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Poor little Matt doesn't want to talk about anything. He doesn't want to talk about Carlotta, he doesn't want to talk about fine art, he doesn't want to talk about the Panthers' State prospects now that Smash is suspended. The only thing he does want to do is call his art teacher a bitch and show up to practice drunk. Oh, and also get lap dances at The Landing Strip. And show up drunk to the emergency room to pick up his hurt Grandma. Coach literally throws Matt in a cold shower to wake him up, only to get woken up himself as Matt sobs that everyone in his life leaves him. Jean makes her move on Landry, asking Tyra first if it's cool. Tyra can smell the nerd on her and decides to mark her territory, telling Landry that she wants to try to make it work with him. Landry, at first, tells her that she can't just expect him to drop everything and go back to her. And then he drops everything and goes back to her. Jean is not so pleased with this turn of events. And just when you thought Julie couldn't find one more thing in the universe to pout about...she does. She's jealous of Tami's new relationship with Tyra, and angry that Tami forgot to meet her at the DMV. Tami makes it up to her: Julie gets her license, and then starts looking for something else to complain about. Smash's scholarship to TMU is revoked because of his involvement in the Convenient Racism Plot, which seems like a harsh punishment for a kid who just got involved with a lame premise. But at the end of the episode, he gives a rousing pep talk to his demoralized team as they head out to play a game, the first of which has actually seemed to matter this season. His teammates leave him in the locker room, alone, and he breaks down into sobs and it's really awful to watch and I guess if Convenient Racism was the only way they could figure to get Gaius Charles to this place, then I'll live with it. Finally: HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS DID YOU SEE THE PREVIEWS FOR WEEK? Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Matt is scrambling up some eggs for Grandma, who calls in from the TV room to remind him not to burn her sausages: "You know I like my Jimmy Deans tender." I love it when Grandma Saracen talks dirty. Matt tells her he's making her eggs and she says that she wants French toast: "Carlotta says Tuesdays are French Toast Tuesdays." Matt reminds her that Car-LOW-ta isn't here anymore and then sends a bunch of pots clanging to the floor. Exasperated, he plates up her eggs, and she gasps when she sees he cut her toast into triangles like she likes. As a person who can't eat her meal unless it is artfully arranged on the plate, I'm taken by Grandma's (infuriating and, in her case, sadly infantile) pleasures. Matt sets the plate down in front of her and she tells him to just wait until Carlotta comes back. Matt, cleaning up the mess he made, snaps that she's not going to come back. He sulks toward his room when Grandma asks him, a bit plaintively, "Matthew? Why did she leave?" Matt doesn't know, picking up his State Championship ring from his dresser and looking at it with a sigh. Grandma, in the background, mutters about how they'll be okay without her. Matt, walking out the door to school and somewhat on auto-pilot, says, "I love you," and then tells her to be good. She chuckles as he leaves and says she'll try, and then gets back to her eggs and TV. Oh, that was a beautiful scene.
Coach is following Julie around as she gets ready for school, quizzing her on various driver's education things. She's giving him a hard time, answering with sass and requesting that he not ever get in the car with her. He gives it right back to her, telling her that if she doesn't take this seriously, she'll be waving at him from a little window in the back of a yellow school bus. Heh. Julie snaps to it and answers his questions correctly. He moves on: "And what is the state's legal alcohol level?" "Point-oh-eight, Dad." Wrong! Coach points at her, saying that's the limit for those over twenty-one; for her, the limit is zero and she's never driving if he ever catches her with alcohol in a car. Tami, who's been drifting about in the background looking for her volleyball shoes (?), pipes up and tells her husband to back off. "In fact, I'm gonna take her for her driver's test." Coach says fine, if he's fired, he'll be in the bathroom. Which, with the big mug of coffee in his hand, just says "family."
Matt drives to school in his old beater that Gidget convinced him to buy. He turns on the radio and Slammin' Sammy exposits that it is official, Smash Williams is suspended. As he goes on with various useless sports statistics (no state-champion team has ever not made the playoffs the following year), a warning light goes on in Matt's car, the engine starts smoking, and some kind of belt starts squealing. Matt bangs on the dashboard but somehow, that doesn't help. He pulls over to the side of the road, opens the hood and watches the steam of failure and heartbreak pour forth. He bangs it shut, punches it a few times, and walks off.
Credits. All the football players are gathered together waiting for some sort of meeting. The Galoot jaws on about how they'll never get to the playoffs without Smash. Tim snaps at him, saying that the whining doesn't help. Some random dude turns to Smash and sarcastically thanks him for what he's done. Smash starts to defend himself when Matt jumps in to say "shut up." Then Smash starts to thank him, but then Matt goes off on Smash, telling him to shut up, too; he doesn't need to always talk. Coach comes in and starts it off. He tells them matter-of-factly that Smash is suspended, and then tells them this is a test of how they'll stand up to adversity. Matt Saracen is performing some seriously gymnastic eye-rolls during all this. Coach continues, something about riding assets to the playoffs. He says that their success will begin with the team captains, and then fixes his glance on Matt: "What the hell happened to you?" Matt has some grease smudges on his face, but more importantly, he looks miserable. Coach tells him that he looks like hell and then turns his attention back to telling the boys how to win on Friday.
Art class. Dillon High has a surprisingly swank art classroom. My old high school -- some sort of Blue-Chip Fancy Show-The-Computer-Labs-Off-To-The-Senators type -- basically had an itinerant lady in bad ikat prints pushing a cart of craft paper down the hallway. The art teacher wants to discuss the still-life drawings displayed at the front of the room. She calls on Matt, telling him he can comment on his own drawing or someone else's. Matt just sullenly says that they're okay. She pushes him to analyze the composition and accuracy of the drawings. He just repeats, "They're all okay." She tries again, saying that art is more than just the work; you have to be able to discuss why things are successful or not. She asks if he thinks he was successful in his drawing. He pouts a yes. She asks why, and he says, "Because I can tell it's a vase and I can tell that there's flowers in it." The teacher gives up and says she wants him to work harder on his critiques in the future. She turns away from him and he mutters, "Bitch." Other students exclaim quietly and she whips back around, asking him what he sad. Matt sits up in his chair and says that his critique is that they're drawing a bunch of sad, stupid pictures of sad, stupid flowers. "Oh, and I said 'bitch.'"
Hallway. Landry spots Matt and tells him that they've got Spanish class in diez minutos. Matt doesn't even turn around and just keeps marching out the door, saying "screw it." Landry watches him go.
Over near the gym, a tiny ringer-tee-clad Jean inserts herself right in front of the six-foot-tall, wife-beater-wearing Tyra. It looks hilarious. Tyra sort of bobs and weaves, trying to get around the cute, tiny schlub, who just mirrors her movements and reminds her, "It's Jean!" Jean says she doesn't want this to be weird. Tyra doesn't get what she wants. Jean comes out and says it: "Are you a friend or are you competition?" The realization slowly comes across Tyra's face and she sort of fake laughs it off: "Oh my God, are you talking about Landry?" Jean says she likes him, but she's not blind; she sees the way he looks at Tyra. Tyra says that they're just friends and Jean replies, "Good. Cuz I'm telling you I like him." Tyra tells her that's great and then hightails it into practice, her brow sort of furrowed up in vulnerable confusion.
Football practice. Coach realizes Saracen isn't on the field and then exposits to Mac, "How's Lance doin' with that knee?" Mac tells him he's out for a while and then the exposition continues, Coach wondering how he did it, and Mac chuckling that he tripped over a curb. I wonder if the writers had plans for Landry's football arc before Jesse Plemons tore up his knee? Coach walks toward Smash, who we realize is the one who has been leading the team in their warm-up. Coach instructs Riggins to take over, and Smash quickly tries to excuse his presence, saying he knows he's suspended, but he just couldn't stand not suiting up. Coach tells him he appreciates it, but he needs to work the team without Smash. Smash leaves to go lift weights. Mac comes back on the field and tells Coach that Saracen isn't there. Landry told him that Matt is home, sick. Coach mutters to himself, "Landry, Saracen, Smash," and then calls his team over, telling them that Brooks and Weston are in for Smash and Saracen. The boys form up while Buddy vultures down on Coach: "Brooks in for Smash? Brooks for Smash?" Coach waves him off with one super-annoyed flick of the wrist.
After practice, Landry limps out into the parking lot. Jean runs up to him and tells him that she found the mother lode: Mystery Science Theater 3000 videos on YouTube. There's like fifty of them! She giggles very cutely, and Landry teases that she shouldn't be messing with him like that. She reaches out and sort of straightens his collar very sweetly. He laughs and wonders if they should stretch the experience out. Jean says they have to watch them one after the other, in some sort of order, whatever kind of order, alphabetical, length, whatever. Meanwhile, Tyra has walked up to her truck and thrown her volleyball gear in the bed. The camera swings around and shows us the giggle pair, Landry and Jean, from her perspective, then back around to Landry and Jean, showing us the displeasure on her face.
The Taylors'. Tami is talking some other kind of language, something about backslides and setting it up high and inside. I barely have a handle on the football words; please don't make me learn volleyball ones, too. Tyra tells Tami not to say she heard it from her, but the girl Tami's complaining about -- Katherine -- isn't going to ever set Megan up. She explains that it's because Megan has started dating Katherine's ex, Jimbo. Julie, meanwhile, has been sort of lurking in the background and blurts out, "Well, dinner was really good!" Tami thanks her. The girls continue milling about in the kitchen helping clean up, and Tyra asks if she can ask "Mrs. T." a question. Tami replies, "I pity the fool who doesn't!" (And yes, I've been saving up that Mrs. T. joke for a while.) She asks if she's crazy for feeling jealous of another girl liking Landry Clarke. Tami stutters -- "Landry? Lance Landry Clarke?" Julie is moping around in the background, like Tyra's little depressive daemon. Tami is clearly taken aback by the prospect of Tyra and Landry in the same room together. She asks if Tyra likes Landry, and Tyra evades the question, just saying that this girl Jean asked her permission and she doesn't know why it's affecting her so much. Tami just "mmm hmmm"s and then launches into a story, saying she had her own Landry back in the day; his name was Scott Hunter and he was real nerdy. Julie pipes up, telling her mom that Tyra doesn't need to hear this, but Tami keeps plowing right along. Cut over to Eric, sitting in the living room craning his neck back and clearly understanding in one glance what's going on with Julie. Which is nice and all, but I'd rather have my husband in the kitchen helping with the dishes than sitting off to the side looking on all wise and shit.
Tami keeps telling her story, saying that it felt good to have a nerd like her so much -- sing it, sister! -- so she let it go on for a while, but then realized that it wasn't fair, that the kind thing to do would be to let him go. This is so totally not Tyra's situation, but I love that Tami (and the world) would assume as much. Eric calls in from in front of the TV that what Tami's trying to say is that good guys always finish last. Tami, in her sweet, insincere sing-song, says that's not what she's trying to say: "Cuz look at you, hunny, you finished first, didn't you?" They continue to banter, and Julie pipes up again, this time to ask Tyra if she wants to go do their pre-calc together. Tyra says that she has to get going. Julie looks hurt, and then more hurt when Tami really goes for it, telling Tyra how great she's doing in volleyball. Coach watches Julie watching her mom, like, totally not love her, waaaaah! It is odd to have these three females together, because Tyra and Tami seem so much more like peers, it's hard to keep the belief suspended about Tyra being in high school.
Tami and Coach drive along with little Gracie in the backseat, looking around with those wide eyes like somebody is pinching her toes real hard. Is someone pinching her toes real hard? Is that why they film in Texas, so they can pinch baby toes and get a look like that out of a baby? Tami small-talks that she and Eric should take a vacation, just the two of them, now that Gracie is getting a little older. This lady must be smoking something. That baby looks about as capable of getting along in life as Mike Huckabee. Coach reminds Tami that they've been talking about taking that vacation for sixteen years. They talk about volleyball, Tami waxing on about how nice it is to coach, how satisfying to have some teenaged girls actually listen to her for a change. Coach asks if she realizes that Julie is a little envious of the volleyball situation. Tami doesn't know what he's talking about, saying that Julie hates volleyball. Coach just tells her to keep in mind how sensitive Julie is, and Tami's voice goes a little deeper: "Please. Who knows how sensitive our dear daughter is more than me?" Such perfect delivery. Tami thinks Coach is crazy and that's the end of that conversation.
Bad-boy garage music. Saracen saunters toward some motorcycles, a sleek red number really catching his eye. The dealer approaches immediately, telling Matt that if he feels like grabbing the world by the berries and lighting it on fire, that's just the cycle for him. I don't get that metaphor. The world has balls? That you could literally grab? And then that you would then set on fire? Matt says the bike is out of his price range, but the perverted bike salesman keeps trying to force Matt to imagine the bike as some sort of abstractly sexualized object. Lots of talk about "feeding her right" and "never getting off." Perverto goes to get the keys so that he can come back and make some more insinuations about the area between Matt's legs (possibly utilizing the word "purr" in doing so) when Tim Riggins passes by in his truck. Matt realizes he's caught. Tim Riggins comments on Matt skipping school, Matt trying to be all hard-ass in saying that "yesterday just turned into today." Whatever, James Dean. I think you got confused when you were at the store buying your grandma's Jimmy Deans. Matt asks Tim what his deal is, and Tim answers (like the ultimate, authentic bad-ass he actually is), "Oh, I always skip Wednesdays." Hee. Matt asks what he's doing, and Tim snarks that he was thinking about hitting the museum (ha! like Dillon has one!), the library, then yoga. But "then again, I might just do the usz." Cue wacky guitars, and then Timmy: "Wanna go for a beer?"
Cut over to the bar, where Matt looks positively goofy with beer. He wonders how Tim knew they wouldn't get carded there. Tim says that Charlie is old school and then raises his mug in Charlie's direction. Charlie rolls his eyes in response. Matt giggles. Tim tells Matt that Coach was rattled at his absence yesterday, and then asks if he's going to practice today. Matt says he's not, that he's not done being dumped. Then he gets animated, saying that what was good about being dumped by Car-LOW-ta was that she just left a note on the pillow and left the country, "like the break-up fairy." Tim watches Matt chug the rest of his beer and then immediately refill from the pitcher. He snarks, "You want a funnel, or...?" Matt doesn't heed sarcasm when drunk, telling Tim that he wants to be more like him. Matt says that with Smash off the team, the season is over, but that Tim is fine. He's always even-keeled, he says. That's what Matt wants, to be "even keel. Always." Meanwhile, Tim has caught a glance of Lyla and The Nordic Breeze arriving at the bar for a chaste lunch. Uh oh, man overboard! But really, I just want to punch those two right in their crucifixes. Tim says, "Look at these two bible-thumpers. They come here for lunch every day. Isn't that sad?" He gets up to go over there and sully their auras with his presence. Lyla looks like she is being visited by Methuselah himself. Tim plants his feet and takes a swig of beer, and The Nordic Breeze asks if he can help him, and Tim introduces himself and then tells him that he's got great hair. Oh. My. Lord. Lyla hisses at him but he continues, telling Chris that he loved his sermon the other night. Chris, all bathed in the annoying light of the Lord, leans back and tells Tim he should come back any time. Tim turns his attention to Lyla and says she looks great, then tells them that they look great together. He announces that they've got a pitcher if they're interested. That dorky slip -- getting all barrel-chested over having a pitcher -- is like one of the only age-appropriate things Tim Riggins has ever done. From across the way, Matt raises his mug to them and says, "Shalom!" Tim mutters, "Bye, Garrity," turns on his heel, grabs Matt, and tells him they're going to practice. Matt says he can't and Tim sort of shouts, overly loud, for him to chug some water and eat corn nuts for the breath. Lyla looks like she's going to either cry or sing that annoying "This Little Light of Mine" song.
Tami looks like she could use the Lord right about now. She's in the car with Julie driving. Tami is super-nervous and way too narrate-y. She asks Julie if she wants to play on the volleyball team. Julie laughs, and Tami says she just wanted to check in about it. They are so totally not on the same wavelength. Julie makes a snarky comment about their uniforms, which Tami bristles at, so then Julie tries to temper her comments by saying that volleyball just isn't her thing. Tami nervously tells her that a red light is coming up and to ease into the stop, ease into the stop. Julie, of course, slams on the brakes, and they jerk to a halt. Tami just says, "Well, okay. We're gonna work on that. We're gonna work on that."
Football practice. Matt is drunkenly slurring plays in the huddle. They form up, and Matt gets grabby on The Galoot's backside. Now that's the kind of sentence I look forward to writing while recapping The Gauntlet III. Coach tells them to stop fucking around. They form back up, but Matt breaks away and starts calling another play. "Red! Do the Omaha thing! The red thing!" Tim tries to rein him in, but he keeps reeling about. When the ball finally gets snapped, it just hits Matt right in his doofus face. Coach calls him over, where Matt just grins goofily. Coach tells him to quit smiling; Matt tries to excuse himself, saying he's had a rough day and was just trying to have some fun. Coach looks at him with his Father-Figure Death Ray eyes and tells him to get it together and get back out there. Matt cowers in front of Kyle Chandler like a puppy and runs back out on the field. Mac leans over and asks Eric, "Do you smell that?" and Eric replies -- all flint and steel -- "No, I don't."
Landry might as well be talking to himself, at a table with Matt in the cafeteria. He's musing about how cool Jean is, how she's really like a "film scholar," while Matt rests his head on a crumpled-up sweatshirt cradled in the crook of his arm, listlessly picking at the food on his tray. Landry is trying to figure out if he should bring her Jean Wrath of Khan or Jaws. Matt doesn't think it matters, but Landry corrects him, declaring that this choice will determine whether Jean will "pass through those velvet ropes to becoming my girl." Landry notices that Matt looks like he's about to throw up and then starts lecturing him about dehydration. Smash comes and sits down with them. Matt rouses himself from the pounding of his own head to pound on Smash a little, responding to Smash's rhetorical "What's going on?" by whining that what's going on is that they are about to be the first team in the history of the world to win the state championship one year and not make the playoffs the . "All thanks to one Brian 'Smash' Williams." That is low, Matty. It's really the fault of the writes, blue-staters who just couldn't resist a calculated racism plot. Smash doesn't get mad, and tells Matt that it's up to him to get the team through to the playoffs. Landry pipes up to tell Smash that on top of it all, Matt ditched school to hang out with Tim Riggins. Smash furrows his brow and asks Matt if Tim is his new role model. Matt tells them both to shut up; his voice so gravelly with a hangover that my mouth turns to cotton in sympathy. Landry tells Matt that's he just doesn't want to see him turn into an at-risk youth. And with that, Matt gets up and leaves. Landry keeps talking and talking at him and we hear Matt say off-screen, "Oh my god, just stop talking." It is such a perfect interaction, one wonders why Matt and Landry didn't share the screen for like ten episodes this season. Once Matt is gone, Landry turns to Smash and asks him what he thinks, Wrath of Khan or Jaws? Smash, without a word, just picks up his tray and leaves.
Volleyball game. Tall girls + short-shorts = LOVE! There's not really much to say, except that Tami is on the sidelines yelling her volleyball words while Tyra is stalking the net, blocking like a mofo and then turning around to celebrate with her hapless teammates. Very cute. Last point, Tyra comes through with a block, the girls circle up and squeal and jump, and Tami tells them how proud she is of them: "I knew y'all could do it!" She invites them all to her house to celebrate. Cut over to the Taylors', where Tami slings ice cream sundaes while the girls play with Gracie and dance around. Tyra's looking at a photo album; Tami sits down to her on the couch as Tyra teases, "Mrs. T, you had a mullet." Tami grunts, "I pity the fool who doesn't appreciate a mullet!" (Not really.) They continue gabbing and laughing as Julie comes home, a total sourpuss. She pauses in the hallway, looking in on all the girls dancing and having a good time, and just yells out, "Thanks!" and then storms into her room. Tami follows her and steamrolls right into the middle of the tragedy, telling Julie that she knows that her coaching might be cutting into their time together, but they are going to have to learn to deal with the situation without Julie coming in and slamming around. Julie takes a breath and plays the card she's been holding onto with such delicious spite: "I'm sorry if I just believe a mom when she says she'll meet me at the DMV." Tami's face falls, and she just says she's sorry over and over. She bends down to hug Julie, who clearly isn't having it; when Tami pulls away, Julie just snarks about how she guesses she just needs to work on her jealousy issues. ["It's her manners want some working on." -- Sars]
Cut to Tami pulling into the parking lot of the DMV. Tami runs to the door, which a man has just locked behind him. He tells her, as he's about to get into his car, that they're closed. Tami says she's sure they're supposed to be open for ten more minutes and then starts begging. She tells the man that her daughter missed an appointment, and that it was totally her fault. The man is just trying to get away from her, saying he realizes that the situation is important but she'll just have to come back tomorrow. Tami pleads with him, saying that she's let her daughter down and if she doesn't redeem herself now, she might not get her to trust her again for a while. She asks the man if he has any kids, and the man relents. As any human being must when confronted by The Force. He says Julie can take the driving test today. Tami thanks him and bubbles, "Hey, do you like the Panthers?" The cranky old sweater vest says that he hates football, and Tami wisely decides to keep their affiliation to herself. Julie hops out of the car and tries to shake the man's hand, which he refuses. Those two details -- the man hating football, and taking his position as driving test administrator so seriously (no fraternizing with the candidates!) -- are so perfect, with two economical strokes building a history (Dillon High outcast, not too bright, settled into bureaucratic job with ease) for this minor character.
Cut to Julie cautiously leaving the parking lot with the instructor in the passenger seat, Tami standing on the curb holding Gracie, watching her go. Never has a receding economy sedan looked so tender and poignant. We really see the car through Tami's eyes, as she talks sweetly to Gracie: "There she goes, Gracie. Getting her driver's license." Then she brings a hand to her face to stifle the tears. So sweet.
Tyra and her mom (Angela "Broke Her Butt" Collette) hang out in their kitchen, Tyra doing laundry, Angela with tweezers and a compact exclaiming over the whiskers on her upper lip. Tyra tells her to just pay to get them waxed, and then awkwardly asks her mom (she calls her "Momma," which I love) if she ever competed with a girl over a guy. Angela is like, hunny, have you seen how abject I am in every moment of my life? Of course I have! "Oh, hunny, the question is, really, did I ever not compete with another girl over a guy." She tells her daughter that she likes the chase, she likes to win. She tells her that that sort of competition is in her blood. Tyra says she thinks it's all so stupid, and Angela remarks that of course she does: "You're just so much more evolved than your poor mother."
Somewhat less evolved is Mindy "The Missing Link" "Ole Sis" Collette, who as you may remember is a stripper over at The Landing Strip, where we find Tim Riggins and Matt Saracen on this lovely sunny afternoon. Lots of excessively clothed strippers writhe around on the stage while Tim signals for two more lemon drops. Served with little umbrellas, Timmy? Those are some girly shots he's ordering. Matt, that dopey grin plastered on his face, wonders why they never did this before. Tim gets up and says he's going to return with a surprise for Matt. What, a case of herpes? Very likely so, as he approaches Ole Miss and asks her to send someone over to Matt for a lap dance. She calls over to a Dita Von Teese look-alike, dressed all in red satin, and tells her to go easy on Matt because he's still in high school. Dita sort of gurgles with pleasure over how cute Matt is, and he goofily tells her that he's almost done with high school. Ole Miss leans over the table, watching it all go down; a guy behind her reaches out and grabs her ass, and she turns on a syphilis-coated dime and smacks his hand away. He complains about Tim and Matt getting all the attention and she explains: "That's cuz they're younger and don't need Viagra." Matt and Tim are loving it, when Matt reaches in his pocket and pulls out his vibrating...cell phone. His jaw drops and he sort of pushes Dita aside and runs off.
From those two young stallions we cut over to...Mac, his be-khaki'd legs thrust up on Coach's desk as they talk game strategy. Ew. Smash knocks on the door and asks Coach, with trepidation, to talk. Mac gets up and leaves; Smash hands a letter over to Coach. It's from TMU, and it says that they're revoking his scholarship. Smash's breath catches as he explains that it's because of the Board's decision, which says that he has "questionable character." Oh, I just can't suspend belief enough. All he did was punch another kid in the movie theater. What high school football player in the history of the universe hasn't gotten into a fight at a move theater? There just isn't any way that he would be suspended, let alone defrocked. It's just too bad that they have to have Smash's downward trajectory hinged on such a weak premise. If they hadn't just disposed of the steroid issue last season, it could have really paid off in a long arc here.
Dita is driving a drunk Matt to the hospital. He's on the cell phone, yell-slurring his grandmother's name at the hospital staff, who appear to not know what he's talking about. He explains that the hospital left him a bunch of voice messages and tells them he's on his way. He hangs up and exposits that Grandma hit her head getting out of bed, and apologizes for pulling Dita away from her customers. She's sweet and tells him that it's all cool.
Landry and Jean leave the Alamo Draft House -- and one might note that in the background, the marquis not only lists the special showing of Jaws that Landry and Jean attended, but also Peter Berg's middling The Kingdom, which I really don't think would ever get shown at the film nerd Alamo. (Now The Rundown would be another story; there's nothing not to like in that film, the perfection of The Rock just amplified by the jaw-dropping story Peter Berg tells about location-scouting for it on an episode of Dinner for Five. Do you respect me less now that I let you in on my love for The Rundown? Well, I didn't want to be friends with you anyway.) Landry is in full-on Landry mode, telling Jean that he suffers from a disease called "slack-a-phobia, fear of sharks." Jean teases him back, pretending to tell a scary story about shark attacks, when Tyra interrupts them by appearing out of nowhere like an seven-foot-tall vision of awesome. She pretends like she was at the movie for a second and then asks Landry to talk. Jean sort of sadly lets them walk over to the side. Tyra just launches into it, telling Landry that she likes him and wants to give this a shot. Landry is sort of impassive; he asks incredulously if that's what she came to tell him. She says yes and Landry is like, "I'm on a date, Tyra." He says that he's with a girl that isn't embarrassed to be seen with him, when last time he checked, Tyra sort of was. Tyra tells him that he's not being fair, reminding him how they got together under messed-up circumstances, that she was scared and confused then. But she isn't now. Landry is at a loss for words and just repeats that he's on a date. Tyra, embarrassed, with tears in her eyes, turns and leaves, apologizing. Landry goes back to Jean, who runs up to him and kisses him on the mouth. She's got spunk, that little troll!
Smash is tearing down all his football posters from the walls in his bedroom. His mother comes in and asks what he's doing. He tells her he's getting rid of all his TMU stuff, and then asks if she wants to tell him that she told him so. She shakes her head and says no: "I just want to let you know that I love you. Oh, I love you. And I believe in you." She sits down on his bed and he leans down and hugs her.
Coach walks into the emergency room waiting room and is greeted by some guy in a black t-shirt. The nurse uniform at Dillon General? He thanks Coach for coming down and says they just didn't know what else to do. Coach goes over to Grandma and greets her. She gets super-excited and exclaims, "Matthew! Matthew!" and we pan out a bit to see Matt sprawled, drooling, on the couch across from her. Coach doesn't let on that anything is weird and tells Grandma that he's there to take them both home. He helps her up, all charm, and sends her out with Black T-Shirt Guy. He turns to Matt and zaps him with the Father-Figure Death Ray eyes: "What in the hell were you thinking?" Matt says he wasn't. "You smell like a damn drunk right now, did you know that?" Matt says he does know that, and then just leaves to follow his grandmother.
At home, Coach settles Grandma into bed. She makes some small talk and then says, "I'm sure glad you came by, cuz I think Matthew needs your help." I'm not sure how I feel about her dilating and contracting wisdom; most of the time it's all "French Toast Tuesdays!" but then every once in a while she's dropping knowledge on everyone. But I guess that's how dementia works sometimes. Coach leaves her room and closes the door behind him. Matt, waiting sullenly in the kitchen, tells Eric that he doesn't need any of his "Dad-Coach talks" so Eric can just leave. Without a word, Coach grabs the pup by the scruff of the neck and manhandles him around a corner and down the depressingly bare and narrow hallway. He throws Matt into the bathtub, saying, "Do you know how many people depend on you to make good decisions? Huh? Your grandmother, your friends, your teammates." He turns on the water and yells at Matt to stop being so selfish. Matt snaps and screams, "Shut up! Shut up!" He screams at Coach for leaving him for a better job, screams about Julie leaving him for a better guy, Carlotta leaving him for Guatemala, his dad leaving him for a damn war. "Everybody leaves me!" He calms down a little, and, looking like a drowned little rat, asks quietly, "What is wrong with me?" Coach takes a deep breath and grabs onto the shower rod and tells the poor boy, "There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you."
Now this -- Matt's meltdown and ensuing redemption -- is an arc I could have enjoyed over the course of more than one episode. This season just has some pacing issues; the murder dragging on, Julie being a bitch for too long, Smash and Noelle springing forth out of nothing, Matt melting down and then rising back up too quickly.
Landry is reflecting in his truck (when did he get a truck?), sitting outside one of the many dive restaurants these kids frequent, looking at Jean inside. He calls her, and she asks if he isn't supposed to be getting ready for a football game. He tells her that she's wearing a snazzy sweater (only Landry could do such a stalkerish thing and not have it come off creepy ["although, given what he's about to say, maybe leading off with a compliment is kind of a dick move" -- Sars]), and she laughs and gets up to go say hi. When she shows up at his car window, looking real cute in jeans and Chucks, her smile melts off her face when she sees the look in his eyes. He says he doesn't know how to say this, and she asks him not to say it at all. She asks him not to do this; Landry tells her that he can't just ignore things and pretend like they're not there. Jean tells him, simply, that he's making a mistake, and walks away.
Cut to Landry walking up and knocking on Tyra's front door. She answers, and he grabs her and kisses her. He pulls back and tells her that he actually has to go right now, he has to get to the game where there's a spot on the bench with his name on it. She quietly says she'll see him after the game, and I don't know what it is, but something about that scenario -- making a plan to see a boy after the game -- just takes me right back to high school, getting butterflies over a guy who is so totally wrong for me. They kiss some more.
Over at the stadium, the usual pageantry. Tami stands and watches Julie try to back into a tight parking space. She's screaming at her daughter, who is cool as a cucumber; Julie tells her that she's got it; after all, she only missed two on her test. Tami shuts up and watches Julie park the car without incident.
The buzzing locker room goes quiet when Smash comes in the door. He tells them he just came by to tell them to kick some ass tonight. He singles out Saracen, and then tells them that "this might end up being the last place I ever play." Coach has wandered in, and listens silently to this depressing speech. Smash starts to leave and Matt stands up, declaring to Coach that he doesn't care what the Board says, or about the rest of the games this season, that Smash is a part of the team and should play tonight. The rest of the players murmur in agreement; Coach tells them that it's not going to happen, and the players protest that Smash didn't do anything wrong. Smash puts a stop to it all by saying that he knows he can't play, that they just need to get the team to the playoffs and then he'll be back with them. He tells them they can do this, "you got Saracen, Riggins," then jokes about Bradley not being able to catch a ball and Brooks being the slowest brother in Texas. He says again that they can do this, reminds them that they are state champions. The boys are pumped, and Coach looks satisfied and shouts at them to move it out. They file out -- a big, blue sea of nearly-exploding bodily power -- all reaching up to touch the Panther P to one side of the doorway. They're all shouting and jostling and ready to go. Coach brings up the rear; we see a shot of his middle-aged hand reaching up to the P and then a shot of him leaving the locker room. The camera then wanders back into the room to find a small-looking Smash standing with hunched shoulders. He slowly crumples onto the bench behind him and, silently underneath the soundtrack, his face screws up in anguish and he sobs and sobs.