We open at Luke's. It's pretty crowded. Taylor has cornered Lorelai at her table. He's having his entire family stay at the Inn, which he's reserving under his credit card, but it's very important that they each check out using their own individual cards. He asks if they've gone over the room arrangements yet. "Closing in on a hundred and fifty times," Lorelai answers. Taylor explains that the Doose clan is very particular about their accommodations. They are light sleepers prone to night terrors, and some of them have allergies to sleep-related products.
Lorelai excuses herself. She makes a beeline to the counter, where Rory and Jess are having some heavy hand-holding while Jess talks. Lorelai scolds Rory for taking too long getting coffee, leaving her vulnerable to the Taylor attack. Lorelai tells Rory she has to pretend she's sick when she gets back to the table -- so sick that she's unable to feed herself and they have to leave immediately. Rory says goodbye to Jess. Lorelai tells Rory to limp back to the table. Rory asks what malady would cause her to be violently ill with a limp. "It's French," Lorelai answers. Rory fails to limp back to the table. Lorelai tells Taylor that Rory isn't feeling very well. Taylor's instantly sympathetic, cooing, "What's the matter?" "It's French," Rory whines. Taylor looks as uncomfortable as if Rory answered, "It's my vagina." He gathers his things and says they're done. He gives Lorelai and Rory each an exposition button. Rory reads it aloud: "Stars Hollow Hockey, 2003 semi-finalists. Go Minutemen. The future is yours. Bring this button to Doose's for 50% off your purchase of Stove Top Stuffing." Rory marvels at how many words Taylor fit on a button. Taylor says he expects to see both of them wearing their buttons at tomorrow night's game. Lorelai says they'll try to make it. Taylor can't believe they're only going to try, since it's been forty-three years since the team has been in the regional semi-finals. Rory notes that they only made it this year because one team forfeited due to food poisoning. Taylor admits it's "not exactly the plot of Hoosiers," but that it's still pretty exciting, nonetheless. Hee. Taylor says that his family has been the backbone of Stars Hollow High Hockey for years. I guess that's why we've been hearing about this since Season One, right? Taylor says he was goalie in the last regional finals. Does that place Taylor at about sixty years old? Taylor says he was responsible for the game-winning goal. Luke walks up at this point and asks if the puck went in because it bounced off Taylor's head. "Still counted," Taylor says. Did it bounce off his head and then fly across the rink into the other net? I don't get how a goalie could score a game-winning goal off his head. Luke can't believe that's what happened either, especially since he was just making a joke. Taylor quickly says that he, as well, was just making a joke. Taylor turns to make one more comment to Lorelai, but the door's bell is ringing because Lorelai and Rory have run away without paying for their food once again. Taylor clucks and scoffs, horrified that Lorelai would make her daughter run in her terrible French state. Luke points at the back of Taylor's head, commenting that you can still see the dent the puck made. Fade to opening credits.
Friday night dinner. Rory and Lorelai are shoveling food into their mouths as Richard watches. He tells Rory to slow down and chew her food more carefully. Rory and Lorelai pass bowls of food back and forth as quickly as they can. Emily isn't at the table, since she's fielding constant phone calls from Gran. It appears Gran will be staying with Richard and Emily for a few days while her floors get redone. Richard is excited. Emily is losing it. She comes back to the table, saying that Gran recently called to find out of their towels were Egyptian cotton. This is her fortieth call of the day. Richard says it's a simple question. Emily says it's a good thing Gran asked, because they normally give their guests the towels they stole from the Holiday Inn. Rory asks if Gran misses London. "Not half as much as I do," Emily answers. Richard gives her a warning. Emily says she never really appreciated the Atlantic Ocean before, with its three thousand miles of water. Richard reminds Emily that she's talking about his mother. Emily says she's happy to have Gran stay, but she wishes Gran wouldn't interrupt the one dinner of the week that she has with her daughter and granddaughter. During this conversation, Rory and Lorelai are eating as quickly as they can, looking like Mommy's Little Piggy from A Christmas Story.
Emily asks why Rory and Lorelai are eating quickly. Lorelai lies that they aren't. Rory joins in, saying that Emily has been on the phone for a while and probably didn't notice how much they'd eaten in that time. The phone rings again. "I wonder who that could be?" Emily asks. The doorbell rings. "Well, aren't we popular?" As Emily leaves to answer the phone, Richard leaves to answer the door. Lorelai scolds Rory for giving it away, saying that Rory's eating too quickly. Rory's taking many little bites instead of fewer huge ones. Rory asks if she should risk choking to make their Friday night plans. "Exactly," Lorelai answers just before Richard returns to the table, apologizing. Emily's sarcastic level is turned up to eleven as she retells her latest phone conversation. Gran was making sure there would be soap in her guest bathroom. Emily's attention is distracted, however, when she notices that there are strangers in her house -- men moving a large mattress into the guestroom. Emily is outraged that Gran has sent her own mattress, and cannot believe that this is her life.
Richard leaves to go supervise the mattress. Emily sits back down. Lorelai and Rory seize the moment to excuse themselves, saying that Emily and Richard have a lot going on with the phone calls and the furniture guys. Emily asks what's making them so antsy. She notes that they bolted down their food, want to leave before dessert, and Rory keeps checking her pager every five minutes. The girls don't answer. Emily says they will sit there until one of them can confess what's so important. After a beat, Lorelai shouts, "She has a date!" Rory scoffs, points, and shouts that Lorelai has one, too. But Rory's is earlier, which is why they have to leave so early. But the only reason that Rory's is earlier is because she has a curfew and Lorelai doesn't, because she's a grown-up. (I know it's not apparent here, but she's legally an adult.) Emily scolds them to stop yelling. Both girls apologize. Emily reminds them that the deal was dinners on Fridays, not appearances at dinners on Fridays. She says that they will sit and eat dessert. Lorelai starts to object, but Emily threatens a game of charades if there's one more word. Both girls wait for their dessert.
Once home, the girls run through the house. Lorelai says they need to get a faster car. Rory blames Lorelai for being so late, since she's the one who asked for an additional piece of pie. Lorelai says that Rory kept making so much pointless conversation, like she was running for Miss Congeniality. Lorelai is changing clothes upstairs. She calls down to Rory, asking what time she's meeting Jess. I thought it was 8:30. Remember? Anyway, Rory says she doesn't know, but she'll find out. She goes to the answering machine. There are no messages. She checks her watch, and rubs it. Bummed out, Rory plops down on the couch. Lorelai -- who has been going on and on about her brown boots and how she can't believe they were actually in her closet when she was looking everywhere for them -- comes down the stairs to find her gloomy daughter. "He didn't call?" she asks. Rory shakes her head. Lorelai says it might be too early. She asks what time it is. "Nine-fifteen," Rory answers. He was supposed to call when he got off work, which isn't the same time every day. Lorelai says she thought they had a plan. "We did," Rory says. He was supposed to call whenever because his work time varies. Lorelai asks if the Bay of Pigs invasion was their plan as well. Rory says he'll call. Lorelai invites Rory to come out on her date, to see a movie. Yikes. Rory, thankfully, turns down the invite to be the fifth wheel with mommy's new boy toy. Lorelai makes Rory promise not to sit at home all night staring at the phone. Rory turns on the television and stares at that instead. "Happy?" she asks. "Delirious," Lorelai answers. She groans, saying she shouldn't have had that second piece of pie. Rory tells Lorelai to bring her some Milk Duds. "It's a plan!" Lorelai shouts as she runs out of the house.
The day, on the walk to Luke's, Rory goes over her list of things she did while she waited for the phone to ring. She cleaned out her hard drive, cleaned the hair and dust out of her keyboard, watched television, did her homework, proofread articles for The Franklin, organized Lorelai's sock drawer, and returned emails. Lorelai asks whether it ever occurred to Rory to call Jess herself. "No," Rory says, because she's the opposite of a teenage girl. "Because he said he'd call me," Rory adds. Decades of advancement, erased in a single Friday night. Lorelai asks if Rory's going to chew Jess out, or at least mention the fact that he stood her up. Rory asks, "Why should I?" Ugh. She is not her mother's daughter.
Rory and Lorelai turn to look at the front of Stars Hollow High. Did you know it was right there at the Town Square? Anyway, it's been toilet-papered by the Wildcats, the team from a rival high school. Rory and Lorelai wave to Dean, who is in charge of standing on a ladder, pulling down pieces of paper. Lorelai wishes him good luck tonight. Dean gives a "We're gonna lose, but thanks" hand gesture back. Rory says that when Dean said he'd call, he always called. Lorelai warns Rory not to do this -- not to compare Jess to Dean, because it's going to be a poor comparison. She says that Dean was a really, really good first boyfriend, and that for most girls, their first boyfriend is someone like...Jess. She doesn't say "Jess," however. She tells the story of Brian Hutchence in the seventh grade, who asked Lorelai to go steady and then never talked to her again until the tenth-grade Sadie Hawkins dance, where he tried to sell her an overpriced dime bag. She says that's what most of us had to put up with, not the perfection that was CuteDean. Hear, hear. The girls walk in a strange place right here, and you can see the mountains of Burbank over their shoulders. Rory asks if this is just the way it is and she has to accept it. Lorelai says that she just has to remember that every guy is different, so she should give Jess a chance to explain before she freezes him out. Rory wasn't going to freeze him out, Lorelai. She was just going to smile when he looked at her and pretend her feelings were never hurt.
Rory and Lorelai enter Luke's. Jess tells them to sit anywhere. Rory and Lorelai decide that was enough time for him to explain, apologize, or at least make up a quick lie for an excuse. He didn't do any of the three. "How dare he not lie to you?" Lorelai says. Luke walks over with two coffee mugs, happy to see two people who don't give a damn about hockey. He's a little jealous of the attention, you see. When he was in high school, his track team went to state three times in four years, but nobody cared. Lorelai explains that's because track is for dorks. Rory, head dork of Stars Hollow, agrees. Luke declares the conversing part of the morning to be over. Rory and Lorelai give their orders. Rory is getting muffins for Lane's band. Wait, is it Saturday or Sunday? Forget it. Jess immediately brings over the muffins. Rory thanks him and then tells Lorelai she'll see her later. After she leaves, Jess asks Lorelai if she and Rory are in a fight. Lorelai informs Jess that he's the one in the fight. She asks if they had plans last night. Jess says he just said he'd call Rory after work. He had to work another shift and didn't get off until after midnight, when it was too late to call. Lorelai can't believe he couldn't take five minutes to call her up and tell her. I can't believe Rory can't take five minutes to walk down to Luke's and have an ice cream sundae while making small talk with her boyfriend as he wipes down the counter. That's what any other teenage girl would do. Do you know how many boyfriends would get jobs at the movie theater just so we worked together all day? That's what you do. That's teenage love. Lorelai asks if she should get Michael Moore on the phone, since he doesn't get breaks, food, water, or shelter. Jess gives her the blow-off: "Whatever. I gotta unload some boxes." Burn.
Lane quickly explains to Rory that MamaLane has booked Dave and his Christian Trio at one of her functions. They think this is great because now MamaLane will love Zach and Brian like she loves Dave.
Inside the garage, Zach (I'll stop calling him "my friend, Todd Lowe" now, mostly because "Zach" is faster to type) and Brian are trying to figure out a hymn. Zach complains about the word "bulwark," which he's never heard of. He thinks that word is "gay." Brian says it's probably a sin to call a hymn "gay." Zach says he's totally not saying "bulwark," and proceeds to rewrite the hymn.
Outside, Rory asks if Lane gets to watch Dave and play with his trio tonight instead of banging drums. Dave explains that Lane has a date tonight, with Jung Chu. He's taking her to the hockey game. Dave says this is the first of three dates. They've planned it all out. Jung Chu will break her heart and she'll be crushed, making MamaLane feel so guilty for setting her up with him that she'll let her date Dave, who's the nice young boy who can be trusted around antique furniture. "Dave has a natural gift for subterfuge," Lane explains. Dave says that's a compliment from the master. I wish we got to see the two of them alone sometimes, so we can see just how much they like each other. Whenever they're together we have to watch them pretend not to like each other. Dave takes the muffins inside. (Dirty!) Lane tells Rory she would have come up with a plan herself, but she let Dave take credit. Why not? That's what girls in Stars Hollow do. "Men sometimes need that," Rory says. Oh, shut up, Rory.
Zach is totally unhappy with the hymn. Dave comes in to break up the "fight." Zach can't understand the words, since they're either in Latin nor written by the Pope. Brian just wants to know where his lemon poppy seed muffin and coffee are. Zach says a word that sends me to the dictionary, and I'm sure Todd Lowe had to do the same: "Elevenses." Even my spellcheck is like, "Um, I'm not British. Piss off." The closed captioning said "11cc's." Anyway, any trio discussing "bulwark" can't just toss off "elevenses."
The closed captioning also calls him Young Chui. Oh, I like my Jung Chu spelling. I'm keeping it. Lane explains to Rory that Jung Chu has a girlfriend already -- a Japanese girl named Karen whom his parents don't approve of, so this is all a big lie so Lane and Jung Chu can both date their secret loves. "He's the male me," she says. Lane invites Rory and Jess to come along to the hockey game tonight. Rory says she's not sure what they're doing tonight. Rory and Lane walk into the garage in time to hear the reworking of the hymn, this time about the devil and high walls. "What hymn is that?" Rory asks. "I have no idea," Lane answers. Wah...wah...wah...waaaaaaaaah!
Independence Inn. Taylor has passed out itineraries to his family. He's explaining where the map is located. One guy asks why Taylor drew his store so big in comparison to the other buildings in Stars Hollow. Another wants to know why Taylor put so many "P's" in "Soda Shoppe." "Is that supposed to be fancy or something?" he asks.
At the front desk, things aren't any easier. One Doose's a real dozy, asking Michel if he's French. "You talk funny. You from France?" Michel tries to get through his spiel without actually insulting the patron, but it's not easy, since the guy spent time in France after The Big One. He says that there's nothing nice about war, and that if it wasn't for him, Michel would be speaking German now. Michel throws the room key at the man. ["I'll bet Michel can speak German, anyway." -- Wing Chun]
Lorelai is giving the shuttle driver instructions about the luggage. Taylor walks up to ask a question, but Taylor's older brother, Doug, swipes it from his hands. Doug says that nobody wants to do the crap on the itinerary. Why would they take a tour of Stars Hollow when most of them grew up in the town? He tells everybody to meet in the lobby in two hours for the van to the game. "You're late, you're walking," he says. He balls up Taylor's itinerary and puts it in Taylor's hand. "Go back to your store and count peaches or something," he says. Oh, Taylor's the youngest. Poor Taylor. Doug leaves to take a nap.
Lorelai doesn't get very far before Emily appears as if from a puff of smoke. She wants to schedule a meeting for her DAR girls, and wanted to make sure the Inn was just as charming as she remembered. Lorelai writes the appointment in the Inn's datebook. She tries to walk away, but Emily is still standing, stalling, looking forlorn and miserable. She confesses that Gran has kicked her out of the house, and sent her on a huge list of errands because she's having ladies over ("Her bitter old biddies club!") that evening and needs the house to be perfect, since Emily apparently keeps it in shambles. Lorelai reminds Emily that it's only for a few days. Emily tells her that she has to buy new flowers, because her flowers are too tall, and apparently it's ostentatious to have such tall flowers in the house. Lorelai confesses that she's been meaning to tell Emily that for a while now. Hee. Emily says she has to get new towels, highball glasses, and four very specific kinds of cheese. She has to find a slide projector, but she doesn't know where to find one. She gets very worked up and Lorelai calms her down. Emily says that she's sensitive because Richard's been travelling now more than he ever did, and she misses him, but now that he's home, all of his time is occupied by Gran. "I sound like a spoiled high-school girl," Emily says. No -- for that, you should probably borrow some of Rory's lines. Lorelai, for whatever reason, has a slide projector, and offers to bring it over to Emily's tonight. Emily says she really appreciates this and couldn't be more grateful. Lorelai asks Emily to wait while she gets a tape recorder for that last sentence.
MamaLane's. Dave, Zach, and Brian are all set up. MamaLane asks where his tambourine is. Dave says they don't have one. "time bring one," MamaLane says as she goes to answer the door. Zach says that MamaLane reminds him of the drill instructor from Full Metal Jacket. I wish they didn't punctuate all of Zach's lines with the word "dude." Jung Chu's at the front door with flowers for Lane. Lane comes down the stairs and says hello. MamaLane takes a picture. "Don't smile," she says. "Very nice. That one's for the grandchildren." Dave watches in the background. Lane says they'd better hurry so they aren't late for the game. MamaLane says she'll put the flowers in a vase by Lane's bed. Why doesn't Lane even glance in Dave's direction? Say goodbye? Some acknowledgment? Lane says they'll be home by 9. MamaLane says she can come home whenever, and tells them to go. Lane and Jung Chu leave. Dave looks pretty unhappy.
I guess it doesn't matter what time it is, really. Sookie finds Lorelai and says it's a good thing she hadn't left the Inn yet. Emily called to borrow their serving dishes, since apparently hers are tacky. Lorelai calls Gran a "relentless old broad." Lorelai calls home, and is shocked to find Rory answering. She asks what Rory's doing there. Rory says she lives there. Lorelai says she was calling to check messages. Rory says that nobody's called, and this is the first time the phone's rung all day. Lorelai tells Rory to get out of the house. It's 6 on a Saturday night and Rory has spent a day and a night waiting for Jess to call. She can't be the kind of girl who gets all mad in her head and then forgets everything once he deigns to show up. She tells Rory to go to the hockey game with Lane and Lane's fake boyfriend. Rory doesn't think she'll like hockey, but Lorelai says there will be cheerleaders and field goals and Shaq and a million other things that have nothing to do with hockey. She tells Rory not to care if Jess calls. Rory gets all excited, like the coach just gave her a halftime speech. She hangs up the phone, determined to be a single girl out on the town. Carrie Bradshaw, she ain't.
Emily walks up to the front of her house and enters, her hands full of groceries. She takes a few steps into the foyer and stops, shocked. We see what she sees: Gran is in the living room in front of the fire, kissing....Barney? Or a woman in a purple track suit? Grimace? I guess it's supposed to be an older man in a purple suit, but why such a bizarre suit? Is he related to Liberace? It's all so disturbing. Emily quietly backs out of the house, trying not to be noticed. "Oh, my," she breathes.
The hockey game. Jung Chu is on his cell phone. I take back what I said about Miss Patty lip-synching last week now that I hear her and Babette singing "The Star Spangled Banner" right before the start of the hockey game. The Stars Hollow Minutemen sure have fancy uniforms. And where is this rink? Where is it normally? Oh, whatever. Oh, it's on the rival team's turf. Okay. I guess that's why Miss Patty and Babette get to sing the...forget it.
Rory walks up to Lane. She's amazed that it's so cold, that there's really ice, and that a game called hockey actually exists. Lane asks Rory what she's doing there. "I'm hockeying," Rory answers. Lane says that's not a word. Rory asks why the crowd's so sparse. Lane says there's a monster-truck rally in Woodbury, which pulls a lot of the same crowd. Hey, that's not true. Lane asks where Jess is. Rory says she doesn't know, and she doesn't care. She's out without Mr. Big tonight, a single girl on the town. I can't believe she doesn't at least complain to Lane about how lame Jess is being with this whole "I don't need to call you, babe" routine. She says that everything's fine and she wanted to see some hockey. Lane explains that Jung Chu is on the phone with Karen, who isn't too pleased that he's going out with other girls, even if it's only to please his parents, so he's spending the entire date talking to her, consoling her. She says that Karen isn't as cool as Dave. Rory says that Dave is pretty cool. Lane says he's the coolest to Jess. Whatever. Rory makes pretty much the same sound as I did when Lane implies that Jess is cooler than anybody. CuteDean screeches to a stop on the ice and gives Rory a CuteWave. Oh, Rory. How everyone loves you unconditionally.
The game commences, with Kirk's deadpan, "People of Stars Hollow! Are you ready to rumblllllllllle!" I love Kirk. Give him the spin-off. Kirk's Day, we'll call it, and we just see him go from job to job. Is Dean the center? Oh, that poor Texas boy, having to pretend he knows what he's doing. Kirk announces that the first quarter has begun. He then backtracks, after checking his Hockey for Dummies book, and says they are periods, not quarters. "My bad," he says.
"So this is sports," Rory says to Lane, unamused. Lane gives a sympathetic look back.
The Christian Trio is rocking the hizzy for shizzy, y'alls. Zach sings a country "Amazing Grace." And it's electric, I guess, but I don't see the amps. MamaLane gives them a fifteen-minute break to retune. Dave excuses himself for some air. Zach teases his vocal patterns.
Outside, Dave debates for about five seconds before breaking into a sprint, running to the rival high school hockey rink.
At the concession stand, Lane is on the phone telling Karen that she's not interested in Jung Chu at all, even though he's cute, because she has a boyfriend. Then she has to apologize for calling Jung Chu cute. "Hey! Koreans do not have problems!" she argues before handing the phone back to Jung Chu. An incredibly tall blonde girl then just skips right up to Rory and Lane before stopping all obvious-like and going, "Oh." She holds one styrofoam cup in her hand. Rory's all smiles and happiness, informing all of us that this girl is named Lindsay, and that Rory hasn't seen her since she went to Stars Hollow High three years ago. But you know, they're old friends. Lindsay's a bit uncomfortable. Rory thinks that everybody wants to know her opinion on everything, so she gives it. Rory asks what Lindsay's been up to for three years. Lindsay's all, "Oh, you know. The usual. School." Giving your boyfriend the handjobs and French kisses you didn't do for three years. Lane then reminds us all for no reason that she still goes to school with Lindsay. Lindsay tells Rory that it was good seeing her again, but that she should be getting back. Lindsay leaves, and Rory and Lane go straight to dishing about her, wondering why she's being so weird and evasive. Isn't it true that you haven't spoken to her in three years? What did you think, Rory, she'd just girl-talk at your feet, so incredibly excited to catch up after all this time? She's busy. With her own life. Just call your boyfriend and leave everyone alone. Rory can't believe that Lindsay would be upset that they didn't keep in touch when Rory switched schools, especially since they weren't really good friends. Then why are you even bothering? Isn't this a town of, like, three thousand people? I'm sure this isn't the first time you've bumped into her. Lane says that Lindsay might be one of the girls who started hating Rory once she went to Chilton and got all snobby. Yay. People hate Rory.
Dave runs in at this point, asking where Jung Chu is. Lane points to Jung Chu, who's way far away, talking to his girlfriend. Dave asks how the game's going. The other team is winning. Lane asks what he's doing there. Dave says he was on a quick break, but since the house is more than a mile away, he'd better go now. He runs away without even sneaking a quick kiss from his girlfriend. I don't understand these kids, for real. Rory tells Lane that Dave's jealous. Lane celebrates. "You've worked your womanly wiles on him, Lane Kim," Rory says. She should know, Queen of the Extended Love Triangle. Lane says she's never made somebody jealous before. She says she feels so powerful. Rory tells her to remember that there's cute jealous, and then there's Othello. Rory asks who else thinks she's a snob. Let's consider that a forum shout-out, okay?
Lorelai's about to leave her house, but there's a knock at the front door. It's Jess, who finally decides to just show up, whatever, ready to pick up his girl who'd better have dinner ready and a nice dress on. Lorelai can't believe that Jess would think Rory would still be sitting around. She would be, actually, if Lorelai hadn't told her to leave. Jess asks where she is. Lorelai says she's at the hockey game, which Jess doesn't believe at first. He asks why Lorelai's hassling him. She says he should call Rory. "Hey," he says. "Rory knows I'm not the kind of guy who lives by a schedule." Except your Wal-Mart schedule, right, inventory boy? Shut up and be a boyfriend. Lorelai says that a guy who doesn't live by a schedule ends up talking to his girlfriend's mother on a Saturday night. Jess gives another "whatever" and walks off. Lorelai says if he likes music so much, he should take a (wordy) tip from the Beach Boys: "None of the guys go steady because it wouldn't be right to leave their best girls home on a Saturday night." She says that Rory is one of the best girls, and Jess seems to have no idea how to treat her. She's basically telling Jess to break up with Rory, isn't she? Jess says he's got Lorelai to tell him how to treat Rory. Lorelai says she's not doing it anymore. "I'll tell her you stopped by," she says. "Don't bother," Jess brats. Well, great. I'm so done with this, aren't you? As Lorelai closes the front door, she mumbles that Brian Hutchence is looking pretty good right about now.
Coming back from the concession stand, Rory has her hands full of food. She says that if she'd known that sports had so much junk food involved, she'd have gone to a lot more games. Lane says that there's something satisfying about watching other people exercise while you eat bad food. Kirk gets on the microphone here, saying there are ten minutes until the period. He explains that they are called "periods" and not "halves," and that the puck should never be referred to as "the ball." He apologizes once again for his earlier mistakes. Rory and Lane stop walking when they see CuteDean skate over to Lindsay for a real kiss. How is she on the ice? And, when CuteDean waved at Rory earlier, was Lindsay furious?
Hey, that commercial for The Lone Ranger movie, with Philllipppe? Does that close-up of the horse's undercarriage gross anyone else out like it does me? I'm trying to drink coffee, here. Ew.
So, the hockey game. Kirk tries to do color commentary, but he ends up just saying who has the puck and who's pushing the puck ("He's skating, he's skating") and then who has the puck . Dean skates up to Kirk's window and says quickly and politely, "Some of the guys? Not me, but some of the guys say they're gonna rip your head off if you don't shut up, okay?" Kirk pauses for a short break.
Lindsay's stuck in a cliché, with girls all around her as she wears Dean's letter jacket. All the girls are so proud of Lindsay for dating Dean that Lindsay must over-mime over-enthusiastically, pointing in Dean's direction. Lane asks Rory if she's sure she's okay, and Rory asks Lane to stop asking her that every five seconds. Lindsay clasps her hands and holds them to her heart as Rory says that Dean obviously had to get another girlfriend eventually and couldn't just sit around pining for her. Rory says she's a little upset, but that Lindsay's nice. Lane says that this is all her fault for not knowing this was happening. She says she won't study or take classes anymore so she doesn't miss such newsworthy events anymore. Kirk asks the hockey players if they wouldn't mind explaining to him what's going on.
Emily's. Lorelai tries to sneak in, drop off her things, and then leave, but Emily catches her and invites her in to meet everybody.
Gran's biddy friends are scoffing at some kind of obscene Picasso slide as they hold it to the light: "It has six breasts!" Emily introduces Lorelai. Gran introduces Lorelai to everybody and reminds Emily that they are waiting for their iced tea. Emily says it's on its way. "So is death," Gran jokes. Lorelai says she doesn't want to interrupt anything. "You are interrupting nothing but thirst, my dear," Gran says. Emily rolls her eyes. Gran asks what it's like being young. Lorelai says it's not nearly as much fun since the mandatory sunscreen rule was created. Crickets. Tough room. The iced tea shows up, but Gran declares it too warm. Emily gets up to add ice to the glass, and as she does she begins humming a little tune: "Love in the Afternoon." Gran asks Emily why she's singing. Emily pretends she doesn't know she was singing. She hands the tea back and hopes it's cold enough. Lorelai offers to set up the slide projector. Emily begins singing again, and asks Gran if she's familiar with the song "Love in the Afternoon," because it's been stuck in her head since she saw the movie the other day. "I mean, what else could it be?" she asks Gran, moving in all creepy-like. "Hmm?" Lorelai asks Emily to go get some cheese with her in the other room.
In the kitchen, Lorelai asks what's going on. "I saw her kissing a man!" Emily celebrates. She tells Lorelai what she saw. Lorelai asks if he was hot. "Excuse me?" Emily asks. Lorelai says she doesn't know what else to say when she hears her grandmother was kissing someone. Emily says she couldn't see him around Gran's sucking face. She says that Gran didn't see her. Emily hid in the bushes until he left. Lorelai is happy to have two really good visuals in her head. Emily says this is wonderful because now she has something on Gran after all these years. She now has the upper hand and that woman will go down. Lorelai tells Emily she can't use this against Gran. Emily says she can, and that she earned it. Lorelai says she knows Gran gives Emily a hard time, but that she must have been keeping this private for a reason. Emily says that Gran is probably embarrassed: "She should be. He was dressed like a bookie." Lorelai tells Emily she has to be the better person here. Emily says she doesn't. Lorelai can't believe Emily is going to humiliate Gran in front of her friends and family. Emily says that this isn't fair. Lorelai says that Gran will be back in her own house soon, and Emily just has to hang on until then. Emily says they should go back in and get the evening over with.
Why is one of the old biddies wearing a clown neck ruffle? They're grilling Richard for getting home so late. He says that's one of the pitfalls of staring your own business. Gran says that if Emily could serve her meals on time, Richard would have more of a reason to come home early. "I saw her kissing a man in a track suit!" Emily shouts. One by one the room gives a shocked, heart-stopping reaction. The clown lady almost chokes on her tongue.
Kirk wraps up the hockey game. Stars Hollow lost 5-1. As the crowd empties out, Kirk gives the hopeful wish that in another forty years, Stars Hollow might have another shot at victory. He then realizes that he'll be very old then, and most of the people in the room will be dead: "Taylor, you'll be dead. Babette. Miss Patty."
Rory tells Lane that she can't run home with her because of the cheese in her stomach. Lane leaves so that Rory can have a moment alone with Dean, who doesn't seem to have his girlfriend around very often. Lindsay and Jess are perhaps cut from the same cloth. Rory stammers quite a bit, unable to figure out what you say to someone after they lose a big game. This raises an interesting point. Dean obviously plays sports, and I'm sure he plays basketball. How come Rory's never had to go to one of his games and deal with girls swooning all over him? Rory says she liked all the eating and Kirk's babbling. Dean says she could probably get rid of the sports part of it and still have a great time. They get all weird when Rory brings up Lindsay, and Dean apologizes for not having told Rory about her sooner. Rory says she's a great girl: "She's cute and smart and really nice." CuteDean says he knows. Rory turns his girlfriend into a story about herself. Rory pats his shoulder and tells him he did a good job. Dean asks how Jess is. Rory stammers that he's good, but this kind of thing isn't his thing. Dean says he's got to go change and then he's going out with Lindsay. He leaves.
Rory runs straight to a pay phone and calls Jess's answering machine. She says she wants him to know this is the last weekend she sits around like an idiot, hoping he'll call. She says she's not going to be that girl. From now on, they'll make plans, and they'll stick to them. She's tired of hearing "Let's hook up later." She can't set her watch to "later." "Later" doesn't "cut it" anymore: "And, yeah, you know, maybe I am spoiled. But guess what? I like being spoiled. I plan to go on being spoiled. And if that doesn't sound like something that you can or want to do, then fine. I'm sure you'll find another girl who doesn't mind sitting around cleaning her keyboard on a Friday night." (Dirty!) She slams down the phone. Got that, Ross? Rachel is over you. ["And that is what we call...closure." -- Wing Chun]
But outside, Jake Ryan is sitting on his Porsche, ready for Sam's sister's wedding to end. He says he just got two tickets to the Distillers. He didn't call, you see, because he was waiting in line. Where's this concert? New York? And he wasn't waiting in line, he was at Rory's house just an hour ago. He says the concert is for tonight, so they should probably get going. Oh, Jess is so that guy -- the guy who knows he just has to do one huge gesture, and lets all of his bad deeds slide for the couple of months, knowing that the one grand gesture of love is his safety net for all the crap he'll pull. ["Plus that gesture wasn't near good enough to excuse all his crap, anyway." -- Wing Chun] I dated That Guy, Rory. It gets old, sifting through the bullshit, waiting for his random acts of love. You'll never get what you want. You'll never be loved enough. It's because you never had a dad, I get it, I understand, and you had to work really hard to get Christopher's attention. But Jess is going to be just as unreliable, and one day he'll have a family with someone else -- a family he'll choose over you. Again. Break up. With Jess. Now. Instead, Rory tells Jess not to check his messages when he gets home.
Gran is resting from such a horrible embarrassment. Emily enters, bringing aspirin, and apologizes for what she said. She says she had no right to humiliate Gran in front of her friends and Richard. She says she is truly sorry. She asks why Gran didn't tell anyone about him. Gran says she was married once. She married Richard's father and he was her husband and she has no desire to marry again and dishonor his memory. She believes that a woman marries for life, but after he's gone, if you desire some attachment, add an addition to the house -- a library or solarium. She has a library and a solarium, and found herself getting lonely. So she met this man many years ago, and he became her companion. Tonight they were publicly humiliated, and their relationship altered forever: "Can you imagine how that feels?" Emily says she's had a little experience being humiliated in front of the people she loves. She says she knows Gran's pride is important and didn't mean to rob Gran of it. Emily feels terrible. But she wishes that once in a while Gran felt bad for causing her pain. "I have pride too, you know," Emily tells her. Emily misses Richard and she's lonely sometimes, just like Gran. "Well," Gran says.
Downstairs, Lorelai packs up her projector (dirty!) and tells Richard that it was quite a gathering. Richard is staring straight ahead, stone-faced. Lorelai sits down and says that this would make a great Christmas story, even though it didn't happen at Christmas, but they could say it was at Christmas and nobody would probably question it, except I would, because they're Jewish. ["They are?" -- Wing Chun] Lorelai tells Richard to cut Emily some slack on this, because she's really missed him lately. Richard starts laughing. He asks if Lorelai thinks he was wearing a track suit. "I wonder if he was wearing Nikes also." Lorelai says it gives new meaning to "Just Do It." Ew. And also: Boo. Richard laughs that he has a new daddy. Lorelai hopes he'll take Richard to ball games. Ew. Richard says he wishes he'd seen Emily hiding in the bushes: "It's like a play by Molière." Emily comes downstairs and asks what everyone's laughing about. Richard and Lorelai stop and say nothing. Emily tells them she doesn't want to interrupt; she was only coming by to get some tea for her and Gran. She leaves, and Lorelai and Richard worry that Gran and Emily being pals might not be such a good thing. Emily comes back and heads upstairs, grumbling that Gran sent a maid in to tell her how to make tea, as if she wouldn't know after all these years. Richard decides he doesn't have anything to worry about.
Lorelai is eating Chinese food when Rory gets home at what must be a ridiculous hour if she saw a late concert. Wouldn't she also smell like smoke? Rory tells Lorelai that they lost the hockey game. She's really evasive and says she wants to go to bed. Lorelai wants to tell the big story about tonight, but Rory is too busy lying, saying she spent the evening with Lane, and now she's beat and would rather hear the story tomorrow. Lorelai tries to entice her with the words "track suit," but it doesn't work. Now, I know there's been much discussion on the forums that Rory's being evasive because she had sex with Jess. I'm sure that didn't happen, because she wouldn't just have sex with Jess in a car. But is she lying because Lorelai was right and Rory has become a hollow shell of a woman without one ounce of backbone; or because she was out late with Jess thinking about having sex with him; or because she doesn't want Lorelai to encourage her to break up with Jess, since she's now thinking about doing it? I think she's just embarrassed by the way she totally let Jess boss her around all weekend and thanked him by sneaking out and lying about it. ["I thought she was still thinking about Dean and his new girlfriend. I would be, if I were her and dating Jess. Not that I ever would date Jess." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, Lorelai's concerned with the way Rory just walked off.
Rory mopes over to her bed and lies down, arms crossed. She pouts and pouts and pouts. What to do when everyone loves you? What to do, indeed.
week, the WB wants us to think Rory's going to have sex. I'm not buying it. They lie week after week. I bet Michel's just got a hangnail.