Thunk!

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Ned wakes up in bed and discovers that he's the Hand of the King again. And King Robert's going hunting, so Ned has to stand in as king for a bit. Gregor "The Mountain" Clegane has been out burninating the countryside, so Ned sentences him to death and also orders his master, Tywin Lannister, to report to King's Landing. If that doesn't make peace between the Starks and the Lannisters, nothing will!

Meanwhile, speaking of Lannisters and Starks, Tyrion has a plan for getting out of the Eyrie. It involves promising his guard a large sum of money to get a message to Lady Arryn, but first he has to explain several basic concepts. He eventually gets it across and is permitted to leave his Sky Cell and appear before the court. He insists on a trial, which takes the form of his favorite scruffy mercenary killing one of Lady Arryn's knights. Tyrion leaves with a bit of a swagger, although he has to leave his coinpurse with the guard.

Up at Winterfell, Bran gets to ride a horse for the first time since he was pushed out of the window. He immediately rides out of sight and gets accosted by three people who are either wildlings, deserters from the nightswatch, or refugees from a community production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. Two of them get killed, and the last remaining one is a lady who promises to be a good servant if she gets to live. Everybody wins! Also, Ros (who I've been calling "Rose") leaves Winterfell for King's Landing, leaving Theon Greyjoy bereft of female companionship.

Finally, and most awesomely, Viserys is getting more and more drunk and making a bigger and bigger nuisance of himself among the Dothraki. This culminates in him waving a sword around in their sacred city and threatening to stab Daenerys right in her pregnant belly if he doesn't get his golden crown. So Khal Drogo melts down his gold-medallion belt and pours it over Viserys's head. He makes a very satisfying clank as his dead body topples to the ground.

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The thing about recapping HBO shows, aside from the fact that they're usually pretty good and thus don't allow for as much of the vicious mockery that you can unleash on, say, a The Event, is that they don't have commercials. A recapper doesn't get a break. A one-hour show on a broadcast network has like 45 minutes of actual content. HBO shows are packed. And on this show, I even have to pay attention to the opening credits. The credits! For the record, this episode has King's Landing, the Eyrie, Winterfell, the Wall, and Vaes Dothrak. There's an awful lot of land to the north of the Wall. Could be a whole continent. It's probably all covered in snow, but you never know. It could be populated by abominable snowmen or something. That would be a great plot twist in a later book: suddenly, Westeros has a yeti invasion!

Lord Stark, looking kind of sweaty, wakes up. Well, that's not so bad. It can sometimes be nice to wake up kind of sweaty. And he's in a bed, which is also all right. Cersei is looking down at him, which is probably bad, but so is Robert. Which could also be bad, actually. Ned tries to apologize for not being able to rise, but nobody else is in the mood for formalities. Cersei is specifically angry about Catelyn kidnapping Tyrion, especially when Ned claims that it was at his order. Nobody actually believes him when he says this, but it means he's not taking the opportunity to hang his wife out to dry.

Ned now feels he has ground for complaint as well, what with Jaime Lannister killing his men and all. He doesn't bring up the Lannisters allegedly killing Jon Arryn or Tyrion's apparent involvement in the (second) attempt on Bran's life. Robert decides to broker a truce between Ned and Cersei, but his idea of a compromise is telling Ned to make his wife free Tyrion, and also telling Ned not to seek revenge against Jaime. Cersei interjects that Jaime didn't even attack Ned; Ned obviously staggered out of a whorehouse, blind drunk, and attacked Jaime and his men. Robert ignores this story, and Cersei gets angry at him for not being sufficiently bloodthirsty. She tells him that she should wear armor and he should wear the gown, so Robert smacks her across the face, generating another few hundred posts for the "Is Game of Thrones Misogynist?" thread. She claims that she'll wear the giant red mark on her face as a badge of honor, and Robert says that if she doesn't wear it in silence, he'll honor her again. You can tell this show is fantasy, because even when people are apocalyptically angry at each other, they still have clever things to say.

Cersei leaves with as much grace as she can manage, which is actually kind of a lot. Robert relaxes a bit and says that he regrets his act, which he considers unkingly. Ned predicts a war, and Robert tells him to send a damn raven to the Eyrie already and get Tyrion freed. Ned would like something done about Jaime Lannister, but Robert is too much in debt to the Lannisters to risk angering them. He says that he can't rule the kingdom if the Starks and the Lannisters are at war. I don't know why not. I mean, I can see why he needs the Lannisters happy, but weren't the Starks tucked away in the north, not bothering anyone? Ned wants to return to Winterfell, which I personally think would be the best plan for everyone. But no, Robert wants Ned to stay at King's Landing. He says that he never loved his real brothers, because Ned was the brother he chose.

And that's about all the time Robert has for this discussion, apparently, because he has to go out hunting. But once he's killed a few things and gotten all bloody, his head will be cleared and everything will be all right forever. He tosses the Badge of the Hand (not to be confused with the movie Band of the Hand, which hardly anybody has heard of, so I probably shouldn't have brought it up) and says that Ned's going to sit on the throne while he's out. And if Ned ever takes off the badge again, Robert's going to make Jaime the Hand. One final order of business: Robert's still determined to kill the Targaryen girl. Ned looks unhappy, but he doesn't argue. And to be fair, he looks unhappy a lot of the time.

Speaking of the Targaryen girl, here's Daenerys! That's a professional segue right there. She's got a brazier full of hot coals, such as one might bring to a tailgate barbecue sort of event. She picks up one of her dragon eggs and carefully sets it in the middle of the coals. Then she lifts it up again. Her handmaiden comes in and gasps to see her picking up something so obviously hot. She rushes over to take the egg, but it's too hot and she drops it. We see that the handmaiden's hands are all red and burnt, but Daenerys's hands are still white and pure. So that's kind of interesting. Either Daenerys has some kind of immunity to heat or the handmaiden is particularly vulnerable to it. I mean, I know which one sounds like it's more likely for the plot, but I think it would be more fun if it just turned out that Dothraki handmaidens were really flammable.

We're back in that dream where Bran is practicing archery and is interrupted by a three-eyed raven. He follows it down a tunnel (you don't have to be Fellini to figure that one out!) and then wakes up. A tallish man enters the bedchamber with that saddle that Tyrion sketched out.

In the non-dream world (well, probably) Bran rides his horse with delight. Whee! Horsey rides! He's going in a big circle while Robb and Theon chat in the middle of the Godswood. Or it might just be a regular wood. It's kind of foresty, though. I'm pretty sure of that. Theon thinks that Robb should be raising an army on account of what happened to Jory. It's time for some war! Robb gets a little annoyed at how free Robb is with House Stark troops and tells him that it's not his House. They both notice that Bran has ridden out of sight. When Robb asks if Theon knows where Bran's gotten to, Theon smiles and says, "Don't know. Not my house!" Man, that came back to bite Robb really quickly, didn't it?

Bran rides his horse over a river and through some woods. I can only assume he's going to his grandmother's house. Boom! That right there? That thing you just read? It was a seamless reference to a Christmas carol. That was beautiful. Just like the forest Bran's riding through. The only problem is that there are three thugs in tattered clothing creeping after him. His horse is grabbed by the lady thug, who has theatrically crazy hair. She might as well be Helena Bonham Carter with hair like that. She has kind of a Nymphadora Tonks quality, too, if you know what I mean. The other two thugs are the usual brand of bearded miscreant. They observe Bran's nice silver pin, although they're equally interested in the horse itself. Bran says he can't just hop off it, and they notice that his legs are strapped to the saddle itself. In the process of cutting through the straps, one of the thugs cuts into Bran's leg, but he doesn't seem to feel it. If you like, you can pretend there's a parallel to Daenerys not feeling the heat from the dragon egg, but I think that's just a coincidence. They call him a cripple, and Bran tells them that he's Brandon Stark of House Stark and so on like that. He's trying that same imperious voice that Arya used on the guards at King's Landing, but it doesn't work as well. Castle guards are trained to respond to orders in a way that forest-based rogues aren't, I guess. Plus, it's hard to be impressed by him after he's been cut free of the horse and is lying on the ground.

They're kind of interested in who he is, but mostly because they can't decide who would be most interested in paying a ransom for him. They mention Benjen Stark and Mance Rayder as possibilities. Before they can form any real concrete plans, Robb shows up and tells them that if they let Bran go, he'll let them live. The thug with an axe runs directly at Robb and gets killed immediately. Okay, good safety note: don't run directly at Robb when he has a sword out.

Robb gets hold of the woman, but the other thug has a knife to Bran's throat. He makes Robb drop his sword. Then there's a WHOOSH and that thug has been transfixed by an arrow through his chest. Thanks, Theon! Bran claims to be all right, although that left wound he can't feel looks pretty nasty. Robb is angry at Theon for shooting that thug, because what if he's hit Bran? Theon dismisses that possibility and says that if he hadn't done something, the thug would have cut Bran's throat and killed Robb. He's probably right, too. The lady-thug begs for her life and promises to be a good and faithful servant if Robb won't kill her. He accepts!

Yikes! Tyrion rolls over in his sleep, but he's still in that cell that opens up into the cliff face, so his arm is dangling down over oblivion. He wakes up with a start and goes in as far from the ledge as he can get. It's not that far. He pounds on the door and shouts for his guard. It's the same guard as before, still ostentatiously stereotypical in his prison-guard-ness. You know the sort. Fat. Bald. Might have a pet Rancor. Tyrion asks the guard how he'd like to be rich, but the guard points out that Tyrion doesn't appear to have any gold in his pockets. Tyrion downshifts a bit and says that he doesn't have the money on him. The guard has not yet achieved Object Permanence and tells him to fuck off. Nice try, Tyrion.

Syrio tosses a sword to Arya, who catches it. See? She's clearly improved since her first lesson. Now as long as she only fights people who initiate combat by tossing swords to their enemies, she'll do just fine. She's a little whiny and doesn't want to practice today, because Jory is dead and her father is hurt. Syrio thinks that this makes it the perfect time to practice, because that's how personal trainers think. They're not big on excuses. His theory is that most swordfights take place when you're having some kind of personal issue going on. You're rarely going to be in a calm, centered place when some burly galoot is trying to kill you with a sword. And given that, it makes sense to get in some fencing practice while your life is collapsing around you. I guess. So they spar for a bit. Syrio's fighting style involves a lot of whirling around. Arya admits that she prays, and Syrio answers, "There is only one god and his name is death And there is only one thing we say to death. Not today." Very inspirational. They continue to fight.

Daenerys's face is all smeared with blood and she's chomping down on what appears to be an enormous heart. A horse heart, of course, because that's the kind of hearts the Dothraki tend to have lying around. She's on a platform in the middle of a large tent while everyone stands around the perimeter. This is what passes for entertainment around here? Viserys thinks she's going to throw it back up. Man, you'd think I'd be free of the eating challenges when I'm not recapping a reality show. All the people watching are chanting at her. I don't know what they're saying, but I assume it's Dothraki for "EAT! EAT! EAT! EAT!" As she chews into it and gets even bloodier, she stares into Khal Drogo's eyes. One lady is singing something, which Jorah translates for Viserys as beginning, "The prince is riding. I have heard the thunder of his hooves." Viserys is starting to get nervous about all this adulation his sister and unborn nephew are getting and he sulkily says that the kid won't be a real Targaryen: "He won't be a real Dragon."

Daenerys finishes her heart and drops to all fours. The chanting stops while everyone waits to see if she's going to vomit the heart back up. She doesn't, which is good. I'm just thinking about it from the standpoint of potential grossness. I'm not entirely up for the prospect of watching fountains of bloody vomit, you know? Now the song is about the Stallion who Mounts the World, which is a pretty fancy title to give a kid who hasn't even been born yet. Daenerys announces that the child's name will be "Rhaego," which I guess I should point out is a combination of Rhaegar and Drogo. The crows starts chanting, "Rhaego! Rhaego!" Viserys realizes that the Dothraki love Daenerys. They do! And that's at least partially because she looks great with blood smeared all over her face. Jorah muses, "She truly is a queen today." But when he looks around, Viserys has left the tent. He pulled that move where you run away the moment someone turns away. Batman is always doing that.

We're still with Viserys as he opens the box that holds Daenerys's eggs. Her dragon eggs, I mean. Although I guess there's some symbolism going on here, too. He puts one of the eggs in his bag and Jorah enters the tent behind him. Viserys is wearing a sword, which I didn't notice until Jorah reminds him that wearing a sword is forbidden in Vaes Dothrak. Viserys takes all three of the eggs, explaining that the first one is for a ship, the second one is for an army, and the third one is for a really, really big army. These eggs are pretty valuable, then. I believe that's the message we're supposed to take from this. Viserys whines about how he's the last heir of a mighty bloodline but no one's ever loved him the way the Dothraki love Daenerys. Jorah does not agree with Viserys that he has a right to take things from Daenerys, so he stands in the way of Viserys leaving the tent. Viserys offers to let Jorah have Daenerys, but that doesn't work. Viserys tries to appeal to Jorah's loyalty, but Jorah, of course, is no longer loyal to Viserys. Like anyone would be. Viserys drops the eggs and leaves in a snit.

Tyrion shouts for his guard again. He might be calling him "Mort." Let's assume that he is, because the guard does have kind of a "Mort" quality to him. Mort comes out and this time Tyrion takes the time to explain that possession is an abstract concept. Even though he doesn't currently have his purse, that doesn't mean that he doesn't "have" one. That doesn't work, so he tries Mort out on proverbs. There's a phrase, "Rich as a Lannister," and Tyrion carefully walks Mort through the steps by which he, Tyrion Lannister, son of Tywin Lannister, is one of the Lannisters that people are said to be "rich as." All he wants is for Mort to carry a message to Lady Arryn. And Lannisters, as we have been told a million times, always pay their debts. Mort is willing to listen to the message, which I think Tyrion should keep extremely short. "Tell her I wish to confess my crimes."

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Lysa Arryn is a little skeptical as she looks down at Tyrion from her fancy throne. It looks like her throne is made out of a tree. Not like "chopped down and turned into wood" but "carefully grown in sort of a throne shape." Between this and the Iron Throne, I'm starting to wonder if anyone in this world has a throne that's just a comfy place to sit. Hers does have a place for Robyn to sit to her, because God forbid he ever be more than two feet away from her.

She's smug about how the "sky cells" break everybody. So Tyrion launches into a long list of his crimes, which include lying, cheating, gambling, and whoring. He has an anecdote about a servant girl's bouncy breasts. Then he launches into a story that contains the following euphemisms for masturbation: "milking the eel," "flogging the one-eyed snake," "skinning the sausage," and "making the bald man cry." All of which he did into some turtle stew, which Cersei then ate. He then launches into a story about bringing a jackass into a brothel, but Lysa cuts him off. Robyn would like to hear the rest of the story (because it was probably going to be pretty entertaining), but that is not to be. The only other person who seemed to be enjoying Tyrion's stories was Bronn, the sellsword who helped Catelyn drag Tyrion here. I mostly mention that because I looked up his name and want to start calling him "Bronn" right away.

Lysa reminds Tyrion that the crimes she's interested in are the murder of Jon Arryn and the attempted murder of Bran Stark. Tyrion says he didn't do either of those things, and then orates about justice and getting a fair trial. Lysa thinks a trial sounds delightful, because if Tyrion's found guilty, he gets the Moon Door, which is a big hole in the floor that reveals that there's nothing underneath the throne room. It just drops straight down thousands of feet. I'm not sure it's a good idea to have one of those in the middle of the floor like that. Anyway, Lysa figures that since Robyn's the one who's going to deliver the verdict, the trial will be pretty short. But Tyrion has a twist for her! He wants a trial by combat. Which is something they apparently have here. Lysa is immediately inundated by armored gentlemen who just can't wait to kill Tyrion for her. Robyn shouts, "MAKE THE BAD MAN FLY!" but I'm not convinced that he hates Tyrion so much as he just likes seeing people dropped through the Moon Door. She picks a knight who was almost the only one in the room who wasn't waving his hand yelling "Me! Pick me! I wanna do it!" The knight points out that there isn't a great deal of glory in killing someone half his size, but that's okay. Because Tyrion would also like a champion to fight for him. Specifically, his brother Jaime, who can probably be here in a week or so. This proposal is rejected by Lysa, who says that the trial has to be today. Oh, right, Tyrion's been stuck in the Sky Cell for untold weeks, but now we're on a schedule? Tyrion asks the room if there's a volunteer to fight for him. Everyone laughs. But then Bronn steps forward, saying, "I'll fight for the dwarf."

Robert trudges through the forest carrying a lance. This is what hunting looks like? He's accompanied by Renly and Selmy, thus challenging everyone's ability to tell the difference between people with very similar names. Selmy is the old one and Renly is Robert's younger brother who had that chest-shaving scene with the Knight of the Flowers last week. Lancel Lannister is also along, but he's not an official hunter. I think he's basically Robert's caddy. Robert wants to talk about sex with Riverland girls, which, to his disappointment, Renly has not done. Apparently, back in Robert's disreputable youth, the thing to do was to have a girl from each of the seven kingdoms, plus the Riverlands. It was called "Making the Eight." Renly has not made the eight. Neither has Selmy. There's no point asking Lancel. Robert goes on about the good old days and Renly takes offense. Apparently these "good old days" were when Westeros was at war with itself and had a Mad King and there were dragons everywhere. Renly stomps off into the forest, leaving Robert in a rage. Lancel scurries up and gives Robert more wine. Selmy eyes Lancel.

Ned sits on the Iron Throne, ready to dispense some justice in the king's name. He's flanked by Littlefinger and Pycelle, who are in slightly lower chairs that look a lot more comfortable. The first issue is that someone has been burning fields, homes, and granaries in the Riverlands. Oh no! Not the granaries! Also, they covered children in pitch and lit them on fire. I guess Riverlands children aren't flammable enough to ignite on their own. Anyway, the mysterious marauders weren't thieves, because they didn't take anything. In fact, they left something behind: a big pile of fish. The complainants have brought the fish to the court, which I'm not sure was strictly necessary. How far are the Riverlands from King's Landing? If it's more than a day or so, carrying around a load of fish probably smelled a lot. Littlefinger leans back and says, "Fish. The sigil of House Tully. Isn't that your wife's house? Tully? My Lord Hand?" It seems like Littlefinger is probably more sure than he sounds, since he's still in love with Catelyn.

Ned asks some more questions and establishes that the baddies weren't waving a giant banner, which would have been awfully obliging of them. However, one of them was extremely tall and cut the blacksmith in two. He also decapitated a horse, so it's obviously Gregor "The Mountain" Clegane. Littlefinger leans back and reminds Ned that the Mountain is sometimes called "Tywin Lannister's mad dog." He asks, "Can you think of any reason the Lannisters might have for being angry with your wife?" Ned glares at him and decides it's time to make a pronouncement. He calls forward a lord to assemble a hundred men and ride to Ser Gregor's keep. The Mountain is stripped of his title (by which he means "Ser," not "The Mountain," presumably. Because "The Mountain" isn't a name you can strip from someone) and sentenced to death.

Pycelle thinks this is hasty, what with the actual king being out of town. Ned also wants a raven sent to Casterly Rock to notify Tywin Lannister that he must come to King's Landing and answer for the Mountain's crimes. Or else he'll be branded a traitor. So I guess that truce between the Starks and the Lannisters isn't going to come off exactly as Robert was hoping.

That's the end of court, and Littlefinger has a brief confab with Ned. He thinks Ned's being both bold and admirable, but possibly not wise. Ah! I learned this from Yes, Minister: if you want a politician not to do something, you tell him he's being very brave. But Ned's not a politician. Littlefinger tells him, "Gold wins wars. Not soldiers." Ned points out that Robert is king, not Tywin. So that means he has confidence in Robert's ways of doing things? Because I'm not sure "The Seven Management Secrets of Robert Baratheon" would contain much except drinkin', whorin', and killin'. And that leaves you missing four management secrets.

The Moon Door is staying open for Tyrion's trial. And that trial is taking the form of him standing there and watching Bronn fight against Lysa's handpicked knight. Robyn initiates the festivities by screaming, "FIIIIIIIIGHT!" The knight is armored and has a helmet and a shield. Bronn is dressed much more lightly. The knight chases after Bronn, who backs away, hopping over railings and knocking things over. Onlookers are getting impatient with this plan. Especially when Bronn throws an onlooker in the way of the knight. At one point, Bronn is backed up against the Moon Door, but he escapes for another trip around the room. Lysa tells the knight to quit screwing around and finish Bronn off. The knight rolls his eyes a tiny bit and lowers the visor of his helmet. He goes in for the kill, but Bronn slices him up the torso. The knight gets to his feet and charges, but Bronn steps aside and trips him. He kicks away that shield and grabs the knight's hand. He takes a moment to look around at the assemb

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led masses, then lifts his sword. He goes for another dramatic pause, then carefully inserts it into the knight's neck. There is lot of blood. And then Bronn kicks the knight's body into the hole and he falls into the sky. So long, knight!

Tyrion and Bronn share a nod. Robyn has apparently not been paying attention, because he wants to know if it's over. Unless that knight flies back up through the Moon Door, I'm pretty sure Bronn won. Lysa informs Bronn that he doesn't fight with honor. Bronn cheerfully agrees and, indicating the Moon Door, says, "He did." Robyn still wants to make Tyrion fly, but that's not on anymore. Tyrion glares at Sideburns until he gives Tyrion his purse back (which does require a nod from Catelyn) and he and Bronn head for the door. Not the Moon Door; the regular one. Tyrion tosses his purse to Mort, saying, "A Lannister always pays his debts." When you think about it, the Lannisters must be in the habit of running up a lot of debt if they're known for paying them all. I mean, if they just paid cash for everything, no one would know what would happen to a debt. But they're incredibly rich. So maybe they just go around Wimpy-ing it up all the time, offering to pay on Tuesday for hamburgers acquired today, just so they can make a big deal out of paying for their hamburgers on Tuesday. It's kind of like running up your credit rating.

Sansa is embroidering mopily. Um. That means she is mopey and is embroidering. I did not mean to imply that "mopily" is an old-timey thing that requires embroidering. Septa Mordane (that's the old lady who watches her and Arya and tries to get them to behave) comments that Sansa's hair is now being kept in the Southern fashion. Sansa says that's because she's in the South now, but Mordane wants Sansa to remember where she's from. That's the sort of thing that's important, apparently. Sansa observes that Mordane's hair is always covered. And where does Mordane even come from, anyway? Mordane starts to answer, but Sansa interrupts, "Oh, wait. I just realized. I don't care." She's a very convincing snotty teenager, isn't she? Septa Mordane firmly informs Sansa that she's being rude.

Just then! Prince Joffrey enters. He tells Sansa he's behaved monstrously and offers her an apology necklace. She's completely charmed by this, because it's slightly shiny and that's all it takes. He asks forgiveness for his rudeness, and she says there's nothing to forgive. Joffrey promises he'll never disrespect her or be cruel to her again. The backlighting here is straight out of the last shot of The Princess Bride, which is how Sansa is currently imagining herself.

Theon Greyjoy is out riding on a random trail when he sees Ros on the back of a cart. She's going to King's Landing because she's heard that Jaime and Ned are fighting. I understand how that could mean that Winterfell would be a bad place to be, but won't King's Landing also be a war zone? Theon wants her to stay, but it's not like he's going to turn her into Lady Greyjoy or anything crazy like that. The cart continues down the road and Theon is sad. He tosses her a coin for one last flash of her crotch. HBO!

Ned tells his girls he's sending them home to Winterfell. See, he understands that King's Landing is about to be a dangerous place. But he thinks Winterfell will be safe? I disagree with both him and Ros; I think the safest place to be is someplace without one of those giant castles. They just attract armies. Sansa wails about leaving Joffrey, her one true love and Arya asks if Ned's leg is going to kill him. Then she asks to bring Syrio back to Winterfell. Sansa thinks that's stupid because she thinks Syrio really is just a dancing instructor. Then she goes back to wailing about Joffrey: "I love him and I'm meant to be with him and have his babies." Ned says he'll find her a better match, someone who's brave and gentle and strong. She walks right into it: "I don't want someone brave and gentle and strong. I want him!" She vows to give him lots of babies with yellow hair. Ned thinks for a bit and tells the girls to go get their things. They leave. Ned opens up that ponderous tome again and studies the Lineages and Histories of the Seven Kingdoms. He turns to the Baratheon page. "Orris Baratheon, black of hair. Axl Baratheon, black of hair." Also black of hair: Lionel, Stefon, and Robert. Then he gets to Joffrey Baratheon, who is golden-haired. There it is.

Dothrak party! Drums! Dancing! Drunken, sword-wearing Viserys! Oh, that seems like a problem. Daenerys tells Jorah to stop him. Viserys refers to the evening as "The whore's feast" and tells Jorah that no one touches the Dragon. That's probably part of his problem. He claims to have been raised to be a king, but he must have been pretty young when he and Dany took it on the lam. Drogo and his men laugh at Viserys. He wants to join the party and does not take kindly to being told that there's a place for him in the darkened back of the tent. Drogo tells him, "You are no king." Viserys pulls out his sword and the mood of the party changes. Jorah tells him to put the sword down before the Dothraki kill all of them. Viserys mocks this, saying, "They can't shed blood in their sacred city. But I can." He puts the tip of the sword on Daenerys's belly, because he has no idea how to behave in civilized company. He insists that he wants the crown he was promised and tells Dany, "He bought you. But he never paid for you." He says that he's going to take Daenerys away, but he's willing to leave the baby. Specifically, he offers to cut the baby out of Dany and leave it on the ground. This is all being translated for Drogo.

Daenerys is looking at Viserys without blinking. Drogo says some ominous stuff. Daenerys translates, "He says yes. You shall have a golden crown that men shall tremble to behold." Viserys, taken aback a little, says that was all he wanted. He steps back. Drogo walks over and puts his hand on Daenerys's belly. Then two Dothraki grab Viserys and drag him away, breaking his arm. He bleats about how he can't be touched, being the Dragon and all. It doesn't stop the men who are holding him. Drogo puts his golden medallion belt in the cauldron. Daenerys won't look away. The belt melts, which I'm told would require a higher temperature than wood fires normally reach. Drogo says, "A crown for a king." Then he pours the molten gold all over Viserys's head. He falls, with a hilarious "Thunk!"

Daenerys looks at Viserys's dead boy with contempt. "He is no dragon. Fire cannot kill a dragon." END OF EPISODE! Man, that was awesome.

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