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They're dropping like flies in the Taylor household. Julie lets Coach's misunderstanding of what Tim was doing in her bedroom stand, so Tim is out. When Coach finds Tim sleeping in the locker room, he kicks him out of there, too. One gets the feeling Coach wants to kick Tim out of life. Then when Shelly just continues being her charming -- excuse me, I meant "charming"-- self, she starts really getting on Coach's and Tami's nerves. Eric snaps and kicks her out. Tami is annoyed but relieved she didn't have to do it herself, and then the two sisters make up when Shelly announces she's moving to Dallas. And then there were four.
Smash is getting pummeled by recruiters, and something about verbal agreements has everyone in a tizzy. And there's a lot of drama coming from his mama about which college he'll go to, but none of that drama made sense to me. Like, why not Alabama again? And if Smash and his mom always agreed that they both wanted him to go to TMU, why was there drama in the first place? Anyhow, Smash gets a late but desired solicitation from TMU, and to TMU he'll go. He continues to date the awful Noel. We'll see how long that lasts when she discovers Waverly's skeleton in his trunk.
Tim finds his way back to The Playgirl Ranch, where Billy is late on the mortgage and broken up with whatshername. Tim and Billy decide to bond by stealing three thousand dollars from Ferret Guy -- "biggest drug dealer in Dillon" Billy declares -- to cover the late payment. Just as Tim is rubbing his dumb hands together wondering what they'll do with the extra stolen cash, Coach comes over to say that Julie told him what really happened the other night and that he thinks the boy's actions were "honorable, real honorable."
Not acting too honorable is Little Coach Dickie, who is rebuffing Eric's attempts to be friendly. But things really get weird when, in the middle of a football game, Dickie launches off the sidelines and tackles the touchdown-bound Tim Riggins and then gets up and (tiny) rages around the field like a (tiny) crazy man. And my husband will confirm that the second he did that I declared, "Eh, either he's dying or his wife's dying." Ding, ding, ding, folks! It's the latter. Little Dickie is sad because he, and I quote, "doesn't have a game plan for this." Somewhere, even Matthew McConaughey groans.
Meanwhile, I'm considering issuing an Amber Alert on Jason Street. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Noelle is driving along, smiling, because for some reason this girl is always smiling. It makes her so unlikable. Panther Football Radio tells us that it's recruiting season and that what matters nowadays is "verbal commitment." Noelle's cell rings; it's Smash, wondering where she is. He says Alabama is there and Oklahoma Tech is on its way, and tells her to hurry up.
At the Williamses', an Alabama recruiter is talking Tuscaloosa nonsense to Smash, lots of "God Bless America and God Bless Football!" Corinna looks on, unimpressed; Noelle busts through the door, and Smash greets her with relief. She dances her little jig for the Alabama coach, impressing him with her knowledge of their record-- "eight national championships" -- and playing hardball with him, narrowing her eyes and wanting to know if he'll waive "the physical" for Smash. Cut to Oklahoma Tech wheeling and dealing, Noelle nestled to Smash on the couch, you guessed it, smiling. Nonnie and Corinna hang around in adjacent rooms being annoyed at Little Miss Thing. Pile on some more recruiting, some more Noelle smiling, and end on a guy from Georgia wanting a verbal commitment. Smash says he'll let him know and then thanks him for the peanuts. Georgia guy tells him how tasty boiled peanuts are and then declares, "So good they'll make you want to slap your Grandma." Anyone else weirded out by how much this Georgia recruiter looks like Mike Huckabee (both of them obviously total monobrow waxers)? Noelle beams at Smash as Georgia Guy leaves. What is this girl's motivation? She makes no sense to me.
Making all too much sense is how Julie wakes up: hungover. She grabs a bottle of Tylenol off her night stand but has to hide it under the covers when her dad comes in her room. "Either Way" by Wilco plays in the background. Note to self: time hungover, play the very soothing "Either Way" to ease the ache. Before Julie can say anything, Eric apologizes to her for putting her in "that situation." I can't believe he didn't notice at all how drunk she was the night before. Like he didn't check in on her after he threw Tim out of the house? And realize that she smelled like a brewery? Or the floor of a frat house? Anyway, this morning, Eric won't let her say anything, and Julie lets him continue to think that Tim was macking on her, rather than quixotically dragging her drunk ass home. Eric tells her she needs to pick it up or else they're going to be late. So much happens before breakfast on television!
Coach walks into the empty locker room; in another room Tim hears his clanging around and rouses himself, causing a towel he used as a pillow to fall to the ground. Eric is alerted and pushes open a door to find that Tim had spent the night there. He sternly informs the kid that he is not allowed to be in there after hours. He tells him to clear out. Tim takes it all silently.
Back at the Williamses', Smash is yelling at his sister for taking his phone. Corinna intervenes, asking whether "that little girlfriend" is the one telling him that "college kids" yell at their sisters. Heh. What a weird, passive-aggressive thing to say. Smash tells his mom not to start, a phrase which just starts her right the fuck up. She tells him that she's the one that took his phone, that he's been on it day and night and he needs to stop thinking about recruiting and get his mind back on school. Smash whines about verbal commitment; Corinna tells him that he needs to think the whole thing through before making any commitments. See right here? All this is just produced drama. Smash hasn't shown any real sign of committing too soon; he's being savvy, if not drawn to the good schools Corinna wishes he were. But he's not showing signs of acting rash. So we viewers have no real concern that he will act rash. And as far as the tension between him and his mom...what exactly is the problem? Noelle, for one, but for Smash and his mom to really have a good argument over her, Smash and Noelle would have to actually have a real relationship, which they don't. So instead we get Corinna yelling at Smash to not make any snap decisions, and then Smash...not appearing like he's going to make any snap decisions. There's just no narrative tension here.
At the Taylors', Shelly comes home. Tami is making dinner and notices that Shelly is wearing her shirt. Shelly admits that she is, and then tells Tami that it's too sexy a shirt for her to wear anyway: "You can't wear this to school! What about the boys and their hormones?" Tami does not appreciate the suggestion that she is not sexy, especially over there stirring the Hamburger Helper at the stove. Shelly opens a letter to find that she passed her real-estate exam. Tami and Julie shriek and hug; Eric just seems confused, but offers congratulations for Shelly passing a test, any test. Shelly tells them that she's going to take them all out to dinner to celebrate. Eric interrupts the celebration to tell Shelly that she's got to think about how she's going to jump-start her business; he offers to put her in touch with a lot of people in town to help her out, and Shelly really takes the gesture to heart. Eric continues saying that anything she needs at all, he'll help her out. Shelly looks genuinely touched. For a second. Before launching into a plan that she has to put in a second phone line in the Taylor household on which she can do all her cold-calling. She's looked into it, it'll only be nine dollars a month! Eric looks on in confusion. It dawns on him that she's not planning on going anywhere anytime soon. Tami smoothes things over by saying that's an option they can talk about and then ushering them all out the door to Applebee's.
Tim Riggins is back at The Playgirl Ranch! Wooo! There are unclaimed newspapers all over the yard and a "Delinquent" notice on the front door. Underscoring all the delinquency, Thurston Moore's "Frozen Guitar" moans in the background. Wait, except for how Thurston Moore like lives a totally upstanding (non-delinquent) life in Western Massachusetts these days. Tim walks into The Playgirl Ranch and looks around. No one is home and the house is a wreck.
At the grocery store, Corinna is fending off the advances of a recruiter who is trying to buy her groceries. So insulting. He gives her this smarmy, saccharine line about how being a single parent is hard and he was just making a friendly gesture. Corinna tries to wheel her cart away from him, but he follows. He starts talking about how Oklahoma Tech offers "relocation" for athlete's families. Corinna tells him to "relocate your butt up outta here." Hee. He continues to harass her; she continues to get more and more worked up. After he tells her that they'll get her a job at the local hospital -- with weekends off to watch Brian's games -- she snaps. She tells him that she doesn't know if he is the nicest person ever or Satan himself, and then demands to know what happens to the house, the job, and Smash's education when he gets hurt. In the meantime, Tami has appeared in the background. She calls over to Corinna, asking if everything is okay. Corinna goes mild for a second; Tami tells the man to step away. He starts to protest, but she gives him The Tami Taylor Eyes Of Righteousness: "Step away, sir. It's the right thing to do." He does, and then Tami quickly gives Corinna The Tami Taylor Eyes Of Rest Your Head On My Shoulder, Woman.
Julie waits for Coach outside; he comes out, and they start walking to the car. Tim passes by behind them, and Julie starts to stutter. Coach glances at him but pays no heed. Julie and Coach hop in the car, Julie still not saying anything to her father, who, I should point out, asks her if she learned anything today and she absentmindedly answers, "No." Maybe nothing real textbook-like, but I bet there's gonna be a lesson learned somewhere in this episode!
Corinna and Tami kvetch outside the grocery store. Corinna tells Tami that "that girl" has Smash's head going in every direction. Tami is somehow continuing to give Corinna The Eyes Of Female Sympathy through her aviator sunglasses. That is some powerful stuff she's got there. Corinna tells her that she raised her kids -- and Tami totally starts getting a little call-and-response with her murmured "yes"es and "mmm-hmmm"s. Corinna says that if Noelle turns Smash into a fast-talking, blinged-out prospect, he's only going to get chewed up and spat out. Tami tells Corinna that Smash is just trying to take responsibility for his future, the only way he knows how, and Corinna tears up over how hard it is letting him go. Tami reaches up and hugs her.
Julie shows up at Tim's house (Kiss him, Jules! Kiss him! Kiss him! ...Wait, what? Did I just say that?). She is there to apologize for the other night and the fact that she hasn't corrected the conclusions Eric came to. Tim says it's okay, and then Julie thanks him for saving her from "that whole Riley thing. It...wouldn't...have...ended...good." Tim agrees, Julie nervously stutters some more and then leaves, Tim never once pointing out how selfish she's being.
On the football field, the boys are practicing. Panther Football Radio Greek-choruses that the game between Dillon and Larrabee on Friday will be even more of a rivalry than usual, given that the Lions have been camped out in Dillon, causing tempers to flare on both sides, "including a reported dust-up between Coach Taylor and Coach Dickies." Cut inside to Coach Dickie in his office. Eric looks across at him from his office and then goes on over to ask Dickie to get a beer with him. Dickie tells him he doesn't drink, but Eric realizes he just doesn't want to drink with him. Eric tells him that he knows times are tough, but...and Dickie interjects by making fun of Eric's platitude. He then says that he and his team will be moving into the girls' soccer locker room, and tells Eric to take his country charm on out of there and buy someone else a beer. Coach leaves in silence, his jaw tight.
Matt and Smash walk down the hallway. Matt asks Smash if TMU has talked to him yet; Smash says that they're playing hard to get, "but so am I, so, uh..." They get flagged down by the Genetically Modified (Not In A Good Way) Larrabee goofs. "Yo, what's up, Squash?" Chip calls out. Smash comes back with, "What, Chippendale?" Turns out that Chip is just wanting to gloat that he's given a verbal commitment to TMU. A crowd gathers around this awkward exchange -- the one in which Gaius Charles delivers his lines naturally while SquareHead SpongeMouth herky-jerks his way through his. Smash says he's got better things to do than TMU, and SquareHead replies by saying "Like what? You get the manager job at the Alamo Freeze?" The crowd ooohs at this presumed "burn," so Smash's hand is forced. He just licks his lips and says, "Alabama, baby," and the jeers turn to cheers. Chip wants to know if he gave the verbal, and Smash gets coy, saying that "it'll be the shot heard 'round the world." Or, at least, in the vicinity of the cafeteria, I suppose. Smash walks off, getting props from the other Dillon football players, while Matt innocently asks him whether he's sure he doesn't want to hold off and see what TMU might offer him. Again: for this storyline to have had any real narrative tension, I would have to have 1) been informed before this very second that TMU was the school of Smash's dreams, and then 2) been allowed a scene where some ambiguous information comes out regarding Smash's prospects with TMU.
Coach is working in the garage, on the ping-pong table, where he's got quite the whiteboard set-up going on. Tami comes storming in and rapid-fires a story about how she's coming in there to get paper towels to clean up the eggs the Shelly smashed all over the floor and then neglected to clean up. Eric rubs his forehead and snaps that maybe it's time for Shelly to fly the coop. Tami doesn't pay any mind to what he says and continues freaking out, saying that Shelly's driving her crazy by insisting that Tami should cut her hair short. Noooooooo! Now THAT would be the shot heard round the world! I would dive toward Tami Taylor in dramatic slow motion if I ever saw her walking toward a hair salon! Tami then switches the subject, telling Eric about how Corinna was being accosted by recruiters and how worried she was about Smash. Eric says there's nothing he can do about that; Tami suggests that he talk to Smash since he doesn't have a male role model in his life. Eric snaps that he'll get right on that, right after he figures out how to not get his ass handed to him in the game on Friday. Tami leans over to hug him just as Shelly's grating voice comes calling from the house, "Tami! Tami!" Eric: "Oh, God". Shelly opens the door to the garage and wonders if there's another hair dryer in the house; the one she was using just started pouring black smoke. Tami says no, and suggests Shelly go to the store for a new hair dryer and some eggs. Wow, I feel like I just recapped the most boring conversation I've ever had with my husband about where the new box of garbage bags is.
Tim is on the phone, trying to smooth things over with the bank over the late mortgage payments. He spots what's-her-face across the way packing up her car. And with that "what's-her-face," I think now is as good a time as any to say what I think has been wrong with the second season so far. All of our main teen characters -- whom we know and love -- have been cast to the wind, paired up with so many different what's-her-names or what's-his-names when they should be interacting with EACH OTHER. I don't care about Matt and Carlotta, or Tim and whoever, or Smash and Noelle. The best parts of this season have been when our characters interact with each other -- Julie and Tim's new weird relationship; Tyra and Lyla pairing up; Jason, Tim, and Lyla's Mexican Threesome. But as far as we know, this season, Matt and Landry have hardly talked to each other, nobody has seen Jason in months, and Lyla lives four towns over. End rant.
So here we are, Tim talking to what's-her-face -- a storyline I was okay with when our main characters still hung out with one another occasionally-- and getting some closure. She tells Tim that she and Billy broke up; Tim is mean to her, suggesting she finish the Riggins trifecta by going for his dad . She says she knows she deserves it, and then tries to excuse herself by saying that she was alone and scared and trying to make a life for her son. She tells Tim that it didn't work out with Billy because he lost his job; Tim is not surprised. She tells Tim to patch things up with Billy, because Billy really loves him. Tim walks off unceremoniously.
Eric is at home watching a game tape when the screen goes to snow. The picture snaps back, only to show the opening credits of The Office. Shelly walks in with a laundry basket and chatters that she's so excited that it taped, she was worried it hadn't. She says Eric would love it but then takes it back: "It's very 'talky.'" Eric snaps, "You taped over my game." Shelly apologizes, but not very convincingly. She follows it up by suggesting that the Taylors get a TiVo. Eric starts packing up his notebook and lets her have it: "Can I ask you something? Do you have a concept of personal privacy? Like personal, private moments, in the privacy of one's own personal space?" Shelly is confused like she doesn't know where this is going. Come on, lady! Eric comes out and says it: "I understand that your my wife's sister but we were wondering when exactly you are going to get a place of your own?" Shelly claps her hand to her gaping mouth while Eric tries to assure her that he didn't mean it the way it came out. She tells him to stop talking and then shuffles out of the room, muttering that she feels really stupid right now.
Coach is eating a sandwich in his office. Smash comes in, Noelle following. She's smiling, ugh. She shakes Coach's hand and then smarms that the way he took down West Cambria in the state championships was "the best-coached game I've ever seen." We get it. Girl knows her football. Can we move on? Oh, of course we can. We can move on to another scene where we're supposed to believe there's something at stake in Smash's recruiting. Noelle tells Coach that Alabama is at the top of Smash's list; Coach seems surprised. Noelle likes Alabama for the "exposure"; Smash thinks that Alabama will give him good ties to the pros, "living the NFL dream." Coach asks about TMU, and Smash hypothesizes that they're getting back at Coach for leaving them in the lurch; Coach says that his history with the school won't affect whether they want Smash. Smash says that he has to give a verbal, and Coach wonders why he has to before he hears from TMU. Coach tries to drop some knowledge on these idiots' asses, asking if they've considered how Alabama has a really good running back who will be there for another year. Noelle half-interrupts Coach to say that they already know about that; Smash doesn't think riding the bench a year will be a big deal. Then Coach wonders about the really good back-up running back Alabama also has, telling Smash he'd be looking at three years before he even sets foot on the field. He tells Smash he has to give himself the opportunity to be seen, and then tells him to be patient, look at the fine print, don't make any emotional decisions. Noelle solemnly declares that this advice "makes a lot of sense." Coach shoots her a priceless look and then asks Smash what his mother says. Smash is like, "My mom?" and Coach replies, "Yes, the woman who gave you birth." Smash says she doesn't know the difference between Alabama and Dillon Junior College; Coach says his last piece of advice is to listen to his mother, and then shoos them out the door.
Tami is walking into her house when a cab pulls up out front, and Shelly walks out with her suitcase in tow. Shelly tells her sister that Eric asked her to leave and Tami covers her own ass, saying that Eric is just a grump this week and didn't mean it. Shelly continues leaving and Tami presses her to stay until Shelly says, tearfully, that she knows that Tami wants her out, too, but Tami couldn't tell her herself. Tami doesn't really have a response and she lets her sister go.
Coach Dickie is on a VERY SERIOUS PHONE CALL. "I understand," he says. Eric comes in and returns the playbook that Dickie apparently left on the field. Dickie bitches at Eric that "he's just a regular boy scout," and Eric pissily walks out, leaving us with a shot of Dickie, looking down and out. Oooh, I wonder if there is more than meets Eric's eye in the situation. I do wonder so.
Tim pulls up in his truck to find Billy sitting on the front lawn, saying he lost his keys. Tim tells his brother that he looks like crap, and heads inside.
Coach comes home to find an upset Tami wondering what happened between him and Shelly. He says he didn't kick her out, just asked her when she was leaving and that she inferred his meaning. Tami calmly says that she wishes he'd talked to her before he had the conversation. Coach calmly agrees. Then Tami calmly says that in the future, if there's any family member of hers that needs to be kicked out (hee), she'd like to do the kicking out. Coach calmly agrees. How exciting.
Billy and Tim make amends by sharing the sweet nectar of beer. Fuck breaking bread together, man. Billy explains to Tim what happened with his losing his job and Jackie bailing on him. They sit to one another in their plaid-shirted brotherly glory. Billy turns to his brother and apologizes for getting together with Jackie, acknowledging how selfish it was. Tim accepts the apology and observes, "It's just us now." Then Tim worries over what they're going to do about the house; Billy exposits that they need to come up with two thousand dollars in two weeks. Well, get me some boiled peanuts and slap my grandma, cuz THAT sounds like some hijinks, finally!
Before the football game, Eric approaches Tami in their bedroom and apologizes for flying off the handle with Shelly. Tami is not too angry and just says that there's nothing she hates more in the world than hurting her sister. She admits that Shelly was there for a long time, and that it will be nice to have the house back to themselves, as a family. Then she says the thing she's really worried about is what they'll do with Gracie while they're at work. Coach leans in to kiss his wife and says, "That is not our burden, that is our gift." He gathers his things and is heading out the door to the game when Julie runs up to him and says she has to talk to him right now. She appears to be wearing a Prink sweatshirt -- preferred hoodie of Britney Spears -- so you know she won't come off smelling like roses here. Probably more like Cheetos and stale gum. So Julie confesses that she got drunk the other night, and that what Tim was doing was saving her from getting in trouble with this guy Riley; Tim put a stop to it and brought her home. Coach just hangs fire and says, "Damn, Julie. Damn." And then walks out the door.
Football game. Touchdown after touchdown -- what Slammin' Sammy Mead calls "an old-fashioned shoot-out" -- with the two teams taking turns scoring. In general it's a high energy game -- the fans are loving it, and the coaches are coaching it up. Late in the fourth, the Panthers need a first down. The ball is snapped, Matt gets sacked. Panthers call a time-out, and Coach paces the sidelines, running his hands through his capable hair, seemingly not realizing that his hair will see him through this crisis, just like it has so many times before. Cut back and forth between the two sidelines; Coach can't decide what play to run; Dickie guesses it'll be a play action (which Coach always calls, in case you haven't noticed). Mac thinks Matt should "hit the safeties," but Coach wonders whether Dickie will be wanting them to "go to the seam." Coach huddles his boys up and calls a play. Cut between the two huddles, as Dickie correctly calls each move Coach is telling his boys to make. The boys head back out onto the field.
The ball is snapped, Matt fake-hands the ball off the Smash; he feels major pressure from the Lion defense, but gets the ball in the air just in the nick of time to Riggins, who catches it and takes off down the field. Cut between the two coaches on the sidelines, Eric urging Tim along, Dickie screaming at the top of his lungs at his boys to tackle Riggins, lots of running, lots of screaming, Riggins is going all the way...until Dickie fully launches off the sidelines as Tim runs by and tackles the shit out of the kid. Eric is like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" and the crowd goes silent while Dickie flips out, screaming at his kids that "that's how you take somebody down! You stick 'em!" Never has a tiny man been so frightening. The refs call coach interference, and call the game. Eric gazes across the field at the insane little man.
After the game, Eric storms into Dickie's office and demands that Dickie apologize to the school and to the players. Dickie is totally resigned, telling Eric that he's "got it." But Eric won't let up until Dickie bursts out, "You don't know what I'm going through!" Oh, Lord, here we go. Eric keeps at Dickie until he cries out, "My wife has three months to live!" And then -- AND THEN -- a little more quietly: "I don't have a game plan for this." Wow. What is this, a Prudential Life Insurance commercial? We Are Marshall? I half expect a dapper financial planner to pop up and intone, "Merrill Lynch. For those times when you don't have a game plan." Or, if anyone actually cared about making me happy, a quick cut over to Matthew McConaughey lifting weights on the beach in front of his Airstream, bro-ing out, "Man, I just try not to have a game plan, you know?" This show has so rarely gone the way of cheesy sports metaphors, it is truly shocking when it does. Dickie apologizes and asks Coach to tell Riggins he's a fine player. Eric just stares at him, speechless, then simply says, "I'm very sorry," and then leaves.
Tim is knocking on the door of Ferret Guy's house, with Billy behind him. They walk in, and Tim runs upstairs to get his stuff; on the way down the stairs he knocks Ferret Guy's gun off a ledge. Billy just wants to get out of there but Tim says he has to put the gun back where he found it. While reaching under a side table for the gun, Tim sees a wad of cash and shows it to Billy. Billy really just wants to go now, but Tim says, "Billy, this is our mortgage." They quickly shove the money in a bag and hightail it out of there, Tim sort of gleefully chuckling, "Billy, that's a good chunk of change!" Why do I love it so much when Tim acts dishonorably? I love it so much that not only is he stealing the money, he's giggling about it.
Tami and Shelly meet at a diner. In a nice little detail, Tami is wearing the shirt Shelly said was too sexy for her now that she had Gracie. Tami lays a newspaper on the table and tells Shelly that there are a number of cute places in the real-estate section Shelly should look at. Shelly interrupts and says that she's not staying in Dillon; she's moving to Dallas. Tami asks why, and Shelly says it's because she's driving Tami crazy. Tami protests, weakly, until admitting to Shelly that it will be good for her and Eric to have some privacy again -- but she still doesn't want her sister to move to Dallas. Shelly says she won't get her life together if she stays in Dillon. Tami tears up and says how much she'll miss her and thanks her sincerely for her help. Shelly thanks her sister for asking her for help, and then I thank everyone involved for saying thank you and making up and getting us one scene closer to the end of this episode.
Tim is rubbing his hands together in glee over the extra thousand dollars they got in their escapade. Billy is not so happy-go-lucky, and suggests that they need to be worried about having stolen three thousand dollars from the biggest drug dealer in Dillon. Tim assures him that Ferret Guy is probably so high, he doesn't notice it's gone. Has this child really never seen Scarface or New Jack City? They always notice. And just as Tim finishes saying that, there comes a knock at the door, and both brothers pee their pants a tiny bit. Tim peers out the window and, totally relieved, observes that it's just Coach outside. Coach asks Tim to come outside for a second. Eric has got one full head of Crow-Eating Hair, done up Weekend-Style. He tells Tim that he realizes now that he jumped to conclusions the other night: "I apologize, I was wrong." Tim says it's okay, but Eric says that it is not okay. Coach continues, complimenting Tim on how he hasn't once complained about the hazing Coach has been subjecting him to, then protecting his daughter and not letting him think badly of her and still not ever complaining. "Not as a coach, but as a father, you realize what an honorable thing that is? That is very honorable." Coach turns to leave, and Tim furrows his brow.
The Alamo Freeze. All the kids, hanging out. An old white guy approaches Smash and tells him that he played a great game last night. It's TMU's rep, and they are asking Smash to play for them. He offers a full scholarship and asks for a verbal commitment. Smash clearly wants to accept, but stutters something about the fine print. The guy sells him some more on how they'll work to get him to the NFL. Smash shakes his hand, and the man starts to walk away when Smash calls after him to say that it's always been his dream to play for TMU. Really? Who knew! The whole place goes silent as the man asks Smash whether he can take that as a verbal commitment. Smash hesitates for like a second before declaring that he's "gonna play for the U!" Everyone erupts in applause, Noelle appears at his side smiling like a terrifying smiling troll, and then Smash runs off to go tell his mom. Wow, what an ending to...a completely undeveloped storyline.
Julie mopes on the couch; Eric comes in and sits to her. A second Wilco song, this time the title track off the latest album Sky Blue Sky, plays. I guess somebody has to pay for Tweedy's nice digs in our neighborhood. He tells her that he is really disappointed in her, and he doesn't know when he'll be able to trust her again. He's beyond anger; what he thinks he mostly is, is "hurt." He tells her she is too young to be drinking -- well, Eric, that has never stopped EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD before -- and then says that he and Tami will figure out a suitable punishment for her together. He ends by saying that no matter what she does, he loves her, "and that will never change. Capiche?" Then Tami walks in with Gracie, and Eric greets her sunnily. He declares it "movie night." Julie says she rented Cinema Paradiso, but then Tami says that she thinks it's mama's choice: "Let's watch Foul Play again!" Omigod! Foul Play! With the albino and the midget and Goldie Hawn! Don't worry, those aren't spoilers because the movie is so delightfully demented, you won't ever make any sense of it anyway. Eric grabs Gracie and eats her tasty baby neck a bit. Julie gets the popcorn going, and it's a regular Taylor idyll!
Smash comes home sheepishly and offers his mother flowers. He tells her that he's going to TMU, and she looks at him and asks if that's really what he wants. He says it is, and she breaks into happy tears and hugs him close.
Jason Street? Did you crash your plane somewhere in the South Pacific?