Previously: when Rory let him drive, Jess crashed the car CuteDean made. Lorelai blamed Luke for all of this. Rory still hasn't told CuteDean everything that happened. Lorelai and Luke fought. Luke shipped Jess off to New York. The world celebrated Babette's line, "Jess is gone." They use a different take of this scene in the "previously"s. I wonder when Christopher went home.
Lorelai and Rory are walking to Luke's in the morning. Rory's in her Chilton uniform. Lorelai asks if she's tilting. Rory says she isn't. Lorelai thinks she is. She asks if Rory wants to hold Lorelai's purse to even her out. Rory asks her mother to stop teasing the injured. Lorelai digs through her purse to find a pen to place on Rory's head in order to see if it rolls off. She hands her a book instead -- The Little Locksmith, it sounds like. Lorelai says she paid full-price for it, as well, at the bookstore, so Rory should be happy. Rory doesn't like used books, or wants to support local bookstores? No, that's not true, since she bought a stack of books from the library sale. Maybe Rory hates internet bookstores. Regardless, what's up with the politics all of a sudden? Rory says she feels better. Lorelai asks if she can put that pen on Rory's head now. Rory says no. She asks Lorelai what happened with Luke. Lorelai says nothing really happened. It was just a little thing: "A thinglet." Rory says they don't have thinglets very often. Lorelai says thinglets are a part of being a grownup. Rory keeps pestering, and Lorelai politely asks her to stop asking about it. Rory asks if they're on their way to Luke's. They are. Rory asks if they'll get a seat. Lorelai says they will. Rory asks if they'll have rapid, free refills. Lorelai says they might be back to that in a month. She says that she and Luke have fought before, and will fight again. Lorelai and Rory will go in today, and Luke will be crabby and Lorelai will be adorable and he'll forgive her and the fight will be history.
Lorelai stops talking when she sees that Luke's is closed. Kirk is unhappy, standing at the doorway, informing Lorelai that Luke's is closed. "Gone Fishing," the sign on the door reads. Lorelai asks if Kirk's sure Luke's is closed. Kirk says that first he read the sign on the door, and then he tried the door just in case it was all a ruse. "To keep only you out?" Lorelai asks. "There's precedent," Kirk answers. Lorelai thinks it's just great that Luke took a break when he needed it. Kirk complains that he has blood-sugar issues. Rory whines that this is all her fault, and Lorelai cuts her off in tiny sentences, insisting all the while that Rory's wrist has nothing to do with this. Why is everyone just standing around? Aren't there other diners around? Al's Pancake World or something? Doesn't anyone in this town cook? Kirk rattles the door and says that he left his wallet in there yesterday. Lorelai pats Rory on the back, and they walk away.
Rory and Lorelai have found another diner, and this one makes Lorelai grumpy. She complains that they should have to stand and wait to be seated when nobody has helped them and there are fifty empty tables around. Rory says that Lorelai is exaggerating. "One, two, three, four, fifty," Lorelai counts. Rory says someone will help them soon. Lorelai moans that they should be eating by now, and that she's hungry. They're at The Hungry Diner; Lorelai wonders if they call it that because the diner was hungry or because they keep the diner hungry. How long do they give themselves in the morning? I'd never expect them to get up so early. Lorelai calls the waitresses "paper-top turkey heads." Why does everyone on this show mistreat waitstaff, butlers, and housekeepers? Except Paris.
Before Lorelai can finish her threat, a waitress walks over to seat them. Rory tries to goad Lorelai into finishing her threat, but Lorelai says she has no idea what Rory's talking about. Then she says she's not Rory's mother. The waitress asks if Lorelai and Rory would like some coffee. "To start and finish," Lorelai says. The waitress laughs at Lorelai's joke because she's ultra-perky. She walks away, and Lorelai tells Rory that she's going to grab the waitress, hold her down, and make Rory tell the waitress ugly things about the world. Lorelai complains about the menus, and how they have pictures of food on them in case you've been living in a cave for so long that you've forgotten what pancakes look like. The waitress brings over two cups for coffee, and Lorelai instantly starts complaining that the coffee cups aren't big enough and that she'll need a larger mug, a carafe, or a bowl of coffee. The waitress says they don't have coffee bowls, so Lorelai tells her to bring three more coffee cups and to leave the coffee pot on the table. Sense of entitlement through the roof, here. I can't believe Rory doesn't get embarrassed when Lorelai acts out like this. As Rory sips her coffee, Lorelai says that it looks and smells like coffee. Rory whines that the comparison ends right there. "This sucks!" Lorelai moans. Maybe you shouldn't have told Luke to go to hell. Or here's a thought: make your own breakfast. Rory tells Lorelai to put lots of things in the coffee so that you can't taste the coffee anymore. Lorelai says she can't fit three sugars into Barbie's Malibu Dream Cup. Lorelai moans and throws her head far enough to the side that she can see Michel is the only other patron in the restaurant. She excuses herself to go bug someone else.
I can't believe Michel would eat at a diner for breakfast, or that he'd eat all by himself in this Holiday Inn Diner-looking place. Lorelai teases him for reading GQ. He asks what she's doing there. She tells him that Luke's is closed this morning. "By the health inspector, no doubt," Michel Frenches. Lorelai sits down and says, "So, this is where you have your breakfast, huh?" Michel says it was until this morning. Lorelai asks how the food is. Michel says they make an excellent egg-white/no oil omelette. "Really?" Lorelai asks. Michel doesn't take a breath as he tells her that they use a spray and asks her to leave. Lorelai asks why he never told her about this place. He says that she would come if he did, and that he likes to have a corner of his life free from her incessant screeching. Lorelai grabs a fork from another table and asks if she can have a bite of his food. "Get away from me," he says, standing up. Lorelai asks him to come and eat with her and Rory. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Michel asks. Lorelai: "No, not really." Michel storms off and Lorelai stands, beaming. Her work there is done, and all of the customers are gone. She didn't even try his omelette, since it's no fun if he's done eating it.
Returning to their table, Lorelai tells Rory she's beginning to like this place. Rory asks a favor: can Lorelai get her out of dinner tonight? CuteDean's coming home, and Rory hasn't told him about the car yet. So, he's coming home on a Friday? So the movie night was on a Thursday? And the car crash/tutoring session was on a Wednesday? Rory says she can't risk someone else telling CuteDean about what happened. I can't believe she hasn't already called him. She was in the hospital. She fractured her wrist. She totaled his car. He should know what's going on by now. Lorelai says she'll do it. She wants Rory to make things right with CuteDean. Also, it'll give Lorelai more time to work on her story about Rory's cast when Emily and Richard ask Lorelai about it. Right now, all she's got is "really big bees," so it's good that she'll have this extra time to come up with something.
Friday-night dinner. Emily asks Lorelai if Rory's got that flu that's going around. Lorelai says she must, yes, indeed, have it. Emily's friend Bunny's got it. Emily wonders if she should take a drink in to Richard in his study, since she hates to disturb him while he's working. Lorelai asks what he's doing. Emily says that he just started his own company; he rented out an office, and Richard is now President and C.E.O. of The Gilmore Group, an international insurance-consulting firm. Lorelai asks exactly what that means. Emily explains that Richard is an international insurance consultant. Lorelai asks exactly what that means. Emily says that Richard consults on international matters concerning insurance. Lorelai asks what Richard does once he sits down at his desk in the morning. Emily says that Richard consults international clients on insurance matters. Lorelai wonders why they aren't opening for Rickles. ["Third base!" -- Wing Chun]
Richard enters, upset as hell over a girl named Margie. Margie is the woman who was Richard's secretary for twenty years or something. Lorelai remembers her as "Largie Margie." Emily gives Lorelai a look. Lorelai says it was very clever when she was six. Anyway, Margie didn't accept Richard's offer to join him in his business. She's staying at Richard's old firm. Emily is outraged, saying that Richard is the only reason Margie had a job at the firm in the first place. Richard says he went to great pains reminding Margie of that fact. Emily says this is unacceptable, and that Richard and the "rotund ingrate" had an agreement. Man, if it's not one thing it's another. This show's starting in on the fat jokes more and more each week. Richard says that Margie helped with the new office and had things sent over and all she had to do was accept the formal offer to be his secretary again. Apparently, she had a problem with getting paid less money than she makes now. The nerve! Richard says that a new business takes money, and that he doesn't have enough money to pay Margie her current salary. Emily asks where her loyalties are after twenty years. Lorelai figures they're with the firm that's still paying her the same amount of cash even though Richard's not there anymore, keeping her from having to stand in line for government cheese. Richard says he doesn't know what to do now. Emily sympathizes. Richard figures that, without Margie, he simply cannot run his business. Now he doesn't even want to do it anymore. He doesn't know how he could. He wonders if it's too late to get out of the lease and close the company. Emily encourages him to look into that before he loses any more money. Lorelai asks them both to stop throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Everybody asks Lorelai what she's saying. Lorelai says that there are other options to consider, like hiring another secretary. Richard scoffs that he's had other secretaries before. There were three lousy ones before Margie came around. Emily says that Margie did everything for Richard. Lorelai says there are plenty of other Margies out there dying to be in that kind of codependent relationship. She adds that the new girl might not be named Margie, but if Richard pays her enough, she might let him call her whatever he wants. Richard says he doesn't have time to find someone new. The office is a mess. It's still in boxes. He doesn't know where anything is, and the computers aren't set up. He doesn't know how to do anything. Lorelai says she'll come over tomorrow afternoon after her business class, and she'll get him settled and have him find another Margie just as good as his last Margie. I thought her classes were on Wednesday nights. ["I can let the other time continuity issues slide, but what college course meets on a Saturday?" -- Wing Chun] Richard says he hates to see Lorelai waste her time. Lorelai says she'll blindfold him, then. She says there's another Margie out there; Richard just has to give it a chance. "Dream with me here, folks," Lorelai says. They all sip their drinks in unison.
Rory sits on CuteDean's front steps as his parents' car drives up. She holds a letter. CuteDean gets out of the driver's seat, but we see no other CuteDean family member. Maybe he's so good at building cars that he built an SUV he can drive from the passenger's seat. Oh, wait. There's a looming male figure that says, "Hi, Rory." I guess that was Dad. CuteDean immediately sees Rory's cast and asks her what happened. She hands him the letter and tells him to read. She says that all of the answers are in her letter. She won't talk to him, hasn't hugged him -- nothing. She just keeps telling him to read the letter. CuteDean opens the letter, reads the first part, and scoffs, "Well, I love you, too." She tells him to hold onto that feeling while he reads the rest of the letter. CuteDean's one of those readers who has to move his head back and forth as he reads words. It's kinda sad. CuteDean has the following reactions as he reads: "What? Huh! What? WHAT?!" Rory tells him to keep reading, since there are at least three more "what"s to go. CuteDean has no choice but to kick his duffel bag. I hope there wasn't a present for Rory in there. On second thought, I hope there was. Rory tells him that the letter gets better at the end. He glares at her, and she says she'll just stand there until he gets to that good part. CuteDean is panting as he finishes the letter, his floppy hair hanging over his eyes. He finishes the letter and stands there for a little while. Rory looks down at her shoes. CuteDean walks closer to Rory and gently asks, "Is he really gone?" Rory says he is. CuteDean invites Rory in for dinner. She's shocked. CuteDean says that his mother's making a roast and he knows Rory likes roast. ["So either his mother just got home from a trip and instead of ordering pizza or something is making a roast, or else she's been home all this time, in this tiny town, and not only (a) never heard about the accident to tell CuteDean about it, but (b) has been inside all along, and yet Rory is sitting outside on the porch. Either way, I don't buy it." -- Wing Chun] Rory can't believe CuteDean hasn't flipped out or shed a tear. She says she likes roast. CuteDean tells her to come inside. Oh, that's not going to sit well with Rory. She can't just have someone decide it's okay now that Jess is gone. She wants drama! Tears! Yelling! Breakups! She wants CuteDean to dump her. Then she's not the bad guy. She's the dumpee. Well, it's not gonna happen, Rory. You'll have to dump him if you want to get rid of CuteDean.
Lorelai is wrapping Rory's cast in plastic so that Rory can take a bath. Lorelai starts with a plastic bag over the cast. Rory reports that she and CuteDean just watched television after she told him about the accident. Lorelai tells Rory to use air quotes when she says that. Rory points out that Claire was in the room, so they really did just watch television. Why don't they ever want to kiss or make out? Then CuteDean walked Rory home and gave her a good-night kiss. He neither asked about the car, nor talked about Jess. Rory says she thought he'd want to yell and scream and break up, but instead he gave her his corn. Lorelai asks when exactly he gave her his corn. Rory says it was at dinner, and not some weird time like on his way to the bathroom or something. Rory hopefully says that it might not have sunk in yet, and that perhaps he'll be angry tomorrow. Lorelai says that CuteDean might be even more terrific than they thought he was. Rory whines that Lorelai's plastic isn't covering the entire cast. Lorelai says she's not finished yet. She stands up and grabs Saran Wrap. Rory asks if CuteDean's really okay with it. Lorelai says it sounds like he is. Rory says that if the situation were reversed, she wouldn't be okay with it. Lorelai points out that the situation wouldn't have happened in reverse, because CuteDean never would have let Jess drive the car he'd worked so hard to make. Rory is disappointedly grateful. She asks what the stacks of papers are for. They're résumés for Richard's new potential secretary. Lorelai Scotch-tapes the Saran Wrap to Rory's wrist and asks what Rory thinks. "If we were gazelles, we'd be the first ones eaten at the watering hole," Rory answers. Lorelai tells Rory to go take her shower, since she's starting to look like she's starring in an independent film. Lorelai tells Rory that CuteDean knows her, and knows she wouldn't do anything to hurt him intentionally. She tells Rory to focus on how lucky she is: "Jess is gone and now you guys can start over." ["It's like she's speaking directly to me, and yet I don't believe her." -- Wing Chun] This seems to please Rory. Lorelai tells Rory that even though the box says it's safe, she'd prefer that Rory keep her arm out of the microwave for at least a week. Rory heads up for her shower as Lorelai goes back to poring over résumés.
Richard's messy office. Lorelai enters and calls out to Richard. "Let me guess," she says. "The Wu-Tang Clan had the office before you." I don't know why Richard seems to understand that sentence, but he says he knows it's a mess. ["I guess he figured it out from the context. Or, he loves the Wu-Tang Clan. Retirement can put a man through many changes." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai says it's also freezing in there. Richard says he doesn't know how to work the thermostat. Apparently, that was always Margie's job. Lorelai turns down the thermostat, even though Richard warns her that she'll only break things. The air shuts off, and Lorelai says, "The Wind Done Gone." Richard thinks she's only temporarily fixed things, so Lorelai starts to teach him how to turn off the thermostat himself. The phone rings once, and Richard tells Lorelai not to bother picking up the phone; the caller has already hung up. Lorelai deduces that Richard can't be psychic, and that his company probably doesn't have a stalker already, and figures out that the phone is set to send calls straight to voicemail. Richard asks how that happened. Lorelai asks for the phone manual. Richard doesn't understand what that means, so Lorelai looks for a book with a picture of a phone on it. She finds it under the "copper ball glued to the wood thing." Richard corrects her that it's brass; the company gave that to him as a retirement gift. Lorelai says, "So in addition to being heavy and ugly, it's also insulting." Richard: "Quite." Lorelai punches a few buttons on the phone and fixes the voicemail problem. She tells Richard to go into his office and call her from there to test the phone. It starts ringing before he gets there. She asks if she should answer. He says she could. He watches to make sure she answers the phone correctly. She does, and has to take a message for Richard. She stalls him as she searches for a pen by asking how the caller spells "Larry." Richard hands her a pen. Lorelai writes the phone number down on her palm, an action that would have gotten me grounded when I lived at home. No writing on the skin at my house. You're grounded until it wears away. ["Me too! Hey, did your dad tear apart your bed if it wasn't made when he got home from work, too?" -- Wing Chun] Lorelai asks where the hell the pens are. Richard tells her to watch her language. He asks what Larry wanted. She says he wanted to know where the hell the pens are. Lorelai asks again where Richard's office supplies are. There aren't any, because Margie hasn't ordered them yet. Richard has no idea where one gets things like office supplies. "Well, let's go," Lorelai says, and Richard walks out with her.
This starts the five-minute Office Depot commercial, during which Lorelai talks about how great office supplies are and Richard is amazed that they put so many different choices all in one place. Lorelai dumps packages into the cart, barely looking at what she's choosing. Richard complains about the amount of paper-clip options. Lorelai picks out a coffee pot with the following eenie-meenie-miney-moe: "Ugly, crappy, German...ooh, pretty!" She can't reach the pot, though. Richard is upset that nobody's around to assist the paying customers. Lorelai says that's how they can afford to sell these pots at 40% off. Richard's impressed with the deal and grabs the coffee pot down from the shelf himself. So, what's Best Buy's deal, then? Or Staples. Don't ever go into a Staples. The people who work at Staples hate you for making them possibly have to work. They will ignore you to the point that you think you might not be visible. I'm pretty sure I could rob a Staples and they'd help me open the register. The problem is that since they never help anyone long enough to purchase anything, I'm sure the registers are completely empty. Richard says he must be old, since he doesn't recognize most of the supplies in the store. Lorelai stops and says, "Well, here, Dad, we have an assortment of magic sticks, and when you press down on paper, writing comes out." Richard says he understands pens. Richard picks three pens. Lorelai says he's cute, and then buys about three hundred, explaining that he's going to lose half of them, and then he'll be happy to have the extras. Richard picks out a tiny package of paper. Lorelai tells him he has to spend money to make money, and grabs a giant box of paper. She says the box is cheaper. He asks how she knows all of this stuff. She says that's how they do it at the Inn. They grab a stapler and staples. Post-Its. Richard delivers a Post-It commercial about how great they are, and how he's going to buy an extra package for Emily since he sees her use them around the house to remind her of things. "She'll think it's Christmas," Lorelai says. She suggests a three-hole punch. They run off to buy more supplies.
The "amazing" quotient is filled as Rory describes an author (Dawn Powell) to Lane. They're walking through Stars Hollow proper. Rory delivers an ad for Dawn Powell until she and Lane see a new store being set up. They look through the windows and see a bass, guitars, and other musical things. Lane's so happy that a music store's going up. She says it's the first step towards Stars Hollow becoming cool.
Rory walks over to Cardigan Man, who is fixing his vegetables. He tuts over her arm and asks if it hurts. She says it doesn't hurt too much. Cardigan Man hopes that Rory's not getting addicted to painkillers like those "Hollywood types" do. He says that pain is the body's way of saying, "I'm not okay now, but I will be soon." Rory says she'll remember that. Cardigan Man says that if you shut your body up too soon, it's called death. Rory says she just wanted to apologize that her car hit the bench with the brand-new market sign on it. Cardigan Man says it wasn't Rory's fault; it was "that Jess" who did it: "That boy is a walking natural disaster. They should name a tornado after him." ["That would be the most annoying tornado in weather history." -- Wing Chun] Rory tries to say that it was her fault, too, but Cardigan Man says he knows that there is no way Rory would be involved in something like that. It was because of that "Sal Mineo wannabe" that Rory was even in that accident. Cardigan Man gets the best line of the episode: "Chachi and Chachi alone will be held responsible for that incident." He gives Rory a peach and walks away. Lane asks whether Cardigan Man's mad. "No, not at me," Rory says.
I guess some time passed during the commercial break, because now the music store boasts a "Grand Opening" banner. It's called "Sophie's Music," and people are already buying things. Lane slowly walks up and past the music store. Then she turns around and goes inside.
Inside the shop, Kirk is handing his résumé to Carole King, who will be playing the role of Sophie. I love Carole King, in that her music unites me with my mom, and I think she wrote one of the best albums of all time. I know some of you are young, but ask your mom if she's got a copy of Tapestry. Listen to it together while you play a game of Scrabble. It will become a part of your sense memory forever. Do it for Mother's Day. Anyway, Carole King isn't looking for an assistant right now, since she just opened the store. Kirk tells her that he has a license to carry a firearm, in case that makes a difference. "You have no idea how much," she answers. Lane's walking around the store with her fingertips outstretched, afraid to hold any of the instruments. I can't believe that MamaLane doesn't have Lane taking flute or violin lessons -- something musical to round out her studies. Lane spots a guitar that she likes as the song in the background sings, "She fell in love with a drummer! She fell in love with a drummer!" Lane touches the guitar as Carole King asks if she can help her. Lane says she was just looking. Carole King says that looking isn't a problem; it's the touching that makes her nervous. ["How can people figure out if they want to buy the instruments if they can't play them?! You have to play them. Carole King knows that, for heaven's sake." -- Wing Chun] Lane says she was just going, and almost walks right into an upright bass. After an awkward moment, Lane sees a drum set. "Oh, my," she says. Carole King tells her that it's a DW drum set with Zildjian cymbals. She asks if Lane plays. Lane says she doesn't. Carole King tells Lane to sit so she can see how it feels. Lane says she couldn't. "Your legs don't bend?" Carole King asks. They do, so Lane sits. Carole King hands her some drumsticks, but reminds Lane not to touch anything. Lane air-drums to her heart's content. "You look good," Carole King says. Lane knows it.
Richard's talking business on the phone about the European market as Lorelai sets up binders on a shelf. As Richard needs facts and figures, he gestures at Lorelai. She always has whatever binder or book he needs right at that moment. Has it been a week or something? When will Lorelai go back to her real job that pays her money? I couldn't do any job where someone puts the phone down, knocks on the table, and whispers, "Eurostat!" I was a crappy assistant for about three months and I was terrible at it. I hate when people just don't even bother looking for something they need and expect someone else to be in charge of organizing their lives. Lorelai and Richard are happy to be working together like this. Lorelai answers the phone in the outer office. Lorelai tells the person that Margie no longer works there, and that Lorelai's the one who called to schedule the DSL appointment. Richard pours himself another cup of coffee as he listens to Lorelai work. Apparently, the DSL people are trying to weasel out of showing up to install the line in time. Lorelai says they really need the DSL (I hear you, girl), and that it'd be great if they could be there before 5 PM, because that's when the cable modem people are showing up to install that instead. She hangs up and tells Richard that they'll be there in twenty minutes. Richard tells Lorelai that he's impressed. "Well, I'm no Margie," Lorelai smiles. "Oh, who needs her?" Richard scoffs. Lorelai hands Richard a stack of secretarial candidates for tomorrow's interviews. She handpicked the best ones out of hundreds of résumés: "I think somewhere in there is a Margie for the new millennium." The phone rings again. Richard goes to answer it, but Lorelai tells him to get to know his new secretary instead. She answers the phone. It's Emily. Lorelai pretends to be a foolish assistant, putting on a baby voice. She says that Richard never mentioned having a wife. Emily freaks out, and Lorelai tells Emily that it's just her. Emily says that Lorelai is crude and unprofessional. Lorelai says she'd like that written on her tombstone. Emily tells Lorelai that she's planning to throw a cocktail party to celebrate the opening of Richard's business at the office on Friday, and that the caterers will be showing up around 3 PM. She asks if Lorelai's writing this down. Lorelai is. Emily says that Margie always wrote everything down. Instead of this canceling their Friday-night dinner, it means that Lorelai and Rory will have to show up at the Friday party instead. Maybe it's supposed to be Sunday, and that music store just opened up the day.
Babette screeches and warbles to Rory from her front porch. She waddles over to Rory. Rory asks if everything is okay. I guess Rory just got home from school, because she's in uniform. What day could it possibly be? Lane's at a music store, Lorelai's working for her father, and Rory just got home from school? Babette asks to see Rory's injured arm. "Oh, you poor little thing," she coos. She asks how Rory's doing. Where's Morey? Babette says that Rory's just gone through so much lately, and that it's hard being a woman. You've got your morals and standards and common sense until you meet that one dirty wolf who just throws all of those things out the window. Rory tries to correct Babette, but Babette's on a roll to the effect that there's always a bad boy out there who tries to corrupt the good girl, and how we women are only so strong. "I was in a cult once, did I tell you that?" she asks. She met a gorgeous, tan guy. They had coffee, he gave her a pamphlet, and the thing she knew, she was at the airport wearing a muumuu, jumping up and down, and playing the tambourine. Rory says she really has to go now. Babette tells Rory to take good care of herself and not to be too embarrassed, since this has happened to all of us.
An exhausted Rory walks into the empty house and calls out for her mom. She plays the answering machine and hears a message Lorelai left to the effect that she's going to be late helping Richard, and that Rory should order pizza and pay for it with the money under the rabbi. Rory lifts a plastic rabbi toy and grabs money. The rabbi begins playing "Hava Nagila" and dances in place. Rory walks into the kitchen and grabs an apple juice. She stares at her cast. The phone rings. It makes the rabbi dance again. Rory answers. It's Lane, saying she's found her calling. Lane is in her front yard, holding a pair of drumsticks, excited that she's found her purpose in life. She's going to be a drummer. She says she had to go into that music store today, and that once she saw the drum set, she couldn't breathe. Rory asks how Lane's going to do this: how will she buy a drum set, and how will she play it? Lane says she doesn't know any of these things, but that she'll figure them out because she must play the drums. She's Keith Moon. She's Neil Peart. She's the drummer from Def Leppard with and without the arm. She is rock and roll. She whispers to Rory that she'll call her later, hides the drumsticks in a planter, and joins her family for prayer choir practice. Lane smiles from behind her hymnal.
Richard is barely listening to the Margie candidate in front of him. Good thing Lorelai is. She asks the Margie candidate leading questions. The candidate created a system from the ground up, and was an assistant to a woman until the woman got pregnant. "Story of my life," Lorelai says. "Literally." Richard wakes up, looks up the candidate's name -- Karen -- and says that they'll call her when they make a decision. Karen says it was a pleasure meeting both of them. Lorelai says she'll walk Karen out, and compliments her shoes. Richard plays with a stapler until Lorelai comes back in with lunch in tow. Richard asks if they should eat in the office today. Lorelai says it sounds fine to her, and unpacks the food. Richard's happy they remembered his pickles, adding that he's happy they work across the street from this place. He tells Lorelai that they ought to start a tab with them so that they don't have to pay in cash all the time. Lorelai says she already did it. Richard says that Lorelai is like "that tiny fellow on the M.A.S.H. program, always anticipating." Lorelai asks Richard what he thinks about Karen. Richard thinks she's rather inexperienced. Lorelai says that Karen was an executive assistant for six years. Richard says that young women tend to be flighty. Lorelai points out that Karen worked for the same woman for five years. Richard loves his roast beef sandwich. He asks Lorelai what she ordered. She got a cheeseburger. Richard says he might get that if they order from the same place the day. Lorelai says that Richard's already interviewed three people who would be perfect for the job. Richard says that these things take time, and that finding the proper secretary is about chemistry and can't be rushed. A man's secretary sets the tone for the entire business. And sets the toner. Richard thinks he's doing just fine with Lorelai at the moment. Lorelai says that the moment is rapidly coming to an end. She can't work for Richard because she has her own job. Richard says he knows that. Lorelai says she needs him to find an assistant soon because she doesn't know when she'd be able to come back to Richard's office and help him. Richard says he'll need to see more résumés. Lorelai snaps that she can't come back there tomorrow. Richard puts the wall up again, and tells Lorelai that he won't need her at all anymore. She can go home now. Lorelai says that she'll finish out the day, but Richard says that won't be necessary. Man, how I know that wall. Richard feels vulnerable for depending on his daughter, so he takes away all need for her immediately so that she doesn't feel like he's any obligation or responsibility, taking with it all emotion. Lorelai pouts that all the phone numbers he needs are on his desk. Richard thanks Lorelai for all her help and asks her to excuse him, since he has work to do. Lorelai starts to leave, but stops at the door to say she thought Karen was a good choice, but Richard's already on the phone, ignoring her. Lorelai pouts off.
Lorelai and Rory are in their Jeep, getting food from a restaurant with a walk-up window. Rory says there will be food at the cocktail party. Now it's Friday. Lorelai says she doesn't want that tiny, balled-up, snooty finger food. She needs hearty peasant food with special sauces. "Oh, my God! Just eat the burger already!" Rory shouts. Lorelai calls her crabby. She asks if Rory's arm hurts. Rory says she's tired. Lorelai says that they won't stay too long -- just long enough for four or five withering stares from Richard and a few notches from Emily. Lorelai hates the cheeseburger and tosses it back into the bag. She says that Luke had better come back before she starves to death. Rory apologizes for Luke being gone. Lorelai says that it's not Rory's fault -- it's Jess's fault. Rory asks why everyone in Stars Hollow thinks it's Jess's fault. Lorelai says that everyone in town loves Rory and knows that she's not the type to get into an accident. Rory says she knows this and appreciates it. Lorelai tells Rory to stop beating herself up over this: "It's over. Jess is gone." The more they say it, the more I know it's not true. Lorelai asks for the cheeseburger again: "That burger may be a disgusting burger, but at least it considers me its equal." Oh, the snooty food. I thought for a second she was talking about Luke. Or Richard. Hey, that red light is back to Luke's. Pretty sneaky, Sis.
Richard's office party. Many, many people are packed into that two-room office. Lorelai says it's worse than clowns in a Volkswagen. She asks Rory if she'd like something to drink, since they're probably three martinis behind everybody else. Rory says she'd just like water. Lorelai leaves, thinking aloud that she should leave some breadcrumbs. Lorelai finds Emily by the bar. Emily tells Lorelai that she's late. Lorelai says that the beer bash was scheduled during rush hour. Emily says that everybody's trying to get out of Hartford, so there shouldn't be traffic. Lorelai says that when Emily's having a party, everyone's going into Hartford. Emily says it's wonderful that everyone showed up for Richard. Lorelai asks if Emily thought about scaling back a bit. Emily says she cut down two appetizers, cancelled the champagne fountain, and reduced the serving staff to six, not counting the pointman. Lorelai: "Well, you can't not have a pointman, because then...what's the point?" Emily says that if you make it look cheap, people will think you're unsuccessful. Lorelai says it's probably better to deprive them of oxygen this way so they don't think at all. Emily says it is rather warm. Lorelai offers to get the air going, but Emily says that Karen knows how to do it. Lorelai is thrilled that Richard went with Karen. Emily says that Karen is wonderful -- very professional.
Lorelai watches Richard shakes someone's hand and mentions having Karen draw up the contracts in the morning. Lorelai walks over and says hello. She says it's a swell party. Richard says it was mostly Emily's doing. Lorelai looks for something to say for a second, and then asks what just happened with the handshake; she asks whether he scored a deal. Richard says that one doesn't "score deals" in the insurance business; one builds relationships based on trust and fulfilling the clients' needs. Lorelai apologizes. Richard starts explaining who he was talking to, but Lorelai knows who he is. "You bagged the Swede?" Lorelai asks incredulously. Richard says that he didn't score a deal or bag a Swede. They talked and came to an agreement. There are contracts. Lorelai smiles and says, "Dad, that's big!" She says she knows this is going to open up a whole new market for Richard. It could move into Russia. She congratulates him. They share a good moment. She says she saw he hired Karen. "Well, she's no...." Richard looks at Lorelai for a second and then says, "Margie." Again, they share a moment. Richard says that he needs to be excused to go score more deals now that he's finished bagging the Swede. Lorelai watches her father walk off and smiles proudly.
Emily and Lorelai agree that Richard's so happy and in his element right now. Emily sees Rory and freaks out when she sees the cast on Rory's arm. Rory tells Emily that she fractured her wrist. Another day and that cast would've been off, anyway. Lorelai tries the "really big bees" story. Emily's upset that nobody called to tell her that Rory was hurt. Rory tells Emily that she was in a car accident. Emily is piecing everything together now and is talking a mile a minute as she realizes that this is why Rory wasn't at dinner last week and that she didn't have the flu. She realizes that the accident happened in the car CuteDean made that Richard didn't trust. Rory tells Emily that Jess was driving the car. Emily tells Lorelai, "I thought you were going to keep that boy away from her." Lorelai asks if they have to talk about this right now. Emily says that they do. She's upset about the cast and can't believe how irresponsible Lorelai was in letting Rory get into an accident. Rory has had enough and starts shouting to Emily that she gave Jess the keys and told him to keep driving even though he wanted to go back to Luke's. She says that this is just as much her fault as it is his, and maybe even more. "Rory," Emily says, shocked that her granddaughter just yelled at her in mixed company. I love the words "mixed company." Like "mixed nuts." Just a bunch of different kinds of people all staring, all salted. Lorelai tells Rory she wants to talk to her out in the hall.
In the hallway, Lorelai asks what the hell that was all about. Rory shouts that she's sick of being treated like a mindless idiot who was led around by a guy. But weren't you, Rory? Weren't you? Because otherwise you were a bad girlfriend and you seem unable to fess up to one or the other. Rory says that the entire town is refusing to believe that she was responsible for what happened. Lorelai asks whether she was driving the car. Since Rory wasn't, she's not as responsible for what happened. Rory asks whether it would be the same situation if CuteDean had been driving. Lorelai says that it wouldn't have happened in that case, because CuteDean is more responsible than Jess. Rory says that Lorelai doesn't know that Jess wasn't driving responsibly. "Hi, it's Jess," Lorelai says. Rory says she forgot that Jess is the anti-Christ. I can hear Wing Chun all the way in Toronto screaming, "Word!" ["There were more swears in what I was screaming, actually." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai says she knows that Rory thinks Jess is a cool, keen, friend, but that he's really a punk-ass bitch who shouldn't be messing with decent people. He's out of control and angry and has no respect for anybody. Rory asks if Lorelai's going to blame Jess no matter what Rory says. Lorelai says she will, because that's her choice. Lorelai hates Jess, and she gets to because her daughter came home broken, so she gets to hate the guy that broke her. That's how it works: "He's gone! I win! You are wearing a cast and I get to hate him forever!" Rory and Lorelai scream the word "Fine!" at each other a few times. Then it's very quiet. Lorelai says she's pretty sure the entire party is listening through glasses against the wall. Rory says she doesn't think they need glasses. Lorelai comments that she and Rory can be pretty loud when they want to be. Rory says they're never going to agree about this. Lorelai says that Rory has to understand. Rory says that she does, and that she doesn't want to fight about this anymore. Rory wants to go home. Her wrist hurts, she's grumpy, and she made an idiot of herself. Lorelai says she'll tell Emily they're leaving, and then drive Rory home. Rory says it's early enough that she can catch a bus, and that she'd like to be alone for a little while. She says she'll see Lorelai at home.
Carole King's closing up shop, but Lane's still inside staring at the drum set like it's a nursery window. Carole King tells Lane that it's after 6 PM. Lane asks for five more minutes. She tells Carole King that she wants to go to New York someday. She asks if Carole King liked it there, and asks what it was like. Carole King asks Lane's name. She says it's nice to meet her, but that she doesn't want to get entangled in a conversation and forget that she wants to go home right now. Lane says that she has to have those drums, but that she can't afford them. Even if she had the money, she couldn't take them home because her mother would never stop crying. She says she has a proposal: Carole King lets her come and practice twice a week, Mondays and Wednesdays at 6 PM. In exchange, Lane will do things around the shop -- clean or do inventory. She says she can even teach Carole King Korean. Being bilingual is a good thing, she argues. Lane pleads and begs to rock until Carole King gives in. Carole King asks why Lane wants to come on Wednesdays and Fridays. Lane explains that MamaLane has Bible study on those days. Lane sits at the drums and asks if she can hit them this time. Lane screams, "A-one, two, three, four!" and beats the drums haphazardly. Carole King says she'll be in the back in case the cops come. Lane asks her to turn off the lights just in case her mother walks by the shop. Carole King turns out the lights and Lane plays the drums in the dark. ["How is Carole King going to sell the drums once Lane has played the hell out of them?" -- Wing Chun]
Outside in Stars Hollow, you can hear Lane's drum playing all the way over at Luke's, outside which Rory is walking. She sees Luke's truck pull up. Luke empties his fishing gear from the back. Rory walks over to Luke and says hi. She asks if he's back. He says he is. She asks if he caught anything. Luke says that the fish went fishing as well. He stops when he sees Rory's cast, and asks if it hurts. She says it doesn't hurt too much, but that it itches. He warns her against jamming a pencil down there to scratch it, since he did so once when he had a cast: "Bad results." Rory promises not to use a pencil. Luke invites her in for coffee, and asks her where Lorelai is. She explains that Lorelai's at Richard's party. When Luke lets them into the diner, I wish an emaciated Kirk was curled up on the floor, wallet in his withered right hand as he weakly threatens to sue. Luke tells Rory to grab herself a donut. Nasty. That's a week- to two-week-old donut. Rory sits on a stool and asks whether Luke has heard from Jess. Luke says that he hasn't, but he talked to Jess's mom and knows that Jess got home okay. Rory asks about Jess's stuff. Luke says he's going to send it. Rory says that makes sense. She says that the accident wasn't Jess's fault. Luke says he knows that. End of episode.
week, the Jess hiatus comes crashing to a halt.