Episode Report Card Pamie: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Big Numbers
By Pamie | Season 1 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.09.1999
Martyr Meghan is sitting on her bench. We see through a series of scenes that she's been spending every day at "free period" right there on the bench. I figure that all day long is really "free period" at this school, but whatever. Meghan is walking down a hallway as Best Friend Episode Seven Amy walks up to her. I can see the smile on her face. "Check it out, Ma! I'm a recurring character!" She bumps Meghan's shoulder. "Hey stranger, want some company?" "Nah," Meghan just flat-out says to her. Man, can you believe this girl? Amy asks why Meghan's been such a loner lately, and I realize that Amy sounds exactly like the Budweiser Ferret. Meghan explains that she's sort of been "hibernating," and Ferret says, "Hee-hooo-hih-hoo, try to hurry back! You've missed some gooooood gossip! Hee-hoo-hiii!" Meghan says she's trying to avoid the gossip. Ferret says, "Hii-ho-I mean about me. My life has gotten reeeely hi-hoo-hi-hi-interesting since you've been hiding." "Amy, your life is always interesting," Meghan says, as if she's spoken to Ferret more than three times. Ferret exhales as Meghan promises they'll catch up later in a Very Special Foreshadowing Moment. Ferret says, "Hey!" so hard that her eyes flex shut. She tells Meghan she thinks Meghan did the right thing. "With Miss LaSalle, I mean," Ferret says, so I guess not only has the whole school forgotten about Dan, they cease to remember that they all referred to their Lit teacher as "Julia." Meghan is carrying her lunch to her special place as she voice-overs to us, "Amy and I have been friends forever." I miss the next part because I am screaming with laughter all over my futon. Meghan is saying something about "if anyone" could understand Meghan's pain and suffering, "it would be Amy." That is so freaking hysterical, since every time Ferret has tried talking to Meghan about it Meghan would just pull her hair and scream, "Leave me alone! This is my problem and I don't want you touching any of it! Mine! Mine!" Meghan is going on about not wanting to see anyone or talk to anyone and just be alone for a while, which seems to be a pretty easy thing to do when the "whole school" is mad at you and you have NO FRIENDS. Besides this good point, Meghan feels that she needs to be on her bench.
Of course, this time around, there's someone sleeping on it. Uh oh! Someone's been sleeping in my bed! More importantly it's a New Cute Guy. Meghan "Dan? Dan who?" Green tells New Cute Guy he's in her spot. "What?" Cute Guy says like, "Uh, this is a bench. How can it be your spot?" Meghan's hair explains that she sits there every day and she can't sit there when he's lying all over it. Cute Guy says, "Oh. So that makes it your spot?" Meghan rolls her eyes because everyone is dumber than she originally thought they were and says, "Uh, yeah, kinda." New Cute Guy explains that usually people have to donate money to get their own bench. "That's how it works in parks," he says. "Right, but this is school," Meghan says, like that's an answer. "Thanks for the lesson," he points. Meghan's hair has just about had it, so it gets the eyes to roll as it says, "So, are you moving or not?" Cute Boy decides on "not." The silly argument goes on even further with this whole, "Can't you just sleep anywhere" / "Can't you just sit anywhere" section that's even more tedious now that I've written it out. Meghan says she's a "creature of habit." "And you're in my spot," she finishes up. Cute Boy declares that she's not too good at negotiations and decides to go back to his nap. Meghan sits down on the edge of the bench and says, "You know, you seem like a pretty reasonable guy. Normally I don't open up to people I don't know or I'm not even sure really go to this school..." "Transferred here three weeks ago," he informs us. "Not...the point," Meghan interrupts. Shut up, Meghan; I'm trying to watch the Cute Guy. She says the following as one sentence: "Uh, my privacy is -- it's kinda important to me right now I've...been going through some rough stuff you probably don't need to know and I'm pretty sure couldn't even begin to relate to but just trust me when I say I have to be alone here in this spot so could you please just do this for me because I'm asking?" Exhale. The Center of the Universe has spoken. Cute Boy moves a bit and asks how rough the rough stuff is. Meghan tells him the entire school hates her. He asks how long he's been asleep. Smiles and smiles as the background music kicks up. Cute Boy gets up to leave and tells Meghan that you meet the most interesting people when you try to be alone. Meghan rolls her eyes and executes a double hair tuck as she sits down to enjoy her lunch. She turns around to stare out the window that is ten feet away from her and sees way down the hallway to the doors leading into the school. Of course, Cute Boy turns around, looks at her and smiles. These super vision powers would convince me he's an alien, but it just affirms his cuteness to Meghan as we finally go to the opening music. It's getting shorter and shorter.
Mary makes a bunch of Post-It notes informing of a family meeting. Everyone wakes up and rolls onto their notes and joins breakfast at the table. Elizabeth is furious she didn't get a Post-It, even if she was already up. "Good morning, everyone," Mary says while sitting down. "Now, this isn't really a family meeting, this is a me meeting." No shit. Mary is stressed about the wedding. She says that Amber moved up the date to this weekend. "Don't ask," Mary says. "Why?" Mitch comes in right on cue and everyone spends a few minutes chuckling at wacky ol' Dad. Mary says she needs everyone's help. Kenny says he can't because Victor would be pissed at him. Blah, blah, blah, everyone is going to help at this wedding, dammit. Cameron is only half listening because he's flexing his arm. She tells everyone that they will be helping all day before school, after school, all day Saturday, Saturday night and Sunday night helping clean up. Mitch asks if he can take a shower first. Mary says hurry up because breakfast is almost ready. "Oh, and I need you to recruit some friends." I start laughing. "Anyone who is responsible and looking for six bucks an hour." "I'll, uh, ask Amy, okay?" Meghan says, since that's the only friend she's got left on her list of Best Friends. I swear Meghan must have sixteen half-hearts with "Be Fri" or "Est Ends" hanging around her jewelry box. "I can't believe I didn't get a Post-It," Elizabeth whines as she walks by. Because if you're planning a family meeting, make sure you use the paper that the Green family uses. Post-Its, for when you want everyone to show up so you can make them do your job for free. Mary tells Mitch she hopes she can pull this off, and Mitch looks down to read off his token line of each and every episode: "You'll do great."