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Previously: Rory got into an accident when Jess drove her car. This caused Luke and Lorelai to get into a huge argument. Luke sent Jess back to New York. CuteDean appears to be very understanding about the entire thing. It's like we didn't even need last week's episode.
Rory and Lorelai are walking to their newest breakfast destination. Lorelai won't tell Rory exactly where they're going, and Rory moans that they've been walking for miles. Again I wonder just how early they get up in the morning to avoid pouring themselves bowls of cereal. Lorelai tells Rory that it's an "amazing" new mystery place that she just found. Well, get that "amazing" quotient out of the way very early, why don't you. Rory asks if it's in the town. Lorelai says they don't patronize the town since that town fed lead to Stars Hollow's jumping frog. Lane runs up and begs them to stop. "Oh, my God, it's Michael Landon," Lorelai says. I'm really not sure what that means. Is Lane running down a Highway To Heaven? Is that a Little House on the Prairie joke? Lane says she's been running after them for the past two blocks. Maybe she should have tried calling out their names. Rory says that Lorelai's hunch was right: they were being followed. Lorelai says that maybe time Rory'll believe her when Lorelai says the furniture moved on its own. Rory tells Lane that they're off to a mystery breakfast. "Out of town?" Lane asks. Lorelai moans that nobody ever remembers the definition of "mystery." Lane asks if she can practice drumming on Lorelai's pots and pans again this morning. When does Lane's school start? Look, I had to be at school at 7:35. I lived fifteen minutes away from the school with a five-minute walk from the parking lot, to my locker, to my first-period class. I woke up at 7:00. Usually I didn't go to sleep until 1 or 2 AM because I'd be up doing homework and talking to boys on the phone. It must be five in the morning when these girls get up. No wonder they need so much coffee. Lane says she's getting better at the drums, and soon she won't hit her face with the sticks so often. Lorelai tells Lane that the spare key is in the turtle, but by now everyone in Stars Hollow and all of us know exactly how to break into the Gilmore home if we have to. And I'm not giving spoilers because I don't read them, but I bet Jess knows exactly how to put his hand in Rory's turtle, if you know what I'm sayin'. Lorelai tells Rory that they don't have much further to go. Rory notes that they aren't headed towards any businesses. Lorelai stops and turns. She announces that they have arrived. Rory tells Lorelai, "You are without shame."
“ Lorelai asks what's wrong with 'Narcoleptic Nate.' It's Jackson, asleep on his hand, exhausted from having to get up early to entertain his fiancée's needy friends. ”
Rory and Lorelai are at Sookie's house. You'd think smart Rory would have figured that one out about half a block ago. Rory tells Sookie that she didn't have to do all of this. Sookie's just happy to cook, since it affords her the precious few screen minutes she gets. She says she loves feeding her girls and making them happy. I'm eating a frosted fake Pop-Tart this morning, which not only goes really well with Gilmore Girls but is exactly what I'd imagine Rory and Lorelai would have on mornings when Lorelai and Luke are giving each other the cold shoulder. And you know what? Some of my Pop-Tart burned in the toaster. I don't have any more fake Pop-Tarts. This is all I get. This is my lot in life. Burned fake Pop-Tarts as I furiously finish my Gilmore Girls recap because I was sick earlier after a horrible day of plumbers when my downstairs bathroom decided to run all water the wrong direction. But do you see me demanding that my friends get up hours early to fix food for my daughter and me? I'm sure Chilton has a breakfast hour, as well. Too bad Rory can't get to school on time since she no longer has a car of her own. Rory comments that she feels guilty. Lorelai tells her that eating drowns the guilt. Lorelai asks what's wrong with "Narcoleptic Nate." It's Jackson, asleep on his hand, exhausted from having to get up early to entertain his fiancée's needy friends. All Jackson can do is make a moaning noise. Sookie says that Jackson isn't a morning person. Jackson moans again. Sookie says it takes about an hour for Jackson to become Jackson. Lorelai says it sounds like Jackson's suffering from some indigestion. Lorelai says she has an idea about the wedding. Instead of tiny wrapped Jordan Almonds at every place setting (I've never heard of such a custom), she suggests tiny packages of aspirin for the morning-after hangover. Sookie laughs and says it's funny. "'Cause Jordan Almonds are sodone," Lorelai says. Hey, Lorelai, why don't you plan your own wedding? Oh, you already did it but we didn't see any of it and then you dropped it at the last minute? I keep forgetting. Lorelai asks Jackson if he's into the aspirin idea. Jackson only moans. She asks if that's a yes. Sookie says that everything takes time to register with Jackson, and that he'll finally chime in his opinion in a few days. My favorite line of the episode goes to Lorelai only three minutes in: "Hey, is Jackson in the house? Lemme hear ya say, 'Unnnh!'" Jackson moans in reply. Lorelai is happy about her new toy. Rory half-scolds her mother yet again, and we go to opening credits.
Since Lorelai hasn't discussed her business class in about a year, she's suddenly cramming for finals. You know, the class that used to be on Wednesday nights, but as of last week is now on Saturdays? Now she has multiple classes and is getting a degree. They didn't tell us these things before. Lorelai moans that her head is now full and she can't study anymore. She compares her brain to Shea Stadium when the Beatles played. Rory tells Lorelai to close her eyes and take a break. Rory is wearing the ugliest shirt I've ever seen. It makes her look four months pregnant. Lorelai says that if she clears her head, she'll erase all the work she's done stuffing it full of facts she hasn't bothered to learn in the two years she's been taking one class a week. Lorelai says she's glad she's graduating because all of this school and learning has taught her that she despises academics. Rory gives a little "learning is fun" PSA and adds that since she's a minor, she's got no choice but to learn every day. Lorelai moans that she did this to herself, that she's a masochist. I can hear the plumbers downstairs and I think they just unclogged whatever was messing up the entire downstairs line. The sound of that snake and the water jerking around pulling sewage out of my shower is making me regret eating fake Pop-Tarts. Ugh. But yet, I still must recap! Yes! Through sickness and in health. Rory says that diploma on the wall will make this all worth it. Lorelai: "I guess. Unless I turn into John Nash and start drooling on people." Is she thinking of Awakenings?
“ Lorelai says she humiliated the two proudest people in the world by spoiling their plans. Oh, my God, she's still going on. You all get it, right? ”
Rory suddenly realizes that there's going to be a graduation ceremony. Lorelai tries to blow it off, saying it's no big deal and that there might be a ceremony but it's nothing. Rory says that it's totally not nothing and that everyone should go to Lorelai's graduation ceremony. By the way, Rory's wearing CuteDean's bracelet, for those of you keeping score. Lorelai says that the only reason she didn't have a graduation ceremony before in her life was that her stupid conservative high school wouldn't let her breast-feed onstage. Rory says that Lorelai has earned this ceremony and that deep down she wants to do this. Lorelai admits that she has always wanted to wear one of those gowns and the hat with the tassel, since she loves fringe. Rory says they'll call out Lorelai's name and people will clap and there's a diploma. Lorelai adds that she'll get to move the tassel from one side to the other, which is very dramatic. Rory decides it's official, and that Lorelai's going to her graduation ceremony. She asks who Lorelai wants to invite. Lorelai says she doesn't need anyone there other than Rory. But Rory mentions Sookie and Jackson. Lorelai says that'd be fun. Rory asks about Richard and Emily. Lorelai says the word "no" several times. She says that her parents wouldn't want to be there. She was supposed to graduate from high school, go to Vassar, marry a Yale man and get a proper nickname like "Babe" or "Bunny" or "Shih tzu." But instead she got pregnant, didn't finish high school, didn't marry Christopher, and ended up in a job that "Jessica Hahn would think was beneath her." Hey. My mom had your job, lady. You calm down. Lorelai says she humiliated the two proudest people in the world by spoiling their plans. Oh, my God, she's still going on. You all get it, right? She broke their hearts and she thinks they'll never forgive her. She's still going on about this. Still. I'm typing and she's still talking about it. Like we didn't know this entire paragraph after the second episode of this show's existence. Rory says that Lorelai might be wrong, since it was a long time ago. Did Rory just get here? Because I think we've been down this road many, many times before. Lorelai says she doesn't want her parents to go to the graduation ceremony, because it would just hurt all of them. Well, that's it. Rory's going to have to directly disobey her mother's orders. Rory tells Lorelai to get back to studying. Lorelai moans that she's already forgotten everything she read in the last few hours. She says she may have forgotten everything she's ever known. She grabs Rory's bad arm and asks, "Child? What be your name?" Rory tells her to study. Lorelai pouts. Oh, man. That scene was long.
Some random area of Stars Hollow. Lorelai and Rory are asking CuteDean to explain the concept of skeet shooting to them one more time. Every time he tries to talk, one of the girls interrupts him with some "cute" question or comment. Poor CuteDean can't even really get a word in edgewise, and it's really hard for me to believe that these two women can't get down the concept of shooting at clay pigeons. Also? Time to change Rory's pants. Since I have the same pair, I notice when she's wearing them. I think she's worn them every episode for the past month or so. Rory and Lorelai can't stop asking if the clay pigeons are in pain when they get shot, and do they bleed and does it count as hunting if maybe they accidentally shoot something that's not made of clay, or if the shattered clay parts hit an actual pigeon. CuteDean says this is something that his father did at his age and he wants to pass the tradition down. He notes that he's only gone skeet shooting once, but that he's starting never to want to do it again because of these women. Lorelai asks if you advance to clay rhinos and tigers if you're really good at shooting the pigeons. CuteDean says he made it all up and that he's never been skeet shooting. Lorelai awkwardly detaches herself from Rory and CuteDean, saying that she suddenly needs to go into the market and that she'll catch up with them later. We watch Rory and CuteDean walk back to the house as Rory asks him would it count if he accidentally shot the person who threw the clay pigeon.