Luke's. Luke's got some helper who sure isn't Jess and I've never seen him before. Rory and Lorelai walk in. Lorelai remarks that it's busy. Rory says that Luke gets good word-of-mouth. Lorelai says that they have to start spreading bad word-of-mouth if they want to keep getting a table. They debate briefly what kind of bad rumours they should spread, including vermin. Lorelai sees Luke talking to a customer and comments that it's strange to see him laughing and conversing with someone, since he's usually the "master of the monosyllable." Lorelai comments that Luke never flirts with any of the women. Rory says that he's flirted with Lorelai on more than one occasion, and tells her to flirt with him now so they can get some coffee. Lorelai flails a napkin in the air and "yoohoo"s for Luke to be attentive to their needs. Luke yells for Lorelai to cram it and sit on it until he's ready to serve them. Rory says she found a CD under the front seat of the car and was wondering whether Lorelai lost one. Lorelai says she didn't. Rory accuses Lorelai of hiding this particular CD. Lorelai asks why she would hide a CD. "I don't know," Rory says. "Bay City Rollers?" Lorelai says that it's not a Bay City Rollers CD and Rory traps Lorelai in her lie. She's been hiding Barry Manilow underneath the front seat of the car because he's her guilty pleasure. This CD has a live medley of all the commercials he's written. Rory says that Lorelai doesn't have to justify her Manilove to Rory. Lorelai says that's very diplomatic, considering Rory had a Bryan Adams poster over her bed. ["My sister and I argued for about five minutes at this point over whether Rory's too young to care about Bryan Adams or even know who he is. Ultimately we decided she might be." -- Wing Chun] Rory calls Lorelai a "fink." Lorelai tries to engage Luke in the conversation, but he's back to being monosyllabic. Rory orders breakfast, and Luke leaves. Lorelai asks whether Luke has dated anyone since Rachel. Rory says she doesn't know where Luke would have met any women anyway, since he's always in the diner or his apartment. Lorelai fantasizes that Luke's got a "little chippy" stowed away somewhere that he keeps on the side. Lorelai predicts that Luke's going to be a bachelor for life. Rory says there's someone out there for everyone. Rory starts laughing and admits she's thinking about Barry Manilow. She starts singing "Looks Like We Made It." Lorelai: "Oh, yeah? Spice Girls." Rory: "Duran Duran." Lorelai: "Dido." Rory: "Olivia Newton-John." Lorelai reminds Rory that she and Lane were doing the Macarena for hours and hours for weeks on end. Rory says they were mocking the Macarena and you can't mock the mocking. They decide to stop fighting and be friends again. They clink coffee mugs. Rory giggles and Lorelai yells for her to stop. Opening credits.
Morning. Lorelai walks into the kitchen and tells Rory that the car's dead. She imitates the horrible sound it's making, adding that the actual sound is "less feminine." Rory diagnoses the problem as the battery. Lorelai asks what she ever did to make the battery so angry. Rory reminds Lorelai of the time she left the radio on in the car all night, killing the battery, and the time she left the lights on in the car all night, killing the battery, and the many times she's kept the door open all night thus leaving the overhead light on, killing the battery. Lorelai admits that she's done multiple things to make the battery mad. Rory asks whether Lorelai is going to walk. Lorelai says she's wearing heels. Rory tells her to change her shoes. Lorelai says she would have to change her outfit. To change her outfit, she'd have to walk upstairs. Rory says that it's like living with Zsa Zsa Gabor. Lorelai gets on the phone to call Michel as Rory complains that her backpack is too small to hold all of her books. Michel picks up the phone at the Independence Inn and Lorelai puts him on hold to tell Rory that her backpack isn't too small -- she's just got too many books. Michel has to stay on hold as Lorelai has a long conversation about Rory's many books. Rory has three different books for reading on the bus depending on her mood, books to read at lunch, essays, biographies, short stories and novels. Michel is losing his patience as Lorelai continues a conversation that doesn't involve him. ["I realized I was getting too involved in the show when I was getting vicariously furious on Michel's behalf because Lorelai was being so inconsiderate." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai tells Michel to come pick her up. Michel says he's already at work. She tells him to put Carol on the desk and to come pick her up. Michel Frenches that he's not speaking to Carol because she ate his low-fat cheese. Hee. Lorelai promises to buy Michel more low-fat American cheese if he comes and picks her up. Michel adds a cookie to that contract, and it's a deal. Rory brags that she fit all of her books in her bag. Lorelai shows her that she forgot her French book. Rory says she was planning on carrying her French book, anyway. Lorelai jokes that Rory's going to fall over backwards from the weight of the book, and Rory says goodbye.
Skip forward to lunch. Rory carries her tray over to a lunch table and sits down. She pulls out her book and her Discman. She starts blasting music and opens her can of juice. A woman practically shoves Rory's arm, startling Rory. The woman apologizes, and Rory says she startles easily. The woman introduces herself as the guidance counselor and asks Rory if they can have a chat soon. Rory says that would be fine, and the counselor asks Rory to stop by her office when she's done eating. Rory jokes about the meeting being so soon and asks what it's about. The counselor gives no hints, and just tells Rory to stop by when she's finished.
Cut to the counselor's office. Rory walks in and takes a seat when asked. The counselor tells Rory she'll write a note if she's late for her class. She says she knows Rory's a stickler for punctuality. Rory agrees that she is, and says she only slipped once last year when she hit a deer, or the deer hit her, or whatever it was that happened back then. Rory talks about it for quite some time and then admits she should be better at telling this story by now. The counselor says that she and Headmaster Charleston are worried about Rory's behavior, and that they've been observing her for some time. Rory's understandably freaked out to hear that they've been watching her. The counselor says they're concerned about Rory's social behavior, in that she doesn't interact with the other students. Rory says she does sometimes interact with other students, but admittedly that's only during class time. The counselor says that, at lunch, Rory's always by herself. Rory says that's when she catches up on her reading. The counselor says that Rory's Walkman makes her almost unapproachable. Rory points out that the counselor approached her, and the counselor counters that Rory almost jumped out of her skin when she did. Rory says she's jumpy. She goes on about the 4th of July celebration in Stars Hollow and how it totally freaks her out. The counselor says that this might affect Rory's future. When they make recommendations to universities, social skills are taken into account. She says that Rory shouldn't want to appear as a loner. Rory says she's not a loner, because she's not some angry guy in a long trenchcoat and bell-bottoms (why the bell-bottoms?), carrying a duffel bag. The counselor says that even pretty girls can be loners, and that Rory should try to "mix it up a bit," starting at lunch. Rory asks whether there's a lunchtime reading and Walkman group she could join. The counselor only gives a bemused sigh.
Lorelai is unhappy about Rory's new assignment. Rory can't believe that she's got to approach people who don't want to be approached and who she doesn't want to approach just so she can get into Harvard. Lorelai is unhappy that Chilton is now dictating Rory's social behavior. She calls the school a cult. Kirk is fixing the Jeep. He calls from the car asking whether Lorelai can identify a bundle of wires. She, of course, cannot. Rory says that she might be a loner and her giant backpack might be one step away from a scary duffel bag. Lorelai tells her not to doubt who she is and complains that Chilton is trying to change Rory and make her doubt herself. Lorelai says she's going to see Headmaster Charleston and give him a piece of her mind. Kirk walks over to say that he fixed the loose connection and recharged the battery. He adds that he's not going to charge her for the amount of time that he was trapped underneath the car. Lorelai thanks him. Kirk says he was listening in on their conversation and he has to admit that he agrees with them. In high school he had a trenchcoat and a duffel bag and he grew up just fine. Kirk walks away as Lorelai and Rory sit in silence. Lorelai says she's still going to talk to Headmaster Charleston.
Chilton. Lorelai enters Headmaster Charleston's office for their meeting. Charleston is shocked that Lorelai has called the meeting, since they never see her around Chilton. Lorelai says she wanted to talk about Rory and how the Chilton administration thinks she's a loner. She says that Rory does what she wants, and as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else, she doesn't see the problem. Headmaster Charleston says that Rory's behavior is hurting Rory. Lorelai disagrees. Charleston says he's not surprised at Lorelai's reaction, based on the research he's done. He pulls out a folder and tells Lorelai that it's her own file. Once Lorelai realizes that it's her file and not Rory's, she gets pretty impressed with herself for having such a small file. In high school, Lorelai's file was probably pretty big. Charleston says that parents aren't supposed to have small folders, because they record school involvement. He says that Lorelai hasn't been active enough in Chilton activities. Lorelai says that she went to a bake sale and even sold items, but Charleston points out that Lorelai left early. Lorelai says she has a busy schedule. "Like mother, like daughter," he says. Charleston guilt-trips Lorelai, and asks whether she's too busy to tend to Rory's needs of having an active parent on campus, setting a good example as a parent with social skills and a community consciousness. He gives Lorelai a list of parent groups on Chilton, and says that any one of them would be happy to have Lorelai as a member. Lorelai tries to get out of it, but Charleston's quick with the "be a good mommy" number. I still feel pretty horrible about the time I suckered my mother into being a Brownie leader, when she hates kids and all. I think I just didn't want to be a Brownie, and if my mom hated being there as much as I did, I could quit the troop without being a Bad Brownie. Lorelai stands and then asks whether she's allowed to leave. Charleston says she can leave, and tells her that he's glad she stopped by today. Lorelai leaves with her assignment, saying she's full of good ideas. Fade to commercial.
Why don't I have the eKara karaoke machine yet? Nobody loves me.
Rory finds Lorelai poring over her list in the kitchen. Rory asks Lorelai what happened at school today, because Lorelai was supposed to pick Rory up. I'd be so much more pissed than Rory is if my mom was at school and forgot to pick me up. I'd instantly accuse her of mugging down with Max in the chess room. I'm sure Chilton has a chess room, by the way. Rory asks what happened, and Lorelai tells her that she yelled at Charleston since Rory doesn't have a Matrix coat and that she got yelled at and called a bad Chilton Mom. Rory says that Lorelai's busy. Lorelai says that she doesn't help at school functions. Rory says that Lorelai sucks at arts and crafts. Lorelai says she doesn't chaperone school events. Rory reminds her that she got pregnant at sixteen. Lorelai says she's not doing her part in Rory's education. Rory says it sucks that they both got busted. Lorelai says she's going to find a club because she wants someone to write a good letter for Rory to get into Harvard. She says they should just go along with this evil plan so that Rory can get into Harvard and one day they'll buy Chilton and turn it into a rave club. Lorelai suggests the Chilton Cheer Society, where they wear matching hats.
Rory slowly walks over to her lunch table and puts down her tray. She stops and turns behind her. A girl stands up to leave, so Rory walks over to ask if she can take that seat. She says there's a huge draft where she was sitting and was wondering if she could sit down. The head Heather with the red hair says she can. "Your name is Laurie," Red Heather says. Rory corrects her and asks for her name. "Francie," the girl sitting to Red Heather says. Rory asks whether the girl who said "Francie" is Francie. The "Francie"-sayer says that she's Ivy, and that Red Heather is named Francie. Francie says that important people never have to speak for themselves. Rory says that she just learned something new. The names of the girls around the table sound like Frances, Urine, Lily, Spleen, Bad Asia, Lana, Asia, Asia, Lem. Lem on the end says her name is short for Lemon, so I don't think I got most of the other names all that incorrectly. Francie says they were just discussing Homecoming, and asks Rory her thoughts. Paris walks by, carrying her tray. Rory says it was a great movie and then realizes she was thinking of Coming Home. Francie thinks that Homecoming should be put to sleep. She asks if she can call Rory "Ror." "Not unless provoked," Rory says. Slowly, Paris walks backwards into the frame, staring open-mouthed at Rory. Ivy asks whether Rory has a nickname, and Rory explains that her name is really Lorelai. "Lorelai! That's a weird name," says Lemon. Francie says that Lorelai sounds southern. She asks whether Rory is a belle. The bell rings, and Rory jokes that she can command them. The world's shortest lunch comes to a close as the table of Heathers gets up and leaves. Rory is very pleased with herself.
Out in the hallway, Paris is instantly at Rory's side. Rory jumps and likens Paris to a "pop-up book from hell." Paris asks how Rory got to sit with "The Puffs." The word "puff" will be repeated so many times it will become the funniest word in the world, by the way. Paris asks Rory how she got to sit at the Puff table. Rory says she just sat down. Paris says that nobody just sits down, and that you have to be invited to sit at the Puff Table. She says they're the most influential sorority at Chilton. Rory can't believe that Chilton has sororities. Paris says there are only ten sororities worth mentioning, and that the Puffs are at the top of that list. They've been #1 for decades. Paris's mother and aunt were Puffs. Rory says she thought only colleges had sororities. Paris says that Puff connections last for life. Paris's cousin Maddie got her Supreme Court internship because of Sandra Day O'Connor, a Puff who got the lunch table moved to the table at which Rory sat today. It was a controversial move back when Sandie did it. Rory says she had no idea. Paris asks what Rory said about Paris, and asks whether Rory said bad things. Rory says she didn't mention Paris. Paris says she's been sucking up to Francine Jarvis for over a year now. Rory asks whether she means Francie, and Paris is livid. She helped her with homework, got her a parking lot space, organized her locker, fluffed her pom-pon strands, and did everything she could except give her a manicure: "And by God, if I had any talent with an orange stick, I would have done that, too." Rory says that Paris is insane. Paris says she knows she and Rory don't get along, but the Puffs are so important to her. She has to get in the group. Her family's name, her future, her everything ride on her becoming a Puff. "It's just a clique," Rory says. Paris asks that Rory not say anything horrible about her. Rory says she's not in the clique. Paris argues that she is and says she doesn't care what Rory does or says anyway. She storms off as the bell rings.
Walking up to Emily's, Lorelai asks Rory who would name a kid "Lemon." "Someone really into citrus," Rory answers. She says she can't believe the one day she sat at a table, she ended up meeting a secret society. Lorelai says it's like waking up and finding you're the only member in your family who can't pull her face off. Rory says it's exactly like that. A new maid answers the door and tells Lorelai and Rory to head out to the "patio" for the "barbecue." Lorelai and Rory are appropriately suspicious and shocked. They walk out back and find that there's really a barbecue, but it's catered by some stranger. They grab corn on the cob and sit on a bench to eat it. Emily walks out and asks whether this is a refugee camp. She tells the girls to come inside and eat. Lorelai says that you barbecue to eat outside. Emily says that human beings don't eat outside; animals do. She says that Lorelai can either come inside and eat or find a gazelle to hunt down and cook if she wants to eat outside. Emily walks in. Lorelai confers with Rory on their odds of finding a gazelle in this part of Hartford, and they ultimately agree to go inside.
Dining room. Rory and Lorelai haven't even sat down before Emily tells Lorelai that she's "extremely disappointed" in her. Lorelai tells Emily to hold on, takes off her coat, sits down, picks up her fork, and tells Emily to continue. Emily had lunch with Bitty Charleston, my favorite invisible cast member, and was filled in on the goings-on of Lorelai and Rory at Chilton. She says she's disappointed that Lorelai hasn't been fulfilling her Chilton parental duties. She tells Lorelai that she's supposed to be an example for Rory, and that if Rory's not involved at school, then she learned it by watching Lorelai. Lorelai and Rory cutely fight over Emily across the table. Lorelai tells Emily to stop and says she already joined a group: the Booster club. Emily is pleased, and says that the matching sweatshirts the Boosters wear are just darling. Rory and Lorelai share a look.
Chilton. Booster club. This storyline never jags or breaks or loops, I tell you. The Boosters are droning on about last year's something or other, where people got food poisoning but the salsa band was great. The one thing to note here is that the young, blonde Booster is played by Nicole Eggert. That's really only a slight notable, but for those of you making Gilmore Girls trivia games (and I know you are), that's a pretty good bonus question, right there. Lorelai enters and apologizes for being late. She asks where the matching sweatshirts are. The Boosters don't know what she's talking about, and Lorelai realizes that Emily was joking with her. They quickly recap the meeting so far, which was mostly nose-job gossip, event arguing, and asking for a break. Lorelai introduces herself. They know who she is. One of the Boosters serves on some board with Emily. She says that Emily told her she wasn't sure Lorelai would show up. Lorelai asks what they're doing for this fall fundraiser. They explain again that last year people went to the hospital with food poisoning and the salsa band was great, but they didn't really raise any money. The leader ["played by Brenda 'Sue-Ellen Mishkie' Strong" -- Wing Chun] says that this year they're having a fashion show. Nicole Eggert works at Saks. "Uh, used to work at Saks," she interrupts, waving her giant wedding ring. She arranged for the store to donate designer clothes, so now they just have to find a caterer, a place for the event, and someone to plan it. Nicole Eggert offers up some place young and fun, like a goth club. She gets her stepdaughter's name wrong and one of the Boosters has to correct her. Emily's boardmate whispers to Lorelai that Nicole Eggert is never going to learn her stepdaughter's name. They politely turn down Nicole's idea. Lorelai offers up the Inn and Sookie and offers to plan it, since she's the function coordinator. They're all pleased, ask if she's from Heaven, and then call for a break. The head Booster tells Lorelai she'll come by the place tomorrow to check it out. I hope she wears a bra when she does it, because she needs one right now. ["Pamie, you know that's not Sue-Ellen's way." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai asks whether they're getting any famous models for the fashion show. Head Booster tells Lorelai that they are the models. Wah wah wah wahhhhhhh. She hugs Lorelai and welcomes her to the Boosters. Fade to commercial.
Lorelai and Rory are walking through a heavily decorated Stars Hollow. Rory is teasing Lorelai about her new model status. Lorelai complains that she's also having to plan this entire event. Rory says that Lorelai should change her name to Waffle and they can say she's from Belgium. Lorelai makes a phone call, saying she's doing something about how crabby she is. She calls Emily and tells her that she's involved with the Booster club. She says that she's organizing the charity fashion show weekend. Emily is pleased. Lorelai says she knows that Emily wants to stay involved in all of this stuff that benefits Rory, so she volunteered Emily as one of the models. Emily tries to back out of it, but Lorelai's not hearing it. It's Saturday night at the Inn. She tells Emily to take her measurements. She hangs up and Rory asks whether Lorelai feels better now. "Waffle's very happy," Lorelai says with her Belgian accent.
Chilton lunch. Rory goes back to her solitary table, but Francie walks up and says, "Sit with us, please!" Rory obeys. The Heathers tell Rory they find her fascinating ("like the monkey habitat") and they want to extend an invitation to sit at their lunch table whenever she wants. Rory thanks them and accepts. She asks whether she can talk about their secret sorority now. The table gasps and the girls say they don't know what she's talking about. Rory says that everyone knows about it. Francie asks what's the point about having a secret society if people are going to talk about it all the time. Paris starts looming behind them as Francie says the sorority is just folklore. Ivy says it's like Mariah Carey's breakdown. Lemon discusses Mariah's latest web message to her friends as Francie notices Paris looming and staring behind them. Francie asks Rory if Paris is a friend of hers. Rory stammers, and Ivy calls Paris "too intense." Rory says that Paris is also very smart. Francie says, "So, I drop a box of matches, Paris can tell me how many of them there are?" Ha. Rory goes on about how Paris is a great writer on the school paper and that she's funny. Nobody believes Rory when she says that Paris is funny, and Rory's clearly gone too far, but she keeps talking about how funny Paris is and oh, how they've laughed together. Francie asks Rory whether Paris made her talk her up to the group. Rory says that Paris didn't. They don't believe her, so Rory says she heard that Paris is thinking about "joining another non-existent group." This ruffles the Puffs, and they start wondering what kind of sorority Paris is thinking about joining, and how scandalous that would be since the Gellars were all Puffs. Rory repeats that she thinks that's what she heard. Francie and Ivy turn around and ask Paris to join the table. Paris waits for them to start teasing her, but it doesn't happen. Rory says that Paris might have another table to join, and the Puffs flip out, all moving from their important thrones to have Paris sit across from Rory. Paris smiles at Rory in an incredibly grateful grin. Francie goes on again about how she thinks Homecoming should be put to sleep.
Independence Inn. Get ready -- it's already Saturday afternoon of week. Yeah, I don't know where all the time went, either. Lorelai is walking around checking to make sure everything is in order. She and Michel have a quick conversation that involves only the beginning of sentences.
Lorelai goes back to the convention room and finds that the man putting together the runway has the floor tilted. She asks him to fix it. He says he's working on it. She asserts how important it is that the floor not tilt. Lorelai continues walking and bumps into Sookie. Sookie whines that the lettuce is dry and she can't make salad with dry lettuce. Lorelai tells Sookie to make soup. She stops her and asks if they already bought the dry lettuce. They have, so Lorelai asks Sookie to try to include the lettuce in the soup. I'm not really sure what that scene was for, except to give us a little Sookie, and to prove that Lorelai's inn isn't made entirely of cash, just mostly of cash, and all of that cash seems to funnel into Sookie's budget. You think she's going to feed the Boosters leftover wedding cake?
Luke shows up with Bert. Bert is the tool kit, and Luke asks Lorelai to tell everyone that she's the one who came up with the name. Lorelai giggles that Luke said the word "toolbox." She tells Runway Guy to get up and go, because she wants Luke to look at the runway. Runway Guy says he's the one who put it together. Lorelai says she loved his work in Pisa, but that she'd like Luke to take a look at it anyway. Luke squats and says that Runway Guy put it together all wrong. Lorelai asks over and over again whether Luke can fix it and he says over and over that he needs to take a look at it first. Quick flirting, groaning, moaning, Lorelai, and Luke.
Lorelai walks off and runs into Ava, the head of the Boosters. She just now showed up to check out the place? Little late, Av. Lorelai escorts Ava to the green room where they're all getting ready, and stops to ask whether Luke's already fixed the runway. He snaps that he hasn't, and Ava doesn't want to take another step away from Luke. Ava like handyman. Ava want to make babies with handyman. She's all gross and drooling over him, grilling Lorelai with tons of questions on what Luke's like and whether he's single and what kind of woman he wants. Of course Lorelai doesn't want to give any information that might sacrifice her Luke. Emily saves the day by showing up at this point, and Lorelai shoos Ava away. As the camera follows Lorelai, you can see Ava in the background, teeth firmly crunching into the scenery, making sure every single cell in our bodies know that she's attracted to Luke. Emily complains that the place isn't done yet. Lorelai tells her to go in the back and get ready. Emily asks whether Lorelai has seen the clothes yet. Lorelai hasn't seen them. Emily hopes that they aren't zebra-striped with Spandex. Lorelai pushes Emily to the dressing room. Emily says she's not doing this unless Lorelai is. Lorelai walks back to Luke and squeals when she finds that he's fixed it. Luke says he's going to stick around to make sure nothing's wrong with it. Lorelai gives an "Oh" that reads "No." Luke asks why he can't stay, and Lorelai says there's no reason he can't stay, so Luke's going to stay.
Dressing room. Emily hasn't asked for her clothes yet. She says she was waiting for Lorelai. They walk over to get their clothes. The costumer hands over two bags and announces that Lorelai and Emily are the "Mother-Daughter Team." Mother and daughter protest, but the costumer isn't hearing it, because she needs a mother and a daughter. Oh, look at that costumer. Did y'all know Jason Hervey grew up to be a short blonde woman? Because this lady is Jason Hervey. Lorelai looks inside the costume bag, gasps, and moans.
Go, go, go! No time! We've already started the fundraiser -- and I'm not sure why they aren't saving this for the end of the show where it'd be funnier -- but it's time for the fashion show. I'm not sure how much money they're going to raise, since only five people are here, and two of them are Michel and Luke standing at the back wall. I hope Carol got extra low-fat cheese for having to run the inn all by herself tonight. Gosh, this show is lit strangely. It's all mostly dark where it should be light. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" kicks off as women parade in fancy clothes. Ava in her slinky dress. Another woman parades. Two more women. Boom. Time for Lorelai and Emily. They come out together in matching red suits. They parade to the end of the runway. Emily's face is pure bliss. She's laughing and grinning and being all saucy. She's dancing and jutting out her hip. Lorelai goes from mortified to amused, watching her mother prance around. Luke and Michel are laughing in the back. Michel is dancing to the music, by the way. Lorelai gives in and has fun with the modeling as she and Emily pose together. That's it! End of function! Chilton's auditorium has been saved by the Boosters!
Lorelai sits with two Boosters and Emily at a table ten minutes later after everyone's gone home. The Boosters are congratulating Lorelai on the best function anyone's ever seen ever! They ask who picked that perfect music. Lorelai says that she did. Fifteen seconds of Cyndi Lauper and perfection! Emily is beaming with pride. One of the Boosters remarks how perfect it was to hire an actor to play an annoying, rude Frenchman. Lorelai says she thought it'd be a fun touch. The Boosters say that if Lorelai plans all of the events, they won't have to have any dumb meetings anymore. Lorelai says she wants to find out how long it's going to take Nicole Eggert to learn her stepdaughter's name. The Boosters excuse themselves and congratulate Lorelai again. Emily says to Lorelai, "Funny, isn't it? How nicely you seem to be fitting into the world that you ran away from." Emily ends that sentence with a preposition and a departure from the room, congratulating her daughter. Lorelai doesn't take any offense, for some reason. Lorelai looks over and sees Luke talking to Ava, who is giggling at his every word. Lorelai pouts as we fade to commercial.
It's not that I'm skipping or skimming anything. I feel like I am. This is what happened. There's no subtext or anything that needs detailed descriptions. This episode is very A-B-C-D.
E. Lorelai comes home and finds Rory reading on the couch. Why couldn't Rory go to the event? Rory asks how it went. Lorelai says it was fine and Michel only made three people cry. Rory asks how the fashion show went. Lorelai says it was fine and that she brought her some Booster (Wedding) cake. Rory asks her to put it in the fridge for later. Rory asks how Emily's doing. Lorelai walks in eating the cake, saying that Emily is fine. Rory asks to see pictures of the fashion show. Lorelai says there aren't any pictures. Rory suspiciously eyes Lorelai's purse. Lorelai hands her the purse and waits to hear the verdict. Rory pulls out the pictures and shouts, "Oh, my God!" Lorelai tells her to be nice. Rory says that Lorelai looks like Nancy Reagan. "Oh, now, how is that nice?" Lorelai asks. Rory says that Lorelai looks completely different: "Elegant and understated." Lorelai says she was wearing underwear with propellers on them. She takes the pictures and says she's going to bed. Rory jokes that she'll send the Secret Service up. Lorelai tells Rory to put on her pajamas (the ones with the cakes on them) and brush her hair and put on some lip gloss because the Puffs are kidnapping her tonight. In my high school, they did this to the swim-team girls and I always felt so bad for them. Rory follows Lorelai upstairs, where Lorelai explains that Rory's about to be kidnapped and taken out for breakfast in her pajamas as her initiation into The Puffs. Lorelai says she has to leave out a key and some money. Rory doesn't want to do this. "Hey, I told you not to become a Soc, but you didn't listen," Lorelai says. Rory tells Lorelai that she has to put a stop to this, and that she can't let her baby girl get kidnapped by hooligans to be dragged into the middle of the night to who knows where. Lorelai says if they take her to a place with donuts, she'd like some. Rory says, "Fine," and snatches the pictures out of Lorelai's hands. "Christmas cards!" she says as she leaves the room. Lorelai yells that Rory is more like her grandmother every day.
F. Later that night. Rory hears a car pull up outside and yells that the kidnappers are here. Lorelai tells her to have fun. Rory turns off the living-room light and runs up to her room. She gets into her bed and pretends to be asleep. A group of girls enter her room with a flashlight. They hit the light and shout, "Surprise!" Rory fakes surprise so badly. They tell her to grab her shoes, but that she can't wear any socks. Francie says that they have to move because they still have a couple of girls to pick up. Francie looks like Emily in that poor light. As the Puffs leave the room, one poor girl's hair is all jacked up. She turns around and we see her face is covered in acne medicine. It's Paris. She asks Rory if that's what she looks like when she wakes up in the middle of the night, all perfect and glossy. "Nothing in my life is ever fair," Paris pouts.
G. Chilton. It must have taken them all night to pick up all the girls, including ones in Stars Hollow. It must be five in the morning, at least. The Not Yet Puffs are all blindfolded. Francie stops them and says that they are invited to join the Puffs. They take off their blindfolds and find themselves standing in front of Headmaster Charleston's office. Rory starts asking what they're doing at Chilton, and Paris asks her to be quiet. Francie says what they're about to do and say will be a secret among the Puffs for the rest of their lives. She unlocks the headmaster's office and tells everyone to step inside. Everyone goes except Rory and Paris, and one other pouty girl ["played by Madeline Zima, formerly the cute little teeny girl on The Nanny" -- Wing Chun]. Rory says they shouldn't be in there. Paris says that they are making very important social contacts. Rory says she doesn't need social contacts and that she has friends. Paris drones about how wonderful it must be to be Rory all the time with the perfect life. She says maybe someday she'll stumble into a Disney movie and find herself transported into Rory's body where she'll end up learning the true beauty of herself, but until then she's going to go get Puffed. She walks into the headmaster's office. The pouty girl passes Rory. Rory walks inside.
H. Inside the office. They light a candle. Francie recites the Puff vow and holds her hand over some bell. Paris already knows all the words to the Puff vow, which ends with "and 'U' in between." I'll spare you the rest. After saying the oath, the new Puff has to ring the bell three times. They make Rory go first. She doesn't want to and half-heartedly starts mumbling the vow. They tell her she has to hold the candle. Rory does, and says the vow. They tell her she has to ring the bell. Rory rings the bell once.
I. Headmaster Charleston's opening the door, busting Rory and busting all of the Puffs for trespassing. What? Like they don't know the Puffs have been doing this for years and years and years? Like he's not proud of it somehow, what with Sandra Day O'Connor and all? And how did he know it was Rory before they turned on the light? Whatever -- it's sorta bullshit, this busting thing here.
J. Headmaster Charleston is pacing around the girls, who are now all seated in his office. He says he's disappointed and disillusioned and goes on and on about how bad they are. He says they'll deal with that later, but for now they have to figure out a punishment, which will most likely involve a suspension. Rory practically mumbles, "This is bullshit." Headmaster Charleston asks Rory to speak up over and over until she finally stands up to say that this is bullshit. She says that she's only there because he made her. She says things were going fine. She had friends, she joined the paper, and her routine was down. Charleston tries to talk about her routine being destructive, but Rory interrupts and says she has friends and a steady boyfriend and a freakishly close mother, but she lives all the way in Stars Hollow and they never bothered to research that. She says she got in trouble for preferring to read than to socialize with girly girls about the euthanasia of Homecoming. She fell in with The Puffs because he made her do it and threatened to take away Harvard and now she's getting suspended for doing what Charleston made her do. She says the thing she knew she was blindfolded and taken out of her house in the middle of the night to end up at Chilton with the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (hee!) reciting bad poetry and lighting candles. She says it's not fair. Charleston's scary secretary drones that the parents are starting to arrive. Does everyone work Sunday mornings at Chilton? Headmaster Charleston dismisses all of the girls except Rory. He says they'll continue the conversation tomorrow, which is Sunday, but whatever. The girls leave, and Charleston says that he and Rory should have a discussion. He says it's important to socialize, but that perhaps they were hasty to judge in her case. Rory asks whether this means she might not get suspended. Charleston says that Rory is an excellent student who deserves to go to Harvard, and that he wouldn't want to stand in the way of that. He tells her he'll talk to her tomorrow. Rory thanks him and leaves.
K. Hallway at Chilton. Paris's mother sent the nanny/housekeeper to pick her up, and the woman is barking at Paris in Spanish about leaving the house. Rory finds Lorelai and tells her that everything was fine. Rory tells her that this was all an initiation. Lorelai can't believe that Rory got busted for ringing a bell. She does a fake mothering routine about how dare Rory think she can just go around ringing bells and doing things like that when she's not the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Rory asks to leave. Lorelai asks whether she needs to talk to Charleston. Rory says she thinks it's going to be okay.
L. Luke's the morning. Lorelai sits down. Luke says that the party last night was good. He says he liked her look: high-class substitute teacher. Lorelai asks for coffee to go. Then she offers her opinion for free. She asks Luke not to date Ava because she thinks it'd be awkward for Luke to see a Chilton Mom. Luke says that Lorelai has some nerve, even gall, to come in and tell him who he can and cannot date, as if her life trumps his. Lorelai asks whether he sees any validity in her side. Luke says she can't tell him who he can and cannot date and that she'll just have to deal with it. Lorelai says she'll deal with it, but that she thought he might care about something that might affect their relationship because if the situation were reversed (oh, you mean like you getting married to some guy Luke hardly knows, Lorelai?) then she'd want to have a discussion about it. She tells him to just go ahead and date Ava, marry her, and make her Mrs. BackwardsBaseballCap. Lorelai starts to leave, and Luke tells her that he wasn't asking Ava out on a date, but was merely giving her directions back to Hartford. He says it was very romantic and he told her to catch the I-5 south and the sparks were flying between them. Lorelai pouts and stammers that it's so like him to tell someone to take the I-5 when that's not the quickest way back to Hartford. You take the 11. Everybody knows that, she says. Everybody but him. She's a crazy woman.
M. Rory sits at the lunch table in Chilton. She doesn't sit with the Puffs, but goes back to her book reading/ Walkman table. The pouty would-be Puff girl walks up and asks whether she may sit at the table. Rory says she can. The other girl pulls out a book and reads. Rory is happy to have her table back, and as Djb aptly noted, Betty Finn is back with Veronica.
week it's Halloween and the WB guy seems to think I care who he thinks did the fake murder mystery Stars Hollow has.