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We start with Emily's newest maid opening the door for Rory and Lorelai. That means it's Friday night. The newest maid is named Liesl, but don't you bother learning; she won't be around too long. She doesn't know Rory or Lorelai, so Lorelai takes it upon herself to introduce themselves: riffing on Liesl, Lorelai says she's Brigitta and Rory's Gretl. Liesl lets Lorelai and Rory into the house, but they stop shortly after the doorway. Emily and Richard are having a giant fight upstairs. "Why don't you go hide in the kitchen," Lorelai suggests to Liesl. Liesl is incredibly grateful and runs away. "I think George and Martha are joining us for dinner," Lorelai says to Rory. I know many of you Gilmore Girls fans are young. Do you get that joke? If you do, I'm proud of you. Good schools. Questionable parents.
Richard and Emily walk halfway down their staircase, still fighting. Emily wants to go to some of the events for the charities and groups she supports. Richard says he's too busy with work, and that Emily will have to skip these events. Emily is concerned about what people will think about them. Richard certainly isn't. He calls Emily's functions "frivolous parties." Emily's unhappy about that. She storms back up the stairs, and Richard follows her. Rory asks Lorelai whether they should leave so they don't embarrass Richard and Emily. Lorelai wishes she had brought some popcorn. Richard and Emily walk halfway down the stairs again, still unaware that Rory and Lorelai have arrived. Emily is reading off a list of functions they've had to skip because of Richard. Emily argues that they aren't living up to their social obligations. Richard thinks that by skipping the social engagements, they demonstrate that they are busy having their own lives, making money, and being responsible adults. Emily thinks that these engagements are her responsibilities. Richard thinks they are social engagements. When Emily argues that they aren't, Richard informs her that any occasion at which you serve tea is a social engagement. Lorelai appreciates her father's joke. Emily walks back upstairs to get a tape recorder so that Richard can hear how pompous and condescending he sounds. Richard says it's not necessary. Emily says that she wouldn't want him to take her word for it because she might be delirious from all the tea she's been drinking. Rory states that they should leave. Lorelai says that this is "good dinner theater," adding that they just showed up for Friday dinner like they always do, and they're completely innocent. She says they couldn't have predicted they were going to walk into "The Lion King without the puppet heads."
Richard and Emily march down the stairs, Emily holding out a tape recorder. She asks Richard to say "the tea thing" again. Richard says that Emily is acting like a child. They make it to the bottom of the stairs and see Rory and Lorelai for the first time. Lorelai applauds. "I'm sorry," she says, "does Terrence McNally know about you two? Give me the phone!" Wow. Three theatre references in just the opening piece. ["Four if you count The Sound of Music." -- Wing Chun]
Hey, you kids on the east coast might see a commercial for SunCom that shows a bunch of people dressed as states celebrating the addition of new states to the calling area. They dance and play sports as "Happy Together" plays in the background. New Hampshire? In purple? My roommate. Does it make you hold your stomach and gasp in laughter, or is it just because New Hampshire walks around my apartment in boxer shorts?
Luke's. Lorelai reads over Rory's latest paper as Rory moans, "It sucks. I know it sucks. Just tell me it sucks." Lorelai, of course, tells her that it does not suck at all. She says it's an "A" or an "A plus" or anything higher than an "A plus" as Rory tells her that mothers aren't supposed to lie to their children. She says the real world is much harsher and that she can't get a false sense of pride. She says she wants to know right now if she's going to be working at CNN or walking around the CNN offices carrying a basket of sandwiches. Lorelai insists that the paper is great. Luke brings over more coffee and quickly asks whether the girls need anything else. Lorelai asks what the rush is all about. Luke moans that he was supposed to have help this morning (with an obvious glance toward the most likely still-sleeping Jess), but he doesn't, and now he's swamped. He says that if the girls don't order soon, he'll bring them egg-white omelets with a side of steamed spinach. Lorelai and Rory quickly order pancakes and French toast. Jess immediately pops into the room wearing a Metallica t-shirt. Luke doesn't like it and tells Jess to go upstairs and change because his shirt is gross. Jess says he likes his shirt. "How can you like that shirt?" Luke asks. "It brings out my eyes," Jess snarks. Luke says that part of the deal with Jess staying there is that he works at the diner, and when he's working he has to dress like he's there to work and not to go to a rock concert. This is coming from the guy who dresses for work like he's about to fix Ann Romano's toilet. ["Dude, I wish." -- Wing Chun] I just showed my age there, too, didn't I? ["Whoops, me too!" -- Wing Chun] What the hell, this entire episode is for the over-thirty set (which I'm not, but I'm very mature for my age. Shut up) and was written by one of the producers, it seems from the credits. Jess leaves with a "Whatever you say, Uncle Luke." Lorelai tells Rory, "Gross shirt." They both agree that it's a great band, but a gross shirt.
“ 'Well then, if Katie Heathington has a scab on her face, Rory would definitely be the prettiest one there.' That's my favorite line of this episode. ”
Emily is entertaining fancy ladies. Emily has another new maid, and admits that Liesl only made it through one evening. The fancy ladies all giggle as one asks what Emily does to those poor women. Emily says it's just the usual: "Clean this. Cook that. Sacrifice a virgin on your way out." All of the fancy ladies do the appropriate amount of mock shock and mew that they do so miss Emily at all of their functions because they've just been so terribly dull without her. Yes. Mmm. I'm typing this paragraph with my pinkies in the air. Yes. One fancy lady tells Emily that at the last dreadful ball it was so remarkably boring that she felt her shoes going out of style as she sat there. Yes. Mmm. Then they all fill Emily in on the latest gossip about Truly Bishop (which must be a name taken from Kelly Bishop's family). She had a giant fight at some event that Emily didn't attend (the Schaffers' cocktail party, where they broke up in full view of everyone) with her husband; Truly found out that her husband was having an affair when the stupid tart sent Truly a letter. Can you imagine? It was simply madness! She's twenty-six with a two-year-old! They all roll their eyes and smear their lips across their faces so you can't tell that they still have collagen implants, which are so last millennium. Yes. Mmm. Truly threw an ice sculpture at her husband Eugene's head, right there in front of all of them. Emily says she can't believe she missed that, and the fancy ladies moan that Emily's missed so many things lately. Emily says that Richard is busy and he has a bad back and some bad knees and other bad things that keep him from allowing them to be seen in public. Yes. Mmm.
Enter Rory. The fancy ladies all coo over how nice Rory looks and how pretty and smart she is. They open Rory's mouth and inspect her teeth as Emily brags on about her. The fancy ladies remark that Rory looks just like Lorelai. They ask Rory to walk around a bit so they can see whether she has Lorelai's walk. Lorelai had a fast walk, they comment. Emily tells Rory to sit and have some tea. Rory says she's just there to pick up a book from Grampa. Emily tells her to check the study as Rory twirls out of the room. The fancy ladies ask Emily how old Rory is. She's sixteen, Emily announces, so you people stop emailing me asking how old she is and how she's driving a Jeep and when she had her sweet sixteen and when she's taking her SATs and her PSATs. The fancy ladies ask whether Rory's had her cotillion yet. The Daughters of the Daughters of the American Revolution are having a debutante ball week, and they're sure they'd make an exception for Emily Gilmore if she wanted her granddaughter to be presented on such short notice. The fancy ladies tell Emily she'll be the hit of the ball "with a girl like that." She'll be the prettiest one there. "Except for Katie Heathington," one fancy lady notes. "No, didn't you hear?" another fancy lady interrupts. "Katie Heathington fell off her horse; has a scab on her face." The blonde fancy lady replies, "Well then, if Katie Heathington has a scab on her face, Rory would definitely be the prettiest one there." That's my favorite line of this episode. "It'll be your crowning moment," the other fancy lady tells Emily. Rory walks back onto the patio, announcing that she found her book, and finds all of the fancy ladies staring at her. Rory gets creeped out and celebrates her book-finding with a tiny "Yay."
Lorelai is sitting at her kitchen table doing something that looks suspiciously like she's highlighting in a book. Oh, right. Those business classes we always hear about but never really see. The inn. Right. I'll just keep the storyline going, since they're dropping it for now. Rory walks in and announces that she's coming out. Lorelai doesn't make any of the seventeen thousand jokes that she could leap on right now (like, "If your belly button just announced that instead of your mouth, you're moving out" or "Poor Dean, he'll be crushed") and instead asks Rory what she's talking about. Rory says that she's going to be presented as a lady. She explains what's going to happen as Lorelai slowly but surely gets nauseous and disgusted. Lorelai says that Rory's talking to Emily and the DAR fancy ladies is like "accepting the position as the drummer for Spinal Tap." I sure hope you teens studied up on your 1970s Pop Culture for this episode. Lorelai keeps getting disgusted until Rory reminds her that there's cake at the ball. Lorelai always perks up for cake. Lorelai grabs the phone to call Emily; she promises she'll get Rory out of this. Rory doesn't want out of this, though; she wants to do something that will make Emily so happy. Lorelai says that Emily will get people to do all kinds of things they don't really want to do. She adds that she's still convinced that Emily had something to do with getting Lily Tomlin to do that movie with John Travolta. Okay, that one I had to look up. She's talking about Moment By Moment, a movie about a stripper (John Travolta) falling in love with an older woman (Tomlin), and it's supposed to be horrible. Travolta must have done this movie since his older woman lover from The Boy in the Plastic Bubble had just died of cancer and he was still all in love with her and not Kelly Preston ever. I can't imagine that film is supposed to be common knowledge when I've never heard of it and Djb's never heard of it. ["Since we're tallying up, I had heard of the title but didn't know who was in it." -- Wing Chun] I have a copy of The Boy in the Plastic Bubble. I own John Travolta Sings. I have all things Travolta. I have a Welcome Back Kotter t-shirt.
Anyhoo, Rory says that this is important to Emily, and that if it's that important to her, she might as well do it. Lorelai says that these kinds of parties say, "Hi! I'm Rory. I'm of good breeding and of marriageable age and I will now parade around in front of young men of similarly good breeding and marriageable age so they can all take a good long look at me." She says it's no different than animals at the county fair getting judged, except "sheep don't wear hoop skirts." Rory says that Lorelai doesn't have to be a part of it. Lorelai says she'll do it if Rory wants her to, but that it's weird because it's all the stuff she ran away from as a kid, and she always expected Rory to run away from it all, too. Rory says, "Well, I would, but I heard debutantes don't run. Something about the heels." They sit down at the table as Lorelai starts to plan it all out. She says that Rory will need a dowry, so she hands Rory a cow creamer. "Shoes, hose, gloves. Some mice, a dog, a pumpkin." Rory pouts and says that her father is supposed to present her at the ceremony. She says it's no big deal: "I can get somebody else to do it. Grampa, probably. Or Taylor. Or the cable guy." Oh, please let it be Taylor. Lorelai grabs the phone to call Christopher. Lorelai calls and hears that the number has been changed. She writes down the new number. Rory says that Christopher won't come. Lorelai says that Rory can't know unless she asks, and that the cable guy isn't going anywhere. Lorelai calls and Christopher answers the phone.
Presenting Lorelai Gilmore
Libby walks down the stairs without tripping. Rory is announced. Lorelai stands beside Emily and watches Rory walk down the stairs with Christopher and meet CuteDean at the bottom. She curtseys and walks away with Christopher as "Thank Heaven For Little Girls" plays. Lorelai proudly watches as Emily says, "That should have been you up there. Nothing's turning out the way it's supposed to." Ouch. ["It's too bad, because in the promo, when they cut after the first line, I thought Emily might have meant that it should have been Lorelai up there presenting Rory instead of Christopher, since Lorelai had more to do with Rory's being presentable. That would have been nicer." -- Wing Chun] Emily walks away, and Lorelai stands there with her mouth open as the fan dance circles behind her. What's up with that dance? Seriously.
Walking home from somewhere in Stars Hollow on the way to Luke's, Rory informs Christopher that he was considered a "hot dad." She says the girls told her that if Christopher wasn't her real dad, she could steal him away from her mother. Lorelai says she was proud of Rory, Christopher, and CuteDean for making it through almost the entire night with a straight face. Christopher apologizes and says that the fan dance was more than he could take. CuteDean says that he wants to go home and take off the tux instead of hanging out with them more. Whatever. He touches Rory's arm goodbye and leaves. Christopher says that he has to leave for Boston early in the morning, so he's going to go home and sleep. Rory asks whether he has time for fries. Christopher says he'll get up early and have breakfast with her. Why would she want to get up early? On a Sunday, even. Christopher hugs her goodbye. Lorelai tells Rory to go ahead and order, and she'll catch up. Rory walks away.
Lorelai tells Christopher that she thought he was amazing tonight, and that she was so glad he came through for Rory. She says she's giving him big credit now. She says that she looked Boston up on a map and found out that it wasn't too far away and that I-84 is a good road. She says that if Christopher wanted to drop by occasionally, it wouldn't be too difficult. Christopher reminds her that he'll be driving a Volvo. Lorelai says that she's starting to come around to that economical, sturdy, efficient driving machine. She leans in and flirts, saying the car is like a Catholic schoolgirl. He says he likes that image. She kisses him. She says that the I-84 can get jammed on the weekends, so if he wanted to stay longer to avoid traffic, it'd be okay. He says it's a tempting offer, but that he has to get back to work. "And...to someone." Lorelai's face falls, and Christopher says he knows he should have told her about it. Lorelai says she understands. I don't. His girlfriend let him drive to Stars Hollow to sleep at his ex-girlfriend's house where his daughter lives? Lorelai says she understands and thinks it's great. She asks if it's Linda from Marketing. Christopher says her name is Sherri. "Sherri from Marketing?" Lorelai asks. "Sherri from Boston," Christopher answers. Hence the move. Lorelai asks whether it's serious. Christopher tells her that they're living together. Lorelai is stunned at how much he's changed. Christopher says that Sherri made it pretty clear that she would leave if he didn't shape up. He adds that he'll see Lorelai back home. He walks off, and Lorelai's heart breaks. He's trouble, Lorelai! One day of responsibility doesn't mean he'll make all of your dreams come true! Get him to start paying for Chilton! The troubadour plays as Lorelai walks over to Luke's.