Previously on Gilmore Girls: Rory has a dad named Christopher. He is, or was, a "rebel" with a motorcycle. He asked Lorelai to marry him. She said no because he's a deadbeat. MamaLane figured out that Lane has a boyfriend. Lane doesn't, really, because Henry broke up with her, but they still had a big fight during which MamaLane sent Lane to her room. This week, they show almost that entire scene just so we know why Lane is grounded now, even though Lane and MamaLane already worked through their fight. Chris is just starting to become dependable, and now owns a Volvo. He also has a live-in girlfriend, which he only told Lorelai after she kissed him and asked him back to her house.
We open with Lorelai complaining that "music has charms to soothe the savage breast" has been changed to "beast" in our cliché dictionaries. Rory says she doesn't know how that happened. Lorelai asks why it happened again. Rory doesn't want to discuss it any further. Neither do I.
Luke's. It's completely empty. Lorelai and Rory are shocked. Luke says it's just one of those weird between-rush lulls, and that it'll fill back up again soon. The girls are so happy to get to pick wherever they want to sit. They debate the table with the corner view, the table for gangsters where you'll be able to see who's fixing to kill you, or the bar where they can play bagel hockey. I said it in one sentence. They took about twenty to include a gangster joke, comments on the views of Stars Hollow, and Luke complaining about the chattering. Really it's just empty so they don't have to pay for as many extras. Luke tells the girls to just sit down. They comment that he's awfully cranky to his only two customers.
As they sit at their usual table, Rory reminds Lorelai that her Chilton debate is on Friday afternoon. Lorelai asks if she's prepared. Rory says that she and Paris know everything there is to know about doctor-assisted suicide. Luke gets a phone call. It's for Rory. "But no one knows we're here," Rory says. Lorelai says the entire morning has been "kinda Twilight Zone-y." Luke adds that it's also The Outer Limits-y. Then for some reason Lorelai doesn't know what The Outer Limits is and they have a discussion about how it's a neglected show in the Pop Culture reference section. Lorelai says she doesn't speak Geek. Luke says he stepped right into that one and blah, blah, blah -- Lane's on the phone. Lane's grounded, but watching Stars Hollow through her window using a telescope. She says she had a clear shot of Rory and Lorelai walking into Luke's. Rory walks over to the window. Luke tells her to be careful of the phone cord. "Yeah, duck, Harvey," Lorelai quickly jabs. Rory can't believe that Lane is still grounded. Lane says this is the mother of all groundings, just shy of getting a "Dr. Dre ankle bracelet" on her. MamaLane has gone so far as to get Lane pulled out of school for a little while in order to home-school her. Rory thinks this is illegal; so do I. MamaLane apparently told Lane's school that she was "highly contagious" with something. Lane says she only gets five minutes a day to make outside calls, but she has an unlimited number of minutes to call the "Psalm-A-Day" line. She says it's a rip-off because "Psalm-A-Day" has been playing Psalm 79 for three straight days. Lane is upset because that infringes on the claim "Psalm-A-Day" makes by having their name include the words "A-Day." Rory comments on how riled up Lane is about this. Lane says that her world has become very small. Lane asks for Rory's news. Rory says that she's got a big debate coming up. CuteDean's been working late hours saving up for a new motorcycle so she never sees him. Rory and Lorelai haven't done laundry in three weeks but she now jumps in the dirty clothes pile as they listen to polka. MamaLane calls Lane downstairs for her snack (tea and melba toast). I swear this script has to be a million pages long. So many words. Rory throws the phone back to Luke. Luke catches it, which inspires Lorelai to consider Luke for goalie of the bagel hockey team. "And bump Schmitty?" Rory asks. Lorelai says that Schmitty is old. "Suit up, kid!" Lorelai shouts to Luke. "Call me if anyone sane walks in," Luke retorts, and they somehow decide that's the line with which to go to opening credits.
Rory and Lorelai watch Two Fat Ladies on television. Rory doesn't want to watch a cooking show. She says they've seen all of them. Lorelai says it's because one of the Two Fat Ladies died. Rory asks which one. "The fat one," we all say in unison. Even Lauren Graham looks like she knows she has to make a lame joke. The doorbell rings. Rory goes to answer it, and asks if they can find "some other really fat people to watch." Lorelai comments that Rory sounded insensitive. She did.
It's Paris at the door. Paris invites herself in. She's mopey and carrying luggage. Paris says they need to do more studying before Friday. Rory tells Paris that the two of them know so much about assisted suicide that Kevorkian called her up today for pointers. Bah-dum-bum. Paris wants to address their presentation issues. She thinks that Rory's WPM (Words Per Minute) is too low. Rory's not talking fast enough. The part I like in this scene is that Paris says she's listening to the CDs she burned of the cassettes she made of the mock debate that they did. So she taped Rory talking to a wall and then burned a CD of it. I love that. Rory's only doing 135 WPM and it's "Jimmy-Bob slow." Paris brags that she's at 178. Rory says she sometimes adds a dramatic pause for effect. Paris: "Let's not harbor any Pinteresque fantasies here, Rory." Here's the thing. It's not that Daniel Palladino isn't clever. I can see what he's trying to do, and where he's going. It just isn't executed well. It's always so clunky and forced. Rory and Paris go to study. What's upstairs? Just Lorelai's room? ["And a bathroom, I believe. I think Paris changed in the upstairs bathroom before her date with Tristan." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai asks Paris if they were expecting her. "You should've been," Paris answers. Rory tells Lorelai she's going to work on her WPM. Lorelai asks if she wants to know. Rory says no. The phone rings. "I'll get it!" Lorelai screams at the back of Rory's head.
It's Christopher. He's on a business trip close to Stars Hollow and wanted to see how Rory was doing. He's in town for a couple of days. Lorelai invites Christopher to the Chilton debate. Christopher says he'd love to see Chilton. Lorelai adds that Paris will be there, so he might even get to see casualties. Christopher says he'll go. Lorelai says that Rory will be so happy. Right. Rory. Lorelai rounds the corner to Rory's room to hear Paris berating Rory for eating dairy products. Dairy makes mucus, which will slow down the WPM. Rory takes the phone. Paris asks Lorelai if she gave Rory the cereal with the dairy. "I'd rather not say," Lorelai says, ending the scene.
The "Sneaky Music of Stars Hollow Quirkiness" starts up as Rory walks down some street in Stars Hollow. A pay phone starts ringing. Rory answers. It's Lane, with her telescope again. Didn't they have text messengers in an old episode? Rory says that Lane is stalking her. Lane has an emergency. There's a new Belle and Sebastian single coming out today. Rory says she already knows that. Lane says she has to have it. Rory says she doesn't know if she has time to pick it up. Lane says she already used up her five minutes today talking to Amazon.com trying to get them to overnight the single in a brown wrapper that advertised some kind of Korean religious literature. Lane says she thinks they notified the government. Rory, always the unsympathetic friend, asks Lane why she can't just wait for her grounding to be over. Lane says that being a fanatic audiophile comes with lots of responsibilities. Lane says she has to have the single and Rory has to find a way to get it to her. Rory says she'll do her best. Lane tells her that she's got something in her teeth and hangs up. Rory checks her reflection in the phone as the Stars Hollow basketball team walks by behind her. We know it's the basketball team because the guy in front is carrying a basketball. Subtle.
Chilton. Sookie and Lorelai show up for the debate. Lorelai asks Rory why she didn't show up at the vending machine for their pre-debate, non-dairy snack. Rory says that Paris had her do a sound check and then things got worse from there. Paris rushes behind them yelling that an entire row of seats needs to be moved because it's causing a bass problem. She speaks in English and Spanish, barking orders and telling people they have to move. Rory tells Lorelai and Sookie to find seats before Paris moves them all. Whee! "Glad you came," Rory says to Sookie. "No, you're not!" Sookie says, shoving a finger in Rory's face. She laughs and says she was just getting Rory in the mood. Rory leaves. Lorelai asks Sookie if she sees Christopher anywhere. Sookie takes a look around and says that she doesn't. Then she admits that she's never met Christopher, so she doesn't really know who she's looking for. She just tries to imagine "a guy that looks like a guy that [Lorelai] could be with, having deducted seventeen years off his age but adding a schoolboy's uniform and a Yankees cap." Lorelai asks, "And does your head hurt?" "Yeah," Sookie says. That's my favorite part of this episode. It's all pretty much blah from here.
The debate starts. We can see that Brad from theRomeo and Julietfiasco has indeed changed schools and is now going to be debating Rory and Paris. He says he loves his new school because it's "way more mellow" and he made a "ton of new friends." Isn't that how all teens talk? Fer sure, mad peeps. Brad pretty much breaks into hives the moment he sees Paris walk onstage. Brad's debate partner's name is Nancy. She tells Brad that he looks sick. He says he feels sick. When Rory's and Paris's names are announced, Sookie and Lorelai break into giant TRL-worthy "woo"ing. They stop when nobody else joins in. Sookie asks if they weren't supposed to do that. Lorelai hopes that nobody noticed them. As they set up, Paris whispers to Rory that she complimented a judge's outfit yesterday and now she loves Paris. After a flip of a coin (where Brad just chooses whichever one he thinks Paris wants him to choose), Paris and Rory get to choose their side and start first. Paris chooses "Pro assisted suicide" and they get started. Rory talks first. Paris starts snapping, trying to get Rory to talk faster. Lorelai comments that Brad is shaking. He does indeed look horrible. Christopher walks in at the back of the room. Lorelai somehow senses this and turns to see him. He waves. She waves back. Enter the girlfriend, just as Rory says the word "euthanasia." Commercial break.
Brad and Nancy are now sobbing as Paris tears down all of their arguments. Sookie turns around and catches a glance at the girlfriend without being subtle at all. "Hey, Circus Lady!" Lorelai says. "What's with the contortions?" Sookie admits she's trying to sneak a peek. Lorelai says that Sookie isn't sneaking at all, and adds that she's not curious, since they'll meet the girlfriend very soon. Lorelai then drops a hankie to the ground and catches a glance at the lady. A hankie? Paris runs out of time in her rebuttal. Paris asks if she can get a bit more time to address one of the opposing team's issues. "We take it back!" Brad shouts. Paris says they can't take it back, since it's a debate. The judge says there has been enough cruelty for one day and grants Paris's team the victory. Paris thanks the crowd. They clap. Paris shakes the hands of Brad and Nancy, who are still in shambles. Rory offers to hug Brad. He says he'd rather sit there quietly. End of scene.
Out in the hall, Sookie and Lorelai stare at Christopher and the girlfriend and then hide behind a wall. Sookie says that the girlfriend has good hair. Plus, she's been sitting for an hour and there isn't one wrinkle on her dress. Lorelai says that she must be a witch. Sookie adds that she's getting away with not wearing any pantyhose. "Good hair, wrinkle-free, no-hose-wearing witch," Lorelai concludes.
Lorelai and Sookie walk out to meet the witch. Christopher introduces her as Sherri. It's Mädchen Amick, who played Shelly on Twin Peaks. Sherri says it's nice to meet Lorelai finally. Lorelai says she remembers Sherri from her Christmas card. Christopher notes that Lorelai probably mocked their card soundly. Lorelai says she mocked all of the others, but not theirs; she introduces Sookie. "You have a very smooth dress," Sookie compliments Sherri. Sherri says that it's the fabric. This seems to please Sookie. Christopher and Sookie tell each other that they're "The Famous" one, and Christopher somehow manages to place Sookie behind some other chef. Sookie is upset that she's the second-best chef in the world and wants to know where he heard such a blasphemous rumor. Rory saves Christopher by saying, "Hey, Dad! You came!" Christopher says "of course" he came. "Sorry, I'm still getting used to it," Rory says. Just a little jab there, but nobody says anything about it. Christopher introduces Sherri. They hadn't met? Why did I think they did? Sherri starts babbling on about "Finally, finally, finally" and how great it is to meet Rory and how Christopher never stops talking about Rory and Sherri never stops talking. Sherri's given the "amazing" line, keeping up with the rule. Rory blushes. Sherri apologizes. Lorelai excuses herself and Rory to go whisper around the corner.
Sookie goes back to grilling Christopher about her second-place status as Lorelai escorts Rory around the bend. Rory and Lorelai both moan about the fact that Sherri is there. "She's a witch," Lorelai informs Rory. They wonder where to take a fancy pretty lady like Sherri. They ultimately decide to take her back to their house, even though it's messy. They walk back to the group. Sookie's still complaining until Lorelai tells her that she's the greatest chef in the world. This seems to pacify Sookie. Everyone gives a sigh of relief. Lorelai invites Christopher and Sherri over. "Sherri would love that," Christopher says. What a weird thing to say. Sherri's like a Stepford mom in this episode. Sherri goes on and on about how great it'll be to finally see Rory's books. Hey, Sherri. You didn't get a golden ticket to the Willy Wonka Factory. Quit treating Rory like a tourist trap. I mean, it's only like, a few shelves of books. It's not like a library or anything. Whatever. Why am I even bothering? Why are we only halfway through this episode? When can I stop typing? When do these scenes end? Paris runs up as the others walk away and congratulates Rory on a great job. She says the transcripts of the debate are almost ready and they can sit and pore over them, seeing where they were right and where they went wrong. Rory says she has to leave with her "group," and poor Paris has to celebrate alone. She stomps off in a pout.
Rory and Lorelai frantically clean up their house. There are clothes everywhere, which they just shove into closets as Christopher and Sherri arrive. Christopher jokes that Lorelai might not have had enough time to finish cleaning and that Lorelai sped out of the parking lot to beat them home. Lorelai says they love having company. Sherri says the house is great. "Thanks. We like it," Lorelai says. Did that sound snippy to you? Sherri compliments Rory's debating skills. They discuss Paris's debate tactics. Sherri says that Rory is poised and confident just like her father. "And your mom," Christopher adds. "Aw, shucks, Pa," Lorelai jokes. Sherri says that Rory's uniform is very pretty. She adds that Rory probably looks good in anything. "Oh, yeah," Lorelai says. "You should see her in chaps." Sherri doesn't understand that Lorelai's making a joke. Christopher is flirting with Lorelai. Sherri tells Rory that she also went to private school, but that her uniform was red and white so she looked like a giant peppermint stick. I'm so bored I could cry. She says this is why she's now addicted to clothes -- because she's not chained to a uniform. Rory sympathizes. Sherri pounces and says that she and Rory should go shopping for "clothes or whatever." Rory says that would be fine. "Soon, okay?" Sherri says with much desperation. Lorelai leaves to get drinks. Sherri pounces again and demands to help, even though Lorelai tries to talk her out of it. As Lorelai and Sherri walk toward the kitchen, Sherri totally picks her butt. That's so strange. I wonder if that'll be a thing they come back to, or if they just left it in because they hated Mädchen Amick. I mean, why would you show an actress picking out her wedgie unless they wanted us to see and note that?
In the kitchen, Lorelai prattles on about cups and water until Sherri acknowledges that this whole thing is kind of awkward. Lorelai says they're not used to having company, just three minutes after she said the words "We like having company." Lorelai celebrates finding apple juice that hasn't expired. A million words later, Sherri pretty much tells Lorelai that she doesn't have to try to make nice with her. She doesn't need to be friends or even see Lorelai again. She's trying to tell Lorelai that she's fine having privacy and separate lives, but Lorelai takes it as, "I don't like you. I'm here to steal your daughter." She's kind of saying both, I think. Sherri says she wants to know Rory. Lorelai says that's okay. Sherri says that things are "speeding up" between her and Christopher. This doesn't sit well with Lorelai. This goes on and on along the lines that Christopher used to be a shitty dad, but now he calls once a week always, like clockwork, no matter where he is. Great. Wanna help with Chilton payments, Daddy? Sherri asks if she can hang out with Rory on this trip, say tonight instead of going to Emily's house for Friday dinner. She says she knows that Rory can get out of dinner for certain circumstances or a "pressing need." Sherri says she doesn't know when she'll have another opportunity like this. Does she think Stars Hollow has a mall? Lorelai says that if it's okay with Rory, it's okay with her. Sherri says that Lorelai's just as great as Christopher said she was. Sherri goes back to the living room.
Instantly, the phone rings, and Lorelai yells for Rory to pick it up. Rory says the machine can get it, but it's Lorelai calling on her cell phone, so she yells for Rory to answer it in case it's important. Rory answers. Lorelai talks quietly and gives her the low-down on Sherri wanting to take Rory out tonight. She tells Rory to say, "Sorry, Leonard, we got company. I'll have to call you back," if it's okay with her. Rory says the line. They hang up.
Lorelai comes right back into the room. Christopher starts grilling, asking who Leonard is. Lorelai and Rory stammer that Leonard is a "mutual friend." Sherri starts asking Rory out for the evening, but stops to flirt with Christopher quickly. Christopher stares at Lorelai while he's flirting with Sherri, holding her hand right on the couch. Ick. Rory agrees to go out, even though she'll be missing dinner. Christopher says he'll just eat dinner alone. Lorelai invites him to her house. Yeah, because it was such a rousing success last time for Christopher to be there, wasn't it? Anyway, Sherri tells him to go, and so he agrees. Sherri says they need to go home and get ready for their evenings out. They say goodbye. "Bye, Leonard," Christopher flirts to Lorelai. Fade to commercial.
For the first time in a while, we get that "If you're just tuning in" thing here, but it's not the normal WB guy's voice. Also, they completely exaggerate and says that "Lorelai's worst nightmare" has come true with Christopher bringing Sherri to Stars Hollow.
Lorelai tells Rory to hurry. Rory says that Christopher is never on time. Lorelai notes that Sherri is always on time. The phone is ringing. Lorelai says that if it's Leonard, she'll call him back. "He's so needy," Rory says as she answers the phone. It's Lane. The CD-drop-off heist has a snag. Her Bible study has been pushed back an hour so that the reverend can get to his handball class. Jokes about handball follow, but not funny ones. Rory says she'll make the necessary adjustments. She fills Lane in on Sherri being there. Lane tells Rory to write a long letter about everything to her and slip it in the CD cover. She asks Rory to include a candid photo of Sherri if she can. Rory promises to try.
Rory hangs up as Christopher and Sherri arrive. Sherri says they won't be too late. Lorelai makes a joke about underage drinking. Rory makes one back. Sherri says in a very condescending tone, "Okay, I'm gonna have to drink a lot of coffee to keep up with you two." We hate all nice girls on this show, don't we? Really. Any sign of nice is met with such mistrust. Sherri and Rory leave. Christopher says that Sherri is really excited, and thanks Lorelai for doing this. Lorelai asks if Sherri has been with him the entire trip, because he never mentioned she was coming. Christopher says he wasn't trying to keep her a secret. He asks if it's okay that he brought Sherri. Lorelai says it was fine, but that she was surprised. She asks again if he was hiding her. He says he wasn't. He asks what she thinks of Sherri. Lorelai says she doesn't really know her very well. Christopher says that Sherri's said nice things about Lorelai and mentioned they had a nice talk in the kitchen. Lorelai gives a "Really?" and then tells Christopher that she thought the opposite happened in the kitchen when Sherri pretty much told Lorelai to stay out of her life. Christopher says that Sherri never mentioned any of that. I don't know what they've done to Christopher's hair, but it looks horrible now.
Outside, Lorelai does something you normally never see people do on television. She locks her front door. I don't even listen to what they're saying because I'm so amazed they have Lorelai locking her front door with a key like normal people do. Christopher tells Lorelai that Sherri was probably just trying to put her at ease so that she doesn't feel like they have to force a relationship. Lorelai asks where she got that idea. Christopher says he didn't tell her to do that. He admits he encouraged Sherri to know Rory, but that he never told her to avoid Lorelai. Christopher says he has no intention of killing Lorelai anytime soon. Lorelai says she's not going anywhere. Christopher tells Lorelai to back off, and says that she'll be in Sherri's life. Christopher then turns the tables and says that Lorelai never really thought of introducing Christopher to Max. He didn't even know about the wedding until the bachelorette party, and that Max got to know Rory pretty well. Now, Max was Rory's teacher, so he knew Rory before he knew Lorelai, and he actually spent a good number of weeks trying to avoid both Rory and Lorelai, so it's not really the same thing. That was also the time that Christopher was living in California or something, right? But still, yes, Lorelai never told Christopher that she was engaged to a man she didn't love because she still loves Christopher. These scenes are so long! Lorelai says that Christopher would have been a part of the Max equation. ["Stop talking about Max so much, everyone -- you'll summon him back!" -- Wing Chun] Christopher promises the same thing as he opens the door for her.
Emily's. Emily is surprised to see Christopher and asks where Rory is. Lorelai didn't tell Emily that she was bringing Christopher instead? Lorelai, you make some dumb-ass decisions. Emily asks if Rory's sick. Lorelai says she's not. Richard is so happy to see Christopher. They chat about golf and how great people look. They all ask for drinks. Emily asks where Rory is, and Richard finally notices that Rory isn't there. Richard says that Rory usually slips in so quietly that he hardly notices her. That's so not true. Everyone asks for a cherry in his or her drink. Then Lorelai tells Emily that she has an "eagle eye." I am going to pretend not to notice the forced "Eagle Eye Cherry" joke they just made. Christopher tells Emily that Rory is out with Sherri. This isn't making Emily happy at all. Lorelai says that she should have called. Emily asks how long Christopher has been with "this woman." The words "eight months" come in all strong and strange like they had to dub in later how long they had been dating because they initially got the time wrong. It looks like he said "a month." Richard says he bets Sherri's pretty. Lorelai says that she is. Richard asks whether Lorelai has something in her eye. Sherri works for L'Oréal. Emily asks what they're doing. Lorelai says it's dinner and a movie. She says it was her fault for not calling. Richard gives a monologue about how travelling on business isn't glamorous, and that usually you never get to see the city you're in. Christopher says his trips are pretty local -- just him and his Volvo. Emily and Richard are stunned and impressed that Christopher has the affordable, safe, family-ready Volvo. Lorelai adds that it's also a great car for "cranking Metallica." Richard doesn't appreciate Lorelai making jokes about drugs. Emily asks whether Christopher is planning on having a family with "this woman." Lorelai tells Emily to back off on the grilling. Christopher says he still drives a motorcycle. Richard then launches into the PSA against motorcycles and insurance reports that are grisly with people getting scraped off the highway. Did my mother write this segment on cars and motorcycles and business trips? Emily asks if they're living together. Lorelai tries to stop the third degree, but Christopher says it's fine. He says they are living together, but that they're looking for something bigger in a nicer area. They're looking for something historical. Emily says that lots of the historical homes are filled with mold and kill you slowly. She says she read it in "The New York Times Magazine." She says a new place has shoddy craftsmanship. She then yells that she thinks Rory shouldn't miss a dinner except if she's sick or there's an emergency. Christopher apologizes. Lorelai says that Christopher's apologized a million times (uh, no, this was the first time). Christopher offers to call Sherri and have her bring Rory by after the movie. Emily says this isn't what she wanted. She says she doesn't want to be patronized. She leaves the room. "That's just Emily," Richard explains to Christopher. Lorelai leaves to talk to Emily.
Emily is pissed in the kitchen. She asks how Lorelai can let "that awful woman" take Rory like that. Lorelai says it's just one night. Emily says that Sherri is just getting her claws into Rory and that they'll never see her again. She tells Lorelai to make sure Sherri doesn't take Rory and Lorelai's weekends away. She screeches at Lorelai, "It should've been you!" Okay, I've got to stop here. I can't imagine Emily would feel this way at all. Yes, Christopher was going to become a good businessman, but then he just wasn't, and he was flaky and drove around from city to city on his motorcycle, never taking responsibility, never paying for Rory. I can't imagine that Emily would want Lorelai to end up with this guy at all. If anything, she'd be warning Lorelai that he'd just hurt her again. Emily tells Lorelai she knows she's heartbroken. She says she thought Rory would end up with both of her parents at the end. Lorelai says that the timing was never right. Emily says that it's Lorelai's fault that she didn't get his life together and wasn't the person who helped Christopher get on track? What? Lorelai is furious that Emily would put this blame on her. Emily says there's no other explanation. She says that Christopher has always been crazy about Lorelai, but that she kept him at arm's length like she keeps everyone at arm's length. She says that Christopher is Lorelai's destiny and now it's too late. "Then it wasn't our destiny!" Lorelai shouts. Emily asks whether Lorelai has feelings for Christopher. Lorelai says it's not important, and that what's important is that he's happy. Emily calls Lorelai "impossible" and goes to lie down. She says Lorelai should tell Christopher whatever she feels like telling him. Lorelai shakes her head to the commercial break. Don't you think they could easily hear that screaming in the room?
I've been doing this recap for almost six hours. It's just taking forever. I don't know why. Luke's. Lorelai tells Luke that Rory's on her way. Luke asks why she's not her usual chipper self. He offers to clear the counter so she can play bagel hockey. He even offers to play with her. Lorelai says last night was like starting off stepping in quicksand and ending up with a sixteen-ton anvil landing on your head. Like this episode. Luke goes to bring her coffee. Rory walks in. They take their seats. Lorelai is wearing a pink sweater with a picture of a dog on it. It's very scary. She says that Rory came in very late last night and that she is dying to hear about Rory's night with Sherri. Rory says that Sherri is what she seems. Cautious driver. Lorelai says they won't have Sherri drive their getaway car. Rory asks what they're robbing. "Sephora," Lorelai answers. I swear, my apartment is bugged. Sherri's a big Bruce Springsteen fan. Yick. Father owned a shoe store. Mom taught kindergarten. Sherri likes to touch people. One prior serious relationship, lasted eleven years. Now she wants to get married. Hasn't dated anyone in the past two years. Specific goals for children: two. Lorelai fills Rory in on how Emily freaked about Rory being out with Sherri. Lorelai says that Emily ended up having a "pouty dinner." Rory asks if Emily is mad at her. Lorelai says that nobody is ever mad at the "angel child." It's another line that's almost an insult. Lorelai asks Rory if she ever thought that she and Christopher would get back together someday. Rory says she didn't really, but that she pictured the three of them living together, but in the way that all kids do. She says it's stupid. Lorelai says it isn't. Rory says that she also pictured Lorelai living with Pee-wee Herman so that they could talk to Chairry. She says then she'd later have Lorelai marry Matthew Broderick so they could sit around and talk about his Ferris Bueller days. Lorelai says, "So, should it have been me?" What a weird fucking sentence to lay on your child. Rory doesn't even understand what Lorelai is saying, but then runs off to give Lane her CD, leaving Lorelai with her inappropriate question hanging in the air.
Rory stands by the gazebo and spots Lane walking with MamaLane. Kicky music starts up as Operation Subplot jumps into high gear. Kirk walks over toward MamaLane. He introduces himself. She says she's known him since he was two. "That's no guarantee people remember me," he says. She says she's in a hurry. She stops and Kirk asks when her store hours are. MamaLane launches into her rehearsed speech about how the hours are different depending on if you're a paying customer or not. As MamaLane goes on, a jogger runs past and drops something into Lane's bag. Success! MamaLane and Lane walk off. Kirk nods to Rory. Rory smiles and nods back. The jogger runs over to Rory and passes out on the gazebo. He lowers his hood. It's Michel. He's exhausted. Nobody told him that the drop got pushed back an hour and he's been running around Stars Hollow for the past sixty minutes. He hates everyone. Lorelai forgets to be responsible yet again. Michel calls Rory an "evil girl."
Back inside Luke's, Sherri and Christopher enter to say their "last goodbye." Sherri says she's going to go outside and look for Rory because she wants to legally adopt Rory tomorrow. Basically. She tells Lorelai she heard that their dinner was good. Christopher makes a face behind her to Lorelai that says, "Lie! I lie to her all the time!" Lorelai says dinner was great. Sherri says she'd love to see that house sometime: "Especially that portrait of Rory in the study." It's like she's stalking Rory. It creeps me out. Sherri leaves -- for the last time, I hope. She tells Lorelai to send her a picture of the portrait. She leaves to "corral" Rory. I hate that word.
Christopher sits to flirt with Lorelai some more. He apologizes for putting her in that situation with Emily. Lorelai says that it's never simple dealing with Emily. Christopher sees that Rory and Sherri have found each other. He says that Sherri had a good time last night and he hopes that Rory did, too. Lorelai says she seemed to. Lorelai says that she has something to say to him. "I, um, I kinda realized something?" she starts. She says that all of these years, no matter if she was single or engaged or whatever, she always had him in the back of her head, as a possible prospect, as someone she could end up being with, but she always had it on hold. She waited for him to find himself and get himself together, and she sabotaged every relationship she's had, even the one with Max, because she was waiting for Christopher to finally be ready. She says that now that she sees him with Sherri she thinks she can move beyond it. Christopher isn't happy. "How dare you put that on me," he says. She asks what's wrong. Christopher yells that she's dumping fifteen years of unhappiness on him. Sixteen, actually. Almost seventeen. Fifteen years of not having good relationships because of him. Max is his fault. He says that he doesn't deserve to be blamed for all of this. He's not going to apologize or comfort her. He stands up and yells that if there's anything else she wants to dump on him she should just leave a note. Over Christopher's right shoulder, we see Luke taking all of this in, but saying nothing. Christopher leaves. Lorelai makes eye contact with Luke. Luke looks down. Lorelai looks down and around. She sees Christopher still talking with Sherri and Rory. Lorelai looks miserable. Strangely, that's the end of the episode.
In two weeks, there's more Jess/Rory/Dean. ["Great. More FUCKING JESS." -- Wing Chun] They have the nerve to call CuteDean an "obstacle." That's CuteObstacle to you! Aw, man. I don't even mean that anymore. They beat all of the cute out of him this season. He's just Dean. Okay? Fine. All of you win. He's just plain ol' Dean. Gah.