Previously on Gilmore Girls: Lorelai talked Luke into painting his diner. Lorelai lost Rory's chick in the house and called Luke to help her out. Sookie told Lorelai that she obviously likes Luke. So did Emily. Christopher rolled in on his motorcycle, completely throwing off Lorelai. Rory asked Christopher to stay with them for a few days.
Here's another thing that I like about this show. The episode begins with Rory preparing the couch for Christopher, and both she and Lorelai are still wearing the same clothes from the end of the last episode. The costume continuity: good. The timeline continuity: eh. ["Yeah, but that doesn't bother me so much. It's not like it's Ed, where entire court cases get started, go to trial, and get to a verdict within the span of, like, two days." -- Wing Chun] Rory asks Lorelai whether she thinks Christopher looks good. Lorelai agrees that he does. Rory hopes that she can get Christopher to stay for a couple of weeks. Lorelai says that Rory's on the right track, weighing him down with tons of blankets to keep him there. Rory insists that she just wants Christopher to be comfortable. Lorelai says that Christopher is going to come and go as he pleases, "and no amount of bedding is going to change that." Rory notes that Christopher hasn't ever come to Stars Hollow before, so something must be different. Lorelai sighs and tells Rory just to enjoy the time she has. Rory agrees, but insists that something must be different.
Christopher comes down the stairs, complaining about the water pressure in the shower and pledging to fix it the day. Lorelai asks him to not play with her pipes. Rory says that food is on the way, and Lorelai hands Christopher a cup of coffee. Rory asks how "Diane" is doing. Christopher says that Diane is "ancient history." Rory squints and reminds him that when she met Diane at Easter, Christopher had said she could be The One. "The One to be gone by Memorial Day," Christopher jokes as he sits beside Lorelai. Rory says he's worse than Lorelai. "Low blow!" Lorelai shouts. Christopher: "Can't keep a feller happy?" Lorelai: "Oh, I keep 'em happy. I keep 'em very happy." Rory: "Okay, Mom. Don't get gross." Rory says she's going to go study until the food arrives. Christopher is shocked and says that tomorrow is Saturday. Man, I don't understand these weeks. Monday, Friday, Tuesday, Friday, Friday, Friday, Saturday. At the end of the last episode (which is supposed to be today), Luke and Lorelai made plans for Friday night. They didn't say "tonight," but "Friday night." And, it was just Friday night because Lorelai and Rory were at Emily's. Now it's Friday again. Rory tells Christopher that she likes to get all of her weekend studying out of the way early so she can do extra-credit stuff on Sunday.
Rory leaves, and Christopher tells Lorelai that Rory is a great kid. He says he wishes he saw more of himself in her than their similar left earlobes. The dialogue gets faster, here. Lorelai: "Why the hell are you here?" Christopher: "Behold the queen of the subtle transition." Lorelai: "Why are you here?" Christopher: "You're gonna force me to lawyer up, Officer." Lorelai: "Christopher?" Christopher says he's been making some changes in his life and he thinks he's gotten himself together business-wise, and he's been tying up loose ends. Lorelai keeps interrupting him to make jokes until Christopher says she's always done that to him and that it's annoying. Yes, it is. Christopher says that he doesn't know how much Grampa has told her, but for the first time in his life, his business is really starting to come together. He has employees and money. Lorelai says she'd love to believe it's true. Christopher sighs and asks why Grampa has more faith in him than she does. Lorelai says that Grampa hit his head a few years ago and now his judgment's a little off. Lorelai says she knows Christopher, and she knows he's the boy who crashed his new Porsche two hours after his parents gave it to him. He reminds her that she was the girl in the passenger seat to him having the time of her life. Lorelai says she's glad his life is back in order, and that she appreciates his coming all the way to Stars Hollow just to tell her that. Christopher says that's not the only reason he came out there. Christopher kind of looks like Joey Lawrence. He adds that there are some things he needs to take care of. They make it look like he's just about to ask to borrow money, but instead he says that he hasn't been enough a part of Rory's life. He wants to be around more, to "be a pal" for Rory. He says he's not trying to intrude on Rory's life as it already exists, but just to be there for her. He asks for a chance. Lorelai says that Christopher has always had "the door to Rory" open for him, and that he's hardly ever used it. "Well, I'm gonna use it now," he says. He asks if that's okay, and Lorelai defensively tells him that it is. Rory walks back into the room and asks if Christopher wants to go to a softball game with her the morning. He asks whether she plays softball. Lorelai and Rory laugh until Rory says no. He asks whose game it is. Rory says, "My friend Dean." "Dean?" Christopher asks. "Yeah, Dean," Rory says with the Love Voice. Christopher says he'll go. Rory walks away and Christopher turns to Lorelai to ask, "She has a Dean?" "She has a Dean," Lorelai answers. Christopher says he needs a beer. As Christopher is walking away, Lorelai stops him to say there's more than just an earlobe resemblance there. Christopher says that's good, and thanks her again "for the door thing." Lorelai sits and thinks quietly until the opening credits take over.
Luke is pitching to CuteDean. The way the softball field is set up, though, it looks like only Luke and CuteDean are playing. Christopher asks Rory which one is CuteDean. She points him out. Then she points out Luke. Christopher and Rory sit in the bleachers in front of Resident Townie Kirk. Luke and CuteDean smack-talk each other for a bit, until Kirk interrupts to shout that Luke can't pitch and CuteDean can't hit. The little blonde girl sitting to Kirk is cracking me up. She's like, "That man is funny, but I'm not supposed to think so." Luke shouts that he'd think Kirk would have something better to do with his Saturdays. Kirk: "What can I say? I'm addicted to comedy." CuteDean spots Rory in the bleachers and gives her a CuteWave. Kirk keeps on heckling, and now it's not even funny anymore (the little blonde girl seems to be agreeing with me). Christopher asks how long the games last. Rory says they usually last until the players get tired, and then they just say the first team to get a run wins. Kirk says it's very professional. Then he shouts, "Hey! Luke! Does your husband play softball, too?" ["Okay, I thought that was funny." -- Wing Chun] Luke takes off his glove and says, "All right, that's it." Kirk sees that Luke's walking over for a beatdown, and Kirk excuses himself by saying he's "getting a page" and then runs away. Kirk has the Wuss Run down perfectly. The legs go sort of out to the side and the arms are stiff with the fingers stretched out. Aw, man. It's hard to describe, but a good Wuss Run will make me laugh anytime.
CuteDean walks over to Rory. She introduces him to Christopher. CuteDean asks, "So. Do you live in the area?" which seems a strange question. Hasn't he ever asked Rory where her dad lives before? Christopher tells CuteDean that he had "some time," so he rode his bike from Berkeley. Ow. That's a long motorcycle ride. CuteDean asks what he rides. Rory tells him. CuteDean says he has an '86 Suzuki. Christopher is impressed. CuteDean goes back to his game. I love that in episode one Lorelai totally called that CuteDean would eventually have a motorcycle. Rory and Christopher look at each other and sit back on the bleachers. After a moment of silence, Christopher says, "So, that was a Dean." "That was a Dean," Rory repeats.
CuteDean runs up to Luke and asks if run can win. Luke agrees.
Lorelai walks into the Independence Inn kitchen to find Sookie and Michel huddled together in hysterical fits of laughter. Lorelai is shocked and pleased. She says she's never seen them share a "pleasant moment together." "Oh, come on!" Sookie says. Michel stops laughing to say, "You have seen us share a pleasant moment." Lorelai says she's pretty sure she hasn't. "Oh, you are being absurd," Michel Frenches. Sookie laughs and says, "You have to admit, they are pretty few and far between." Michel stops laughing and says, "Through no fault of mine." Lorelai says she finds it refreshing. Sookie isn't done yet and says that he's the one that's "so...I don't know." All laughing is over now. Michel: "Oh, I think you do know, otherwise you wouldn't have started saying it." Sookie: "Just yourself. Caustic." Michel: "You mean obnoxious?" Sookie: "Your words, not mine." Michel stands up and says, "Go to hell." He walks off as Lorelai moans that she ruined this pleasant moment. Sookie tells Lorelai to tell her about what's going on at home. Lorelai talks about her broken toaster until Sookie says she wants to know what it's like to have Christopher in the house. Lorelai says it's a little weird, and that she and Rory have fewer clean towels than they usually do. Lorelai says she's been trying to figure out how she feels about all of this since he asked her to take her shirt off the other day. Sookie asks how he did that. Lorelai dismisses it and says he was really just saying hello, sorta. Sookie admires how smooth Christopher is. Lorelai says she hasn't seen him since last Christmas (she must mean two Christmases ago), and that they only hear from him maybe once a week (which seems like much more contact that previously hinted), and now suddenly he's here and Rory's excited and he's on the couch and she wonders if she should be mad and send him to a hotel, but then he smiles, and it's "Christopher." Sookie hands Lorelai a biscotti. Lorelai says that no matter what he does or how many years go by, he's still "Christopher." She asks what to do with the biscotti, and Sookie tells her to dunk it in the coffee. I'm not buying at all that Lorelai has no idea what to do with biscotti. Lorelai says that Christopher knows all of her secrets and that all of her "bad girl moments" happened with him. Sookie asks if Lorelai thinks the two of them will get together. Lorelai says a weak "no." She says that Christopher wants to be more involved with Rory. Sookie says it's about time. Lorelai agrees that it's good, and that she hopes it's true. "And if it's not?" Sookie asks. Lorelai dumps the biscotti into the coffee and says, "Then...it's...'Christopher.'"
Rory is showing Christopher around Stars Hollow. She's explaining that "Al's Pancake World" actually serves International Cuisine, but the owner had printed "a million" napkins with the original name, so he just kept it. Miss Patty walks up talking to Rory like she thinks Rory's lost and talking to a stranger, or like Miss Patty forgot to take some medication and she's wandering around looking for her shoes. Rory introduces her to Christopher. Miss Patty says that everyone in town is a parent to Rory, so that makes her and Christopher practically lovers. Ooooookay. That's exactly what Rory says too and excuses the two of them. As they leave, the "sneaky" music kicks in and Miss Patty pulls out her cell phone and makes a call.
Rory and Christopher continue walking down the street until Cardigan Man interrupts them. He introduces himself and Christopher and Rory keep walking. Cardigan Man immediately gets on his cordless and makes a call.
Rory and Christopher enter the bookstore. Jackson is there and immediately introduces himself. He says that "they" said that Christopher looked like Brad Pitt, but Jackson thinks Christopher looks more like George Clooney. The bookstore owner chimes in that he thinks Christopher looks more like Billy Crudup. Jackson makes Christopher show his profile, and agrees. Christopher looks nothing like any of these three men. It's kind of a forced and awkward scene, really. Rory and Christopher walk back through the aisles. Christopher says he's going to kidnap Rory and get her out of this town, and then tells her to pick out a book so he can buy it for her. She says the book of her dreams right now is the Compact Oxford English Dictionary, but she couldn't ask him to buy her that because it's so expensive. He orders one and says she needs a token to remember this visit. It's a huge book. Rory tells him that it has every word ever recorded in the English language, including origins and usage. Christopher hands the owner a credit card, so we can get the obligatory "Christopher doesn't have as much money as he says" scene. And...there it is. His credit card is declined. The owner whispers it, but there's no one else in the store. Christopher asks him to hold the book for him so he can "come back the day" with a new card. They leave the store. Now, if they were following the rule of three here, the shop owner would have pulled out a phone, dialed it and shouted, "Deadbeat! He's a deadbeat! Tell Taylor he owes me ten bucks." But instead, we just move on to the scene.
Christopher tells Rory that now she'll really remember him. Rory says she didn't want the book that much anyway. Christopher hugs her and kisses the top of her head. He asks her to not tell Lorelai about this. She says she won't. The camera pans over to a few feet in front of them, where Jackson is holding court with a few Townies. He tells them that Christopher is Rory's real dad, and that he seems very nice. He says that Christopher must have some money because he's got that "money nose." Someone in the group coughs to alert Jackson, and he turns around to find Christopher and Rory. As Jackson tips his hat to us, one of the extras looks straight into the camera and smiles. Jackson turns and does the Wuss Run away from them. Perfect. Arms straight at sides, feet flopping out behind him, head cocked just so.
Jackson runs past Luke's Diner, where the camera falls to Lorelai. Luke refills her coffee and says that Rory was at the game today with "some guy." Lorelai assumes that Luke means CuteDean, but then realizes he's talking about Christopher. Luke seems mildly interested, and Lorelai reminds him that she and Christopher had sex. "He did a good job," Luke says. "Impregnating me?" Lorelai asks. Luke says the conversation has taken "a very weird turn," and walks away.
Rory and Christopher enter and sit with Lorelai, telling her about their day in Stars Hollow. Christopher gets a call on his cell phone, and Lorelai tells him to take it outside. He doesn't. I figured this is where Luke decides he hates Christopher, but they don't do anything with it. Instead, Christopher announces that Emily is on the phone, and Lorelai takes the call. "Lorelai," Emily says, beaming. "Christopher is in town!" Lorelai acts shocked and says she didn't know. She says she thought she was sitting across from "an amazing Christopher hologram." Emily says that she has a great idea: Christopher's parents are in town. For some reason, Christopher's father is named Straub, a name that describes either an old, crusty man or a young, vacuous stoner. Only one of those two people, no one else. Emily says that she's called to invite them to dinner, and that they're going to join all of them on Friday night. Lorelai sneers as she realizes that Emily wants Christopher to come to the Friday dinner as well. Emily reminds Lorelai that they haven't all been together in one room since Christopher and Lorelai "were children." She says that Straub and Francine haven't seen Rory since she was a baby. That's some bad grandparenting, right there. Emily says it'll be a "wonderful reunion." How is this possibly a good idea? Emily says she never thought this would happen. Lorelai looks over at Christopher and Rory talking and says, "Yeah. Me either." Commercial.
I guess it's been a week, because the camera pans down to Rory, Lorelai and Christopher standing in front of Emily's closed front door. They are all silent. Lorelai sighs and says, "I've gotta see my parents." Christopher: "I've gotta see my parents." Rory stands behind them and says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, the Drama King and Queen of Connecticut." Lorelai takes a key and unlocks the door.
They walk in and Lorelai shouts that they've arrived. Emily walks up surprised and hugs Christopher, saying that she didn't hear the doorbell. Lorelai says they didn't ring the doorbell, and that they let themselves in with the key Emily gave her. Emily says that the key is for emergencies. Lorelai says that she's starving to death. Emily walks them into the living room. Lorelai goes on about the key to Christopher, but he's just laughing.
Richard hugs Rory, gives a "Lorelai" to Lorelai, and then shakes Christopher's hand. They make small talk. Richard distributes martinis and asks Christopher about his business. I realize I'm not calling him Grampa anymore, but when he's not just hanging out with Rory, he seems much more like a Richard. Christopher says that business is going great, and that he's afraid to jinx it by talking about how well it's going. Richard says he always knew Christopher had it in him, and that he's got a "splash of greatness." Lorelai gets up to grab another martini. Man, she drank that one quickly. Emily says that Rory is the spitting image of Christopher. Rory smiles demurely as Richard hopes that Rory inherited some of Christopher's business sense. ["Rather a burn on Lorelai, who's sitting right there, runs a business, and is taking university-level Business courses." -- Wing Chun] Emily says that Rory inherited Christopher's musical talent. Lorelai sits back down and says that neither Rory nor Christopher has any musical talent. Christopher and Lorelai banter that Christopher has now learned the opening lick to "Jumping Jack Flash." Richard kicks back and declares himself a "Chuck Berry man," which sends Lorelai into a spit take. She says she never would have guessed that sentence would ever come out of Richard's mouth. Emily reminisces about a time when Christopher and Lorelai were ten and they put on a show for them. Lorelai doesn't remember, so Christopher reminds her that he was Schroeder and she was Lucy and he pretended to play the piano on the table. Lorelai asks why that was worth remembering. Emily beams and says it was a "wonderful production." Lorelai says it wasn't a production, but just one song. "Suppertime!" Christopher smiles. "Did you write that?" Richard asks with shock. He compliments Christopher on a wonderful song. Lorelai says it's from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. Richard says he thought Christopher might have written it, because he's a very talented man. Christopher beams at Lorelai, and she goes back to her drink.
The doorbell rings. Emily goes to greet Straub and Francine as Richard tells Christopher that he hasn't seen them in years. He says there was a time when they were "quite inseparable." Lorelai, Rory, and Christopher are alone on the couch. Rory says that this is weird: "These are my other grandparents. I don't even know them." She says she doesn't know what to call them. Christopher says to call them what he calls them. "Ass--" Lorelai interrupts to say Rory should call them Straub and Francine. Or Mr. and Mrs. Hayden. "Sir and Ma'am?" she offers. Lorelai decides it would be best for Rory not to call them anything.
Richard walks back into the room, announcing the arrival of Straub and Francine. Straub shakes Christopher's hand as Francine goes to straighten his tie. Francine says, "Lorelai...you look well." Lorelai says she is well, and introduces Rory. Francine says the last time she saw Rory she was just starting to speak in complete sentences. "So, not for two years, then," Lorelai laughs. Quick shots of everyone else not laughing, and coughing uncomfortably. Lorelai then explains that she was making a joke, and what the joke was about. Straub: "I see you haven't changed, Lorelai." Lorelai: "No. Not at all." Rory says hi. She waits for an uncomfortable second and then bobs into a quick curtsey. Lorelai then stage whispers, "Did you just curtsey?" Rory tells her to shut up. "Sorry, M'lady," Lorelai giggles.
Richard tells everyone to get comfortable, and asks Straub if he wants a martini. Straub does. Richard asks how retirement is treating Straub. They chit-chat about the Bahamas and the price of things. Richard and Straub start talking about Christopher's business success. Christopher is still pulling at his tie. Francine tells him to fix his tie. Rory stammers and stutters out a sentence in which she tries to address Francine and Straub and ends up wagging a finger at them, asking if they are enjoying their time in Connecticut. Christopher leans over to Lorelai and says that Rory gets that from her. Straub asks Rory her age. Rory says she's sixteen. "A dangerous age for girls," Straub tells Francine. Lorelai gives Straub a warning look. Emily brags that Rory is very smart and an excellent student. Richard says that Straub should have a talk with Rory, and that she could give him a run for his money. "Is that so?" Straub asks. "That's right," Emily smiles. Richard, Emily, and Straub then peer at Rory expectantly, and she just stares back at them, unsure of what she's supposed to say. She looks at Lorelai and then looks back. Straub looks down and then says to Francine, "Well, I think my money is safe." Asshole. Lorelai, trying to help as she does, immediately busts out, "I hate President Bush." Straub snaps, "What?" as Emily tries to shut Lorelai up. Christopher has lowered his head to his lap as Lorelai says she thinks Bush is stupid and that "his face is too tiny for his head." Straub says, "He's the leader of our country, young lady." Richard tells Straub to ignore her. Francine doesn't understand what kind of comment the "face too small for the head" is. ["A pretty accurate one, in my opinion." -- Wing Chun] "I see your daughter is just as out of control as ever, Richard," Straub says. Because that's the kind of thing anyone is allowed to say to a parent. ["A parent of a thirty-two-year-old, no less." -- Wing Chun] Christopher asks that Straub keep it "civil." Straub asks what Lorelai's been doing with her life, besides "hating successful businessmen." Emily asks that they move into the dining room. Lorelai says she runs an inn. "Nice to see you found your calling," Straub snaps. ["Maybe it was just me, but did anyone else read that as Straub calling Lorelai a whore? You know, whore, inn, 'calling'..." -- Wing Chun] Emily says that dinner is ready. Francine tells Christopher to fix his tie. Straub asks if Lorelai's life is everything she hoped it would be. "Yes, it is," Lorelai says. Straub: "Because it seems to me you might not want to take quite such a haughty tone when you announce to the world that you work in a hotel." Christopher puts his drink down as Lorelai says there's nothing wrong with where she works. Francine says, "Straub, please. I'm getting a headache." Emily asks Richard to lead them into the dining room. Straub's not done yet. "If you'd attended a university, as your parents had planned, and as we had planned in vain for Christopher, you might have aspired to something more than a blue-collar position." Lorelai sits with her arms crossed, nodding and smiling as Christopher warns, "Don't do this." More Straub: "And I wouldn't give a damn about you derailing your own life if you hadn't swept my son along with you." Lorelai pats Rory on the arm and asks her to go into the room.
As Rory leaves, Richard says he's going to "echo Christopher's call for civility." He says that a "mutual mistake" was made many years ago by Lorelai and Christopher, but that they've come "a long way since." Straub says this entire evening is a mistake: "We're supposed to sit here like one big happy family, and pretend that the damage that was done is over? Gone? I don't care about how good a student you say that girl is." "Hey!" Lorelai warns, but Straub keeps talking. "Our son was bound for Princeton. Every Hayden male attended Princeton, including myself. But it all stopped with Christopher. It's a humiliation we've had to live with every day." Francine acts like the humiliation has really been just too much for her. Why isn't Christopher shutting him up? ["Because Christopher's a coward?" -- Wing Chun] "All because you seduced him into ruining his life. She had that baby, and she ended his future." Richard jumps up and grabs Straub's hand, ordering him to take that back. Grampa, watch the angina, buddy. "You're spilling my drink!" Straub shouts as he stands. Richard is pissed: "You owe my daughter an apology." Straub scoffs at the idea. Richard has Straub by the lapels; he's shaking him and shouting in his face, "How dare you? How dare you come into my house and insult my daughter?" Emily shouts at Richard. Christopher finally jumps up and separates the two men. "Shame on you, Straub!" Richard shouts. "Shame on you for coming in here and opening all of this up again!" Lorelai is speechless, having never seen her father act this way. Straub tells Francine to get her coat. Richard follows Straub and says that Lorelai is very successful at what she does. Straub says that they're leaving. "You're not leaving. I'm kicking you out!" Francine hands her martini to Emily and walks out. Emily runs after them, leaving Lorelai and Christopher alone in the room. Christopher: "And you brought up Bush because...?" Lorelai: "Seemed like a good idea at the time?" Lorelai says she feels "sixteen." Fade to black.
Lorelai finds Richard working in his office. She asks whether he wants something to eat. He snaps that he's not hungry. She stammers a thank you. She says she's touched and grateful for him defending her like that, and that she knows it was hard to do. He asks why she thinks he did it. She says she assumes he did it out of protectiveness. He says that she doesn't need protecting, and that she's made it clear that she never wants any help from anyone. "A member of my family was being attacked," he says simply, adding that he won't stand for that under any circumstances. Lorelai sighs and says it doesn't matter why he did it. Richard slams his book on the table, stands up, and shouts that it matters greatly why he did it. He asks if she's going to think that, because of the scene with Christopher's parents, everything that happened in the past is suddenly fine. He says that he and Emily have been through hell over the past sixteen years, and that's not washed away. Lorelai says that they've all been through hell. Richard says he had to tell his friends and colleagues that his intelligent daughter was pregnant and had to leave school. Lorelai empathizes that it must have been difficult. Richard says that Lorelai then ran away, and ignored them. They were distraught. Devastated. Emily didn't leave her bed for a month. Lorelai says she didn't know that. Richard says, "We did nothing to deserve that. Nothing to earn that." Fun was the one thing that money can't buy. Lorelai says that she gets it, and that she's a horrible person, and that Richard and Emily should disown her and adopt Christopher, since they like him so much more. "Don't be a martyr, Lorelai," Richard says. "Don't be naïve. You think I love the boy that got my daughter pregnant? I wanted to kill him. I would have, too, with my bare hands." He says that there was a proper procedure to handle this situation. "Marriage," Lorelai says. Richard says that Christopher was willing to follow the plan they had made, but she wouldn't. Lorelai asks if what she wanted mattered at all. Richard says that sometimes one has to sacrifice oneself to do the right thing. Lorelai says that she feels "indescribably sad" for him right now. Richard tells her to save her emotions, since he's had his fill of them tonight. Lorelai asks if they're just ending things here with nothing resolved. Richard says he's tired. Lorelai says, "Okay," and leaves.
Emily finds Rory in the kitchen and says she was wondering where she went. Rory apologizes, but Emily says there's nothing to apologize for. She asks whether she can get Rory something. Rory holds up her drink and says that she's fine. Emily says that her drink hardly counts as dinner, and goes over to the refrigerator. Emily says that there was quite a bit of excitement in the house tonight. "Not the good kind," she sing-songs. Rory agrees. Emily opens up two Tupperware containers and grabs a plate. She tells Rory that Straub is actually a very good man. Very smart. She goes on about Straub's business successes as she puts a pile of cold asparagus and some unidentifiable piece of food on the plate. ["I thought they were baby potatoes cut into quarters." -- Wing Chun] Emily looks at Rory, slams the plate down, and says, "Oh, let's face it. He's a big ass." Rory laughs. Emily sits down and says that she knows Rory heard a lot of talk tonight about mistakes, and that she's heard lots of talk about it in the past, but she wants Rory to know that she was never considered for one second a mistake. She asks if Rory understands her. Rory pouts that she does. She hands Rory the plate and a fork and tells her to eat. ["To eat...the cold food. Yum." -- Wing Chun]
Christopher walks by a window in some other part of this house. ["It's Lorelai's old bedroom." -- Wing Chun] He sees Lorelai sitting on the edge of a balcony. He opens the window, walks out, and says that it was a memorable evening. They joke about how to handle the time they're all going to get together, until Lorelai starts crying. Christopher says that the balcony is beautiful. She says she likes it because of its privacy. He says it's away from everything and everyone. They reminisce about all of the times they used to come out there as kids, sneaking Richard's telescope out to look for alien life. Then when they got older, they'd search the neighbors' houses for naked people. Christopher pulls out a bottle of liquor and they both start drinking. Christopher reminds Lorelai that this is also the spot where they conceived Rory. "Here's to Rory," Lorelai says as she takes a drink. "The bright spot in all the darkness," Christopher agrees, adding that even if she hadn't gotten pregnant, he still wouldn't have made it through Princeton. Lorelai says she doesn't believe that. Christopher laughs and says that's why he's him and she's not. Christopher is suddenly really pale and looks like Giovanni Ribisi right before he dies in Saving Private Ryan.
Back at Luke's Diner, Luke is getting stood up. We pan across all of the cans of paint, and the tarps over the furniture. Luke stands outside looking around one last time, and then gives up. He goes inside and slams the door.
Pan up to Lorelai's balcony, where she and Christopher are making out. They start taking off each other's clothes until they sink to the ground. Fade to commercial.
Pan down to Lorelai's balcony, where she and Christopher are sitting on the ground, putting their clothes back on. Christopher pulls a leaf out of Lorelai's hair and asks if she's "wigged." She says she is. She says this was rather unexpected. He agrees that it was, but that it was also great. He apologizes, but she tells him not to, saying that it was both of their doing. As they go back inside the house, Lorelai says, "My parents have got to seal these windows up, I swear to God."
"So, where were you guys?" Christopher is driving the 2001 Awkward, as Lorelai looks to him before answering Rory's question: "Nowhere." Rory: "Where's nowhere?" Christopher: "Where we were." Rory says, "Ah," and looks at both of them quietly.
Inside the house, Christopher says goodnight to Rory and kisses her cheek. He says good night to Lorelai and she stammers around and eventually pushes him while wishing him a goodnight. Christopher goes into the living room, and Rory starts rubbing some dirt off Lorelai's neck. Lorelai pulls Rory into the kitchen to talk. She asks Rory whether she's okay. Rory says she is. Lorelai says that all of those horrible things that were said were directed at herself, and not at Rory. Rory says that they were directed at Lorelai, for having her. Lorelai says that they were directed at herself for ruining their "big Citizen Kane plans." Rory pouts and asks, "They don't even want to know me, do they?" Lorelai says that's not true -- that they're too proud and angry to see how much they want to know Rory. She tells Rory that it's their loss. Rory excuses herself to bed. Lorelai tells her that there are no regrets for either her or Christopher. She mentions a misspelled tattoo that Christopher might wish were gone, but he doesn't regret Rory. Rory asks where that tattoo might be. Lorelai says that's a story for another night -- the night that Rory decides to go to Mazatlan. Rory kisses Lorelai good night, and goes to bed. Lorelai looks at herself in the mirror, disgusted.
The morning, Lorelai is awake in bed and suddenly remembers she was supposed to be at Luke's. She runs out the door in her pajamas.
Luke walks over to the diner and finds Lorelai sitting in her coat and pajamas on the front steps. She starts apologizing profusely and he says it's fine. She says they had a date and that she's a rat for not being there. He says it wasn't a date, it was just painting. She asks to reschedule. She says she can do it tonight or now. He asks if it was an emergency. She says it was, and starts lying, but then she says it wasn't an emergency, and that she's just a rat. "Something came up," Luke starts. He follows it with "someone." Lorelai quietly admits that it was because of someone else. She asks if he's okay. He says he is and then excuses himself into the store.
Christopher is making a pot of coffee when Lorelai walks in the house. He asks if she wants some coffee. She says she doesn't. He says he knows something is wrong, and brings up the night before. Lorelai says it was a huge night, and that she's never seen her father almost punch someone before. She continues recapping until she gets to the two of them having sex, which she calls stupid. She says she ended up standing up a friend and it hurt her to hurt him and she continues babbling until she says the words "flaming baton," and that's where I don't recap her entire monologue, because anything ending with "flaming baton," isn't worth my fingers flying. Christopher stops the babble by saying that he wants to marry Lorelai. Lorelai's answer: "And the hits just keep on coming." Christopher tells her just to think about it. Lorelai says about seven different ways that Christopher has lost his mind. Christopher says he wants them to be a family. Lorelai continues walking backwards, saying that he doesn't even know what a family is. She says it's a big commitment, responsibility, and requires coming home at the same time every day. Christopher says he can be a family man and that he's responsible now. Lorelai says he can't even buy a book without having his credit card declined. Christopher, now defeated, said he told Rory not to tell her. Lorelai says that Rory didn't tell her -- that the rest of the town did, and that Rory reluctantly confirmed that it was true when she asked. Lorelai chastises Christopher for telling Rory to lie to her. Christopher says she's his daughter too. "More like your playmate," Lorelai says. Christopher says he's just as mature as she is, kicking off my favorite line of the episode. Lorelai: "What? The Offspring is your favorite band." Christopher counters that Lorelai is into Metallica. Lorelai says that Metallica is "way more substantial" than The Offspring. Christopher: "Here we go. It's the same Black Sabbath riff all over again." Lorelai: "The Offspring have like, one chord progression. They used it over and over. They just pop on new words and call it a single." Lorelai says she doesn't want to talk about this anymore. Christopher reminds her that he was the one that wanted to get married when she was pregnant. Lorelai says that they were too young and wouldn't have made it. Christopher says they're not too young now. Lorelai says that she needs some coffee now.
Christopher follows Lorelai to the counter and asks what last night's sex meant to her. Lorelai says that it meant that Jose Cuervo still has amazing magical powers. I guess so, after just one shot. Lorelai turns and smiles. She says they can't get married, and that they don't even know each other as adults. Christopher says they can get married and then learn. "Well, that's very Fiddler on the Roof of you," Lorelai says. Christopher says that he'll tell her anything she wants to know. She asks how his business is really doing. Christopher smiles and exhales. Lorelai smiles back. He says he was going to tell her if it went worse. Lorelai reminds him that he just sat there last night while their fathers went on and on about how wonderful he is. Christopher says that he didn't want to upset anybody, and calls himself a loser. Lorelai says that he's a liar, not a loser. Christopher says that they're already arguing like an old married couple. Lorelai shakes her head and swears to God. Christopher says she's always been The One for him, and that Rory might be his only child. Lorelai reminds Christopher of the power of Tony Randall's loins, and tells him he has decades left to make babies. Christopher says that it's easier to stay away. Lorelai asks him not to stay away. "Rory needs her dad," she says.
Outside, Christopher is loading up his bike. Rory asks that he call when he gets home. He says he will. She asks him to call more often. He says he will. They hug. He whispers in Rory's ear. She walks over to Lorelai and says, "Dad wants to know if you'll reconsider." Lorelai whispers in Rory's ear. Rory walks back over to Christopher and says, "She says, 'Nope. Offspring sucks and Metallica rules.'" Oh, that's not awkward for Rory. ["Yeah, I didn't buy that either." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai and Christopher embrace and say goodbye. Christopher rides off on his bike. "He wanted you to marry him, didn't he?" Rory asks. Lorelai calls Rory a spy. Rory says that crazier things have happened. "You mean crazier than having your mom and dad married?" Rory: "Yes." Lorelai: "I don't think they have." Rory asks why it's so crazy. Lorelai says that Christopher wants things he's not ready for. Rory says that he might be able to change, and that he came to Stars Hollow when he never had before. Lorelai asks Rory to stop so that she doesn't get worked up over this. Rory says Christopher loves Lorelai, and asks whether Lorelai loves him. Lorelai says that she'll always love him, but that he's not ready for her and Rory. She says that it wasn't right, and asks Rory to trust her. They start walking back to the house. Rory says she thinks there was something different. Lorelai says that Rory might be right, and tells her not to put all of the blankets away just yet.
Luke walks into his diner and finds Lorelai standing there, covered in paint. The place is already painted. He asks how she got in there. She says that the bread guy let her in. He looks around the place as Lorelai bounces and smiles. He says it looks pretty good. He thanks her. She says it's fun. They start setting up the diner as Luke asks where "the guy" is. Lorelai says he's gone. Luke: "Oh. Too bad." Lorelai: "We'll be fine." Lorelai asks whether Luke could put up curtains. Luke says no. They fight over the curtains as we pan back out the diner to end the episode.
week, wackiness ensues as Lorelai tries to sneak out of the house after Emily and Richard set her up on a blind date. Ooh, and more CuteDean!