Angry props to this week for kicking my ass and making me so tired that the last thing I want to go through is this emotional post-breakup episode about Rory. But here I go.
Not even a "Previously on Gilmore Girls." We just open right to Lorelai and Rory, still in a hug at the front door. It's quiet. Lorelai asks what happened. "We broke up," Rory says. "We just...broke up." Lorelai says she doesn't understand, and pets Rory's arm. Rory says that they went to dinner, and walked by the bonfire but it wasn't lit, so they went to "this junkyard" and "sat in a car." Rory then interrupts herself to complain that she forgot Lorelai's meatball. Since she doesn't mention what the car was for or why they were there, I think that Rory doesn't want her mom to know that she had a hard time dealing with Dean's telling her that he loved her. Rory goes on and on about the meatball -- how the waiter had been so nice to bring it to her, and how he wrapped it up in foil shaped like a duck -- and Lorelai steers Rory into the living room, telling her to forget about the meatball and to talk about what happened. In a nice continuity moment, Lorelai has to move the phone from the couch and hang it up so that Rory can sit down. Lorelai asks what happened. "He just broke up with me, okay?" Rory smiles. Lorelai says that Rory's story doesn't make any sense, because CuteDean calls Rory about a zillion times a day, and would do anything for her, and is crazy about her. Rory, obviously still avoiding the issue, says that she has to go to bed.
Lorelai follows and asks Rory to take her through the evening step by step. Rory says that it's unnecessary: "What happened here is we broke up. He didn't want to be my boyfriend anymore. End of story." Lorelai says that it's not the end of the story, and Rory insists that it is. Lorelai says that CuteDean did not plan an entire romantic evening for Rory just to break up with her. Rory grabs a box and starts throwing things into it. Lorelai says that she knows there's more to the story than what Rory's spilling. She asks what Rory's doing. "I'm getting rid of all this stuff," Rory tells her. Lorelai: "What stuff?" Rory: "Everything he gave me, everything he ever touched. Everything he looked at." Rory keeps pouting and tossing as Lorelai asks her to stop and calm down. Rory doesn't: "He doesn't want to be my boyfriend? Fine." Lorelai stops Rory from putting one of Lorelai's own things into the box, and asks whether there's someone else. Rory says that there isn't. Lorelai asks whether he's moving. He isn't. Lorelai asks whether he's dying, or his football team lost a game. "What?" Rory asks snippily. "It's happened," Lorelai sighs. Rory keeps tossing clothes into the box as Lorelai hesitantly asks whether CuteDean tried something or wanted to go further with Rory than she was willing. Rory is offended and says that he didn't do anything like that. Lorelai says that she doesn't have much to go on. Lorelai tries to stop Rory from boxing the pretty gray dress Lorelai made for her. Rory reminds Lorelai that she wore the dress to a dance with CuteDean. Lorelai says that the sweater Rory's tossing is brand new. Rory says that CuteDean said he liked it. "Well, then he's got good taste," Lorelai says. Rory: "He said it brought out the blue in my eyes." Lorelai: "Well, then he's gay." Rory huffs and says that Lorelai isn't funny. Lorelai says that if Rory tosses everything CuteDean ever saw her wear, she's going to have to walk around in a towel. Rory jams a stuffed chicken into the box. It's the chicken CuteDean noticed the first time he walked into her room. Lorelai says that Colonel Plucker didn't do any wrong; he was just sitting there minding his own business when CuteDean picked him up: "What's a stuffed bird to do?" Rory says that she doesn't want any of this stuff in her room anymore. She rips the bracelet off her wrist and tosses it into the box, and then hands the box to Lorelai and says she doesn't want to look at it anymore. Lorelai says that she'll put it away. Rory says that she wants it out of the house: "Throw it in a dumpster. Burn it. I, I don't care. I just, I want it gone." Lorelai sits to Rory and says that someday, when this is all in the past, Rory might be sorry that she doesn't have some of these things to remember CuteDean. Rory shouts that she doesn't care, and Lorelai takes the message and drops the issue, agreeing to take care of it, and adding that Rory should go to bed and get some rest. Rory gives the saddest pout in the land as Lorelai kisses her goodnight. Lorelai picks up the box, and Rory asks her again to take it "far, far away from the house." Lorelai promises that the box will sleep with the fishes. Rory thanks her, and Lorelai leaves the room.
Lorelai opens the hall closet and hides the box in the back, underneath some blankets. She shuts the door and sighs. The first time I ever got dumped I was, like, eleven. I liked this boy an awful lot, and was tired of him not noticing me, so I got my best friend to ask him if he'd go with me. Yeah, this was in the South. He told my friend that he might be leaving the country soon (even at eleven the boy knew that he was always going to have to lie to girls to remain blame-free) but that he'd do it anyway. About a week later, he rode his bike to my house and I met him down the street so that my parents wouldn't see. We decided that we should meet each other in person since we were boyfriend and girlfriend. He was nice. Shy. Awkward. So was I. I held onto the chain-link fence at the corner of my street and watched him look down at his feet as he shuffled along on his bike while he talked. I remember everything about the way I felt that day. I can't remember a single thing we talked about. The day at school, everyone was supposed to kiss at recess. I didn't want the moment of my first kiss to be shared with everyone in class. So that afternoon, my boyfriend got his best friend to tell me that we had broken up. "He doesn't think you're pretty anymore," he told me. I spent that afternoon sobbing in my bed. My mother was in shock, since I didn't even mention having had a boyfriend for three days. I didn't have anything of his to throw away, so I had to lock up all of the poems and stories I had written about him. I had to throw away my own things to get over him. I hated that. Later, when real breakups happened, I never tossed the things I had acquired during the relationship. In fact, in my parents' house, in the garage, there are boxes with boys' names on them. Inside are love notes, movie tickets, pressed flowers, scraps of paper, photographs, poems, mix tapes, and hundreds of memories. They made me who I am now, and I want them to have their own shrines in my life when I'm older and finally find the one person that I make just as happy as he makes me. Then if I have a daughter someday and she gets her heart broken, I can show her just how many times my heart had to break before I found her daddy. Man. Where the hell did all of that come from? Y'all, I'm sorry. I just made myself sick with all of that.
Open on a sleeping Lorelai. Rory bounces into the room and tells Lorelai it's time to wake up. Lorelai asks what's wrong. Rory says she wants to get started. She's made a list of things that they always say they're going to do, but that they haven't done for one reason or another, but that, today, they are going to do. She opens up all the curtains to let light into the bedroom. Lorelai checks her fuzzy clock. Rory says that they should come up with a reward system, so that once they do the entire list they could get manicures or see the Stars Hollow Elementary production of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? ["I so want to see that production." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai holds up the fuzzy clock and says that it's six on a Saturday morning. Rory asks whether Lorelai wants to wear Docs or sneakers. Lorelai says that she wants to wear slippers. "Up, please!" Rory says in a way that's supposed to be cute, but that rubs me the wrong way. Lorelai says that it's Saturday, the day of rest. Rory says that Sunday is the day of rest. Lorelai tells her, "No. Saturday is the day of pre-rest." She explains that you pre-rest on Saturday so that you're all rested up to enjoy your rest on Sunday. Rory says that doesn't make any sense. Lorelai says that's because it's six in the morning. Rory tosses Lorelai's covers back. Lorelai moans and wails and Rory chants, "Up, please!" like she's Richard Simmons. She tells Lorelai that she'll see her downstairs and prances off. Lorelai moans and groans her way out of bed.
A dressed and groggy Lorelai makes her way downstairs. She stops and turns around to face the living room. Besides everything being very clean, all of the furniture has been moved around, and there are more flowers in the house than I've ever seen before.
Lorelai wanders into the kitchen and asks Rory whether she rearranged the living room. Rory says that she did. Lorelai is glad to find out that it was Rory, and not "decorator elves." Lorelai is wearing one hell of a bra under her tight shirt. I'm just saying. The underwire is like, "Hi! I'm holding up titties! Check me out!" ["I noticed that, too. But I'm not gay or nothing." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai asks Rory why she decided to move the furniture around. Rory says that she was up and it was there. Lorelai observes that Rory didn't move the television. Rory says that it was too heavy. Lorelai says that she likes the new arrangement, although when the couch used to face the television it was easier to watch, but that this will be good too -- more like radio. Rory asks whether Lorelai is ready to go. Lorelai asks whether Rory can stop writing her list for a second, and talk. Lorelai explains that she's concerned. Rory says that she can't deal with it right now. Lorelai says that she's had her heart broken before, and that it's hard for everyone, so she'd like to give Rory some advice: the best thing for her to do today is wallow. Rory doesn't want to wallow. Lorelai says that Rory should sit around all day in her pajamas and eat lots of pizza, should not shower or shave or put on makeup, and should just watch sad movies and cry. Rory says no. Lorelai insists, "Rory, your first love is intense and your first breakup even more intense. Shoving it away and ignoring it while you make lists is not going to help." Rory says that she doesn't want to wallow. Lorelai asks her to try it for one day. "No," Rory brats. Lorelai says that one day won't kill her. Rory says that she doesn't want to be the kind of girl who is devastated by not having a boyfriend. "That description hardly applies to you," Lorelai says. Rory says that it will if she sits around wallowing over CuteDean. Rory says that she used to have a boyfriend, and now she doesn't. That's just the way it is. She asks Lorelai if not shaving her legs and eating lots of junk food will change that fact. Lorelai says that it won't. "I don't even want to go there," Rory says, while washing her glass. She adds she has things to do and Harvard to think about. Lorelai reminds Rory that Harvard is about three years away, again making me wonder what grade Rory is supposed to be in. ["I think the 'about' is a fudge because when the show got pulled for sweeps, we sort of lost a month of Rory's school year. I'm pretty sure she's in grade ten, since she's sixteen, and that she's halfway through the year." -- Wing Chun] Rory says that she should be preparing for it now, and that she shouldn't be thinking about anything else. She says that she's sixteen, and that she has the rest of her life to have a boyfriend. Lorelai asks whether they should rent Old Yeller, too. Rory moans that Lorelai's not listening to her. Lorelai says that she's listening, but that she doesn't agree. "I don't want to wallow," Rory says, "and you can't make me." "Fine," Lorelai says. "Thank you," Rory snips. Lorelai asks to see the list Rory's working on. Rory hands her the list. Lorelai reads the list and says that they don't need a garden hose. Rory says that they don't have one. Lorelai reminds Rory that they don't have a garden, either. Rory says that maybe they could get a garden once they have a garden hose. Lorelai asks for the pen. She writes something down on the list and hands it back. Rory looks at the list and says, "Mom..." Lorelai gets excited: "What? It's on the list! Don't you have to do it if it's on the list?" Rory crosses it off and says she's not going to wallow. Lorelai notes she put it after the trip to the recycling center. Rory sighs.
Lorelai and Rory walk through town as Lorelai wonders why all these people are up at this terrible hour in the morning on a weekend. Rory says that some people like to get up early. "You lie," Lorelai says. Rory insists that some people really enjoy it. Lorelai scoffs and says, "Jump back!" Rory asks what that means, but the rest of us know it's from Footloose, when Chris Penn tells Kevin Bacon that there's no dancing or music allowed in the small town to which Kevin Bacon just moved. Lorelai explains exactly that to Rory. "Should have known," Rory mutters. Lorelai wonders what they teach her "in that damn school." Rory stops walking. Lorelai walks back to Rory and asks her what's wrong. Rory says that they can't go that way to Luke's, because they'll have to pass the grocery store and she doesn't know CuteDean's weekend schedule because it changes and he just might be inside. Man. Luke's there at five or six in the morning until like, ten or eleven at night? Suck. ["That's life when you run your own business. By the way, it's 4 AM EST right now." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai says that they'll go the long way. Rory says that they can't, because they'd have to go by the school, and on CuteDean's days off, he practices basketball at the courts by the school. Sorry, football. Basketball is my ex-boyfriend. I'm having separation issues with Gilmore Girls, okay? Lorelai says they'll just go down Peach and circle around, but Rory shakes her head, smiles, and reminds Lorelai that CuteDean lives on Peach. Lorelai starts panicking because she's been completely cut off from Luke's, which is where the coffee is. Rory apologizes. Lorelai says that they'll figure something out.
Cut to Rory apologizing as they walk through some trash-filled alley. Lorelai says that she understands. They pass a cat. Rory says that you can tell a lot about a person from his garbage -- his diet, what he reads, whether he's responsible, whether he pays his bills on time. Lorelai says that trash doesn't actually talk at all unless it's on Sesame Street. Rory starts going through someone's trash until Lorelai pulls her away.
Luke's is packed, and pumped full of townies we've never seen before. Lorelai says that she doesn't recognize any of these people. Rory says it's the 6 AM crowd. Suddenly, Rachel is there holding cups of coffee for Rory and Lorelai to drink while they wait for a table. I really dislike Rachel, and I don't even have a reason to yet. Lorelai jokes that Luke put Rachel to work already. Rachel says that if she's going to be hanging around for a while, she might as well help out. Lorelai pretends to be happy that Rachel is going to be hanging around for a while. Rory asks where Luke is. Rachel tells a story that basically sounds like, "Well, he was going to come into work, but I wanted him to stay in bed but he wouldn't, so I fucked him silly, he passed out, I got dressed and came here to work and he loves me more now than he'll ever love anyone else. Because I'm PERFECT. Because they want me to sound BETTER THAN YOU. And I AM." Rory finds a table, and Rachel says she'll be over in a second.
Rory sits at the table and says she feels like everyone is staring at her. Lorelai tells her that no one is staring at her. Rory says that everyone already knows, and that the entire town is now laughing at her. Lorelai says that it only happened a few hours ago, and that there's no way everyone already knows. Rory insists that everyone must know. Lorelai asks whether Rory wants to go home. Rory says they have a list of things to do. Lorelai asks whether Rory would like eggs, French toast, or the key to the dumpster. Rory says she doesn't care. Lorelai stands up to order, I guess, or something.
Miss Patty stops Lorelai inside the diner and is acting all sweet-like, so Lorelai knows she knows. Miss Patty crumbles and says she feels awful; she feels responsible. "Well, you should," Lorelai says. Hee. Miss Patty says she got CuteDean (does anyone else think it's strange when they call him "Dean" instead of "CuteDean"?) the job at the market, and that she encouraged CuteDean and Rory to be together. Miss Patty fails to mention that she also left her dance hall open for the crashers. Lorelai asks Miss Patty not to say anything to Rory about it, and to tell everyone to leave Rory alone. Miss Patty says that she will, and asks Lorelai to give Rory a hug for her.
Luke wanders downstairs, putting on his watch. Lorelai sees him and wishes him a good morning. Luke sheepishly grumbles that Rachel thought he looked "a little tired." Lorelai says that it's good that he got a break, and comments that Rachel seems comfortable at the diner. Luke says that Rachel always could just fit in anywhere. Cut to Rachel walking around with a half-empty pot of coffee, just fitting in like a charm. Lorelai says that Rachel looks good in Luke's apron. Luke stammers a new subject, presumably because Rachel woke him up that morning wearing only that apron. Lorelai asks Luke to make some chocolate chip pancakes for Rory. Luke asks the occasion. Lorelai tells him that CuteDean broke up with Rory. Luke is enraged. Lorelai says that Rory doesn't want anyone to know about it. Luke says that he knew CuteDean was trouble. Lorelai asks for the pancakes, but Luke's just going on about the nerve on CuteDean. He says that he's never going to find someone better than Rory. Luke grumps a "good riddance," and Lorelai asks for the food. Luke asks how Rory is doing. Lorelai says, "She's been dumped. By her first boyfriend." Luke grumbles another threat in CuteDean's direction, and says he'll put extra whipped cream on Rory's pancakes. Lorelai thanks him.
Lorelai turns back to the table. Kirk is talking to Rory: "I never liked him. Something about the shape of his forehead or his height or the floppy hairstyle. Actually, yes. On reflection, I think it was the floppy hairstyle." I love Kirk above every other Townie. Lorelai interrupts Kirk to wish him a good morning. Kirk turns and says, "Lorelai. I want to express my apologies for not voicing my concerns about that...floppy-haired jerk earlier." Lorelai tells him that he needs to leave now. Kirk says that he can't leave unless she accepts his apology. She does. Kirk turns to leave, but leans back to say, "It will not happen again."
Lorelai sits down and asks Rory whether she's sure that she doesn't want to -- "Do not say 'wallow'!" Rory interrupts. "Sssswallow your coffee before you eat?" Lorelai finishes. Rory says that she's fine. Lorelai says that she can tell by the look on her face that Rory's not fine. "It's the same look you had when you broke up with Max," Rory says. "Did wallowing help you get over him?" Lorelai stammers that wallowing isn't going to help Rory to get over CuteDean, but that it's part of the process -- the mourning period. Lorelai says that the only thing that will help her get over him is time. Rory asks how much time it took for Lorelai to get over Max. Lorelai says that she's not sure, exactly. Rory asks again, but Lorelai says that she's not really sure. Rory keeps asking, and Lorelai keeps being vague. Luke walks over and announces that the pancakes are almost ready. He fills Rory's coffee cup and asks whether she'd like some strawberries. Rory tries to turn them down, but Luke's already off to get them. Rory turns to Lorelai and accuses her of telling Luke. Lorelai says she didn't tell Luke but that Miss Patty did, which isn't true at all.
We hear Rory ask Lorelai who told Miss Patty, but we see Luke look outside the diner window to spy CuteDean walking toward the door. Luke slams his coffee pot down and runs outside, racing toward CuteDean with his hand up and barking, "Stop right there." CuteDean is confused. Luke asks where he's going. CuteDean says that he's going to get coffee. Luke says that he's not going in there. "Turn around, Bag Boy," Luke says. CuteDean asks whether Luke is serious. "Do you see a smile on this face?" Luke asks. You know, I bet it's that leather jacket CuteDean is wearing. It always makes boys make poor decisions. But I still think that CuteDean didn't do anything wrong here. I bet he told Rory that they should break up until she decides she's ready to be with him, and that she just hasn't told us that at all. She's acting funny and blaming him, but I bet he's just giving her space and she doesn't know how to react to it all. This is because I want CuteDean to do no wrong. Y'all. He's making her a car. He wouldn't just dump her. ["But she's not accusing him of anything -- she just keeps saying that he 'doesn't want to be [her] boyfriend anymore.' Maybe that's all that happened; maybe he was just so embarrassed that she didn't say it back that he didn't know what else to do than break up with her (which is not the same as dumping her). I don't want him to do any wrong, either, but I don't think that his reacting immaturely out of humiliation and hurt is necessarily wrong -- just unfortunate. And not irrevocable." -- Wing Chun] CuteDean starts walking into the diner, and Luke pushes him the other direction, calling him a "smart guy." CuteDean asks what's going on. Luke says that he's exercising his right not to serve him. CuteDean tells him to let go and tries to do a fake under Luke's arm. They're now struggling with their arms around each other's hips. Hey, nice CuteDean butt shot, there.
Rory is telling Lorelai that everyone in town is going to know. Through the window to them, we see CuteDean and Luke still in a wrestling pose. Lorelai chokes on her coffee when she sees the scuffle. Rory and Lorelai get up and run outside...
...where Lorelai yells for Luke and CuteDean to break it up. Luke has CuteDean in a headlock. Lorelai smacks Luke a few times on the back and pulls him off CuteDean, demanding to know what he thinks he's doing. "He started it," Luke counters, adding that CuteDean was trying to enter the restaurant. Rory quietly stares at CuteDean. "Are you a lunatic?" Lorelai asks Luke. "He's sixteen!" CuteDean looks away from Rory and rubs his hand through his CuteHair. Lorelai pulls Luke back into the diner. Where was Rachel during all that? In the street, Rory asks CuteDean if he's okay. "I'm fine," he mutters, still not looking at her. Rory says that's good, and adds that she doesn't know what got into Luke. CuteDean interrupts her to say he has to go, and walks right past her without looking at her. "Sure," Rory says quietly. Ow. Luke starts charging toward CuteDean again, but Lorelai is holding him back. CuteDean walks away, Luke goes back inside, and Lorelai sees Rory pouting on the street. Lorelai walks over to Rory, grabs her jacket, and asks for the list. Rory finally pulls out the list and suggests that they go buy a soap dish for the kitchen. They walk off.
Lorelai and Rory enter the house with their arms full of shopping bags. Wow. That's a boring sentence. Sorry. Rory says that they got everything on the list except for the brown extension cord. Lorelai reminds her that they're picking that up on Tuesday. This means that they can celebrate finishing the list. Lorelai asks whether Rory's happy. Rory says that she appreciates a job well done. Lorelai is excited about her toaster pizzas, because by their very name she knows they'll be nasty and good like junk food should be. Rory gets excited over her plug-in air freshener and goes to try it.
There's a knock at the door. It's sweet Sally Struthers, warbling in, calling everyone "Sugah." Man. I wish Kirk and Babette would date. Babette is freaking out, screaming Rory's name and begging to console her. Lorelai grabs Babette and stops the Struthering, pushing Babette outside to tell her that she appreciates her coming over, but that Rory doesn't want any help right now. Babette says that you have to go through a lot of really bad relationships to get to the good one, and offers to tell Rory about all of the horrible men she's known in her life. Lorelai tries to talk, but Babette's not done: "Really, truly horrible men." Lorelai tries again, but Babette's all, "I was pushed out of a moving car once." I love this show. Lorelai: "Now, that's a pithy little antecdote." Cut to Rory walking into the kitchen and listening in as Lorelai says she wants Babette to tell her all of these things, but just not right now. "Is she really bad?" Babette asks. "She'll be fine," Lorelai assures her.
Rory walks back into her room and closes the door. She walks over to her bed and lies down on her back. She holds her wrist and stares at the place where her bracelet used to be. She almost cries, gets angry, punches the bed and sits up. She pulls some books out of her backpack. While she goes through a bunch of papers, one falls into her lap. She opens it.
Rory walks into the kitchen still holding the piece of paper. Lorelai stammers a lie about why Babette was there, but Rory just hands her the piece of paper. It's the invitation to Fraulein's party. "I'm going to go," Rory smiles. Lorelai says that Rory could just stay home and read The Bell Jar and have the same effect. Rory says that she's going to school at Chilton for the two and a half years, so it wouldn't kill her to be social. So, Rory's a sophomore. Right? Okay. Good. Got that cleared up. ["Told you!" -- Wing Chun] Harvard isn't really three years away. ["But it is 'about' three years away -- like, over two and a half." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai suggests that Rory bring Lane with her. Rory says that it's a good idea. ["Lane's mom would let Lane go to a party in another city on a few hours' notice?" -- Wing Chun] Rory asks to borrow the car and some clothes, to which Lorelai quickly agrees. Rory asks whether she's going to get everything she asks for today because Lorelai feels sorry for her. Lorelai says yes. Rory goes off to make a list.
Lane and Rory are getting ready to go to the party. I can't believe Lane is allowed to go to a party. With boys. ["Dude. I am so on your length." -- Wing Chun] Lane asks Rory how she's doing. Rory says she's fine, ob la di, ob la da. Lane says that she saw CuteDean today, but that she didn't know if she should tell Rory she did. Rory says that it's fine, and asks what he said. Lane says that CuteDean walked away as soon as she saw him, and adds that he looked really sad. Rory says that she doesn't want him to be sad. Lane asks whether Rory's sure she wants to go out tonight. "Why does everybody keep asking me that?" Rory asks. Lane says that she'd be fine hanging out, listening to music, talking or not talking. Rory says that they're going to the party, that it's going to be great, and that's final. Lorelai tells Lane not to argue with her, and puts a necklace on Rory. "It's pretty," Rory smiles. Lorelai hands Rory a phone and some "mad money," and tells Rory to call if she's going to be any later than midnight. Rory stops because she sees the box of corn starch: "Um, the corn starch. The first time Dean kissed me, he..." She says she'll go throw it out, but Lorelai takes it and says she'll take care of it. They say goodbye. Lorelai tells them to look in the sock drawers: "Rich people have hilarious sock drawers."
Lorelai puts the corn starch box in the closet, and sees a box on the top shelf. She pulls it off the shelf and sits down with it. She starts going through the contents, and finds Max's Proust book.
Lorelai knocks on Sookie's door starts to ask a question, but Sookie runs inside the house. Lorelai follows her inside. Sookie is staring at the space between two closed doors. Lorelai asks how Sookie's x-ray vision is going. Sookie excitedly explains that Jackson is making dinner for her. Lorelai says that's nice of him. Sookie agrees that it is, but she's clearly worried that Jackson isn't going to cook everything correctly. She keeps shouting orders and concerns through the door. No, it's funny -- it's just hard to explain. Sookie's all knocking on the door and trying to laugh about the very real horror of Jackson's possibly using the wrong pans to sauté the onions. Lorelai starts to ask her favor again, but Sookie wants Lorelai to go into the kitchen to spy for her and make sure that Jackson's preparing the food properly. Lorelai asks Sookie why she doesn't just go in there herself. Sookie gets all guilty and says that Jackson kicked her out and won't allow her back in. Lorelai says that Jackson is trying to do something nice for Sookie, and that Sookie won't just relax and let someone else prepare the food for a change. Sookie begs Lorelai just to take a peek, then hands her a Polaroid camera and asks, "Take a picture for me." Lorelai refuses to spy on Jackson. Sookie says that she has to go in the kitchen. Jackson opens the doors on Sookie and tells her to stay right where she is. Jackson explains that he's trying to do something nice, and that she's ruining it. Lorelai plops down on the couch and accidentally takes a picture of herself with the camera in her hands. Sookie says that she was only suggesting. Jackson says that she suggested the ladle right out of his hands four times. She says that she had to skim the sauce. Jackson screams, "Oh, dammit, Sookie! This was supposed to be romantic!" "It is!" Sookie screams back. Jackson orders her to stay out of the kitchen. He says that he's going to cook this meal alone, and that he's going to clean up afterward -- alone. "Oh, no!" Sookie protests. "Oh, yes," Jackson says. Sookie says that Jackson doesn't know how to put everything in the dishwasher the right way; she has a system. As Jackson goes back into the kitchen, Sookie begs him to use the chart in the pantry she's drawn up. He shouts that he's going solo: "Just because I can!" Lorelai tells Sookie that she should just enjoy this nice thing that Jackson's doing for her. Sookie says that she knows that it's nice, and sits down. Lorelai asks to borrow her car for a little while. Sookie hands her the keys and asks what's so important. Lorelai says she'll tell her later. Sookie tells her to take her time with the car, since she's in for the night. Lorelai leaves, and Sookie sighs. A crash from the kitchen propels Sookie back to the closed doors, shouting, "What happened? What did you do?"
Lorelai walks over to Mustang Max's apartment. She rings the doorbell. He answers. She says hi. He's surprised. Lorelai tells him that Rory and CuteDean broke up and that Rory won't wallow and that Lorelai thinks Rory should wallow to get through the pain. She adds that Rory asked how long it took Lorelai to get over Max, and that she'd be lying if she gave Rory any time frame at all, because Lorelai's not over Max. Lorelai can't teach Rory anything about love, because she doesn't know anything. Lorelai stumbles around and eventually says that she's an idiot and a hypocrite and that she misses him. He asks her in. She goes. He shuts the door and we go to commercial. ["I scream. Glark, who's just started watching the show in the past month or so, asks, 'Who's Greasy?' Exactly." -- Wing Chun]
I'm always smoking when these anti-smoking commercials come on.
Beck's playing at the rich-kid party. Lane is amazed at the size of Fraulein's house, and asks whether that's what Emily's house looks like. Rory says it's not so castle-y, and thanks Lane for coming with her. Lane is happy about the pool table. Rory is impressed by the DJ. Fraulein, Louisa, and Paris walk up. Fraulein is happy that Rory showed up. Louisa instantly gets wet at the mouth with her stupid blonde hair and her stupid pouty red lips and asks where Rory's great boyfriend is. Rory says that CuteDean didn't come because his white horse is in the shop. "You guys didn't break up, did you?" Louisa asks with her hand practically on her cell phone. Lane saves the day by introducing herself. Fraulein says hello. Two older boys slink up behind the girls, put their arms around Fraulein and Louisa, and ask to see the poolhouse. Fraulein starts to say that they've already seen it, and Louisa has to explain that they haven't seen it this way before. Fraulein finally understands and they sex off. "Later, Paris," Louisa tarts. "No glove, no love," Paris drones. "Lovely," Louisa sluts. Paris checks her watch and says she didn't think Rory was a party girl. Rory says that she thought she'd come by and check it out. "Same people we see every day except now we get to see them dance," Paris says, and asks where CuteDean is. Rory tells her that they broke up. Paris says that at least Rory had a boyfriend for a while. Rory asks where they can find some soda. "Keep up, because I'm not turning around," Paris says as she walks off. Lane smiles and says that Rory wasn't exaggerating about Paris. "Paris needs no embellishment," Rory says.
At the soda table, Lane observes that all of the soda is French. Paris explains, "Madeline's mother has a French fetish. She's obsessed with all things French. French wine, French food, French water, French cellulite products." Their conversation is interrupted by Philllipppe's arguing with his girlfriend. The girlfriend doesn't want to talk to Philllipppe, and he's asking why she locked herself in a bathroom with another boy. She asks him what he thinks she was doing in there. He tells her she's his girlfriend. She calls him a caveman and asks if he's going to club her and drag her back to her Porsche. "Summer, please," Philllipppe starts, but Outkast starts playing in the background, and Summer starts grooving and walks off to dance. Rory watches. Philllipppe sees her watching and walks off. "I just love that Summer, don't you?" Paris asks, and then announces that it's 9:45. Rory asks why she keeps checking her watch. Paris explains that her mother is making her stay at the party until 10:30.
Paris leans against a doorway. Rory walks over and asks why Paris's mother would care. "She thinks I'm not enough of a people person," Paris says, sarcastically adding that she doubts highly that Madame Curie was voted "Most Likely To Dress Like Jennifer Lopez." Rory asks whether Paris wants to be a scientist. Paris nods, smiles, and says, "Cancer research." "Cool," Rory says. Lane walks over and says, "Oh, no." Turns out that the only Korean boy at the party has his "Korean Girl Radar turned on." The Korean boy makes a beeline over to Lane. He introduces himself. Lane introduces Rory and Paris. "We've met," Paris drones. "Paris," Korean Boy says. His name is Henry. He asks Lane to dance. Lane tells him that they're talking. Henry asks whether they can put the conversation on hold for one dance: "No crazy dance mixes." Lane agrees, and tells Rory that if she's not back in one dance, Rory has to come down with whatever illness will make them have to leave. Rory complies by saying that she already feels a fever coming on, and Lane leaves Rory with Lane's jacket. "Unbelievable," Paris says, as Lane starts dancing all cute and sexy with Henry. "She's here five minutes and she has a date. I've been going to this school nine years and I'm the French soda monitor," Paris pouts. Sorry, Miss Bratson. Rory watches the party and the dancing for a little while, sighs, and walks off.
The DJ is moving his turntable slowly with one finger, even though the music is just playing "Every Day I Write the Book" without any sort of scratching. There is dancing. Rory drops the coats in the pool table room and finds Philllipppe staring off, all sad and pouty.
Meanwhile, Lorelai is getting her mack on. She and Max are in lip-lock, and Lorelai stops to say that she didn't come there just to make out. They kiss some more, and Max pulls away to say that this is crazy. In an overhead shot, we watch the two of them pace and stammer around. Max says that he doesn't see her for months, and now this. They kiss again. "You do that so good," Lorelai smiles. Max makes her sit on the couch; he sits on a chair far from the couch and puts a table between them so that they can talk without mugging down. He asks how she's been. She says she's been "good." He says that she looks really good. She says he does too. He says he's missed her. She says she's glad, because otherwise the greeting would have been inappropriate. He says he's been thinking about them. She says she hasn't, and that it's a good thing, because if she gave it any thought it'd be too hard. She asks if he has any solutions. He doesn't. "So, nothing's changed," she says. He agrees. She says that it was probably a bad idea for her to go there. "Probably," he says. They sit in silence for a second. "Screw this," Max says, tossing the table over and grabbing her into a kiss. Commercial.
You know, I wish I liked Max even a little bit. Even his striking resemblance to my good-hearted friend isn't helping. I just find him to be creepy with that forehead ridge you could trip over.
Lane and Henry are slow-dancing. Rory walks over to them. She taps Lane and asks whether she's sick yet. Lane says that Rory might just have allergies. "Keep me posted," Rory smiles, walking off.
Paris says that her watch stopped and urgently asks Rory for the time. It's 10:35. Paris celebrates and hauls ass out of the house. Rory sighs and walks around the party. Where are the chaperones at this place?
Rory sits in a chair and pulls out her book. Phillllipppe and Summer walk into the room and start arguing. He wants to leave. She's tired of fighting. He wants to talk. She wants to break up. He asks to go somewhere and talk. She tells him to go do that, and walks off. Philllipppe storms out of the room as Lane storms in saying she has a problem: "He's really good in school. He's going to be a doctor. Pediatrician, to be exact. His parents are extremely involved in their local church. He himself helps out with Sunday school. He speaks Korean fluently. He respects his parents. And he's also really cute, very funny, and surprisingly interesting." Rory says she fails to see the problem here. "I'm falling for a guy my parents would approve of. They'd love him! They'd go crazy! There'd be dancing in the Kim house! Dancing!" "Really?" Rory asks. Lane amends, "Followed by a lot of praying. But initially, there'd be dancing." Lane adds that this is horrible, and can't happen. They have to go now. Rory grabs her stuff. Henry walks in, and Lane melts. He apologizes to Rory for monopolizing Lane all night. Rory says it's okay, adding that she's had Lane for fifteen years and is starting to get sick of her. She says that they should go, because she has a strict mother. Henry asks if they can stay for one more dance. Rory starts to say that they can't, but Lane interrupts to say that one dance would be fine. Lane prances off and smiles that she'll be back.
Lorelai and Max are naked in a bed, holding hands in a post-coital cuddle. "Well, I certainly didn't come over here for that," Lorelai says. Max says he knows and kisses her head. Yo, that's a funky chest that man has. The hair is swirling around so furiously, it looks like his nipple is inside his chest. No, it's actually outlined in a thick circle of hair. Maybe they put gel on it or something? Lorelai tells Max he's a wonderful man. He asks what happens now. Lorelai's finger gets stuck in the center of Max's chest hair as she says, "I don't know." She says it's late, and that she should get Sookie's car back. Max asks if this is it: "You leave and we forget this ever happened?" Lorelai strokes his arm and says no. "Then what?" he asks. Lorelai says that she leaves, and they go on with their lives, and at some point they...buy...some soup. Max isn't in the mood to joke about soup being good food. She says she doesn't want to leave and forget it happened; she wants a solution to make everything better, but she can't think of anything. Max says that they should talk on the phone about themselves on a regular basis. He explains that they won't solve their problem by staying away from each other, nor will they solve it by not staying away from each other. Lorelai says that they'll burn more calories the second way. Max says that he wants to solve this. Lorelai says that she does, too. Max says that they'll talk. She agrees. They kiss. She pulls back and says that they're supposed to be talking. He tells her that there's plenty of time to talk. They kiss some more.
Rory stumbles upon Philllipppe, who's plunking some keys on a piano. She apologizes for walking in. He says it's fine. She says she's sorry about Summer. He says he doesn't want to talk about it. She asks how he did on the biology test, and comments that it was hard; she got a B+. He asks why she's talking about the test. She says it's because he doesn't want to talk about Summer, so she moved to Biology. Philllipppe says that Rory must have loved seeing him get dumped. Everyone did. Rory says that she didn't love it, and sits down to him on the bench. "I really liked her, too," Philllipppe says. Rory says that she knows. Philllipppe asks her where CuteDean is. Rory says that he's not her boyfriend anymore. Philllipppe: "Why not?" Rory: "He didn't want to be." Philllipppe: "Idiot." See? I'm just not buying this at all. This "he didn't want to be." Rory says that Summer is an idiot, too. Philllipppe asks whether Rory thinks that she'll get back together with CuteDean. "He was pretty set in his decision," Rory says. He asks when it happened. "Yesterday," she says. "Wow," Philllipppe whispers. Rory: "It was our three-month anniversary." Philllipppe: "That sucks." Rory agrees that it does. She asks if he'll get back with Summer. About seven times, he says that they won't. He leans in and apologizes for giving her such a hard time for a while. She says it's okay. "It is?" he asks. Rory smiles and says, "Well, no. But you're sad." Philllipppe apologizes again, and Rory accepts. Philllipppe laughs that it's a great party. Rory says it gave her a chance to catch up on her reading. "You are very odd, you know that?" Philllipppe asks her. Rory thanks him. He says, "You're welcome," and then slowly leans in. They kiss. Rory kisses him back, and then pulls away. He apologizes and asks whether he bit her lip or something. Rory starts crying, says it isn't him, and stammers that she has to go.
Rory finds Lane and says that she has to go. Lane starts to leave, and Henry asks for her phone number. Lane says that her last name is Kim, and that hers are the only Kims in Stars Hollow. Lane runs off saying she can't believe she just gave her number to a potential Korean doctor.
Lorelai smiles back into her house, but she's missing the Just-Got-Laid Hair. She finds Rory sitting on the couch. Rory's wearing her pajamas and holding a gigantic bucket of ice cream in her lap. She looks up and sadly says, "I'm ready to wallow now." Man! Why does this show have to end with me crying all the damn time? Lorelai walks over to Rory as Rory starts crying. Lorelai kisses Rory's face and takes the Ben and Jerry's out of her lap. She puts a pillow down and pulls Rory to her lap. Rory keeps crying as Lorelai strokes Rory's hair and gets on the phone. She orders a pizza with everything and hangs up. She kisses Rory's shoulder as Rory sobs into the pillow, and we fade to black.
Man. What if that's the last of CuteDean, people? What if that's it? Oh, God. I hate it. I hate it!
week we meet Rory's and Lorelai's namesake. Apparently Emily isn't the perfect daughter(-in-law), either.