This show makes the week go by very quickly. It feels like I'm always reviewing this show. Get ready for a Very Special Episode. I swear, this series has more "Life-Changing" episodes than ER. Previously on Get Real: Meghan loves her best friend's boyfriend. He loves her, too. Mary is pregnant. She cancelled out on MC Lyte (so we can see that scene where MC Lyte is all pissed off one more time).
We're starting this episode in media res so I can have even more things to complain about. We pan around Green Manor on the Mitch Cam. Mitch is looking for Kenny and cannot find him. We see all the rooms in the house, and Cameron walks into the World's Largest Kitchen and says he cannot find Kenny at the School Without Classes. Cameron is wearing a shirt that says, "Think." Okay, everyone have a good giggle, and then we'll move on. Mary is really worried and says that she'd never seen Kenny this upset before. Elizabeth walks in and says she called Victor (who? Oh, yeah) and he didn't know where Kenny was but that he was talking about going to visit Rebecca in San Francisco. "Apparently her family moved there." Yeah, "apparently." Elizabeth says this is all her fault. Mary wants to call the police. Mitch says that Kenny hasn't been missing long enough. He tells Cameron to search Kenny's room and see if he took anything that would be suitable for a long trip. Jeez, I hope he didn't just go to the store. Mitch says he's going to go drive around looking for him. Mary asks to come, but Mitch says that Mary needs to "take it easy." "Take it easy? How can I take it easy?" Mary's neck cords demand. "My son is missing." Mitch tells Mary to stay home and wait for him to call. Meghan is apparently out searching for other boyfriends to snatch. Mary exhales.
Fade to Kenny walking down a crowded street. Music continues to play in the background. Kenny walks up to a church and enters the building. He walks down the empty aisle to stare at the altar. It is covered with lit candles. The entire church is lit, but no one is around. Kenny enters a confessional and asks if anyone is there. A priest freaks me out by opening the curtain and announcing his presence. Kenny says he's not really sure how to do this. The priest asks Kenny if he's Catholic. Kenny attempts some sort of joke by saying that his mother is Catholic, his father is Jewish, and he's confused. He's a teepee, he's a wigwam. The priest asks Kenny what is troubling him. Kenny says he killed someone. The priest appears to reel back a bit as we fade to white and the opening credits.
For the first time ever the opening credits are followed by a series of commercials. I like this episode already.
I don't know about this Schick Diamond razor, but if you steal my Mach 3 blades, I'll hunt you down and kick your ass.
Cue the five-note Get Real jingle on Testosterone Guitar. The priest asks Kenny to clarify his statement. Kenny wusses out of talking to the priest and says he has to bail. The priest tries to get Kenny to stick around and talk to him, but Kenny runs away. Cue the five-note Get Real jingle on sensitive oboe. The priest looks dismayed in an extreme close-up. He gives a big exhale.
Fade to white and the title card: "Two Days Earlier." Kenny and Victor sit in the School Without Classes and figure out, on his map, how many fingers away Kenny is from Rebecca. He figures he'll be driving there soon, since he'll be getting his license and then making his "maiden voyage." Victor asks if that's some kind of euphemism. I can't tell exactly where they are in the School Without Classes, but it appears to be a staircase of some kind. Oh, it's the cafeteria. There goes Meghan with her tray. Her lunch consists of a plate of lettuce and an RC. Way to enforce the eating habits of teen girls. She, of course, bumps right into Clay, who is drinking from a Styrofoam cup. The pretty don't eat at lunch, you see. Clay says he was just headed towards Ferret. Meghan says that she was, too, but she doesn't have to and she'll just eat alone. Clay says that sooner or later they'll have to "co-exist." Meghan opts for "later." Ferret walks up and gives the two of them the stink-eye. It's because they both start that "I'm innocent" whistling thing that would make me kick them in the shins immediately. Ferret is an idiot. Ferret asks where they are "lunchin' today." Clay and Meghan exchange a look. Ferret gives them the "what?" stare. Ferret's plate is filled with turkey, fixings and gravy. This must be why she's the one getting double-dumped.
Cut to some redhead playing Truth or Dare with Slut Girl and Cameron. Who would have thought the two of them were friends? I wonder what happened to Tennisha. Slut Girl picks "Truth." Red Head asks what game show host Slut Girl would get naked with. Slut Girl says, "I don't know, the one with the tan and the big hair." "Chuck Woolery?" Red Head asks with amazement. Who else is Slut Girl gonna pick -- Reege? ["Not as long as Woolery's on FOX and Reege is on ABC, she isn't." -- Wing Chun] Cameron laughs at Slut Girl, so she asks him to pick Truth or Dare. Cam says he'd rather sit and mock than play. The School Without Classes must be really tiny if everyone has the same lunch. The other students are respectful of the Green family's presence, however, and do not talk. Cam picks Truth. Slut Girl asks, "Has anyone at Truman made you take matters into your own hands?" What a stupid question. She's asking a sixteen-year-old boy if he's ever masturbated over anyone? It's called "Truth or Dare," not "Ew or Duh." Cam changes his choice to "Dare," since I guess he figures no one would figure out that that he's going through puberty. Slut Girl says that he doesn't have that option. Cameron says he just has to get up and walk away, which he promptly does. Love Triangle walks over in his place and Slut Girl asks if they want to sit in and play Truth or Dare. Meghan and Clay give simultaneous assertive "No"s. Ferret gives them a questioning look as they both stammer out reasons why they have to take off. Meghan says something about some poetry sticking with her? I don't know. Ferret asks Clay what's with the two of them. Clay excuses himself. Ferret stares off with a look that says, "I wish my brain worked faster."
A girl leans down in the School Without Classes and asks if she can put Meghan and Ferret down for the car wash this weekend. Meghan gives her a "die bitch" glare. The clock over the girls says it's 9:15. That sure is an early lunch they've got. Meghan says she didn't realize that the car wash was so soon and the other girl says she's only been announcing it for, like, a week. "The new roads aren't going to buy themselves," she sasses. Meghan sneers that she just forgot. Ferret offers herself and Meghan to work a shift together. The girl walks off and twirls her cheerleader skirt. Meghan and Ferret are in a classroom, but the rest of the class (including the teacher) is completely silent as Meghan and Ferret have the following conversation at normal speaking volume. Ferret asks if Meghan and Clay are fighting. Meghan asks why they would be. Ferret says that when the two of them saw her they "totally stopped talking." Meghan opens her big, fat, lying head to say that the two of them probably ran out of things to talk about right then because she can't remember what they were talking about in the first place. She gives her paper a guilty stare. Subtle like a train wreck.
Slut Girl is checking on Cameron, who is making his mandatory locker check. By the way, every episode features a different locker. Cam's locker has not only changed in contents, but in location as well. On this side of the School Without Classes, people are just roaming the halls. Ever since that teacher got canned there has been a complete lack of control. Some kids sit in classrooms listening to every minute of Meghan's life, while others walk around listening to Cameron. Slut Girl says she's still waiting for Cameron's answer. "Who here at school awakens the giant within?" Cameron laughs. Honestly, who hounds some guy at school to ask him whom he masturbates to? He says he's "so taking it" to his grave. I guess there's only one person. All the other girls that Cam dated at the school didn't do anything for him. Even the ones with whom he was sleeping in his bed. Slut Girl says she told a story so he should too. Cam scoffs at the Chuck Woolery story. Slut Girl offers a "bonus." "Me. Camp. A much older counselor. A very experimental bunkmate. NC-17 version." Cameron says he's listening. "Uh-uh. I ain't giving it up twice for free." She learned that from Pretty Woman. Way to keep your reputation going, Slut Girl. Cam gives in and says, "When I was twelve years old I used to take the bus to school." This kicks off some wacky Walking on Sunshine-like drumbeat. We get "treated" to a flashback. "Every day I'd jump on the bus and grab the front seat, which is the seat directly across from the bus driver. I don't know, she just...she just did something for me." He goes on to say that he'd get really turned on watching her shift gears. The blonde woman in the driver's seat of the school bus in his flashback shifts a gear and shows off her naked, sweaty, toned thighs. Cam says he used to stare at her brown eyes. The driver is wearing sunglasses. He says that he'd sit there and watch her while the bus vibrated and that she just did something to him. He says that every day he'd have to leave the bus with something held in front of his crotch. My bus driver looked like Otto on The Simpsons and would play a game where he'd slam on the brakes so hard it would throw us towards the door at our bus stop. If he got you to fly all the way to the front of the bus at your own stop, he'd say he got it "right on." My other bus driver was missing most of her bottom teeth. Slut Girl says that Cameron's story is "disturbing." Cameron laughs and says that he was a "walking erection" at twelve. He then demands to hear Slut Girl's graphic NC-17 story, proving that he's now a leaning-against-a-locker erection. Slut Girl gives him the "Sucker!" and walks away so we can watch her butt leave. Cameron goes back to his locker and calls himself an idiot. Well, glad you finally got the memo, bud.
Ferret chirps to Clay that she was planning on studying with Meghan later. Clay says that he can't make it and that she should go without him. Ferret asks what's wrong with the two of them. Clay says everything's fine. Ferret pulls out the word "evasive" to show us that she's been working on her vocabulary. Clay says that nothing is wrong. Ferret narrows her eyes and slowly asks him if there's anything she should know about -- any reason for her to be worried. Clay snorts and says things are fine. He pecks her cheek and walks off. Ferret frowns again and begins going through Clay's open locker.
Elizabeth and Mary are debating over the color of the baby's room. I guess this place had so many rooms that they have a few extra with nothing in them. Elizabeth says that she cannot decide on a color since Mary won't find out the sex of the child. Mitch walks in to find out what all the happy commotion is about. I'm getting nauseous from the spinny-cam. Elizabeth decides on beige. Mitch and Mary spend a few cuddly moments together reminiscing about all three kids. Mitch brings up the point that the whole family will be there to help out with the new baby so they will get to have a bit of a social life this time. Mary says she'll believe it when it happens. Kissy-kissy. This is the first time they've been happy about the kid, so we know that fetus's time left is limited. Fade to white.
Back in the School Without Classes, Ferret asks Meghan if she can talk to her for a moment. Meghan acts like she always has time for her friends. Ferret says she has a note from Clay. Meghan makes a disappointed moan. Ferret begins to read while Meghan's face contorts in torture: "I used to be really cynical about romance. Like in a play like Romeo and Juliet where people give up their lives for love? But when I kissed you, I realized people like me laugh about love because it scares them. Because the truth is, it is worth fighting and dying for." Meghan says that it sounds like a love letter and that maybe Ferret shouldn't be sharing it with her. "Why not?" Ferret asks with a pout. "It's addressed to you." She balls up the note and throws it at Meghan. It travels about three inches before it falls to the ground. Meghan begins a string of "oh my God"s as she walks past the silent milling students to try and stop Ferret from walking off. Meghan begins talking so quickly that I cannot understand a word she's saying. I can make out "before I knew you were dating" and "Clay." Ferret whips around and demands to know if she kissed Clay. Meghan tries to stammer something about the "Rave" and the "big guy" who tried to rape her for about six seconds, but Ferret keeps asking if Meghan kissed Clay. Meghan finally admits to having done the deed. "Ask her how many times!" I shout, but Ferret doesn't hear me. She takes off Clay's letter jacket and hands it to Meghan. She says that Clay would want her to have it. I was hoping that Ferret was taking off the jacket to put the smack down on Bratty-Bratty-Sis-Boom-Bah, but she doesn't. She just leaves while Meghan is in tears.
Mitch and Mary show up right as the School Without Classes is getting out of non-classes and pick up Kenny and Cameron. They offer to let Kenny drive. He's stoked. They drive down some California road. Mary watches a wedding on the side of the road. She makes a comment about how nice church weddings are, as if you never see them anymore. Plus, what's this wedding doing in the middle of the day on a Wednesday? The photographer is taking pictures of the bridal party. Mitch tells Kenny to pass someone else on the road. Kenny says he's just going to check his blind spot first. As he turns around to look behind him, a gust of wind picks up the bride's veil and sends it onto the windshield of the guy driving in front of Kenny. Mary yells for Kenny to look out, but it's too late. Kenny rear-ends the other car. No air-bags go off. The bridal party looks guilty. Close-up of the car damage. Close-up on Kenny looking upset. Fade to white.
Everyone is okay after the accident. Cameron begins ragging on Kenny immediately. Kenny is apologizing profusely but Mary tells him "it's just a car." Apparently getting into an auto accident sends you back to the School Without Classes as punishment, because in the scene Kenny and Cameron are back at school looking over the insurance claim together. I want the insurance agent the Greens have. Kenny's got a drawn-up re-enactment and everything. There's a bad JFK joke here from Cam, but I won't bother. He tells Kenny that "chicks dig mopeds" and walks down the hall to meet "Dude" and "Bro." Somehow Cam has finally gotten some friends. I spoke too soon, though, because the two guys immediately begin to sing "The Wheels On the Bus" to Cameron. Cam figures out that they talked to Slut Girl, but the two guys just keep singing their song. In fact, Cameron is trying to get them to talk to him, but they continue to sing like zombies until the song is over. They tell him he's busted, grab their skateboards and walk off. Cameron attempts to laugh it off.
Meanwhile, Clay's mandatory locker check is interrupted by a fierce Meghan. She demands to know how he could write a letter like that. The Center of the Universe does not approve of unassigned love letters addressed to her beauty. How dare that asshole? Clay says that he needed to write the letter to get some things out of his head. Meghan asks if then he'd be able to go back to Ferret with a clean conscience. Clay says he was thinking, not thinking straight. He didn't think that Ferret would read it. "Hello?" Meghan's lips move but the sound comes out at a different time. "You were carrying the damn thing around school. It's like you wanted to get caught!" She gives him the hand and walks off as the five-note Get Real jingle gets funky.
"Can we please talk about this?" Meghan whispers to Ferret in a pseudo-class. Suddenly they have to whisper. "This is probably your last episode anyway, so you might as well speak up!" Ferret raises her hand and asks the teacher if she can move because her current seat is too close to the radiator. The five-note jingle isn't giving up, and I'm starting to write lyrics for it. You sing it to the opening strains of "Diamonds and Pearls," since that's what the song was stolen from: "Get Real is can-celled! It will be real soon!" Meghan's hair is really upset.
Mitch announces the "tough love" portion of Kenny's driving lessons. Mitch says that they've got a doctor's appointment to go to and they want Kenny to see the baby on ultrasound. Kenny says that he's never driving again. Mitch tells him to get back on the horse. Kenny's bedroom has one wall in cinder block. He's got a Sonic the Hedgehog poster over his bed. Right. This isn't the same room that he was in when he was having cyber-sex with Rebecca. Mitch tells a "when I was your age" story about totaling his dad's car. Kenny gives in and drives them to the doctors with only a few curb checks.
The doctor checks on Mary's "Jellybean." The conversation is over-jolly among the three of them as Mitch discusses possible baby names. They all discuss "Schuyler" for a few minutes. The doctor says the baby is playing hide and seek. She has Mary move a bit over. Mitch talks about "Frances." The doctor finds the baby and looks at a different angle. "Why can't I see the heartbeat?" Mitch asks. The doctor isn't talking. Mary asks again. The doctor doesn't say anything, but she shuts off the ultrasound monitor. Cue the five-note Get Real jingle on clarinet. The doctor walks out of the room and Kenny can see Mitch and Mary through the open door. He asks the doctor if something is wrong, but she walks away from him. The nurse smiles and shuts the waiting room window so that Kenny is all by himself. Nice people skills, guys. No one will talk to any of them and they are all a bunch of silent, smiling doctors. Fade to white.
Wow. All these commercials. St. Clare sits down to me and says, "I had to make it up for last week. I had the flu and completely forgot to do something about that bully episode. This one is much shorter." Gracias, St. Clare.
Mitch and Mary ask the doctor what could have caused the miscarriage. The doctor says it's probably due to a chromosomal abnormality. Mary asks if it might be her age or the fact that she exercises all the time (Bitch.). Mitch asks if it might be because of the car accident. The doctor says she doesn't want to make this "a guessing game" and that Mary should have her D & C as soon as possible. She asks if she wants to do it today or schedule it for a later date. Mitch tells her to do what she wants. Mary says she figures she should do it now. The doctor leaves Mitch and Mary alone with the five-note jingle. Mitch says he should go tell Kenny what happened. Mary says that he shouldn't mention the accident because he'll "go right there." Mitch asks if he should lie if Kenny asks. Mary says they don't have much of a choice.
Cameron walks over to Red Head and Another Girl and asks if they've seen Slut Girl. They say they haven't but they saw "Betty washing her bus," and add that she looks like she could use a hand, if he, in fact, has a free hand. (Their dialogue, not mine) Cameron sets his jaw to give his "outraged" look. He says that there weren't any girls at that high school he was looking to date anyway, and certainly not the two of them. They give a bit of a rejected look and then realize that it's Cam and that they aren't missing anything. Slut Girl walks into Cam. He says he can't believe she told everyone. She says it just came out. He says that he told her something in private because he thought that he could trust her. He says that when her three-way rumor was going around he didn't say anything to anyone. How noble. How about defending her? He says that she's a hypocrite for spreading his story all over the school. He walks off.
Meghan stands in the World's Largest Kitchen putting flowers in a vase. Clay lets himself in and asks to talk to her. She says she's not interested. Meghan's microphone for this scene is located on her sleeve or her collar, so instead of the dialogue being the loudest thing in the scene, it's the flower arrangement that Meghan is making. They talk, but you hear "Clink-shhh! Clink-shh!" as Meghan adds another flower. Clay tells Meghan that the hardest part about falling in love with her was realizing that he was falling out of love with Ferret. Meghan gets all gooey when she hears him say the "L" word. Clay says it was really hard to face Ferret and know that he didn't feel for her that way anymore. Clink-shh! Clink-shh! There are fewer flowers in the vase. Sensitive piano music. Clay's hair has gotten darker. Clay says he ended up hurting Ferret even more than he intended to. Meghan welcomes him to the club. He asks if she hates him. She says that -- Clink-shh! Clink-shh! -- and that she's going through a lot of emotions right now, but hating him isn't -- Clink-shh! -- and that she's still trying to patch things up with Ferret, so talking to him isn't really a good idea and -- Clink-shh! -- distance. Clay says that he's always giving Meghan her distance. She says that's tough titties. The Center of the Universe has spoken. Clay begins his long walk out of the World's Largest Kitchen. Meghan lowers her head and nose-blows right into the microphone.
Mary and Mitch leave the doctor's office. Kenny offers to help but Mary says she's fine. As Mitch is signing her out Kenny asks if this is because of the accident. Mitch says it isn't, and that it was a genetic thing that happened over a month ago. Kenny looks relieved. Mary looks like a liar. Flash to white and Meghan is apologizing about the miscarriage. Elizabeth asks if she can do anything. Mary says that her feet are cold. Mitch goes for a blanket. Mary decides to lie down for a while. Elizabeth offers to go up with her, but Mary says that she's fine. She walks upstairs. Elizabeth sits down and asks Kenny what happened. He says that the doctor says it was genetic. Elizabeth says that doctors never know what they're talking about and that they just give "expensive guesses." I guess someone is still bitter about getting dumped by Dr. Feelgood. Kenny says that the doctor said this happened over a month ago. Elizabeth says that's impossible because Mary just had an ultrasound two weeks ago and the baby was fine. Mitch walks in and tries to shut Elizabeth up but she's on a roll. Mitch says that it was his mistake and that it was a week not a month. Kenny questions him and Mitch says he had a lot on his mind and walks upstairs. Kenny pouts.
Mitch brings Mary a tray of things even though she said she was fine. Mitch says he feels really helpless. He says that even though they tell you to be cautious in the first trimester he still was picking out colors and names and things. Mary interrupts to tell him that she loves him. He says he loves her too and tells her to get some sleep. He walks off as Mary begins to cry. He shuts several doors as Kenny asks him what's going on. Mitch says that Elizabeth can be stubborn sometimes and that he just snapped. I'm about to snap from that incessant oboe they keep wailing on. Kenny asks if Mitch lied to him. Mitch begins to say that he didn't want Kenny to think it was because of the accident (but he calls it "going there," which I refuse to do), and so he made up the story about the genetic thing. Kenny gets upset and Mitch tells him it isn't his fault. Kenny insists that it could be his fault and asks Mitch to look him in the eye and promise him the accident didn't cause the miscarriage. Mitch says that he can't do that. Sensitive synthesizer. Kenny carries on the Green tradition of turning someone else's misfortune into their own personal tragedy by saying he can't believe Mitch and Mary lied to him. He storms up the stairs to his room as Mitch calls after him.
Elizabeth, Meghan and Cameron sit at the dinner table picking at their food. Meghan says that the food is really good. Elizabeth thanks her. Mitch comes storming in. Suddenly it's dark outside. Meghan asks Mitch how Mary is doing. He says that she's good, "considering." But now he's worried about Kenny. Cameron asks if Kenny's accident caused the miscarriage. Mitch says, "Who knows, Cam? Who knows?" Elizabeth recommends giving Kenny a little time. Mitch stops drinking his beer to snap, "Well, he wouldn't need a little time, Liz, if you'd just keep quiet." Elizabeth says she didn't know that Mitch was lying to him. Mitch says that now he's got to worry about his wife and his son as well. Elizabeth says that they are also her daughter and grandson and that she'd never intentionally hurt them. This softens Mitch, and he apologizes. Elizabeth says she knows, and that he "lost a baby too."
Meghan and Cameron knock on Kenny's door. "Go away," he says in the dark. They walk in. He comments on their listening skills. Meghan says they came to check on their "little brother." She says it like she's mocking him. They sit on his bed and say that they are worried about him. Cue the five-note Get Real jingle on sensitive oboe. Kenny says that now that they've checked they can leave. Cameron says that they noticed that he's upset and Kenny snaps at Cam, marveling at how he figured out that he's upset. He asks if Mitch made them come see him but Cameron says they came up on their own. Kenny tells them to say whatever they wanted to say and then get out. They say it's not Kenny's fault. Kenny says it is. Cameron says that he was there and he knows that the other guy stopped short and that "Jeff Gordon" couldn't have stopped in time. Kenny points out that since Jeff Gordon is a race car driver he would have been traveling at 180 miles per hour so, no, probably he wouldn't have stopped in time. Meghan continues the Green Tradition with a whine by asking Kenny why he's taking it all out on them. Kenny says he's tired of living in a house of liars. And I'm tired of watching them. He says that Cam has been blaming him for days about the accident. Cam says that he was just joshing with him. Kenny says that it was his fault when the accident cost a few hundred dollars, so it's still his fault when the accident "killed Mom's baby." Meghan whimpers and tries to hug Kenny and say he shouldn't take it all so personally, but he pushes her away (really hard!) and tells them to leave if they are finished cheering him up. They let him cry alone as the twelve-string guitar cues the five-note jingle. In this version it sounds like Bon Jovi's "Dead or Alive." The oboe sings us to a commercial.
Our top story in Austin tonight is an exposé on how safe the University's dorms are. We have no news in Austin.
Mary walks into the World's Largest Kitchen and joins the family for breakfast. Cameron says he's giving her some serious pampering and kisses her on the head. Mary says he hasn't done that since he was seven years old. He is wearing the same "Think" shirt he was wearing three days ago. He kisses her on the forehead again "for being patient." Meghan gives Cam a side glare that says, "You think you're Top Kiss-Ass? You haven't seen me do my stuff yet, boy." Mary asks where Kenny is. They say that they're letting him sleep in. Elizabeth walks in and says that he'll be fine: "He's got perspective." Whatever that means. The doorbell rings. It's Ferret. Meghan gleefully asks her to come in. Ferret gives her a tray of cookies or something from her mom. Meghan asks if they can talk about the car wash. Ferret scoffs. She says that Mary is a good person and that Ferret and her mom care about Mary when something bad happens to her, but she's not going to change how she feels about Meghan. Meghan says they've been friends forever. Ferret says if that were the case, Meghan wouldn't have taken her boyfriend. Meghan pulls Ferret over two feet to create a sense of intimacy (and hit the camera mark) and says that she didn't take him. She says that she could have dated him but she didn't. Ferret calls her on being "Miss Arrogant" and remarks on how noble it is that Meghan could have taken Clay at any time but she didn't as a favor to her. How beautiful. Go, Ferret, go. She says that it's so nice that she only "borrowed him for a little while." Meghan hisses that she's "so not fair." "You're such a slut!" Ferret screams.
Elizabeth comes storming down the hall and says, "Maybe you two haven't gotten the newsletter but Mary and Mitch just lost a baby." The sad-baby piano music starts. "There's no room in this house for this kind of crap." Why not? That house is huge. Ferret apologizes and says she wasn't thinking. Elizabeth agrees that she wasn't, and tells Meghan that she wasn't either. Meghan says she knows. Elizabeth tells Ferret to leave. She does. Meghan hair tucks and starts to apologize, and Elizabeth interrupts her to give this pearl of wisdom: "Never follow the word 'sorry' with the word 'but.' A qualified apology is meaningless." Meghan rolls her eyes and brats that she was just trying to explain herself. She says that Ferret found out about Clay and that she thinks she betrayed her. "Imagine that," Elizabeth sneers. Meghan says that Ferret isn't letting her apologize. Elizabeth points out that Meghan kissed Ferret's boyfriend, and maybe she doesn't feel like letting Meghan "dictate the terms of forgiveness." Hey, I think I wrote that. Meghan says that she isn't trying to dictate anything. "Well, that's good," Elizabeth says, "I'd hate for Amy to get the wrong impression." "Like what?" "Like, that you're reaching out to her simply to ease a guilty conscience." With that loving statement, Elizabeth leaves, and Meghan pouts by herself on the couch, tucking her hair and listening to the oboe. I'm so tired of this story line.
Slut Girl shows up while Cameron is shooting hoops. Cameron says that he's got a lot going on right now. How early is it? Slut Girl asks if he wants to talk about it. He says he doesn't, and if he did, it wouldn't be with her. Slut Girl says she has something to tell him, and she won't take long so it won't take up too much of his "moody-ass hoop-shooting time." That's the thing I say! She opens a note and begins reading. She says that she wet her pants in the fourth grade. Cameron stops shooting hoops to hear that she was sent to the nurse and had to wear overalls all day long. He asks why she's telling him this and she says that since he told her something embarrassing and she told everyone, he deserves to hear a few juicy stories about her. She goes on to say that in the seventh grade she let some guy feel her up on the bus for a dollar. Again, good for your rep, girlie. Cam asks if this is her "bizarro universe" way of getting him to forgive her. Slut Girl says that she had a crush on the shop teacher. Discussion of the number of fingers shop teacher possesses. She thought he was dangerous. Cam forgives Slut Girl. She asks if he'd like to go for coffee. He says he's gonna stick around for "family stuff." They exchange "cool"s and Slut Girl walks off. Cam stops her and asks if they can "hook up" tomorrow. She says he knows where to find her. Close-up on Happy Cam.
Cue the beginning of the episode. Mary asks where Mitch is, and this time we follow the MaryCam around Green Manor. All conversation from the beginning of the episode is repeated. Same shot of Kenny walking down the street in slow motion. Same song plays. Same shot of Kenny entering church. Empty church. Priest. Confession. Killed someone. Tell me about it. Gotta go. Don't go. Gone. We saw all of this before. What a waste. Fade to white.
Mitch pulls up in his car to the church. He's got a good tracking device on him. He walks over to Kenny and sits beside him. He says it's sort of cold outside. Fade to white.
Ferret and Meghan wash a car. I guess Meghan didn't want to stick around for "family stuff." Meghan says that she can't take the silence anymore, so she's going to leave, but she wants to apologize before she goes. She says that if Ferret can ever find it in her heart to forgive her that her door is open. She'd take back having hurt her if she could. Except that kissing part. She wants more of that. She loves her. Ferret says that Clay never wrote her anything half as romantic as that note he wrote for Meghan. Meghan says, "You do realize that it's over between me and Clay? Forever?" "Don't make promises you can't keep," Ferret warbles. Meghan is dressed like Terry in Just One of the Guys. She asks if they'll ever be friends again. Ferret says she won't make promises she can't keep, either. She says that Meghan was the one that was supposed to protect her from a cheating boyfriend. I don't even know what she's referencing here, and I've seen every minute of Get Real three times. "Instead, you became the girl he cheated with." Ferret sniffs some snot and begins wiping a windshield as Meghan walks away. Wipe away, Ferret. Your episodes are numbered.
Mitch and Kenny walk inside the empty church. Mitch says that Kenny is worrying his mother. Kenny says that it's great he could give his mother another thing to worry about. Kenny says that he tried confession, but that it didn't work out. Mitch says that he's always liked the idea of confession. He says "absolution," so he can work the title of the episode in there. The oboe is still wailing on. Mitch says that they should try and keep the blame in perspective. Kenny says that the accident killed the baby. He caused the accident. He thinks it's pretty clear where the blame is. Mitch says it's not really a possibility. He says that maybe he should blame Mary for getting in the car with an inexperienced driver when she knew she was pregnant. He could blame himself for letting Kenny drive. He could blame the driver of the car they hit for stopping in the middle of the road for the veil. They could blame the bride for letting her veil blow away. They could blame God for not creating humans as perfect vessels to carry babies. Kenny says he doesn't think it works that way. "If I shoot somebody, is that God's fault, too?" Mitch says that shooting someone is a choice, and that Kenny didn't make this choice. He didn't intend for this to happen. He says that no one blames him for all of this. No, I blame you, Kenny. If it weren't for you I wouldn't have had to watch this plot line. If you could just shut up and quit your whining we could all watch a different show. "You can't take responsibility for things you can't control. You gotta cut yourself some slack." Kenny thanks him as the oboe screeches around. Mitch suggests they light a candle for the baby, which kicks off the final five-note Get Real jingle that ushers in the gospel singers. Mitch and Kenny light a candle. They hug. Fade to white. Mitch and Kenny walk into Green Manor and Mary runs down the stairs to Kenny. She hugs him. She sits on the stairs and says she loves him. He buries his head in her chest. Mary grabs Mitch's hand as the gospel singers remind me that they are "One Big Family." Pan up. End of episode.
That was a much shorter episode than they usually are. week Ferret pins Meghan for a big school controversy. Meghan tries to cover up Cameron's potential "Third Strike." Then no more Get Real until March, so try and contain yourselves.