By Montykins
Ned wakes up in bed and discovers that he's the Hand of the King again. And King Robert's going hunting, so Ned has to stand in as king for a bit. Gregor "The Mountain" Clegane has been out burninating the countryside, so Ned sentences him to death and also orders his master, Tywin Lannister, to report to King's Landing. If that doesn't make peace between the Starks and the Lannisters, nothing will!
Meanwhile, speaking of Lannisters and Starks, Tyrion has a plan for getting out of the Eyrie. It involves promising his guard a large sum of money to get a message to Lady Arryn, but first he has to explain several basic concepts. He eventually gets it across and is permitted to leave his Sky Cell and appear before the court. He insists on a trial, which takes the form of his favorite scruffy mercenary killing one of Lady Arryn's knights. Tyrion leaves with a bit of a swagger, although he has to leave his coinpurse with the guard.
Up at Winterfell, Bran gets to ride a horse for the first time since he was pushed out of the window. He immediately rides out of sight and gets accosted by three people who are either wildlings, deserters from the nightswatch, or refugees from a community production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. Two of them get killed, and the last remaining one is a lady who promises to be a good servant if she gets to live. Everybody wins! Also, Ros (who I've been calling "Rose") leaves Winterfell for King's Landing, leaving Theon Greyjoy bereft of female companionship.
Finally, and most awesomely, Viserys is getting more and more drunk and making a bigger and bigger nuisance of himself among the Dothraki. This culminates in him waving a sword around in their sacred city and threatening to stab Daenerys right in her pregnant belly if he doesn't get his golden crown. So Khal Drogo melts down his gold-medallion belt and pours it over Viserys's head. He makes a very satisfying clank as his dead body topples to the ground.