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THEY CUT OFF NED'S HEAD!
Wait. Hang on. We have to cover some things first. Catelyn Stark has to convince the old, cranky Walder Frey to let the Starks use his bridge. He agrees, but only if the Stark children are all willing to marry Frey children. Robb goes along with it. So he sends two thousand soldiers as a feint against Tywin Lannister's army and the rest of his army attacks Jaime's. And they take Jaime Lannister hostage, so it presumably went pretty well.
Up at The Wall, Jon Snow learns about all the shenanigans and appears to be planning on deserting on the grounds that nobody else has ever had to decide between serving in the Night's Watch or participating in a civil war with the rest of one's family. Maester Aemon disagrees and it turns out he's a Targaryen from a couple generations back. So when the Mad King was getting rebelled against and the remaining Targaryens were being hunted down and killed, he was in a very similar situation.
And that cut that Khal Drogo gave himself in the last episode? It's not looking good at all, and he falls off his horse, which is apparently something that a horselord is not supposed to do. As his wound oozes and suppurates (that doesn't happen on screen, but how often do you think I have an excuse to say "suppurate"?), Daenerys gets a little panicky about what's going to happen when he dies. Because it will probably involve the death of both her and her unborn son. So she makes that witch she saved do some kind of spell to save him, which is a logical enough plan, although it apparently involves gallons of fresh horse blood all over everything. And then Dany starts to give birth.
And in King's Landing, Varys comes to visit Ned in prison to tell him that if he's willing to say that Joffrey is king, he'll be allowed to take the black and go join the men of The Wall. He doesn't want to do it, because he's Ned "Honor Honor Honor" Stark, and he probably loves the idea of dying to prove how much honor he's got. But Varys reminds him that Sansa's life is also at stake. So Ned comes out in front of a howling crowd to "confess" that he's a dirty traitor. Joffrey tells the crowd that his mother, Queen Regent Cersei, wants to let Ned live. But he disagrees.
And then THEY CUT OFF NED'S HEAD!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Oh, hi! So, um, have you seen this episode yet? Because if you're reading this recap to find out what happened, I gotta be honest. You're probably better off actually watching it and then coming back here. Or I guess the book is pretty popular too. You could try that, I guess. My point is that this recap will be, I hope, entertaining. And enjoyable. But you definitely want to watch this episode.
Right. With that out of the way, let's get to the opening credits. After the usual King's Landing, we get something new! As we go north over the Riverlands, we zoom in on The Twins, which are a pair of castle-like towers on either end of a big bridge across the river. Then up north to Winterfell and The Wall, and over to Vaes Dothrak. Although I don't think they're actually still in that city.
Ned Stark, it appears, is still in prison, where everything is dark. Then a torch appears, with Varys behind it. That's kind of a good news/bad news situation. Varys tells Ned that many still pray for him, specifically Sansa, who has pled for his life in court. Ned figures that's the sort of thing that caused a lot of laughter, but Varys promises that he does not want Ned's blood. And then he has a story about his pre-eunuch days when he was part of a troupe of actors. The moral is that his role in life is to be sly, obsequious, and without scruples. That's a pretty harsh view of actors, isn't it? Some of them aren't all that obsequious. Anyway, he admits that he could free Ned, but he won't. Ned wants to know what Varys is after, and the answer turns out to be "peace." Well, good luck with that. He also wants to let Ned know that Robb is marching south with an army of Northmen. Well, that worries Ned, because Robb's just a boy. They get to talking about other options for king and Ned insists that Stannis Baratheon is in the line of succession. Varys was trying to bring up the topic of who would be a good king, but that's not Ned's style. Varys employs a wolf metaphor to suggest that Cersei would prefer some kind of peaceful resolution to all this. So Varys would like Ned to serve the realm and lay down his sword. He believes Cersei would let Ned take the black. Whaddya say, Ned? He says no. Like Eddard Stark is going to sell his honor for a few more years of life. Hell, no! This guy has spent his entire life waiting for a way that he can prove to everyone just how honorable he is. Ned says he grew up with soldiers, not actors. So instead of learning to lie, he learned to die. That doesn't actually sound like a huge improvement to me. Varys shrugs and asks, "What of your daughter's life, my lord? Is that a precious thing to you?" Ned considers that. Exit Varys.
A raven gets shot down by Theon Greyjoy. He's either trying to intercept a message or just showing off his archery talents. Robb gets the message and reports that it's a birthday message to someone's grandniece. Now, was that worth killing a perfectly good raven? I suggest that it was not. The discussion is about what to do about Walder Frey. Although he's a Stark bannerman, no one trusts him. Theon's proposal is that they ride up to the front door and demand to be let across the bridge. Catelyn says that the Freys always exact a toll to go across. Robb wants to go talk to Walder Frey, but everyone thinks that if Robb went in alone, he'd just be taken hostage and sold to the Lannisters. But he doesn't want to let other men do his bargaining. So Catelyn volunteers. This is the kind of show where any time someone says, "No man would do that," a woman will immediately volunteer. She says she's known Lord Walder since she was a girl and that he would never harm her. Everyone sort of accepts that, although they think that Walder would do nearly anything for a profit.
Walder Frey turns out to be old and cranky. How cranky? Well, you know Argus Filch from the Harry Potter movies? It's that guy. Although he could stand to be older, I think. Everyone talks like he's incredibly old, but he just seems "very" old." Although that girl whose butt he's fondling is definitely too young for him. And his age is established when men who do legitimately look incredibly old call him "father." He's got a lot of people trying to give him advice, but they all appear to be his children. He tells one woman, "Your mother would still be a milkmaid if I hadn't squirted you into her belly." Classy! Also, it takes a special kind of gall to insult someone's parentage when you're actually one of the parents in question. Having established that he's got a lot of children that he doesn't respect, he tells everyone to get out so he can talk to Catelyn by himself. This includes his wife, who turns out to be fifteen years old. Once they're alone, Walder reveals that he's mad that Cat's father didn't come to his last three weddings. Also, "the fine Lord Tully" was never willing to marry any of his children off to Walder's. His point is that he's got a lot of children to marry off and if doesn't get some of them out of the castle, they'll just keep stacking up. Having established his own motivations for what felt like several hours, he's willing to ask what Catelyn wants. She would like the gates opened so her son and his men ("twenty thousand") can cross the Trident. She reminds him, "You swore an oath to my father." He points out that he also swore one to the king, which is currently Joffrey. Left unsaid is the part about him not actually caring about oaths in the first place. He doesn't seem to want to participate in the themes of the show: "Stark, Tully, Lannister, Baratheon. Give me one good reason why I should waste a single thought on any of you." Well, because the show is about mighty houses feuding with each other. How about that?
Ah, The Wall. Remember that time Jon Snow grabbed an oil lamp so he could burn Zombie Othor? Turns out he burned his hand. If you like, you can come up with some elaborate theory about how that parallels what's happening to Ned (the Hand of the King). I'd do it myself, but I'm kind of sleepy. Lord Commander Mormont wants to reward Snow's hard work, so he gives him a sword. The pommel has a wolf, but it used to be a bear. It's a very important sword, which we know because Snow immediately comments on the Valyrian steel. They mention Valyrian steel a lot, but they've never really gone into what's so great about it. I can only assume it's incredibly rare, although this is like the sixth weapon made out of it that we've seen. This particular sword belonged to Lord Commander Mormont's father, and his father before him. It was supposed to go to his son (Jorah), but he ran off to be in the Daenerys plot and left the sword behind. Snow is honored and tries not to take it, but Mormont apparently feels some degree of gratitude about Snow saving his life last night. Also, Snow isn't confined to quarters anymore, although Mormont doesn't approve of what he describes as "this nonsense" between him and Ser Alliser Thorne. And in a related story, Mormont has sent Thorne down to King's Landing to show King Joffrey that severed hand that Ghost brought back. The idea is that this will show how much The Wall needs more men and also get some distance between Thorne and Snow. With all that out of the way, Mormont says to go put the sword away and bring some supper already.
Snow goes into the mess hall, where everyone already knows about his sword. They all want to play with it! He lets them, because obviously he wanted to show off his new toy, right? If he wanted to keep it a secret, he could have taken it to his quarters first instead of trotting it through the most populated place on The Wall. He does hold back long enough to justify a chant of "Sword! Sword! Sword!" Which is kind of fun. Sam is sitting glumly at a table, and Snow can somehow tell the difference between this and the usual Sam-glumness. Sam has news that he got from a raven sent to Maester Aemon. He's not supposed to say, but he does anyway: Robb is marching south to war. Naturally, Snow feels that he should be with him.
Catelyn rides back up to the Stark tents so she can report her results to Robb. She was basically successful, because Lord Walder will not only allow the Stark Army to cross, he will donate his men to the cause. Except for 400 of them, which have to stay behind to guard the home front. However, he has some requirements: first, Robb will take some kid as his squire and then knight him later on. Also, Arya will have to marry a particular Frey son, which seems to assume they'll even be able to find her. Oh, and Robb himself will have to marry one of Walder's daughters: " Whichever you prefer. He has a number he thinks will be suitable." Robb asks if Catelyn got a look at the available choices. Theon sniggers. Catelyn allows as how there was one daughter he might find acceptable. And since Robb can't really refuse, he consents. Theon laughs at him. Then a lot of men on horseback cross the river.
Maester Aemon chops up chunks of meat with a cleaver. Say, these ravens eat pretty well, don't they? I guess they are the standard communication method throughout the kingdom, so it makes sense that you'd want to keep them well fed. Jon Snow comes up and, sulking a bit, and asks if he was sent for. Aemon asks if Snow knows why the men of the Night's Watch give up families and romantic entanglements. I hope it doesn't have anything to do with that whole "Jedi knights don't know love" thing. The correct answer is that "Love is the death of duty." By way of example, Aemon asks Jon what would happen if Ned had to choose between honor on one hand and family on the other. That's quite a coincidence, because that's exactly what Ned's doing right now! Jon figures Ned would choose honor, because that's basically all he does. Aemon says that it's easy to be honorable when there are no stakes. But when there's a newborn or something, men find reasons not to go get themselves killed in the snowy wastes. Snow says that nobody has ever faced the problems he has. Although he's a bastard, Robb is his brother and Ned is his father. And he's stuck up here at The Wall because of his stupid vow. His problems are utterly without parallel! Or so he says. Aemon laughs at him, which is not what you're looking for when you're talking about your problems. Aemon has some stories about his own history, including the ruin of his house and the death of his family. It turns out that he's a Targaryen! In fact, he actually turned down the throne and his brother Aeryn took it. And Aeryn's son was Aerys the Mad King, so he was up at The Wall when the rest of his family was being rebelled against and killed. And he didn't forsake his duty: "I will not tell you stay or go. You must make that choice yourself. And live with it the rest of your days. As I have." Snow is shocked that other people have problems sometimes.
The Dothraki are riding. On their horses. It's probably safe to assume that any time we don't see them, they're doing something horse-related. Khal Drogo is at the front of the column, and he's drooping in his saddle somewhat alarmingly. Daenerys seems worried about him. She rides up to ask what's wrong, but she has to get through so many phrases like "My moon and stars" and "Who's my little poopsie-doodle?" that before she can get to the question, he's toppled all the way off the horse and onto the ground. This immediately causes problems, because in a horse-centric society, you probably want to be good at horses. The men say that a Khal who cannot ride is no Khal. Dany claims that he can ride just fine; he was just, um, taking a break. This is where we're going to camp tonight! Everyone thinks that's dumb, because this is a horrible sandy wasteland. And Dany may not have the juice to command people anymore. She pushes it a bit and orders the mouthiest rider to bring her the witch. Unharmed, or Khal Drogo will hear how he disobeyed her. Lady, Khal Drogo is in no shape to be enforcing your orders. And I don't understand the threat of "Khal Drogo will hear about this" when he's lying right there. The only reason he doesn't already know about it is that he's completely delirious.
Tywin is running a war meeting. Just like Ned is always trying to find excuses to be self-destructively honorable, I imagine Tywin as always planning war strategy in his head, just waiting for the day when he can put them into play. His scouts say the Starks have moved south, which is what he gets for trusting scouts. Tyrion enters the tent, sits at the big table, and grabs some wine. Judging from the looks he receives, he's not actually part of the war council and may not be entitled to that wine. We learn that the Hill People have received their weapons and armor, although the armorers were a little put out at having to give Shagga (son of Dolph) two giant axes. Tywin tells Tyrion that he and his wildlings will be in the vanguard. Tyrion shares an anecdote about how the wildlings are stabbing each other over sausages and demanding blood money, which gives Tywin an excuse to blame the lack of discipline on the Wildlings' commander. Tyrion enters into a sulk and suggests that there are easier ways to kill him than to put him in the vanguard. Then he leaves, which I suspect was Tywin's goal.
Tyrion stomps off to his tent, where Bronn has a lovely woman waiting for him. Ever the man of words, Bronn explains that he took her from "a ginger cunt, three tents down." This would normally make Tyrion worry about potential retaliation, but he figures being in the vanguard will probably kill him before anything actually happens. Bronn, upon learning that he will also be in the death zone, shrugs and goes off to find a whore for himself. Tyrion asks the young lady's name, and she answers, "Shae." He asks what her mother called her, but her mother died giving birth to her. And she thinks talking about her mother is a weird thing for a John to do. Tyrion asks about her accent, which she describes as "Foreign." Anyway, Tyrion wants an exclusive contract on her, and he wants her to fuck him like it's his last night in the world. In return, he gets safety, the pleasure of his company ("which I have heard is spectacular"), and also a lot of gold. She seems to find this bargain acceptable, so: Tits out! "Let's start with your last night in this world," she says, hopping onto his lap.
The setting: Inside a tent on a desolate clifftop. The dialogue: Drogo is mumbling incoherently. I think. I guess he could just be speaking regular Dothraki, but there aren't subtitles. I'm pretty sure it's mumbling. He doesn't look good. Dany tells Jorah that no one understands how strong Drogo is. He doesn't look too strong right now. Jorah cuts the dressing off his wound and tells her, "He will die tonight, Khaleesi." She says she won't let him. I'm not 100% sure it's her decision. Jorah recommends leaving quickly for a port, because Drogo's basically dead already. Dany thinks that Drogo's men will follow her because she's carrying his heir ("The Stallion Who Mounts the World," remember?), but Jorah says, "This isn't Westeros where men honor blood." So what's going to happen, as soon as Drogo kicks off, will be a mad battle among all the men until one emerges victorious as Khal. Then the new Khal, not wanting competition, will kill Dany and her baby. Ideally, the boy will be plucked from her breast and thrown to the dogs. Wow, these Dothraki have a tradition for everything!
That one witch comes in, trailed by a burly man. He glares at Dany, "You don't want her hurt? Pray we don't hurt you, too. You let this witch put her hands on our Khal." And he makes it clear that as soon as Khal Drogo dies, Dany is nothing. She looks scared, but she stands up to him: "I have never been nothing. I am the blood of the dragon." Yeah! She doesn't get all of her power from her husband! She gets some of it from her father! The burly man tells her, "The dragons are all dead, Khaleesi." He leaves and Dany tells Jorah he should probably wear his armor tonight. The witch has been examining Drogo and announces that he's beyond her healer's skills. All she can do is ease his pain, which I'm guessing involves yet more milk of the poppy. Dany demands some magic. The witch considers, and says, "There is a spell. Some would say death is cleaner." Dany will not be dissuaded, even when she learns that it's blood magic and only death pays for life. She assumes it will be her life, but no: the witch says, "Bring me his horse." The horsey? Oh, no! But: oh, yes! The horse is led right into the tent. The Dothraki want to kill the witch because blood magic is forbidden. Dany continues to push her authority: "I am your Khaleesi. I tell you what is forbidden." Exeunt servants. Exit also Dany, because the witch wants to be alone with Drogo and the horse. Dany doesn't want to leave, but the witch promises, "The dead will dance here tonight." Oh. Well. Great. What could possibly go wrong? Dany promises that no one will enter. Then the witch cuts the horse's neck and blood gouts all over Drogo. Also a bit on Dany. It give them both a very attractive savageness.
Outside the tent, Jorah would like to know what Dany is thinking. He thinks they could have been ten miles away by now, which would definitely be safer. He's got his armor on, but he seems like he'd prefer running shoes. There's some unearthly screaming from inside the tent, and it's not clear whether it's coming out of Drogo or the horse. One of the Dothraki goons wants to enter the tent, but Jorah stops him. It's time for a fight scene! The goon is shirtless and has one of those one-hand sickles. Jorah is wearing armor and has a sword. The battle seems kind of even until the Dothraki swings his sickles and it gets stuck on Jorah's armor. The sickle is kind of shaped like a semicircle, so it fits neatly around Jorah's midsection without actually endangering him. Jorah cuts him down, marking possibly the first time on this show that armor has actually come in handy.
And then! Dany collapses with what appear to be labor pains! Oh no! Jorah calls for the midwives, but they won't come on account of they say she's cursed. He threatens to cut their heads off if they don't get out there, but that doesn't seem to work. So he picks her up and carries her toward the tent, because the witch did say she was a midwife. I thought he wasn't supposed to enter the tent!
Tyrion promises Shae he's not in agony. Which normally isn't something you have to promise people, but the camera pulls back to reveal that they're balancing candles on their arms. Then Tyrion drops his arms, which means that Shae wins, claiming to be used to pain. So Tyrion has to drink. It's a little sad that Tyrion is sitting around doing drinking games with the guy he pays to be his bodyguard and the woman he pays to be his girlfriend. Anyway, it's time for a new game! Bronn has a Braavosi knife game, but Tyrion wants fewer of the fire and knife games. He suggests a judge-of-character game, because it will let him show off how clever he is. He'll make statements about peoples' pasts. If he's right, they drink. Otherwise, he does. Shae doesn't want to play, so Tyrion starts with Bronn: "Your father beat you." Bronn drinks, saying, "But my mother hit harder." Also, he killed his first man before he was twelve? No, it was a woman. He's been north of The Wall? Yes, on "work." He loves a woman, then it went badly and he never let himself love again? Actually, Tyrion was talking about himself. Yeah, don't you hate when you're playing Truth or Dare and nobody asks you anything cool? Tyrion insists that this is all excellent fun and starts guessing about Shae's past. She doesn't want to play and denies everything. So Tyrion has to drink after guessing that her mother was a whore, that her father left when she was young and that she wanted a different life. Then she tells him not to talk about her parents. So now it's time for her to make guesses about Tyrion. Which isn't quite fair, because I think he's probably one of the most famous people in the kingdom. She'd like to know about his old love, and Bronn knows that Tyrion used to be married. Tyrion says it's not a pleasant story, but Shaae threatens to cry if she doesn't get to hear it. So here we go: when Tyrion was sixteen, out riding with Jaime, he ran across a young lady named "Tysha" who was being chased by rapers. Tyrion took her to the inn while Jaime went off in search of the baddies, and three chickens and a flagon of wine later, Tyrion had lost his fear of women and was in her bed. In the morning, he asked for her hand in marriage and they found a drunk priest who was willing to marry them right away. Then the septon sobered up and told Tywin. And Tywin had Jaime tell Tyrion that Tysha was a whore arranged by Jaime. "After my brother confessed, my father brought in my wife and gave her to his guards." She got a silver coin for each man and Tyrion had to watch. "By the end, she had so much silver that the coins were slipping through her fingers and rolling onto the floor." Hmm. Poker players call that a "rough beat." Bronn says he would have killed him. Shae thinks he should have known she was a whore, because rape survivors don't ordinarily jump into bed with the first man they see. Tyrion shrugs, "As I said, I was young and stupid." Shae says, with a decent simulation of fondness, "You're still young and stupid." Kissing starts and Bronn leaves.
There's a lot of horse riding all around the Lannister tents. For some reason, my notes just say "Horses are around," which seems like a weird way to put it. I'm not sure what I was thinking there. Something about horses, I guess. Tyrion is happily sleeping when Bronn drops armor by his head. Robb "stole a march" which is some kind of military jargon meaning that he showed up before the battle was supposed to start. Tyrion would like Bronn to fetch his squire so he doesn't have to put his armor on himself, but he doesn't actually have one. He asks Shae to weep for him if he dies. She thinks he probably won't know.
Horses are still around.
Tyrion, now armored up, is ready to enter the battle. Bronn cheerfully advises him to "stay low" on the theory that maybe no one will notice him. Tyrion shakes that off and addresses the various Stone Crows, Black Ears, Burned Men, Moon Brothers, and Painted Dogs that make up his army. He does a pretty good job of bringing up things the Hill People care about (like the Vale) instead of just dwelling on the reasons the Lannisters and Starks are at war. He ends with, "Onward to claim what is yours!" He's clearly done well because Shagga leads a chant of "Halfman! Halfman! Halfman!" Then they charge forward and one knocks out Tyrion with a wayward hammer.
When Tyrion wakes up, he's being dragged along on some kind of rudimentary cart. This would appear to be after the battle, which strikes me as a good way to save money. Bronn tells him he's a shit warrior, but Tyrion seems okay with being alive. And they won! Tyrion finally gets up off the cart and sees that his wildmen and wildwomen are still cutting up their fallen enemies. I guess that's what you do after a battle. Tywin rolls up and comments that Tyrion is injured. Also, there were only 2000 men and no "Stark boy" because he was with the other eighteen thousand men. Well, Robb's not a complete fool, then.
Sideburns and Cat are waiting. Somewhere. It doesn't matter where. If I had the energy, I'd put in some incredibly subtle reference to Waiting for Godot here. Like, just one line from the play or something. But that doesn't seem worth it, so I'll just say, without a hint of judgment, that in this place where nothing ever seems to happen, Sideburns tells Cat that they should go. But she's happy to keep waiting. And then Robb rides out of the woods at the front of some other riders. Cat is pleased to see him. And they have Jaime Lannister! Nice work, kid! Jaime tells Cat that he'd offer her his sword if he hadn't lost it in the battle. She says she would prefer getting her daughters back. Oh, and her husband. Might as well throw him in there. Theon wants to cut off Jaime's head right away, because he's pretty bloodthirsty. Cat says to put Jaime in irons, because he'll presumably be useful at some point. Jaime has a proposal: what if he and Robb just had a one-on-one fight right now, and all the armies just abided by who won? Robb, who is apparently not an idiot, answers, "If we played it your way, Kingslayer, you'd win. We won't be playing it your way." Nice try, Jaime. Theon is annoyed that no one's killing Jaime, but Robb would rather talk about how he sent two thousand men to their deaths. And even though the bards will sing songs of their sacrifice, the dead will not hear them. Robb gives a downer of a speech about how they haven't won, haven't freed anybody. "This war is far from over," he says, because he hates people being happy. I guess.
In the streets of King's Landing, Arya catches a pigeon and breaks its neck. She tries to trade it for a lemon tart, but the surly baker wants three coppers, not a dead pigeon. Then everyone in the road goes off to the Sept of Baelor because that's where the Hand of the King is being taken. She goes along with the crowd. I understand that she's very interested in what will happen to her father, but that lemon tart is completely unguarded at this point.
She reaches a packed public square and climbs up onto a statue where she can get a good look. And what she's looking at is Ned being dragged out to face the howling crowd. There are people waving pitchforks, but no torches. That's for Frankenstein monsters. Pitchforks alone are for traitors. Torches alone are for mummies and vampires, I believe. You should be writing this down. Ned looks into the crowd and sees Arya perched on that statue. He's pushed along while people shout "Traitor!" at him. He passes Yoren (that scruffy guy from the Night's Watch who was coming down to King's Landing to round up men to drag back up to The Wall) and says "Baelor!" to him as he passes. I guess that's who the statue's of.
The whole King's Landing crowd is here. King Joffrey, Sansa, Varys, Cersei, Littlefinger, the whole crowd. Ned has a speech to give: "I am Eddard Stark, Lord of Winterfell and Hand of the King." Sansa nods, pleased that her plan is coming together. Ned continues, "I come before you to confess my treason in the sight of gods and men. I betrayed the faith of my king and the trust of my friend Robert. I swore to protect and defend his children. But before his blood was cold I plotted to murder his son and seize the throne for myself." So I guess he'd decided to bite the bullet and admit everything he's accused of. His reward for this is a thrown rock to the head. He slumps, and the Hound stands him up so he can keep going. "Let the high Septon and Baelor the Blessed bear witness to what I say. Joffrey Baratheon is the one true heir to the Iron Throne." And then there's some talk about gods, but I think we've gotten to the key points. Arya pulls her sword and appears to be considering killing every single person in the square. Except Ned. But Sansa's definitely going down. Pycelle announces that Ned has confessed his crimes: "The gods are just. But beloved Baelor taught us they can also be merciful. What is to be done with this traitor, your grace?"
So now it's in Joffrey's hands. He says that Cersei wants to send Ned to the Night's Watch. And "my Lady Sansa" has begged for mercy for her father. Sansa looks on fondly, thinking that everything is going to be Shiny Princess Ponies forever. But Joffrey goes on to say that they have soft, womanly hearts. Sansa, maybe. Cersei has the heart of an assault rifle. Joffrey commands, "Bring me his head!" All the advisors seem shocked. Sansa and Cersei both step forward to expostulate at Joffrey, and Sansa is pulled away. Arya jumps down from the statue into the crowd. Cersei seems to be talking to Joffrey (presumably something along the lines of "this is not what I told you to do!") and Joffrey pulls away from her. Ned is pushed down to his knees. Yoren finds Arya and holds her tight, telling her not to look. A giant sword comes out. Ned looks out into the bloodthirsty crowd and sees that Arya is no longer on the statue, waving a sword like a highly visible fool. He bows his head, baring his neck.
And then Lord Eddard Stark's head is CUT OFF, KILLING HIM DEAD.
See? I told you you should have watched the show.
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