By Montykins
We're back! And Joffrey's face is more smackable than ever! This time it's Cersei Lannister who does the honors, but now that he's king, he can threaten her with death if she does it again. The entire kingdom now knows he's not really Robert Baratheon's heir, but he's the only king who has possession of the actual Iron Throne, so he still seems to be the favorite.
Robb Stark has decided to be The King in the North, which means he just wants Joffrey and any other potential kings to stay in the south. He also wants to trade Jaime Lannister for Arya and Sansa Stark, but he's got two problems. First, the Lannisters don't actually have Arya. And second, Joffrey doesn't care that much about Jaime, since he'd prefer to have a giant war. He's the worst! Tyrion is supposed to be talking sense to him, but nobody really likes hearing sense, do they?
A new king enters the fray in the form of Stannis Baratheon, Robert's brother. Stannis is being led to this by a creepy woman, who survives an assassination attempt by a gentleman with very impressive muttonchops.
In other news, Jon Snow is off north of the wall dealing with a weirdo who marries his own daughters. Mance Rayder is up there amassing his own army and calling himself a king, because why not? Daenerys is also a king, or possibly a queen. She doesn't do much, but the dragons are still cute. And Bran is trying to run Winterfell, but he's still a tiny crippled child.
Oh! And there's a comet in the sky that everyone regards as some kind of omen.