Previously: Jess paid to put his hand in Rory's basket right in front of CuteDean. Richard was getting "phased-out" at work. Rory kicks Jess out of her house right before CuteDean shows up since she lied to her boyfriend about her company. But she got caught. CuteDean asks Lorelai if Rory would lie to him. Richard retires. Lorelai tells CuteDean that Rory wouldn't lie. We see them see Rory flirt with Jess -- something we've been seeing for too long.
Hey, it's finally Friday! Lorelai and Rory stare longingly at the plates of food, but Emily isn't letting them have one bite. Richard isn't at the table yet, and they've never started a meal without him unless he was sick or out of town. He's neither, so they're going to wait. Lorelai complains that they're starving, the food is getting cold, and they've already been waiting forever. Lorelai says they've been waiting for so long that Godot already came by, grabbed a roll, and hitched a ride out of there. Turns out Richard bought an antique car "a couple of horrible weeks" ago and he's been repairing it. Emily catches Lorelai trying to sneak a mint from her purse. Lorelai spits it out and says eatin' ain't cheatin' if it's from her own private stash. She reminds Emily that she's bound by the rules of the Geneva Convention just like everyone else.
Richard walks in at this point wearing a firesuit, and Lorelai jokes that she didn't know it was Casual Friday. Richard asks why they haven't started eating. Emily says they weren't going to start without him since he was supposed to be almost done. Richard says he was, but then the car started squirting something green at him so he stayed. He tells them to start eating. Lorelai proceeds to try to dig in, but Emily stops her again. "Gomer said!" Lorelai shouts. Emily says she hasn't started a dinner without him in ten years. She shouts to Elsa to take all the food away and keep it warm. Hey, they've had Elsa before, haven't they? Has Emily finally managed to keep one servant around? Emily tells Richard to clean up, change, and come down to the table so they can eat. Richard says he'll be right back. Lorelai, holding a bite of food on a fork, rants to Richard that he'd better be really right back, so right back that he's changing while climbing the stairs. Very fast shower. "No excessive posing!" Rory pouts. Elsa takes the fork out of Lorelai's hand.
I'd like to take this opening credits moment to pimp the Edward Herrmann movie The Cat's Meow. He's just great in it. And it has my imaginary boyfriend Eddie Izzard in it. Hands off, ladies and gents. In my Stars Hollow world my love triangle is between CuteDean and a stand-up transvestite. It could happen.
Luke's. Morning. Lorelai asks Luke if she can just sit anywhere. He tells her she can sit anywhere she'd like. Lorelai asks the guy who I think played the pizza guy a very long time ago if he'd please move. Luke changes his statement to, "Anywhere where there's not people." Lorelai and Rory move to an open table. Lorelai has slowed down because she's noticed that something is different. Rory says it's impossible for something to be different and she'd be very disappointed if something changed in that diner. Um, aren't they doing construction and changing the entire building? Rory says that change sucks, and Lorelai agrees. Then Lorelai spots it: the chalkboard. The special has changed. It's an omelette (a word my spell-check tells me is incorrectly spelled, but I'm just copying down what I see), when it's always been French toast. Luke walks up to take their order. Lorelai asks what's in the new special omelette. Luke tells her that she won't like it. He says she's been eating there for years and he knows what she likes, so he knows she won't like the omelette. It's three eggs with bits of bacon. Lorelai likes bacon. Cubed tomatoes. "Sounds good," Lorelai says. Swiss cheese and a dash of oregano. "A dash, he says," Lorelai mocks to Rory. Lorelai orders the special omelette but with the bacon on the side instead of in the omelette, and Jack cheese instead of Swiss because Swiss is too stringy, hold the oregano because she's allergic, and a cup of coffee. Oh, and not too many tomatoes. Very light. Just practically none. Luke accuses her of doing this on purpose. Lorelai feigns innocence. Rory orders the French toast. Lorelai and Rory giggle over how cruel Lorelai just was. Lorelai says that she can tell Luke worked really hard on the sign and everything. "It's so precise. So determined." Rory tells her that it's Jess's handwriting. It's block letters, people, so I'm not sure how Rory can tell this from the scribbles in her Howl margins, unless they've been passing notes lately. But Jess is determined enough that it's oozing out of all of his pores and into his block-lettering on chalkboards, I guess. I can buy that. Rory lies to her mother by saying she lent Jess a book and he "wrote some stuff" in it. Lorelai gives a shout-out to the forum by commenting that Jess vandalized Rory's book. Rory says he wrote "thoughts and stuff." Lorelai asks if his thoughts were like, "Play basketball; eat a sandwich." Hee. Rory says he wrote "margin stuff." She gets snotty and says, "People like Mark Twain wrote in margins." Well, la, dee, da. Lorelai jokes, "Pilot a steamboat; write Huckleberry Finn?" Rory moans to just forget it.
CuteDean enters here, all cute with floppy hair. Rory instantly tries to get him to go very far away. Quick kiss without any feeling. She asks how he found them at Luke's. CuteDean reminds her that she's always at Luke's and has been there every morning of her life. Lorelai asks CuteDean if he wants to join them. CuteDean asks Rory if it's okay. "Hunh?" she asks. CuteDean repeats the question. Rory says he doesn't have to ask. CuteDean sits down. Luke asks for his order. CuteDean orders the special omelette. Rory and Lorelai burst into giggles. Luke accuses Lorelai of putting CuteDean up to this. Once again, poor CuteDean is the only one who has no idea what's going on. Luke says he'll come back when he has time for this. Poor CuteDean. No girlfriend, no eggs.
Chilton. Rory's in a circle with a group of students. She asks if everyone's familiar with the reading material now. Louisa asks if they were supposed to have read it all. Rory says that's why they had all been sitting there quietly for some time. Louisa says she thought it was like some kind of prayer thing they were doing. Hee. Fraulein says she was still reading her paper. Paris is outraged. Fraulein says she's a slow reader. She wants to make sure she doesn't miss anything. Paris says it's not the big Indian play that I'm not even going to attempt to spell (closed captioning didn't even try to do it, so I won't either), it's just simple instructions for the business class assignment. Louisa comments that Paris seems to be unhappy that Rory's the group leader and not her. Paris asks Rory to lead and fix the anarchy. "I'm just enjoying the show," Rory says.
Brad walks up at this point. Y'all remember Brad, the Romeo before Philllipppe who dropped out because Paris gave him hives, only to have to debate her at another school? Well, he's back because his therapist told his parents (and his rabbi agreed) that he has to face his fears head-on. Thus, he's in Paris's business class group project. Brad sits to Paris and says, "Paris." Paris simply stares. After a few moments, Brad turns to the rest of the group and asks, "Her name is Paris, right?" Rory explains that there's an "Inter-school Business Fair" in a few weeks. Not really sure what that means, "inter-school." In any event, they have to come up with a product aimed at high-school kids, make a prototype of the product, and market the product, all within a million-dollar budget. Brad gives little comments, like, "cool," and "neat," until Paris tells him to can the "festive little interjections" because they're low on time. Rory says they'll meet again tomorrow to pitch product ideas. Louisa's almost out the door asking, "Class dismissed?" Paris reminds Rory that she's not finished. Rory says they have to find a parent involved in business to be an advisor. Chip (just some guy in the group) says his dad's got meetings "out the wazoo." Who says that? Paris's dad's in Hong Kong, but he can video-conference. Rory decides that's a no. Fraulein's father is traveling. Louisa's dad's in court for the few weeks. Louisa's unsure what her father did this time. Rory asks if anyone's mom works. "Working moms are so nineties," Fraulein drones. Nice. Brad's mom's a curator at the Hartford Natural Museum. Paris says they need actual business advisors and not "somebody who poses animal carcasses." Everyone remembers that Lorelai runs an inn. Rory totally knocks down what her mom does for a living and says it's just this little tiny inn thing that's nothing, like her mom runs a roach motel or something. Paris says it's better than Brad's mom, "The buffalo stuffer." Brad is insulted, and says she doesn't stuff the animals. Paris asks for the name of the rabbi that encouraged Brad to come back to Chilton. She wants to "pop him one." Rory says her mom isn't right for this project. Paris says that Lorelai is all they've got, so Rory'd better find a way to get her there or perhaps she shouldn't be the group leader. Rory says she'll ask Lorelai. Everyone gets up to leave. This is such a good episode there isn't really much for me to interject. I hope you guys don't mind.
Sookie's stirring something in a bowl, counting each stroke. Lorelai runs in saying that something has arrived. Sookie doesn't want to mess up her counting. She does, anyway. Lorelai tells Sookie that she got a package. Sookie keeps counting and stroking until Lorelai tells her that it's the wedding invitations. Sookie tosses the bowl of whatever into the air Three's Company-style and rips open the box. They're printed wrong, of course, and say that her name is "Susie." This is a problem as the invites need to go out very soon. Lorelai calls the invite people to complain as Sookie moans and complains.
Michel walks in and calls it a beautiful morning. "Sucks from where I'm sitting," Sookie says. Michel reminds Lorelai that he needs tomorrow afternoon off. His mother is coming to visit. Lorelai asks the person on the line for "customer service." She tells Michel she's sorry his mother's coming to visit. Michel tells her that he loves his mother and he's very excited that she's coming. Lorelai says she must be projecting. She asks if his mother will be staying at the inn. Michel says she'll stay with him at his place. It doesn't matter that it's tiny because they stay up all night talking and laughing, having a good time. Lorelai says she can't wait to meet her. Customer service gets on the phone and Lorelai explains that there's a problem with the wedding invitations and she's going to put the bride on the phone. She puts the people on hold and tells Sookie that the best way to deal with this situation is to remain calm and be nice. Sookie says she will and takes the phone. "How dare you do this to me? You're ruining my wedding! It's the most important day of my life! My life! Not Susie St. James's! You listening to me?" Lorelai backs out of the room. I don't know what it is with this show and mistreating people in customer service. I also don't know why they haven't shown the crazy people that stay at inns. Also, glad to see that the previews for this episode were once again completely misleading. It was supposed to be this big showdown where Sookie told Lorelai that she was ruining her wedding. I hate being lied to. Maybe Rory's writing the promos.
Rory meets Lorelai in the lobby and tells her that the business meeting didn't go as long as she thought it would. Lorelai pulls out some work for Rory and tells her to organize a stack in chronological order. She asks how her day went. Rory says she got an A on her physics test, she finished Candide, and she convinced a boy that Paris would probably never attack his rabbi. "So, uneventful, huh?" Lorelai asks. Rory agrees. How many classes is Rory taking? At least ten or so, right? Rory begins asking Lorelai to be the advisor by saying, "I know you're probably not going to want to do this..." "Yes, I will!" Lorelai says. "Unless it's something I don't want to do," she adds. Rory lays it out and says she's in a spot. Nobody else can do it and she checked and double-checked and Lorelai's her very last choice. Lorelai says if Rory's really in a spot she'll do it, but she thinks that Richard would be a better idea. A retired businessman with nothing to do all day might make a good advisor. Rory says that asking him might upset him, since the mention of business seems to be taboo around that house these days. She says that Lorelai just wants her to ask Richard because she doesn't want to go to Chilton. Lorelai says she thinks Richard would be thrilled, and her not having to go to Chilton is just gravy because then she won't feel guilty. Rory says she'll give it a shot. She asks Lorelai if she really would have felt guilty. Lorelai says she wouldn't, but she would have felt guilty about not feeling guilty and then there's guilt on top of that and it all just gets messy. "Miss Gilmore and the Vicious Circle," Rory says.
Richard's working on his antique car when Rory walks up. Richard says it's a pleasant surprise to see her. He'd hug her, but he's got various forms of viscous fluid on his clothing. Sometimes it's obvious that everybody on this show talks exactly the same way. This is one of those times. Rory asks how the car's running. Richard says she's being a bit obstinate today. Rory says she wanted to ask him a favor. She tells him about the project at school for her economics class. She asks if he'd like to be the advisor. She says she understands if he can't do it, but she thought she'd ask. He says he's not sure how much help he'd be since he never created a consumer product. Rory's already backing out and away, telling him it's not a big deal at all, just like how she deals with CuteDean. She didn't really want to ask him in the first place, you can tell. Rory says the word "totally" about fifteen times. Richard says that things are a little hectic right now and this is short notice. "Very short. Very short," Rory says. Emily walks up and says she didn't know Rory was here. She makes sure that Rory didn't hug her grandfather. Rory says she's got to go. Emily offers her some cookies. Rory declines and excuses herself.
Emily asks what Rory wanted. Richard tells her and says it's nothing. Emily asks why Richard would decline. Richard says Emily's name several times and tells her he'd like to talk about it later because he's busy. Emily says that he's not too busy. Richard says he doesn't expect her to understand, but he's in the middle of something. He'd rather talk about it later. Emily says she never thought she'd see the day that Richard Gilmore let down his granddaughter. She asks if this is how it's going to be from now on. Moping, silence, bouncing around hobbies she expected, but turning his back on Rory she didn't see coming. Richard is indignant, saying he didn't turn his back on her. Emily asks, "Are you that lost?" Richard leans over and blasts classical music out of the jambox. "I'm incredibly disappointed in you, Richard!" Emily screams over the violins. Richard heaves a big sigh as Emily leaves and we fade to what I think might be the first commercial break.
My poor, stubby fingers.
Stars Hollow. Hey, Lane! Missed you! Lane appears to have taken some kind of aptitude test at school that has told her she's got a "genuine aptitude" for sales. She's upset that she's going to be schilling Whip-O-Matics for the twenty-five years, and I'm surprised Rory doesn't ask Lane to be her advisor at Chilton. Lane says she doesn't want to be in sales. She wants to do something cool. Rory tells her that she doesn't have to be in sales. Um, I'm pretty sure she's going to have to run MamaLane's store someday. It's in Mrs. Kim's will: "Lane will run shop. She will not sell it or close it down. She will not hire floozies or troublemakers to ruin shop and drive it into ground. Lane will run shop like I do. With class. And thirty-five percent mark-up." Rory and I have the same pair of brown pants. She tells Lane that she's taking the aptitude test way too seriously. In ten years, they'll be having lunch in Paris and not discussing whether or not Lane made her quota.
CuteDean walks up and says hello. He asks Lane how she's doing. She says she's only as good as her last sale. Rory tells CuteDean to ignore Lane because she's crazy. He asks what they're doing. Rory says they're off to buy some shoes. Lane says she'll pick up a job application while she's there. "You will now face the wall quietly," Rory says. CuteDean was wondering if Rory would come by his softball game. She hasn't been to one of his games in weeks. Rory says they already have plans to see each other tonight, and she needs to do her philosophy homework. Eleven classes. CuteDean says she can do her homework at the game, only looking up every once in a while to see him swing or run. You know, like a girlfriend does. They make a joke about nihilistic theories. Rory says she will stay home, do her homework, and see him play week. She promises to be there week. A disappointed CuteDean says he'll be at her house at seven. What time's his game? What day is it? Why are they not in school? Kiss without feeling. CuteDean says good-bye to Lane. I hope they start dating.
Michel has Lorelai sign bills and invoices, telling her as she signs what she's signing. Yeah, she'd probably make a crappy advisor, since Michel seems to be the accounts receivable and payable guy. As MamaMichel arrives, my closed captioning tells me "In French Accent," just so there's no misunderstanding. They hug and coo all over each other. Michel says he was going to pick her up at the airport. She says she wanted to come early and buy presents for him since he's a "materialistic vulture." She's kind of a tropical French? Like Cajun or Jamaican French? I don't know. She makes Michel spin for her. She says he's the perfect son and if he'd been born ugly she doesn't know what she would have done. "Boarding school?" Michel asks. "In Switzerland." Michel spins his mother over to Lorelai. MamaMichel asks Lorelai if her eyes are real. Lorelai says they are. MamaMichel says God is cruel to bestow those eyes and that face to just one person. Lorelai asks if she can be her mother as well. Michel says he's going to show his mother around the inn. Lorelai tells him to make sure he introduces his mother to Sookie because she wants to meet her as well. MamaMichel says she wants to meet all of Michel's friends, and she didn't raise him to be rude. Michel reminds her that she did. "Come!" she says. "Show me off!" Michel asks if she's been using the free weights he sent her. MamaMichel: "Yes! They hold down my papers beautifully." Michel: "Lazy, silly woman." MamaMichel: "Cruel and vicious boy!" She likes the words "cruel" and "vicious."
Chilton. Richard and Rory walk down the hallway. Rory tells Richard she really appreciates him doing this and she knows that he's busy. She told everybody to have their pitches prepared so he can be in and out of there as quickly as possible. Richard says he'll be there as long as he's needed, but he appreciates an economy of time. "I totally understand," Rory says.
Rory introduces Richard to the group. They all sit down. She asks if he wants to say a few words before they start. He says he's just there to give advice if needed, so he's going to sit behind the group and observe, advising if needed. Louisa's first. She couldn't find her new lip-gloss this morning. She had just bought it and it's perfect. Major shine without the stickiness that causes your hair to stick to your face. I hear you, girl. She ended up having to borrow gloss from Fraulein this morning, which is horrible because their faces are two different color palates. Paris asks Rory to tell the "Pigeon Sisters" to get to a point. Hee. So, Louisa has invented a Lipstick Lo-Jack that allows you to push a button to page your gloss. Paris is unhappy. Richard's eyes are rolling. Rory says it's a very interesting idea, but they should probably try and market something that appeals to both boys and girls. Fraulein's . She wants to make a Locker Robot that sits in the locker all day. It knows facts, can help with homework, etc. Rory points out that they'd have to build a robot that does all of this. She asks who knows how to do that. Fraulein points at Brad and says, "He looks like he should know." Brad says, "I've never built a robot." Louisa leans in and says, "But you've tried, haven't you?" Brad waits for a second and then says, both proudly and ashamedly, "Yes, I have." Best exchange of the episode. Rory says they have to be able to accomplish the project.
Paris stands up and starts passing out binders of reports. "And I guess Paris is ," Rory says. Paris says that the average student spends seven hours at school. Seven hours of indoors and outdoors in all kinds of weather. That same teen is going through major changes in his or her body. The hormonal changes combined with the environmental fluxes can only lead to one thing: accidents. "Muffin" hiding a zit from the captain of the football team ends up slamming her head into a locker. Someone can sprain an ankle. Cut a fingernail. Accidents. Paris proposes a first-aid kit for the locker. It fits in a locker with minimum space disruption. Band-Aid's, cotton balls, antiseptic, bandages, aspirin. Rory asks if anyone has any questions. Richard asks if they sell these things in every drug store. Paris says they do. Richard notes that there's a registered nurse on every campus with these items as well. He asks why a young person would spend good money on something they could get for free. Paris says you can get a teen to buy anything as long as it comes in a leopard print. "True," Louisa says. "Very true," Fraulein agrees. Dress up the kits with sparkles, colors, pictures of bands, sport themes for boys, "animal pictures for the puppy and unicorn bunch," and chess stuff for the Bobby Fischer freaks. "A style for every taste," she says. Plus they can dress up the bandages with neon pink or blue. Anything young, flashy, and bright. Richard asks if this is how she intends to set the business world on its ear. "That's right," Paris says. Richard asks if she really thinks it's going to work. "Yes. I do." Richard says he thinks it's going to work as well. It's simple, affordable, and perfect. He loves it. Rory says they've got their product. Richard says they now need to go through this point-by-point. He stands up and says he hopes nobody has dinner plans. Everyone gives each other slightly terrified looks. Oh, yay! Commercial. I'm exhausted, you guys.
Lorelai's reading the Motley Crue biography. The phone's ringing, but Lorelai isn't answering. Rory enters the house calling Lorelai's name, and then runs over to answer, but she's missed the caller. And the machine didn't pick up? Rory tells Lorelai that the ringing sound isn't just in her head. Lorelai tells Rory that she has to read this book. Once Ozzy's snorting a row of ants you're thinking it can't get any grosser and then it does. Rory asks why she didn't answer the phone. Lorelai says once you've experienced something five thousand times you need to move on and she knows who it is on the phone. It's CuteDean. It's always CuteDean. "Dean the Determined," Lorelai calls him. "Oh, man!" Rory moans. The phone rings again. Lorelai says five bucks she knows who it is. Rory picks up the phone. It's Richard. Rory holds her hand out to Lorelai. "He did that on purpose," Lorelai says, going for her purse. Richard says he was thinking about relocating tomorrow's meeting to his house: "It'd be more comfortable with infinitely better snacks." Rory says that sounds fine. Richard says he'll call the group. Hee. Rory says she'll see him tomorrow. She hangs up and tells Lorelai that the thing at school is going well. Lorelai is proud of herself. Lorelai says that Rory's lucky to have such a woman in her life. Rory says she knows this, since Lorelai whispers it into her ear every night. "Well, you won't let me write it in your underwear anymore," Lorelai says.
Lorelai tells Rory to check the machine to erase all of CuteDean's messages. Rory turns the machine on. Dean called at four, asking her to call when she gets home. He called back again at 4:30, then 4:45. He says he'd page her. At 5:30, he wants to know if she got his page. Then says he forgot she was getting home at six. Still calls back at 5:45 to see if she got home early. "I swear that boy makes a good drinking game," Lorelai says. Ha. Rory says this is crazy. There are fourteen messages from CuteDean. Lorelai tells Rory to ease up on the love potion she's giving him or he'll show up at David Letterman's house soon. Rory says it's a little too much. Lorelai asks if they've been fighting. Rory says that it's calm: "No more incidents." Lorelai says it seems like CuteDean feels like he's about to be replaced, or that she's slipping away. Rory says she spends every free moment with him (no, she doesn't) but nothing seems be enough (you could stop seeing Jess) and nothing makes things go back to normal again (you could see your boyfriend instead of avoiding him). She says she wishes things were how they used to be. Lorelai says this is how relationships go (she's had one?) and that sometimes they get funky but they work themselves out again. She says things will calm down again.
Independence Inn. Michel and MamaMichel enter, bursting with giggles. He tells her that her mind is evil. She tells him that his soul is empty. Michel leaves to get them coffee. MamaMichel calls Lorelai "Blue Eyes" and says hello. Lorelai asks how lunch was. MamaMichel says it was the usual champagne-caviar affair. They had lots of pasta with terrible things in it and it was perfect. Lorelai says they seem to be having a great time. MamaMichel says she will miss Michel very much when she goes home but he'll have an extra five pounds to remember her by from the pasta. Lorelai can't believe Michel ate pasta. MamaMichel says that Michel loves pasta. Lorelai tells her how they can't get Michel to eat any carbs. Lorelai says she's glad she got her son to eat pasta because he seems really happy. Michel enters with coffee. MamaMichel says it's (h)orrible. Michel tells her she'll drink it and she'll like it. They decide to go buy something completely useless and pay too much money for it. Ah, the rich! So fun! "That's so wrong," Lorelai grumbles as she removes MamaMichel's wasted coffee cup.
Chip drives an SUV. Everybody arrives at Richard's. Rory says they should have waited for Paris. Louisa says they were all told to be there by 3:10 and Paris was late, so they didn't have to wait around for her. Fraulein says that Paris has her cell number. Louisa reminds Fraulein that she's lost her cell phone. Three seconds later Fraulein figures out what this means. Rory rings the doorbell and says they'll call her when they get inside. Brad asks Rory to tell Paris that he wanted to wait for her. Paris answers the door, saying they're right on time.
Richard calls them into the dining room. It's set up like a boardroom. Richard welcomes them to the first official board meeting of the "Style-Aid Corporation." Bad name. He tells everyone to take a seat. He puts Rory at the head of the table, since she's the leader. Richard says he'd like to turn the meeting over to Paris. "Thank you, Richard," she beams. Hee. She says she's glad to see everyone today at the beginning of what she thinks is going to be a very exciting experiment. Brad asks if she has a baseball bat in her hands. Paris asks them to open to page one in their presentation booklets. She tells Brad that they haven't gotten to the "pencil part" yet. Brad drops his pencil. Paris holds up the "RX 2002," a metal case that looks like it holds a flute. It's waterproof and fireproof. Five-year warranty. Richard says the deluxe model has extra features. A snap-in CD case, a lighted vanity mirror, and a divided compartment for makeup. There's also a hidden vault for valuables. Paris compliments him on that good idea. Richard thanks her. Rory says this is really amazing. Especially since they didn't have to do any work on it and Paris did all the work with Richard. Easy A.
Richard asks the Marketing Department (Fraulein and Louisa) to give their report. They want to target teen magazines. They list a few off until Richard interjects that he's heard Jane magazine is a hip, cool thing that the girls read. Rory asks what he's doing reading Jane. Does Jane give this show money? Why is there another Jane shout-out every week? Chip and Brad are here just to nod whenever the words "guy" or "boy" are said. Richard says they should also target the schools themselves through websites, pep rallies, and football games. Emily enters and asks how everybody is doing. She asks if there's enough food. Richard acts like a teenager trying to have friends over. He tells Emily that they're in the middle of an important meeting. Emily acts like her son just said, "Mom! I'm having a tea party with the Lakers!" She leans down and stage-whispers into Rory's ear how happy Richard looks. Rory agrees. Richard asks her to leave again. Emily excuses herself happily. Paris asks Richard if he has the third-year projections. He says he does.
Lorelai drives up the Gilmore home and sees CuteDean washing Rory's car. The car he made for her. What day is it? What time is it? Ugh. He says he came by to see her but she wasn't here, so he figured he'd wash the car since there was sap and neglect on it and that can ruin the paint almost as fast as their relationship got ruined. Lorelai tells him to stop washing the car. But there's still soap on it! She pulls him away with the soap all over the car in the sunlight. She tells him to put the "squirty-thing down." She pulls him into the kitchen. CuteDean says he didn't mean to bother her and he can just wait outside until Rory gets home. Lorelai reminds him that Rory's at Richard's today. CuteDean sighs and says he must have forgotten. She probably told him. He says he'll go. Lorelai sits him down to talk. She asks if he's okay. CuteDean says he just doesn't remember Rory telling him about her studying today or he wouldn't have come over. Because she probably didn't tell him. Lorelai asks if she can give him a little advice: "First, I just want to tell you I think you are a great guy. You're so good to Rory. And even though I always hoped she'd be the one girl in the world who wouldn't look at a boy until she's thirty-eight, I'm really glad she found you." CuteDean thanks her cutely. Lorelai says she can tell things are a little off between the two of them and she gets it. She says she knows that when things are out of whack people get scared so they do things at a faster, more intense pace because they're scared and that can get scary for the other person. Lorelai says he doesn't need to call ten times in a three-hour period. CuteDean admits it was fourteen times. He asks if he's holding on too hard to Rory. Lorelai says she thinks CuteDean thinks he's losing Rory and so he's acting this way. CuteDean says he wants things to be the way they used to be. Lorelai suggests that he give Rory a little space. Give her time to miss him. Let her relax and come to him first. CuteDean asks if she's telling him this to get rid of him. Lorelai says if she was trying to get rid of him she'd tell him about her family. She thinks this might help, is all. "Just try it," she says. If it doesn't work, he can wash her car too. CuteDean says he'll go, and asks Lorelai to not tell Rory he was there. Lorelai says she was just sitting at the table talking to herself. "Again." I hope she also goes and finishes washing Rory's car. Or dirties it up again. CuteDean thanks her and leaves. Poor CuteDean. Yay! Commercial!
Sookie is still yelling at the poor customer service person. It's been like five days! "I hate you!" she screams as she slams down the phone. She tells Lorelai to spread the word about the wedding because that's how they did it in the old days and that's good enough for her wedding. Who needs invites? Michel enters and asks Lorelai what the hell is wrong with her. "Why in God's name would you tell my mother that I don't eat carbs?" he shrieks. He says it's private information. Lorelai says that everyone in Stars Hollow knows he doesn't eat carbs and he should calm down and have some toast. She says she assumed his mother knew he gave up carbs a year ago since they're so close. Michel says when you assume you do some stupid American thing that involves a donkey. He says he talks about superficial things with his mother, like Posh Spice and David Beckham. They talk about nothing of value or substance. But now she knows he was hiding something, so she wants to know everything. Why did he leave France at eighteen? Who are his friends? Where does he go at night? Why has he chosen this career? She won't stop. He can't stand it. He took a six-hour bath last night to escape the incessant nagging. He yells at Lorelai that he hates her for turning his friend into a Mother. "I hate you very, very much!" he screams and runs out of the kitchen. Sookie asks Lorelai if she feels better now. "Yeah, I do. Thanks," Lorelai says.
Business Fair. Okay, so three weeks have passed? I thought MamaMichel was only here for four days. Paris tells Rory that she's scoped the room and their product is totally going to win. Rory holds an R. Crumb RX 2002 and says she thought the Locker Alarm was pretty cool. Paris says nobody pays attention to car alarms so who's going to care about a locker alarm? "We are it," she says. Richard walks up. Paris manically asks him what he thinks. Richard says that every single idea in that room is worthless, and they're a lock. Paris and Richard celebrate their impending win as Rory (who hasn't done a thing on this project, from what I can tell) stands between them nervously. Handlin, the school's headmaster, walks up to shake Richard's hand. Richard says he's been advising on the project. Handlin says they don't see him at the club very much anymore. Richard says he's been busy. Handlin asks if Richard really did retire. Richard says he did right before Christmas. Handlin says they couldn't believe it. He can't picture him retired. Richard says it was the best move he's ever made. It's given him time to do lots of wonderful things. Handlin asks what kind of things Richard's been doing. Richard says that this project is one of them. Handlin laughs like that's a joke and excuses himself to go back to his real job that pays money and doesn't involve pretend jobs. Handlin says he'll have his Biddy give his Em a call to make dinner plans. Richard looks off in the distance, sensing Handlin's thoughts.
Paris asks Rory if she saw the Hose Hook idea at another table. A hook on your belt for your garden hose. "There's a Buster Keaton routine waiting to happen," she says. Richard walks back up and asks how they're doing. Where's the rest of the group? Rory says that Paris is practicing spiking the football and doing a backflip. Handlin calls the floor to order to announce the winner of the project. Oh, I just saw Fraulein in the background. Handlin congratulates all of the students on their projects. The winner is table ten, the Locker Alarm. They all grab each other and celebrate. Richard says this is impossible. Paris is outraged. She says the alarm doesn't even work. Rory says it doesn't really matter. Richard says that it does. They all put in an extraordinary amount of work and they had the best project and so they should win. Paris agrees. Rory says they didn't win. Richard says he's going to talk to Headmaster Handlin about this because they were "robbed."
Richard asks Handlin for a word. He tells him that this contest is a disgrace. He's been in this business for thirty-five years and he's learned a thing or two about things in that time. He says out in the real world the locker alarm that doesn't even work properly wouldn't be a sound business investment. Handlin reminds Richard that they aren't in the real world. Richard says they're supposed to be preparing the kids for the real world. Handlin asks him to calm down. Richard shouts that he demands a recount. Handlin tells him to hold on, counts to three in his head, and says, "I just recounted. The alarm still wins." He says that Richard's project was good and was in the running. Richard says it's not his project; it's the children's project. Handlin asks why is Richard the only one making a scene, then. Richard exhales and walks away as the strummy music kicks in. Paris and Rory share a look.
Rory pouts out of the Jeep and tells Lorelai that Richard was miserable. They're walking up for Friday dinner, so you figure it all out. Lorelai says when Richard gets mad he gets taller. The night she told him she was pregnant he got twenty-four feet tall. Rory feels guilty, but Lorelai tells her she did nothing. Rory asks Lorelai not to talk about work, retirement, school, or Chilton. They ring the doorbell. Lorelai says she'll only discuss politics and religion. Emily answers the door solemnly. She invites them in. She says that dinner is almost ready and calls to Richard. She says he came home silently, slammed the door to his study, and has been holed up in there ever since. Lorelai asks if Richard's still up there. Emily says she would have seen it if he left the room: "Not everybody leaves this house by climbing out the window and jumping into a waiting hot rod." Heh. She asks Rory what happened today. Rory says the project went badly. Emily says she's at her wit's end and can't believe he's falling apart over a high-school project. Lorelai says it's a weird time for Richard right now. She says maybe he should talk to a psychiatrist. Emily says that they don't go to psychiatrists. They aren't disturbed deviants with multiple personalities that hear dogs talking, who roam the streets licking parking meters. "thing you know you'll be suggesting I go to a psychiatrist," Emily says. Lorelai takes a second and then says quietly to Rory, "Too many comebacks. I cannot pick."
Richard arrives, full of life and happiness. He says he's starving and asks what's for dinner. Emily asks what he means. Richard asks what sort of food products will appear on various plates. Emily is shocked that Richard came home in such a state, locked himself in his room all day, and now comes down without even a mention of his prior behavior. Richard says he had a lot of thinking to do. He thanks Rory for making him have to do all that thinking. He says this entire week with Rory and the first-aid kit (he calls the people at Rory's school "yarnheads," which is the best insult I've heard in months and I cannot wait to start calling people "yarnheads") has made him realize that he doesn't want to be retired. He hates it. Everyone's hating on things this episode. Rory asks what he's going to do. Richard says he's going to go into business for himself. Emily asks what he's going to do. Richard isn't sure yet. He could consult or teach. He says he's qualified to teach at that business college where Lorelai takes classes. "Oh, my God," Lorelai moans. "Who's the Boss: The Later Years." Why is Emily in that Sgt. Pepper uniform? Richard says he's got the buzz and he owes it all to Rory. Rory, who once again hasn't done anything, says she's glad she could help. Lorelai tells Emily that licking parking meters might just be around the corner for Richard.
Driving home, Lorelai tells Rory that dinner was really good. Rory says that all of Emily's dinners are good. She says it like Emily had anything to do with the preparation or the cooking of the meal. Lorelai loved the rolls. She loved the rolls so much she stole four and put them in her purse. Rory finds a roll in Lorelai's purse and asks if she has any shame. Rory gets a page. It's CuteDean. She says that he hasn't been calling or paging her as often and now she is almost starting to miss him. Lorelai says he might be calming down. She asks if Rory wants to call him on her cell phone. Rory says she'll just call him tomorrow. Nice use of a pager. Lorelai says it's still early and that Rory could go out with him for a little while. Rory already has plans with Lane. They're going to listen to CDs. MamaLane's out of town until Sunday so they're going to sneak out and go to Luke's. Lorelai asks why she'd go to Luke's when she just ate. Rory says she doesn't even know if they'll really go to Luke's. It's just a "maybe." "Maybe" she'll make out with Jess.
Lorelai drops Rory off at Lane's. She asks if Rory's sure she doesn't want to call Dean. "Nope. Tomorrow's fine," Rory smiles. Lorelai nods and drives off.
Home. Lorelai pulls up and sees CuteDean sitting on the steps of the house. Oh, it's all so sad, with the strummy music and the la-la's and everything. Lorelai pouts up to CuteDean. In perfect heartbroken delivery, CuteDean says, "She likes Jess, doesn't she?" Lorelai can only pout and try not to cry with the rest of us. CuteDean sighs, stands up, and lumbers off. He's so tall. Come to me, CuteDean! You'll find something so much better out there! She's not worth your pain!
week: the promo tells us there's going to be a car accident that Jess causes, so Rory goes to the hospital and Lorelai fights with Luke. It's just a ploy to remove the last remnant of CuteDean from Rory's life, I'm sure. Also, I don't trust these promos anymore. Probably it's Michel's car and it got messed up at a Monster Truck Rally.