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Eric is trying to get Tami back in the sack, so he sends her off to book club to have a couple of glasses of wine and a night away from baby. Only problem is, book club is full of LADIES, all of whom at one time also have had husbands sending them off to book clubs, or girls' nights out, or Ladies' Auxiliary meetings or whatever to give them a "night off" to loosen them up for a night on. Tami Taylor ain't no fool, so she enjoys her wine, and then tells her husband to back off. But Tami Taylor also ain't no prude, so she makes him back off just far enough for her to take a good look at his hotness and then ask, "Wanna fool around?" Lyla arrives in Mexico to find Tim and Jason still waiting around for Jason's terrible experimental surgery. Tim arranges for the threesome to go on a booze cruise, so that he and Lyla can tell Jason that they're not letting him go through with the surgery. The intervention goes about as badly as an intervention can, when Jason literally throws himself overboard after hearing them out. Unfortunately, nowhere in this storyline does either Kurt Russell or Goldie Hawn show up. And that's the end of that storyline. Seriously. Jason throws himself overboard but then, after washing up on shore, he's like, "Eh, didn't actually want that surgery anyway." Which is fine with me, because the moment we stop having to pay attention to Jason's surgery is the exact moment we get back to some hot Y Tu Mamá También stuff going on between the three of them. What's sexier: Jason and a shark, or Tim and Lyla? I think you know what my answer is. Landry's dad continues to become more and more suspicious of Tyra, and his suspicions are not alleviated when he makes a Collette house call and finds Tyra amidst all the stripperly domestic squalor in which she lives. He tells Tyra to stay away from Landry, obviously thinking that Tyra is behind the murder and is using Landry, the cop's son, to protect herself from the rap. Meanwhile, Landry gets called up to play in the game on Friday. And not only does he play, but he pretty much wins the game for the Panthers, leading to crazed fan chanting of his name. So just when Landry's fortunes hit an all-time high, Tyra dumps him -- and coldly, too -- because she is a soliciting-murderess with a heart of gold. And proving herself to be her father's daughter, Julie tries to charm her way back into the innocent sack with Matt with a pair of Decemberists tickets. And Matt almost goes for it, but then realizes that if he jumped at Julie's bidding, he'd be about as spineless as the sharks that were slaughtered down in Mexico for Jason's surgery. Go Matt! Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Lyla looks glumly out of the window of a cab threading its way through a small Mexican town. She gets dropped off at Tim and Jason's hotel, tells the cabbie GRASS-EE-ASS and then walks up the stairs of the hotel. She's wearing a really cute white sundress and cowboy boots. She asks for Tim Riggins, but the desk guy just shakes his head, uncomprehending. So then Lyla tries out her Mexican-accented English to see if he understands that version of 'Merican. "Wheelchair-o? Noo legs?" she asks in Taco Bell. Jason wheels down the hallway and saves her from continuing this charade of worldliness and is totally surprised to see her. Lyla is surprised that Tim didn't tell Jason she was coming. Jason is pissed: "What the hell are you? The Christian Coalition?" They both yell down the hall at Tim, who wanders out of his room and ignores their pissiness, looking at Lyla with relief: "You made it!"
Eric is talking football shop to Tami as she gets ready for bed. She listens dutifully, obviously tired and bored, and then turns around and wonders "What's with the candles? Where's the baby?" Eric is leaning against a tall dresser, having flipped on some mood music and tells her that the baby is asleep in the other room. He inquires quietly and completely transparently how everything went at the doctor's today. Tami looks at him blankly, "Aren't you sweet to ask about little ole me." But Eric has a number of tricks in his back pocket...er, I mean on top of his head. He gives his wife a little half-smile and asks if she got "the, uh, green light?" Tami plays dumb, so Eric makes his way over to her, turning off the lamps on the way, remembering how when Julie was born they got "the, uh, green light." Tami thinks it's amazing that he remembers such a tidbit. Honey, men always remember the tidbits that are related to their tidbits. Tami is leaning against the wall in her comfy clothes and asks her husband what he's thinking. Eric has grabbed her hands in his and starts sort of gesturing around with her arms, which she leaves as limp as she hopes his tidbits will stay. Eric tries to tell her he's only thinking about how long it's been for her, that he's just thinking about "together time. Together time. Together time." Tami tells him that the best together time she can think of is him and Gracie, then gives him a pillow and a blanket and asks him to sleep out with his daughter. Eric protests and protests until Tami makes things crystal clear: "I don't want to, honey."
Credits. Tim, Lyla, and Jason walk around while Jason regales Lyla with the story of how Tim got thrown in jail the other night. Lyla furrows her brow, wondering when they're going to get to the tortured, emotional part of the storyline.
Dillon High. Matt runs into Julie in the cafeteria and they stand around awkwardly. Julie finally breaks the ice and tells Matt that this is the most awkward conversation in the history of the world. Matt manages to lob a clever reply in response to her volley, telling her it's nowhere near as awkward as when Grandma tried to explain to him where babies come from. Julie giggles and asks what he did, and Matt dials down the cleverness back to his normal levels and mutters about how he just turned the TV on and pretended not to hear the minute he heard the word "stork." They pause and then Julie moves on, saying her friends are waiting for her. Meanwhile, Landry has overheard their whole conversation, so as Matt turns and watches Julie walk away, he shakes his head and simply says, "No." Matt pretends like he doesn't know what Landry is talking about, and Landry keeps repeating "No. No. No," as Matt walks off.
Football practice. Eric and Mac are getting sick to their stomachs watching how lame the team is. So Eric rounds the kids up and tells him that they're going to switch everything up, offense will play defense, defense offense. "Let's have some fun." In a sex-themed episode, this top/bottom switch is begging for me to get vulgar. So they switch and it turns out that sometimes the givers like to be the receivers and vice versa! Coach smiles as he watches the boys have so much fun mounting one another in new ways, until one particular boy catches his eye. Is this Caligula or something? He asks Mac who the lanky-looking kid -- #43 -- is. Mac tells him it's "Saracen's friend," and Coach replies, "You mean Lance?" Mac corrects him: "Landry. Landry Clark, I think."
Meanwhile, it seems that Matt Saracen might be more of a committed top than we originally thought because he's really prickly on the field. He tells Smash that he needs to get down on the line and Smash says he doesn't "get down on all fours for nobody." That's not what Matt heard, he says and they start to tussle. Seriously, when did I change the channel to Pay-Per-View? Eric breaks it up and tells the two of them to give him "fifty up/downs." When Smash protests, Eric makes it a hundred. The rest of the team looks dejected that their star players can't just have a little fun switch-hitting every once in a while.
Mac finds Eric dozing on the couch in his office. He sits down and asks if everything's all right at home. "You know, new baby can be a son-a-bitch sometimes." I smell a new Johnson & Johnson tagline! "New babies: Total Assholes." Mac continues shoveling sunflower seeds into his maw and asks if Eric and Tami are "back in the saddle again." Kyle Chandler's face is priceless here. Mac tells Eric that what he did when he had a new baby was give his wife a night out with the girls, away from the baby. She had a couple drinks and then: "Boom. Back in the saddle." This whole metaphor is so confusing. You're doing it while both in a saddle? On a moving horse? Or is one person the saddle, the other one the rider? That's odd, imagining your partner as an inanimate leather object. Furthermore, if someone's the saddle, the other the rider,who is the horse? My ruminations are thankfully cut short when Eric tells Mac to not ever again tell him anything about him, Susan, and the saddle. Mac nods, and then advises Coach to bring some flowers home. "Susan likes the tulips."
Landry and Tyra. They're in their usual spot on schoolgrounds discussing their murderous rampage somewhat loudly. Tyra is telling him about how the police called her in only to show that they didn't make any connection between her and the dead body. Landry thinks this is great and is very zen about it all. But now Tyra is the one who is all worked up over whether they're going to get caught. I find it odd that some of the reasoning behind this plot point had to do with Jesse Plemmons's and Adrianne Palicki's acting chops when this entire storyline just repeatedly puts them into one situation that allows exhibition of exactly two emotions: freaking out or not freaking out. Way to capitalize on their acting capabilities, show! And we hear, again, that Tyra just couldn't handle it if Landry went to jail because of her. Yawn.
Police station. Landry's dad walks down the hall fielding compliments from other officers on his son's rumored good performances in football practice. He walks into an office where two detectives are discussing someone with a long rap sheet: truancy, drunkenness, stripper sister, et cetera. We get a glimpse of the file, and it's Tyra's. Landry's dad asks why they've got her file, and the detectives explain that their murder victim tried to rape her eight months ago (it was actually longer than that, given Tami's pregnancy and all). She's not a suspect but a "person of interest."
Mexico. Lyla has decided that her cute boots are made for walkin' and she's about to hop into a cab to take her back to the airport. Tim runs after her, and she tells him that she's leaving because he and Jason just think this whole thing is a big joke. All they've done is go to whorehouses and karaoke bars. Tim: "Yeah. What else do you do in Mexico?" Lyla doesn't think Tim has a plan for how to get Jason to not have the surgery. I have a plan: grab his wheelchair and wheel him in the other direction. Teens are always making things so much more complicated (and sexy) than they need to be. Instead of taking my advice, though, Tim has his own plan: a booze cruise. Lyla goes ballistic, wondering whether Tim thinks a booze cruise is the best thing to do for a friend who's about to make the biggest mistake of his life. Tim: "Kinda sorta." I like the way Tim's brain works. Slowly and hotly. Anyway, they go on and on, arguing about who is a better friend to Jason but it's hard to listen to either them because they are both oiled up in hot Mexican sweat. Tim tells Lyla that he sinks a little more every day (drowning spoiler!) and he's a better Christian than she is, and she agrees to stay for the intervention. Then Tim asks her for some money to help pay for it.
Eric is frying up bacon and pancakes when Tami comes out of the bedroom. She exclaims very cutely over this nice gesture, especially because he did all the wake-ups with Grace the night before and got tulips for her. Oh, Coach. She wants to know where her husband went. Eric tells her that he is "a man taking care of his wife" and then tells her about all the changes that are going to happen around there. She wonders what sort of changes and he directs her attention to a "chart" he made, which is basically some scrawling on a piece of lined paper ripped from a spiral-bound notebook and pasted to the wall. I mean, it's not even perforated paper, so it has all those little fringe-y things on the side. That detail is so awesome. The chart informs him that on Wednesday nights, book club happens. Tami screws up her face and tells him she doesn't want to go to book club. "Those ladies are crazy." But Eric tells her she is going to go to relax, have some wine and have a good time. She seems convinced but wary as he then declares, "Man takes care of his wife."
Landry and Tyra say goodbye to one another at his front door after a study session. They joke about using trigonometry in the real world; Landry says that she doesn't know, maybe she'll want to become a structural engineer. Yeah. A structural engineer of lies. Landry's dad drives up and Tyra scoots away after a kiss, sort of slinking by his father as she goes. Landry's dad asks his son about football practice and then launches into the inquiry. He tells Landry that he was talking to the guys at work about Tyra and then demands to know why Landry didn't mention that the guy they pulled out of the river was the same one who tried to rape Tyra. Landry shits his pants -- again -- and lies "Are you serious?" Landry's dad is like, well you did know that she was down at the station because of this didn't you? Landry backpedals and tells his father that he knew she was at the station but that she just doesn't want to talk about any of it. Landry's dad tells him that he just feels like none of this with Landry and Tyra makes any sense. Get in line with that sentiment, bub. They start to argue with his father insisting that she must be saying something and Landry insisting that she isn't. Landry's dad then raises his voice "It's a lot to carry alone, Landry." Landry is like, tell me about it, it's a lot of pressure having your lame storyline be crapping up an otherwise satisfying TV show. Landry tells his father that he doesn't know what he wants him to say and then walks away.
Eric has Matt and Smash over for dinner. Because that's a surefire aphrodisiac to help with his plans for Tami later? The boys are glum and get into their same argument again with some prodding from Eric: Matt thinks Smash is a showboat and is just using the team to get to college. Smash thinks Matt is just jealous. Smash tells Matt he's acting "like a little bitch," which makes Eric get wonderfully fatherly: "Shhh, you watch your mouth." Then Matt turns the tables on Coach, telling his former mentor that Smash is just doing the same thing Coach did, using the Panthers as a stepping stone and then when that fell through expecting them to be happy to have him back. His logic has taken him far away from Smash, and he continues, "Kinda like what your daughter did with that older, Swedish kid." Matt storms out. Smash tries to commiserate with Coach over Saracen's bitchiness, but Coach tells him to close the door on his way out.
Later on, Eric is finishing the dishes when Tami comes tripping in, singing to herself, and with quite the happy red wine buzz. She's super sunny and tells Eric how good it was to get out and have conversation. She asks Eric about his dinner and he tells her that it was a disaster. She exclaims over the fact that his chili couldn't even fix it and then looks at him and does a very cutely over-exaggerated drunk surprised eyes: "That is AWFUL!" She leans in for a kiss, and Eric seems to be getting his spurs on his boots (what? I'm just going with the metaphor they so kindly provided!). They smooch and Tami pulls away giggling. She tells him that it was just sooo funny how all the girls at book club had a "six week story." Eric wonders what that is. She says "You know, a story about their husbands wanting to have sex after the baby before they were ready." Eric's spurs spin in the cool breeze that just wafted through, but he tries to saddle up anyhow: "Those people are bad" he jokes as he leans in to make out some more. Tami just grabs her chest and says "Ow, my boobs are killin' me, like concrete. I gotta go pump 'n' dump, babe. Love you, don't touch me." Once again, Tami Taylor is perfection.
School. Julie runs into Matt in the hallway and stutters out an invitation to a Decemberists show. She clarifies that it's not a date and Matt responds, "Oh, right, yeah," and then says he definitely wants to go. "It's The Decemberists." Is Matt like a secret NPR listener or something? What else could explain his odd excitement for literate and mannered music featuring lots of weird horns and organs? Further evidence that Matt will make quite the accomplished shoegazer once he gets to college is his ready acquiescence to whatever a cute, irreverent girl wants or says.
Coach is in his office yelling "Lance!" Landry pokes his head in and asks if he means "Landry." Coach just gruffly calls him over and asks if he'd be ready to play on Friday if Coach puts him in. Landry's face positively glows when he tells him that he's ready right now.
It's like a regular old nineteenth-century novel. When one person rises, another has to fall. Landry's dad shows up to Tyra's house, where she answers the door in a halfshirt and tiny shorts. Ole Sis comes walking through in her underwear telling someone on the phone that "the boy is cut off, he's all hands." Oh, just stripper business. She's pissed there's a cop in the house and Tyra pointedly introduces her sister to "Mr. Clark, Landry's father" and then instructs Ole Sis to go put some clothes on. Tyra asks Landry's dad if he wants to sit down, which he doesn't. He just wants to tell Tyra to stay away from his son. Which he does, implying to her that he sees a connection with her getting together with his son just around the time this dead body shows up. She tries to show some gumption, asking if he's accusing her of something, but he just continues, telling her that he doesn't know what's going on only that Landry is lying to him -- something he's never done before. He tells her it isn't a request: "You stay away from my boy." There's some glimmer of potential here, with Tyra Collette being told, once again, what to do by an older white man. I'd like to see her snap under the pressure of becoming a woman men feel they can just instruct to do whatever.
Tami picks up some food from the Alamo Freeze. Matt tells her that Grace is cute and then wonders if she heard that he and Julie are hanging out that weekend. Tami inches toward the door and gives him a bright, noncommittal smile. Then he asks her if she thinks he's "a chump" for "going out with her, uh, hanging out with her again." Tami is adorably vague in her response, telling him he should do whatever makes him happy, and then platituding that the most important thing in a relationship is trust. The whole scene is really sweet, because we don't often think about how alone Matt is in navigating all this. No mom or dad or siblings to talk to, only a crazy, tiara-wielding grandma and the hot Latina caretaker shoehorned into his storyline. Now that I think of it, Matt is poised between being part of a good Taylor-centric storyline and getting dumped straight into a crappy Landry-Tyra-esque storyline with the Latina nurse. No wonder he's so confused and desperate!
Booze cruise! This is so demented. Jason is all smiles when Tim and Lyla approach him. And the intervention is on! They tell him that they don't think he should get this surgery on a whim. Jason protests that he's researched it for weeks. Presumably using all the stellar research facilities Dillon has to offer. Tim reminds him that even the doctor told him there's a good chance he'll die on the table. Hold on a minute! Really? The doctor said that? And Tim had to develop misgivings about this surgery? Jason lashes out and says that he wants out of the chair -- now-- and that neither of them know how that feels. Jason says he's fine with dying on the table, which upsets Lyla, who tells him that he has so much to live for and that God has a plan. Tim shoots a "Don't 'God' him" out of the corner of his mouth which is funny, and Jason tells Lyla that he and God aren't exactly friends now. I wonder who is friends with God. That's like the ultimate V.I.P. scene. Then Lyla just tells Jason that he's being an idiot. Jason responds by suggesting that he'll just have a Jesus freak dunk his head under water to wash all his troubles away. Lyla turns and walks away to the other side of the boat. Jason turns his ire on Tim: "maybe I'll just grab a twelve-er, right, Riggins? That'll fix my spine right up." Tim shouts back at Jason saying that he knows Jason wants to walk again, but he isn't ever going to. "I will knock you out and bring you back to Dillon myself if I have to." Then Tim goes to join Lyla on the other side of the boat, because the best place to leave a man in a wheelchair who has just expressed his perfect willingness to die, is perched on the very edge of a fast-moving boat.
And so, Jason just screws up his mouth like he does and throws himself into the water. A very beautiful song (which I swore was by Antony and the Johnsons but turns out is really "To Build a Home" by a band called Cinematic Orchestra) starts up in the background and takes us through Tim and Lyla realizing what's happened and frantically scanning the water for a sign of him, and then shots of Jason sinking, sinking in the water, before opening his eyes and deciding he doesn't want to die and swimming, swimming, swimming for shore. That last "swimming" should be pronounced with very swishy accent because there was something very, very gay about that whole scene. Gay and corny and Broadway. And I sort of loved it. "I don't want to die!" the misfit hero realizes, all set to the tune of an overly emotive ballad.
So then Jason swims to shore (?) where Tim and Lyla immediately show up in his truck (?!?) They run to him and the three of them sit there, Jason apologizing and saying he wasn't thinking. "I'm not having the surgery. Let's go back to Texas." Shot of the three from behind, and I'm wondering why they don't just stay in Mexico and live their intentional-family dreams to the fullest.
Friday night! Football! It's Coach Taylor's first game back. Taylor has benched Smash and Matt, which Slammin' Sammy thinks is Eric's message to the team: my way or the highway. The non-Matt and non-Smash crap all over the game while Smash and Matt crap all over the bench, continuing to fight with one another. Halftime. I smell an inspirational speech!
It isn't going to come from Coach, who is just going ballistic on the team. When The Galoot protests that they can't win without Smash and Matt, Eric shuts him right down. And if Coach Taylor's hair had opposable thumbs, it would be chucking chairs around the locker room Bobby Knight-style. So who is going to step up with some inspiration? LANCE! Landry suggests that the whole is greater than its parts, that they need to remember they are stronger together than they are alone. He acknowledges that he's not the best player, but tells his team that they can win together or lose alone. He tells the team it's an honor just to be in there with them all, and Coach settles down. "Clear eyes, full hearts. CAN'T LOSE."
Back on the field, Eric asks Mac to "bring Lance up here." Mac asks, "Landry?" and Eric repeats "Get Lance! Lance!" Eric tells Landry he's going in and the boy has to scramble for his helmet. Matt is stunned, "This game isn't over yet!" and then Landry's on the field. The Panthers throw an interception, but then #85, Landry, comes gunning down the field and makes a huge tackle, knocking the ball free. Panthers run it for a touchdown.
Meanwhile, Smash tells Matt they have to win the game; they have to kiss and make up. Matt is still bitchy, and Smash is like "COME ON, you little pissy bitch." So then they fist-bump and tell Coach they're BFFs. Really, Matt says they're "BFFs" which I love. Coach is done making a point and tells them to go warm up.
Panthers are on the 18 yard line, four seconds left, when Smash and Matt get back in. Matt calls a play that sets Landry up nicely. Landry gulps but says he's ready. Snap and Matt throws to Landry who doesn't catch it. Bummer. It appears the game is over until the refs call pass interference and the Panthers get set up again. Smash takes it up and over, and Panthers win! The announcers credit Landry Clark for sparking the Panthers to the win, Coach grabs Landry and welcomes him to the team, and the crowd starts chanting "Landry! Landry! Landry!" Landry's parents are over the moon in the stands as he points up at them, while Tyra just bites her lip and stews in her own limited prospects. ["And not to bring football into a show that's totally not about football at all, but: bullshit. Never in history has the guy who drew the pass interference penalty ever been given this much praise. The ref, maybe." -- Joe R]
Afterparty at the Alamo Freeze where kids are going nuts for Landry. Landry and Tyra slip outside where it's quiet, and Tyra tells Landry they shouldn't be together anymore. Landry is stonefaced, Tyra tells him that people are talking about them. Landry tries to get her to slow down and then Tyra gets mean. She asks if he thinks they would have ever gotten together if the murder didn't happen and then gets ICE cold and tells him to "look in a mirror, I don't know what I was thinking with you." She walks away, gets in her car and cries to herself.
Julie chats with Matt about their concert plans, but Matt tells her he can't go. He finally tells her he's pissed at her, that she cheated on him with The Swede and then when that didn't work just came back to him and didn't even say sorry. Julie says she's sorry, and Matt tells her that might have worked a couple of weeks ago and then turns and leaves.
Landry walks into the afterparty and gets cheers and pats on the back but none of that seems to help.
On the road from Mexico, Tim suggests that they stop and get a drink before stopping at their motel and teases Lyla, "unless, of course, that's against your religion, Garrity." Tim Riggins, I can guarantee that whatever she's thinking when she's near you is against every religion. A Coldplay-esque song plays in the background (Coldplay: "Sex for White Folks") and we cut to Lyla swaying and holding hands with Jason, letting him twirl her around and then draping herself over his lap and kissing him, then getting up and grabbing Tim for a dance while Jason graciously gives his wide-armed blessing. Tim holds her close, pulls her in and they kiss and it is so, so hot. So hot that even Minka Kelly's terrible exit line -- "I gotta go pray" -- is forgiven. Thank you, Friday Night Lights, for going the Y Tu Mama Tambien route. Maybe this time around the boys will be able to deal with being hot for each other as well as for the girl. Good, wholesome, Texas fun, this show.
The white folks continue to be in coupling moods as we cut over to the Taylor household, where Eric and Tami sink into the couch to one another, exhausted. Tami tilts her head toward Eric and asks "Wanna fool around?" Eric remains blank-faced; he's not getting his spurs on for nothing again this time. He says he doesn't sense real commitment to the equine project she's proposed. Tami says that yes, she does want to and thinks it will be nice. Eric takes a sip of his whisky, while continuing to look straight ahead, but you can tell he's putting those chaps on in his mind -- and then he grabs her hand and they run to the bedroom giggling. So cute, always.