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Previously on Gilmore Girls: Lorelai talked Luke into painting his diner. Lorelai lost Rory's chick in the house and called Luke to help her out. Sookie told Lorelai that she obviously likes Luke. So did Emily. Christopher rolled in on his motorcycle, completely throwing off Lorelai. Rory asked Christopher to stay with them for a few days.
Here's another thing that I like about this show. The episode begins with Rory preparing the couch for Christopher, and both she and Lorelai are still wearing the same clothes from the end of the last episode. The costume continuity: good. The timeline continuity: eh. ["Yeah, but that doesn't bother me so much. It's not like it's Ed, where entire court cases get started, go to trial, and get to a verdict within the span of, like, two days." -- Wing Chun] Rory asks Lorelai whether she thinks Christopher looks good. Lorelai agrees that he does. Rory hopes that she can get Christopher to stay for a couple of weeks. Lorelai says that Rory's on the right track, weighing him down with tons of blankets to keep him there. Rory insists that she just wants Christopher to be comfortable. Lorelai says that Christopher is going to come and go as he pleases, "and no amount of bedding is going to change that." Rory notes that Christopher hasn't ever come to Stars Hollow before, so something must be different. Lorelai sighs and tells Rory just to enjoy the time she has. Rory agrees, but insists that something must be different.
Christopher comes down the stairs, complaining about the water pressure in the shower and pledging to fix it the day. Lorelai asks him to not play with her pipes. Rory says that food is on the way, and Lorelai hands Christopher a cup of coffee. Rory asks how "Diane" is doing. Christopher says that Diane is "ancient history." Rory squints and reminds him that when she met Diane at Easter, Christopher had said she could be The One. "The One to be gone by Memorial Day," Christopher jokes as he sits beside Lorelai. Rory says he's worse than Lorelai. "Low blow!" Lorelai shouts. Christopher: "Can't keep a feller happy?" Lorelai: "Oh, I keep 'em happy. I keep 'em very happy." Rory: "Okay, Mom. Don't get gross." Rory says she's going to go study until the food arrives. Christopher is shocked and says that tomorrow is Saturday. Man, I don't understand these weeks. Monday, Friday, Tuesday, Friday, Friday, Friday, Saturday. At the end of the last episode (which is supposed to be today), Luke and Lorelai made plans for Friday night. They didn't say "tonight," but "Friday night." And, it was just Friday night because Lorelai and Rory were at Emily's. Now it's Friday again. Rory tells Christopher that she likes to get all of her weekend studying out of the way early so she can do extra-credit stuff on Sunday.
“ Kirk sees that Luke's walking over for a beatdown, and Kirk excuses himself by saying he's 'getting a page' and then runs away. Kirk has the Wuss Run down perfectly. It's hard to describe, but a good Wuss Run will make me laugh anytime. ”
Rory leaves, and Christopher tells Lorelai that Rory is a great kid. He says he wishes he saw more of himself in her than their similar left earlobes. The dialogue gets faster, here. Lorelai: "Why the hell are you here?" Christopher: "Behold the queen of the subtle transition." Lorelai: "Why are you here?" Christopher: "You're gonna force me to lawyer up, Officer." Lorelai: "Christopher?" Christopher says he's been making some changes in his life and he thinks he's gotten himself together business-wise, and he's been tying up loose ends. Lorelai keeps interrupting him to make jokes until Christopher says she's always done that to him and that it's annoying. Yes, it is. Christopher says that he doesn't know how much Grampa has told her, but for the first time in his life, his business is really starting to come together. He has employees and money. Lorelai says she'd love to believe it's true. Christopher sighs and asks why Grampa has more faith in him than she does. Lorelai says that Grampa hit his head a few years ago and now his judgment's a little off. Lorelai says she knows Christopher, and she knows he's the boy who crashed his new Porsche two hours after his parents gave it to him. He reminds her that she was the girl in the passenger seat to him having the time of her life. Lorelai says she's glad his life is back in order, and that she appreciates his coming all the way to Stars Hollow just to tell her that. Christopher says that's not the only reason he came out there. Christopher kind of looks like Joey Lawrence. He adds that there are some things he needs to take care of. They make it look like he's just about to ask to borrow money, but instead he says that he hasn't been enough a part of Rory's life. He wants to be around more, to "be a pal" for Rory. He says he's not trying to intrude on Rory's life as it already exists, but just to be there for her. He asks for a chance. Lorelai says that Christopher has always had "the door to Rory" open for him, and that he's hardly ever used it. "Well, I'm gonna use it now," he says. He asks if that's okay, and Lorelai defensively tells him that it is. Rory walks back into the room and asks if Christopher wants to go to a softball game with her the morning. He asks whether she plays softball. Lorelai and Rory laugh until Rory says no. He asks whose game it is. Rory says, "My friend Dean." "Dean?" Christopher asks. "Yeah, Dean," Rory says with the Love Voice. Christopher says he'll go. Rory walks away and Christopher turns to Lorelai to ask, "She has a Dean?" "She has a Dean," Lorelai answers. Christopher says he needs a beer. As Christopher is walking away, Lorelai stops him to say there's more than just an earlobe resemblance there. Christopher says that's good, and thanks her again "for the door thing." Lorelai sits and thinks quietly until the opening credits take over.
Luke is pitching to CuteDean. The way the softball field is set up, though, it looks like only Luke and CuteDean are playing. Christopher asks Rory which one is CuteDean. She points him out. Then she points out Luke. Christopher and Rory sit in the bleachers in front of Resident Townie Kirk. Luke and CuteDean smack-talk each other for a bit, until Kirk interrupts to shout that Luke can't pitch and CuteDean can't hit. The little blonde girl sitting to Kirk is cracking me up. She's like, "That man is funny, but I'm not supposed to think so." Luke shouts that he'd think Kirk would have something better to do with his Saturdays. Kirk: "What can I say? I'm addicted to comedy." CuteDean spots Rory in the bleachers and gives her a CuteWave. Kirk keeps on heckling, and now it's not even funny anymore (the little blonde girl seems to be agreeing with me). Christopher asks how long the games last. Rory says they usually last until the players get tired, and then they just say the first team to get a run wins. Kirk says it's very professional. Then he shouts, "Hey! Luke! Does your husband play softball, too?" ["Okay, I thought that was funny." -- Wing Chun] Luke takes off his glove and says, "All right, that's it." Kirk sees that Luke's walking over for a beatdown, and Kirk excuses himself by saying he's "getting a page" and then runs away. Kirk has the Wuss Run down perfectly. The legs go sort of out to the side and the arms are stiff with the fingers stretched out. Aw, man. It's hard to describe, but a good Wuss Run will make me laugh anytime.
Christopher Returns
CuteDean walks over to Rory. She introduces him to Christopher. CuteDean asks, "So. Do you live in the area?" which seems a strange question. Hasn't he ever asked Rory where her dad lives before? Christopher tells CuteDean that he had "some time," so he rode his bike from Berkeley. Ow. That's a long motorcycle ride. CuteDean asks what he rides. Rory tells him. CuteDean says he has an '86 Suzuki. Christopher is impressed. CuteDean goes back to his game. I love that in episode one Lorelai totally called that CuteDean would eventually have a motorcycle. Rory and Christopher look at each other and sit back on the bleachers. After a moment of silence, Christopher says, "So, that was a Dean." "That was a Dean," Rory repeats.
CuteDean runs up to Luke and asks if run can win. Luke agrees.
Lorelai walks into the Independence Inn kitchen to find Sookie and Michel huddled together in hysterical fits of laughter. Lorelai is shocked and pleased. She says she's never seen them share a "pleasant moment together." "Oh, come on!" Sookie says. Michel stops laughing to say, "You have seen us share a pleasant moment." Lorelai says she's pretty sure she hasn't. "Oh, you are being absurd," Michel Frenches. Sookie laughs and says, "You have to admit, they are pretty few and far between." Michel stops laughing and says, "Through no fault of mine." Lorelai says she finds it refreshing. Sookie isn't done yet and says that he's the one that's "so...I don't know." All laughing is over now. Michel: "Oh, I think you do know, otherwise you wouldn't have started saying it." Sookie: "Just yourself. Caustic." Michel: "You mean obnoxious?" Sookie: "Your words, not mine." Michel stands up and says, "Go to hell." He walks off as Lorelai moans that she ruined this pleasant moment. Sookie tells Lorelai to tell her about what's going on at home. Lorelai talks about her broken toaster until Sookie says she wants to know what it's like to have Christopher in the house. Lorelai says it's a little weird, and that she and Rory have fewer clean towels than they usually do. Lorelai says she's been trying to figure out how she feels about all of this since he asked her to take her shirt off the other day. Sookie asks how he did that. Lorelai dismisses it and says he was really just saying hello, sorta. Sookie admires how smooth Christopher is. Lorelai says she hasn't seen him since last Christmas (she must mean two Christmases ago), and that they only hear from him maybe once a week (which seems like much more contact that previously hinted), and now suddenly he's here and Rory's excited and he's on the couch and she wonders if she should be mad and send him to a hotel, but then he smiles, and it's "Christopher." Sookie hands Lorelai a biscotti. Lorelai says that no matter what he does or how many years go by, he's still "Christopher." She asks what to do with the biscotti, and Sookie tells her to dunk it in the coffee. I'm not buying at all that Lorelai has no idea what to do with biscotti. Lorelai says that Christopher knows all of her secrets and that all of her "bad girl moments" happened with him. Sookie asks if Lorelai thinks the two of them will get together. Lorelai says a weak "no." She says that Christopher wants to be more involved with Rory. Sookie says it's about time. Lorelai agrees that it's good, and that she hopes it's true. "And if it's not?" Sookie asks. Lorelai dumps the biscotti into the coffee and says, "Then...it's...'Christopher.'"
Christopher Returns
Richard hugs Rory, gives a "Lorelai" to Lorelai, and then shakes Christopher's hand. They make small talk. Richard distributes martinis and asks Christopher about his business. I realize I'm not calling him Grampa anymore, but when he's not just hanging out with Rory, he seems much more like a Richard. Christopher says that business is going great, and that he's afraid to jinx it by talking about how well it's going. Richard says he always knew Christopher had it in him, and that he's got a "splash of greatness." Lorelai gets up to grab another martini. Man, she drank that one quickly. Emily says that Rory is the spitting image of Christopher. Rory smiles demurely as Richard hopes that Rory inherited some of Christopher's business sense. ["Rather a burn on Lorelai, who's sitting right there, runs a business, and is taking university-level Business courses." -- Wing Chun] Emily says that Rory inherited Christopher's musical talent. Lorelai sits back down and says that neither Rory nor Christopher has any musical talent. Christopher and Lorelai banter that Christopher has now learned the opening lick to "Jumping Jack Flash." Richard kicks back and declares himself a "Chuck Berry man," which sends Lorelai into a spit take. She says she never would have guessed that sentence would ever come out of Richard's mouth. Emily reminisces about a time when Christopher and Lorelai were ten and they put on a show for them. Lorelai doesn't remember, so Christopher reminds her that he was Schroeder and she was Lucy and he pretended to play the piano on the table. Lorelai asks why that was worth remembering. Emily beams and says it was a "wonderful production." Lorelai says it wasn't a production, but just one song. "Suppertime!" Christopher smiles. "Did you write that?" Richard asks with shock. He compliments Christopher on a wonderful song. Lorelai says it's from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. Richard says he thought Christopher might have written it, because he's a very talented man. Christopher beams at Lorelai, and she goes back to her drink.
The doorbell rings. Emily goes to greet Straub and Francine as Richard tells Christopher that he hasn't seen them in years. He says there was a time when they were "quite inseparable." Lorelai, Rory, and Christopher are alone on the couch. Rory says that this is weird: "These are my other grandparents. I don't even know them." She says she doesn't know what to call them. Christopher says to call them what he calls them. "Ass--" Lorelai interrupts to say Rory should call them Straub and Francine. Or Mr. and Mrs. Hayden. "Sir and Ma'am?" she offers. Lorelai decides it would be best for Rory not to call them anything.
Richard walks back into the room, announcing the arrival of Straub and Francine. Straub shakes Christopher's hand as Francine goes to straighten his tie. Francine says, "Lorelai...you look well." Lorelai says she is well, and introduces Rory. Francine says the last time she saw Rory she was just starting to speak in complete sentences. "So, not for two years, then," Lorelai laughs. Quick shots of everyone else not laughing, and coughing uncomfortably. Lorelai then explains that she was making a joke, and what the joke was about. Straub: "I see you haven't changed, Lorelai." Lorelai: "No. Not at all." Rory says hi. She waits for an uncomfortable second and then bobs into a quick curtsey. Lorelai then stage whispers, "Did you just curtsey?" Rory tells her to shut up. "Sorry, M'lady," Lorelai giggles.
“ 'So, where were you guys?' Christopher is driving the 2001 Awkward, as Lorelai looks to him before answering Rory's question: 'Nowhere.' Rory: 'Where's nowhere?' Christopher: 'Where we were.' Rory says, 'Ah.' ”
"So, where were you guys?" Christopher is driving the 2001 Awkward, as Lorelai looks to him before answering Rory's question: "Nowhere." Rory: "Where's nowhere?" Christopher: "Where we were." Rory says, "Ah," and looks at both of them quietly.
Inside the house, Christopher says goodnight to Rory and kisses her cheek. He says good night to Lorelai and she stammers around and eventually pushes him while wishing him a goodnight. Christopher goes into the living room, and Rory starts rubbing some dirt off Lorelai's neck. Lorelai pulls Rory into the kitchen to talk. She asks Rory whether she's okay. Rory says she is. Lorelai says that all of those horrible things that were said were directed at herself, and not at Rory. Rory says that they were directed at Lorelai, for having her. Lorelai says that they were directed at herself for ruining their "big Citizen Kane plans." Rory pouts and asks, "They don't even want to know me, do they?" Lorelai says that's not true -- that they're too proud and angry to see how much they want to know Rory. She tells Rory that it's their loss. Rory excuses herself to bed. Lorelai tells her that there are no regrets for either her or Christopher. She mentions a misspelled tattoo that Christopher might wish were gone, but he doesn't regret Rory. Rory asks where that tattoo might be. Lorelai says that's a story for another night -- the night that Rory decides to go to Mazatlan. Rory kisses Lorelai good night, and goes to bed. Lorelai looks at herself in the mirror, disgusted.
The morning, Lorelai is awake in bed and suddenly remembers she was supposed to be at Luke's. She runs out the door in her pajamas.
Luke walks over to the diner and finds Lorelai sitting in her coat and pajamas on the front steps. She starts apologizing profusely and he says it's fine. She says they had a date and that she's a rat for not being there. He says it wasn't a date, it was just painting. She asks to reschedule. She says she can do it tonight or now. He asks if it was an emergency. She says it was, and starts lying, but then she says it wasn't an emergency, and that she's just a rat. "Something came up," Luke starts. He follows it with "someone." Lorelai quietly admits that it was because of someone else. She asks if he's okay. He says he is and then excuses himself into the store.
Christopher is making a pot of coffee when Lorelai walks in the house. He asks if she wants some coffee. She says she doesn't. He says he knows something is wrong, and brings up the night before. Lorelai says it was a huge night, and that she's never seen her father almost punch someone before. She continues recapping until she gets to the two of them having sex, which she calls stupid. She says she ended up standing up a friend and it hurt her to hurt him and she continues babbling until she says the words "flaming baton," and that's where I don't recap her entire monologue, because anything ending with "flaming baton," isn't worth my fingers flying. Christopher stops the babble by saying that he wants to marry Lorelai. Lorelai's answer: "And the hits just keep on coming." Christopher tells her just to think about it. Lorelai says about seven different ways that Christopher has lost his mind. Christopher says he wants them to be a family. Lorelai continues walking backwards, saying that he doesn't even know what a family is. She says it's a big commitment, responsibility, and requires coming home at the same time every day. Christopher says he can be a family man and that he's responsible now. Lorelai says he can't even buy a book without having his credit card declined. Christopher, now defeated, said he told Rory not to tell her. Lorelai says that Rory didn't tell her -- that the rest of the town did, and that Rory reluctantly confirmed that it was true when she asked. Lorelai chastises Christopher for telling Rory to lie to her. Christopher says she's his daughter too. "More like your playmate," Lorelai says. Christopher says he's just as mature as she is, kicking off my favorite line of the episode. Lorelai: "What? The Offspring is your favorite band." Christopher counters that Lorelai is into Metallica. Lorelai says that Metallica is "way more substantial" than The Offspring. Christopher: "Here we go. It's the same Black Sabbath riff all over again." Lorelai: "The Offspring have like, one chord progression. They used it over and over. They just pop on new words and call it a single." Lorelai says she doesn't want to talk about this anymore. Christopher reminds her that he was the one that wanted to get married when she was pregnant. Lorelai says that they were too young and wouldn't have made it. Christopher says they're not too young now. Lorelai says that she needs some coffee now.