterers for grad night, Lorelai stares at Max like, "Tell them we kissed last week! Tell them you loved me! Tell them!"

Cut to ugliest shot in this show's history: Lorelai dressed as J.Lo and Sookie dressed as Fraggle Rock's Trash Heap. Lorelai's in a pink hoodie, paisley blouse, and gray Kangol. Sookie's wearing a busy pink bandanna top and a green and brown cardigan buttoned at her boobs. Yikes. These two are a couple of Don't's, strolling through Stars Hollow. Lorelai is complaining that Max didn't make a big scene in front of everyone, crying about how much he misses her and yearns to kiss her again. Lorelai tangents long enough to make fun of each and every woman at the table. Both women agree that they hate people who jiggle their legs. Lorelai says she wanted to "hook up" to talk to Max after the meeting, but he excused himself five minutes early. Hi, stalk much, Lorelai? She complains that she couldn't follow him because, as treasurer, it would look fishy for her to do so (whatever). She complains about him having some kind of appointment, and complains that they didn't make proper eye contact: "It was very lacking in meaning." Sookie suggests that Max and Lorelai might both have been trying to be cool, James Dean-ing it until they were both practically ignoring each other. Lorelai says she was the only one playing at it, and that Max was actually cool. Sookie suggests that maybe Lorelai never kissed Max and it was all in her head. Sookie says that, when she was a kid, she fantasized about kissing Leif Garrett for so long that she convinced herself that it had happened, and can still feel his lips on hers. Lorelai gloats that she and Max totally kissed for real in real life, and now Max is ignoring her in public. What does this girl want from him, anyway? Maybe she should have tried to see him over the past month or so instead of hoping he'll break down in front of the Boosters.

Sookie asks what Rory thinks about all of this (awkward transitional sentence). Lorelai says that she told Rory that she and Max kissed, but now that Max is teaching Rory at Chilton again and Lorelai's having some kind of relationship with him, she thinks it's best to not mention...what? Him ignoring her five minutes ago? Anyway, Lorelai thinks she won't mention this to Rory, in order not to stress Rory out during finals. I'm sure Rory would lose hours of sleep. Sookie asks Lorelai if she wants to get back together with Max. Lorelai smiles and says she doesn't know what she's feeling or looking for these days: "I hate that! Because it's so wishy-washy! But it's true! I mean, technically? I'm still seeing Alex." Oh, lord. "Hi, Sookie. How's your baby coming along? Can I come with you to a doctor's appointment? My parents are really upset with me concerning a large sum of money and I'm not sure if they want to talk to me ever again. Rory's making big decisions about college and sex. My Inn suffered major fire damage. Oh, who'm I kidding? Boys, boys, BOYZZZ!" Lorelai wishes she knew how Max felt about all of this; then she could know how she felt about all of it. Yes, that's some good logic. Also, maybe you should CALL HIM and not expect him to confess emotion in front of...never mind. Lorelai, taking a tip from The Rules, compares this experience to ordering food at a seafood restaurant. Once she knows what her date wants, then she can order her own food, because she doesn't want to get the same thing he gets, and she doesn't want him to think that she's a hog if she orders both surf and turf. The girls decide that they're more hungry than interested in discussing this further. Me too. Sookie asks if there's really an Alex. "Stop," Lorelai says. Then we watch them enter a restaurant we've never seen before.

Freddy "Boom Boom" Washington's holding court, and Jess is the latest defendant on the stand. Jess says he was just trying to buy his Prom tickets when they told him he had to go to the Principal's office instead. Boom Boom is very interested in seeing Jess, and asks him to sit down. Boom Boom says he wouldn't have taken Jess as someone who wanted to go to the Prom. Jess pouts that his girlfriend wants to go. Like Stars Hollow hasn't already named Rory Prom Queen. Boom Boom says it's too bad, because Jess has flunked out and now he can't go to Prom. The tickets are for graduating seniors only, so Jess can't go. Jess says he's just a little behind, and that he can catch up "no sweat." Boom Boom says Jess has missed too many classes -- thirty-one days, when the cut-off is twenty. Jess is all, "So that's it? Just like that." Boom Boom says that it's not "just like that" since he sent home repeated letters and tried to set up several meetings with guidance counselors to keep Jess in school. Jess says he'll make it up in summer school, so he should at least be able to go to Prom. Boom Boom is yelling at Jess that he's wasted everyone's time and now he'll have to repeat the grade. Jess would rather quit, and promptly does. Boom Boom's all, "Smell you later, Flunky." I'll miss you, Boom Boom Washington.

Rory's getting ready for a date, I think, since she's applying lipstick. Lorelai is upset because eighteen dollars is missing from the cash box. Rory asks why Lorelai hasn't deposited the money in the bank yet. Rory, quit asking good questions. There's no logic involved here! Rory asks if Lorelai counted the money when she got the box. She didn't. There's much discussion of a choosy burglar. Lorelai asks Rory why she's off to the party so early. Rory says they have to help Lane set up the band. Lorelai tells Rory not to take her purse, since she doesn't need money or an ID at the party. Wait, um, yes she does. She should have ID at all times, and if she's going to a party with a boy you don't trust, she should totally have her own money on her so she can take a cab or whatever when said boy crashes car of the week and goes to jail. And then why can't Rory just put something in a pocket? Lorelai ties Rory's key to her belt, saying that the belt shouldn't come off. I guess Rory can neither pee nor identify herself in an emergency. It's amazing Rory made it this far alive. I guess all of this will be important in the episode; otherwise I'm not sure why we're getting this lesson in "How To Get Stolen and Dumped In A River Without Ever Being Identified Or Found Ever Again." And wouldn't a key on your belt buckle hurt anyone who approached? Lorelai continues the Girls Gone Wild life lessons, telling Rory not to bother coming home if she's had sex, and not to eat from communal bowls of chips unless she wants the SARS. Finally, Lorelai tells Rory that getting up on a table and performing a song of any kind will haunt her for the rest of her days. "Been there, done that," Lorelai says. Rory says she wasn't planning on doing that. "These things are never planned," Lorelai says. I know. I'm sure nobody I was with remembers the occasion, but I'll never be able to hear "Love in an Elevator" without shivering ever again. The ladies leave together. Rory tells Lorelai to enjoy her Booster club meeting. Again? Jeez. Lorelai brings up the subject of Max by saying she wasn't going to bring up the subject of Max. She then decides mid-sentence that she's still not going to bring up the subject of Max. Good job, Lor. Now give the girl a condom and a spliff and send her on her way.

A driver's ed car just picked up the teen girl who lives across the street from me. After watching her adjust the sideview mirror for two hours, I saw her make a jerky entrance onto the street. Is it wrong that I felt the impulse to go out and move my car? From my driveway?

The band is setting up. Jung Chu watches. Kyle, the kid with the house, packs away all breakables. Rory tries to tell them they look like a real band, but for some reason she doesn't know the phrase "#1 with a Bullet." Rory tries it more times than my neighbor kid just adjusted her rearview mirror. Todd Lowe tells Brian to move back more so his double-jump-kick with slashing windmills off the amp won't hit him. Dave calls the move too "Milli Vanilli." Because if there was one thing the Vanilli did, it was play the guitar with slashing windmills. Todd Lowe then chastises Brian for calling a plant by its genus and species, saying it's "very not rock and roll." Dave decides to finalize the set list.

Rory watches Kyle and his friend pack up the Hummels. She asks if he needs help. Kyle's mouth is so full of metal that I don't understand the first sentence after after three listenings. It sounds like, "Nope. Stashes snuggle up sin the art trial. Now, packin' up the Hummels." Kyle freaks when his mom's favorite -- Boy with Toothache-- is handled so recklessly by his friend Marshall, who promptly apologizes. Kyle asks about the double-jump-kick. Rory promises to put a stop to it. Marshall audibly appreciates the detail on one of the Hummels.

Rory walks back over to Jess, who's ultra-grumpy. The band discusses how starting off with a slow song won't work. Todd Lowe thinks it's way too "emo." Brian says he's just playing devil's advocate. Dave thinks that's a great band name. Uh, hello? MamaLane's gonna be told about this band eventually. Think maybe your band could be not named after Satan?

The door bursts open to the sound of the scream, "KEG!" It's two boys with a keg. Kyle tells us that the screaming kid is his cousin Rick, who just turned twenty-one. "Pretty awesome," he says. "TWENTY-ONE!" Rick screams. Rick is clearly TWENTY-EIGHT. He has a moustache, people. Lane asks if that's beer they're carrying. Todd Lowe says it's a milk keg. Lane is worried about whether it's legal to have a keg. Everyone is reminded that Rick is TWENTY-ONE! "Or he's just really into that particular integer." Lane is quite uncomfortable with the booze factor. She who loves boozy musicians more than she loves Jesus. Todd Lowe teases Lane for being such a prude: "What were you expecting? Tang?" Kyle yells at Rick for putting the keg on the carpet. He tells Marshall to run upstairs and get the pool towels, not the good towels.

Jung Chu runs up to the band and asks if he can do anything to help. Dave thanks him and says they've got it covered. Jung Chu asks Lane if she needs anything, like water. Dave tells Jung Chu to stay away from the band area, since they have a lot of cords: "I don't want you to get electrocuted and die." Jung Chu gives a shaky "Oh, okay" and leaves. Dave, near tears, asks Lane if Jung Chu's staying for the whole thing. Lane looks away and says Jung Chu has nowhere else to go. Dave flashes her a two-handed gang sign and walks away as Kyle chastises Marshall for bringing down the good towels.

Jess complains that they're at the party too early. Rory reminds him that they're like roadies, helping the band set up. She's also advising Lane on her makeup and is the keeper of Brian's sandwich and Thermos. Jess moans that they are "Dork Early." Rory asks him to get into the spirit of things. For the first time ever. Jess says he's going to "wander around a little." He walks off. Rory sits and sighs. Todd Lowe tries his double-jump-kick and knocks a few things over. He decides to cut the kick.

Independence Inn. No, I don't know what time it must be or what day it really is. Michel is running around like a madman because there's a lobby full of guests who want to check in. Lorelai asks what's happening. Since everyone has been laid off and a maid called in sick, Michel has been running the entire Inn by himself; he'll have to do turn-down service by himself and his puppies need attention. He read in the Chow book that puppies need love and stimulation or they'll murder the owners later. Ba-dum-bum. When he went home earlier, poor Pau Pau had fallen into his water bowl and could have drowned. Michel is in tears as he realizes he's a bad daddy. Lorelai says that it's going to be okay and that the puppy will be fine. Then, instead of helping, she takes off to do turn-down. Michel asks the guest in line if she's ever seen a Chow puppy.

The party is now kicking it. Rory finds pouty Jess and says that the band is all hyperventilating in the same rhythm, so they're ready to go on. She asks what he's looking at. Jess: "A happy family. Kind of depressing, actually." Yikes. Rory warns him not to embarrass himself by spreading too much joy around. She kisses him. She tells him to get more moody. Jess says he'll try. "Let's look around a little bit," Rory says awkwardly. Then they walk through the house. I guess this is so we see that there are people in the party, and we get a foreshadow when there's a sobbing girl and Jess jokes that it's a bit early for the waterworks. But when you say you're looking around, doesn't that mean you're looking for an empty room to make out in? I mean, I never went to parties like this because I never lived in a small town television clich, but isn't that how they work? Jess points out the bathroom line. "Figures," Rory says. Whatever.

Rory and Jess walk over to the keg, where the boys are trying to figure out how it works. Jess explains how kegs work and then puts the tap in with his eyes closed. Rory looks more impressed than she should look. Jess -- you just enabled minors. Welcome to prison.

Rory and Jess continue their party tour. stop: the band. Brian's got pre-show tummy jitters. Todd Lowe tells him it's his citrus intake, and that he needs to lay off the oranges.

stop: CuteDean and Lindsay. Lindsay waves at Rory. Why does Rory always check out Lindsay's pelvis? Lane runs over and asks Rory to get Jung Chu out of her hair. She asks Rory to find a girl for him. The band gets up to play, telling Brian he's going to be fine. Dave tells Brian to use his inhaler. Todd Lowe reminds him that John Entwistle's hair and fingernails were still growing when they brought in his replacement. Brian worries that he'll be replaced like John Entwistle. The crowd gets restless, and people who appear to be making fun of their extras parts shout, "Come on! Rock and Roll!" and "Crank it!" Anyway, after much discussion and debate, the band decides they need someone to announce the band. They bring up Rory, the worst public speaker in television history, to announce the nameless band. It's amazing how uncool Rory is in front of other people. As the band members bark out their own choices for band name, Rory opts for mumbling into the back of her hand. The band jams out to The White Stripes' "Fell in Love With a Girl." Everyone's rockin'. Lane is doing her best Meg White impression.

Independence Inn. In lucky room Seven, Lorelai knocks for turn-down service. Somehow, she doesn't know that this room belongs to Luke and Nicole. Nicole is wearing a post-sex robe. Now, I know most scenes that Daniel Palladino writes take a long time and feel awkward, but this one is longer and more awkward than any he's ever written before. There is much arguing about why Luke's there, and exactly how Lorelai might not have known that, and then whether she should still do turn-down service, since Nicole doesn't like her and Lorelai likes Luke and Luke likes Lorelai but he's dating Nicole. And then Lorelai won't just give them any privacy and makes a big deal about doing their turn-down service, as if she's actually a maid and this is beneath her. Lorelai is constantly amazed every time she's reminded that the world continues to exist even when she's not in the room. Lorelai even takes a moment to do her Debbie Allen in Fame impression. Nicole gets it, so Lorelai is now forced to like her, if only for just a second. Lorelai tries for a long time to light a fire (why Nicole asks her to light a fire instead of just pushing her out of the room by her face is beyond me). The fire won't light, and Lorelai narrates the history of logs being lit in the Inn. Oh my God. Get out of that room, Lorelai. Stop it. Stop it! Get out of there before everyone hates you! Lorelai leaves with a "Have fun," but it's clear from Nicole's body language that Luke's fixing to get a thirty-five minute talkin'-to.

The band rocks it to the first break. Everyone's stoked and the party is loving the band. Jess doesn't even bother to clap, you guys. Just has his hands jammed in his pants. I understand Flunky's a bit pouty, but if he's not going to fess up, he'd better play along. Rory tells the band they were amazing and awesome. Todd Lowe tells Brian not to get so close to them when they sing; Brian's nose was on Todd's cheek. Lane is gushing with happiness, but Dave's giving her the cold shoulder. Kyle and Marshall walk by as the Party Police, reminding the guests what coasters are for.

By the stairs (and gigantic carpet cat house (someone find that cat)), Lane asks Dave what his damage is. Dave says that the Jung Chu thing is driving him crazy. Lane plays dumb until Dave finally gets her to admit that Jung Chu is in love with her and is planning on taking her to Prom. Dave is outraged and pissed. Lane says they're not out of time. Dave says that the Prom is in two weeks. Lane: "I'll make it happen, I swear." Dave: "It's too late." He walks off, Lane calling his name like a bad '50s movie.

Jess wants to leave the party. Rory doesn't. How many times have I typed those two sentences this season? Rory: "It's early." Jess: "It's boring." Rory says they can't just go since the band's playing another set. "They can do it without us," Jess says. Rory says she doesn't want to go. She tells him to try to have fun: "Talk. Mingle." Jess: "I don't want to talk to anybody else. I don't like anybody else." Can't you just see why Rory loves him so much? He's so awesome and cool and funny. He just lives to make Rory happy. Rory says she doesn't want to leave and that she needs to stay here for Lane. She bribes him by kissing him.

Later, at the party, Kyle carries around napkins. Rory and Jess walk up to Lindsay and CuteDean. Rory asks Lindsay what she thought of Lane's band. Lindsay says she liked them, even though she didn't recognize most of the songs. She looks at CuteDean to make sure that's okay. CuteDean apologetically tells Rory that Lindsay's not a "music freak" like Rory is. Um, wasn't Rory stumbling on "#1 with a bullet" just five minutes ago? And also: watch it, CuteDean. Rory says that not everyone has to be a freak. "True," CuteDean says. Rory asks what music Lindsay likes. Lindsay says she likes Michelle Branch and Matchbox 20 (I refuse to write it out like "twenty" how they do now, as if that makes them more legit). Jess just flat-out horks a nauseated noise right in front of Lindsay. What an asshole. It's awkward as CuteDean tries not to punch Jess, Rory does nothing, and Lindsay thinks, "Why do we always have to hang out with his precious ex-girlfriend and her asshole boyfriend? I hate them so much." Rory says that she likes all kinds of music. Uh, thanks, Rory. Lindsay tells Jess that he used to go to her school. Rory says he still does. CuteDean says he hasn't seen Jess around. Jess asks if he's the attendance monitor. Ooh, burn. Jess says he's going to see "what the hell's" holding up some line we can't see. He pouts off. Rory: "He's not feeling well." Oh, and did a door hit you, Rory? "That's too bad," Lindsay says, feeling more than just a bit superior to Rory. Mr. and Mrs. Tall excuse themselves and walk away.

Awkwardly directed scene where Lane wanders past Marshall, who tells Lane that there's a guy looking for him. He points at Jung Chu, who has saved a seat for Lane. Lane hides.

Boys at the keg are discussing a movie I haven't seen, so I'm assuming it's from either a Star Wars or Lord of the Rings. ["I heard something about an anthropomorphic tree, so I guessed it was The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, which I also haven't seen." -- Wing Chun] But Kyle's so heavy on the braces it sounds like he's talking about Dorf. Kids don't still see Dorf on Golf commercials, do they? Oh, shit. I just called you "kids." Dammit! Lane runs up and asks for a cup of beer. Now, is she drinking beer to make Jung Chu like her less, or is Lane just deciding to drown her sorrows in twelve ounces of brew? It's not really clear here. The cup is clearly empty, so Lane doesn't react like she's even had a sip of beer. The boys go back to discussing something I haven't seen that may or may not star Tim Conway. Lane gulps back another couple of sips. This time we can see foam on her lips. I rhymed!