Ben is seeing a Steve Buscemi look-alike in his office, conducting a patient history interview. Buscemi skips ahead and answers all the questions he thinks Ben is going to ask. Ben asks if he's unhappy with the pace of the interview. Buscemi replies that he's seen a lot of doctors, and they always want to know the same things, so he thought he would save them the trouble. Ben explains that he wants to take the history fresh, in order to give a decent second opinion. We learn that Buscemi's former doctor is named Califano. Ben expositions that Buscemi is severely anemic, with low red-blood-cell count, and also has problems with his bone marrow being depleted and scarred. I don't like to talk about bone marrow. It's inside your bones. Inside your bones! Isn't that creepy?
Anyway, Buscemi reports that Califano thinks he has one of two diseases, but doesn't know which. Ben says that Califano want to do a bone marrow transplant, even though they don't have a matching donor, and wonders if Buscemi knows the risks. Buscemi does know the risks, and he knows he only has six months to live, but he wishes Califano would tell him exactly what's wrong with him. Ben can't believe Califano told Buscemi he only has three months to live, and when Buscemi looks up with hope in his face and asks if Ben disagrees, Ben says, "I would be reluctant to be so precise." Buscemi makes to leave, saying that this was all a mistake, and Ben can't figure out why Buscemi suddenly wants to leave. Buscemi starts recounting how he was tired all the time, and then he fainted, and then he was told that half his blood cells are gone, and that he has six months to live. Meanwhile, all the doctors are telling him "maybe, probably, could be, I would be reluctant to be so precise." Buscemi says that he just wants some facts, and then stumbles a bit, and Ben catches him and sits him down. Buscemi calms down and repeats that he only has six months to live. Is every episode of this show going to be about a terminal patient who gets cured by some miracle? Because that could get really old, really fast.
Ben makes cute with his kids, who are asking about Christmas. Turns out his oldest kid, Christian, isn't "doing the Christmas thing this year." The housekeeper shows up and shuttles the kids off somewhere.
Preacher (we saw him in the last episode) is telling Stiles that, normally, the hospital holiday show is normally lame, and this year he wants it to be an extravaganza. Stiles volunteers to ferret out talent on the staff. Good luck with that. Preacher reminds her to touch on all the cultural aspects -- Hanukkah, Kwanzaa. Stiles fills in, "The Christmas story." Like with Ralphie and the Red Ryder BB Gun? ["'You'll put your eye out!' Sorry, could resist." -- Sars] Oh, she means Jesus and that. Preacher doesn't really get what she means, so she explains. Stiles is surprised, being a man of the cloth, that Preacher isn't into it, but he says he's more into the nature thing, like solstice. He leaves, telling Stiles to "find [him] greatness." Max calls out to Stiles and offers his help with whatever she needs. He lingers way too long, and then walks away. Stiles asks Boies what that was all about, and Boies says that Max obviously wants to sing. I don't know why Max can't just volunteer. Stiles wonders if Max is a good singer, and Boies says, "What do you sound like when the headphones come off?" Max walks back and says, "Dr. Stiles? Anything at all."
Ben is down in the lab with Lab Guy. They discuss astronomy. Lab Guy knows way too much about it, and Ben says, "You'll never marry." Lab Guy responds, "I've made my peace with it." Ben asks about Lab Guy's Christmas plans. Lab Guy says, "The usual. Pick up a hooker, have her lip-sync the Kathie Lee Gifford Christmas album for me." Hee! Lab Guy is funny. Ben giggles. Lab Guy isn't joking. Ben asks Lab Guy to look at a slide in the microscope, asking for a diagnosis. Lab Guy doesn't choose either of the disease options Ben presents (which are the two that Califano made on Buscemi).
Stiles is trying to get Ollie to participate in the holiday show. Stiles wants Ollie to play a virgin. Ollie refuses. Stiles says that Sid is doing it, and Sid sounds surprised to hear this. Stiles offers to cover his three nights on call. Sid agrees. Stiles asks him to get Ollie involved. Sid doesn't think it's likely.
Wyatt's car won't start. Child Bride gripes that it's not Christmas in this city, but it would be in Wyoming. Wyatt says they can't afford to go, and Child Bride says that her dad would buy them tickets. Child Bride brings up the whole "sit home alone all the time while her husband works" thing again. She comes up with a plan to make it work, given that he only has Christmas Day off, but Wyatt doesn't want to spend all his vacation time on a plane. While I appreciate the sentiment, he could make an effort to save his marriage. I'm just sayin'. ["Or Child Bride could get a job. Just throwing that out there." -- Sars] Child Bride says she's going regardless.
Ben sees Califano in the cafeteria, and sits with him. Ben tells him about Buscemi. Califano talks about the slides, but Ben expresses doubts and wonders if the transplant is necessary. Ben goes over all the risks. Califano runs the odds, which are basically none. Ben thinks they should wait. Califano says they're doing the marrow transplant. Uh-oh! Pissing match!
Stiles is after Cherry to be in the show. Cherry doesn't want "the Jew slot." Stiles asks if there's something he will do. Cherry says he'll do a magic act. Oh, I can't wait for this one. Stiles asks him to include the Hanukkah story in his act. Cherry will try to "work something into the patter."
Buscemi shows up as Ben is leaving for the day. They go back to Ben's office. Buscemi asks if Califano is wrong. Ben says they look at the data and see different things. Ben wants to wait and do more tests. Buscemi is sick of waiting, and sick of tests, because he doesn't have much time left. He wants to address this. Ben goes over the risks of a transplant again, emphasizing that it is "very, very tough," and while Buscemi might live, he might wish that he hadn't. Buscemi is discouraged. Ben asks how old the universe is. Buscemi says that there are differing theories, and you figure it out by doing experiments and testing hypotheses. Ben proposes they do that with Buscemi's disease, going to the chalkboard and making like John Madden.